Influence and the Art of Persuasion · The Art of Persuasion: Deliberate attempt to inﬂuence the...

Institute for Management Studies • 201 W Liberty St • Ste 100 • Reno NV 89501 • (775) 322-8222 • www.ims-online.com

The Institute for Management Studies 38 Years of Executive Education Excellence

Presents

Influence and the Art of Persuasion

Dr. Rick Kirschner

The Art of Change LLC (541) 488-2992

[email protected] www.theartofchange.com

Prepared exclusively for the Institute for Management Studies

INFLUENCE and THE ART of PERSUASION

with Dr. Rick Kirschner

Highlights:

Useful Definitions & Persuasion Dynamics

Listen to Go Deep/Mission: Find !e Map

Persuasion Signals & Guides

Uncle Milty Core Ideas in this program:

“Persuasion is driven by curiosity.” “Change happens in stages.” “Confidence grows from preparation.”

Material is ©The Art of Change LLC, All Rights Reserved.Visit TheArtOfChange.com for more information.

The Art of Change LLC | P.O. Box 896, Ashland, OR 97520 | 541.488.2992 | [email protected]

©The Art of Change LLC, All Rights Reserved | Dr. Rick Kirschner | [email protected]

COVER

Page 1 !Table of Contents: You’re reading it now!

Page 2 !Useful Definitions: Influence, Attitude, Persuasion, Manipulation

! Persuasion Proposition (Begin with the end in mind)

Page 4! Persuasion Dynamics: Four possible outcomes, Three receiving zones

Page 5! Five Stages of Change

Page 6! Blending To Build Trust

Page 7! Listening Basics

Page 8! Listening for Interpersonal Needs-Style

Page 9! Listen So People Talk: Nine Information Gates

Page 10! Taxi Driver: Make Your Own Example

Page 11! Listen For Position

Page 12! Homework: Assume The Position

Page 13! Listen So People Talk: Personal Motivations

Page 14! Listen for Motivation

Page 15! Stack Motivations

Page 16! Talk So People Listen: Two Ways People Hear You

Page 17! Talk So People Listen: Seven Persuasion Signals

Page 18! Talk So People Listen: Delivery Guides To Maximize Responsiveness

Page 19! Talk So People Listen: Openers and Transitions

Page 20! Uncle Milty Checklist

Page 21! Uncle Milty Worksheet

Page 22! Review: Persuasion Countdown

Page 23 ! Internet Resources from Dr. K

Last Page! About Dr. Rick Kirschner and The Art of Change Skills For Life™

TABLE OF CONTENTS


Natural Influence: Based on trust. The power to cause an effect indirectly

Negative influence: Coercion is the exercise of control to gain compliance. Loss of trust is the cost of coercion.

Attitude: A person’s motivations and positions regarding the subject at hand,

Why Attitude Matters:Attitude drives behavior

The Art of Persuasion:Deliberate attempt to influence the attitude of others to bring about a desired result.!

Is Persuasion the same thing as Manipulation? YES NOBest Defense Against Manipulation: Think for yourself!

How To Create The Result Of Resistance:

Insistence: Persuasion is not about demanding compliance. Discomfort: Your discomfort with what you’re saying will create a resonant discomfort in hearing it. Tell and Sell: Effective Persuasion is about caring and sharing.Resistance: If you resist change, you create permission for resistance in others.

USEFUL DEFINITIONS


(Begin with the end in mind)

Who do you want to persuade?

What do you propose?

Where & When will you propose it?

Why do you want to persuade your persuadee (your motivation)?

What does your persuadee want?

Why should they care about your proposition? (persuadee’s motivation)

How does your proposition help them get what they want or need?

PERSUASION PROPOSITION


Parallel is the result of people listening to them-selves talk. Polarized often results from people defending their positions to each other. Merge is a result of people listening, understanding, considering and agreeing. Persuasion results from finding the MAP, and delivering a compelling proposition.

