Interpersonal Communication

1. Definition of Communication

The terms communication came from Latin word Communicare or Communis which

means equal or making it commons. If we communicate with others, it means we are trying

to make what is being conveyed to others become theirs.

The definition of communication has been largely defined by the experts. If we analyze

from many definitions of communication that exist, it can be conclude that communication

refers to action, by one or more persons, that sends and receives message that are

distorted by noise, happens in particular context, has a particular influence, and there is a

chance to do feedback.

Communication is a basic component from relationship between human being and

includes exchange information, feelings, thought and behaviour between two or more

persons. Communication is a process of delivering message or information from someone to

other person in verbal and nonverbal form. Delivering the message can be done with

symbol, sign, or behaviour.

2. Purpose of Communication

The purposes of using communication process specifically are as follows:

1. To learn or teach something

2. To influence someone’s behaviour

3. To reveal feelings

4. To explain behaviour of their own or other’s

5. To get in touched with other

6. To solve any problem

7. To achieve a goal

8. To lower the tension and solving conflict

9. To stimulate interest in yourself or someone else

3. Communication’s Component

Structural model of communication identifies six functional components of

communication as follows:

a. Messanger (communicator/sender)

Messanger is a person who has the idea to be delivered to someone, hoping that it can

be understood by the person who receives the message according to the means of the

messanger. Message is an information that will be delivered or expressed by the

messanger. A message can be in verbal or non-verbal form and can be effective if it is

organized well and clearly.

b. Message/material

Content that will be delivered by communicator. Material of the message can be in the

form of:

i. Information

ii. Invitation

iii. Work plan

iv. Question, etc

c. Media/link/channel

Media or channel of communication to deliver message such as: meet face to face,

television, radio, newspaper, bulletin board, telephone, etc. Choice of this media can be

influenced by the content of the message to be delivered, number of messanger,

situation, etc.

d. Message recipients (Communicant/receiver)

Receiver is a person who can understand message from the messanger eventhough in

the form of code/sign without alleviate the meaning of the message intended by the

messanger.

e. Feedback

Feedback is a sign or response contained some impression from the receiver in verbal

or non verbal form. Without feedback, a messanger will not know the impact of his

message to the receiver. This is important to know if the message has been received

with the correct and proper understanding. Feedback is useful to provide information,

advice that can be taken into consideration and helps to raise trust and openness

between communicant, also it can clarify perceptions.

f. Contexts/environment

Context is an arrangement where communication occurs. Context (environment) at least

has three dimensions:

i. Physical, is a space where communication take place real or tangible.

ii. Social-psychological, include, for example status of the relation system between

those who get involved, the role run by someone, as well as the culture where they

communicate. This environment or context also includes a sense of friendship or

hostility, formality or informality, serious or joking.

iii. Temporal (time), include time within hours, day, or history where communication

takes place.

These three environment dimensions interact, each influencing and influenced by others.

For example, if we are late for an appointment with someone (temporal dimension), it

can lead to the changes of friendship-hostility (social-physichological dimension), which

then can cause a change in physical proximity (physical dimension). Those changes can

lead to many other changes.

Disturbance

MessageFeedback

communicator/encoder

Communicant/decoder

Communican/decoder

Communicator/encoder

FeedbackMessage

Channel/ media

Channel/ media

Context/Environment Lingkungan(Lingkungan

1. Communication Process

This picture below shows what is called universal communication model. This model

contains elements that exist in every communication process.

Picture 1. Communication Process

In communication process we use the terms communicator-communicant as a whole

indispensable package to affirm that every person who involved in communication is a

communicator/source (speaker) as well as communicant/receiver (listener). Communicator

sends message by speaking, writing, or giving a specific body language. Communicant

receives the message by listening, reading, smelling, etc.

But, when the communicator sends message, he also receives message. Communicator

receives message from himself (listen to himself, feel his own movement, and see his own

body language) and he also receives message from others (by visual, hearing, or even by

touching and smelling). When communicator speaks with others, he sees the communicant

to get any response (to get support, understanding, sympathy, agreement, etc). When the

communicator receive these non verbal signal, then he is functioning as a receiver.

