How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A...

How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W.

(Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A

Framework for Personal and Professional Growth©

Ray Samuels

Keynote Speaker, Motivational Speaker & Coach

| 2 P a g e

How to GROW in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and Professional Growth©. Ray Samuels (2015)

Foreward

Grace. Generosity. Gratitude. These are words that describe my friend, Ray

Samuels. I believe it is rare to meet a person during our lifetime that has a significant

and lasting impact, and makes us want to be better people. I can say that Ray has been

this person for me. Most people will encounter at least one challenging life event

however there are others, like Ray who unfortunately have had to handle a multiple of

ongoing challenges. Despite adversity, Ray persevered even in the darkest of times. He

did not show anger or complain but demonstrated optimism and resilience. He reached

out to others unselfishly. He was able to see the positive aspects of his life and express

his gratitude.

When my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, I realized that I needed to find

a way out of that darkness. I knew that I had persevered during other difficulties, and

the knowledge that I had strengths such as resilience and optimism, and could develop

them further, was the key to helping me turn my own darkness into light. Ray’s

message is that there can be growth after adversity. I do believe this to be true.

Ray is a remarkable person. I hope you will be inspired by Ray’s story of

adversity and personal growth. I also hope that Ray’s message can impact your life in a

positive way, and you can do the same for someone else in need.

With the deepest love and respect. Patrice Palmer

| 3 P a g e


Introduction

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes

life meaningful.” Joshua J. Marine

I would like to invite you to read my story of personal tragedy and growth

through adversity. My purpose is to share my journey and inspire you should you or

someone you know who may be experiencing challenges. The G.R.O.W. Framework was

developed in response to a devastating loss that I experienced. G.R.O.W. - Gratitude,

Resilience, Optimism and Willpower are traits that can be learned and developed. I

believe that by applying the G.R.O.W. Framework to all aspects of our lives, we can

become more self-aware, resilient and optimistic, and cultivate what is best in us and

others.

The G.R.O.W. Framework is based on research in the areas of positive

psychology, neuroscience and education as well as my own lived experiences and

discussions with people who have experienced their own challenging life events.

Positive psychology is the scientific study of human flourishing and is not part of the

self-help movement. It does not look at what is wrong with people, but what is right

with us. It also does not focus solely on happiness and positivity as all emotions help

people to reach their full potential. The latest research in positive psychology suggests

that there can be personal growth after adversity or seeing “doors opening”. Positive life

change is possible, and through the G.R.O.W. Framework, I have realized my strengths

during times of adversity.

| 4 P a g e


As a result of developing and applying the G.R.O.W. Framework, I believe that

you will become more confident in your abilities to accept that you can grow through

your own challenges, whether they are personal or professional, as a parent, teacher,

coach, student, business owner or simply as a person who is struggling, and wants to

live fully and positively affect those around us. I want to show you how to grow

through life. I encourage you to keep reading.

Ray Samuels

Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.

| 5 P a g e


Life’s Challenges

Aspirations, achievements and accomplishments provide us with a sense of

satisfaction, fulfillment and well-being. However life is filled with challenges, obstacles,

stress and adversity that may prevent or delay us from living the life we want to be

living. Have you ever struggled through a challenging life event? Have you ever

wondered why some people suffer hardships and do not falter? Why do some people

buckle under pressure? And what makes others bend and ultimately bounce back? Do

you feel confident that you could persevere in the face of a personal or professional

setback? Do you know how can we cultivate what is best in ourselves and in others, and

experience personal growth in spite of adversity? I would like to introduce you to my

story of both loss and growth.

My Life Challenges

I have been a successful entrepreneur since I was a teenager. I have been blessed

with abundant financial success however this has not made me immune to experiencing

difficult and challenging life events. People might assume that having great personal

wealth would guarantee happiness, and solve all of life’s problems. It is true that I was

able to enjoy many things because of hard work which lead to my financial success but

business disputes and costly lawsuits, personal health issues and tragedy that struck my

family made me realize that money could never buy what I needed to help me through

these difficult periods in my life.