PERSUASION DYNAMICS

People place incoming information into 1 of 3 zones:Acceptance, Uncommitted, RejectionEach zone contains all the positions for that area.

A person’s MAP of reality (motivations, access and positions on a particular topic or idea) is in the Ac-ceptance Zone.

The closer you can get to their MAP (understanding it and speaking to it), the more persuasive you will be. The more developed the MAP, the more invested a person is in a particular MAP of reality, the wider the zone of rejection, and smaller the zone of acceptance (narrow mind).

The less investment, the larger the zone of acceptance (open mind).

This is why it is important to know everything you can about the MAP. Once you know a per-son’s MAP, you can find Common Ground with it, and build agreement on agreement as your

platform, and then introduce your proposition from that platform on those agreements.

Parallel: No change in sender or receiver

Polarized: Both move farther apart

Merge: Both arrive at new understanding

Persuasion: Move toward Sender


FIVE STAGES OF CHANGE

IGNORANCE: Don’t know about change, don’t know why, don’t know why it matters

RECOGNITION: Re-Cognize. See the light. Seek information about options.

PLANNING: Re-Organize around the change. What needs to change? Specific actions, times, places.

ACTION: Try it on, find out, learn and improve.

REHEARSE:Do it until you can do it without knowing that you’re doing it.

Which Stage Are You?

Identify a specific change you desire to make.

Which stage best describes your relationship to that change?

Where are you at in the change process?

What stage is next?


GET TO COMMON GROUND

Use Blending To Build Trust

People experiencing stress seek signals that indicate whether you’re with them or against them. There is no middle ground. The basic rule of relationship is in play: No one cooperates with

anyone who seems to be against them.

55%, 38%, 7%55% of the meaning people make in commu-nication is based on what it looks like some-one is saying. 38% is based on what it sounds like someone is saying. 7% is based on what people are actually saying. Said another way, people decide if you’re with them or against them based mostly on how you look and sound when you interact with them. When you send nonverbal signals of similarity, co-operation tends to increase.

“I’m With You!”

Blend with the 55% through body posture, animation, and facial expressions.Blend with the 38% through voice tempo and voice volume. Blend with style: Emotional or matter of fact. Brief or verbose. Direct and to the point, indirect and detailed, indirect and con-siderate, direct and enthusiastic.


THE ART OF LISTENINGKey Idea: People are innately resourceful. Listening connects people to their resourcefulness. Five Great Reasons To Listen WellPeople want to be heard and understood.People love to hear themselves talk.People are drawn to people who listen.Most people don’t know what they are talking about unless asked.Information is power.

Definitions:Surface Structure: Conscious aspects of experi-ence. What someone thinks.Deep Structure: Subconscious aspects of ex-perience. Where the thoughts come from.

Basic Rule: Go Deep!

How to listen: ! !Look and sound like you completely understand (nod and grunt)Verbal Backtracking: Repeat back keywords from what the person saidThe time to look confused is when you are asking questions.Key Idea: Always backtrack before asking a question

Simplest ways to go deep: Don’t know what to ask? Say, “Tell me more.”Doesn’t make sense? Ask, “What does that have to do with this?”! ! ! !When to listen:When you seek to persuade. When a person is upset. When being criticized. When someone is lying or has a hidden agenda. Remember, you can’t reason with an emotional person. But you can get an emotional person to become reasonable. Just listen to go deep, and help them get to what’s really going on.


BLEND WITH NEEDS-STYLE

Dr. Rick says “Meet people where they are and they are more likely to follow you.”

Key Idea: Some people need their interactions to lead to action. They tend to be direct and get right to the point. Others are concerned with accuracy, and require more time to address the subject. Some people are more concerned with how you feel about the interaction than they are with the point it. And some people need to feel important when they interact with you, and seek to hold your attention as a result. Opportunity: You can increase your persuasiveness by blending with their communication style. You can determine this through attention to focus and assertiveness level.

