How to avoid using personal language

1. Sometimes it is just a matter of eliminating the personal language1.

I think Ned Kelly relied on his Irish heritage to gain local sympathy.Ned Kelly relied on his Irish heritage to gain local sympathy.

We use the passive voice to make our writing sound objective.The passive voice makes writing sound objective.

 

2. DO NOT refer to what you think; refer instead to what the evidence suggests.

Beware: "In some disciplines it is acceptable (even preferable) to use personal language. Check these language conventions with your departments."

 

AVOID using personal judgement words2

USE words referring to the evidence

I think From examining the findings,

I feel In light of the evidence,

I believe From previous research,

I am convinced that Considering the results,

I disliked According to the figures,

I liked As shown in the diagram,

I agree It is evident from the data that

I disagree The literature suggests

I am sure that Given this information,

It is my belief that Some theorists argue that

 

The following example from a report expresses many opinions yet personal language is not used to do this. It instead refers to the literature and evidence in the form of survey results as well as using third person constructions - 'it' phrases, (see point 3 below) and so avoids having to use a personal judgement phrase such as "I think" in order to express an opinion.

Example

It is widely accepted in academia that "You must be 'seen' to be heard" (Moles & Clarke, 1995, p85); this sentiment was supported by 84% of the surveyed academics who felt that it was important to publish on the Internet. Moreover, the evidence in the literature suggests academic publishing on the Internet is flourishing. For example, the Directory of Electronic Journals Newsletters and Academic Discussion Lists (5th ed.) lists 675 electronic journals and newsletters, along with 2500 scholarly discussion groups (King, 1995, pl-760). According to the surveyed academics, 42% would rather publish in a print journal and 56% would prefer to read articles in print journals. From these survey results, it could be argued... Want to practise this skill? You can go to a skill development exercise.

 

3. Use the 3rd person or 'It' constructions2.

It could be argued that It has been suggested that

It can be seen that It appears that

It was found that It is generally agreed that

It could be concluded that It seems that

It tends to be It is widely accepted that

It is doubtful that It is evident from the data that

Want to practise this skill? You can go 2222222222222222to a skill development exercise.

4. Use the passive voice3.

The passive voice should be used in academic writing when the 'doer' of the action in a sentence is unknown or irrelevant to the discussion. Passive sentence construction emphasises the events and processes the sentence is describing.

 

Personal pronouns are avoided when using the passive voice; focus moves off 'doer' and onto the action.

ActiveWe cut a segment of the apple and placed it in agar solution.

PassiveA segment of the apple was cut and placed in agar solution.

________________

ActiveOur loggers transport the offcuts to the waste station.

PassiveThe offcuts are transported to the waste station.

The passive verb includes the past participle of the verb 'to be'.

Would you like to review more detailed information on the use and construction of the passive voice?

Want to practise this skill? You can go to a skill development exercise based on point 4.

Do you know how to use Impersonal Language?

If so, go to the Summary Exercise that covers all the aspects of using Impersonal Language.

 

Footnotes

1 Adapted from: Aveline Perez (The Learning Skills Unit, University of Melbourne) Academic Language.

2 Jordon, R. R. (1992) Academic Writing Course. Edinburgh: Thomas Nelson and Sons.

3 Text adapted in part from: Learning Development, University of Wollongong Academic English: Self Directed learning Resource.

Skill development exercise: Refer to what the evidence suggests

In order to avoid using personal language, DO NOT refer to what you think; refer instead to what the evidence suggests.

This paragraph refers to what the author thinks or feels.

1. From my reading of the case study, I think the manager felt threatened by the staff's complaints. Rather than seeing this conflict as an opportunity to learn about the needs of his staff, 2. as my understanding of relational management theory suggests, the manager dismissed the complaints completely. 3. I feel Percival's (1988) suggestion that this type of treatment builds hostility and staff dissatisfaction is valid. 4. My essay will show that the situation could have been better resolved if the manager had considered the following issues: ...

Reword the passage so that it refers instead to what the evidence suggests. Pull down the menus provided and select a more appropriate word or phrase. There may be several correct alternatives.

1. It seemsThe case study suggests/The situation and events described in this study suggestNone selected

2./As relational management theory recommends,Which has recently been my personal experience,A strategy previous research in management theory has shown to be effective,None selected

2. After having examined the outcome of the case study, I am inclined to agree with,In light of the evidence from this situation,/Given the result of this case study,

3.This essay arguesAn examination of the current management literature reveals/1I propose to show, with the support of current management theory research,

Exercise: Using the third person

Use the 3rd person or it constructions to avoid using personal language.

This paragraph contains personal language.

1.My reading has shown that there are several reasons why plants are dispersed by ants. 2.The one I have found the most agreement for is that ant nests are nutrient enriched sites and therefore it may be advantageous for seeds to germinate from within ant nests (Beatie, 1985). 3.I also found that the results of this study concurred with Berg's (1975) hypothesis that seeds are protected from fire through their burial in ants nests.

Reword the passage to the third person by selecting each personal pronoun and pulling down the menu to choose from the alternatives.

1. None of the selcted My Reading has show thatIt has been suggested thatIt appears thatIt tends to be that

2. The one I have found the most agreement for is that,It is generally agreed thatIt could be concluded thatIt is widely accepted that

3. I also found thatIt could also be argued thatIt was also found thatIt can also be seen that

The Model Texts

While the informal text uses only the active voice, the formal text uses a combination of both the active and the passive voice.

Key:PassiveVoiceActive Voice

Formal Text Informal Text

The inequity in the distribution of wealth in Australia is yet another indicator of Australia's lack of egalitarianism. In 1995, 20% of the Australian population owned 72.2% of Australia's wealth with the top 50% owning 92.1% (Raskall, 1998: 287). Such a significant skew in the distribution of wealth indicates that, at least in terms of economics, there is an established class system in Australia. McGregor (1988) argues that Australian society can be categorised into three levels: the Upper, Middle and Working classes. In addition, it has been shown that most Australians continue to remain in the class into which they were born (McGregor, 1988: 156) despite arguments about the ease of social mobility in Australian society (Fitzpatrick, 1994). The issue of class and its inherent inequity, however, is further compounded by factors such as race and gender within and across these class divisions.

Because only a few people have most of the money and power in Australia, I conclude that it is not an equal society. Society has an Upper, Middle and Lower class and I think that most people when they are born into one class, end up staying in that class for their whole lives. When all three classes are looked at more closely, other things such as the differences between the sexes and people's racial backgrounds also add to the unequal nature of Australian society.

The relative disadvantage of women with regard to their earnings and levels of asset ownership indicates that within classes there is further economic inequity based on gender...

Women earn less than men and own less than men. Why

Exercise: Using the passive voice

Use the passive voice to avoid using personal language.

Avoid using personal pronouns in these sentences by reconstructing them in the passive voice.

We boiled the chemical compound for three hours.

I telephoned all the survey respondents for further feedback.

We use animals for food and clothing.

1.21 Avoiding personal language

The question of whether or not it is acceptable to use personal language in your writing is not clear cut. It is one of those areas where you need to check with your course tutors what their policy is: on some courses it is OK to make your writing fairly personal and subjective; on others it is not permissable. It depends aswell on the type of writing you are doing.