I would like to share with you my personal story of a devastating loss. I am one of

five children – four brothers and one sister. This story is about my eldest brother,

Michael with whom I had a close relationship. When we got together, our conversations

| 6 P a g e


ranged from family, politics, sports, business and his favourite subject - music. Michael

was always in good spirits when he was surrounded by music. His love and passion for

music afforded him the opportunity to meet some terrific people in his life. As a DJ and

sound man, Michael supplemented his income by pursuing his passion.

In 2007, Michael was diagnosed with colon cancer. He yearned to be surrounded

by his children and grandchildren. He was blessed to survive his first bout of cancer

however I noticed a difference in him. I decided to make it a priority to spend quality

time with him. Michael became very reflective about his life and he would often share

his thoughts. I encouraged him to search for deeper understanding and come to terms

with the fact that we all experience times in our lives where if given a second chance, we

would act and behave differently. I remember sharing with him that every day is a new

day to make a difference in our own lives and the lives of others. It's a choice whether or

not we decide to make that difference. I shared some of my own challenges and how that

with my positive outlook, I was confident that everything would work out. I was resilient

and optimistic about the future. Michael felt encouraged so I thought that everything

was good however this was not the case.

It was a sunny brisk morning in October 2008 when I received a call from

Michael. He said that he felt it was best if he killed himself. He said that he loved me

and he appreciated all that I was doing for him. Michael told me that his colon cancer

had reappeared. He felt defeated, and believed that he was unable to bounce back again.

I reminded him that he was loved by many and tried to encourage him to see that it was

possible to get through this. He was only 47 years old and had a whole life ahead of him.

I spoke love into his heart and I committed to support him in any way. We had a

| 7 P a g e


breakthrough; he had a change of heart. He made me promise that I would not speak of

this with our mother or anyone for that matter. I kept my promise.

During the next few months, I spent a considerable amount of time with Michael.

We engaged in very long conversations. I shared openly my own challenges and how I

believed that with the power of a growth mindset, resilience and optimism, I could

overcome any difficulties. Michael sought counselling and was also under the care of

his family physician. Slowly, Michael showed resilience by bouncing back and engaging

in activities that he loved such as music. Michael was very meticulous in preparation of

such events and there was a glow every time he was asked to play at a party or event. He

visited the gym in order to keep himself in shape and clear his mind. He believed in the

adage - healthy body, healthy mind - however he was masking his true feelings from

others.

December 8, 2008, is a day that I will never forget. The phone rang at 6:55 p.m.

My brother was on the other end telling me that he loved me. He said “I’m not in a good

place right now but I really appreciate everything that you’ve done for me”. My heart

started to race as I immediately knew that something was wrong. I tried to remain calm

and asked Michael where he was. He said that it wasn’t important but that he was close

by. He told me not to find him because it would be too late. I asked him if something

had happened. There was silence on the other end and I realized that we had been

disconnected.

My first call was to 911. I told the operator that I just received a call from my

brother and believed that he was suicidal. I asked the operator if it was possible to

triangulate his cell phone and send the police over to his location. The operator told me

that someone had just called in with a similar description. I was familiar with the

| 8 P a g e


location the operator mentioned, and as I was preparing to leave home, Michael called

me again. He asked me to tell my mother, my siblings and his children that he loved

them all. He said he was going away forever and that this was for the best. I did not

know that Michael was in a parking lot just eight minutes down the road. While he was

talking to me on the phone, I heard a person saying “don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it!”

I found out later what that statement meant. Then Michael poured gasoline on himself

and set himself on fire. The coroner said he had the phone attached to his ear while he

was on fire. His last words on the phone were “I love you Raymond”. Then there was

silence.

Sadly, Michael believed that taking his life would ease his pain. I have learned

that without much thought we often take for granted some of life's basic tasks. Take for

example lifting a teacup that we do so effortlessly. However, for someone who is

suffering from mental illness, a simple task such as lifting a teacup becomes unbearable

or in some cases impossible. This tragic event has had a significant impact on my family

and me. Healing has taken a long time but I have never really gotten over my brother’s

death. I have learned that it is important to move forward even through such pain and

loss. I have also come to understand mental illness and have developed more

compassion and less judgement regarding this common illness in our society. If you or

a family member is suffering from mental illness, please seek immediate help. I urge

you to do this.