In communication, every action produces message (eg speaking or writing) and it called

encoding. By pouring out our ideas to sound wave or onto a piece of paper, we change

ideas in a specific code. So we are encoding.

Action of receiving message (eg, listening or reading) is called decoding. By translating

sound wave or words in the paper to become idea, decipher the code, then we are

decoding.

Therefore we called the communicator/speaker as an encoder, and communicant or

listener as an decoder. Just as communicator-communicant, we are writing encoding-

decoding as an indispensible unity to affirm that we are carrying out these function

simultaneously. When we talk (encoding), at the same time we also absorb the feedback

from the listener (decoding).

Communication message delivered in the communication process can be present in

many forms. We send and receive these messages through one or a particular combination

of our senses. Eventhough we usually assume the message is always in the form of verbal

(oral or written), but this is not the only type of message. We also communicate nonverbally

(without words). For example, the clothes we wear, as well as the way we walk, shake

hands, shaking his head, combing hair, sitting, and. smile. In short, we are all express

everything in doing communication.

In the process of communication that rarely lasts only through one channel, we often use

two, three, or four different channels simultaneously. For example, in a face to face

interaction besides talking and listening (voice channels), we also give the body gesture and

receive these gesture visually (visual channel). We also emit and smell the smells (olfactory

tract) and sometimes with a touch (tactile channel).

Feedback is an information that is sent back to the communicator/the source. Feedback

can come from our own or from someone else. In the universal communication diagram, the

arrow sign from one communicator-communicant to the other communicator-communicant in

two ways is called feedback. When we delivering the message, by talking to someone else

we also listen to our own selves. It means, we receive feedback from our thesis. We hear

what will be said, feel our own movement seeing, and we see what has been writen.

Beside feedback, we also receive any feedback from others. These feedbacks can come

from in several forms, such as forehead wrinkles or smiling, nodding or shaking of head, pat

on the shoulder, all of these were feedback.

In a communication process we also face some disturbances. This disturbance known

as noise. Disturbance is everything that can distort message. Disturbance is not a part of

communication but it affect the communication process. This disturbance will inhibit

communicant in receiving message and communicator in sending message. We can say

that there is a disturbance in a communication if the message we delivered was different

from the message we received.

This disturbance can be in the form of physical disturbance (there is someone else who

is speaking), psychological (thoughts inside our head), or semantic (misinterpreting the

meaning).

Table below shows definition and example of three types of disturbances.

Table 1. Types of Communication Disturbances

Type Definition Example

Physical Interference with the

physical transmission

of signals or other

messages

Phone sound, someone speaks,

whir of passing vehicle, eye glasses,

etc

Psychology Cognitive or mental

interference

Prejudice and bias to comunicator-

communicat, narrow mind, etc

Semantic Talks and listeners

gives a different

meaning

Person speaks with different

language, using jargon or too

complicated terms that can’t be

understand by the listener

In order for communication process to run well, it needs knowledge about types of

communication. In the communication process, there are verbal and non verbal

communication. Each components hold an important role in achieving communication

success.

Verbal communication : communication process expressed orally using words by

communicator or communicant

Non-verbal communication :communication process delivered without using words.

There are seven aspects of non-verbal communication components, such as

a. Proxemics: individual distance, seat placement, speaking distance

b. Artifacts (used things) : Clothes, make-up, eye glasses, jewelry

c. Body language: Eyes, face expression, hands and legs movement, body position, the

way of walking

d. Paralanguage: tone of voice and emphasis, intonation

e. Touch: shaking hand, palpation skill and percussion

f. Environment: furniture, room decorating

g. Physical characteristic: Health status, body shape, skin color, deformity, distinctive body

odor

2. Interpersonal Communication

Based on types of interaction in communication, communication is divided into

intrapersonal communication, interpersonal communication, small group communication and

public communication. Through intrapersonal communication, we are talking with ourselves,

knowing and evaluate ourselves, considering all decisions that will be made and prepare the

messages that will be delivered to others. While in Sedangkan dalam komunikasi

interpersonal communication we interact with others, knowing them and ourselves, and

reveal ourselves to others. Small group communication and public communication interact

with more people, usually > 3 persons.

