How to Survive in How to Survive in Ms. Russell’s Class Ms. Russell’s Class

By her 7By her 7thth graders of 08-09 graders of 08-09

Bow down to Ms. Russell. In this classroom she Bow down to Ms. Russell. In this classroom she is the dictator, queen, master, saint, or whatever is the dictator, queen, master, saint, or whatever she may call herself.she may call herself.

Don’t be stupid. Common sense Don’t be stupid. Common sense is a vital trait in the kingdom is a vital trait in the kingdom (classroom).(classroom).

No whining!No whining! Borrowing pens? Big no! no!Borrowing pens? Big no! no! Keep your spiral in mint condition.Keep your spiral in mint condition. Laugh at all of her jokes.Laugh at all of her jokes. Do the homework. Do the homework.

She doesn’t give much anyway. She doesn’t give much anyway. Don’t take advantage of fun activities. She Don’t take advantage of fun activities. She

always has worksheets ready to hand out.always has worksheets ready to hand out.

Don’t be stupid.Don’t be stupid.Don’t say stupid stuff.Don’t say stupid stuff.Don’t think stupid stuff.Don’t think stupid stuff.Don’t put anything on her desk; Don’t put anything on her desk;

it will never be found. it will never be found.LAUGH at her jokes.LAUGH at her jokes.Don’t make her mad. Don’t make her mad.

She will throw a brick at you. She will throw a brick at you. Literally! Literally!

Don’t give her attitude.Don’t give her attitude.Don’t say things you think are Don’t say things you think are

funny to make people laugh. funny to make people laugh.

Do your work.Do your work. Keep your spirals.Keep your spirals. Keep your spirals clean.Keep your spirals clean. Keep your spirals organized.Keep your spirals organized. If you like any other team besides the If you like any other team besides the

Dallas Cowboys, DO NOT mention it. Dallas Cowboys, DO NOT mention it. Bring a handheld pencil sharpener because Bring a handheld pencil sharpener because

she hates (I mean HATES) electric ones! she hates (I mean HATES) electric ones! In this class there is a major rule about work: In this class there is a major rule about work:

Do it or fail. Do it or fail. If you sit next to the light switch you will If you sit next to the light switch you will

become the official light switch handler.become the official light switch handler. Most of all, if Ms. Russell isn’t happy, Most of all, if Ms. Russell isn’t happy,

then then nobodynobody is happy. is happy.

The first thing you need to know is that Ms. The first thing you need to know is that Ms. Russell is QUEEN! Treat her like royalty.Russell is QUEEN! Treat her like royalty.

If you disobey, you will pay.If you disobey, you will pay.Don’t talk when she’s talking, because that Don’t talk when she’s talking, because that

really gets under her skin.really gets under her skin. It’s important not to have an attitude when It’s important not to have an attitude when

you’re talking to her or answering her.you’re talking to her or answering her.There’s no point in fighting with her There’s no point in fighting with her

because you’ll lose. because you’ll lose.No passing notes or throwing objects across No passing notes or throwing objects across

the room when you think she’s not looking the room when you think she’s not looking because she’ll catch you.because she’ll catch you.

My name is Susan (name changed) My name is Susan (name changed) and I am a survivor. and I am a survivor.

I survived screams and lots of referrals.I survived screams and lots of referrals.The screams are something The screams are something

you wouldn’t want to hear. you wouldn’t want to hear.Breath when you’re angry.Breath when you’re angry.Don’t yell back, or you’ll be public enemy #1.Don’t yell back, or you’ll be public enemy #1.Watch out for the brick.Watch out for the brick.She doesn’t give second chances She doesn’t give second chances

when she’s writing you up. when she’s writing you up.You have now been warned.You have now been warned.

I.I. GradesGrades Turn in everything.Turn in everything. DO NOT talk back.DO NOT talk back. Only speak when spoken to.Only speak when spoken to. Keep a good looking, well-kept, spiral.Keep a good looking, well-kept, spiral.

II. II. VideosVideos NeverNever say you’ve already seen it say you’ve already seen it

if the rest of the class hasn’t. if the rest of the class hasn’t. Never yell out loud at a movie.Never yell out loud at a movie. Laugh when she says it’s funny.Laugh when she says it’s funny. NEVER laugh at a movie with death in it.NEVER laugh at a movie with death in it.

IV. IV. PowerPointsPowerPointsLaugh at the sound effects.Laugh at the sound effects.Laugh at the funny pictures.Laugh at the funny pictures.NEVER say her PowerPoints are NEVER say her PowerPoints are

boring; she will give you the brick. boring; she will give you the brick.DO NOT fall asleep during PowerPoints.DO NOT fall asleep during PowerPoints.

