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Frankonal Conference 2011

Meetings are held the 1st & 3rd Thursday of every month Hospice of the Bluegrass

Frankfort Office 643 Teton Trail

Frankfort, KY @ 6:30 P.M. Chapter Leader &

Regional Coordinator Dusty Rhodes (502) 330-4769 Email: drhodes@fewpb.net

Secretary Kathy Wainscott (502) 517-6289 Email: khwainscott@yahoo.com Treasurer Helen Thompson (502) 395-0213

Newsletter Editor Katrinka Jennings (502) 330-0300 101 Crab Orchard Rd, Frankfort Email: teddysmom1218@aol.com

Newsletter Distribution Mary Rhodes (502) 330-5191

Email: mrhodes@fewpb.net

TCF Librarian Debbie Jackson (859) 873-9552

Steering Committee: Dusty Rhodes, Karen Cantrell Helen Thompson, Joe & Patti Hyman Kathy Wainscott

Frankfort TCF Website http://thecompassionatefriendsfran

kfortky.com/ Webmaster Karen Cantrell (502) 320-6438 Email: Karen821285@yahoo.com

Address: The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, KY. P.O. Box 4075 Frankfort, KY 40604-4075

Website for National Office www.compassionatefriends.org TCF National Office P.O. Box 696 Oak Brook, IL 60522 877-969-0010

I wish you gentle days and quiet nights.

I wish you memories to keep you strong.

I wish you time to smile and time for song…

And then I wish you friends to give you love,

When you are hurt and lost and life is blind.

I wish you friends and love and peace of mind.

~ Sasha

DON’T FORGET REGISTER NOW

Frankfort, KY Regional Conference 2012

“Wilderness of Grief-Is There Hope?” March 23

th & 24

th

Information and registration included in this newsletter

please make sure your registration is received by March 21, 2011

Registrations received after this date are accepted, however pictures will not be included in slideshow

THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS NEWSLETTER FRANKFORT, KY

January 2012 Volume 8 Number 9

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Our January Children Birthday Remembrance

3 David Wilcher Jr., son of David & Kim Wilcher 2 Chris Vickery, son of Mike & Pam Miller

13 Amy Woodyard, daughter of Joan Glass 4 David Wilcher Jr., son of David & Kim Wilcher

14 Ethan Smith, son of Chad & Lesley Smith 7 Kyle Wilkins, Gary & Angela Wilkins

16 Raeshawn Flakes, son of Tiffany Reed 9 Julie Tutt, daughter of Eddie & Sue Tutt

23 Amber Poynter, daughter of Holly Cairell 19 Amber Poynter, daughter of Holly Cairell

29 Matthew Edwards, son of Linda Downing 23 Leslye Robertson, son of Judy Mason

25 Justin Malena, son of Laura Malena

26 Zachery Morey, son of Steven & Audrey Morey

grandson of Gracie

27 Anthony Taylor, son of Ron & Betty Burgess

If your child's name has been left out of this section, or there is missing/incorrect information, please

Contact Mary Rhodes at mrhodes@fewpb.net or 502-223-1505 .

Happy Birthday Teddy

This morning I woke when my cell phone beeped letting me know I had a message. It was from a very dear

compassionate friend that said “Happy Birthday Teddy”. I thought about that day 37 years ago when he was

planning on making an unexpected early arrival. Beautiful

morning then cooling off in the afternoon and snow by the

time he arrived. I felt as if my life was now complete.

This afternoon my family gathered at the cemetery. We each said

something we remembered about Teddy mostly silly things he

did; said Happy Birthday and released 37 balloons. As they rose

up toward the sky they looked as if they formed the big dipper

which reminded me of his big heart.

Welcome to the Frankfort Chapter of the Compassionate Friends

Meetings are open all family members and you are welcome to bring someone with you for support. No one is obligated to speak but we hope that meeting and listening to people that do KNOW what you are experiencing will help you in your grief journey. Everyone you meet there knows what it is like to walk into that first meeting and you can be assured you will be welcome. Coming to that first meet-ing is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Try not to judge your first meet-ing as to whether or not the Compassionate Friends will work for you. At the next meeting you may find just the right person or just the right words said that will help you in your grief. The purpose of our meetings is to listen, share and hopefully offer support.

My sincere apologies to Gary Hockensmith father of Jason Hockensmith. Jason would

have celebrated his 32nd birthday on Dec 21.