Traditionally, academic writing was impersonal: you would not be able to use words like I, my etc. There has, however, been a shift in this approach over the past few years. Maybe in line with a general move towards more accountability in some walks of life (politicians say “I” a lot more nowadays), some academic writing has become more personal. There may too be an influence from the United States here. You must check on your course, though.

In general, it is probably best not to use too much personal language. Academic writing should very often be objective, with a lack of personal commitment, and being subjective may weaken your argument and lay you open to disagreement or criticism. However, there are times when personal language may be more appropriate; for example, when writing conclusions and when you want to make it clear that it is in fact your personal opinion that you are expressing, rather than someone else’s. Also, if you are describing what you actually did, for example on work placement, personal language is often unavoidable.

Two other general points:

It’s best not to refer to the reader as “you”. Don’t write, for example, As you can see in Figure 1. Use one of the ways shown below to avoid this.

It’s also best not to refer to yourself as “we”. You will see this in some books, but it is somewhat old-fashioned, and may be regarded as pompous or pretentious. Leave the “royal we” for the Queen! And don’t refer to yourself as “the author”, as it can get very confusing if you’re making references to other authors; it may not be clear who actually said what. The only time it is permissable to use “we” is if you are writing about groupwork and saying what you did as a group.

HOW TO AVOID PERSONAL LANGUAGE

There are four main ways of doing this:

1. USE A PASSIVE RATHER THAN AN ACTIVE VERB

2. MAKE WORDS SUCH AS THE ESSAY, THIS SECTION ETC THE SUBJECT OF THE SENTENCE

3. USE WORDS REFERRING TO THE EVIDENCE

4. USE AN IMPERSONAL PHRASE SUCH AS IT IS BELIEVED

Passive verbs

These are often used in introductions to essays or to chapters or sections in a longer piece of work when you are stating what the writing will deal with and how it is structured.

Instead of:In my essay I will discuss the role of the ombudsman. (=active verb)You could write:In this essay the role of the ombudsman will be discussed. (=passive verb)Instead of:I have divided the chapter into three sections.Better:The chapter is divided into three sections.

Change the subject

As an alternative to using passive verbs in introductions etc, you can change the subject.For example:

Instead of:In this essay I will consider the question of immigration control.You could write:This essay considers the question of immigration control.Instead of:In Chapter 2 I will outline the main causes of the problem.Alternatively:Chapter 2 outlines the main causes of the problem.

DO NOT refer to what you think; refer instead to what the evidence suggests.

Impersonal phrases - Use the 'It' constructions.

The subject of these phrases is “it”; for example:

It can be imagined that ... It may be argued that ... It is widely held that ...

It could be argued that It has been suggested that

It can be seen that It appears that

It was found that It is generally agreed that

It could be concluded that It seems that

It tends to be It is widely accepted that

It is doubtful that It is evident from the data that

Exercises – Avoiding personal language

Exercise 1

Suggest improvements to the following sentences.

1. You can apply the same theory of learning to small children.

________________________________________________________________________________

2. You can only do this after the initial preparation has been conducted.

_______________________________________________________________________________

3. The figures are accurate to within 1%, but you should note that local variations may apply.

_______________________________________________________________________________

4. In the second section of the report, we will consider the environmental consequences.

______________________________________________________________________________

Exercise 2

Suggest alternatives to the following:

AVOID using personal judgement words

USE words referring to the evidence

I think From examining the findings,

I feel In light of the evidence,

I believe From previous research,

I am convinced that Considering the results,

I disliked According to the figures,

I liked As shown in the diagram,

I agree It is evident from the data that

I disagree The literature suggests

I am sure that Given this information,

It is my belief that Some theorists argue that

1 In this essay I will discuss the main differences between the English and Scottish legal systems.

__________________________________________________________________________________

2 I have divided my report into five sections.

__________________________________________________________________________________

3 I will conclude by proposing that all drugs should be legalized.

_________________________________________________________________________________

4 The opinion of the present author in this essay is that the importance of the monarchy should be reduced.

_________________________________________________________________________________

5 In the third part of the essay, we will look at the reasons for public hysteria over the SARS virus.

__________________________________________________________________________________

EXERCISE CONVERTING A PIECE OF ‘NON-ACADEMIC’ WRITING INTO ‘ACADEMIC’ STYLE.

1. Read the text below, some ideas for correction, and then rewrite it in a more academic style.

Original text (non-academic style)

In this country, we have changed the lawso that the King or Queen is less powerfulsince World War I. But he or she can still

advise, encourage or warn the PrimeMinister if they want.

Points needing correction

● Non-specific wording (this country)● Personal pronoun (we)● Weak grammar (But is a connecting word andshould not be used at the start of a sentence)● Word with several meanings (law)● Duplication of nouns (King or Queen)● Inconsistent and potentially misleadingpronoun use (he or she, they)● Informal style (can still)

YOUR SUGGESTED ANSWER:

……………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………….

2. Read the texts below and rewrite them in a more academic style.

a) Most people take drug overdoses because they find that it's difficult to sort out their problems clearly.

That's why you should treat your patients in a clear way. That means you should treat your patients in a

way that helps them to tell the difference between their problems and find ways to deal with them.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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b) I would call Wagner a subjective artist. What I mean is that his art had its source in his personality; his

work was virtually independent, I always feel, of the epoch in which he lived.

On the other hand, I always consider Bach an objective artist. You can see that he worked only with the

forms and ideas that his time proffered him. I do not think he felt any inner compulsion to open out new

paths.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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Suggested answers:

1. Corrected points

● Specific wording (country specified: in theUnited Kingdom)

● Impersonal language (legislation has)● Appropriate signpost word (nevertheless)

● Generic, yet well-defined term (legislation)● Singular abstract term (monarchy)● Repeated subject (monarchy) and

reconstructed sentence● More formal style (continues to exercise)

Corrected’ text (academic style)

In the United Kingdom, legislation has been a factor in the decline of the role of the monarchy in the period since World War I.

Nevertheless, the monarchy has survivedand, thus, the monarch continues to advise,encourage and warn the Prime Minister.

2.

a) Most overdoses are taken when individuals are finding it difficult to sort out their life problems in a clear

way. For this reason, the approach to treatment must, above all else, be a clear one; that is, one which

helps the patient separate out each of his problems and plan ways of dealing with them.

b) Wagner was what might be called a subjective artist in that his art had its source in his personality. His

work seems virtually independent of the epoch in which he lived.

On the other hand, Bach can be considered an objective artist. He seems to have worked only with the forms

and ideas that his time proffered him, feeling no inner compulsion to open out new paths.

Features of academic writing

Objectivity

This means that the main emphasis should be on the information that you want to give and the arguments you want to make, rather than you. This is related to the basic nature of academic study and academic writing, in particular. Nobody really wants to know what you "think" or "believe". They want to know what you have studied and learned and how this has led you to your various conclusions. The thoughts and beliefs should be based on your lectures, reading, discussion and research and it is important to make this clear.

1. Compare these two paragraphs:

1) The question of what constitutes "language proficiency" and the nature of its cross-lingual dimensions is also at the core of many hotly debated issues in the areas of bilingual education and second language pedagogy and testing. Researchers have suggested ways of making second language teaching and testing more "communicative" (e.g., Canale and Swain, 1980; Oller, 1979b) on the grounds that a communicative approach better reflects the nature of language proficiency than one which emphasizes the acquisition of discrete language skills.

