BodyLanguage101

DiscoverthePsychologySecretsofHowtoReadandUnderstandNon-VerbalCommunicationand

AlwaysBeOneMoveAhead

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TableofContentsYourFREEBonusBook!Introduction–WhyShouldYouReadThisBook?Chapter1:WhatIsBodyLanguage?WhyisBodyLanguageImportant?ReadingBodyLanguageIsAllInContextPersonalTelltaleBodyLanguageSignalsBaselining:HowDoYouDoIt

CommonIdiomsonBodyLanguageTranslatedLookintomyeyesandsay,“Thisisnottrue”ReadmylipsTalktothehandThesefeetweremeantforwalkingMakeafirstimpression

BodyLanguageMythsYouShouldKnowAboutMyth1:NoEyeContactMeansLyingMyth2:CrossingArmsMeans“NotInterested”Myth3:FidgetyPeopleArePerhapsHidingSomethingMyth4:AnyoneWhoTalksFastIsConningYouMyth 5: A Good Verbal Communication Will Compensate For Inadequate BodyLanguage

Chapter2:TheTelltaleSignsofBodyLanguageFacialExpressionAngerDisgustFearHappinessSadnessSurprise

PostureArmPositionSpaceZones

HandGesturesFootPlacement

Chapter3:BodyLanguageFactsYouCanUseHowtoPickUptheSignalsOpenorClosedTellingtheTruthorLyingOnYourSideOrAgainstDominantorSubservientCommittedorCouldNotCareLess

10TipsonHowtoUseBodyLanguagetoYourAdvantageShowThatYouAreInControlMoveandSpeakForBestImpactRotatingYourPalmsDownwardToConfirmAuthorityWantToBeRespectedForYourOpinionatMeetings,SpeakFirstGaugetheReadinessofYourAudienceKnowWhetherIt’sAGoodorBadTimetoNegotiateToMakeanImpactandGetThemToListen,WidenYourStanceToGetBackIntotheSaddle,TakeaStepBack–LiterallyToGivetheImpressionofTrust,aCupofCoffeeWillHelpShakeHandsBeforeAndAfter

ConfidentBodyLanguage–TheDosandtheDon’tsTheDosTheDon’ts

Chapter4:TheDifferentBodyLanguagesTheGender(Body)LanguageBodyLanguageforHerFacialExpressionsProximityTouchingBodyLanguageforHimFacialExpressionProximityTouching

TheCulture(Body)Language

GeographyConnotation

TheAge(Body)LanguageDidYouKnow…?

Conclusion:ForewarnedMeansForearmedPreviewof‘Persuasion:TheSubtleArt’OtherBooksbythisAuthorHelpfulResources

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Introduction–WhyShouldYouReadThisBook?Bodylanguageisoneofthemostfascinatingsubjectsintheworld.Tobeabletoreadwhatapersonwants, thinks and/orplans todowithout exchangingaword is exciting.Thisbookwilltakeyouthroughthebasicsofbodylanguage.Youwilllearninthisbookwhereandhowtolooktobeabletoidentifywhetheryouhavehookedapersonornot.

Contrary to common belief, reading body language is easy enough.We already know thelanguage.Wedoitallthetime.Howmanytimesyouhavemetapersonandfeltthatyouneedto raiseyourguardagainst theperson?Howmany timeshaveyou instantly likedsomeoneandgot together likeahouseon fire.Thesewouldbe the resultof the innateabilityweallhavetoreadbodylanguage.

So,whyshouldwereadanyfurtherifweknowitalready?Itisimportanttoidentifythesignsand know how these conclusions are drawn so you can protect yourself from harm andheartbreak. It is also important that you knowwhat you highlight andwhat to downplay inyour own demeanor to ensure that you do not attract the wrong kind of attention and/ orresponse.

Though it iseasy to recognize thevariousbody languagesigns that indicate love,hostility,subservience, challenge, disagreement, agreement, etc. it is not easy to accurately interpretthesesignswithoutexperience.Inexperiencedpersonsoftenmakethemistakeofjudgingthethoughtsand/orplansofapersonjudgingbyoneortwomajorindicators.

However, this would ensure wrong interpretation because body language – as the nameindicates – needs to be taken in full context. Unless you read the signs transmitted by thewholebodyplusthetoneanddecibellevelofthevoice,youcannotreallyreadcorrectly.

Thegoodnewsisthatitispossibletogatherinformationinonequickscanandthisbookwillhelp you do just that. This book attempts to bring to you the key factors that go into thereadingofbody language.Bepatient.Donotattemptdoing toomuch toosoonoryouwillendupfrustrated.Aslongasyouarewillingtotakeonestepatatime,restassuredthatyouwillbecomeanexpertatreadingbodylanguageinnotime.

Use thisasa tool to improveyour relationshipsathome,atworkand ingeneralwithyourfriends. This is also a very potent device to build your career. You could upgrade yourknowledgeandexpertisewithpracticeandverysoonyouwillbeabletoreadyourboss,yourinterviewer,yourdateandsoon.Thisisatool,whichindeedwillgiveyoutheabilitytoreadapersonlikeabook.

Ontheotherhand,youwillknowwhatneedstobedonetohideyourfear,insecurity,doubtswhenyouarefacedwithanytypeofproblem.Youwillalsolearnhowtoprojectconfidenceusingbodylanguage,howtobehappyandhowtousebodylanguagetoyouradvantage.

Happyreading!

Chapter1:WhatIsBodyLanguage?Body language is the language you speakwithoutwords.Whenyou say, “communication”you often think of “words”, “speeches”, and “presentations”. However, communication ismuchmore thanwords.You can communicate exceptionally accuratelywithout saying onewordjustwithyourbody.Everypartofyourbodycanspeakaseloquentlyaswords;perhaps,evenbetterthanwords.

Theway you stand, theway you hold your head, theway you position your palms, hands,arms,legs–everythingsayssomething.Sometimes,youcanpickuptheunsaidmessageinaninstant–likewhensomeoneisaggressive–andsometimesittakesalittletime.

There are many theories about how much communication we actually do through bodylanguage.One thatyouwill findquotedmostoften is theMehrabian theory–byDrAlbertMehrabian -whichstates thatabout7percentofcommunication isdone throughwords,38percentisthroughthetoneofourvoiceandawhopping55percentthoughbodylanguage.Inotherwords,thenon-verbalcommunicationamountstoanastounding93percent.

WhyisBodyLanguageImportant?Youwouldsaysomethingthatamountto93percentissignificant.Thisnumberitself–evenifmanysayitapproximate–ishugelyimpressive.Thisindicateshowimportantitistolearntoread body language – because the actual message comes from there. It is indeed veryimportant to knowwhat the other person reallywants to convey. This type of informationwouldmakeyourlifequiteeasy.

Mostpeopleareableto“pickupthesignals”eveniftheydonotactuallyknowhowtoreadbody language.Forexample,youenter a roomandyou“know”whether theywere talkingsomethingfriendlyorarguingaboutsomething.Thebodylanguageofthepeopleintheroomwill “tell” you the mood instantly, though if you were asked why you deduced that youwouldn’tbeabletoexplain.

Learning to accurately read body language is a skill like any other.We all love SherlockHolmes and his amazing observation skills. Detectives, FBI agents, people working inintelligenceandespionage,professionalgamblers,magicians,andthelike,aretrainedintheartofreadingbodylanguage.Theyusethisskilltofoolyouintobelievingthattheyarewhat-they-are-not.

Therearemanysignalsthatyourbodywillsendinvoluntarily.Forexample,you’llgrimaceatthe sight of vomit or feces; you may smile at the picture of a kitten playing or flowersblooming.Knowingwhat these signals arewould help you control communication so youcould“transmit”themessageyouwanttransmitted.

Knowingtoreadbodylanguagewouldhelpyou:

-establishleadershipandmaintainitinspiteofcompetition;

-establishafriendlyandconduciveenvironmentformallyandinformallywhereveryougo;

- amplifyandoptimizeyourpersuasionpowersand therebybeingable togetpeople todowhatyouwantthemtodo;

-winpeople’strust;

-ensurethatyouchoosefriends,colleagues,employees,etc.better.

Theseareonlyahandfulbenefitsyoumaygain from learning to readbody language.Thebestisthatyouwouldbeabletostayincontrolofmostsituationsbecauseyouwouldknownotonlytoreadotherpeople’ssignalsbutalsoknowwhatsignalsyoushouldsendwhenandwhere.Soundslikeafoolproofrecipeforsuccess!

ReadingBodyLanguageIsAllInContextYoualreadyknowtoreadybodylanguage,evenifyoumaynotknowthatyouknow.Someexamples:

-youknowwhenyourbosswalksinafoulmoodevenbeforehesaysoneword;-youknowyourspouseisworriedaboutsomethingevenifhe/sheactslikenothinghappened;-youknowyourchildishidingsomethingwithoutanyrealreasonwhatsoever;-youknowwhenyourloverischeatingwithoutashredofproof;-youknowthatsomeoneisgoingtogiveyougoodnewsorbadnewsbeforetheyevenopenedtheirmouth;-youknowthatsomeoneisripeforafightevenifthatpersonneveraddressedyouinanymanner;-youknowthatsomeonedislikesyouwithoutthemsayingitwords;andsoon.

