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Foreword

“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies

dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams

and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” - Washington Irving

If you can't find me, loveliest of all women, it's all right. Stay with your

flocks. Lead your lambs to good pasture. Stay with your shepherd neighbors.

You remind me of Pharaoh's well-groomed and satiny mares. Pendant ear-

rings line the elegance of your cheeks; strands of jewels illumine the curve

of your throat. I'm making jewelry for you, gold and silver jewelry that will

mark and accent your beauty.

Oh, my dear friend! You're so beautiful! And your eyes so beautiful—like

doves!

Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look around

you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers are in

blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring warblers

are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly purple and

perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up, dear friend,

my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and modest dove—

leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your face, let me hear

your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is ravishing. (Song of

Solomon 1:8-11;15 to 2:10-14 MSG)

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“There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which

lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and

beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” - Washington Irving

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If you can't find me, loveliest of all women, it's all right. Stay with your

flocks. Lead your lambs to good pasture. Stay with your shepherd

neighbours. You remind me of Pharaoh's well-groomed and satiny mares.

Pendant earrings line the elegance of your cheeks; strands of jewels illu-

mine the curve of your throat. I'm making jewellery for you, gold and silver

jewellery that will mark and accent your beauty.

Oh, my dear friend! You're so beautiful! And your eyes so beautiful—

like doves!

Get up, my dear friend, fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Look

around you: Winter is over; the winter rains are over, gone! Spring flowers

are in blossom all over. The whole world's a choir—and singing! Spring

warblers are filling the forest with sweet arpeggios. Lilacs are exuberantly

purple and perfumed, and cherry trees fragrant with blossoms. Oh, get up,

dear friend, my fair and beautiful lover—come to me! Come, my shy and

modest dove—leave your seclusion, come out in the open. Let me see your

face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is soothing and your face is rav-

ishing. (Song of Solomon 1:8-11;15 to 2:10-14 MSG)

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Introduction

As a woman living in the 21st century, you are bombarded with mixed

messages from the media about how a woman is to behave. You have

groups like Destiny's Child telling you to be an independent woman who

does not really need a man in her life and in the next breath telling you to

cater for your man. Then the American comedian Steve Harvey tells you to

act like a lady, but think like a man. With all of these mixed messages, it is

hard for women to know what to do.

For the woman who wants it all, knowing exactly how to behave be-

comes even more confusing. Why is this so, when there are numerous re-

sources that give great advice as to how a woman is to behave? There are

two parts to this problem. One reason is that in the wake of modernisation,

the feminist movement and the media, today's woman faces new challenges

that were not considered problems in times past. The other reason is that

some of today's women have as role models, celebrities that give a negative

portrayal of who a woman should be. This practice is ineffective as these

role models cannot mirror admirable examples of women. In essence, the

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blind have been leading the blind.

With so many decades of this practice of the "the blind leading the

blind" it is no wonder women are confused. Most alarming is the fact that a

lot of women are not fulfilled. Single women do not know how to be single

and fulfilled nor do married women know how to be married and fulfilled.

With all of the advancements the modern woman has made, why is fulfil-

ment so hard to attain? To put it more directly, why are some women not

whole? If a woman is not whole, how can she be the force God intended her

to be in a marriage?

This book hopes to address:

1.The necessity of why women need to be whole both before, during

and (where applicable) after marriage.

2.The Godly role model of women presented in the book of Esther.

The things women need to understand about men to help build better,

Godly relationships with them both outside of and within holy matrimony.

These three topics will be the backdrop to the greatest work of love

poetry, The Song of Solomon. Women pay attention to the way the King-

groom expresses his love, admiration and adoration for his bride. If you are

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currently in a relationship, are married or are still unattached, keep his ex-

pressions of love in your thoughts as you read this book and ask yourself

two questions:

1.Am I the type of woman worthy of such expressions?

2.Is my fiancé or husband showing me such expressions of his love for

me?