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Note from our Chapter Leader Dusty Rhodes

How time flies by in the journey of grief. Today, as I write this column for our monthly newsletter Mary & I

will celebrate the life of Ryan Patrick Rhodes. On December 21st our youngest son, Ryan, died of suicide. We

have as all of you have; experienced those sleepless nights, guilt, and those burning tears that so often popup. I

have 8 years of grief experience and wonder at times will I ever get better. My heart goes out to all of our readers

who have felt the same emotions & continue to do so. I often ask myself “WHY do I continue to live”? That’s

when I realize that my family in now the Compassionate Friends. You are the ones who make my life seem so

important and worthwhile. Our children, grandchildren & siblings lived and we will celebrate their life. We have

those special moments and memories that come to us daily.

Just recently we celebrated their lives thru our annual candlelight program. I would like to personally thank our

steering committee, Kris Munich and Michael Nunley. Even though we had some audio set up problems at first

the program touched everyone who was present. I would also like to thank Frankfort’s Cable 10 for allowing

those who could not attend to view the program on television at a later date.

Our steering committee is working hard on our upcoming conference on March 23rd

& 24th

. We encourage you

to attend and participate. Just recently I received a call from Sheila who lives in Alabama, who has no compas-

sionate friends group in her area. She and her friend are planning to attend.

By the time this newsletter is received Christmas will be over. We hope that you have had the best Christmas

even in your pain. Our children, grandchildren and siblings lived and I encourage you to live. Be gentle on your-

self. Be a Compassionate Friend to someone who has recently lost their child.

A love gift is a tax-deductible donation given in memory of a child that died. Because of these gifts we

are able to continue reaching out to bereaved parents. We would like to thank the following for their

gifts.

Donations from our attendees at our Candlelighting

Donnie & Audra Rodgers in memory of Ryan Rhodes

John & Sharon (Jennings) Ryan in memory of Teddy Jennings Hope this can help in some small way for your organization to continue to provide love and sup-

port to those traveling thru the darkest times of their lives. May God continue to provide all the

needs and show grace to each of you.

Hugs & Blessings

Love gifts can be sent to: TCF of Frankfort

PO Box 4075

Frankfort, KY 40604

Love Gifts

WEATHER ALERT

Our meeting will be canceled if Franklin County Schools are

closed due to weather conditions.

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The Frankfort Chapter to host- “Wilderness of Grief-Is There Hope?”

March 23 & 24, 2012

Registration Form:

Guest Name:__________________________________________________ (please print)

Guest Name:__________________________________________________ (please print)

Address:______________________________________________________

City:____________________________State:______ Zip___________Phone________________________Email:_______________________________________________

Name of Child: _____________________________ Name of Child: _____________________________ Name of Child: _____________________________ Name of Child: _____________________________ Special dietary needs::

Vegetarian -How Many?_____ Gluten Free-How Many?____ No Child Care is Available

Conference Registration: $60.00 per person includes Friday night dinner, breakfast Saturday morning and boxed

lunch on Saturday. Choice of workshops on Friday & Saturday. Make check payable to The Compassionate Friends.

Last Day to Register March 21, 2012---Make check payable to The Compassionate Friends and mail registration and your *child’s picture to: The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, KY, PO Box 4075, Frankfort, KY 40604

If you have family/friends that wish to only attend Friday night dinner the fee is $15 or join us for only lunch on Saturday, the fee is $15.00. *To insure your child’s picture is included in the slideshow, please submit a small photo of your child with your registration by March 21, 2012. Place child’s name and dates on the back of the picture. We do our utmost to return all pictures but please do not send originals. Capital Plaza hotel has a block of rooms reserved at a discounted rate of $79 plus tax. Please mention TCF when making your reservation-502-227-5100. 405 Wilkinson Blvd., Frankfort, KY 40601 If you would like to bring an item for our memory tables, please do so. Example of items to bring: pictures/awards/poems etc…. Regina Blanton will be available making picture buttons for you before the sessions and after. Please bring pictures for Re-

gina to make picture buttons for you.

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Our speakers and workshop conductors will have cd’s, dvd, books etc for purchase and make themselves available to sign the materials during the conference breaks, before and after sessions.

PLEASE CHECK ONE WORKSHOP PER SESSION

(Workshops are subject to change without notice.)