This “you know” is you reading body language involuntarily. Autistic people cannot readbody language; theyonlyunderstandandprocesswords–hence, it iseasy to“cheat” thembecausetheyprocessonlywhatiscommunicatedthroughwords.

Most people know to readwhat others convey through their body language.However, thatwillnothelpyoutoomuch.Onlywhenyoulearntoidentifythefinersignalsconveyedandinterpret it voluntarily you would be able to benefit fully from this knowledge. This isbecausewhenyoureachthatlevel,younolongerwonderordoubtwhatyousee;youknowforsureandthatknowledgewouldputyouinanadvantageousposition.It’salmostlikeyouareabletoreadthatperson’smind.

PersonalTelltaleBodyLanguageSignals

Youwouldfinditeasyto“understand”peoplewhomyouseeoften–yourfamily,colleagues,friends,etc.Everypersonhasatelltalesignalforhappiness,arousal,anger,irritation,tellingliesandsoon.Forexample,youwillknowthat:

-whenyourbossstartsdrumminghisfingersonthetable,heisabouttoburstintoastreamofabuse;-whenyourspousetouchesherlowerlipsheissexuallyexcited;- when your spouse answers youwhile avoiding to look at you, she ismightyannoyedaboutwhatyou’resayingordoing;andsoon.

Baselining:HowDoYouDoIt

Over time, itwillbecomeeasy foryou to read thenon-verbalsignals fromthepeopleyouknow.Howdoyoureadotherpeople;peoplewhomyouhavenevermetinyourlife?Inmath,whenyouneedtoaddtwofractionswithdifferentdenominators,youfirstgetbothfractionstoacommondenominator.Similarly,beforeyouevenattempt reading theperson/persons,youneedtobaselinethemfirst;getthemtoacommondenominator,abase.

This would mean that you should be able to take about 3-5 minutes to watch the person/persons to observe how they behave normally. The factors that will help you “read” thepersoncorrectlyare,amongothers:

-theoverallposture–isthepersonslouchingorstandingstraightwithshoulderssquared?

-thesittingstyle–arethelegscrossedorarethefeetkeptgroundedonthefloor?

-thestyleofcrossing–ifthelegsarecrossed,aretheycrossedtoformthefigurefour(oneleghighonthethighoftheother),crossedattheankleorcrossedattheknee?

-thestandingstyle–isthepersonstandingwithfeettogetherorwideapart?

- the gesticulating style – are hand gestures moving outside the body’s frame or are thegestures contained within a small circle? Are the gestures vivid and animated? Are theyrefinedorblatant?

-thetoneofthevoicesoftandsubdued,orintunewiththegeneralvoiceoftheroom?

-isthepersonspeakingfastorthewordscomewithameasuredpace?

-isthepersonlisteningmoreorspeakingmore?

-doesthepersonmakefulleyecontact,orkeepseyesavertedordown?

Alsowatchhowthepersonmanageshisvulnerableareas,i.e.theneckarea,thebellybuttonarea and the groin area. If the hands are hovering around, the person is at the leastuncomfortableandatthemostfearful,anxious.Ifthepersonkeepstheseareasexposedandopen,themessageisthatheisself-assuredandconfident.

Youwillknowthepersonisopentotheidea/people/placeif:

-heallowsthevulnerableareasofhisbodytobeexposedandopen;

-hestandswithfeedwideaparttakingmorespacethanneeded;

-hekeepshishandsonthehiporatthesidesopenandloose;

-hesitscrossinghislegstoformfigure-4.

Youwillknowheismorelikelytobenon-responsive,hostileornotinterestedif:

-handsarehoveringtocoverthevulnerableareas;

-thearmsarefoldedacrossthechest;

-legsaretightlycrossedlikeintertwined;

-standswithlegstouchingorveryclosetogether;

-onearmcatchingtheother,whichisatthesideofthebody.

Onceyoubaselineaperson,youwouldbeabletoreadhisbodylanguagebetter,becauseitwould be in context. The change in body languagewould the non-verbal response to yourcommunication. Non-verbal communication would help decipher what the other personactuallywants.Whatarethesignalssaying?

Noticethechanges.

- Is the person the same while talking with you then when they were moving alone(unwatched)?

-Ishesmilinglessormore?Isthesmilegenuineorfake?

-Arethehandsfidgety?Didtheydisappearintothepockets?Dotheymakechoppygestures?

-Aretheycomfortablestandingcloseordotheymoveaway?

-Dotheshoulderscomedownorsquareuporaretheyrigid?

-Doesthevoicebecomelouderorsofter?

-Isthetonefriendly,cold,threatening,inviting?

Checkhowtheverbalandnon-verbalsignalsmatchtooneanother.

-Repeatswhatthewordssay.Forexample,thesentence,“I’mhungry”wouldbeaccompaniedbythehandmovingtothestomachpattingit.Thismeansthepersonistellingthetruth.

- Contradictswhat thewords are saying. For example, saying “I love you”while the eyescheckoutallotherwomenintheroom.

-Substitutesnon-verbalsignsforwords.Forexample,eyesboredorfilledwithdisgustsaymuchmorethanwordscansay.

-Complementthewords.Forexample,thebosspraisinganemployeewhilelandingapatontheback.

-Accentingthewords.Forexample,sayingloudly,“Idisagree”andatthesametimebanging

yourfistonthetableinfrontofyou.

It isveryhard to fakenon-verbal language.Yourbodyautomatically reacts to the thoughtsthatgothroughyourmindandthatreactionisnotinvoluntary,butalsoveryprimitive.Itmostoftendefiescontrol.Whenyouattempttocontrolit,youactuallycomeoutasfake.

Knowwhatsignstolookfortoachieveyourowngoal.

- Want to know whether the person is listening to you with interest? The signs that willconfirmthisisdirecteyecontact,bodyleaningtowardsyou,body’spositionisopenandthearmsandlegsarerelaxed.

-Wanttoknowifsomeoneisattractedtoyou?Watchforprolongereyecontact,warmsmile,closer to you standing, slight butwarmand inviting touch, head andbody leaning towardsyou.

-Wanttoknowwhetherthepersonislyingortellingthetruth?Looktosignssuchasfidgetyhands, touching face (nose and mouth area), darting eye contact, increasing blinking orunblinkinglook.

CommonIdiomsonBodyLanguageTranslatedThemeaningofbodylanguageismorecommonthanyouwouldthink.Manyexpressionsandidiomsweuseinourday-to-daydialogueshavedeepermeaningsthatrefertobodylanguage.Hereareafewexamples:

Lookintomyeyesandsay,“Thisisnottrue”

Thisisbasedonthefactthatapersonwhoistellinglieswouldnotbeabletolookapersonintheeye.Hence,whenyoutellsomeone,“Lookintomyeyesandsayit”,youarereferringtothispremise.

However, as you would see in the chapters that follow, this premise is not always true –especiallywhenobserved in isolation.Tobe sure that the personwho is not “looking intoyoureyes”isnotlyingyouneedtolookatincontext.Sometimes,lookinghereandthereisnotbecausethepersonwantstoavoidyourgaze,butbecausetheyarethinkingoranalyzinginformation.

Readmylips

You speak words with your lips. This is obvious and true. However, your lips can speakwithoututteringawordaswell.Curvedupwardsitindicateshappiness,curveddownsadness,bitinglipsnervousness,curlonesidesnigger,straightlinedisagreeableandsoon.Youknowwhenyouwatchthelipswhatthepersonmightbethinking–goodbad,insolent,challenging,happy,sad,angry,etc.

Hence, “readmy lips” actually draws attention towhat is not said, i.e. the non-verbal cue.

Observingwhat people dowith their lips is a greatway to gain insight intowhat they arethinkingandplantodo.

Talktothehand

Therearemanygesturesthataresoeloquentthatwordscouldbecomeirrelevant.However,handgesturesunlikegeneralfacialgesturescanmeandifferentthingsindifferentcountries.Itisthereforeveryimportantthatyoudonotusehandgestureinaforeigncountryunlessyouare100percentsurethatyouknowwhatitactuallymeansthere.

Thesefeetweremeantforwalking

This looks like a no brainer. Of course, feet are meant for walking. However, feet areeloquentspeakersaswell.Theydoindicateadesire“towalkaway”–andthisinthecontextwouldshowdisinterest,excitement,fear,andsoon.

Forexample,girl’sfeetwhenpointedinwardssaythatshewouldratherbebyherself;sheisnot comfortable. A salesperson’s feet, if dancing, wouldmean that he is excited that he isabout tocloseadeal/makeasale. If twopeopleare talkingandoneof themhashisupperbodyleaningtowardstheother,butfeetpointingoutwarditmeansthathewantstoleave.

Isn’titfascinatinghoweloquentlythefeetcanspeak?

Makeafirstimpression

Thewayapersonseesyoufor thefirst timedoesimprint itselfonthemindandthebody’sreactionwillforalongtimerespondtothatimageofyou.Thisiswhyitisimportanttomakethat “first impression” a good one. This means that your whole body speaks the samelanguage.

