INTIMACYINTIMACYAttractionNeed (two

theories)◦ Schutz’s

Affection Inclusion Control

SELF ACTUALIZATION

Personal growth and fulfillment

AESTHETIC NEEDS

Beauty,balance, form

COGNITIVE NEEDS

Knowledge,meaning,self awareness

COGNITIVE NEEDS

Knowledge,meaning,self awareness

ESTEEM NEEDS

Achievement,status,responsibility,reputation

ESTEEM NEEDS

Achievement,status,responsibility,reputation

BELONGINESS/LOVE NEEDS

Family,affection,relationships, work group

BELONGINESS/LOVE NEEDS

Family,affection,relationships, work group

SAFETY NEEDS

Protection,security,law,etc.

SAFETY NEEDS

Protection,security,law,etc.

BIOLOGICAL AND PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS

Food,clothing,shelter

RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP. RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP. [coming together] (Knapp)[coming together] (Knapp)

Initiating ExperimentingIntensifyingIntegrating*Bonding*

*Maintenance stages

Page 134(model)

RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP. RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP. [coming apart][coming apart]

Differentiating*Circumscribing*StagnatingAvoidingTerminating

*Maintenance stages

RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION (Duck theory)(Duck theory)

Intrapsychic Phase◦ “should I stay or should I

go?”

Dyadic Phase◦ “It takes two”

Social Phase◦ Advice

Grave-dressing◦ “whose at fault?”

RELATIONSHIP DIALECTICSRELATIONSHIP DIALECTICS

Dialectics-contradictory impulses that pull us in different directions (slide)

Strategies for using dialectics◦ Selecting◦ Neutralizing◦ Segmenting◦ Reframing

APPLYING DIALECTICSAPPLYING DIALECTICSFamily

◦ Dialogue◦ Don’t be afraid to

disclose Friendships

◦ Trust◦ Acquaintance vs friend◦ Romance?

College◦ Different cultures

Community Service◦ Applying skills in “real

life” settings

Gibb categories Gibb categories (Video #2-CD)(Video #2-CD)

DefensiveDefensive Supportive Supportive

EvaluationControlManipulationIndifferenceSuperiorityCertainty

DescriptionProblem OrientationAssertivenessEmpathyEqualityProvisionalism

CONFLICTCONFLICTExpressed struggleTypes of conflict

◦ Pseudo-misunderstandings◦ Destructive-negative spiral◦ Constructive-determining

how to solve problem

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLE [Competing]STYLE [Competing]

Win-lose scenario

Me oriented“Victory for

one”

CONFLICT MANAGEMENTCONFLICT MANAGEMENTSTYLE [accommodating]STYLE [accommodating]

NonassertiveNecessary if you

have less powerMaintain harmony

CONFLICT MANAGEMENTCONFLICT MANAGEMENTSTYLE [Avoiding]STYLE [Avoiding]

Pretend like it does not exist

“Stonewalling”Not always a “bad”

thing◦ Trivial arguements

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLE [compromising]STYLE [compromising]

Lose-Lose scenarioEnds conflict soonerNot happy with

decision

CONFLICT MANAGEMENTCONFLICT MANAGEMENTSTYLE [COLLABORATION]STYLE [COLLABORATION]

ConfrontationIntegrationSmoothingIs the most positive

for resolving conflicts