Delilah S. Dorsey

09/17/2014

English 1101

Jarod Kintz said “If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because

I have no idea where I am right now.” Where am I? Who am I? Why do I like the things I

choose? So many questions arise when you reach that point in life where you feel like you need

to find what defines you as an individual. Knowing who you are is only the half of it though,

other things and even people play a significant role in shaping you. For example, when you’re

born into the world, you know nothing at all. You have to spend time learning and being molded

by your parents until you’re old enough to decide for yourself.

Being the youngest child of three isn’t easy. In my opinion, the first child is the test to

every parent because there are no rules or guidelines on how to be a parents. A leap of faith if

you will, when the first child makes mistakes the parent(s) have this time to make mistakes too.

By this time another child is born into the family and they get to experiment again, but not as

much. The last child is born, they got it down to a science so they think they do.

I am the only girl, growing up I was pretty rough considering I had two older brothers.

Things were so sweet I had not a care in the world. When my brother’s would try to bully me I

would fake a crying spell and run to my dad. He would raise so much hell, “I catch you messing

with the baby again, and I’m whooping everybody!” I always wondered would my father whoop

“the baby?” Finally got that question answered when I didn’t get my way in the grocery store, I

never seen my dad turn red before. After that encounter, the thought of acting a fool in the

grocery store made me think twice.

By the time I was twelve my parents had split and we stayed in Chicago while my dad

went back to Wisconsin; where we had moved from a few years earlier. It was hard because my

dad was a stay at home parent and my mom was the hard working never at home parent.

Adjusting to the new arrangement of having one parent in the house took a toll on me, things

started to change; I began to evolve. Smart mouthed and angry is what I became. I was nice all

the time, but the moment I felt bad everyone around me needed to know what I was feeling. I

learned a lot of lessons the hard way because I felt like I knew everything already. This didn’t

help me though, it hurt me in the long run.

Failing in school, not doing homework and staying out past curfew was cool in my world.

My mom wasn’t at home and my brother would be out doing his own thing even though he was

supposed to be watching me. Little did I know my mom had spoken with the neighbors and

asked if they could keep an eye on the house because I was supposedly home alone? There was a

birthday party I just couldn’t miss, so I went and came in the house at midnight. The next day

when I got home from school my mom had taken the television, computer and left a note

requesting my cell phone. In rage I ran to her room with tears streaming down my face yelling “I

didn’t do anything, I told somebody I where I was and I got a ride home!” She just stared sternly

and whispered “so.”

When my mom started getting calls from the school to the house, she was furious. She

then started making me stay after school for tutoring and to get help with homework. I hated

staring out the window as my friends left to go home and play outside. Getting used to the fact

that I had to stay after school caught up with me and I became a student leader. This was the start

of changing for the greater good, I joined more academic clubs and even gained a liking for

JROTC. Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps became my second priority next to maintaining

my good grades. I continued to work hard until eighth grade graduation and when the time came

I was ready. Graduation was beautiful, I was in the top ten and I was a student council member.

High school wasn’t what I thought it would be, it wasn’t how it was portrayed on

television. Every one told me that the transition wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t listen though I had to

find out for myself. Making mistakes was what I was used to and I figured why stop here, keep

making mistakes and learning from them. In turn I began to ditch classes and walk the halls, this

was no good for my grades. I eventually failed a few classes and had to go to summer school.

Failing didn’t stop me, I was still determined coming for my goals like an angry bull.

I spent the next three years still screwing up my record with bad markings, but once again

when it came time to graduate I was ready. I guess God has big plans for me, he didn’t let me

fail, I strongly believe that the path I am on is bumpy for a reason. Nobody goes through life

without having trouble every now and again. The storm was thick in my life, but I made it out to

see the sunshine. I haven’t made it to that golden pot at the end of the rainbow yet, I’m taking it

one day at a time.

Now I am in college; I have a job and my own place with a vehicle. I’m doing pretty well

for the moment, I get scared sometimes. I found myself crying the other day and I just curled up

on my bed thinking to myself for hours. When I finally got up, that little voice inside me said

“don’t quit, it’s not over keep fighting.” I wiped my tears and shook my head yes, making this

vow to not give up is going to drive me to do better. I still haven’t found myself, I’m still looking

for Delilah. There is no defining myself if I evolve and find something new about myself every

day. When I find myself I’ll know it, but until then I must feed my faith and my fears will starve.