How To

STEAL Your

BOSS'S JOB

Dirty Tricks to Take the Job

YOU Deserve!

By Warlizard

Copyright Information

Warlizard Ink, LLC www.Warlizard.com

2011, Warlizard All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means,

including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a

reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

First published by Warlizard 2011

For inquiries about volume orders, please contact:

Warlizard Ink, LLC at info@warlizard.com

Kindle Edition

Disclaimer: All names (unless specifically mentioned) have been modified or changed completely. Certain dates, locations,

people and characteristics of these stories may have been changed to protect Warlizard from criminal prosecution or

civil liability. And of course, any illegal activities mentioned in this book are here for entertainment purposes only.

Also, do not try this at home. Void where prohibited. Use only in well-ventilated area. Well, you get the idea.

This book is dedicated to all the Peons.

You CAN Take His Job!

Table of Contents

Introduction .............................................................................................................. 7

The Secrets Your company doesnt want you to know ........................................ 8

Your Horrible Boss .................................................................................................................... 9 The 9 Types of Horrible Bosses .............................................................................................................................................. 10 There Is A Silver Lining ......................................................................................................................................................... 18

There IS an Easy Way to Climb the Corporate Ladder ....................................................... 19 These Secrets Are One Size Fits All ................................................................................................................................... 21 Does Your Company Think Youre a Peon? .......................................................................................................................... 22 Do You Have What It Takes? ................................................................................................................................................. 23 Always, Keep Your Mouth Shut! ........................................................................................................................................... 24

The 8 Things You Probably Think Are True, But Arent .................................................... 26 Corporate Lie #1 You Are Being Groomed for a Promotion .................................................................................................. 27 Corporate Lie #2 Management Classes / Degrees / Certifications Are Necessary To Get Promoted! .................................... 30 Corporate Lie #3 Human Resources Exists to Help You! ....................................................................................................... 32 Corporate Lie #4 Your Company Values Work/Life Balance (And Other Programs for Peons) ............................................ 37 Corporate Lie #5 Your Boss is on YOUR Side! ..................................................................................................................... 40 Corporate Lie #6 Companies Always Want to Promote From Within! .................................................................................. 42 Corporate Lie #7 The Best Way to Get Ahead is to Ride the Coat Tails of Success! ............................................................. 48 Corporate Lie #8 You Can Count On Your Peers ................................................................................................................... 49

How Promotions Really Happen ............................................................................................. 50 Case Study: Before You Fail BAIL! ................................................................................................................................... 50 Your Horrible Boss Cant Promote You ............................................................................................................................. 51 Case Study: Promoted by Association ................................................................................................................................... 52 You Only Need to Do 3 Things To Get Promoted .................................................................................................................. 52 Make it Happen, Now ............................................................................................................................................................. 53

Destroy the First Pillar: His Relationship With His Boss .................................. 55

Start At the Top ........................................................................................................................ 56 Win Over Your Bosss Boss ................................................................................................................................................... 58 How Do I Know This Is Working? ......................................................................................................................................... 58

If You Want a Senior Leaders Respect Stop Acting Like a Peon! ..................................... 59 CLM #1 You Dont Look Promotable .................................................................................................................................... 59 CLM #2 You Speak Like an Stereotype ................................................................................................................................. 63 CLM #3 You Bring Your Personal Life To Work .................................................................................................................. 66 CLM #4 Your Workspace is Decorated With Cats ................................................................................................................. 72 CLM #5 You Cant Hold Your Liquor ................................................................................................................................... 73 CLM #6 You Never Seem To Be Working............................................................................................................................. 75 Shape Your Persona ................................................................................................................................................................ 79

Take Control of Your Conversations ..................................................................................... 81 Always Control Your Conversations ...................................................................................................................................... 81 Initiate Conversations ............................................................................................................................................................. 82 Dont be Afraid to Give Praise ............................................................................................................................................... 83

Getting Access to the Senior Leaders ..................................................................................... 85 Meeting a Senior Leader In the Halls ..................................................................................................................................... 85 Impress the Senior Leader in Meetings ................................................................................................................................... 88 Leverage the Good Ol Boys' Network or Whatever Network You Can Make ..................................................................... 89 Find Him Off-Hours ............................................................................................................................................................... 89 Get A Dirty Job ....................................................................................................................................................................... 90 If You Can Get One High Enough, Get a Mentor ................................................................................................................... 97

Taking Advantage of the Mistakes Your Horrible Boss Makes .......................................... 99 Your Horrible Boss Complains About His Boss ..................................................................................................................... 99 When Your Horrible Boss is Missing In Action ............................................................................................................... 101 Horrible Boss Prevents You From Being Successful ............................................................................................................ 103 The Horrible Boss Pushed a Pricy Product ........................................................................................................................... 104