Focus End result or details of a task

Assertiveness or DirectnessAbout others, about self

Interpersonal Need

Action: Task focused, Direct

Accuracy: Task focused, indirect

Approval: People focused, indirect

Appreciation: People focused, direct

Blend with Need-Style

Action: Direct and get to the point

Accuracy: Indirect and detailed

Approval: Indirect and considerate

Appreciation: Direct and enthusiastic


DRIVING THE TAXI

1. CONFUSION GATE: MISSING “W’s” All nouns are unspecifiedASK: Who, what, where, when?

I’m upset. What specifically upsets you? Meet me later. Where & when shall we meet?

People don’t care. Who specifically doesn’t care?

2. INACTION GATE: VAGUE VOIBS All verbs are unspecifiedQuestion: How?

It fools me every time. How does it fool you?

3. STUCK GATE An active process turned into a thing Question: How (then unfreeze the verb)?

I have a lot of frustration. How are you frustrated?Her insults hurt our relationship. How did she insult you? How did it hurt the way you relate?

4. INHIBITION GATE Option stated as limitationQuestion: What would happen? What stops you?

I MUST NOT. What would happen if you did? I HAVE to/SHOULD. What would happen if you didn’t?

I CAN’T. What stops you?

5. ABSTRACTION GATE: NEVER, ALWAYS, ALL, NOBODY, TOTALLYQuestion: Exaggerate tonally, and ask for counter-example

I never get help when I need it. You NEVER get what you want? Wasn’t there even one time?”I totally forgot everything. You totally forgot everything? There’s not one thing you remember?

6. BLAMING GATE X causes Y.Question: How specifically does X cause Y?

He drives me crazy. How does he drive you crazy?Her attitude bugs me. How does her attitude bug you?

7. EXCUSES GATE If not for Y, I’d do X. Question: How does Y prevent X?

I’d be in Toledo, but I lost my underwear! How does losing your underwear stop you from...?

8. PROJECTION GATE Claim to know internal state of others Question: How do you know?

They ignore me. How do you know they ignore you?He won’t do it. How do you know he won’t do it?

9. SUPERIORITY GATE Personal rule stated as universal ruleQuestion: According to whom?

Nice people smile back. According to whom? Good managers stay out of the way! Who told you that? What is that from?


MAKE YOUR OWN EXAMPLE

CONFUSION GATE: MISSING “W’s” All nouns are unspecifiedASK: Who, what, where, when?

INACTION GATE: VAGUE VOIBS All verbs are unspecifiedQuestion: How?

STUCK GATE An active process turned into a thing Question: How (then turn the noun back into a verb)?

INHIBITION GATE Option stated as limitationQuestion: What would happen? What stops you?

ABSTRACTION GATE: NEVER, ALWAYS, ALL, NOBODY, TOTALLYQuestion: Ask for the missing W. If necessary, exaggerate tonally, and

ask for counter-example

BLAMING GATE X causes Y.Question: How specifically does X cause Y?

EXCUSES GATE If not for Y, I’d do X. Question: How does Y prevent X?

PROJECTION GATE Claim to know internal state of others Question: How do you know?

SUPERIORITY GATE Personal rule stated as universal ruleQuestion: According to whom? Who told you that?


BONUS MATERIAL: LISTEN FOR POSITION

What it is: A position is an assumption or opinion stated as a fact. To build a position, a person must draw a conclusion. To bolster a position, a person must stop gathering information (“I’ve made up my mind!”) Positions, therefore, represent the end of the line of critical thought on a particular subject or issue. Once a position is taken, mental activity is organized around accumulating supportive factual and/or emotional evidence, which then become rehearsed arguments. Warning: Taking a position about a position isn’t going to help you to persuade.