In interpersonal communication, the communication happens between persons face to

face, that enables every participant to catch other’s reaction directly, verbally or non

verbally. Interpersonal communication which involves only two persons such as in the

husband and wife, two colleagues, best friend, teacher-student, etc.

Purpose of Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication has several purposes. Those purposes such as:

a. Finding Yourself

One of the interpersonal communication’s purposes is to find personality of someone. If

we get involved in interpersonal meeting with others, we will learn so many things about

ourselves and also about others.

Interpersonal communication gives chance to us to talk about what we like, or about

ourselves. It is so interesting and fun if we discuss about our own feeling, thought, and

behaviour. By talking about ourselves to others, we give an incredible feedback to our

feeling, thought, and behaviour.

b. Finding Outside World

There are so many information that we know come from interpersonal communication,

eventhough there are many information that came to us from that mass media, those things

often discussed and finally learned or explored by interpersonal interaction.

c. Forming and Maintaining Meaningful Relationship

One of the greatest desire from a man is to form and maintain a relationship with others.

Most of the time we use in interpersonal communication is immortalized to form and

maintain social relationship with others.

d. Change an Attitude and Behaviour

There are so many times we use to change attitude and behaviour of others by

interpersonal meeting. We may want them to choose a specific way, such as trying a new

diet, buying a specific object, watching movies, writting and reading a book, entering a

certain area and believe that the thing is right or wrong. We are using many times to get

involved in interpersonal position.

e. To Play and Pleasure

Playing covers all the activity that has a primary purpose which is to look for a leasure.

Talking with a friend about our activities at the end of the holiday, discuss sports, telling

stories and jokes. By doing that kind of interpersonal communication, it can give an

important balance in mind that needs to relax from all the seriousness in our environment.

f. To Help

Psychiatric experts, clinical psychologist and therapeutic uses the interpersonal

communication in their professional activity to direct their clients. We all also serves to help

others in our interpersonal interactions daily. We consulted with a friend who break up of

love, in consultation with the students about the courses that should be taken and so forth.

Interpersonal Communication Effectiveness

The effectiveness of interpersonal communication starts with five general qualities, that

is openness, empathy, supportiveness, positiveness, and equality.

1. Openness

The quality of openness refers to at least three aspects of interpersonal communication.

First, an effective interpersonal communicator should be open to the person whom he asked

to interact with. It doesn’t mean that the person should open about all of his history. It looks

interesting, but it usually doesn’t do any help in communication. On the other way, there

must be a willingness to open himself to tell information that is usually hidden, as long as the

disclosure is worth it.

The second openness aspect refers to the willingness of communicator to react honestly

towards the upcoming stimulus. A person who are silent, not critical, and not responsive, in

general belongs to the boring person. We want people to react honestly to what we said.

And we have the right to expect this. There is nothing worse than ignorance, even

disagreement is more fun. We show the openness by react spontaneously to others.

The third aspect is about “ownership” of the feeling and thought. Openness in this term

means to admit that feeling and thought given is trully belong to you and you have the

responsibility on it. The best way to tell about this responsibility is by message using I (first

person singular pronoun).

2. Empathy

Henry Backrack (1976) defined empathy as “the ability of someone to ‘know’ what is

happening to someone else at a certain time, from the perspective of the other person,

through the eyes of someone else's." Sympathize, on the other hand is a feeling for others

or feel the sadness of others. While empathy is to feel something like a person who

experienced it, be in the same boat and feel the same feelings in the same way.

An empathic person can understand motivation and experience of others, feeling and

their attitude, also their expectation and desire for future.

We can communicate empathy in verbal and non verbal way. In a non verbal way, we

can communicate empathy by showing (1) active involvement with a person through face

expression and appropriate gesture; (2) centralized concentration through eye contact, full

attention gesture, and physical closeness; also (3) an appropriate touch or caress

3. Supportiveness

An effective interpersonal relationship is a relationship in which there is a supportiveness

attitude. A consept that is formulated by Jack Gibb’s work. An open and empathic

communication can not be done in unsupportive circumstances. We show the supportive

attitude by (1) descriptive, and not evaluative, (2) spontaneous, not strategic, and (3)

provisional, not very sure.