Leveraging Your Good Ideas ................................................................................................ 106 Big Ideas for the Senior Leader ............................................................................................................................................ 106 Bypassing Your Horrible Boss ............................................................................................................................................. 109 Trojan Ideas to Sabotage Your Horrible Boss ...................................................................................................................... 110

Stay Focused! .......................................................................................................................... 112

Destroy the Second Pillar: His Relationship With His Employees ................. 113

Why Employees Matter ......................................................................................................... 114 Keeping a Strong Relationship While Avoiding a Friendship .............................................................................................. 114 Create a Distance, an Unapproachability .............................................................................................................................. 114 Ignore What People Think of You ........................................................................................................................................ 115 Become a Mentor .................................................................................................................................................................. 115

Promote Gossip ....................................................................................................................... 117 Planting Rumors ................................................................................................................................................................... 118 Fanning the Fire .................................................................................................................................................................... 121 Keeping a Rumor Alive ........................................................................................................................................................ 122 Dont Overdo It..................................................................................................................................................................... 122

Finding Dirt on Your Horrible Boss ..................................................................................... 123 Why Employees Care About their Bosss Lack of Ethics ..................................................................................................... 124 Now, What Shortcomings Does Your Horrible Boss Have?................................................................................................. 125 Now You Are Prepared to Destroy His Reputation .............................................................................................................. 128

Making Your Horrible Bosss Unethical Behavior Public ................................................. 130 Case Study: Making The Horrible Boss Known for Taking Credit For YOUR Work .......................................................... 131

Using Coworkers HR Complaints to Your Advantage ...................................................... 136 Using HR Complaints to Your Advantage ............................................................................................................................ 136

Organizing a White Mutiny ................................................................................................... 138

Destroy the Third Pillar: His Relationship With His Peers............................. 140

His Peers Fun, Easy and Destructive ................................................................................. 141 Give His Peers Ammunition ................................................................................................................................................. 142 Finding Your Horrible Bosss Peers ..................................................................................................................................... 143 Keep An Eye Out for Your Horrible Boss ............................................................................................................................ 145

Finding & Sharing Private Information: ......................................................................... 146 Where to Find Corporate Secrets .......................................................................................................................................... 146 Letting Someone Else Sneak Successfully ........................................................................................................................... 150

Dont Forget to Be Your Horrible Bosss Friend ................................................................ 151 Listen with Attention to Your Horrible Bosss Boring Stories ............................................................................................. 151 Make Your Horrible Boss Need You .................................................................................................................................... 152 Be Careful - Dont Be Too Encouraging .............................................................................................................................. 152

Moving Him Out .................................................................................................. 154

Make Him WANT to Go ........................................................................................................ 155 Making Him Feel Alone ....................................................................................................................................................... 155 Encourage His Frustration .................................................................................................................................................... 156 Cutting His Ties With His Boss ............................................................................................................................................ 156

NOW! Get Your Horrible Boss Gone!.................................................................................. 158 Get Him a New Job ............................................................................................................................................................... 158 Take His Responsibilities ..................................................................................................................................................... 160 Take Advantage of The NEW Senior Leader ....................................................................................................................... 160 Dont Forget To Keep Your Eyes Open ............................................................................................................................... 161

Watch Out for Dirty Promotion Tricks ............................................................................... 162 Promotion Lie #1 The In-Line Promotion ............................................................................................................................ 162 Promotion Lie #2 The Future Raise ...................................................................................................................................... 162 Promotion Lie #3 The Phantom Job ..................................................................................................................................... 164 Promotion Lie #4 The Poison Project ................................................................................................................................... 164

Did It Once, Do It Again .................................................................................................... 166 Make It Happen Again .......................................................................................................................................................... 166 Watch Your Back ................................................................................................................................................................. 167

Thank You ............................................................................................................ 168

Introduction

Work sucks.

You hate your job and your boss is a credit-stealing jerk. He works you like a dog, plays you and

your Coworkers against each other, gives you the worst assignments, belittles you, ignores your

ideas and destroys what little self-esteem you have left.

Every day you go to work, your soul dies a little more.

Youre fed up with it but you dont know what to do. The company tells you if you work hard, youll get everything you ever wanted but deep down inside, you know it isnt true.

Its time to take a short cut. You're going to leapfrog over your Coworkers, you're going to manipulate your organization, and you're going to get the job that you deserve.

Sure, its not fair, but thats not what this book is about. If you want fair, every county has one. Theres at least one a year. They have cows.

So put away your scruples, put on your game face and get ready.

Its time to steal your bosss job.