The ability to overcome personal and professional challenges, and prepare myself

for future challenges, has required work and reflection. I know and believe in my

abilities to meet challenges head on. It hasn’t always been easy but I believe in my

| 9 P a g e


ability to bounce back. I also believe that we can be strong even in the face of

challenges and setbacks, and this is the message that I want to share. However for those

suffering from mental illness, difficulties can be overwhelming, and again I ask you to

seek immediate help from mental health professionals.

Although I have experienced significant success in my professional life, I have felt

a deep longing to live my true passion, and bring more meaning to my life, and the lives

of others. I believe that this is my purpose. I want to inspire you to persevere through

challenging times. I have personally been able to grown through several difficult life

events and I want to share my message with you. I have discovered that having a

Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism and Willpower has enabled me to move through

challenging times and prepare myself for any unseen future obstacles. I would like to

share the G.R.O.W. Framework with you because I believe that it can help you in your

current challenges and learn to apply this framework in future for yourself or for others.

The G.R.O.W. Framework

The G.R.O.W. Framework is a powerful, but simple tool that can be learned and

applied to our own situations. Once we have mastered our understanding that we can

develop and apply this framework, we have confidence in these traits to bounce back

and persevere with optimism. The G.R.O.W. Framework is based on research in the

areas of positive psychology, neuroscience and education. Gratitude, Resilience,

Optimism and Willpower are traits that can be assessed, learned, developed and applied

to all aspects of our lives. How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude,

Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and Professional

| 10 P a g e


Growth© Online Course contains six modules. Each module (Module One: Mindsets

Matter, Module Two: Gratitude, Module Three: Resilience, Module Four: Optimism,

Module Five: Willpower, Module Six: Growing Forward) has been organized by

describing the trait, outlining why the trait is important and research-based tips on how

you can develop the trait. There are also self-assessment tools, videos from experts in

the field, reflection activities and a doable action at the end of each module. There is

also an Introduction to the course, and a G.R.O.W. Journal for reflection and writing

which includes positive quotes. The course ends will a culminating task and reflection.

G.R.O.W. Online Course Outline

Here is a brief outline the online course - How to Win in Challenging Times with

G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and

Professional Growth©:

Module One: Mindsets Matter

Mindsets are beliefs about yourself and your most basic qualities. You may

believe that these qualities are fixed traits (fixed mindset) or you may think that these

qualities can be developed (growth mindset). It is important to have the right mindset

before embarking on personal or professional growth.

What is a Growth Mindset? People with a growth mindset believe that:

their qualities, skills and talents can be developed through dedication, hard work

and effort.

| 11 P a g e


their potential is unknown and they are motivated by hard work

effort is not be avoided but is viewed as necessary to grow

challenges and obstacles are not failures but opportunities to learn negative

feedback is not perceived as being directly about them but rather about their

current abilities, and is viewed as an opportunity to improve

Why is a Growth Mindset important?

A growth mindset will help us get through challenges, obstacles and persevere.

Can you develop a Growth Mindset?

Absolutely! This module will assess your current mindset and provide tips to develop

it.

Module Two: Gratitude

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world”. John Milton

What is Gratitude?

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace,

graciousness, or gratefulness.

Gratitude is:

a thankful appreciation for what we have received. When we express our

gratitude, we acknowledge the goodness in our lives.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johnmilton400414.html?src=t_gratitude



http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_milton.html

| 12 P a g e


Usually we recognize that the source of our goodness lies partially outside

ourselves.

Gratitude helps us connect to something larger than ourselves such as other

people, nature, or a higher power.

Why is Gratitude important?

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated

with greater happiness.

It helps us feel more positive emotions, appreciate good experiences, improve our

health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

Can we Cultivate Gratitude?

Absolutely! Most of the studies published on this topic support an association

between gratitude and an individual’s well-being. Regardless of the inherent or current

level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that individuals can successfully

cultivate further. Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what we have instead of

always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make us happier. Gratitude helps

us refocus on what we have instead of what we lack. This mental state grows stronger

with use and practice.

