Human Relations and Interpersonal Communication

8/13/2019 Human Relations and Interpersonal Communication

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Part Three: Communication 73

TI J ' " O H A A I W IN D O W (Joseph L u f t & H a r r y I n gh am )

T Y re. B (,M Area isolLrb h Y dspot ~heYe.-we.are-una~ o f-ceri-alVi aspedr3 of-l>Lt~lves(;r t> -t o#te~' P,erc~oV\Sof us. We-m~ hurroH1ers

__ ~l~.U!.~~0a ~' _ The U ..,kV 'lO W V l Ar ea '1 5 - f L . 1 e .seat ofall ow - r~rU6edmew )Orie.~ ,feel I' i 1gs , des('("d;needs Iw~id1mafj e~~$/

H te W t5e! ve g , I~ uV\COtlscilx.ls; une l f>eded

be - l r l a v l ou r .

I~bw ldohf-K nowO pB J B L l t -J D

Y w K no w 'l1 > u kntJ tv

. l kw J w I d b n ' f - l . c r I l l N

HIDDal U~~'rO O tb T tb 1 o w Yot (~btcw

II

I

F o r - sound 'V t-k v p tt'S C tla f re to .t t tm 5 J1 - e a W l W 't1< a V Id CD~afton, we.need to\~+ t 1 e .scie-o f the . - -O p .V \ Ared, ~rftcu/tlY{y by ,(a) 'R eduC iVl-9 +he . -H-i~ Area. -H- t ro~ ~pprcpnaf~s eJ f '- d lSC tC8- tf e : ~~(t,) ReduCl~+he - B(I~ Areo . -IturoU8~ 1 e - e dba c l c -ProWl otVtu&, IY\VthVl~--H1~

+ 0 ~oV1eS-f{~SWe-+he I r - perup-f-toVlS about us.

T h e . Ope -n Area 15-H1e-ComW1Orl drena w here . .

w e . shar -e . cert l~"u,aspectq,ot bW'Sdves wtH1 of-hers.This deve lops frust.

1he . . Ht~ A~ i$ w h e r.. e ..-w e . cooce a l ~ ofou r s e l ve s w h 1 C l 1 wedon't-V\tlrrtoftte-rs 1 0 J


2/17

74 Human Relations & Interpersonal Communication

T~E JO"'A~'W IN D O W (1'( T h e O p etl Are~ )

(1 J < n o w ) / 'B o s - - - , (Y o u K n o w )I 5,~ou known ow < m: I feel aboutnot g e tH Y J B : _

;...' the promotion.) 1 . .Q

-----------------/ ---7 ~.

,------------------- / :.. .:;../. ' f

; )'ts_, andI'm sorry. /

: Y o u fedd isappointed 1/

: because y o u feel ~ou 1/Ishould have got+he /1I at' /Iprom Ion . /\ I

, - - - - - - - - - - -

Snaring oUr"+rue~hb a tJd f ee r l t 1gs /o ../evellin g wH h oH 1e"S" la~s + h e -

fo un dat io n feY' a healthy re lat ionshipbased 01 1 mutual trust.

I,

l"

i

i

I


3/17

P art Three: Communi cati on 75

, . .----- -----'"

I' -------- --,

:1'mcon-hderrt ""

~ and seff-assured. . ..)

,----- -------7

( Ijus+ l o v e + 0 / /I h /: e lp p e o p le //

~ t o improve . / ,------ -_/

,

(o th e r s K n o w )

~

,,---------,

- / / Y o u 'r e c un lg an t \

~. /",_ ~~d ~~~:e~~~~}' l o . .'1:,"'y----- ---....,

: IOlire C l r e a l "I

lb. L.-' If usyooa~, I

: m i nd Ing o I+ te r :IReoples }

U:bus iness . . .. .. /, -"'"

~

\ W e m0l,j no/-be aware of our own m ul is\\ and weaknesses or ofhers' true fhoughts

o n d feeliYl9s alnrf- us . Feedho.ek -fromo f t t e . t . s he l p s T O reduce C > r ' remove - these\ 'b l ,"nd spo fs . , -H1ereby im pro vin.g COV rH l lun icat ion.