2) We don't really know what language proficiency is but many people have talked about it for a long time. Some researchers have tried to find ways for us to make teaching and testing more communicative because that is how language works. I think that language is something we use for communicating, not an object for us to study and we remember that when we teach and test it.

Which is the most objective?

2. In general, avoid words like "I", "me", "myself".

A reader will normally assume that any idea not referenced is your own. It is therefore unnecessary to make this explicit.

Don't write:" In my opinion, this a very interesting study."

Write: "This is a very interesting study."

Avoid "you" to refer to the reader or people in general.

Don't write: "You can easily forget how different life was 50 years ago."

Write: "It is easy to forget how difficult life was 50 years ago."

3. Examples

Clearly this was far less true of France than ...

This is where the disagreements and controversies begin ...

The data indicates that ...

This is not a view shared by everyone; Jones, for example, claims that ...

. . .very few people would claim ...

It is worthwhile at this stage to consider ...

Of course, more concrete evidence is needed before ...

Several possibilities emerge ...

A common solution is ...

Table 27.2 Example of converting a piece of ‘non-academic’ writing into ‘academic’style. This table demonstrates some of the key points that are made in this chapter in anexample where a piece of ‘non-academic’ is converted into academic style. Note that theconversion results in a slightly longer piece of text (43 versus 37 words); this emphasises thepoint that while you should aim for concise writing, precise writing might be more important.

Original text (non-academic style)In this country, we have changed the lawso that the King or Queen is less powerfulsince World War I. But he or she can stilladvise, encourage or warn the PrimeMinister if they want.

Points needing correction● Non-specific wording (this country)● Personal pronoun (we)● Weak grammar (But is a connecting word andshould not be used at the start of a sentence)● Word with several meanings (law)● Duplication of nouns (King or Queen)● Inconsistent and potentially misleadingpronoun use (he or she, they)● Informal style (can still)

Corrected’ text (academic style)In the United Kingdom, legislation has beena factor in the decline of the role of themonarchy in the period since World War I.Nevertheless, the monarchy has survivedand, thus, the monarch continues to advise,encourage and warn the Prime Minister.Corrected points● Specific wording (country specified: in theUnited Kingdom)● Impersonal language (legislation has)● Appropriate signpost word (nevertheless)● Generic, yet well-defined term (legislation)● Singular abstract term (monarchy)● Repeated subject (monarchy) andreconstructed sentence● More formal style (continues to exercise)Table 27.2 Example of converting a piece of ‘non-academic’ writing into ‘academic’style. This table demonstrates some of the key points that are made in this chapter in anexample where a piece of ‘non-academic’ is converted into academic style. Note that theconversion results in a slightly longer piece of text (43 versus 37 words); this emphasises thepoint that while you should aim for concise writing, precise writing might be more important.

The impersonal IT

One strategy you can think about is using IT phrases to start your sentences when you are about to give an opinion. This has two effects:

it makes what you say sound more intelligent/plausible

it gives you some ready-made English to use that is grammatically complex

you don’t always need to say “Some people say”

Here are a few alternatives for you:

Impersonal styleCompare the changes in these sentences from informal to academic style.

Comparison of sentences from informal writing to academic writing

Informal writing Academic writing

When I look at the situation in emergency wards, with many staff leaving, it's hard not to worry about how many doctors will be available to treat patients in the future.

If we consider the situation in emergency wards, with increasingly low staff retention rates, there are concerns about the capacity of hospitals to maintain adequate doctor to patient ratios.

It's so obvious that people were given jobs just because they were male or female. I don't think that is an acceptable approach and is even against the law.

It appears that in a number of instances jobs were assigned on the basis of gender. Given the current anti-discrimination laws, this raises serious concerns.

You will notice that, in general, in academic writing we:

minimise the use of the personal I in the text: avoid writing 'When I look; I don't think this is an acceptable approach' use formal verbs, and fewer verb phrases (verb + preposition), use consider rather than look at use impersonal expressions: there are…, this raises use more nouns than verbs: concerns, rather than to worry avoid emotional expressions, such as it's so obvious ( it appears is preferable); just because ( assigned on the basis

of is preferable) aim for concise, often abstract expression, gender, rather than male or female.

Objective writing

In general, academic writing aims to be objective in its expression of ideas. Therefore specific reference to personal opinions, or to yourself as the performer of actions, is usually avoided.

Expressing opinions

Expressing opinions

Personal 'Objective'

In my opinion

I believe that…

In my view…

It has been argued that

Some writers claim…

Clearly,…

It is clear that…

There is little doubt that…

Avoiding too much reference to yourself as agent in your writing

Avoid reference to yourself as agent in your writing

Agent or performer No agent or performer

I undertook the study… The study was undertaken…

I propose to … It is proposed to…

In this essay I will examine… This essay examines…

There are times when it is important to emphasise authorial stance – ie that it is specifically your position or view. Check with your tutor in the unit as to how much of yourself as the author it is appropriate to acknowledge and include in your writing.

Formal language

When writing or speaking, we choose the words which seem most suitable to the purpose and audience. In academic writing we use formal language, avoiding the use of slang and colloquial language.

Try to learn a range of appropriate language for expressing your opinions and referring to those of others.

Some of the language in the following examples is more appropriate for speaking than writing. Identify which expressions are too informal.

1. When I look at the situation in emergency wards, with many staff leaving, it's hard not to worry about how many doctors will be available to treat patients in the future.

2. If we consider the situation in emergency wards, with increasingly low staff retention rates, there are concerns about the capacity of hospitals to maintain adequate doctor to patient ratios.

3. It's so obvious that people were given jobs just because they were male or female. I don't think that is an acceptable approach and is even against the law.

4. It appears that in a number of instances jobs were assigned on the basis of gender. Given the current anti-discrimination laws, this raises serious concerns.

In contrast to spoken English, a distinctive feature of academic writing style is for writers to choose the more formal alternative when selecting a verb, noun, or other part of speech.

English often has two (or more) choices to express an action or occurrence. The choice is often between, on the one hand, a verb which is part of a phrase (often verb + preposition), and a verb which is one word only. Often in lectures and in everyday spoken English, the verb + preposition is used (eg speak up, give up, write down); however, for written academic style, the preferred choice is a single verb wherever possible.

For example

Informal: The social worker looked at the client's history to find out which interventions had previously been implemented.

Academic: The social worker examined the client's history to establish which interventions had previously been implemented.

Select one

Select one

Select one

Select one

EXERCISES - FORMAL STYLE & VOCABULARY

Exercise 1 Rewrite the sentences in a more academic style using verbs from the list below. Note that you may need to change the verb tense. investigate assist raise discover establish increase eliminate

1. Systems analysts can help out managers in many different ways. This program was set up to improve access to medical care. Medical research expenditure has gone up to nearly $350 million. Researchers have found out that this drug has serious side effects. Exercise alone will not get rid of medical problems related to blood pressure. Researchers have been looking into this problem for 15 years now. This issue was brought up during the coroner's inquest.

Exercise 2 Replace the phrasal verbs in the sentences with a more appropriate verb from the list below. Don't forget to keep the same tense. fluctuate investigate eliminate raise reduce propose intervene establish 1 Researchers have been looking into the problem for 15 years. __________________________________2 This issue was brought up during the seminar. ______________________________________________3 It is assumed that the management knows what is happening and will therefore step in if there is a problem. ______________________________________________________________________4 Schools cannot altogether get rid of the problem of truancy. ___________________________________5 The number of staff has been cut down recently. ____________________________________________6 It was very difficult to find out exactly what happened. _______________________________________7 House prices have a tendency to go up and down. _________________________________________8 A potential solution was put forward two years ago. _____________________________________

Exercise 2 Replace the following phrasal verbs with a more formal single word.