For example, you are going for an interview for a middle management or entry levelposition. They are looking for a dependable, grounded person with solid background inmarketing.Youarrivewithanimpeccableacademictrackrecord,goodexperienceandspeakgreat–buthaveatribal tattooonyourneck,anearringandcombedyourhair likeamafiadon.Doyouthinkyou’lllandthejob?

Letuslookatanotherscene.You’renegotiatingabigdealforyourcompanyandyouwanttocomeacross confident anddependable.Yougive a limpand sweatyhandshake,yourhandsaren’tstillforonemomentandyoureyesaredartingtoandfrotheroom.Doyouthinkyouareinspiringthecompany’srepresentativewithtrustandconfidence?

Itisveryimportantthatyouknowwhatyourbodyissaying,justasmuchyouknowhowtoreadwhattheotherperson’sbodyissaying.Communication,afterall,isatwo-wayroad.

BodyLanguageMythsYouShouldKnowAboutBody language signals are not always readable as given in the book. Sometimes – in fact,mostofthetimes–youneedtopayattentiontothecontexttotheabletoreadaccuratelywhatyousee.Also, therearemyths that aboundaroundbody language that could throwyouoff

pretty bad. It is important that you are aware about someof thesemost often encounteredmythssoyoudonotendupinanawkwardorevendangeroussituationbecauseyoumisreadthesignals.

Myth1:NoEyeContactMeansLying

Truth:Notnecessarily.Basically,notmeetingtheeyesmeansthepersonisnotcomfortablewith what he is doing or saying. There could be 1001 reasons why the person is notcomfortable–otherthanlying.Ontheotherhand,apracticedliarwouldactuallymeetyoureyessquareonandtellyoualiewithoutblinking.Mightshifttheeyesafterhetoldthelie;butonecantellaliewhilelookingyoustraightintheeye.

Hence,notallthepeoplewhocannotlookyouintheeyearetellinglies;asnotallpeoplewholookyou in theeye, are tellingyou the truth.Youneed to look foracombinationofothertelltalesignstomakeanaccurateobservation.

Itisworthwhiletomentionherethatmostpeopleprocessinformationwiththehelpoftheirfeelings,hearingandsight.Hence,iftheyarevisualizingittheywilllookup;iftheywanttohearit,theywilllookfromsidetoside;iftheyarefeelingit,theywouldlookdownontheirhandsandfeet.Lookingup,sidetosideortothehands–allmeanthataprocessofthinking/judgingistakingplace.Thisisdefinitelynotevenclosetolying.

Myth2:CrossingArmsMeans“NotInterested”

Truth:Whileitistruethatpeoplewouldnormallycrosstheirarmswhentheywanttoputabarrierbetweensomethingandthemselves,itdoesnotalwaysmeanthat.Sometimes,it’stoocold and you cross your arms. Sometimes, that is the most comfortable position – forexample,whenthechairdoesnothavearmrest.Sometimes,crossingarmsmeansthepersonisthinkingsomethingindepthandwithgreatconcentration.

Youneedtolookbeyondthepostureinmostcases,togettherealpicture.Checkthecontextbeforeyoudrawanyconclusions.Ontheotherhand,avoidcrossingyourarmsacrossyourchestwhileyouaremeetingnewpeoplelestyou’llbereadasuninterestedorhostile.

Myth3:FidgetyPeopleArePerhapsHidingSomething

Truth: The common belief is that hiding something makes a person uncomfortable andhence, the person comes across as fidgety. Once again, you need to look at this aspect incontext.Supposethepersonisfacinganimportantinterview,presentation,oranysucheventwhich is of critical importance, it is normal for a person to be slightly nervous. It isnervousnessthatmakespeoplefidget.Ifthesituationisstressful,somedegreeoffidgetinessisacceptable.

Myth4:AnyoneWhoTalksFastIsConningYou

Truth: Peoplewho are nervousmay sometimes talk fast. Peoplewho are overenthusiasticaboutsomethingwilltalkfast.Alsopeoplewhoareanxioustoconvinceyouaboutsomethingtheyfeel iseithervery important toyouor to them,will talkfast.Lastly,sometimespeople

talkfastbecausethatisthewaytheytalk.

Beforeyoudrawyourconclusions,ensure thatyouunderstand thebackground. It isalwaysgoodtolookforothertelltalesignsbeforedecidingthatthepersonwhotalksfastisnottobetrusted.

Myth5:AGoodVerbalCommunicationWillCompensateForInadequateBodyLanguage

This isoften the ideawithpeoplewhomakepresentationsor requiregiving speeches.Thetruthis thathoweverwellpreparedyouarewordsareneverenough.Foroverhalf-an-hourtwopeople can exchange about 800 non-verbal signs.Doyou still think you don’t need toprepareforthenon-verbalsideoftheconversation?

Chapter2:TheTelltaleSignsofBodyLanguageNomatter howgood you get at reading body language, youmaynever feel that you haveperfecteditbecausethisissuchavastsubject.However,thereareafewbasicsthatwillalwayshelp you get a fair idea of what is going on. The first and foremost skill you’ll need todevelopisakeenobservation.

Youneedtostartlookingforthetelltalesigns–butthismustbedonenaturallyandintandemwith your verbal communication unless youwant to completely freak the other person outcompletely.Thetelltalesignsare:

Inconsistencies–isthebodylanguageinsyncwiththeverballanguage?Isthepersonsaying“yes”whilethebodyissaying“no”?

Non-verbalcommunicationgrouped–onesinglegesturemaynotreallymeantoomuch.Donotreadtoomuchthere.Rather,payattentiontoclustersofgroupsignalsthataresent–likethetoneofthevoice,facialexpression,eyemovement,handsmovements,etc.Whatdotheysaytogether?

Tune in toyourgut feelings –mostpeople“know”what theotheractually says.Youwillhavethatgutfeelingthatthispersonisnotactuallytellingthetruth,orisnotinterestedorthatheispreoccupiedwithsomethingelse–don’tignoreyourgutfeelingjustbecausethepersonissayingtheoppositesoeloquently.

Be aware andmore careful when your gut feeling is sending youwarning signals.Watchcloselyforbodylanguagecuesthatdon’tmatchthewords.

-Eyecontact–istheeyecontactjustright?Orisitfurtiveortoointense?

-Facial expression – is the face responsive? Is it a mask of indifference? Is it hard andunforgiving?Isitanimatedwithinterest?Doesitmatchthewords?

-Toneofthevoice–thereis1001waystosay“comehere”or“thankyou”.Tryit.Sayitwithsurprise,anger,sadness,eagerness,happinessandsoon.Thetoneofvoicecantellyouplenty.Doyoufindwarmththereorcoldness?Isitstrained?Isitconfidentortimid?Isitchallengingorencouraging?Sometimes,amere“howareyou”couldsetthepaceofthediscussion.

-Postureof thebodyandgestures – take a quick look at how the person is holding hisbody.Isitstiffandunfriendly?Isit“I’mintoyou”type?Isitslouchedanddejected?Isittense–areshoulders rigidand raised? Is theupperbody turnedonesidewhile feetareanother?Arethehandsgestureswithinthebodyframeormovemuchoutward?

-Touch–istheretouching?Ifyes,isitappropriate?Isthepersoninvadingyoursafetyzone?Is the touchingdominatingor friendly?Does itmakeyou feelgood,annoysyouor it fillsyouwithdread?

-Intensityofthepersonality–isthepersontoomelodramatic?Tooquiet?Toocold?Too

dangerous?Tooflat?

-Timingandpaceoftheconversation/dialogue–istheverbalcommunicationtoofastthatitlooksimpatient?Ortooslowthatitlooksuninterested?Dothenon-verbalsignalskeepupwiththewords–oristhemouthsayingsomethingandthebodylanguagesomethingelse.

Allthesearesignalsthatwilltellyouwhattheotherpersonisactuallythinkingandplanningto do.The ability to read it accuratelywould help youpreempt the action and intervene insuchamannerthatyougettheactionyouwantfromthepersonyouaretalkingto.Intheend,itisallaboutgettingyourway.

FacialExpressionInmostcaseswhatyouthinkandfeelisreflectedinyourface.Somepeoplemasterthearttokeepablankface,butthatwouldbeforalimitedtimelikewhenappearingforanintervieworgambling – and this would be in order to prevent the other person to read what the realfeelingsare.Thereare6basicexpressionsthatarecommontothehumanspeciesandcanbereadsameallovertheworld:

Anger

Youwillknowfromthefaceofthepersonthatheisangry.Thereisafrown,eyelidsbecomenarrowed,lipsaretightandofteninastraightlineandnostrilsflare.

Disgust

The nose wrinkles in disgust and the face crumples – eyebrows come down and cheekmusclesarepulledup.

Fear

The facial expression for fear is universal.Eyeswiden,mouthopens in agaspinggesture,cheekmusclesgettenseandeyebrowsshootupwrinklingtheforehead.

Happiness

Smiling is the first andmostcommon facialexpression that says,“I’mhappy”.The face isrelaxed,welcomingandwarm.Wrinklesareformedatthecorneroftheeyes–laughlines.

Sadness

Youwill find that the insidecornersof theeyebrowgoslightlyup, lipcornerscomedownandsometimestheyquiverannouncingtears.Tearsarealsoasignofsadness(alsoofintensehappiness).

