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How to use kindness to your

advantage in dealing with

difficult people- Steve Carey, Ed.D., MS., RRT.,

Assistant Professor

3 Objectives:

1. Understand how to use kindness to your advantage.

2. Identify personality types and adapt your approach.

3. Use practical tips in dealing with difficult people

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Scenario How many of us has had to deal with angry person recently?

How did you react? Did the problem get solved?

How we solve our problems with our Staff, Patients, Administrators can have a Bigger Impact on how we feel, our health, and our own happiness than we have ever fully understood.

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Our profession is often faced with a lot of stress

We are surrounded by stressful events, stressed people, coworkers, administrators, Physicians, and others.

This can lead to high blood pressure, job burn out, anxiety/depression, and other stress related disorders.

How to Improve your Personal Sense of Happiness

Our brains are hardwired for pleasure. • Giving (money or assistance) is

a pleasurable act. • We are happier (and others are

happier) when we demonstrate acts of kindness.

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In a large scale study (n=3,000), Dunn et.al, University of British Columbia found,People who use Kindness in the workplace were: 95% feel good when they helped someone. 53% were happier & optimistic hours to days later.

When we help other people, we make ourselves happier.

Kindness is an approach we can use to make our own problems better.

• At the end of our day, if we have spent a portion of our day working to help others, we have created a sense of happiness in ourselves that uplifts us and can shield us from negative behaviors of others.

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Kindness gains a stronger foot hold in our personalities with practice.

Our brains are hardwired for pleasure. Whether we are helping others or giving money for a good cause, we are participating in a pleasurable behavior.

Making it a goal to practice (non-random -“strategic) acts of kindness, creates a habit which is rewarding to our brains and makes it more likely we will repeat this action.

Strategic Kindness Using kindness in situation where someone is challenging you or being disruptive may not be your first reaction. It could be the smartest approach to take in difficult situations.

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What does kindness in the healthcare workplace look like?

1. Smile More2. Hold the door open for

someone3. Encourage others with a

compliment4. Send a thank you card to

someone. 5. Actively listen when others

are talking.

1. Get a blanket from the blanket warmer.

2. Ask if you can get food, drink, or snack for your patients.

3. Give away your hospital’s bears, heart pillows, ect.

4. Walk with visitors to help them find a location in your hospital.

5. What is your favorite act of kindness?

Identify personality

types and adapt your approach.

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Use Different approaches for different people

• Clingers• Controllers• Competitors • Self-Important People• Chronic Complainers• Victims

Resonate Compassion

“Even when faced with a difficult person, compassion allows you to see someone who is suffering and looking for relief.”

(http://www.chopra.com/articles/7-steps-for-dealing-with-difficult-people)

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Clingers What works: - Give them responsibility →

instead of doing what they want, show them how to do it → compliment their work

What doesn’t work: - Avoidance - Cannot use direct rejection

without making an enemy - Polite “no” → they will ignore it.

Controllers

What works: - Act un-intimidated, stand

up for yourself politely

What doesn’t work: - Showing concrete

evidence that you are right

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CompetitorsWhat works: - Let them win - Fact based argument →

competitor will back down without losing

What doesn’t work: - emotional appeals- Standing your ground and

trying to win

Self-Important PeopleWhat works: - Politely ignore → they tend

to forget what they said very quickly

- Sit back, stay calm

What doesn’t work: - Trying to dismiss their

points

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Chronic Complainers What works: - Tolerate when necessary, stay

away if not able to handle without getting upset

What doesn’t work: - Agree with their complaints and

placate them → they do not realize the source of their dissatisfaction is internal

Victims (Acute on Chronic)

What works: - Do not use victimization

as an excuse - Offer realistic, practical

help

What doesn’t work: - Offer sympathy

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Do you identify with any of these characteristics?

Do you know others who do?

Let’s apply these concepts in the healthcare workplace

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When dealing with a frustrated personwho cannot make clear decisions. Would your approach differ– if you knew their circumstances?

What motivates the difficult person?

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Effective Ways to Deal with Angry Patients

(and Families)

7 Steps for Dealing With Difficult People1. Use the S.T.O.P. Model to Avoid

Reactivity2. See Through the Control Drama

the Other Person Is Using3. Don’t Take it Personally4. Practice Defenselessness5. Walk Away if Necessary6. See the Experience as an

Evolutionary Opportunity7. Resonate Compassion

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1. Understand that it’s not easy being a patient. Or a family.

2. Show empathy.

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3. Allow the patient to blow off some steam or ‘calm down’

4. Do not invade the patient ’s personal space.

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5. Do not touch them.

6. Be sensitive.

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7. Be gentle.

8. Do not argue.

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9. Apologize for the inconvenience.

10. Settle the issues immediately.

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11. Keep your promises.

12. Set boundaries.

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13. Communicate.

14. Acknowledge the emotion that the patient is projecting.

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15. Listen… Actively Listen

16. Ask open-ended questions.

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17. Don’t make defensive responses.

18. Make use of appropriate language.

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19. Watch your body language.

20. Shake it off.

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Dealing with difficult people means we have many opportunities to practice kindness day to day, person by person.

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Thank you

Share your experiences with Kindness in the workplace.

Steve Carey, Ed.D., M.S., RRT.Assistant Professor

Contact Information: stevecarey01@gmail.comStcarey@nstate.edu

Referenceshttp://www.chopra.com/articles/7-steps-for-dealing-with-difficult-people

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