1 The locals could not put up with the visitors from the city. __________________________2 The decline was brought about by cheap imports. __________________________________3 The university is thinking about installing CCTV. ___________________________________4 Sales are likely to drop off in the third quarter. ____________________________________5 He went on speaking for over an hour. ____________________________________________6 The meeting was put off until December. __________________________________________7 The cinema was pulled down ten years ago. ________________________________________8 People have cut down on their consumption of beef. ________________________________

Exercise 3 Which of the two alternatives in bold is more appropriate in academic writing?

1 The government has made considerable/great progress in solving the problem.2 We got/obtained excellent results in the experiment.3 The results of lots of/numerous tests have been pretty good/encouraging.4 A loss of jobs is one of the consequences/things that will happen if the process is automated.5 The relationship between the management and workers is extremely/really important.6 Some suggestions springing up from/arising from the study will be presented.

Exercise 4 Use a more formal word or phrase to replace those in bold.

1 The reaction of the officials was sort of negative. _______________________2 The economic outlook is nice.__________________________

3 Car manufacturers are planning a get together to discuss their strategy.________________________4 The resulting competition between countries is good._________________

1. Systems analysts can managers in many different ways.

2. This program was to improve access to medical care.

3. Medical research expenditure has to nearly $350 million.

4. Researchers have that this drug has serious side effects.

5. Exercise alone will not medical problems related to blood pressure.

6. Researchers have been this problem for 15 years now.

7. This issue was during the coroner's inquest.

assist

established

increased

discovered

eliminate

investigatin

raised

Checklist of common problems

Problem Comment

Too much description, not enough analysis

A common complaint of lecturers is that students in general tend to describe rather than analyse in their writing. It is usually not enough simply to outline what you have read. You need to evaluate the ideas, compare them with those of other writers, and examine issues and perspectives critically.

Poor structure

What helps:

linking wordstransition sentencescareful paragraphing'signpost' expressionssub-headingsconsistency between introductions and conclusions

Wrong register (language too informal)

Do not use contractions.Use academic written, not spoken English.Avoid slang or colloquial language and idiom.

Ineffective paraphrasingAvoid 'patchwork paraphrasing'.

Too many quotes

Whilst it is important to refer to other writers in academic writing, it is also important not to rely too heavily on their words. Try to paraphrase much more than you quote.

Poor choice of quotes

Only use a direct quote if it is particularly well-expressed or the ideas are particularly significant. Appropriate quotes used sparingly can greatly improve your writing, but using too many quotes, particularly if they are not well chosen, will detract from your writing.

Insufficient or inadequate sourcesQuantity of your referencesQuality of your references

Incorrect referencingEnsure you understand the style required for the particular assignment.

Plagiarism

Failure to acknowledge the source of all ideas is a serious matter. Copying directly from another text without acknowledgement is even more serious.

Style and clarity

What does style and clarity in academic writing involve?

precise use of formal language impersonal style clearly constructed sentences care with abbreviations and acronyms logical and systematic development of ideas.

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Academic writing style

What is an academic writing style?

Formal writing style

o Examples of more formal words

Impersonal, objective style

o Examples of impersonal style

More personal writing style

Informal writing style

Cautious or tentative style

Referencing other writers' work

Writing style tips

Academic writing is quite different from the chatty, conversational style you use when communicating with friends.

It's also different from the type of writing you read in many newspapers, or novels. It's more formal than other types of

writing, and it follows certain conventions.

 

What is an academic writing style?

When you write in an academic writing style, you don't write as you would normally speak. You avoid using more informal language, such as slang or colloquialisms, or contractions. You structure your language carefully, using complete sentences and paragraphs. Although bulleted lists are also acceptable, they shouldn't be overused, because your writing would start to look like it was just notes.

You can get an idea of the kind of writing favoured in your subject area by looking at relevant research papers in academic journals, and at academic posters. When you're doing the reading for your course, you might find it useful to look at the style of writing, as well as reading for the information.

You'll find your ability to write in an effective academic style will improve the more you read, and the more practice you get in writing.

Academic writing:

is formal

is impersonal and objective

is cautious or tentative

references other writers' work

 

Formal writing style

Formal writing doesn't use contractions, or colloquialisms and slang. Look at these examples:

Contraction Uncontracted phrase

isn't is not

it'll be completed it will be completed

they've they have

 

Slang or colloquial words or phrases

okay

pretty reliable

fix

dead easy

really difficult

messed up

 

Examples of more formal words

Impersonal, objective style

Most types of written assignments should be written in an impersonal, objective style. Generally, this means that you shouldn't use 'I' or 'we' or 'you'. Compare these examples of impersonal writing style:

More personal style

Sometimes you will be asked to write 'reflectively'. This may be as part of an essay or it may be for a reflective diary or log. Here you need to talk about yourself – what you have done, what you have learnt, what you might do differently. In this case it is quite acceptable to use 'I' or 'we'.

 

Informal writing style

[T] [W]

Q How might you change this piece of writing to make it more formal and objective?

 Cautious or tentative style

It is wise to use a cautious tone in your writing, because very often you are discussing issues in which there is no absolutely right answer, or absolutely correct definition, or absolutely perfect solution. If you present something as being the best way, it might easily be shown not to be the best way! So it's usually better to 'suggest', rather than 'state.' You will probably notice this style when you are reading academic articles in your subject.

Here are some examples of a cautious or tentative style.

Examples of cautious or tentative style

It appears that... It may be that...

It seems as though... It is likely that...

This suggests that... It is possible...

Can you think of more?

 

Referencing other writers' work

Academic writing refers to information from a range of print, digital and other sources, all of which must be clearly referenced in your text.

Remember! You must always clearly identify the work and ideas of others in your writing.

Academic writing style tips

Aim to be clear, concise and precise.

Look at research publications in your subject area for an idea of the writing style used.

In general, aim for an objective, impersonal style, avoiding the more personal "I" or "we".

Structure your language formally, using complete sentences and paragraphs.

Avoid using contractions, colloquialisms or slang.

Be "cautious" or tentative where appropriate.

Clearly reference the work of others.

Proofread for writing style and clarity, as well as grammar and spelling.

1.20 Academic writing style

There's no great mystique about an "academic writing style". The most important thing is to keep your writing clear and concise and make sure that you get your ideas over in a comprehensible form. It's clear expression of these ideas that will impress your tutor, not a string of long, inappropriate words found in your dictionary. A wide range of vocabulary is of course important, but you must use the right word, and shorter ones are often better than longer ones. The most important thing to remember is generally to try to avoid everyday, informal language, especially colloquial expressions and slang. Also, spoken language is naturally full of hesitations, repetitions, grammatical errors and unfinished ideas. In your writing, however, structure is much more important: sentences should be complete and ideas arranged into paragraphs or sections, and you should aim for perfection in your grammar and spelling. However, especially if English is not your first language, don't become too obsessed with this, to the point perhaps of copying word for word from your sources. What’s important is that you clearly show your understanding of the subject and your ability to manipulate information to answer a specific question or complete a specific task, and as long as any grammar errors you make don’t impede this, then it shouldn’t be a problem.