Surprise

Jawdrops,eyebrowsshootupandeyeswiden.Wrinkleswouldbeformedinthemiddleoftheforeheadandthemouthwouldbeopen.

Besides, these 6 universal and easy-to-read expressions are many more combinations and

permutations. The eyes are themost “talkative” in the facial expressions. Besides showingthese6basicexpressions/emotionsthereare:

-Uncomfortable – sideway glancing, furtive glancing, darting eye contact, looking down,lookingallovertheroomortowardsthedoormayconveythis.Toomuchblinkingalsocanbetakenasasignofnervousness.

-Lying– furtive looks, inability tomaintainsteadyeyecontact, lookingathands,couldbesignsthatthepersonisnottellingthetruth.

-Givingspace–the“Idon’tseeyoulook”isusedincrowdedplaceswhereeyecontactcouldbecome overwhelming. You would experience this look in elevators, subways, railwaystations,airports,etc.whereyouareinacrowd,butdonotwanttoconnectorallowanyonetoreachouttoyou.

-Deference–inmanycultures“lookingstraightintheeye”isconsidereddisrespectfulandchallenging authority. Hence, the lower rank would lower their eyes when addressingsomeone of higher rank. In some culture, women are expected to look down as aconfirmation of modesty. Women who make eye contact would be interpreted as “loosecharacter”or“solicitingsex”incertainpartsoftheworld.

-Dominance–you’dhaveheardoftheexpression,“staringhimdown”.Thisiswhentheeyesare boring and unflinching, forcing the other person to break contact first. This is thedominating look and is usednormally byonewho either believes he is higher in rank, orwantstointimidateothersintobelievingthat.

PostureThewayapersoncarrieshisbodysaysalotaboutwhatthepersonfeels.Atimidpersonwillcarryhimselfdifferentlyfromhowaconfidentandself-assuredpersondoes.

-Nervous, timid, low self-esteem – the body is slouching, shoulders down in an almostcringing posture, head bent forward, eyes looking down or darting furtively around, legseithercrossedtightlyorwithfeetveryclosetogether,armscoveringthevulnerablezonesofthebody(neck,bellybuttonlevelandgroin).Itsays,“Letmeoutofhere.I’mnotcomfortablehere.”

- Dominant, full of confidence, leader – body upright, jaw thrust forward, head tiltedupwards, powerful gait, feet at shoulder ’s width or slightly more, hands at the side andoutward,chestswollen,shoulderssquared,handsmovingwithinthebodywidthwithprecisemovements,eyesfullcontact,gaugingyou.

-Arrogant,pompous, full ofhimself – body takingmore space than required, head tiltedbackwards, eyes challenging, feet wide apart, hands gestures loud, brisk and wide, eyespushingyouintotheground.

ArmPosition

Thewayyouholdyourarmsinrelationtoyourbodywillalsotellalotaboutwhatyoufeeland think.People tend tomake self-protectivegestureswhen theyarenot comfortablewithwhat they see, hear or feel.When comfortable and agreeable, they allow themselves to beexposedandopen.

-Uncomfortable,untrusting,closed– thearmsandhandswill try tocover thevulnerablepartsofthebody.Youwillfindthearmstouchingtheneckportion,roundthebellybuttonorinthelapcoveringthegroinarea.Youmayalsofindthearmscrossedinfrontofthechest.

-Trusting, interested,open – thearmsof thepersonwho is interested,openand trustingwouldhavethearmsawayfromthevulnerableareasofthebody.Thehandswouldeitherbehanginglooselyatthesideofthebodyorusedforarticulategesturing.

SpaceZonesSpace is not exactly body language, but is a very important factor. The space one makesaroundhimcanindicatefairlyaccuratelyhowtheyarefeeling.Therearefourtypesofzones,i.e.thepubliczone,thesocialzone,thepersonalzoneandtheintimatezone.

-ThePublicZone–thiswouldbebyWesternstandards,about12feetfromanyotherperson.This isgenerally thedistanceoneputsbetweenhimselfandapublicspeaker.This is totallynon-threatening and non-invading. It is also a zonewhere there is little or no commitmentbetweenthespeakerandlistener.

-TheSocialZone – thiswould be a distance of 4-12 feet andwould define the space putbetween us and the person whom we know, but not personally. The cashier, the copiermachineoperator and soon. In this zone are peoplewhoyoudonot allow to access yourprivatefeelings;however,inthiszonethereisadegreeoffriendlinessandcomfort.

-ThePersonalzone–thiscoversadistanceon1½-4feetaroundus.Thisisthezonewherewe allowpeoplewhen interacting in public places such as restaurants,work place, parties,etc.

-TheIntimateZone–thisisabout18inchestotouchingdistanceandinthiscircle/zoneweallowonlythosewhomwetrustcompletely.Whenyoufindstrangersinthisspace,itmakesyouuncomfortable.Thisiswhyincrowdedoftinyplacessuchaselevators,train,etc.peopleavoid eye contact. This is to say, “I’m notwillingly invading your private space. I respectyourprivacy.”

HandGesturesHandgesturesbetraywhatyoufeel inmanyways;mostof it is involuntary,unlessyouareawarewhatthegesturesindicateandyouwanttostressyourverbalstatementwiththehelpofyour hand gestures. We instinctively read hand gestures even if we would not be able toexplainthem.Forexample,shakingaforefingeratsomeonespells,“reprimand”or“blame”;clenchedfistscouldmeanfear,angerorpain,palmsupwardswouldinvitediscussion,palmsdownwouldnotbesoencouraging.

Unconsciousgestures–andoftenverydifficulttocontrol–arethosewhichhappenwithoutthinking.Forexample,whenyoulieyourhandmightmovetoyourmouthwithoutyouevennoticingit.Ifyouareafraidorveryanxioushandsmightclenchintoafist.

Somegesturesareuniversalsuchas

-wavingwithopenpalmmeansgoodbye;

-wavingafistinsomeone’sfacemeansthreat,anger;

- thumbs up means all is okay (not everywhere though, in some places like Japan andGermanyitindicatesorderingbeerandincertainpartsoftheIndiansub-continentitisseenasdisrespectful);

-thumbsdownmeansrejectedorsomethingthatwentwrong;

-clappingmeansappreciationand/orhappiness;

-puttingyourhandstoyourfaceindicatesyouarefeelingmoved–indicatessadness;

-puttingyourhandbehindyourheadindicatessuperconfidenceandself-assurance;

-handsrubbingtogetherindicatessatisfactionoranticipationsomethinggood;

-waveofonehandcouldmean“Idismissyou”or“thisisnotimportant”;andsoon.

Sometimes one gesture can havemany nuances – such as a handshake. A limp handshakeindicates insecurity,while a stronghandshakemeans self-assurance.Ahandshake that turnstheotherhandpalmupindicatesdesiretodominate.

FootPlacementFootplacementcantellyouquiteaccuratelywhatapersonfeelsandwants.

-Whenthebodyisturnedtoaperson,butfeetarepointinginanotherdirectionitmeanstheywanttogetaway.

-Whenthefeetareclosetogether,thepersonistimidandwantstodisappear.

- When the feet are spread at the width of the shoulders or a little extra it shows thecharacteristicof“alpha”oraleader.Theytendtotakemoreairthatneededjustbecausetheycan.Thatstanceexudespoweranddominance–notnecessarilyisanegativemanner.

-Whenthefeetaretoowide,itmeansthepersonisloudtocoverfortheirinsecurities.Oftenthesearebullies–basicallycowards,butwhoposeas“bigguys”tocoveruptheirlowself-esteem.

Chapter3:BodyLanguageFactsYouCanUseAsyoucansee,

Thecomplexityofbodylanguagecanfillvolumes.Butwearenotheretoreadvolumesofacademic stuff on what body language indicates. We can leave that for scientists andacademics.Whatweneed toknow ishow touse itonourday today lives to improveourrelationshipsatworkandathome.Inthischapterwewilllearnhowtodojustthat.

HowtoPickUptheSignalsOpenorClosed

Thefirstandmostimportantthingwouldbetogaugeaperson’sdegreeofopennesstoyou(andyouridea).Herearethetelltalesignsthatwillgiveyouquiteanaccurateinterpretationofbodylanguage.

-Theyraisetheireyebrowsoften.Thisisbecauseanopenpersonwouldlookforanswerswhensomethingnewispresentedandwhenyoulookforanswersyouraiseyoureyebrowsoften.Theforeheadofanopenpersonwilloftenhavehorizontalwrinkles(finelines)becauseofthishabit.

Ontheotherhand,iftheforeheadissmooth–itcouldbebecauseofbotox;oritcouldbethatthispersonisclosedtonewideas.

-They open their eyeswide.Wide or narrow is a relative term.To know it, you need tobaseline theperson (asdescribed inearlierchapter)and thenobservewhetherheopenshiseyesalittlewider.

The closed person on the other hand, would narrow his eyes with suspicion. If the eyebecomessmallerandtheheadtiltstowardsright,thepersondoesnotreallybelieveorwantstobelievewhatyouaresaying.

-Thenostrilsflare.Flarednostrilsmightnotbetooeasytoidentify,butitisaveryimportantbody language sign that indicates attraction – usually with a sexual connotation. This isbecausethepersonmightfindthesmellofthepersonarousingandhence,theymakeaneffortto inhale more of the scent they find exciting. This action is quite a primal one that isconveyedsubconsciously.

