I am

I amI amI am I am

Ever

ythi

ng w

ill b

e fin

e in

the

end.

If it

is n

ot fi

ne, i

t is

not t

he e

nd.Everything w

ill be fine in the end. If it is not fine, it is not the end.

Willy Lamers 2005

Foreword01

This book ‘I am’ is actually a reflection of myself. For at least one year I have been suffering from the eating disorder Bulimia Nervosa. But the obsession with food was always in me. I admitted that I had an illness and I really want to fight against it. During my recovery the last months I felt much stronger and I decided to make this book for my final project of my Graphic design course. We are problem solvers, so why don’t take this challenge to solve my problem? A book with thoughts I want to be out of my head, a book for my friends and family to make it easier to understand me. But last but not least, a book for al the other sufferers, friends and family of other sufferers of a eating disorder, because I’m sure...I am not the only one

The designer of this book

02

‘This person’ can be anyone from someone with bulimia. It can be your husband or wife, your sister or brother, your son our daughter, your lover or friend, a parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a niece, a nephew, a cousin. They might be male or female, any age and come from any religious background. It is me, it is you or it is someone you love or know.

04

Encourage, dream, hope, soar, life is a neverending story, just unlock the door.

06

YES! 10

I LOVE YOUYOU LOVE ME

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides

14

SPRING 17

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

1 2 3 4 523452345

2345

19

1 is my target

When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view of the top

20

I CAN’T STOP21

HAVE A BREAK23

What should I eat today?

Don’t dwell in the past, don’t focus on the future, just live in the present

25

Just a conversation between you and me.

You: Hello!Me: Hey, how are you?You: I’m allright, thanks. How are you?Me: Not that bad.You: How was your weekend?Me: Was allright, went out for some drinks with friends and went swimming.You: Cool, mine was just boring, stayed at home for three days. Wanna come for a dinner tonight? I’m gonna cook a nice meal!Me: Ah yes, that would be great! What time?You: Ehm, see you at seven, okay?Me: Okay! But I have to go now, I’m meeting some friends.You: We’ll speak later, See you tonight!Me: Bye, see you!

27

BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA

30PERFECT!

Aim for succes, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person.

One a day 33

Exercise 38

RELAX 42

mmmmm43

(mirror)45

Look at yourselfWAUW!

46

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I FEEL GOODtadadadadadada

James Brown

51

TEST

Who other poeple think you are? Answers are for who you are now, not who you were in the past.

53

1. When do you feel at your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon and early evening c) late at night

2. You usually walk..... a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly

3. When talking to people, you... a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips or in pockets d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch your chin or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with... a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, You react with... a) a big appreciated laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile

54

6. When you go to a party or social gathering, you... a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. When you’re working or concentrating hard, and you’re interrupted, you... a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most? a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray

9. In those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie... a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are... a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant

55

Now add up the total number of points.

POINTS:1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 62. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 13. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 64. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 15. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 26. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 27. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 48. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d)4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 19. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 110. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

OVER 61 POINTS60 POINTSOthers see you as someone they should “handle with care.” You’re seen asvain, self-centered and one who is extremely domineering. Others mayadmire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don’t always trust you,hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTSOthers see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who’s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTSOthers see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTSOthers see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who’s extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTSYour friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTSPeople think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn’t want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as worrier who always sees problems that don’t exist. Some people think you’re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren’t.

SCORE 58

Others see me as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see me as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

59

But I don’t think I even know who the real me is...63

But I don’t think I even know who the real me is... 63

Just listen to them, be gentle and caring. Talking helps. Often times they feel afraid to ask for help, or don’t feel there is a proper forum in which to ask. More often than not, the sufferer does not feel they deserve help. Encourage them finding support in others who share the same experiences, through support groups, online forums and chat rooms. Talking with a psychologist, find out who they are. It is important to remember that there is not one simple thing that causes a person to develop an eating disorder. It usually lies in some combination of the social, environment, and biological attributes, and/or the family dysfunction of each individual.

60

BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA

To relieve the symptoms of depression

Please remember, I am right here fighting with your illness! You have to do it by yourself, but now you made the discision to recover, try not to loose the will power. Don’t expect you will do it without struggling. Food will always be an obsession, for the entire life. But, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

55

THREE to betaken EACH DAY

as directed 54

CAN’T SLEEP

Poor sleeping habits is one of the physical symptoms of bulimia. Even as headache, dizziness, low blood pressure, soar throats, hair loss, grey skin, feeling cold, loss of sexual desire, loss of menstrual cycle, constipation or incontinence, stomach pains, impaired digestive system and tooth decay.