Friday Friday Saturday Saturday Saturday 2:00 – 3:30 3:45 – 5:00 9:20 – 10:20 11:00 – 12:00 1:30 – 2:45 a.__Anticipated Grief

g.__What Helps/What Doesn't

a.__Surviving Suicide

g.__To be deter-mined (repeat of Fri-

day, Darcie Sims)

m.__Surviving Suicide

b__Sudden Death h.__What Parents Need to Know About Teen Grief (Dr. Heidi

Horsley & Dr. Gloria Hors-ley)

b.__ The Art of Healing, Loss Grief & Grace (Sha-

ron Strouse)

h.__ Dreams A Blessing in Disguise (Carla Blowey)

n.__Creative Dream-ing, a Doorway Through Loss to Love (Sharon Strouse & Carla Blowey)

c.__Healing, Guilt & Regret (Alan Pedersen)

i.__Wisdom Bowls (Sharon Strouse)

c.__What is Grief (Alan Pedersen)

i.__Wisdom Bowls (Sharon Strouse)

o.__ Helping Hand & Ear (Sarita Cunningham)

d.__To be Determined

(Darcie Sims)

j.__Dreams a Blessing in Disguise (Carla Blowey)

d.__ What Parents Need to Know About Teen Grief (Dr. Heidi Horsley &

Dr. Gloria Horsley)

j.__ Finding Hope After Loss Seven Lessons We’ve Learned Along the Way (Dr. Heidi Horsley

& Dr. Gloria Horsley)

p.__Finding Hope Af-ter Loss Seven Lessons We’ve Learned Along the Way (Dr. Heidi Horsley

& Dr. Gloria Horsley)

e.__Helping Hand & Ear (Sarita Cunningham)

k.__First Two Years e.__ BirdHouse Project (Kris Munsch)

k.__ First Two Years

q.__Anticipated Grief

f.__Surviving the Loss of Infant, Mis-carriage & Stillborn

l.__Beyond Two Years

f.__ Sudden Death l.__ Beyond Two Years

r.__ Birdhouse Project (Kris Munsch)

Guest Speaker

Friday Night’s speaker will be Pat O’Donnell from Westland MI. Pat is currently serving as

President of the National Compassionate Friends.

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Forever Entwined By Annette Mennen Baldwin Katy, Texas, TCF In memory of my son, Todd M. Mennen July 24, 2005 Losing a child to death is statistically improbable, yet all parents harbor the concept as their worst fear, the stuff of night-mares, cold sweats and anxiety. But when our children die, the anxiety of that possibility pales against the soul wrenching horror of the reality. At first we freeze in time as our focus is on the primal … breathe, drink water. After the initial shock has ceased to control our every moment, we seek answers. Can I get through this? Do I want to get through this? How have others managed to continue living after their child has died? I have disconnected from my friends and even my family. I don‟t want to go forward … the pain is too intense. Death would be a mercy. Life is no longer a joy.

My heart is broken. I will never see my child again. If we are fortunate enough to find a Compassionate Friends Group, we meet people who have taken this nightmare journey … and survived. Our first meeting is the most difficult … at my first meeting the only word I could say was my son‟s name. Later, we tell our story to those have experienced the death of their child and find that talking to kindred souls can be cathartic. If we persevere and continue to attend meetings, get to know other parents, participate in the group discussions, cry with others and smile at the memories of their child … we begin the healing process.

Now our lives are forever entwined with those of other parents who have lost a child to death. Like the Celtic knot, we are now part of an eternal paradigm: we are strands in the knot, weaving our stories into each others‟ lives. This interlace of our lives is a permanent and beautiful blending of souls seeking comfort from one another. Our reality is shared by others;

we lean on them, they lean on us. We give, we receive.

Many friends from our lives before the death of our child hesitate to mention our child‟s name and even fear talking about our child‟s life and listening to our memories. But we don‟t want to forget our child as that would be the worst betrayal. We want to talk about our child‟s life and keep their spirit with us always. Those in our lives who do not share this feeling are not part of our eternal paradigm; they will never be entwined with us as we complete our journey on this earth.

The Celtic knot, the symbol of eternity, is symbolic of the relationships we have found at The Compassionate Friends. These lives are forever woven into ours; we accept each other‟s perspectives and share their sorrow and the joy of their memories. There is a place in our Celtic knot for all parents who have lost a child.

As other parents join us, they are enfolded forever into the eternal paradigm of healing and compassion

My Old Friend Grief

By Adolfo Quesda TCF, Colorado My old friend Grief is back. He comes to visit me once in awhile to remind me that I am still a broken man. Surely, there has been much healing since my son died six years ago, and surely, I have adjusted to a world without him. However, the truth is we never completely heal and we never totally adjust. Such is the nature of the loss that no matter how much life has been experienced, the heart of the bereaved will never be the same. It is as though a part of us dies with the person we lose through death.

