InnerSpace / The Primary School Communication Workshop
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Communication Workshop Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla April 14, 2016
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Transcript of InnerSpace / The Primary School Communication Workshop
Communication Workshop
Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla
April 14, 2016
Why are we doing this?
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ
BROWN
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top
quartile managers from bottom quartile
managers was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
Feedback & Influence
#1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityBuilding a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about what message that might send to
others in the room.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try another example…
1. You’re not very approachable.
2. When I asked you for time off last week, you didn’t respond
very well. You’re not very approachable.
3. When I asked you for time off last week and you said “oh
man, the team really needs you right now,” I felt guilty for
asking, even though that time off is important to me. And
I’ve noticed I’m more hesitant now to approach you with
questions or requests.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup
1. Check in
– “Is now a good time?”
2. Soft Start
– Do not use praise to buffer criticism (“The Sandwich”)
– Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
“My intention is…… / This matters to me because…”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Help the other person feel heard– Ask clarifying questions
– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Acknowledge your feelings– Manage your own defensiveness: “Affect Labeling”
– Disclose your reactions, thoughts, feelings
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityEnd with Agreements
• Make requests
– What are we going to try / do differently going forward?
• Be specific
• Discuss the error case
– What can we do if someone doesn’t do their part of the
agreement?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices, communication style with others
– Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from
this person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net