Remember: There’s not much point in arguing over positions. Arguments are only rarely persuasive. Instead, tease a position apart, learn how it works, and you may find the gaps through which you can introduce new information. The real solution to dealing with posi-tions is to use questions to do one or more of three things: 1) introduce doubt, and provide just the right amount of critical data persuasively; 2) redefine the meaning made of the data; 3) find out the interests behind positions and address those interests in new and creative ways.

3 KINDS OF POSITIONS

Strong Positions: Defined in stark, black and white terms.Advice: Help preserve the main position, introduce doubt about a particular aspect only.Ex: “THIS is the way to do it” Response: How does that work in this particular circumstance?

Weak Positions: Surrounded by doubts. Advice: Understand the doubts and address them.Ex: “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Response: What about it isn’t good? Here’s what we can do about that.

Opposition: It’s about your position and their values.Advice: Acknowledge the value, show how a failure to support your position undermines that same value. Ex: That idea is wasteful. Response: What about the waste of time and money we invested in developing the idea?


ACTIVITY: ASSUME THE POSITION

Try this on one of your own positions.1. State your position on something you care deeply about Work-related issues

(wages and compensation, management-employee relations, current business model) political issues (taxes, healthcare) or global issues (global warming, child hunger, nuclear nations, climate change.) Write it as a sentence.

2. Apply the information gate questions to GO DEEPER into your understanding of how this position was formed and what evidence was used to support it, what evidence was ignored to bolster it.

3. Consider your needs-Style

4. Consider your Motivation Towards or Away? Which motivation(s) specifically?

Question: What new information or counter - examples exist that might change your position? What haven’t you considered? What troublesome details aren’t taken into account? What would happen if you did?

Debrief: What have you discovered about assuming a position? How is that use-ful?


MOTIVATION = Direction of motive, ther towards (desire) or away (fear). A per-son’s motivations should guide what you say. There are many motivational mod-els. This is one of them.

THE KIRSCHNER MOTIVATION MODELMOTIVE! Towards/Away! ! NotesVALUES ! Right / Wrong ! ! Values are intensely personal. REWARD ! Win/Lose ! Rewards can be intrinsic or extrinsic.CHALLENGE ! Success/Failure ! Passion, preparation and perseveranceESTEEM ! ! Worth/Worthless! To increase or gain prestige, influencePURPOSE! ! Fulfillment/Emptiness The BIG REASONS WHYOTHER! ! Pleasure/Pain! The biological basis for all motivation?

Key IdeasFear is the dark side of motivation. It often accompanies and clarifies motivation.Fear is a powerful short term motivator. Desire is a powerful long term motiva-tor.

In speaking to groups, the more motivational forces you employ, the more people in the group will connect with it, thus the more powerful your proposition.


DISCOVER YOUR MOTIVATIONS

With a partner, explore your own reasons for doing what you do.

What do you like about your work?

Why do you like it?

Why is that important to you?

What don’t you like about it?

Why don’t you like it?

Why is that important to you?


BUILD YOUR STACK:

1. Identify something you must do in the days and weeks ahead

2. Come up with one reason why for each towards and each away motivation, then stack them with strongest on the bottom.! VALUES(Right/Wrong)Desire to do right

Fear to do wrong !

REWARD(Gain/Lose)Desire for gain

Fear of loss !

CHALLENGE(Success/Failure) How does taking action lead to success?

How does not acting lead to failure? !

ESTEEM (Worth/Worthless)How does taking action increase your worth?

How does not acting decrease your worth?

PURPOSE (Big Reasons for Being)How does taking action fulfill your life?

How does not taking action leave you empty?!

OTHER (Pleasure/Pain)How does taking action lead to pleasure?

How does not taking action lead to pain?! !


TWO WAYS PEOPLE HEAR YOU

People listen logically or emotionally, rarely do they do both. Logical persuadees prefer facts, statistics and details. So it is good to have strong evidence. But it is not enough to have the facts on your side.

Emotional persuadees use mental shortcuts to conserve on the need for thought en-ergy, and respond to information targeted to their interpersonal and individual needs, motivations, and positions.

