The Psycho lo gy Behind Romantic Re latio nships

Kelly Matheson

27, 2009July

Main Topics

1. How people become attracted to other people

2. Some of the different relationships there are and what makes couples stay together

3. The process of breaking up and the psychological affects

1. AttractionProximity Effect: the more we meet and interact withpeople, the more likely we are to become friends with them.

Reciprocal Liking: knowing someone likes us fuels our attraction and can even make up for the absence of similarity

Similarity: Birds of a feather flocktogether

Opposites attract

Physical Attractiveness

Men tend to go for youth and attractiveness (signs of fertility)

Women tend to go for men ofstatus and wealth (resourcesfor offspring); physical attractiveness weighs less

The more economic power a woman has,the more that physical attractiveness becomes important

Attractive Faces

Both sexes prefer feminine faces

-Large eyes-Slender nose-Slim face-Less eyebrow hair

http://www.unl.edu/rhames/courses/male_facial_beauty.htm

2. RelationshipsSecure Attachment Style: maintain high levels of commitment, satisfaction, and trust, and low levels of cost over time

Handbook of Interpersonal Commitment and Relationship Stability by Jeffery M. Adams, Warren H. Jones, 1999, (114)

Avoidant Attachment Style: have high thresholds for falling in love and making commitments; even when they are in a romantic relationship, they tend to maintain a distance

Anxious Attachment Style: have a low threshold for creating romantic relationships and making commitments; appear to form emotional bonds very quickly

Handbook of Interpersonal Commitment and Relationship Stability by Jeffrey M. Adams, Warren H. Jones, 1999, (114).

Cultures practicing arranged marriages (usually collectivist societies) tend to have family-based marriages.

Western cultures tend to focusmore on the individual and thepursuit of romantic love.

Arranged Marriages

http://www.yourtango.com/20085574/what-arranged-marriage-can-teach-us.html June 24, 2008.

3. Breaking Up

-What kind of relationship we think we deserve-What kind of relationship we think we’re in-The chances of finding someone better

Why Women Don’t Get OutOf Abusive Relationships

- Loss of investments

- Current relationship is betterthan alternatives

- Traumatic bonding

- They believe they can change a man by staying

- They believe they deserve it

-A mutual breakup is the best for both people. One person ending it on his/her own causes the breakee more pain than if it had ended mutually.

Social Psychology, Sixth Edition by Elliot Aronson, Timothy D. Wilson; Robin M. Akert, 2006 (339).

-Those with an anxious attachment style are most likely to repetitively break up and get back together with their partners.

-Breaking up is hardly ever asbad as we imagine it will be.

- Even people coming out oflong marriages usually recoverand find something positive abouttheir experience within 2 years.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070820123608.htm

“We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.”--George John Whyte-Melville

1. How people become attracted to other people

2. Some of the different relationships there are and what makes couples stay together

3. The process of breaking up and the psychological affects

Review of Main Topics

How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

-- Albert Einstein