The Secrets Your company doesnt want you to know

Your Horrible Boss

If you bought this book, you probably think your boss is an evil bastard. Guess what? Odds are,

youre probably right. Most of them are. Its not really their fault. They are the creation of a corrupt corporate system that takes bright young minds and turns them into bitter, cynical

machines of mediocrity and intimidation.

That's doesnt mean there arent any good ones, just that theyre incredibly rare. The great bosses inspire you to be better then you are, to learn your industry, to build the company and to help

others grow. When you have this type of boss, you know it. They are as rare as an honest

politician.

I knew a CIO who fit this description. He promoted based on ability, protected his team, and

mentored at every level. When he told you something, you knew it was true. He was loyal to his

team, intelligent, perceptive, gave credit freely and shielded us from the constant attacks from

other groups.

He was the best type of boss. When you work for someone like this, youll learn more about the business world in a year than most people learn in their entire careers. Our team was happy and

productive, we were paid well, and we had the respect of the rest of the organization.

If you work for someone like that, enjoy it while it lasts. Learn everything you can, shadow his

footsteps, ask his advice and use your time with him wisely, because he wont be there long. Hes a Ladder Climber, heading up to bigger and better things. Hes going to get promotion after promotion, raise after raise, and people will always want to give him more responsibility.

You wont have to worry about getting him out of your way because by the time you are ready to take his job, he is already moving out of the way into a new position. Leaders like this rocket to

the top and theres always space behind them. You see them on the cover of Forbes and Fortune, succeeding everywhere they go.

Youre more likely to see a Unicorn.

Most people never work for someone like this. Dont feel badly. In all my years in the corporate world hes the second one Ive seen. Think about that for a second. In multiple decades in multiple Fortune 50 companies Ive seen exactly two.

Most people report to someone who is almost the exact opposite of this. They have what Im going to label a Horrible Boss.

Usually, you can tell if you have a Horrible Boss. Hopefully youll know from the moment you meet him. He is cruel, condescending and dumb as a brick but that doesn't stop him from

micro-managing you every moment of every day.

In some ways, its good to have a boss like this. You know he is a Horrible Boss and you wont have any qualms in doing what needs to be done to get rid of him. Hell leave a giant swath of destruction in his wake and the company will be better off when hes gone.

But what if its less obvious? Some types of Horrible Bosses masquerade as successful leaders and you wont find out the truth until its too late. They repeat the standard lies that everyone else in management says. Trite phrases like We promote from within, hard work will get you there and I'm grooming you for bigger things! flow from his lips. Maybe he even believes them.

Its even worse if he does.

This guy is the especially dangerous because you believe him. Next thing you know, years have

passed and youre no better off than when you first started.

So how can you tell you have a bad boss? Well, one simple way is to ask how long your boss has

had the same job. Most of the time, a really good boss is so valuable to the organization that he is

given more responsibility and moved up the chain to bigger and better things. If he is

stonewalled, he goes to another company that can provide him the chance of greater success.

Not your boss. Instead of moving up in the organization, your boss has stagnated. His last

promotion was years ago and hes never going any higher. He has been promoted to his highest level of incompetence and is barely hanging on. This boss wont ever leave unless you move him out yourself.

Hes hardly the worst though...

The 9 Types of Horrible Bosses

It would be so much easier if Horrible Bosses wore signs letting you know how bad they were,

but sadly, they dont. They come in all shapes and sizes: male, female, black, white, polished and rough, plus everything in between. Appearance doesnt tell you anything actions are all that matters.

Throughout the course of the book, were going to reference the 9 major types of bosses. Theyre all evil and to plan your campaign against them, you need to be able to identify them. Here, for

your consideration are the 9 types of Horrible Bosses:

The Psycho

The Psycho is the easiest to identify. Shes nuts. One day shes your best friend and the next shes screaming at you. You walk on eggshells, never knowing whats going to set her off. She makes your life a living hell and everyone is terrified of her.

Shes easy to identify because she is erratic, unpredictable and every word out of her mouth trumpets how crazy she is. She tries to control even the smallest details of her team and the

slightest failure sends her into a towering rage. This paranoid whack-job thinks everyone is out

to get her and constantly scrutinizes your every action to find and expose your flaws.

Fortunately for you, she does this to everyone. Since theres only so much time in the day, she cant spend all of it on you, but the flipside is her team will self-destruct. They spend so much time checking over their work their output plummets. When the rest of the organization sees how

little gets done, they blame the group, not the boss and your groups reputation suffers. You become seen as lazy, stupid, or even worse. Occasionally, this insanity will even reach the senior

leadership team but more frequently she skillfully blames the idiots who work for her.