Ontheotherhand, thepersonmightberepelledby thesmelland insuchacaseyouwouldhaveawrinklednoseasasign.Forpeoplewhoareverysubtle,youwouldobservethehandgoingtothenoseanumberoftimesforscratching,pinching,touching–tryingtoavoidtheannoyingandrepellingsmell.

-Themouth is smiling. There is no better encouraging sign than the smile of the person.Sometimes,thesmileisnothingmorethanalittleupwardcurveatthecornersofthemouth.

Ofcourse,thesmileshouldbegenuineandtravellingtotheeyes.Astiffsmilemayindicatejusttheoppositeofopenness.

Ifthesmileishard,itisawarningofrejection.Ifthesmileisfalse,thereisthepossibilitythatthepersonmightwanttogivetheimpressionofinterest,butinterestisnotthere.

-Thebodyisturnedtowardyou.Whensomebodywantstoknowmore,theytuneintowhatyousay.Todoso,theytendtoturnalltheirattentiontoyou.Thisisindicatedbythealignmentoftheirbodytoyours.Ifthebodyisturnedtoyourscompletelywiththeheadtiltedtowardsyou,itmeansinterest.

Whenthebodyturnsaway,fromyouitmeansthatthepersonwouldratherbeelsewhere.

-Armswillbeawayfromthebody.Thisshowstrustandopenness.Coveringthebodywithyourarmsindicatesmistrust,doubtandpossiblya“notinterested”message.

-Gestures would be encouragingand non-threatening. Hands would go to the chin ortowardthepersoninanattempttoencouragedialogue.

Gestures can be thousands; each one indicating something. The closed person normallymakesbriskgesturethatseemawkwardandoutofplace.Ontheotherhandanopenpersonwouldhavefluidandnon-threateninghandgestures.

-Legswillbeuncrossedandcomfortable.Tightly crossed legs are often an indicationofnon-interest.Iftheyarecrossedcomfortably,itsaystheopposite.

-Feetareturnedinwardsoraway.Ifthefeetareturnedawayfromthedirectionthetorsois,itmightbeanindicationthatthepersonwouldrathergoaway.Ifhowever,thefeetarealignedwiththerestofthebodyandfacessquareontheotherperson,itwouldindicateanopenmind.

TellingtheTruthorLying

Aretheytellingthetruthoraretheylying?Thisisaquestionthatweoftenhaveflashinginourmindwhentalkingwithsomeone–neworknown.Howdowetell?Therearemanytinysignalsthatwillanswerthisquestion.

-Is thewholebody in syncornot?Whenpeopleare lying somepartsof theirbodywillbetraythefact,evenwhentheywouldtrytheirbesttomaskit.Inmostcases,thetelltalesignwouldbetothrowthebigpictureoffsync.Checkitout.Forexample,theymightsmile,butthesmiledoesnotreachtheeyes,whichremaincalculativeandcold.Ortheeyesarecenteredonyoutryingtoindicateinterest,whilethehandsarefidgetyandrestless.

Normally,thebodylanguageofthepersonwhoisnottellingthetruthisawkward.Itislikethereissomethingthatyoucannotjust lieyourfingeron,butyou’resureit’s there.Thisiswhy it isvery important thatyou should lookat thewholepicture thananyonepartof thebodyinparticular.

-Checktheheadfortelltalesigns.This isoftenoneof thosesigns thatcome involuntaryandaredifficult tocontrol.An insincerepersonwould tilt theirheadaway from the target.This is because in spite of themselves, the insincereperson’s body reacts towhat themindtellsit–notinterested/notsincereergolying.

-Voicevariations. Thiswould bemore visible after baselining the person.However,withexperience youwould be able to discern the variations quite easily. Sometimes, the personwouldslowdowninanunconsciousmovetomakethewordsmorepowerful.Otherswouldfind lying souncomfortable that theywould fast-forward through it – andhence, thevoicewouldbealittlehigherpitchedandwordscomeoutalittlerushed.

OnYourSideOrAgainst

Inanargument,atapresentation,oreveninafriendlygroupitisalwaysgoodtoknowwhoisonyoursideandwhoisn’t.Thefirstandmostbasictelltalesignisthemirroring.Youwillalmost immediatelyspot thecoupleswhoarehappyandthosewhoarenotbythisfact.Thehappy coupleswillmirror each other ’smoves and gestures,while thosewho havemovedapartwouldnot.

Take this simple test – adopt a posture.Watch for those who follow suit. Change ever soslightly and check whether over the next 20-30 second the other person or person alsochanges to follow suit. If this happens, you have found an ally. This person or groups ofpersonswouldbeeasytopersuadetoyourlineofthought–ifthatisyouraim.

Thishappensbecauseagreementcomeswithlogicfromthebrain.Hence,whenyouagreethesignalcomesfromthebrainandthewholebodyobeys.

DominantorSubservient

Therearetwomajorfactorsthatwilltellyouaboutpower,i.e.heightandspace.Thealphaorthe leader,wouldmoreoften thannotbeon thehighestpossibleplace in theroomorarea.This is one of the reasons why kings and emperors would have their thrones so tall andmagnificent.

Therehavebeensomeveryinterestingexperimentstotestthistheory.CEOsorleaderswereasked to convene meetings where they would be seated along with their employees atconference tables.Theywereasked to initiallysit tall,butas themeetingprogresses toslipalmost imperceptibly downwards. Surprisingly, the others unconsciously responded bymovingdownwardstomaintainthestatusquoandkeeptheCEO/leaderinahigherplacethantheywere.

Othertelltalesignsofdominanceare:

-Spacegrabbing.Thedominantpersonwould takemorepersonalspacewithoutaskingor

giving explanations. Youwill see the dominant person almost instantly. Thiswould be thepersonwhositsinasprawledmannerwithbothlegsandhandsoccupyingmuchmorespacethannecessary.

Ontheotherhand,thesubservientpersonwouldtakeaslittleaspossibleandhewillalwaysbefoundinthemostunobtrusiveplace–likethecornersoronthesidelines.

-Eyecontactisdominant.Dominantpeoplewouldliterallystareyoudownortotallylookthroughyou.Eitherwaytheyindicatethattheyareincharge.

Thesubservientpersonwouldoftentalkwithloweredeyesandheadbowed.Iftheymakeeyecontact, it would be for the briefest period and then they look away as they are notcomfortablewithlookinganyoneintheeye,lesttheotherwouldinterpretitaschallenging.

- Hands position. The dominant person would have powerful hand gestures that aredomineering and often intimidatingwithout being threatening. Just try this out and see thereactionof thepeople aroundyou.Putyourhandsbehindyourheadwhile leaningback inyourseat.Youwillobserveanalmostinstantdeferencetoyou.

The hands of the subservient personwould be trying to cover and protect their vulnerableareas–neck,abdomenandgroin.Handswouldbeoneupontheother,holdingtighttryingtogivestrengthtothebodyandmind.

-Legsposition.Legswouldbesprawledwherevertheyseat.Iftheystandtheywouldbeapartslightlywiderthantheshoulders.Thelegswouldtrytograbasmuchspaceaspossible.

Thesubservientpersonontheotherhand,wouldtrytofitinwherevertheyfindthemselves.Far from occupying extra space, they would actually try fitting in smaller places thannecessaryinanattempttolookinvisible.

-Voicetone–dominantpeoplearenotloud;theyaregrave.Veryoftentheyspeakslowanduseadeepresonantvoicetocontrolyou;togetyouinthepacetheywant.

Subservientpeople,ontheotherhandwouldtrytoblendinanduseavoicethatmatchedthegeneraltoneoftheroom.Iffacetofacewithadominatingpersonality,theywouldspeaklessandinacalmingandsoothingvoice.

-Bodyissquaredandlarge.Thedominantpersonwouldcarrythemselvestall,withsquared-upshoulders,chestout,headtiltedalittlebackandchinjuttingforwardandwalkwithagaitasiftheirfeetareheavy.Thesesignstransmitonething–“Iamlargerthanlife–andyouwillobeyme.”

CommittedorCouldNotCareLess

Howtoreadwhetherpeoplearethecommittedtypeorindifferenttypes?Committedpeopleareoftensubservient.Theyaresincereandeagertoplease.Thetelltalesignsareinthespaceandbodyandverballanguagealignment.Acommittedpersonwouldmoveintoyourpersonal

spacebecauseheisopenandinterested.Theeyesarewideandfocusedonyou.Therecouldevenbetouch–suchasrepeatedhandshakes.

Thepersonwouldmoreoftenthannotmirroryourmovementsandstance.Thebodymakesapositivestatement;youfeeldrawn(inanon-sexualmanner)towardsthisperson.Acommittedpersonisalmostalwaysopen,pleasantandinviting(inatrustingmanner).

10TipsonHowtoUseBodyLanguagetoYourAdvantageNow thatyouhave learned sucha lot aboutbody language, letus lookat a fewpoints thatwouldhelpyouadvanceinlife.Herearefewsimpleyetverypowerfultipsthatwouldhelpgetaheadofthecompetition.