T H E 3 0 H A R t W 'N O O W ' Z ,( T h e B t i n d A t ' e a )


4/17


T H J O f - l A R I W IN D O W

(6'(T h e H r d d e n A r e a )

( I K n o w ) (Y o u 1 A > n TK n o w ),----------,

/ I 'l l do A N Y T H IN G ~f toruou'l).-"5' I ,,------ _

~ - :J I L.JVV. I", -rI_ ./

" .,--------- --'/ In anks ,Ah Kow . / 'f I knowI ca n 1/~al~~5 -trustHDU

i/

'----------

8 I - i ,din9ourtruethoughts orfeelings Iwe keep o t n e rs - b l(rid 1 '-1 0ourrea l siiuahoo. This lnfuma f fec ls + l1 ei r- b eh a vi o u r -IoN ards u s.

a s #1e !: j car l respor0 oYl/!:j +0w hn - - I - h e y cat ') 'see ~'W e vreed + 0" l eve l I,wi fh oU1ers -ItrtOtlghappropriate self- d isclo 5 : . tre.


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r U E J 'O J . 4 A R f W IN D O W (4'(T~e U } ' ] k . . , o w n A re a )

/ . .------ -.,.-~," Itsjustnotme! \

" I e fonl know wha t ~ /---;- --- - - - - --" m ade m e shout :" 1 - 1 - s s - fm V 1ge" atfhe cusfomer. / , ' a l l .. .,ghtJI v e- , .

, / k I,--- -- -- -- In ev er h ow n uo u I

I .1. "Q I

\10lese. ~eurcoot . }-------- --'"

S~!iln9ord o iY 1 {J +hings wl1ie n catch us andoitiers by surprise ISusua"!jdue+O

unconscious needs Or motives #tat-I

ieburiedI n -the L{t1conscicus l ev el o f c ur t'Y liV ld butwhichM9-4surface In une)(pecied ~Bs. CanftvnhVlgdl'Rreuft or unp l ea san t Sit lAafr0fl5 "n'if~r-aH1er+ han 5up~ssln.91i1em reduces - I 1 1 e - I,ikelihaxlof unconscIous repression and + Y 1 e . l r -ne8atlve- effect-5.



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78 Human Relations & Interpersonal Communication .

T ~ ET ~ R E EF A C E 5 O F

C O M M U N I C A T I O NI I

N O N .A S iE ~ 'V S IA S S E r r t V i A G w R E & S t V 5

r'M N O T O .K .

Y O U ' R E O . K .

I L OS E

YOU WIN

l 'M O .K . I 'M O .K .

Y O U 'R E O .K . . Y O U 'R E N O T O .K .

1 WIN IW IN

Y O U WIN yOU L O S E

6 U S M t S S l O N O O O P E R A T IO N D O M IN A T IO N


7/17

( V e r b a l )


' ., . . ._------------------ . . . . . .: I'm ol1l~~ woman. So 1 m afvaid ~~J d o n L /- h a ve - much -to contribute. ",----- -------------_/

-" ./'--------------" -~( ~hatever. ~ say,Bos5, 'I

" /5 o.k. WIth me. / ~ ----------------1' .

\ So~ about-H1e mess, dear.",\ \ I'll clean itup h9ht away" f

" O h , 1'm dead tired ~ I\ ./----------- -----

Th e purpose of nDYI-assertive com municat ion is to W~r1approvalorac~eptance, o r to aVoid +rouble J b0 puf+ing on~seJfdo wn, .submrf-h~9-tooth~roJ surrendering our le9"rf imate rlSJhts, accephnga lose-win situatIOn. SU01 behaviour encourages oJfjerpeopletot a k e - ad va ntag e a F us.