So, why does she still have a job? The simple reason is the Psycho is actually really good at

something. For example, she may be a technology expert or have deep knowledge of your new

accounting system. Either way, senior management didnt hire her for her personality. They hired her to do a specific job, but shes so good that theyve been forced to promote her or lose her.

Because shes nuts, she will never rise above middle management and as the years go by without further advancement, she will become more and more bitter. She cant blame herself and the only other explanation is her team.

The good news is that everyone thinks of her pretty much the same way. Everyone from her

direct reports to the Senior Leadership Team will start to see her as a loose cannon. Although her

attitude will eventually be her downfall, shes a huge risk and can ruin your reputation and delay your career development for years.

The Jealous Girlfriend

At first, you think this boss is great. He spends time with you on all your projects, brings you

everywhere he goes and constantly tells you he is your biggest champion. He will tell you he is

grooming you for leadership and at first seems like a really good guy. All this will end if you start to work with other groups. Overnight he becomes spiteful and sabotages all your other

relationships. Next thing you know, youre isolated in the company and its just the two of you.

If he had his way, he would make sure you never left. He wont promote you because he believes the team should stay together. He may promise that youll get his job when he moves up. The problem is, he won't ever leave because he spends too much time in his comfort zone.

Instead of working with Senior Leaders like his boss and other higher-ups, he spends most of his

time with his small circle of employees. He will obsess over the future of the team but fears the change any advancement would bring.

The worst part about this type of Horrible Boss is that he will actively try to stop you from

becoming successful. The Jealous Girlfriend believes that if he cant have you, no one can. Therefore, if you try to leave, he will do everything in his power to sabotage you, for your own

good, of course.

He truly believes the only path to success is through him and any time you spend on outside

projects is seen as a personal rejection. You will have a much harder time moving ahead because

he will destroy your reputation with his peers as soon as you give the slightest inkling that you

might want to do something else.

The worst aspect of this type of boss is that if you try to sever the relationship with him, you will

have to deal with the awkward break up. You know that girl that mopes around after her office

affair goes south? Well, the Jealous Girlfriend is 1000 times worse. He will try to exact revenge,

ruin your reputation and more. The only way to beat this boss is to appease him until you can get

rid of him. Otherwise, he becomes mopey and can pull you down with him.

The Moron

This boss is a complete and utter fool. He makes no sense, he has no idea whats happening in the company, but he thinks hes a genius. This boss is especially dangerous because he will fail spectacularly and blame it on you.

Typically what has gone wrong here was a senior leader was snowed during an interview or had

to fill the job as a favor to someone. The Moron drops all the buzzwords and when you met him

you might have thought he knew what he was doing.

It wont be long before your team realizes he has no idea whats going on. The next group to be aware will be his Peers but they won't be able to do anything, nor would they even if they could.

Theyll see him as a lightning rod and an obvious scapegoat. Hes the perfect person to blame when anything goes wrong because hes too stupid to be able to defend himself and has no idea why things went wrong.

His hiring manager may figure out what a horrible decision it was, but remember, they are the

ones who made the decision to bring him on board. They dont want to believe their own judgment is flawed and keep making excuses for why this person fails. They will blame the

Morons team for his failures.

The Moron will support him in this. He wholeheartedly believes that his team is failing because

they are incompetent. Everyone who will listen will hear him complain about how hard he works

and how difficult his team is to manage. Since most people wont know who you are, that means

you will be lumped in with a bunch of losers. This is the last thing you want and it can destroy

your immediate career prospects.

The only way to beat this type of boss is to be the star of the show. You have to distance yourself

from this person, the farther the better.

The Aristocrat

These bosses are often younger but they think youre barely worthy to polish their shoes. They brag about their Ivy League degrees, their chalet in Zurich and their parents who serve on the

companys board. They treat their position as a stepping-stone to greater things and you as a peasant whose existence is necessary, but barely tolerable.

This is one of the most insecure types of bosses although the Psycho comes close. Because they bought their position, they are constantly trying to prove they deserve it, regardless of all

evidence to the contrary. They ask detailed yet irrelevant questions in meetings to show off their

knowledge and will criticize you publically for insignificant mistakes.

One of the worst things you can do to this type of boss is to make a fool of him in public. It

doesnt matter if youre right or wrong or even if you meant it. You better back down immediately or he will go out of his way to destroy you.

On the other hand, they do have one advantage over the other types of bosses. They have

connections and ambition. Sometimes these guys will move on quickly, not because theyre Ladder Climbers but because theyre convinced they deserve something better. As long as better means another company, that is a good thing.

The Bully

This boss plays favorites and if you dont kiss his ass, you will find yourself pushed off to the side and ignored. Plum projects go to the people who flatter him and agree with everything he

says. Any resistance is met with absolute destruction.