ShowThatYouAreInControl

Before you enter a roomwhere youwant tomake the right impact, or before youmeet apersonyouneed to impress takea longanddeepbreath.Whenyoudo this, themusclesofyourjaw,neckandshoulderwouldrelaxgivingyouanaturalposture–insteadofarigidandfalseone.Thenaturallookwouldhaveyoureceivedbetterthananaggressivelookthatwouldhavebeenperceivedhadyouwalkedinwithrigidneckandshouldermuscles(rigidbecauseyouwereanxious).

MoveandSpeakForBestImpact

Human beings are instinctively drawn to movement. When you move, the eyes instantlybecomefocusedonyou–andwiththeeyesyourbrain.Hence,toattractattentionandholdit,move while you speak or make a presentation. To ensure maximum attentionmove for aslightwhileandstandstillanddeliverthestatementyouwant.

RotatingYourPalmsDownwardToConfirmAuthority

Peoplereadthepalmsdownsignasauthority.Hence,whenyouwantpeopletolistentoyouandtakeyouasadecisiveandno-nonsenseperson,allyouhavetodoisusegesturesthatgetyourpalmstorotatedownwards.Thisisespeciallyimportantifyourfeelverystronglyaboutanythingandwanttomakeabigdealoutofit.

WantToBeRespectedForYourOpinionatMeetings,SpeakFirst

Atmeetingsorindiscussiongroupsthepersonwhotalksearlyisrememberedasimportantandassertive.This isbecause in thebeginningmostpeople feel theyneed time towarmupbeforegivingtheiropinionandhence,admirethosewhospeakearlyarelookedupasleadersinminorway.

GaugetheReadinessofYourAudience

If the person is interested in what you have to say, hewould sink back into the chair andassume a relaxed stance, i.e. he is ready to listen to you patiently. If the person is not

interested,hewouldgethimselfpoised togetupandgo. If thishappens,youshouldeitherwrapupwhatyouhavetosayquickly,orchangethetopicandseewhetheryoucancapturetheperson’sortheaudience’sattentionandinterest.

KnowWhetherIt’sAGoodorBadTimetoNegotiate

Beforeyoulaunchintonegotiations,itwouldbegoodifyoutestthewateralittle.Itisalwaysbesttonegotiatewhenthetimeisripetogetthebestoutcome.Tofindoutwhetherthat isagoodtimeornottesttherapportyouhaveestablishedwiththeothersusingbodylanguage.

Let us say you are seated at a conference table. Facing one of the individuals (or more),suddenly leanawayfromhimpushingyourseatback. Inmostcases,youwill find that theotherpersontoowouldmoreorlessmirroryouractions.Thisishowyoualienateaperson.

To bring him back to the connect, all you have to do is lean towards the person now andensurethathandsarevisiblewithoneorbothpalmsfacingupwards.Lookathim,andflashagenuinesmile.Itwouldveryrarethatyouwouldnotgetaninstantfriendlyreactionfromtheotherperson.

Ifyouareabletoswaythepersoninthismanner–itisthebesttimetotalkaboutwhateveryouwanttonegotiate.Itismostlikelythatyouwouldwin.

ToMakeanImpactandGetThemToListen,WidenYourStance

Wehave spoken in the earlier chapters about how importance stance is.Whenyouwant tomakeastatementthateveryoneshouldlistenandobey,widenyourstance,takeadeepbreathandkeepingbothfeetfirmontheground,feelyourselfbreathinginandoutandthecalmnessandcenteringitbringsyou.Whenyouarerelaxedandusethisstancethevoicewouldcomeoutmoreresonantanddeeper.

A confident stance and deep voice is the recipe for the highest level of persuasion ability.Whenyoumasterthistypeofstance,fewwouldbeabletoresistyourcharm.

ToGetBackIntotheSaddle,TakeaStepBack–Literally

Therewouldbetimeswhenyoufindthatyouhavelostallcontrol.Whenyouwanttogetbackthereignsinwhatevercrowdyouarein,allyouneedtodoistakeafewstepsback.Thatisabout all – and it is an excellent tip. Try it anywhere and see the other person’s reactioninstantly.

ToGivetheImpressionofTrust,aCupofCoffeeWillHelp

Trustisthebasicingredientinanytypeofrelationship–withoutestablishingtrustyouwouldnotbeabletoproceedwithnegotiations.Toshowyouaretrusting,youneedtohavethecupofcoffeeatchestlevel.Surprisingly,whenyoudoso,moreoftenthannotpeoplewillwarmuptoyouandbam!Youhavethemeatingoutofyourhand.

ShakeHandsBeforeAndAfter

Peoplewhoshakehandsassoonastheymeetaremorelikelytogetthedealinsidethebag.Itiseasytorememberthistip.Offertoshakehandsbeforeandshakehandsagainattheendofthe deal. Studies show that people who have taken the trouble to shake hands beforenegotiations,havebetterchancestoclosethedeal.Thisisbecausethereisahigherdegreeoftrustandbetterrapportbetweenthetwopersons.

ConfidentBodyLanguage–TheDosandtheDon’tsYouneedtocomeacrossconfident,ifyouwanttogetwhatyouwant.Howdoyouprojectaconfidentandself-assuredpersonality–evenifyou’rescaredoutofyourmind?Easy.Theysaytheeasiestsolutiontothisproblemis“fakeituntilyougetit”.Inotherwords,sendallthesignalsinthebookthatsayyouareconfidentandpreparedforwhat’scoming–whateverthatmaybe.

ThereareTWOwaystoprojectconfidence.First,startbelievingthatyouareonthetopoftheworld.Youareconfident.Youknowitallandnoonecanchallengeyou.Youareincontroland in charge. Themore you believe it, the better youwould be able to send themessageacross.

Second, you send the signals that signify these inner beliefs. Use all possible signs thatindicatetoanonlookerthatyouareconfidentandreadyforwhatevercomesyourway.

TheDos

-Dopayattentiontothewayyoustand.Todisplayconfidence,standwithyourhandslightlyonyourhips,feetrootedtotheground.Strikethisstanceinthemirroruntilyouperfectit.Dothiswhereveryouneedtomakeanimpression.

-Men,crossyourlegsacrossthekneetoformthe4figure.Thisexposesthegrointotheeye–thoughnotinappropriately–whichprojectsfullself-confidence.

-Spreadover thearea.Letyourbody lose; squareyourbodyandoccupymore space thanyourbodynormallydoes.

-Youcanputyourhands in the frontpocketofyour trousers,but leave the thumbsout;orhookyourthumbsinsideandleavethehandout.

-Spreadthefingersofyourhandsapartandpushthetipsagainstoneanother.

-Graspandrubyourchinveryslowly.

TheDon’ts

-Don’ttalktooloudly,tooquickly–thisshowsthatyou’renervousandunsureofyourself.

-Don’t gesticulate outside your body frame.Your hands shouldmovewithin thewidth of

yourshoulders.

-Don’tcoveryourneck,abdomenorgroin.Thisisadefensiveposturewhichsignalsanxiety.

- Don’t fidget. Crossing and uncrossing your legs, cracking knuckles, wringing handsindicatenervousness.

-Don’tscowl.Thisputspeopleoffandshutsyououtfromanypossibleconversation.

Chapter4:TheDifferentBodyLanguagesWehave established that body language is a powerfulmethod of communication.We havealso established that body language is not universal to be read and interpreted as onethroughout theworld.Besides the basics, there are factors that change the interpretationofbodylanguage.Whatarethosefactors?

Amongthekeyfactorsthatcouldchangethemeaningofbodylanguagearegender,cultureandage.Letushavea lookat thesedifferenceandfindouthowthesefactorscaninfluencebodylanguagereading.

TheGender(Body)LanguageYouwouldhaveheardofthebook,“MenarefromMarsandWomenarefromVenus”byJohnGraywheretheauthorexplainshowwomenandmenaregeneticallyprogrammeddifferently.Hence,theirreaction,understanding,emotingabilityandabilitytorespondinarelationshiparedifferent.

“Different”heredoesnotmean“bad”;itjustmeansdifferent.Inotherwords,bothcouldbelooking at the same thing, but come to totally different conclusions – and both would becorrect. Knowing to identify these differences would help read accurately their bodylanguage,andsaveprecioustimeandeffort.

BodyLanguageforHer

Women,asperresearchstudies,arefarbetteratreadingandinterpretingbodylanguagethanmen.Thisiswhywomenareknowntobe“intuitive”intheirapproach–particularlybecausetheycanreadwithmuchmoreaccuracyanindividual’sbodylanguage.

Howdotheydifferinbodylanguage?

FacialExpressions

Womenusefacialexpressionthemostintransmittingwhattheywantandwhentheywant.Youwouldseemanywomenwhocanliterally“talk”withtheireyes.Theirchildrenwouldknowthe“eye language”andevenpetswouldobey the“eyecommands”.This isbecausewomenareemotionalbeings,interpretingmostthingsthroughemotionsandfeelings.

You can read a woman’s face quickly and easily – because she lets you. However, if shechoosesthatyoudonotreadanything,youmaynotandcannot.Womencanputamaskandgothroughofficialandsocialeventswithoutallowinganythingtobebetrayedontheirface.

Indaytodaylifehowever,womenhaveatoughertimetohidetheirfeelingsfromspillingoutontheirfacethenmen.