4. Positiveness

We communicate the positive attitude in interpersonal communication with at least 2

ways: (1) states the positive attitude and (2) positively encourage the person who become

our friends in every interaction we made. Positive attitude refers to at least two aspects of

interpersonal communication. First, interpersonal communication will be built up if someone

has a positive attitude towards themselves.

Second, positive feeling in communication situation is very important for an effective

interaction. Kedua, perasaan positif untuk situasi komunikasi pada umumnya sangat

penting untuk interaksi yang efektif. There is nothing more fun than to communicate with

people who do not enjoy the interaction or do not react favorably to the situation or

interactions atmosphere.

5. Equality

In every situation, perhaps there is an inequality occurring . One may be smarter than

other. Richer, more handsome or beautiful, or more athletic than others. There was never

any two people who truly equal in all aspects. Apart from this inequality, interpersonal

communication will be more effective if the atmosphere is equal. It means that there should

be a tacit acknowledgment that both sides are equally valued and valuable, and that each

side has something important to give. In an interpersonal relationship characterized by

equality, disagreement and conflict can be viewed as an effort to understand the differences

that surely exist rather than as an opportunity to drop others. Equality does not require that

we accept and approve all the verbal and nonverbal behavior of others. Equality means that

we accept the other side, or in the words of Carl Rogers, equality asks us to give "

unconditional positive appreciation " to others .

3. Effective communication

Given the limited time and resources in communicating, so building the effective

communication is indispensable. Effective communication becomes a form of

communication that is capable of directing the communication to be more accurate, effective

and efficient. Effective communication does not stop when the speaker finish his point.

However, communication is said to be complete when the recipient is able to understand the

message given as expected. Content / material in effective communication competence in

interpersonal communication includes the following aspects:

Verbal and non verbal communication

Active listening skill

Communication with empathy attitude

Here are some techniques in order to get an effective communication:

a) Make sure of what will be communicated and how to communicate (with regard to the

clarity of the message)

b) Use clear and understandable language to the communicant

c) Use the appropriate and adequate communication media if necessary

d) Create a good and right atmosphere of communication (calm atmosphere, not noisy,

comfortable)

e) Listen attentively to what is being expressed by communicant because what is said by

communicant is feedback to the message given by communicator

f) Avoid unintentional communication. Each communication process should has clear

objectives and done with planning.

g) Remember that communication is a two way processes, in which there should be a

feedback between the communicator and the communicant.

h) Assure that the actions taken are not in contradiction with what was said. In other words,

verbal expression must be in accordance with the non-verbal expression.

4. Communication with empathy (emphatic communication)

Empathy is an ability to feel the feeling of messanger based on messanger’s perspective

or putting himself in the thought and feeling of others (internal frame of reference), as if he

can feel and understand the emotion condition of others. Empathy also can be described as

an overall acceptance of others. This form of acceptance can be seen in the interaction that

happened. The forms of acceptance are listening to the feeling, looking for any discomfort,

appreciate any concern, also entering to the core of the concern of his clients.

In order for communication with empaty can run well, the communicator should

understand communicant’s feeling that comes from their signs, in verbal or non verbal sign.

By understand feelings, the communicant feels that he is well accepted and in the end he

will be more open in express his problem. This communication with acceptance and

openness basics will later on be very helpfull in creating smooth communication.

The ability to show empathy in the process of communication involves several

components such as:

Cognitive : understanding and knowing from communicant’s perspective

Affective: feels the feeling of communicant

Psychomotor : able to describe the feeling from communicant’s perspective

Comes from any concerns and compassion which are expressed verbally and non

verbally.

Helps communicant to grow positive feeling to himself

Make the communicant feels not threatened and not afraid to express himself and his

emotions.

Ask and tell communicant to share his feelings.

Use verbal and non verbal communication as a form of understanding of what is felt by

communicant

Express verbally what is felt by communicant

Here are some examples to communicate with empathy:

“I can understand the worried that you feel right now.”

“I can understand if you are so confusing, mr Budi....”

“It looks like mr Adi is so sad...”

“It looks like you are very worry....

“You are so upset ma’am……if there is someone who can...”

