1. Outline I. Stage 1 - Internal Change A. How it begins B. Addictive Cycle C. Addictive Personality D. Addictive Family II. Stage Two - Lifestyle Change III. Stage 3 - Habitual/Compulsive

2. Stage One - Internal Change(loss of emotional control) A. How It Begins 3. (A.) 1. Sociological Factors Contributing to Addictive Behaviors a. Achievement/Goal Orientation b. Emphasis on Control c. Perfectionism d. Society of Excess 4. e. Live for the Moment (Impulsive) f. Lack of Genuine Relationships g. Disposable Society h. Pain is Out! 5. 2. Experience mood change (stimulating or calm) which produces a high caused from the behavior, event or substance 6. 3. 1st time use is intense - very enjoyable 4. Turn to object to bring relief 7. 5. Emotional Connection/Relationship to Addiction (replacing the usual ways needs are met):a. family/friendsb. spiritualc. selfd. community 8. B. Addictive Cycle1. A = PainNuture oneself through avoidance (offamily/friends, spiritual, self,community) to use the addiction 9. 2. B = Need to Act OutEmotional craving to act out, not to connect withothers. This mental obsession is an indication of stress(produced by the pain); There is withdrawal (fromothers): physically & psychologically 10. 3. C = Acting Out Produces feeling better;Action is the Distraction 11. 4. D = Pain from Acting Out 12. 5. E = D+A Pain from Acting Out/Return toOriginal Pain 13. A = PainE = Consequences(Pain) from Acting OutB = Need to Act Out+ Return toOriginal Pain D=Temporary Relief (Action is the C = Acting OutDistraction) 14. C. Addictive Personality 1. Not the objects (behavior or substance) but thepersonality of the addict; can switch addictions 15. 2. Important for recovering people tounderstand (this will stay with them for life) 16. 3. Always looking for objects to givethem comfort 17. D. Factors in Addictive PersonalityDevelopment 1. Raised in family with lack of closeness,distant 2. Growing up, there are feelings of deep,empty loneliness; depression 18. 3. Raised in family where people are treated as objects;a. already taught addictive logicb. abusive 19. 4. Thoughts associated with themselves (producing subtle personality changes): a. I dont need people b. I dont have to face anything c. Im afraid to face things d. Objects/events are moreimportant than me e. I can do anything I want 20. 5. Feelings produced (either consciously or unconsciously): a. Guilt I did bad b. Shame I am bad loss of self respect, self esteem, self confidence, self discipline 21. 6. Addiction starts to create thevery thing it is trying to avoid:PAIN (cycle) 22. 7. Loss of Emotional Control leads to . Loss of Behavioral Controls a. loss of self (true emotions) 23. b. struggle with addiction: with each time, loss to something more powerful (defeat) leads to power drain loss of self esteem 24. c. Paradox of Control illusion of control when using cant accept powerlessness (why in recovery we teach surrender) 25. d. Addictive logic is always used 1. Normal logic Not right to hurt self or others 2. Addictive logic Relationship is with object first ok to hurt self/others to produce mood change 26. 8. Addiction is based on friendrelationship, euphoric recall of experience& physiological response 27. 9. Addictive Delusional System a. Builds wall to keep self inside, others out; only relate to addictive side & energies inward 28. b. In crisis, may be able to connect with someone else 29. c. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde: going into Stage 2; loss of the original personality 30. D. The Addictive Family1. Unspoken Rules of Dysfunctional Families a) Dont Talk b) Dont Trust c) Dont Feel 31. 2. Roles in Dysfunctional/AddictiveFamiliesa) Enabler tries to make everything ok may also be co-dependent Payoff for Self = importance; self-righteous Payoff for Family = responsibility 32. b) Hero Thinks that by being perfect, the problems will go away Payoff for Self = positive attention Payoff for Family = Self-worth 33. c) Scapegoat Rebels against the family problems (aka: Rebel) Ultimately believes He/She IS the problem Payoff for Self = Attention (negative) Payoff for Family = Takes focus away from family issues 34. d) Lost Child Pulls into a shell Withdraws & isolates self from meaningful relationships Payoff for Self = Escape Payoff for Family = Relief (from responsibility) 35. e) Mascot Tries desperately to make everyone laugh in the midst of the tragedy of the family situation Payoff for Self = Attention (amusing) Payoff for Family = Fun (distraction) 36. f. Dependent Chemical use or behavioral addiction Payoff for Self = Relief of pain Payoff for Family = None 37. System Dynamics ofAddictive/Dysfunctional FamiliesROLEMotivatingIdentifyingIndividual FamilyPossible Feeling SymptomsPayoff Payoff PriceEnabler Importance, Illness,AngerPowerlessness Self Righteous Responsibility(Caretaker)MartyrdomPositive CompulsiveHeroInadequacyOverachievement Attention Self-worth DriveScapegoat Negative Focus AwaySelfHurtDelinquency (Rebel)AttentionDestruction Shyness, SocialLost Child LonelinessEscapeRelief SolitudeIsolation Clowning, AttentionImmaturity, MascotFearFun Emotional(Clown) Hyperactivity(Amused)IllnessDependent,Shame Chemical Use, Relief of NONEAddiction Addict Behavioral Addict. Pain 38. Stage Two - Lifestyle Changebehavioral changesphysical dependenceritualseffects on others 39. A. Behavioral Dependency more & more out of control not dependent on mood change or event, butaddictive personality every time the person acts out, they increase theircommitment to the addictive personalitydevelopment they have to keep withdrawinginto the personality for support 40. 1. may lie2. blame others3. withdraw (hide food, liquor) 41. 4. ritualize behaviors (strengthens our tie to what itrepresents) a. form of language (birthday party) b. predictable - bring us comfort at times of crisis,statements of what we have faith in (funerals) c. may make choices/decisions because of rituals 42. d. rituals connect people: Healthy vs.Unhealthybinds us to others isolatesproduces pride produces shamereinforces positivereinforces therelationships with negative addictionothers 43. B. People Problems1. Objects dont ask questions2. Objects dont make demands3. Project Addictive Belief system on others Do unto others, before they do unto you Everyone uses something 44. 4. Family & Friends label the addictive person5. Family & Friends behaviors change to new person 45. 6. Addict assumes role in family as addict (servespurpose)7. Negative label gives freedom to act more irresponsibly(fulfills role) 46. 8. Self becomes more shameful & more manipulative 47. C. Being Out of Control1. Increased anger & pain - tolerance2. More acting out 48. 3. Energy drain - search for control4. Spiritual emptiness: feels insane/divided;Jekyll/Hyde; behavioral changes 49. Stage 3 - Habitual/CompulsiveA. Breakdown of Self addictive Personality in total control, cares about nothing but maintaining control over person & environment - getting high from acting out 50. B. Stress from:1. Acting Out - break down of addictive cycle: no longer produces much pleasure, only pain2. Addictive logic breaks down; behavior doesnt make sense to person, relies on rituals 51. 3. Coping mechanisms break down causing emotional overload: a. cries b. rages c. paranoia d. free floating anxiety 52. 4. Needs Conflict - wants to be alone to binge, but alsowants to be with others5. Interactions break down (less social, feel that peoplecan see through them)6. Environmental problems: job, law 53. 7. Physical problems a. liver b. bulimic (esophageal tract) c. STD - sex addict d. spender - charges more than income e. overeater - health problems 54. 8. Thoughts of Suicide a. intense pain: addictive promise not working, doesntbelieve in self b. shame - hates addictive self 55. C. Possible Outcomes:1. Suicide2. Jail3. Death4. Treatment5. (Stuck until there is an intervention)