Proximity

Womenprefer a side-to-side approach rather than themen’s face to face approach.This isbecause with the side-by-side allows more intimacy and warmth. Women are verycomfortablewith proximity to their body.Whenwomen are happy or anxious or sad - oreverythinginbetween-theyfeeltheneedtotouch.Touching,hugging,crying–aresomeofthewayswomenusetocope.

Generally,womenareokaywithpeopleincloseproximityandarenotscaredorfeelthreatedbyit.

Touching

Women consider touching as expression of friendship and empathy/sympathy. This iswhytheyalmostalwayswelcomeit.Itcomeseasytowomentotouchandrarelythinktwiceaboutapatontheback,ahugorapeckonthecheek.

BodyLanguageforHim

Menarenotverysubtlewiththeirbodylanguageanddonotunderstandwhythisisnecessary.Mostmenthinkthatactionsspeaklouderthananylanguage–andhence,ifyouwanttoproveapoint,thenyoushouldjustgoaheadanddoit.Atthesametimeitisimportanttounderstandthattheirbodylanguagediffersquitesomefromtheircounterparts.

FacialExpression

Itisnoteasyformentoemoteaswomendo.Neitherisitamatterofpridethatanyonecanread aman’s face.Hence,menbydefault pullwithin themselves anddonot show they areruffled or worried about anything. Their faces do show various expressions, but they areofteninscrutable.

Menhide their feelingsvoluntarily–because that is amacho thing.Hence, therewouldbedifficulttoreadtoomuchfromtheirface.

Proximity

Mendonotlikepeople,especiallystrangerstostrayintotheirpersonalspace;neitherdomengo into another ’s personal place unless they knowinglywant to intimidate in person.Theyconsider the invasionof theirpersonal spacea threat andhence,would resistwithall theirmight.

Whenpeoplemoveinaman’spersonalspace,theywouldeitherbeclosefriends/significantotheroranenemy.Therearerarelyanyin-betweenvariationsformen.

Touching

Touchingmakesmenuncomfortablewhenitcomesfromaman;unlessitisahandshakeorapatontheback.Iftheywanttotouch,itismoreoftenthannotsexualorforafight.

Whenamantouchestheotheritisofteninterpretedastwocolleaguesestablishingaworkingrapport.Ifthemantouchesawoman,thebestbetisthathelustsforher,althoughthatmaynotnecessarilyalwaysbethecase.

TheCulture(Body)LanguageCultureplaysaverylargeroleinhowyouinterpretbodylanguage.Inhigh-contactculturesthereisalotoftouching,eyecontact,bodypositioning,andfacialexpression.Inlow-contactcultures the trend is reverse; they tend to overcompensate for this fact by perfecting non-verballanguagethrougheyes.

Youwillfindthatlow-contactcultureshaveahuge,hugerepertoireofbooksthatspecializeininterpreting eye contact body language.Other factors that affect body language expressionandreadingareasunder:

Geography

It is very important to observe that different countries have different cultures and everyregionandcountryhas itsownnuances.Theclassificationof low-contactculturewouldbeapplicableinEastAsiaandmanypartsofEurope.OtherpartsofEuropeandtheUSAwouldfallinbetweenlowandhighbodycontact.

In most countries touching in public between genders or same gender is a taboo. This isbecause ithassexual (read thatas indecent)connotation.However,even in thisbackdrop inChina two young boys can be seen holding hands, strolling here and there. This normallyindicatesthattheyarefriends–notnecessarilylovers.Refrainfromreadingtoomuchinanygesturewhenyouareoutofyourowncountry.

Connotation

Itisnotveryeasytounderstandthesignificanceofanygestureunlessitisputincontext.Thecontextcanbeanything,hencewhenyouareoutsidethecountryyoushouldbeverycarefulwhenyoutrycommunicatingthroughsignlanguage.

Handgestures,bodypostures,facialexpressionsandeyemovement–allcancreateserioushavocinyourcommunicationifyoudon’treallyknowwhatyouaredoinggiventhefactthateachnewplacehasitsown“bodylanguage”rulesandinterpretations.

TheAge(Body)LanguageAgetoohasitssaywhenitcomestobodylanguage.Youngchildrenwhoarealmostalwaysopen communicate differently.Youngwomen send different signals than thosewho are onwiththeiryears.Youngmen,tooprojectadifferentbodylanguage.

Itisnoteasytoreadbodylanguageandallthesevariationsmakeitmind-bogglinglydifficultattimes.However,eventhoughyoudonotgettoknowallthenitty-grittiesofbodylanguage,

itisimportantthatyouknowhowmanytypesareoutthereandhowitisused.

DidYouKnow…?…thatbodylanguageisalsoknownas“kinesics”.

…theconceptofbodylanguageisnotnew.Aslongagoas350years,JohnBulwerwroteabookon the subject, “Cirologia:Or theNaturalLanguageof theHand” (1644)whichdealtwiththevarioushandgestures.

… that men are more often caught “checking out” women because their eyes have tunnelvision;hence,itiseasiertosee/checkwheretheyarelooking.Womenontheotherhandhavebetterperipheralsightandhence,canseethewholepicturewithoutevenmovingourhead.

… that the personal space is also called “the personal bubble” –and this varies from onecountry/continenttoanother.IntheUSAthepersonalbubblerequiresabout14-18inches,inJapanhowever,thisspaceisabout10inches.

…thatwhenapersonhascrossedbothhandsandlegs,heistotallyoutofthisconversation.

… thatmost women find it easier to get into themirroring body languagemode for oneanother.Theyalsohavenotroublemirroringtheimageofmen,iftheyfindthemattractive.However,menveryrarelymirrorothermenandalmostneverwomen.Exceptionsmightbethereinthisregard,duringcourtship.

… that two more universal facial expressions have been added in the recent past to theexisting 6 (surprise, sadness, happiness, fear, disgust and anger), i.e. embarrassment andcontempt.

…thatmenfindwomenwholaughattheirjokesattractive.Whenmensaytheylovewomenwithasenseofhumor,moreoftenthannottheymeanthattheylovewomenwhoareabletolaughattheirjokes–andnotthattheylovewomenwhoarewitty/funny,etc.

…thatwhentheyacutediscomfort,menwouldbefoundtouchingtheirfaces.Womenontheotherhand,wouldbeseetouchingtheirnecks,hair,armsandclothes.

… that feet and legs are often the body parts that almost always tell the truth about theintentionsoftheperson.Ifthefeetandbodyareoutofsync,itmeansdisagreement.Itisveryhardtocontrolthisreaction–evenifyouknowaboutit–andhence,oneofthemostaccurateyardsticksofbodylanguage.

…discomfortcanalsobeidentifiedwhenapersonsuddenlydecidestozipuphisjacketorclosethebuttonsofhisjacket.Thesamepersonmaybeseenunbuttoningthejacketafterthediscussionisover.

…thatoneshouldershrugmeansthatthepersonwhoisspeakingdoesnotagreetowhatissaid.

…thatasurewaytocalmdownistopuffyourcheeksandexhale.Youwillfeelcalmalmost

immediately.

…thatyoucanmakeyourselffeelhappier justbysmiling–evenifyoudonotfeel likeit.Justsmilefor2-3minutesandyouwillfindthemoodelevated.

…thatevenchildrenwhoarebornblindandhaveneverseen theworld,wouldcover theireyeswhentheyhearthatsomeonetheylovedpassedaway.

…thatchildrenwhoseparentsareexcessivelyabusivewouldoftenproject“frozen”postures,i.e.handsbythesideandnoeyecontactliketheyarefrozen.Thisisashortcutmethodforthebraintotrytomakethebodydisappearandmindtocope.

…thatblindpeoplewouldshowthesamebodylanguageasthosewhoarebornwithsight.

… that women see men who show dominant body language as more fertile (and henceeligible)thannon-dominantones.

…thatwhenwomenfindmenattractive,theywillnotallowanythingtostandinbetweenthem–literally.Theywouldremovecoffeemugs,purse,etc.thatisplacedbetweenthemanandthewoman.Ontheotherhand,whenshefeelsuncomfortable,shewillputthepurse/handbaginbetweenandcrossherhands.

…thatwomenuseabout16areasintheirbrainwhentheytryreadingbodylanguage;menontheotherhandshowonly4-6areaforthesametask.

… that the ability to laugh (or to see the funny side of life) diminisheswith age.While ayoungchildwilllaughabout400perday,anadultlaughonlyabout15timesperday.

…thatcontrarytocommonbelief,mostpracticedliarswouldbeabletomaintaineyecontactwiththepersontowhomtheyarelyingto.

… that autisticpeople arenot able to read anything“inferred” andhence, they cannot readwhatissaidthroughbodylanguage.

…thatarchedeyebrowsusuallyindicatetheythelistenerisintriguedandcurious.

…thattiltingtheheadandsmilingtotheleftoftenmeansyouareflirting.

…thatittakesabout4minutestodecidewhetheryoulikeapersonornot.

…thatwhentwopeoplefallinloveandlookdeepinoneanother ’seyes,theirheartbeatsstartbeatinginsync.

…thatthehormoneoxytocinisproducedwhentwopeopleinlovecuddleorembrace.Thishormonewouldbe found instantly in thebrain, testicles andovaries andhelps thebondingbetweenthetwoyounglovers.