And so my old friend Grief drops in to say “Hello.” Sometimes he enters through the door of my memory. I will hear a song or smell a fragrance. I will look at a picture and I will remember how it used to be. Sometimes it brings a smile to my face … sometimes a tear.

One may say that remembrance is unhealthy … that we should not dwell on thoughts that make us sad. Yet the opposite is true. Grief revisited is Grief acknowledged and Grief confronted is Grief resolved. But if Grief is resolved, why do we feel a sense of loss when we least expect it? Because healing does not mean forgetting and moving on with life does not mean that we do not take a part of our lost love with us. Of course, the intensity of the pain decreases over time if we allow Grief to visit from time to time.

Sometimes my old friend Grief sneaks up on me. It is as though the ones we have lost are determined not to be forgot-ten. My old friend Grief does not get in the way of living. He just wants to come along and chat sometimes. Grief has taught me a few things about living I would not have learned on my own. He has taught me that if I try to deny the reality of loss, I end up having to deny life altogether. Old Grief has taught me that I can survive great loss and although my world is different, it is still my world and I must live in it.

My old friend Grief has taught me that the loss of a loved one does not mean the permanence of death. My friend will be back repeatedly to remind me to confront my new reality and to gain through loss and pain.

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The Holidays Are Behind Us By Marie Andrews / TCF Southern Maryland

It is the New Year. The holidays are behind us. We did with them what we could. Whether they were a time of sorrow, a

time of joy, or a combination of each, they are now a part of our memories. In a strange way, as a memory in our hearts and

in our minds, our child’s place is there amongst all the other memories of the season. There is hurt along with the memory,

but also thankfulness for the memory.

Now we look out on a winter landscape. The earth is cold, the land sharply defined. Yet underneath the hard crust, the great

energy and warmth of our earth is guarding and providing life to all that grows. We may personally know the coldness and

hardness of a grief so fresh that we feel numb; a grief so hurtful that our body feels physically hard; our throats tight from

the muscles pulled by tears, shed or unshed; our chests banded tightly by the muscles of a mourning heart.

If we are not now experiencing this, our memories recollect so easily those early days. Yet, as we live these days, like the

earth from which we receive our sustenance, we, too, in our searching, find places of warmth and change and love and

growth, deep within. Let our hearts and minds dwell in these places and be warmed and renewed by them, and let us have

the courage and love to share them with our loved one, to talk about even the first time shape of new hope, or of new ac-

ceptance, or of new understanding, or of new love.

These are the new roots, born of our love of our child, forming and stirring within, gathering strength so that our lives, at

the right time, can blossom once again and be fruitful in a new and deep way.

New Year’s Resolutions for Bereaved Parents Nancy A Mower / TCF Honolulu, HI

- That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a timetable on my grief.

- That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should

not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

- That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else

feels I should be “brave” or “getting better” or “healing by now.”

- That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can’t deal

with their own feelings.

- That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot pos-

sibly know how it feels.

- That I will not blame myself for my child’s death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I

could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of

the grief process and it will pass.

- That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.

- That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural for me, and that I

won’t feel compelled to explain this communication to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.

- That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my

grief.

- To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feeling of disorientation, lack of

energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.

- To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.

- To let myself heal and not to feel guilty about feeling better.

- To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous – that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find

myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that “slipping backward” is also a

normal part of the grief process and these moods, too, will pass.

- To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think

of cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

- That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that others will help me to get over my depression.

- That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.

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Frankfort TCF PO Box 4075 Frankfort, KY 40604-4075

A Prayer for a Compassionate Friend

Dear Lord, Please send me someone who will walk along side me in my grief, someone who understands the suffering and pain I am going through, send someone who will listen with their eyes and hear my sorrow,

someone who will listen to my laments and be silent, someone who will let me cry and will cry with me, send someone who will hold my hand and touch my pain, someone who can feel my pain in their heart, someone

who can put their healing touch into my heart and bring out the hope and light that is inside of me. Please send me someone who will stay by me and accept me the way I am. Please send me someone who gives me hope

and shows me your love…Please send me a Compassionate Friend.

This is written for all Compassionate Friends who have answered this prayer. Thank you for entering into your pain again and again to be there for the bereaved parents who need your compassion and friendship. God

Bless You, you make a difference. ~Beverly Elero, TCF Leesburg.

.

This newsletter is sent to you as part of our

chapters’ outreach. If you are planning a move

or name change or if you would rather not

receive it, please let us know at 502-223-1505