“I can feel that you are very confuse now…”

If I were you... I also will feel sad – confuse – angry for what has happened..…

Attitude in Communication with empathy

There are five attitudes or ways to present himself physically to fasilitate empathy

communication:

a) Face to face. The meaning og this position is “I am ready for you”.

b) Maintaining eye contact. Eye contact in the same level means respect communicant and

expressed our desire to keep in communicating.

c) Bending towards communicant. This position shows that we want to hear or listen to

something.

d) Maintaining an open attitude, no legs or arms folded will show openness to

communicate.

e) Stay relax. Still be able to control the balance between tension and relaxation in giving

response to communicant.

Requirements of empathy communication is:

1. Present and involved in conversation

Presents in conversation means the receiver shows seriousness in observing what is

said by communicant who has problem. The presence in conversation is evidenced by the

involvement physical aspect, mental and intellectual of individual. The existance of physical

aspect can be seen in the open posture, eye contact to the other, also a close physical

distance. The existance of mental aspect can be seen in the interest to other so the individu

can concentrate to whom he spoke. If this mental aspect doesn’t exist, then it can be seen

from the soaring toughts of the receiver to something else, that is outside of the

conversation purpose. For example he is thinking about the tasks that have not done,

dreaming of something, or developing plans outside conversation. The existance of

intelectual aspect proved by the presence of any understanding focus in the conversation so

the negative commentary to the messanger can be vanished.

2. Actively Listening

Active listening is the ability to keep in touch with others. It is different with passive

listening (hear), actively listening shows a situation full of warmth and togetherness. Pasive

listening just uses ears, while active listening involves feeling and heart. It is not only words

that are being heard but also their feeling.

Skill to Observe

Give attention physically

Look and open yourself using body language

Keep up the eye contact

Shows face expression and other sign to indicate the interest in what others are

saying

Following Talk Skill

Do not interrupt or deflect conversation

Asking a relevant question so that the answer will not only be Yes or No

Do not take over the role and asking too many questions

Keep silent but paying full attention

The disclosure is to say with other words what is being told by the speaker, to check if

you heard it correctly. You do not judge to the content of what they are saying.

To disclosure something, you may use sentences such as:

So you are saying---

So you are thinking---

Looks like you are saying---

etc

Perform reflection:

Telling others what are you thinking about their feeling

Such as: you look angry?

Seems that you are disappointed?

Paraphrasing :

Say it with other words with the same meaning to what have been told to you to get an

exact understanding.

Such as: if I am not mistaken?

So are you saying that?

Focusing:

Talking about the main problem

Such as: from all of your saying, which one is the most important?

Example of uneffective communication

Rivet on his own thought about what would he say he doesn’t pay attention to what

others saying

Cut off the conversation and then ecpress his own opinion

Selectively listening to what he wants to hear.

Cut off others talk and deflect the statement according to his will

5. Barrier in Communication

Barrier in communication may become a big problem because it complicates and maybe

frustrating for people to communicate each other in understanding the meaning of each.

Some barriers in interpersonal communication such as:

a. Physical barriers : distance, room with a closed door.

b. Perception : every person has their own perception, understanding and thought

c. Emotion : an emotional person tends to not thinking clearly, a person who is

easily suspicious, and over distrust

d. Culture : determine someone’s behaviour

e. Language : the differences in language will hamper the understanding in

communication

f. Gender : related to logic and emotion

6. Steps of Communication

1. Greetings

2. Introducing yourself

3. Asking for talking/discussing

7. Communication’s Competence

The competence of communication refers to your ability to communicate effectively. This

competence include things like knowledge about environment’s role (context) influence the

content and form of the communication message (such as, the knowledge that a topic

maybe suitable to be communicated to certain listener in a certain environment, but maybe it

may not suitable for other listener and environment). The knowledge about procedure of

nonverbal behaviours (such as propriety of touch, loud voice, also physical closeness) are

also a part of communication competence.

By increasing your competence, you will get many option to behave. The more you know

about communication (means the higher your competency), the more options you may have

to communicate in a daily life. This process is similar to the process of learning vocabulary:

the more words you know (means, the more your vocabulary competence), the more ways

you may have to express yourself.