Here are a few general points to remember when you are writing your assignments. As well as using appropriate language and aiming for 100% accuracy in your grammar and vocabulary, you should also remember that you're writing for someone else, and hence the importance of punctuation, sentences, paragraphs and overall structure, all of which help the reader.

AVOID SOME ASPECTS OF INFORMAL ENGLISH

don't (do not!) use contractions (eg it's, he'll, it'd etc): always use the full form (it is/has, he will, it would/had).don't use colloquial language or slang (eg kid, a lot of/lots of, cool)always write as concisely as you can, with no irrelevant material or “waffle”.generally avoid "phrasal verbs" (e.g. get off, get away with, put in etc): instead, use one word equivalents.avoid common but vague words and phrases such as get, nice, thing. Your writing needs to be more precise.avoid overuse of brackets; don’t use exclamation marks or dashes; avoid direct questions; don’t use “etc”.always use capital letters appropriately and never use the type of language used in texting!

See the practice exercises at the end of the guide.

STRUCTURE YOUR WRITING CAREFULLY

make sure you write in complete sentences (see Guide 1.34).divide your writing up into paragraphs (see Guide 1.35).use connecting words and phrases to make your writing explicit and easy to follow (see Guide 1.39).check your grammar and spelling carefully (see Guide 1.42).

MAKE YOUR WRITING FORMAL AND IMPERSONAL

avoid too much personal language (I, my, we etc). Some tutors prefer you to avoid it completely. Never use emotive language; be objective rather than subjective.(See Guide 1.22).

avoid being too dogmatic and making sweeping generalisations. It is usually best to use some sort of “hedging” language (see below) and to qualify statements that you make.you should consistently use evidence from your source reading to back up what you are saying and reference this

correctly.avoid sexist language, such as chairman, mankind. Don’t refer to “the doctor” as he; instead, make the subject

plural and refer to them as they. Avoid he/she, herself/himself etc.use nominalisation; that is, try to write noun-based phrases rather that verb-based ones.

   For example, instead ofCrime was increasing rapidly and the police were becoming concerned.Write:The rapid increase in crime was causing concern among the police.

In general, academic writing tends to be fairly dense, with relatively long sentences and

wide use of subordinate clauses. Remember, however, that your main aim is clarity, sodon’t be too ambitious, particularly when you’re starting to write.

HEDGING/AVOIDING COMMITMENT

In order to put some distance between what you’re writing and yourself as writer, to be cautious rather than assertive, you should:

avoid overuse of first person pronouns (I, we, my, our)use impersonal subjects instead (It is believed that ..., it can be argued that ...)use passive verbs to avoid stating the ‘doer’ (Tests have been conducted)use verbs (often with it as subject) such as imagine, suggest, claim, supposeuse ‘attitudinal signals’ such as apparently, arguably, ideally, strangely, unexpectedly.

   These words allow you to hint at your attitude to something without using personal language.use verbs such as would, could, may, might which ‘soften’ what you’re saying.use qualifying adverbs such as some, several, a minority of, a few, many to avoid making overgeneralisations.

EXERCISES

Exercise 1

Replace the phrasal verbs in the sentences with a more appropriate verb from the list below. Don't forget to keep the same tense. fluctuate investigate eliminate raise reduce propose intervene establish

1 Researchers have been looking into the problem for 15 years. __________________________________

2 This issue was brought up during the seminar. ______________________________________________

3 It is assumed that the management knows what is happening and will therefore step in if there is a problem. ______________________________________________________________________

4 Schools cannot altogether get rid of the problem of truancy. ___________________________________

5 The number of staff has been cut down recently. ____________________________________________

6 It was very difficult to find out exactly what happened. _______________________________________

7 House prices have a tendency to go up and down. _________________________________________

8 A potential solution was put forward two years ago. _____________________________________

Exercise 2 Replace the following phrasal verbs with a more formal single word.

1 The locals could not put up with the visitors from the city. __________________________2 The decline was brought about by cheap imports. __________________________________3 The university is thinking about installing CCTV. ___________________________________4 Sales are likely to drop off in the third quarter. ____________________________________5 He went on speaking for over an hour. ____________________________________________6 The meeting was put off until December. __________________________________________7 The cinema was pulled down ten years ago. ________________________________________8 People have cut down on their consumption of beef. ________________________________

Exercise 3 Which of the two alternatives in bold is more appropriate in academic writing?

1 The government has made considerable/great progress in solving the problem.

2 We got/obtained excellent results in the experiment.

3 The results of lots of/numerous tests have been pretty good/encouraging.

4 A loss of jobs is one of the consequences/things that will happen if the process is automated.

5 The relationship between the management and workers is extremely/really important.

6 Some suggestions springing up from/arising from the study will be presented.

Exercise 4 Use a more formal word or phrase to replace those in bold.

1 The reaction of the officials was sort of negative. _______________________2 The economic outlook is nice.__________________________3 Car manufacturers are planning a get together to discuss their strategy.________________________

4 The resulting competition between countries is good._________________5 The economy is affected by things that happen outside the country. ________________________________6 She was given the sack because of her poor record. __________________7 The examination results were super. ________________________

Exercise 5Replace the contractions in the following sentences with full forms where necessary.

1 The results weren't very encouraging. _________________________

2 We'll have to conduct another experiment. _____________________

3 She's been all around the world. _________________________

4 It's the best solution to the problem. ______________________

5 Our questionnaire shows that teachers aren't paid what they're worth.

______________________

6 His response was, "A job's a job; if it doesn't pay enough, it's a lousy job'. _______________

7 He'd rather announce the findings at the conference. _________________

8 The department's approach didn't succeed. _________________________Exercise 6Suggest improvements to the following sentences to avoid use of “you” and “we”.

1. You can apply the same theory of learning to small children.

_______________________________________________________________

2. You can only do this after the initial preparation has been conducted.

______________________________________________________________

3. The figures are accurate to within 1%, but you should note that local variations may apply.

______________________________________________________________

4. In the second section of the report, we will consider the environmental consequences.

______________________________________________________________

Exercise 7Suggest alternatives to the following to avoid use of personal language.

1 In this essay I will discuss the main differences between the English and Scottish legal systems.

2 I have divided my report into five sections.

3 I will conclude by proposing that all drugs should be legalized.

4 The opinion of the present author in this essay is that the importance of the monarchy should be reduced.

5 In the third part of the essay, we will look at the reasons for public hysteria over the SARS virus

6 Although I am not an expert in the field, I have tried very hard to understand the main ideas.

Exercise 8Make these statements more cautious.

1 Today everyone uses credit cards for all their shopping.

___________________________________________________________

2 Drinking wine is bad for you.

___________________________________________________________

3 Global warming will have disastrous consequences for the wholeworld.

___________________________________________________________

4 Teleworking leads to isolation.

___________________________________________________________

5 Women are worse drivers than men.

___________________________________________________________

Exercise 9Rewrite the following in a more formal style.

1. The positive feedback made up for the problems we came across duringthe trials.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

2. You can clearly see the differences between these two learning processes.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

3. The subjects didn't have much difficulty with the task.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

4. We found example after example of autonomous systems in lots of countries.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬______________________________________________________________

Using paraphrase in your writing

In your own academic writing, the most common way of referring to the ideas of another writer is by paraphrasing them. Quotations are found less often and the use of paraphrasing has several advantages associated with it.