V. V. WarningsWarningsShe really does have ashes of She really does have ashes of

students who misbehave. students who misbehave. If you get in trouble she brings out the BRICK If you get in trouble she brings out the BRICK

(dramatic music!), but you are safe. (dramatic music!), but you are safe. She almost never hits her target! She almost never hits her target!

Could

be

YOU

You must get your work done on time.You must get your work done on time. Don’t try those old sayings “I left it at home” when you Don’t try those old sayings “I left it at home” when you

know it’s in your binder and you didn’t even start it!know it’s in your binder and you didn’t even start it! Respect her choices because she is Respect her choices because she is

doing what she is doing to teach you.doing what she is doing to teach you. Be on time with everything you need for class, Be on time with everything you need for class,

including a pen. including a pen. Don’t copy anyone’s work even if the person says Don’t copy anyone’s work even if the person says

“OK” because it is better to do it yourself and you “OK” because it is better to do it yourself and you won’t get a zero.won’t get a zero.

Keep your phone off and in your pocket. Keep your phone off and in your pocket. Otherwise it will get taken up. Otherwise it will get taken up. Trust me; I know. Trust me; I know.

The first thing you need to do is to NOT chew The first thing you need to do is to NOT chew gum. She will catch you.gum. She will catch you.

Do not talk back to her or correct her. Do not talk back to her or correct her. She does not tolerate it. She does not tolerate it.

Most of the time Ms. Russell is very Most of the time Ms. Russell is very nice unless someone pushes her buttons. nice unless someone pushes her buttons.

Do your work or she’ll hunt you down. Do your work or she’ll hunt you down. You know what? SHE MAKES You know what? SHE MAKES

HOME VISITS, so be good. HOME VISITS, so be good.Never make her mad. She can be nice at times, Never make her mad. She can be nice at times,

but you don’t want to hear her scream. That but you don’t want to hear her scream. That scared me, even if she wasn’t screaming at me.scared me, even if she wasn’t screaming at me.

How to survive in Ms. Russell’s class is simple: How to survive in Ms. Russell’s class is simple: be good, do your work, and show her respect.be good, do your work, and show her respect.

This is HER CLASS. You follow her rules. This is HER CLASS. You follow her rules. She is the boss. She is the boss.

When she says she is going to call you parents, When she says she is going to call you parents, you better believe she is going to do it.you better believe she is going to do it.

If you just sit there and don’t If you just sit there and don’t do your work, she gets mad. do your work, she gets mad.

If you talk out of turn she will get mad.If you talk out of turn she will get mad. If you act silly and play around she gets mad.If you act silly and play around she gets mad.There are a lot of things she gets mad about, There are a lot of things she gets mad about,

but if you get on her good side, but if you get on her good side, all of that will change all of that will change

To survive in Ms. Russell’s class you have to To survive in Ms. Russell’s class you have to have as much respect as if she was your have as much respect as if she was your parent.parent.

You are going to do what she tells You are going to do what she tells you and everything will be pretty you and everything will be pretty cool if you have RESPECT. cool if you have RESPECT.

When she says to be quiet, you’d better or she When she says to be quiet, you’d better or she will turn vicious, but in a good way.will turn vicious, but in a good way.

When you have a test, you’d better study, When you have a test, you’d better study, but don’t worry – she always has a but don’t worry – she always has a PowerPoint review before the test. PowerPoint review before the test. But if you don’t keep your But if you don’t keep your mouth shut, she’ll mouth shut, she’ll shut down the PowerPoint!!!!shut down the PowerPoint!!!!

When she says to put something in your When she says to put something in your spiral, you’d better do it. Keep track of all spiral, you’d better do it. Keep track of all your worksheets and keep your spiral your worksheets and keep your spiral organized.organized.

Read all that she says or you Read all that she says or you WILL BE VERY CONFUSED. WILL BE VERY CONFUSED.

Ms. Russell does not like for kids Ms. Russell does not like for kids our age to act like 5 year olds. our age to act like 5 year olds.

When kids play around, When kids play around, that brings out the anger in her. that brings out the anger in her.

Really all you have to do is bring your Really all you have to do is bring your supplies, come prepared, do your work, supplies, come prepared, do your work, mind your own business, stay quiet, raise mind your own business, stay quiet, raise your hand before you get out of your seat, your hand before you get out of your seat, and most important of all – and most important of all – make her feel like a queen! make her feel like a queen!

First of all, don’t get on her bad side. First of all, don’t get on her bad side. Trust me – she’s not afraid Trust me – she’s not afraid to write you up. to write you up.

Ms. Russell can be nice too. Ms. Russell can be nice too. One time she let me re-take a test; One time she let me re-take a test; that was really nice of her. that was really nice of her.

Don’t make stupid comments.Don’t make stupid comments.Behave, treat her like the queen Behave, treat her like the queen

that she is, and you’ll do fine. that she is, and you’ll do fine.And listen to her stories: And listen to her stories:

they’re good. they’re good.