N O N - A S S E R T IV E C O M M U N I C A T I O N(Non-Verba l )

oDown cast C!JeS

o Slumped p o st u reo Helpless gestweso Clasps C lnd unclasps

hands re p e a fe d /!: jo stM1ds a disfrmce

a W C l!j fr o m -+ h es p e a k e r

of - i e s " 1 f a . . r r sp ee d J


8/17

A G G R E S S IV E C O M M U N IC A T IO N


(N o n -V er b a l )

o ~aVlds on hips

o G lar in9 look

o Shakes fist

o Points - f ' i

ng ero Bangs desk, door

o TU'01S face away

o Closes e!je5

o Shouts

oBoycotts

o

Ridicules others

(V e r b a l)

The purpose o f C lgq res51ve commuVlicahon "IS + 0

int , :midate ~+ 0 assert D ne:S su~riorifl1and "Importancewhile putf-wg others d OVVVl ; to ~eel sel-f- (nterest~ +he.expense of ofl.1ers Icrea+lng a wIn-loS-srfuahon I resulti~ (1 1 hurt feelit19s .


9/17

1


------ ------ ----~-,/ \

,I I understand "Y ou .~ aV\9Y~ beca~ I

/ ~ou -H 1ivtk!: l0 u . / re

not-~ e + f 1 n 9 .+ h e /

I llUQlit~ of servIce ~ourefX1~'ng ;'I for. ,

~- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~1\1'.... ,

\ I admIt my mIstake Ib ut Iteel reall~ I\ {hat you should not- have c~.I+iGised me :

\ In fr-oYit of all+he guests. )\'- ...:...._-------------------

o Erect posture

o Firm gestu.res

oDI"reet e~econl-aci

o ~ands in6pen pes ition

A S6E ~fV C O M M U N IC A T IO N

(Non-VerbaJ ) 1~ (Verbal)

The purpose of assertt"ve .commuVlication is to .seekcooperation DVI Q.0051.5 D( eq,u.ali t.0 ; + 0 s~ek mutualberaefit and a Wln- win 5 ifuafloYl Irespechng eachofhers le g 'r + ir n a + e r i .9his.


10/17


,-------------------,

r Yesterda~was our b t iSfes t pe ri


11/17


E F F E C T IV E F E E D B A C K , ~ )D o n r F o c u s o n t h e P e r s o n

-------------------~~ "

: Y ou must be cra~. No p e r .so n .I in h is rl9Yrtm ',nd would h a v e , ,'" ] do V lesu ch a stupid #1 /"n9 . , ," : ' ' ' ;

-------- ------- - - , I, I

.----------------- -' I

f H ow h e a r t i e s . ? c an yaIge l -? ", Y ou ' r e a s d e v o id of feelings ", J.J.' I

I as, fieImpersonal compuier ~'I '\ lJouw o r k on ! ' .

\ ~ . . ------------ . , . , .

F o c u s onthe B e h a v io u r. . . ----------- --------,,.... \

~ .... C o nfn m tin g your boss w hen ,\ h e . W as Qlreaa~ in 5 u c h a bad :

'\ .m ood certain Iy wasn't a w is e :

"" thing t o do. ./ \' -------------------\ '. .---------- --- - - ---- --," Ithurts mew heV i ! dD U dDn't ' r

" ~t15Uttm e on a n im p ov ff lv rt :\ 15 . s ue.such a s +his. I'------------------- -'" '

I f w e need + D cvrficiseSOW1 e Of 1 . , w e shoo I dfocus

on H te5 ~c;f,c b e hav i o u r w e fInd offensive.

We should not "atta ck/'t 1 1 e -p e r son b0 r e sorr ing + 0 Ylam e-ca / l{Y lg or charade,,-assassinat ion.


12/17


E F F E C T IV E F E E D B A C K " ,D o n 't b e D e s t r u c t i v e

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 7~V ": ,o u 'r e really u se l e 5 s . E v en ,-

r m~ six-yea~o ld k id can /"I do a b eH e r Job ffla V ltn is l " /1\ ,. "1

,------------ ----""" I, / r

,/ J,. ---------------- ,

D o n 4 - - t e l l m e you're no t rcoming home ag a iV l for :d,nner..You 'r e spend "V 19 50 :much t1m e aftfte office ,

you m (g h t a s well just :sra ~ f f ie re ! ,.'

, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _ /

B e C o n s t r u c t i v e

--------------------,, ," The letfer would look moye I

\ profess'lonal'lf it were m o re - :\ ev en /0 spac ed ou t. r

\_--------- ------- --', .\\, ' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,: T 0 e c h i1 d y e J 1 a V ld 1r e a IItj ", m Iss !j0u. W e haven't had I: d i ."ne . . .a t n o m e + o g e + Y te v -- H 1 is :I enfrr e -week . C a n lpA d o :t 5O m e- th in g abeutThis? ,\ ",---------- --------

Positive, con.strucftve commeVltsor sugge5+i~nsdo more to I. mp ro ve Q V 1undesirable sl+uation.tnQVI n e.q a f- ive I destrucfive remarks O~cl"'i+ic;sm~.


13/17


E F F E C T IV E F f O S A C ~

(4'

D o n 't I n f e r M o t iv e s

,------------- ---"I M \I i85_ has been extra I: Y 1 ic e + 0+ h e 005S o f late. IIIsuspect she's w or king :: for a prom otion. ,I /

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

----------------,

I . I

I Y ou w tn tl- e d + 0 ge t me I: in to t rouble . 111at5 w hy :: .Y o u s aid a ll + nose-th ings:

, ab out me I V I front o f trlCJ I, . ' . /\ WITe. ,

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

F o c u s o n O b s e r v a t i o n s--------- ---- -----

I ,

I I~ofjce Miss _ has been ~1 .9 t aHi V 19 back late + 0 he l F . ' / I~ + J 1 e b05Sf i n i sh H tis ruSh II Job. ,,--\ ",--------_/

,..------------ -',/ ,"Iwas suypr'lsed an d h u v t '" " ,: w~ eVl ~ ou me n+;pV l~ aI I th~ \I ft l l V lg s r n Y Y 1 S Jwlfe5 presence. I: T hey were meant fa be II confidential. ,\ I~---------- ---------

I t l f e r r " /V 1 9. O yascribi~g ~in;sfer .c > v ulterior motIves,behind o + n e r . s ' b e h a V I O u r ISu nfa ir a nd unconstruchv8.Give others +he, benefit of+he doubt.


14/17


E F F E C T IV E F E E D B A C K (4)

Don ' t b e J u d 9 em en llJ 1~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -I I

I You're lousy! Catl't ~ou e ver "

: qet i tr i ,g J1 f ? A V l d ~alre "

I ~~FJO.'e.a+ 0 be a q ,ua l if ied /I etf9lt1eer! ../' . ._------- ------ -~. .

~ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,( W h at kin d o f dad a re tJOU~'1I N o wonder kids n ow a a a! ls :l 9n :M1 up wild. A r e . ~DU 50 :I weak uoudare nof. I

\ d is c "p /t ne your own chlld?.J, . . . .----

--------- . . .~ _ . .

BeDescriptive~ -------------------"

'\ You r n eg li ge nc e ha s ca u se d :

\ -H 1ernacl1i118 - 1 0 break

d D w n . I

" T" ';5 i- ? goina-to set us :\ bac k by at le asta week. I\ /,----------- ----

,------------------ . . . ," W hen JDhn deliberately -#ttew I\ h;~sat1d\:Vlcn o .-,- th e .fJ o o y, ~ I\ (;uue.tI~pl,* ed ,ttuR rnsfeaa o r :\ ~pYlwranctlng Y I1 m and. I

\ ;nsisli~hep i c ked it u p h ,m s e .r . I\---------------- -_/

W h e n comment ing on of -~Y5 ' be ha vlw t : it is mD r e1ik e ly to be accepfed ifw e desci,be r o w we see-H1ebe~avlbur ra fher+han e v a lua t t n9 o r p a s s i n 9 judgem err t OYllt.