CONFIDENCE COMES FROM PREPARATIONWhen preparing your persuasion proposition, it is useful to prepare for both. Start by gathering the logic, facts and evidence to support your proposal, then follow through with your emotional appeal. In this way, you’re prepared for anything.

What logic, facts and evidence support your proposition? Make a brief list here:

The RULES of EVIDENCEQuantity trumps QualityTwo kinds of testimony: Expert, and someone other than you!


SEVEN PERSUASIVE SIGNALS

AFFINITYWe like people who like us. We like people who are like us. We like people we want to be like.Keywords: Commonality. Charisma. Charm. Respect. Positive Associations.

COMPARISONBad/worse, good/bad, great/good, old/new, side by side Comparisons increase value.

RECIPROCITYIt’s all about a little give and take. Quid pro quo. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.Keywords: Free. Sacrifice. Favor. Here’s what I can do for you.

CONFORMITYPeople don’t want to stick their neck out too far. There’s safety in numbers. When others are doing it, you should do it too. Keywords: Popular. Standard. Trend. Movement.

AUTHORITYPerson in charge should know where we are and offer a better view ahead. Keywords: Status. Control. Experience. Testimonials. References.

CONSISTENCYInterpreted as strength of character. The reason it is hard for people to change their minds. Keywords: Step by step,. Commitment. Promise. Agreement. Here’s how this relates to that.

SCARCITYPeople value what is scarce. Keywords: Emphasize Demand. Highlight a limited Supply. Make it exclusive.


EIGHT DELIVERY GUIDES

Dr. Rick says “Use the guides to structure and prepare your persuasion proposition.”

Use the KISS PrincipleKeep it __________ and _____________. When you organize information, your listeners don’t have to. Organization is more persuasive than chaos.

Use Two Point ContrastTo be or not to be. This clarifies your points.

Use the Rule of ThreesThis helps organize information, and focus on important details, amplifies the importance of a concept. Makes something memorable.

Use Rhetorical QuestionsWhen people hear a question and answer, the answer is more persuasive than a statement.

Repeat and RestateGreat for building response potential, or to get more interest and attention. This allows for greater comprehension and deeper consideration.

Make Your Point ObviousIf there’s a point you want to make, either make it at the beginning or at the end of a story, metaphor or analogy.

Give DirectionDirection persuades because it offers an alternative to fight or flight. Draw conclusions for your listeners and then tell them what you want them to do.

Use Vivid LanguageExamples are word pictures that amplify the meaning of statistics, and also work well on their own. Dialog works better than reporting. See-hear-feel words to add spice.

“Be sincere. Be brief. Be seated.” -Eleanor Roosevelt


TRANSITION: Build a bridge from listening to talking: !Repeat back what you’ve learned and ask, “Have I understood you?”

OPENER: Something that provokes thought

! Ask for a YES To The Problem

! Shocking statistic

!

! Interesting Short Story or Metaphor

! Relevant Quote or Aphorism

! Historical Perspective

When preparing your persuasion proposition, come up with one opener for each type. With the first words you speak, you can reach out to your listener(s) and grab as much attention as possible for your proposal.

1 Essential Belief: Believe in yourself.

Because if you can’t convince yourself, you are unlikely to persuade others.


UNCLE MILTY CHECKLIST

Milty’s Motivation (pick one)Values / Rewards / Challenge / Esteem / Purpose / Other

Milty’s Position(s)Opinions and beliefs about the product/service/situation. Strong / Weak / Opposition?

Use the Cues (pick up to three)Affinity / Comparison / Reciprocity / Conformity / Authority / Consistency / Scarcity

Use the Guides (pick up to three)KISS / 2 Point Contrast / Rule of 3s / Rhetorical Questions/ Repeat and Restate / Obvious Point / Give Direction / Vivid Language

Opener (Pick One)Suggestions: Thought Provoking Statement / Ask for a YES-To-The-Problem / Short Story/ Rele-vant Quote or Aphorism / Hopeful or Terrifying Comparison / Historical Perspective / Shocking Statistics

Rehearsal: (Write your first draft, then practice)


UNCLE MILTY WORKSHEET

Who do you want to persuade? (Uncle Milty)

What do you propose? (That he stay on)

Where & When will you propose it? (During our session)

Why do you want to persuade your persuadee (your motivation)?