What do you think are the advantages of paraphrasing over quotation? Make a few notes in the box below and then check your answer.

Show answer

1. To avoid using too many direct quotations, which could have a negative effect on the coherence of your argument. Paraphrase usually blends in more easily with your own argument whereas quotation, particularly if it is overused, can break up the 'flow' of your writing.

2. To express a writer's ideas in a clearer, shorter or more suitable way for your own purposes, which allows them to support the argument of your essay rather than distract from it.

3. To express something more concisely. Even academic writers do not always write clearly or concisely, and sometimes you can express their ideas more effectively.

4. To create the effect of a more impersonal style which is often preferred for academic writing.

In these activities you will evaluate two paraphrases produced by student writers and then practise paraphrasing yourself.

Activity 1: What makes a good paraphrase?

Jo and Sandra

Two undergraduate students, Jo and Sandra, are writing essays on 'The Role of Stakeholders in Companies' for their business studies course.

They both want to refer to some of the key points made by the writer of the text below, which focuses on the interest that governments have in business enterprises.

Read the text and compare it with the two paragraphs written by Jo and Sandra, paraphrasing the writer's main points. Which student has produced a better paraphrase?

Governments have interests in companies for a variety of reasons. Firms provide the economic basis of the society and are both nourished and regulated by government with the intent of keeping the economy healthy enough to sustain the society and, of course, the government. Government may attempt to control the harms of business activity to other members of society. In some societies, government runs the economy via central planning mechanisms and state ownership of enterprise. The role of government is so important, in fact, that we have already devoted chapter 3 to it.

(Wartick and Wood, 1998)

Jo's paraphrase:

Wartick and Wood (1998:103) point out that governments can have a wide range of interests in companies, from supporting them in order to help the economy, to regulating them in order to stop them harming the rest of society.

Sandra's paraphrase:

According to Wartick and Wood (1998), governments have interests for a variety of reasons. They are both nourished and regulated by government, in order to keep the economy healthy enough to sustain the society. On the other hand, the government may also attempt to control the harms of business activity to others in society. In some countries there is a centralised economy, which the government runs.

Show answer

Jo has produced a better paraphrase.

Can you identify what aspects of Jo's paraphrase made it better than Sandra's?

Activity 2: Recognising what makes a good paraphrase

What helped you to decide which of the two paragraphs contained the better paraphrase? From the following list identify what the writer of the better paraphrase does.

Select the tick symbol next to those actions that the writer does and the cross symbol next to those that she does not do.

 Removes unusual words Uses the same sentence structure as the original paragraph Keeps the paraphrase as simple as possible Expresses the points concisely Always uses the same words as the original Expresses the main ideas in her own words Copies useful pieces of the original text

Show answer

What Jo does:

Removes unusual (and possibly distracting) wordsKeeps the paraphrase as simple as possible Expresses the main ideas in her own words Expresses the points concisely

Jo also provides a reference to the source and uses a suitable reporting verb [Wartick and Wood (1998:103) point out that...].

What Jo doesn't do:

Use the same sentence structure as the original paragraph Use the same words as the original Copy complete phrases from the original text

Now look again at Sandra's paraphrase below and identify any problems with it. Then read the comment.

According to Wartick and Wood (1998), governments have interests for a variety of reasons. They are both nourished and regulated by government, in order to keep the economy healthy enough to sustain the society. On the other hand, the government may also attempt to control the harms of business activity to others in society. In some countries there is a centralised economy, which the government runs.

Show answer

Although Sandra's paraphrase contains a source reference [According to Wartick and Wood (1998)...], her paraphrase is too similar to the original text. She does not try to express the main points in her own words; instead she keeps the unusual or poetic words ('nourished', 'sustain') and simply replaces a few other words. This does not make the text any easier to understand and she could write this without necessarily understanding the text fully.

Sandra tries to keep as much of the original text as possible in her paraphrase, and she also keeps the final sentence about centralisation (which Jo drops). However, she does not link it with the earlier sentences, and so the final sentence does not seem to form part of her argument. The result is that her argument is not clear to the reader.

Activity 3: Practise paraphrasing

Ian

Ian is writing a report about the design and development of customer satisfaction programmes.

He wants to support his own argument using the following ideas that he found in his source material and he plans to incorporate the main points using paraphrase.

Look at the four short extracts from Ian's source material, and try to do the following:

Identify the main point or points in each extract Paraphrase the main points of each in a sentence or two Include a reference to the source material in each paraphrase

1. In analysing the results of numerous surveys of companies' experiences of customer satisfaction programmes between 1997 and 2002, it is apparent that in the majority of cases, the negatives outweighed the positives. This is particularly marked among companies who sent customers an "off-the-shelf" survey, or one from another company. In approximately 85% of these cases, the results were considered to be unsatisfactory.

(Shaw, 2002)

Here is a possible paraphrase:

The majority of surveys between 1997 and 2002 reveal negative experiences of customer satisfaction programmes among companies. Of those who did not develop their own survey, 85% reported unsatisfactory experiences. (Shaw, 2002).

2. The importance to a company of developing its own programme to measure satisfaction cannot be overemphasised. Indeed, this seems to have been the keystone of all successful programmes.

(Shaw, 2002)

Show answer

Here is a possible paraphrase:

Shaw (2002) stresses that the development of tailor-made customer satisfaction programmes is an important factor in success.

The process of development of any customer satisfaction programme is a tentative one and even allowing for experienced development teams and careful planning, there is likely to be a need for review and revision during the process. The input of front-line members of staff should be seen as a vital part of the process and may inform necessary modifications as well as enhancements to be made to the programme.

(Shaw, 2002)

Show answer

Here is a possible paraphrase:

According to Shaw (2002), it will probably be necessary to modify and improve the programme using information gathered from an evaluation process and input from front-line staff.

4. During the implementation stage of most successful programmes, the process was familiar to the majority of employees. They were encouraged by senior management to report customer satisfaction information via internal communication channels, and suggestions on possible improvements were acknowledged and rewarded through recognition and personnel rewards.

(Shaw, 2002)

Show answer

Here is a possible paraphrase:

Shaw (2002) reported that staff familiarity with the customer satisfaction programme is important for its successful implementation, as is encouraging employees to report customer satisfaction and make suggestions through offering rewards.

Notice how the unusual or redundant words or expressions have been removed from all of the paraphrases (e.g. keystone, cannot be overemphasised), repetition is avoided and generally, the paraphrase is kept short and simple. The main points are expressed in the words of the writer paraphrasing the ideas and sentence structure is often changed. A clear reference to the source material is also included.

These are the key points to remember when you are paraphrasing from source material in your academic writing.

In t roduct ion paragraphs

Students often make the mistake of sailing straight into the answering the essay question in the first paragraph without following the convention of beginning with an introduction. Basic introduction paragraphs have a special function. Fortunately, introductions have a recognisable pattern (recipe) you can follow so that you do this correctly.