15/17


E F F E C T IV E F E f D B A C " ( 6 )

Itt dec is jon~m aki t1g and problem-solv ing, ithelps + 0 sharev ie w s aV 1d consider var iou5 options {Ylstead ofjumpU 19at+l1efirsta H m cfrve so lut ion o r in s is fin g o n OUY way.

D o n .t Seek O n e & lu i- io n

/' --------------,I A51 see I t ,-#teres ": onl~ one wa~ + 0 r eso l ve ~: #t;s m atfer. Soleis ,)) ge tOYlw i#r it. ..,,"

L "- ---------, .

", '----------------,: W hy waste, t ime look,~ )~ forO I- h e r solution9 ? I :r b e li e ve we've a fr e a d !:J got r~ a real w inner here. ), ~

. . ._-----..-----------

E x p lo r e A l t e r n a t i ' A 3 s------------------ -"

( Y o u . . id ea r s ce rla in (~ \ '\ .O r t n \: furilJer exporat ion. M ea~ w h ' I~ , (e fS;

, See if weca~comeup w tfh /t o H 1 e r p o s s lo d, t ie . . s . /,________________ I

,' "\ I,I~------------------,

i 1 do have an idea + V ta t W Ii ght " /~ work. However, I(l value II (jour inpA in 111is maHer. :l P e r hap s w e could even co m D w~ :\ our ideas. ./,---------- -----""

" /, IV


16/17


E F F E C T IV E F E E D B A C K '7 '

W~en d;~CU5Sjl1gi ssue s o f a subjective nature, ithe!psto view #t"ngs I V lTerms of shade!!> of9 rey ra#terfttan I Y 1absolute black orwhite. tJot perm 'dfitl9 an~ difter~ncesw ould be C O Yls ide red Qtlimpo sH1Ononolfters b a s i c r! 9ht5.

,\'

\ ' - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~- - - ;\ W e snould m e e t M e rla m s :\ r ellt U es t to r final'lcia I help I\ air + Y te way o r no t offer:

\ an y Qssisfance arall. :~---- J

r - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ,~ Wh"d~ we may hot be in :~tne positIon fo meet her IIreqpesf fulll1, w t1a t ever w e I~ ca n offerwillb e a demoh-lIsfmHon ofo u r sup{X )f't. :1----------- ....

"' /,IY

A l l o w UM o r e o r L e s s )

rO t-c~r;;l'~b e h i n d ~ ~ :Ibut- tha l -doesnt mean I :~mustagree with every lI+ h iV lg HOU say ordo. :I I--------------- " I

"' 'I

A v o i d ( t A l i o rN o n e "


17/17


E F F E C T ' V F E E D B A C K (S'

Share Ideas

/N~~C d D U ju ~ tl i~ -- 'l (One,-~mP'J~~h~b ~~-~~~i~-:" to me. You ' ve got-tote I : a vety succeSsful motivation :\ to u.< lh wjH1 ~ourworkeV5,! : prog ra~vne - tOY H s staff. W o ul d :\ o rf fJ e ;y '1 1 cllYnb a ll o\r I Iyou be InfereBtedto ffnd out I

~ \ ~ou . ) t What#1e~ are doing ? :

1\ , - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - " " - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I

----J

: ' r -~tro~9Iyt1d;'~~~--ID-- -'i (M y-e~;e~ie;~ ~t h~ -; u ~ ~ h ; - n g- ' :I d ISC ip l i ne .your d1Jld~.ftom: Im ay stop a chHdf rom dOing I~ Q Y l ear ly age. I would never I I somethmg wronq. H ow ev er : to ~I allow m~ c h i l d r e v r .fo tnlk : : get the.c l: tifd + 0 a o s om e # 11 V l, g (lback-fo me#te way you do, / \ well, fralse'ls lT10reef fech"e. ~I

s : a ~ i n :~ ~ ~:~ r i:~ : 9 g e ~ o =~r- - -

- ' \ i 1 j - - 'considemnon is usuat(!1 betfer re c e iv e d .fhan "'"'advisiYlg or telling othets WHat- is v-i~htorgoodfor them.

Human Relations and Interpersonal Communication

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