Module Three: Resilience

“Resilience is not about being untouched by adversity, but to play an active role in how it transforms you.” Kelly McGonigal

| 13 P a g e


What is Resilience?

Resilience is the capacity of a person to maintain integrity in the face of dramatically

changed circumstances. It is functioning with a sense of purpose, meaning and forward

momentum in the face of trauma.

Resilience is:

It is the recovery from setbacks in life, and your quality of bouncing back

It is the ability to cope with ongoing change

Optimism also helps. Resilient people EXPECT to bounce back, and often

stronger than before. They know that the situation is not permanent. They feel

confident that they can overcome the challenge or obstacle. They believe that the

struggle to overcome adversity helps them to develop new strengths

Why is Resilience important?

Few people will go through an entire lifetime without their resilience being

challenged. Resilience helps us to respond and adapt effectively to stress and

unforeseen pressures.

We will be better able to view setbacks and challenges as manageable and have a

greater ability to cope with the daily stresses in life.

Being resilient in one aspect of our life (relationships) can help us in other areas

(work).

It helps us to transform hardships into challenges, failure into success and

helplessness into power. Without resilience, we may think inaccurately about the

obstacles and use problem-solving approaches that are not effective

| 14 P a g e


Resilience helps us to derive meaning from failure. We can use the knowledge from

our experiences to climb higher and achieve more.

Resilient people have greater zest and energy for life, and are curious and more

open to new experiences

Can you develop Resilience?

Absolutely! New scientific research suggests that personal resiliency is more

widespread, improvable and teachable than previously thought.

Resilience is rooted in beliefs, values, character, experiences, genes and habits of

the mind – habits we can change. This module provides tools to develop your level of

resilience.

Module Four: Optimism

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” Dalai Lama XIV

What is Optimism?

Optimism is a habit or style of looking at challenges, failure and setback in ways

that increase one’s own hope and persistence. Being optimistic enables us to live with

happiness and fulfilment in the face of life’s challenges. Optimism is more than seeing

the glass half full or half empty or always seeing the silver lining. It is also more than

just positive thinking, giving ourselves daily pep talks and repeating positive phrases

and visualizing what we want to see happen in our lives.

http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/570218.Dalai_Lama_XIV

| 15 P a g e


Why is Optimism important?

People who have a sense of optimism tend to see things in a positive light, and

learn from negative situations (growth mindset)

Optimistic people persist and their struggle brings deep satisfaction

Optimism is linked to effective coping skills. Optimists deal more effectively with

their problems rather than avoid them. Optimists are more action-oriented.

Optimists believe that a good outcome will eventually result from their efforts

Can you develop Optimism?

Absolutely! The best approach to becoming more optimistic is to recognize and

dispute pessimistic thoughts. This module will provide concrete ways for you to develop

optimistic thinking.

Module Five: Willpower

“Improving willpower is the surest way to a better life”. Roy Baumeister

What is Willpower?

Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations to attain long-term goals. It

is the capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or impulse. Did you know that

people regularly cite lack of willpower as the number one reason for not following

through?

| 16 P a g e


Making decisions seems to deplete our willpower. The same energy that is used

for self-control is also used for making decisions. If it is depleted, it may be the

cause why we lose self-control.

To have more self-control, it is important to develop more self-awareness (the

ability to understand what we are doing and why we are doing it)

Why is Willpower important?

People regularly cite lack of willpower as the number one reason for not following

through on changes or goals

People who have greater self-control are those who have greater success in life

Can you develop Willpower?

Absolutely! Willpower is like a muscle which can get stronger the more you use

it. People give up not because they lack willpower, but because they feel overwhelmed by

the enormity of their goals. This module provides ways to develop your willpower.