Come prepared every single day, even on the last Come prepared every single day, even on the last day, and always do your work when told to.day, and always do your work when told to.

When she says you may silently talk, When she says you may silently talk, she means SILENTLY, because if you she means SILENTLY, because if you don’t she’ll give you an assignment don’t she’ll give you an assignment to do on the last day of school.to do on the last day of school.

Never get Ms. Russell annoyed.Never get Ms. Russell annoyed. If you want to survive her class, then If you want to survive her class, then

don’t act silly or try to be the class don’t act silly or try to be the class clown because it’s not going to work. clown because it’s not going to work.

Listen to the teacher’s directions, because it’s Listen to the teacher’s directions, because it’s really annoying to repeat the directions over and really annoying to repeat the directions over and over.over.

Don’t make silly noises because Don’t make silly noises because it’s really immature to do so. it’s really immature to do so. When you do make silly noises When you do make silly noises you’ll get in really deep trouble you’ll get in really deep trouble and your teacher will call home. and your teacher will call home.

Acting like an IDIOT is not a good way to impress Acting like an IDIOT is not a good way to impress others and “be cool”. It ruins the fun for everyone others and “be cool”. It ruins the fun for everyone else when we could be having a great time.else when we could be having a great time.

Have good manners. Say “Yes ma’am” or “No, Have good manners. Say “Yes ma’am” or “No, Ma’am”. That’s a big pet peeve for her.Ma’am”. That’s a big pet peeve for her.

Don’t pack up at the 6Don’t pack up at the 6thth grade bell; grade bell; you still have 5 minutes. you still have 5 minutes.

Go to the bathroom before class starts Go to the bathroom before class starts because she usually won’t let you go. because she usually won’t let you go.

Try your best.Try your best. First of all, when you walk into the room, First of all, when you walk into the room,

tell her she looks nice, then she will tell her she looks nice, then she will probably be nice to you for the probably be nice to you for the rest of the day.rest of the day.

Don’t sharpen your pencils all at one time; Don’t sharpen your pencils all at one time; she will go mad if you do. she will go mad if you do.

Do exactly what she says to do.Do exactly what she says to do. Don’t make her mad because if you Don’t make her mad because if you

do you will not have a good day. do you will not have a good day. You can tell when Ms. Russell is mad. You can tell when Ms. Russell is mad.

She gets that look on her face, and She gets that look on her face, and that is when you need to shut up. that is when you need to shut up.

When she tells you to do something, you When she tells you to do something, you automatically do it without hesitation.automatically do it without hesitation.

To survive in Ms. Russell’s class To survive in Ms. Russell’s class you will need a pen or pencil. you will need a pen or pencil.

She prefers pen because she doesn’t like the She prefers pen because she doesn’t like the sound of the pencil sharpener.sound of the pencil sharpener.

The most important thing to bring The most important thing to bring to class is your brain. to class is your brain.

Do not chew gum; she WILL catch you.Do not chew gum; she WILL catch you. If you’re not prepared for class and If you’re not prepared for class and

don’t have a pen, she’ll make you don’t have a pen, she’ll make you pop a vein and use blood for pop a vein and use blood for ink.ink.

Don’t complain.Don’t complain. If she gets you in trouble and If she gets you in trouble and

calls your parents, she’s just doing it for calls your parents, she’s just doing it for your own good because she loves you! your own good because she loves you!

Do not talk so loud because when she gets mad, Do not talk so loud because when she gets mad, she gets MAD!she gets MAD!

Don’t make googley eyes at girls.Don’t make googley eyes at girls. Bring a glue stick. You will always Bring a glue stick. You will always

need it for your spiral. need it for your spiral. Don’t play dumb.Don’t play dumb. Don’t say anything that you Don’t say anything that you

wouldn’t say in church. wouldn’t say in church.

Always be prepared for her Always be prepared for her unpredictable mood swings.unpredictable mood swings.

Listen to all of her jokes, Listen to all of her jokes, even if you don’t think they’re funny. even if you don’t think they’re funny.

Don’t get on her bad side, because her Don’t get on her bad side, because her bad side is worse than getting bad side is worse than getting your foot chewed off by a pack of wolves.your foot chewed off by a pack of wolves.

Attempt to do your homework, Attempt to do your homework, even if you really don’t want to. even if you really don’t want to.

If you need something, If you need something, wait quietly until she gets to you. wait quietly until she gets to you.

Don’t say stupid things while she is angry.Don’t say stupid things while she is angry.

When you first get into Ms. Russell’s doorway When you first get into Ms. Russell’s doorway you have to kiss her feet as a sign you have to kiss her feet as a sign of respect and then say, “All hail of respect and then say, “All hail the mighty Ms. the mighty Ms. Russell!” Then you Russell!” Then you may go in her classroom.may go in her classroom.