What does your persuadee want? (persuadee’s motivation)

How does your proposition help Milty get what he wants?

How will you propose it? (UNCLE MILTY CHECKLIST)

PERSUASION PROPOSITION


REVIEW YOUR LEARNINGS:

9 Information Gates When the gate opens, the right question takes you through

8 Presentation Guides To make ideas and information more persuasive

7 Persuasion CuesEncoded signals that increase the likelihood of being persuaded

6 Motivations for Change Reasons why people care, become involved, and change

5 Stages of ChangeGo stage by stage to get more persuasion

4 Possible OutcomesTwo of these are more useful than the others

3 Receiving Zones Information flows immediately into one of them

2 Ways to ListenWhy logic, facts and evidence are insufficient

1 Essential Belief Without which none of this can work

PERSUASION COUNTDOWN


INTERNET RESOURCES FROM DR. KIRSCHNER:

Visit TheArtOfChange.com for information on the following services

Keynotes & Training

Teleseminars

Coaching

Books, MP3s

Free ENEWS

Free 14 lesson mini-course LearnToPersuade.com

Fresh posts every week DrKBlog.com

CURRENT BOOKS, EBOOKS & AUDIO IN BLOGSTORE

1. Insider’s Guidebook To The Art Of Persuasion (book & ebook) Use Your Influence To Change Your World 2. Insider’s Playbook To The Art Of Persuasion (book & ebook) Activities and Drills To Develop Your Skills3. Insider’s Guide To The Art of Persuasion (audio program) as MP3 Download4. GOLD PACKAGE - MP3 download PLUS both ebooks

OTHER BOOKS AVAILABLE THROUGH AMAZON.COM1. Dealing With People You Can’t Stand: How To Bring Out The Best in People At Their Worst2. Life By Design: Making Wise Choices In A Mixed Up World 3. Love Thy Customer4. How To Click With People: The Secret to Better Relationships

Dr. Rick Kirschner offers a powerful approach to dealing with change that unlocks creativity, enhances team communication and increases commitment. He creates his programs using a palette of attitudes, behaviors and skills that anyone can learn and employ. In keynote speeches for association events and conferences, in seminars and training for Fortune 1000 com-panies, and at executive retreats, he helps his audience find the motivation to do the important work today for creating a bet-ter tomorrow.

Dr. Kirschner is a best selling author and coauthor of numerous books and multimedia pro-grams, including the international bestseller, ‘Dealing With People You Can’t Stand: How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst , ‘Love Thy Customer,’ ‘Life By Design,’ and ‘Insider’s Guide To The Art of Persuasion.‘ His new book, ‘How To Click With People: The Secret To Bet-ter Relationships In Business And In Life,‘ is in bookstores now. Rick is a faculty member of the Institute for Management Studies, and thought leader with both Athena Interactive and Can-DoGo Learning System. He is an adjunct professor of communication at Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine.

Dr. Kirschner has delivered his expertise along with healthy doses of people-friendly humor and authentic insights in thousands of radio and television appearances, interviews, newspaper and magazine articles, from CNBC and CBC to FOX, the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Entrepre-neur, Selling Power and Success Magazine.

D R . R I C K K I R S C H N E R , B E S T S E L L I N G A U T H O R , D Y N A M I C P R E S E N T E R

“His keynote was so successful and well-received that the following breakout session was standing room only and could barely contain the overflow crowd.”

-Jill McClelland, ORPA

“His presentation set the stage for the finest management retreat in our history.”-Jean Haskell, Emanuel Medical Center

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