Sometimes this is a newly promoted individual who is just flexing his managerial muscles. Other

times, hes just a jerk. Whatever the problem, every day at work is like high school. All promotions go to his friends, both inside the company and out. Hes cliquish and smug. Hes intimidating and may even have his leadership cowed. If he has brought in his cohorts, you end

up having to placate an entire group, not just him.

The worst aspect of the bully is he always has a preferred punching bag employee. When things

go wrong (as they always will) the bully is prepared. He never admits making a mistake. Why

would he? He already has a good target to blame. The same people take the fall over and over

again even if they were only remotely involved.

As you become a better Ladder Climber, you will learn the tricks to stand up to him and make

him afraid of dealing with you. Your transitional goal will be to make it so difficult for him to

pick on you that its just not worth his time. Hell have to find an easier target. Bullies never pick on the people who fight back. They prefer the weak so you will need to become strong.

While this is satisfying, it is not the final outcome with this type of boss. Your end goal will be to

get him fired. It takes work and determination but theres nothing more satisfying than seeing him make the walk of shame out of the building. Feel free to cheer.

The Roadblock

This boss is almost always in mid-level management. Hes been with the company for more than a decade isnt going anywhere. Hes comfortable in this position and fears change. When you come to him with your fresh ideas and thoughts on how to improve things, youll be shut down hard. Hell tell you its too difficult, too radical, or just a bad idea. Remember, he only wants to mark time until he can get his retirement. Anything that threatens that will be harshly dealt with.

That isnt the worst part though. The real problem with this boss is that he doesnt care about promotion. He isnt ambitious. He is perfectly happy to stay at that level until he retires. He wont understand that you dont want to spend the next 15 years waiting for something to happen, that you want more. Any attempt you make to learn more or to increase your value to the

company will be seen as useless, therefore why do it? Better to stay where you are and be happy

with your lot in life. After all, he is happy, why cant you be?

His Peers will love him since he isnt a threat. He supports them, doesnt try to take credit for anything outside his domain and is probably very good at his job. As a result, he is often strongly

supported by the company leadership as well. The senior leaders may know him by name and

praise his detailed knowledge. You can't get him fired he does a good job. You can't get him to leave he doesn't want to. But, as long as he is in your way, you can't get anywhere.

To get him out, you will need to learn how to get the attention of management even in a group

that doesnt normally get attention. Otherwise a leader like this can effectively make you into a corporate drone who will wake up twenty years later in the same boring job doing the same daily

routine.

The Politician

You cant trust a word she says. Everything that comes out of her mouth is designed to create an impression, not convey information. Every piece of data is massaged and spun to put her and

only her in the best light. She will take your ideas and champion them as her own while

convincing you that she's doing you a favor, that her highest goal is to further your career.

She will promise you a great deal, but when the time comes to deliver she will give you lots of

reasons why its your fault that you didnt get the reward. Because she is willing to lie, many Peons believe her and trust in her. She can often create a supportive team that may never catch

on to her tricks.

On the other hand, her peers will be aware of her duplicity much earlier. Because some of them

are Ladder Climbers, they will notice someone like her. Keep your ear out for rumors of lying,

cheating, fake emails, that sort of thing. If she lies to one group, she will lie to another.

Remember, the Politician is always trying to get ahead and is willing to lie to cover her tracks. If

her peers don't trust her, you shouldnt either.

Discovering your manager is a Politician is one of the most disheartening and demotivating

things you can have happen in a job. Politicians know just what to say to keep you happy, so you

arrive at work pumped, ready to take on the world, but all your motivation is built on a

foundation of lies.

The problem is, when someone is willing to lie, they can say anything. They can promise you a

raise but when it doesnt happen, its not their fault. Theyll tell you the company couldnt afford it. They can promise you a bonus but when you dont get it, its not their fault. They fought for you. They promise promotions, advancement, credit and glory but only because they know its what you need to hear if youre going to work hard for them.

The problem with a Politician is that you can't get them fired. They are too careful to get caught.

Everyone may know they lie, but no one can prove it. Nothing is in writing; everything is said in

the hallway or over lunch. If they do put something in writing, its so vague as to be useless.

Therefore, its rare to see them fired outright. Instead, when enough of the right people realize your boss is a liar, they will position the Politician to be laid off or will make things

uncomfortable enough that they leave on their own. Because Politicians are so hyper-sensitive to

other people, they are one of the easiest bosses to get rid of. They will sense the change in the

wind and will be long gone before it gets too bad.

