IMAGES IN MEDIATION

The Power of the Metaphor

Preview

What is a metaphor?How do metaphors work?Functions mediators performWhat metaphors might relate to each?

What is a metaphor?

A likenessViewing one thing in terms of anotherGraspable, can capture complexity in a wordExamples: Mike Tyson is an ox. The torch has been passed to. . . We have come to Washington to cash a check. . .

Some become quite common “I’m fed up” “He’s on an emotional roller coaster”

How do metaphors work?

Clarity, VividnessBasic to how we thinkCan set a tone for cooperationCan separate people from the conflictCan visualize new reality through extensionsFocus on some aspects, minimize others

“O.K. Page, Where’s the Beef”

31 functions mediators might perform

Metaphors that might relate to each

Function: Mediators persuade parties to enter mediation

“Let’s sidestep the long arm of the law.”

“Counting on a favorable decision by the judge is, at best, a roll of the dice.”

Function: Mediators explain mediation

Mediation is “a garden” Safe Generate new life

Mediation is “a boat in rough waters”Mediation is “a bridge” Used in both directions—it’s neutral Must support those using it—it’s safe Keeper can’t force persons to use the bridge

—it’s optional

Mediator may ask parties to generate their interaction rules

I want you to create a palate of rules toward each other you will follow in this mediation.”

Mediator vilifies the conflict

“We want this conflict to quit pulling the rug out from under you.”

Mediators explain basics of negotiation

Tell the truth “You must speak with a straight

tongue” “No smoke screens allowed”

Make concessions “Nothing is in concrete” “Each must contribute pieces to this

puzzle”

(con’t)Supply proof “You need to buttress your points”

Right to caucus “Anyone can call a time out”

Demonstrate respect for one another “Let’s refrain from any fire-eating

language”

Mediators state their fairness and neutrality

“I’m on a balance beam. If I lean to one side or the other, I fall.”

Mediators empower both parties

“No one is expected to throw in the towel”

No one is going to roll over dead.”

Mediators urge toward an agreement

“We’re beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.”“I’m expecting you to hammer out an agreement.”“Let’s turn the corner to an agreement and not look back.”“Let’s get the fly out of the bottle.”“What’s barring the door to a settlement?”“Let’s see if we can get on the same page.”

Digressio: Guidelines for using metaphors

Only two or three metaphors per sessionAvoid war & contest metaphorsUse culturally appropriate metaphorsUse familiar metaphorsAvoid risky metaphorsAvoid mixing metaphors

Mediators provide a vision

“You’re here to write some new music you can both sing to.”

“Imagine a box of worries disappearing over the horizon.”

Mediators urge creative thinking

“I want both of you to think outside of the box.”

“The door is wide open to new ideas.”

Mediators encourage a climate of cooperation

“Now that you are in this hole, you both need to build a ladder to climb out.”

Mediators listen to each party’s story

“What’s your outlook on the situation?”

“Have you left any stone unturned?” (A. Starr)

“Jane, What’s your view of the landscape?”

“I’m beginning to get the pulse of the situation.”

Mediators probe for key issues

“What’s the lightning rod in this dispute?”

Mediators implore parties to be patient with the process

“In mediation, the road will have some dips, bumps and turns, but it will get us there.”

Mediators compliment the parties on their cooperation

“You are painting a picture you both can admire”

“Now you’ve got your oars going in the same direction”

“I feel the ground shifting toward an agreement”

Mediators recognize a pending impasse

“I’m sensing a logjam.”

Mediators make suggestions to a party while in caucus

“The ball is in your court.”

“Remember, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

“What’s below the waterline?

Mediators separate issues

“Let’s hang this issue on the line for right now.”

“Let’s put this a back burner for the time being.”

Your Turn!

What metaphors are you thinking of that might pertain to your work?

Mediators try to frame the larger picture

“Let’s try to get your concerns into one field of vision.”

Mediators facilitate face-saving

“Let’s not push each other’s backs against the wall.” [from S. Ting-Toomey]

Mediators promote empathy

“John, put yourself in Mary’s shoes for a minute. How does she feel?”

Mary, put yourself in John’s shoes. . .

Mediators regulate turn-taking

“Each of you will get an equal piece of the speaking pie.”

“Mary, it’s your turn a bat.”

Mediators will interrupt interaction for the benefit of progress

“Excuse me, things seem to be all over the board, let me ask this. . .”

Mediators conduct perception checking

“Let me see if I have a handle on your point.”

“Are you painting the picture that ____________?”

Mediators regulate the emotional climate

“Let’s still the water.” [G. Pollitt]

Mediators restate issues in neutrally-toned language

“Let me guide us into calmer water, you were saying __________?”

Mediators seek clarity

“I’m looking at some murky water here.”

“What’s the bottom-line?”

Mediators suggest trade-offs

Can you do a little horse-trading based on what we’ve discussed?”

“Paul might take _____ from the table, while James might take _______ from the table.”

Mediators show respect for each of the parties

“You are both royalty for opting for mediation.”

Mediators urge parties to not repeat blame statements

“Let’s not spin our wheels on this point.”“Let’s not cycle around again on that point.” [from A. Starr]“No need to extract a pound of flesh.”

Finally, mediators articulate the agreement

“Let me write up your collective smile.”

“Let me run an iron over your ideas and come up with a statement you might agree to.”

Mediators urge parties to follow up on their signed agreement

“Abide by your agreement and you’ll soon be out of the woods.”

“Abide by your agreement and you’ll clean the slate.”

Again, a metaphor is:

Expressing one thing in terms of anotherAdds vividness & clarityProvides a new way of looking at something

Note: Mediator should be alert to parties’ metaphors and amplify on them if helpful

e.g., “I feel like I’m being punished in 3rd grade math.”

SLUT“The End” in Swedish