To survive Ms. Russell’s class you should take To survive Ms. Russell’s class you should take karate so you learn to dodge the brick.karate so you learn to dodge the brick.

Don’t chew gum. She always finds it because Don’t chew gum. She always finds it because she has special powers. She can smell through she has special powers. She can smell through anything. She can tell where it’s coming from anything. She can tell where it’s coming from and what gum it is.and what gum it is.

Don’t make her call your mom in front of the Don’t make her call your mom in front of the whole class because you didn’t turn in your whole class because you didn’t turn in your homework.homework.

Don’t criticize the Dallas Cowboys! You will die.Don’t criticize the Dallas Cowboys! You will die.When you need to turn something in, you have When you need to turn something in, you have

to turn it in or else she will hunt you down and to turn it in or else she will hunt you down and make you do it.make you do it.

Don’t try to out smart her. She knows it ALL.Don’t try to out smart her. She knows it ALL.Don’t say random things to try and be funny.Don’t say random things to try and be funny.When pictures come in you really, really need When pictures come in you really, really need

to bring the money or the picture back or she to bring the money or the picture back or she WILL hunt you down, call parents, or even WILL hunt you down, call parents, or even come to your house.come to your house.

If you are on the quietest side If you are on the quietest side of the room you will get to leave first. of the room you will get to leave first.

Take all the opportunities she gives you.Take all the opportunities she gives you.Don’t be annoying.Don’t be annoying.Don’t be a clown.Don’t be a clown.Don’t get her in a bad mood.Don’t get her in a bad mood.Never chew gum in her class because Never chew gum in her class because

she’s the best at finding gum. she’s the best at finding gum.No (absolutely not) sitting by friends that are No (absolutely not) sitting by friends that are

going to make you talk.going to make you talk.Don’t argue with her. No matter what you do, Don’t argue with her. No matter what you do,

DO NOT ARGUE.DO NOT ARGUE.Don’t complain either; Don’t complain either;

she’ll give you something worse to do. she’ll give you something worse to do.

When you do something wrong, accept that When you do something wrong, accept that you’re wrong and don’t say “my bad” or “sorry”. you’re wrong and don’t say “my bad” or “sorry”. Instead say, “I’m sorry.” (Really easy, isn’t it!)Instead say, “I’m sorry.” (Really easy, isn’t it!)

Don’t chew gum. Don’t chew gum. She’s a good gum catcher. She’s a good gum catcher.

She helps you if you have missing She helps you if you have missing assignments. She is always here assignments. She is always here to help her students. Just ask! to help her students. Just ask!

If you’re not paying attention, If you’re not paying attention, at least act like you’re paying attention.at least act like you’re paying attention.

Listen to Ms. Russell instead of Listen to Ms. Russell instead of listening to students. listening to students.

Don’t lie. She finds out everything.Don’t lie. She finds out everything.

Don’t mess with Texas.Don’t mess with Texas.Don’t mess with the Aggies.Don’t mess with the Aggies.Don’t mess with the Cowboys.Don’t mess with the Cowboys.Don’t try to outsmart Queen Russell under any Don’t try to outsmart Queen Russell under any

circumstances because she’s always 43 steps circumstances because she’s always 43 steps ahead of you. Before you can lie, she already ahead of you. Before you can lie, she already knows what you’re about to say before you knows what you’re about to say before you even say it.even say it.

Don’t lie. She finds out everything.Don’t lie. She finds out everything.Don’t argue. At all.Don’t argue. At all.Don’t talk to the dumb people – Don’t talk to the dumb people –

only talk to the relatively smart ones. only talk to the relatively smart ones.

Actually know the answer Actually know the answer when you raise your hand. when you raise your hand.

She’ll find out if you have gum, so there’s really She’ll find out if you have gum, so there’s really no point in having it in the first place.no point in having it in the first place.

Do not do anything bad to get in the hall Do not do anything bad to get in the hall because she might forget and leave you because she might forget and leave you in the hall for the whole period. in the hall for the whole period.

Do not try to fake doing your work Do not try to fake doing your work because she will catch you. because she will catch you.

If you don’t know the answer, If you don’t know the answer, write “Sam Houston”.write “Sam Houston”.

Be an Aggie.Be an Aggie.

When Ms. Russell says, “When you get your When Ms. Russell says, “When you get your test you may read it, pray, test you may read it, pray, meditate, etc.”, DO NOT actually meditate, etc.”, DO NOT actually sit on your desk and begin sit on your desk and begin meditating. meditating.

Think deeply. Think deeply. It only hurts for the first couple of It only hurts for the first couple of minutes.minutes.

Pick one bad habit to change and Pick one bad habit to change and one good habit to start. one good habit to start.

Learn this fact: Learn this fact: Ms. Russell is always Ms. Russell is always right, even if she’s wrong. right, even if she’s wrong.