The Losing Coach

This type of boss wants to make you believe hes there to help you. He will constantly tell you what you cant do and why you need his help. He will encourage you to get certifications, training, anything that makes you believe you need to grow or improve and that you need him

to help you. He lives and breathes to help but the people beneath him find there is always one more step, another thing he needs to teach them, that he just needs more time...

The Losing Coach sees his team as the problem and himself as the instructor. He is great at

pointing out your flaws and shortcomings, designing your career path, and providing you with

training. In fact, hes great at everything except actually helping you.

The Losing Coach doesn't really want anyone to be successful he feeds on peoples need. The more help you require, the happier he is. As a matter of fact, he is likely to throw you into areas

in which you don't excel under the pretense of helping you gain valuable skills.

Are you a terrible public speaker? Don't be surprised if he puts you up in front of a large group.

Is doing reports where you really shine? You won't be assigned a report while you work for him.

In general, he keeps everyone down by focusing on what they can't do and avoiding what they

can do. His goal is to make you think that you aren't good enough and that you need him.

Further, he will propagate this view of you throughout the organization. The biggest problem

with this is that when the only exposure the Senior Management Team has to you is when you

fumble around at the podium, stumbling over your words, how can they view you as one of their

equals?

This is another boss that you will have to find a way to work around. For him, the relationship

you build with his boss will eventually become his downfall. When they see how excellent you

really are, theyll realize he isn't leading the team hes holding them back. With work, you can ensure hes marginalized, exposed, and eventually laid off.

The Chimera

If more than one of these descriptions seems to fit your boss, it is possible that you have the

worst and most Horrible Boss of all, the Chimera. These people are ruthless, will use any dirty

trick in the book to try to get ahead. They know about Ladder Climbers and they know it isn't

just taking management classes and getting degrees. The problem is, they don't know what really

works.

Instead, they desperately try every dirty trick in the book. Theyll lie, threaten, manipulate, and cajole, anything to get ahead. They will destroy a team and do whatever they can to get ahead.

Unfortunately, they can also take you down with them. I know, because I have been there.

I was a young Software Development Manager, a natural Ladder Climber at a Fortune 50

company and things were going extremely well for me. I had a team of 40 people working for

me, was making six-figures and had just won CIO Magazines 50/50 award for one of the top 50 B2B websites in the country. I thought I was the coolest thing to walk the face of the Earth. I was

not.

I hadnt learned all the tips and tricks I know today and I was still a bit green. My boss was a Bully who used fear and intimidation to keep us in line and Id just learned hed decided to move on. Today, I would have just taken his job but back then I didn't know how and instead, the

Senior Leaders filled the position with a woman from outside our organization. I held out hope

that I would get one of the elusive great managers.

At first, it seemed like I had. The first thing our new VP did was to meet with all the managers.

After our first 1-on-1, I thought she was great. She was smart, funny, listened to what I had to

say, took my suggestions seriously and really motivated me to work hard to get ahead. She got

along with others in the organization and seemed to be supporting her team. I thought things

were going to go well.

I was a fool.

There were so many signs Id missed, so many tells that in hindsight were blindingly clear. One of the biggest signs was that she was much older than most of her team but hadn't moved up

that far yet. When there is no good explanation for such slow progression up the management

ladder, its usually a good sign that your boss isn't a Ladder Climber.

Another way to tell was that she only spoke with people she thought could help her. Real Ladder

Climbers realize that people throughout the organization are necessary but a Horrible Boss think

that they can ignore the Peons without consequence. They are wrong.

But that's the problem with teaching yourself to be a Ladder Climber. You have to learn from

other people's dirty tricks and from your own mistakes. In this case, I learned a lot.

It turned out that she wasn't just one type of Horrible Boss, she was a Chimera. She used the lies

of the Politician. She added new positions and filled them like a Bully. If you tried to give her

any feedback she would attack in a way that would make a Psycho proud. In short, she was the

worst of all the groups. Before she was done, shed gotten rid of the person whod hired her, taken his job and decimated his entire organization.

I was one of the casualties. Within six months, I held a letter from Human Resources telling me

that Id resigned. When I pointed out I hadnt resigned, they handed me another piece of paper, a promise of a $2000 severance if I promised never to reveal the terms of the agreement. I didn't

sign it what Id learned was too important not to share.

She had more tricks and lies than anyone I have ever seen. Granted, her methods are self-

destructive and only provide short-term gain but I learned to recognize them. I never make the

same mistake twice.

What eventually did her in was that she became too confident. She strove for and often got more

power but everywhere she went, she created an army of enemies. Although her unethical

practices were missed by many of the Peons and even some of her peers, they became more

apparent as she moved up the management chain. No one wanted someone that dangerous

around.