51

GO NOW BACK TO PAGE 9AND START AGAIN

48

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

47

BUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUHBUUUUUHUUUUHUUUUH

HUNGRY44

Not enough

Perfectionism is the voice of the opressor. When is it perfect? A lot of bulimic sufferers are avarage weight. You can’t see it from the outside. Physical dan-gers are invisible and happening internally. Food and weight are a symptoms for emotional conflicts.

42

Not enough 41

DINNER 39

1620kcal / 4kcal = 405405 x 1m28 = 595m595m / 60m = 9h55

Time remaining:(for burning all the crisps)

9h55 - 1m28 = 9h53m32

38

1620kcal / 4kcal = 405405 x 1m28 = 595m595m / 60m = 9h55

Time remaining:(for burning all the crisps)

9h55 - 1m28 = 9h53m32

11

Exercise36

(mirror)34

Look at yourself

“Just a few more pounds and life will be better”. I tell you I love you, you can’t love what I see. The mirror tells lies, reflects to you what must be. It makes you distrust me, you can’t trust even you. Your doubt won’t believe, so it kills what is true.

33

1620 KCAL

Men and woman suffering Bulimia are usually aware they have an eating disorder. Fascinated by food they sometimes buy magazines and cookbooks to read recipes, they enjoy discussing dieting issues and checking always the amount of calories followed by counting them daily.

32

1620 KCAL 31

Cup 5 of 5

There are different methods of “purging” following a binge. The person suffering with Bulimia will eat an unusually large quantity of food in a short period of time and follow it with purging; In addition to using laxatives or including vomiting, purging can also be compulsive exercise or complete fasting for a day or maybe even for a month.

27

This tea helps slimming or weight control as

part of a controlled diet.

One small cup every day.Drink slowly

26

Tomorrow,is a nice word

24

1:40 AM

Bulimics will often hide or store food for later binges, when they don’t have, they will go out to buy. Sufferers often eat secretly and looking forward for their time being alone.

21

Tomorrow, I will start again

18

I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP

To have an eating disorder is to have a desease of the self-esteem, and to have a broken coping mechanism. Eating disorders are about being addicted to a behaviour that makes it easy to temporarily forget problems and feelings of depression and self hate, stress and anxiety, guilt and pressure. It is about attempting to control your life and emotions through food. Just like alcohol is a symptom of alcoholism, food is a symptom for bulimia. The real issues are hidden away in each sufferers heart and mind.

I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP I CAN’T STOP

15

0 sec

2 sec

4 sec

6 sec

8 sec

10 sec

14

0 sec

2 sec

4 sec

6 sec

8 sec

10 sec

13

Try them all

They personalize actions around them and only pick the negative to focus on. They think that everything someone says or does in some way is a reflection of them. “Everyone hates me, or only hangs around because they feel sorry for me, or just being polite”. Food is their only friend, it will comfort them.

12

Try them all 11

Tomorrow,I will start

Bulimics can have large fluctuations in their weight. When they finally decide to start a diet, they are loosing much weight in a short period, what ends up in weight gain again when falling back in the old behaviour.

08

‘This person’ can be anyone from someone with bulimia. It can be your husband or wife, your sister or brother, your son our daughter, your lover or friend, a parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, a niece, a nephew, a cousin. They might be male or female, any age and come from any religious background. It is me, it is you or it is someone you love or know.

04

This book ‘I am’ is actually a reflection of myself. For at least one year I have been suffering from the eating disorder Bulimia Nervosa. But the obsession with food was always in me. I admitted that I had an illness and I really want to fight against it. During my recovery the last months I felt much stronger and I decided to make this book for my final project of my Graphic design course. We are problem solvers, so why don’t take this challenge to solve my problem? A book with thoughts I want to be out of my head, a book for my friends and family to make it easier to understand me. But last but not least, a book for al the other sufferers, friends and family of other sufferers of a eating disorder, because I’m sure...I am not the only one

The designer of this book

02

Foreword 01

Willy Lamers 2005

I amI amI am I am

Ever

ythi

ng w

ill b

e fin

e in

the

end.

If it

is n

ot fi

ne, i

t is

not t

he e

nd.Everything w

ill be fine in the end. If it is not fine, it is not the end.

I am

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