This workshop:

About introduction paragraphs Writing pattern for introduction paragraphs More information

Key words: background statement, thesis statement, outline statement

About introduction paragraphs

The introduction to an essay is very important. It is the FIRST paragraph that the marker reads and should 'grab' the reader. Introduction paragraphs are usually about 5% of your essay word count. In clearly-written sentences, the writer gives some background on the main topic; explains the academic problem and tells the reader what to expect in the rest of the essay. You can follow a basic pattern (recipe) for writing introduction paragraphs to help you get started. As essay topics and lecturer requirements vary, you will find that 'the recipe' will need to be adjusted to suit the style of essay you will be asked to write.

Try to write your introduction straight from your question analysis, then review it many times while you are writing the body of the essay—this will help you to keep your essay on target (i.e. answering the set question). Note that most introductions generally only include references if definitions are taken from an information source.

Writing pattern for introduction paragraphs

The introduction to an essay is rather like a formal social introduction: How do you do! For example, if an ASO consultant comes to a lecture to do a guest presentation, it would be good practice to be introduced in a meaningful way:

This is Mary Bloggs who is a consultant from the Academic Skills office (relevant info about the person for the job about to be done). Good question analysis is critical to the success of your assignment essay so it is important that you learn a process for analysing a question (statement of purpose). Mary will work with you on analysis of the question you will be answering in your assignment and will show you how to develop an essay plan from your question (a statement about what will be happening in the next hour).

An introductory paragraph is very much tied to question that has been set (see Question analysis workshop) and we use special terms to describe each stage of the introduction.

Exercise 1: Understanding the stages of an introductory paragraph

Click or hover over the introductory paragraph below to see an analysis of its structure and how the introduction matches the set question.

The introduction is usually 'funnel shaped'. It begins with the broadest topic (sentence 1). Then it narrows to the thesis statement or the part of the topic that will be specifically addressed in the essay (sentence 2). The last sentence of the paragraph usually outlines the main points that will be covered in the essay (sentence 3).

Exercise 2: Sentence types in introduction paragraphs

Read the following question and the sample introduction paragraph. The sentences are in the wrong order for an introduction paragraph. Match the statements to the correct sentence type.

Some students who enrol in university studies have difficulties with their writing skills. Discuss the reasons for this problem and critically assess the effectiveness of university intervention writing programs.

1. Because poor writing skills can affect students' success in tertiary education, it is important that writing problems are understood so that university assistance programs are adequate.

Background statement

Thesis statement

Outline statement

2. This essay will identify and examine the main causes underpinning student difficulties with academic writing and consider evidence to evaluate whether programs delivered in universities address this problem.

Background statement

Thesis statement

Outline statement

3. Assignment essays are frequently used as assessment tasks to involve students in research, academic reading and formal essay writing.

Background statement

Thesis statement

Outline statement

Exercise 3: In the right order

These introduction sentences are in the incorrect order. Now that you have identified the sentence types, put them in the correct order (background statement -> thesis statement -> outline statement) for an introduction paragraph.

Drafting the introduction

Read the following two draft introductions. Which seems to be the more adequate?

Introduction 1

Divorce is increasingly a problem in society and sociologists have provided a number of different explanations for it happening. The first type of explanation can be characterised as a legal one. Bilton et al., (1987) who represent this position, say that increased divorce is not necessarily due to families becoming more unstable, mainly because they suggest it is simply not possible to find this information out. Bilton et al. believe instead that increased divorce is related more to changes in family law. They do not think however, that new laws are the cause of divorce, but are a kind of solution for unhappily married couples who did not previously have a way of getting out of their marriage. It will be argued in this essay that a legalistic approach like this is not really adequate.

Introduction 2

One major change that has occurred in the Western family is an increased incidence in divorce. This change is borne out clearly in census figures. For example thirty years ago in Australia only one marriage in ten ended in divorce; nowadays the figure is more than one in three (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1996). An interesting issue is why this change has occurred - a question that has been considered by a number of sociologists. In this essay, I will seek to critically examine a number of sociological explanations for the 'divorce phenomenon' and also consider the social policy implications that each explanation carries with it. It will be argued that the best explanations are to be found within a broad socio-economic framework.

Which, in your view, is the more adequate introduction?

Introduction 2 is clearly more introductory. Unlike Introduction 1, it provides some context for the essay as well as giving the reader a sense of:

i. how the essay will unfold (structure)ii. what the argument will be.

Introduction 1 is less adequate because it contains very little introductory material and fails to orient the reader to the topic. Most of it is taken up with detailed information which is very difficult to follow.

Look again at Introduction 2

Introduction 2

Which sentence in this introduction outlines the essay structure?

Sentence 5 outlines how the essay will unfold.

Look again at Introduction 2

Introduction 2

Which sentence outlines the main argument?

Sentence 6 outlines what the main argument of the essay will be.

Drafting the introduction

Read the following two draft introductions. Which seems to be the more adequate? Why?

Introduction 1

1Divorce is increasingly a problem in society and sociologists have provided a number of different explanations for it happening. 2The first type of explanation can be characterised as a legal one. 3Bilton et al., (1987) who represent this position, say that increased divorce is not necessarily due to families becoming more unstable, mainly because they suggest it is simply not possible to find this information out. 4Bilton et al. believe instead that increased divorce is related more to changes in family law. 5They do not think however, that new laws are the cause of divorce, but are a kind of solution for unhappily married couples who did not previously have a way of getting out of their marriage. 6It will be argued in this essay that a legalistic approach like this is not really adequate.

Introduction 2

1One major change that has occurred in the Western family is an increased incidence in divorce. 2This change is borne out clearly in census figures. 3For example thirty years ago in Australia only one marriage in ten ended in divorce; nowadays the figure is more than one in three (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1996). 4An interesting issue is why this change has occurred - a question that has been considered by a number of sociologists. 5In this essay, I will seek to critically examine a number of sociological explanations for the 'divorce phenomenon' and also consider the social policy implications that each explanation carries with it. 6It will be argued that the best explanations are to be found within a broad socio-economic framework.

Drafting the introduction

Read the following two draft introductions. Which seems to be the more adequate? Why?

Introduction 1

1Divorce is increasingly a problem in society and sociologists have provided a number of different explanations for it happening. 2The first type of explanation can be characterised as a legal one. 3Bilton et al., (1987) who represent this position, say that increased divorce is not necessarily due to families becoming more unstable, mainly because they suggest it is simply not possible to find this information out. 4Bilton et al. believe instead that increased divorce is related more to changes in family law. 5They do not think however, that new laws are the cause of divorce, but are a kind of solution for unhappily married couples who did not previously have a way of getting out of their marriage. 6It will be argued in this essay that a legalistic approach like this is not really adequate.

Introduction 2

1One major change that has occurred in the Western family is an increased incidence in divorce. 2This change is borne out clearly in census figures. 3For example thirty years ago in Australia only one marriage in ten ended in divorce; nowadays the figure is more than one in three (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 1996). 4An interesting issue is why this change has occurred - a question that has been considered by a number of sociologists. 5In this essay, I will seek to critically examine a number of sociological explanations for the 'divorce phenomenon' and also consider the social policy implications that each

explanation carries with it. 6It will be argued that the best explanations are to be found within a broad socio-economic framework.

When and when not to use personal pronouns

There is some debate in the literature about the use of personal pronouns (I/we/you/he etc.) in academic essay writing (see Crème and Lea 2003, Chapter 7; Hamil 1999).

Generally, the rule is that the writing must be appropriate to the task. Using the first person feels comfortable when we are drawing on our personal experiences in some way: eg, when we are writing about events and reflections that are important to us as individuals. But academic writing involves writing about events and reflections that are important because they contribute to knowledge. This means that, in academic writing, using the first person is not always appropriate. In fact, it is much more common to use an impersonal style where the first person may not be used at all.