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CHAPTER IV: Men are Driven By a Need for

Respect

Now that you know, what it takes to be a whole woman the next step

is to find out what is in a man’s mind. By now, you already have heard the

saying “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” This saying illus-

trates the way that men and women act, think and perceive things differ-

ently.

Women are nurturers at heart and feel love will conquer all and that

love is all that is needed. However, this is not always the case, especially

when it comes to men. Where the need to love and be loved is a powerful

driving force within females, males are driven by another – respect.

For a man, respect is the underlying motivator for a majority of his

actions. Men will choose a certain career because it will bring him a level of

power and respect. A man will choose a particular woman because she will

bring him respect and admiration from his peers and family (maybe). The

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kind of home he lives in, the way it is decorated, the places he eats, the car

he drives, and more are all driven by the need to be respected.

On an unconscious level, women are in tune to this because women

respond to the good paying job, nice home and flashy car. A panel discus-

sion concerning successful women and their struggles in finding a mate dis-

cussed the matter of respect. Two members of the discussion African-

American actor Hill Harper and African-American comedian and co-Host of

ABC’s The View, Sherri Shepherd recounted an encounter they had before

either of them became famous. Mr. Harper remembered an incident at a

Taco Bell restaurant where he walked in and he overheard Ms. Shepherd

discussing him with her female friend. She took note that Hill was an attrac-

tive man but dismissed him because she did not see him pull up in a car.

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Points to Ponder

1. Do you currently respect the men in your life?

2. Have you ever disrespected your mate in public? Using this

chapter as your guide, how would you have done things differ-

ently?

3. In what ways can you show more love, caring, honesty and

openness in your romantic relationship or marriage?

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CHAPTER VII: Men Want Sex

(... and So Do Women)

It is commonly thought that men want sex more than women do. How-

ever, research has shown that both men and women want sex equally. How-

ever, the thing that sets men and women apart when it comes to sex, making

it seem like men want sex more is that women prefer quality over quantity.

On the contrary, men prefer quantity.

The feelings I get when I see the high mountain ranges—stirrings of

desire, longings for the heights—remind me of you, and I'm spoiled for

anyone else! Your beauty, within and without, is absolute, dear lover,

close companion. You are tall and supple, like the palm tree, and your

full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that

palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be

clusters of sweet fruit to me, your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,

your tongue and lips like the best wine. (Song of Solomon 7:6-9 MSG)

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CHAPTER VIII: Men Are Visual Beings

Women, now it is time for a reality check. Your boyfriend or husband

may have fallen in love with your character and personality but he fell for

your looks first. It does not matter if you are short, tall, thin, plus-sized,

hourglass shaped or straight like a ruler, if your husband or boyfriend likes

Shapely and graceful your sandaled feet, and queenly your

movement— Your limbs are lithe and elegant, the work of a mas-

ter artist. Your body is a chalice, wine-filled. Your skin is silken

and tawny like a field of wheat touched by the breeze. Your

breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is carved

ivory, curved and slender. Your eyes are wells of light, deep with

mystery. Quintessentially feminine! Your profile turns all heads,

commanding attention. (Song of Solomon 7:1-5 MSG)

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the way you look now, this is how he wants you to remain, within reason.

Not all men are into the Victoria Secret model type. There are men

who like women with curves, but who are not overweight. There are men

who love overweight, plus-sized women. The list can go and on, so if your

boyfriend or husband is in love with you, know he loved the way you looked

first and is happy with your looks the way they are.

Keep Your Appearance Up

Women, when you let your looks go, your husband will compare you

to other women. If you were always dressed well, with your hair styled,

smelling good with sweet perfume and were confident in your looks your

husband expects for this continue. Realize that while your husband is at

work he is seeing female co-workers dressed to kill. Every detail of their

appearance is put together nicely. Then he comes home to find you in a

worn flannel nightgown, a scarf on your head and slippers with crusty feet

he is only going to compare you with the women on his job.