Eventually, the CEO got rid of her but it took more than a year. After all, she hadn't actually

done anything wrong. Sure, she was manipulative and unethical, but since she didn't actually

violate any laws or company policies, she was also untouchable. So he created a whole new

group for her to run, put her in charge of it and then shut it down a short time later. Effectively,

he terminated her without actually firing her.

Of course, if I could go back in time, she never would have had a chance to get the job. I would

have taken The Bullys job and she never would have been hired.

But that's the thing with Horrible Bosses. They will stay as long as you let them. If you don't do

anything about them, chances are that they will ruin your career and the careers of everyone on

your team. That was the last time I failed to act in time.

There Is A Silver Lining

No matter what type of Horrible Boss you have, there is one good thing about each and every

type. They all have weaknesses and all can be destroyed. There are plenty of people who have

removed a boss just like yours and gone on to take his job.

You are now on to him. Your Horrible Boss isn't going to be there much longer. All you need to

do is choose to Steal his Job.

There IS an Easy Way to Climb the Corporate Ladder

To put it simply, Peons think the company gives out promotions. Ladder Climbers know thats a lie.

If you want to get ahead at your current company, corporate dogma says that you should start by

telling your Boss. He will respond with what experience, classes, and certifications are required

to get to the next level. Sometimes you will have these new tasks added to your regular workload

and other times they will expect you to complete these things on your own time.

It sounds reasonable. You say you want to get ahead and they tell you exactly what to do. But

there is one added thing that managers around the world at all companies, big and small add to

the conversation that makes it all a lie. The one thing is the short disclaimer at the end of the list

of things you need to do. Even if you do everything they ask, no promotion can be guaranteed.

Lets say that again. Even after you do everything they ask, they won't guarantee that you will get promoted.

Right there, you know that nothing on that list really matters. If all of these items were required

and if these things made you a better, more capable manager, you could simply take the courses

and have the experience and ability necessary, the next time a position opened up. But that isn't

what they said. Instead, you were given a list of thing to keep you busy and then clearly told that

these things would not give you a promotion.

If you ask about it, you will get an even less specific answer. The generic corporate answer is

that its impossible to know what will happen, exactly what skills they need, what direction the company will grow and so on. But if you ask point-blank, If the position I want opened up tomorrow and I had completed all these classes, would I get the job? You will never get a Yes.

No one with a brain would ever promise something that specific. Why not? Because they arent that stupid. They know that all the classes, training courses and management off-sites wont make you promotable.

So how do you get promoted? Well, sadly, you wont find the answers in any management class, annual review or Human Resources (HR) handout. The books out that tell you how to find your

cheese or move from good to great are wonderful as long as your goal is to anesthetize the Peons

and keep them from revolting.

These incredibly successful books are full of advice that will ensure you stay pacified your entire

career. Why do you think theyre so popular? As soon as they came out, management latched on to them and gave copies to all their employees. They tell you how to roll with the punches,

accept change and be the person your company needs.

Yet, there are things that every Ladder Climber does that work in every organization, from small

Mom & Pops shops to Fortune 50 companies. The problem is, no one wants to talk about it. And

to be fair, why would they?

Remember, Ladder Climbers want to get promoted. People who cause waves dont get advanced. So why in the world would they tell people how things really work? All its going to do is stir up trouble. The smart ones keep it to themselves and dont even tell their Coworkers. Again, why would they? In the best case scenario, there now have more competition. In the

worst case scenario, they can get fired.

So we all say the same thing. With great sincerity and humility I used to tell people I got my

promotions through hard work and a bit of luck.

What else would I say?

Yeah, I saw the entire corporate structure was a lie and figured out how to game it. Care to join me?

Its easier to put out a simple story that everyone already wants to believe. The company supports this story because it makes them look like hard work is rewarded and lets face it, thats the goal. The Peons want to believe it because it gives them hope and middle management wants

to believe it because it allows them to take some small part of the Ladder Climbers success.

The thing is, theres very little luck involved. The Ladder Climbers all know it (although they won't ever admit it out loud) and you probably already suspected it.

Have you ever had someone in your organization everyone said was a superstar? You know the type. He was hired after you, was promoted two or three times in the course of only a few

years and you just cant figure out why. He doesn't work more hours than you do, as a matter of fact he works less. He's not smarter than you are. And he certainly doesn't have seniority. Well,

there is a real reason why he is doing so well. He knows how to get his bosss job, but he's not going to tell you that.

And I don't blame him. When I was in the corporate world, I never would have given out this

information. I mentored people and never mentioned any of this to them. Sure, I may have

discussed one of my small coups with my wife, but why would I arm my competition within my

own organization? Not to mention the fact that admitting to using the corporate culture to my

advantage could tarnish my image and possibly hurt my promotability.