Rewriting a text in an impersonal style

The following paragraph is written using a personal style, which is inappropriate. Rewrite the paragraph which follows avoiding the personal pronouns. At the same time, try refining the writing and being more succinct.

In this essay, I have decided that I am going to write about nutrition, because I think it is a worthwhile subject. The sort of nutrition I will be talking about is on patients admitted to a surgical ward. Firstly I will talk about under-nutrition then I will move on to talk about malnutrition. We as nurses have done nutritional assessments and I have noticed in the books and articles I have read and on my ward placement, that nutritional assessment has become less important in terms of what the nurses do there. I think we need to have more teaching on nutrition in our course here. (WC108)

When you are ready, you can view a model answer.

The correct answer is:

The paragraph could be more appropriately written as follows:In this essay, nutrition will be explored in the context

of patients admitted for surgery. Under-nutrition will be discussed first, followed by malnutrition. Nurses have been

involved in nutritional assessment and, according to the literature and from observation in practice, nutritional

assessment has become less a part of the trained nurse's role than it used to be. Nurse education may need to include

more courses on nutrition.(WC 63)

Academic writing is about?

Which of the following statements are true?

a) Using subject specific vocabulary

b) Using 'I' as the observer and commentator

c) Mainly being assertive

d) Entertaining the reader

e) Using evidence and argument

f) Showing critical thinking

From these two activities you should note that, in general, academic essays should be written using an impersonal

style. But the first person may be used for some purposes, especially for expressing personal engagement and making

reflective comments.

Personal and impersonal writing 1

Paragraphs A and B are taken from two different pieces of writing. They are both the introductory paragraph of a journal article. Both are written in an academic style but one is written in a more impersonal style that the other. Decide which is written in the more impersonal style and suggest why this is the case.

A There is recognition throughout the NHS and by the general public that control of methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) in the current healthcare environment is essential to the future credibility and survival of the NHS as an institution. The wealth of recent publications with recommendations to combat the effective spread of MRSA through robust infection control practices has served to highlight the seriousness of the situation (Cooper et al, 2004; Marshall et al, 2004; Voss, 2004). (Duncan & Dealey, 2007: 34)

B Reflection contributes to professional development by revealing the knowledge and skills used in everyday practice, and exposing areas that require development (Driscoll and The 2001). This article discusses my reflection on a critical incident encountered at a paediatric burns unit in the Republic of Ireland. I am currently undertaking a master's degree in nursing and a requirement of the masters' programme is to submit a professional portfolio of reflections on practice. This article highlights issues that may be of relevance to other reflective practitioners. (Hilliard, 2006: 35)

1 Writing style

Which of the two extracts is written in a more impersonal style?

a)

b)

Your answer has been saved.

Next: More on personal and impersonal writing

A is more impersonal than B

B is the about the author's personal engagement in her professional development whereas A describes a current,

widespread problem that is going to be discussed.

B sometimes uses the first person whereas A does not.

1

Personal and impersonal writing 2

Now read the concluding paragraph for both articles. What do you notice about the two styles this time?

A: Research undertaken in other studies supported the finding from this research that patients would feel more confident about asking staff and staff would feel more confident about being asked to wash their hands if there was a cultural change in attitude to make such practice routine in hospitals. To that end, the profile surrounding a 'Clean Your Hands Campaign' should be maintained constantly. Undoubtedly, the current drive to involve patients in shaping the future of health care through the foundation trusts and patient associations, for example, should be continued so that something as critical and fundamental as hand hygiene becomes beyond the need to question. (Duncan & Dealey, 2007: 38)

B: The process of reflecting on practice to develop and maintain a professional portfolio is a time-consuming but rewarding process. Reflection contributes to learning by exposing the knowledge embedded in daily nursing practice and by identifying areas of practice that require development. (Hilliard, 2006: 40)

1 Personal or impersonal?

What do you notice about the two styles this time?

Compare the styles in the two extracts.

You may find it useful to read through both articles in full to develop an appreciation of these two styles of academic writing.

References

Duncan P, Dealey C. (2007) Patients' feelings about hand-washing, MRSA status and patient information. British Journal of Nursing 16 (1): 34-38.

Hilliard C. (2006) Using structured reflection on a critical incident to develop a professional portfolio. Nursing Standard 20 (2): 35-40.

Next: Using the second person

Both A and B are written in an impersonal style. This is because they are presenting general conclusions.

A and B both suggest ways forward but the conclusions are made more assertively in A than in B.

A and B both include reflective comments without using the first person.

In this activity you will examine a text that you should not try to emulate in your academic writing. The style is not appropriate and this activity will help you to understand why. The text is the introductory paragraph for the following article:

Hendry C, Farley A.H. (2006) Essential skills for students who are returning to study Nursing Standard 21 (6): 44-48

1. Note the sentences that use the first person and second person.

2. What kind of style would you describe this as?

3. Think of the reasons why the first and second person are used in this paragraph. Why is the whole paragraph not in an

impersonal style?

We have a professional responsibility as nurses to keep our knowledge up to date and to ensure that our practice is based on the best available evidence (Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) 2004). This may be achieved through personal and continuing professional development (CPD) activity or through a more formal course of study. Perhaps you are considering returning to study. You may wish to resume a nursing career after a break or seek to gain further qualification, or maybe you are developing a new role that requires additional knowledge and skills. Returning to study can be an anxious time. Some anxiety is usual and a moderate amount can even be helpful. Adequate preparation and taking control of your studies can help you to manage your anxiety.

Answer: When you have finished compare your answers with these.

You may find it useful to read the whole article because it contains some excellent advice on preparing for university study and developing study skills.

References:

Crème P, Lea M. (2003) Writing at university.Maidenhead: Open University Press, Chapter 7

Hamill C. (1999) Academic essay writing in the first person: a guide for undergraduates. Nursing Standard 13 (44): 38-40Nursing Standard web site Hendry C, Farley A.H. (2006) Essential skills for students who are returning to study Nursing Standard 21 (6): 44-48 [Access online http://www.nursing-standard.co.uk/archives/ns/vol21-06/pdfs/v21n06p4448.pdf last accessed 24/04/07] Full text available from KCL only. Nursing Standard web site

Next: Reflective WritingAnswer 1

We have a professional responsibility as nurses to keep our knowledge up to date and to ensure that our practice is

based on the best available evidence (Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) 2004). This may be achieved through

personal and continuing professional development (CPD) activity or through a more formal course of study. Perhaps

you are considering returning to study. You may wish to resume a nursing career after a break or seek to gain further

qualification, or maybe you are developing a new role that requires additional knowledge and skills. Returning to

study can be an anxious time. Some anxiety is usual and a moderate amount can even be helpful. Adequate

preparation and taking control of your studies can help you to manage your anxiety.

Answer 2

The paragraph is written in a style that is more informal than formal. It is too informal to be used in writing essays and

other assignments.

Answer 3

The paragraph is written in this style because of the writer's intentions to engage and involve the reader personally in

the process of understanding the information that is being conveyed. The writer wants the student, as reader, to learn

from and use this information for personal benefit. Using 'you' is more direct and is more likely to achieve a greater

positive effect than using an impersonal style throughout.