… that most people prefer an attractive face to an attractive body for a long termsrelationship.

…touchingorholdingthehandofapersonwhomyoulove(notnecessarilyyourlover)can

reducephysicalpaintoalargeextent.

…thebutterfliesinthestomachisarealfeelingcausedbyanxiety,whichinturncausestheincreaseintheproductionofadrenalin.Itisadrenalinthatgivesthatqueasyfeeling.

… thatwhenyou try readingbody language,yourbody languagewouldbetray that fact toanyonewhoknowstoreadit.

…thatstudiesshowthatpedestrianswhomeettheeyeofthedriverarelesslikelytogetrunoverwhilecrossingthestreet.

Conclusion:ForewarnedMeansForearmedBody language is a formidable tool in your hands if you know how to use it to youradvantage. The ability to checkwhether a person is telling the truth, is attracted to you, islikelytoopposeyou,etc.canbeinvaluable.Atthesametime,it isimportantthatyouneverforgetwhatyoualreadyhave,i.e.yourgutfeeling.

Inmostcases,youwillknowthetruthalmostinstantlybecauseyourgutfeelingalreadysentyou the indication. The identification of the body language signs would be “collectingevidence”.Ittakespracticeandyouneedtodevelopkeenobservationability,i.e.youneedtotrain yourself to take thewhole picture in at a glance.You need to learn to recognize thecontextinwhichthebodylanguagewould“inform”youaboutwhatisgoingon.

Theindividualbodylanguagesignsareoftennotenoughtodrawconclusions;andifyoudodrawanyinferences,itwouldbethewrongones.Itistherefore,ofparamountimportancethatyoulearnhowtoreadthecontexttogetherwiththebodylanguageindividualsigns.

Usethisbooktopromoteyourcareer,togetpeopledowhatyouwantwhenyouwantandtobeabletorecognizeyourfriendsandenemiesquickerandeasier.Inthiscase,forewarnedisindeedforearmed.

Finally,ifyouhaveenjoyedreadingthisbookorfoundanyformofvalueinit,thenI’dliketoaskforafavor,wouldyoubekindenoughtoshareyourthoughtsandleaveareviewforthisbookonAmazon?

IaimtoreachouttomyreadersbyprovidingthebestvalueandqualitycontentIcan.Yourpositivereviewwillhelpmeachievethat!Itwouldbegreatlyappreciated!

Youcanleaveareviewforthisbookbysimplyclickingthelinkhere:

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Thankyouandgoodluck!

HanifRaah

Previewof‘Persuasion:TheSubtleArt’

Chapter1:TheBasicsBefore you embark on this endeavor, let us look at a few basic skills that are required tobecomesuccessfulinpersuasion.Youneedtounderstandwhatmakesthistraitsospecial.

3BasicPremisesPersuasionIsNotManipulationorCoercion

Persuasionistheartofmakingpeopleagreetoyourideaorsellingyourideatopeople.Inotherwords,itismakingthemwantwhatyouwant.Therearemanytermsthatareconsideredsynonymoustopersuasionsuchasmanipulationandcoercion.Thisisdefinitelynotthesamething.

Manipulationistrickingpeopleintodoingsomethingyouwant.Coercionismakingthemdoit against their will. Persuasion is getting people to see it from your point of view andagreeing to it. Also, it is important that you understand that there would be cases wherepersuasiondoesnotwork;however, inmostcasesyouwouldbeable todo it, ifyouknowhowtodoit.

ContextandTiming

Tobeable topersuade someone intodoinganything, they shouldbeable toconnect to theproposal. In otherwords, the proposal should go to the right audience.Hence, you shouldtimewhenandwhatyouare saying toget theperson to seeyourpoint ofview.This is animportantaspectoftheartofpersuasion.Onewillalwaystendtodowhattheybelieveisrightandsuitableforthepresenttime.

Youneedtodeveloptheabilitytowatchfortherighttimetomakeapitch.Atthesametime,thepitchshouldconnectandbuildonthebeliefstowhichthepersonconforms.Whenthesetwofactorsconvergeperfectly,persuasionbecomesapieceofcake.

Peoplewho havemastered the art have learned to read people instinctively. This does notcome easy. It takes time and effort to be able to catch at a glance whether the person isreceptiveornottoyouridea.Normally,thetelltalecueswouldcomefromthebodylanguageand theway thepersonexpresses themselves.Withexperience,youwouldbeable to“catchon”immediatelytowhataretherightthingstosaytogetthepersononyourside.

ConnectandAnchor

Therehastobesomethingthatconnectsyoutotheperson.Withoutaconnect,thereisnowayyoucanpersuadeanyonetodoyourbidding.Thegoodthingabout“connect”isthatthereis

alwayssomethingthatcanconnectyoutoanotherperson.Thekeyistogettoknowwhatitiswhile theperson isstill interested inwhatyouaresaying.This iswhere theartof listeningcomesinhandy.

“Listening”isnotalwaysaboutwords;itismoreoftenaboutwhatthepersonistryingtotellyouthroughhisbodylanguageandbehavior.Whenapersonlikeswhathehearshebehavesin a certainway,when he doesn’t he behaves in a differentway.There are always enoughsubtlehintsthatwouldtellyouloudandclearwhatthepersonisthinkingaboutwhenyouaretalking.Thekeyistoreadthosesignsandquicklyre-adjustwhatyouaresayingsoitconnectstothisperson.

Themomentyougetapointofconnectyoucanstartbuildingonthatandbringthepersontoyourperspectiveorview.

10BasicLawsTheLawofCompulsionofReciprocity

Basically,everypersonfeelscompelledtoreturnafavor.Thisiswhycompanieswhoofferquality freebies almost always get the receiver to buy something. A personwho receivessomethingofvaluefeelsobligatedandthatisnotapleasantfeeling.Hence,theywilltakethetroubletofindoutawaytorepayafavor.

Amasterpersuaderwouldknowhowtoleverageafavorforsomethingtheywantsmoothlyandflawlessly.

TheLawofPersistence

Youwouldbefamiliarwiththeadage,“Wherethereisawill,thereisaway.”Inotherwords,amasterofpersuasionknowsthatthereisalwaysaway;sometimes,youjustneedmoretimetofindit. If it is important,youwillalwaysfindawaytoget theotherpersondowhatyouwant.

Sometimes,justbeingatitonandonandongetsitdone.However,thereisaveryfinelinebetweenbeingpersuasiveandbeinganannoyingpest.This iswhereyouneedtotreadverycarefully.The trick lies in focusing andhighlighting thebenefits to theother personwhileunderplaying your side of the story.Hiding your benefitwouldmake the person skeptical.Hence,youragendashouldbeonthetable;however,itshouldbeamplyunderplayed.

Forexample,letussayyouarenegotiatingforahighersalarybecauseyoucannotmakebothendsmeetonthepresentpackage.Insteadofgoingtoyourbossandsaying,“Boss,Iseriouslyneed a raise in the salary because I amunable tomanage onwhat I amgetting now.”Youshouldgotohimandsay,“Boss,IthinkIamreadyforadditionalresponsibilitiessuchasx,y,z and that would save the company a lot of money. Instead of hiring another person orpersons,Icoulddothisforajustasmallincrementraise.Thiswouldbeacompletewin-winsituation.”

Byfocusingonthebenefitoftheperson,youincreasetheprobabilityrateofyoursuccessin

persuadinghimtodoasyouwanthimtodo.Asyouobserve,youdidnothidethatyouneededaraise;atthesametime,thefocusremainsonthebenefitthecompanygets(whomyourbossrepresents).

Whatifhesays“No”?Youkeepatit,untilheseesyourrequestintherightperspective.Inthemeantime,youworkharderandshowyourbossyourabilitiestodomoreandbetter.Usingthe “compulsion to reciprocate” principle, you make the boss look good and he willreciprocatebygivingintoyourrequest.

TheLawofPositiveReinforcement

Learn to see the good in others. Everybody has some excellent quality that sometimes isreadilyvisible,andsometimesitisnot.Teachyourselfto…

CLICKHEREtocheckouttherestofPersuasion:TheSubtleArtonAmazon.

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OtherBooksbythisAuthorClickonthebookcoverorlinktofindoutmoreabouttheothergreattitleswrittenbyHanifRaah.

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HelpfulResources1. Free Course on Body Language -

http://www.openlearningworld.com/innerpages/Body%20Language.htm

2. Body Language for Dummies - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/body-language-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

3. The Importance of Effective Communication -https://ysrinfo.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/effectivecommunication5.pdf

4. Using Body Language -http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

5. Bodylanguage-http://www.businessballs.com/body-language.htm

6. Howtoreadbodylanguage-http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language

7. Low-cost courseonBodyLanguage - https://www.universalclass.com/i/course/body-language-101.htm

8. FreevideosonBodyLanguage-http://www.microexpressionstrainingvideos.com/

9. 4 Sites that offer free courses on How To Learn Body Language -http://www.ilovefreesoftware.com/23/featured/read-body-language.html

10. FreeCourseonBodyLanguage-http://www.easyskillz.com/course/lifestyle/personal-development/fundamentals-of-confident-body-language-by-success-coach-nilesh