Module Six: Growing Forward

In this module, the final activity connects the doable actions that you have

identified in each of the modules. There is a chance to reflect on the traits that you have

assessed, learned and developed, and ask yourself how you might help others when you

are able to.

| 17 P a g e


Conclusion

Growing through Life’s Challenges

The ability to persevere during challenges times and then come out stronger on

the other side is possible. It might be hard to imagine that we can actually grow because

of or despite challenging life events. Despite my personal and professional challenges, I

have chosen to find ways to positively impact the lives of others. Speaking to groups,

and connecting to others has brought me such great joy. This is an example of “doors

opening” – the belief that people can grow despite adversity.

I have used the G.R.O.W. Framework to help me “win” during my challenging

times. I invite you to learn how to develop and apply the G.R.O.W. Framework to all

aspects of your life and to help others.

Let us take this journey together so that we can grow through and because of life’s

challenging times. Please reach out to me at [email protected]

Ray Samuels

| 18 P a g e


Testimonials

Please read what people have said about How to Win in Challenging Times with

G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A Framework for Personal and

Professional Growth©.

“You are doing amazing work. It is dynamic. You are very talented in so many ways, free up and share with the world how one person can break the barriers and find that amazing power within that can set you free to be anything you want to be”. B. K. “It was inspirational and although there is a lot of information, it is presented in an accessible way and is not overwhelming. I liked the fact that there is an interesting mix of sources from TED talks to quizzes. The module I learned the most from was the one on resilience. The list of questions about resilience was thought-provoking and I wasn't sure what the answers would be so it made me think about resilience in a slightly different way”. Janet Machio

“I really enjoyed G.R.O.W. and I can say with a 100% assurance that it was very powerful in helping me to turn my view of my particular situation from a “misfortune” or a “difficulty” which I have no control over, to an “opportunity” to a be a better ME and to create a better life for myself and my family”. “Although I am an optimistic person by nature, a series of ongoing struggles can bring me to a state where I start blaming the outside world for my misfortunes. The “Optimism” definitely helped me to put my situation in perspective and to pull all MY resources, my will, my mindset, my knowledge and experience to make this difficulty work to my advantage. It reminded me that positive thinking, growth mindset and the optimism will give me strength to be persistent, to stay in charge of my situation and to become more resilient as a result”. “It is written in a way that it is very easy to read, to follow, to relate and to apply to a specific situation. I liked the references to Martin Seligman’s Explanatory Style and the ABCDE Model and the idea that we can actually develop optimism by changing the way we think and act as a result. “Open to Optimism,” is very valuable part of the subject as it helps to analyze and reach even deeper insight to one’s feelings at a difficult time. It also describes how to change the way you think and how to create your own action plan having positive and optimistic thoughts. Realistic Optimism is a great reminder to stay in touch with reality and to be prepared for the worst. I do believe it will have a huge impact on millions of people”. Winnie

| 19 P a g e


“I love it. Great, positive ideas. I know I talked to our kids about picking yourself up when things don't work out the way you thought they might. I tried to see how my own life fits with the G.R.O.W. Framework and it works well”. Judy Smith

“What I personally experienced is as

1. Easy to read, understand and to follow the instructions 2. Self-assessment questionnaire and GROW Well-Being Journal - are great tools

which could be applied immediately 3. Key points are connected throughout: Positive Psychology combined with hard

work, perseverance, self-motivation, self-discipline can create a chain reaction which will gradually turn your life around.

4. Realizing that it’s the challenges, adversity and tough times that make us more resilient and, again, it all starts from within, it’s the ability to change our thinking, manage our emotions and being optimistic that help us to find and build the personal power”. S.W.

“I thought it conveyed the message clearly and will motivate those who struggle to sit back, think, and then look within if they do have or lack these character traits, muscle or whatever. It will inspire people to learn how to develop these traits. They can be taught. When developing these traits with wisdom, I think people become better people; free of greed, anger, envy and full of loving kindness, generous and compassion. What you are doing is showing, through example, how to assist people to grow”. Kanthi Uyangoda

Disclaimer: This course is not intended as a treatment for serious mental health issues. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, or other mental health issues, I strongly urge you to seek out a mental health professional in your community immediately.

How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A...

Self Improvement

Transcript of How to Win in Challenging Times with G.R.O.W. (Gratitude, Resilience, Optimism, Willpower): A...