Many of these tactics arent exactly playing nice and dont fit into the culture most companies want you to believe they have. Sure they fit the way the culture really is, but they don't fit the

way everyone pretends the company really is. The Senior Management Team knows its all a giant lie, but they cant SAY that. Neither can you. You have to pretend you agree wholeheartedly.

But now, I have people asking me how I did it, how I rose to the top and then got out. So, why

not share. What do I care? Use this information as you will. Have fun. Go get rich.

And you certainly can get rich. Ladder Climbers get to the top fast, and even if you think you

have fallen behind, it is easy to catch up. As a matter of fact, it's possible to get 3 and 4

promotions in less than five years, within the same company.

Let me repeat that for emphasis.

Within the SAME company.

The reason is that once you learn how the system works, its a giant game. Stealing your boss's job isn't an atypical result it is the expected result. A Ladder Climber expects to be the superstar. He doesn't expect anyone to realize what he's doing. The reason is that while you are using tricks and manipulating your organization, your promotions and advancements will appear

organic and natural. When the Peons congratulate you on your success, it will be sincere and

heartfelt.

And youll be inside a world you never imagined.

These Secrets Are One Size Fits All

It doesn't matter if you are male, female, a minority or a WASP. One of the best parts of Ladder

Climbers is that they come in all shapes and sizes. Sure, some are middle-aged white guys, but

many are not. Oddly enough, becoming a Ladder Climber is more of an equal opportunity

endeavor than any other way of getting promoted. Once you decide to control your own fate,

youre on the road to success.

If you are waiting for someone else to take the lead and give you a promotion, you can be held

back by their racist ideas, homophobic feelings or sexist attitudes. Why let them make such an

important choice for you?

A Ladder Climber can be anyone. Sometimes its the young, up-and-coming guy just out of college. This is the guy the company will later boast is the youngest CEO in the Fortune 500.

Other times, the person is an older woman who is returning to the workplace after having a few

kids. Later, they will feature her in their company newsletter as an example of how successful

women can become, with the tag line that she is working on growing her career after growing her family.

It doesn't matter how old you are, how much experience you have or what you look

like. Anyone can do this. As a matter of fact, the first time a friend of mine stole her boss's job

she was only an intern at a Fortune 100 technology company.

Her boss, an experienced manager with over 20 years at the company left on vacation for three

weeks. She was temporarily assigned to a more Senior Leader and given a trivial project to

participate on. By the time he returned, everyone had forgotten that she was an intern (she had

failed to mention it to anyone) and she was in charge of rolling out an international deployment

of a new technology project.

After everyone realized what had happened, there was nothing left to do but let her finish the

project and the internship. No one wanted to admit that they had allowed a project like that to be

run by an inexperienced intern.

The fact is that anyone can be a Ladder Climber. Every type of person has been. It just doesnt matter. My friend didn't do anything illegal to get her position. She just took opportunities that

others never saw or were too scared to assume. She took responsibility when others would have

asked permission and when there were more senior people available. In short, she just took her

boss's job because he wasn't around.

However, not everyone is willing to do it, or will even think of it. When the other interns heard

the type of project she had received, there was a lot of frustration and jealousy. People

complained it wasn't fair. They wanted to know why they weren't told this type of job was

available. They wanted to know how to get an internship like she had. They wanted something

no one would ever give. The only way to get these types of roles is to take them. There was no

opportunity until she took it. Who knows what other things the interns could have done had they

not been acting like Peons.

So, there is no excuse. Nothing about you is holding you back. If a twenty year old girl can take

over a major project in the male dominated technology division of a Fortune 100 company, you

really have no excuse. You just have a decision to make and its a simple one.

Are you going to control your destiny or not?

If you don't make the decision yourself, someone else will make it for you.

Does Your Company Think Youre a Peon?

So, let's say you choose not to be a Ladder Climber. Lets say you want to be like so many people Ive known and wait to get noticed. What does that make you? The Senior Leadership recognizes those people who are moving to get ahead. And they can certainly identify the people

that won't.

The Ladder Climbers get into an organization and keep getting promotions, recognition and

rewards. Management sees these people as the leaders of the tomorrow, the individuals they will

personally be working with more and more. Ladder Climbers are the guys that say hello to the

Senior Leaders in the hall, always seem to know who's working on what and appear to be a force

in the organization.

On the other hand, there are the Peons. Frankly, management has no idea who these people really

are. All they know is that these people get paid the lowest of anyone, have repetitively boring

jobs, and make the company work.

Without them, sure the company wouldn't exist, but if you dont know someone's name, how can you believe that what they do is really important? The Peons are the workhorses of the

organization but they aren't management material.

Lets face it these two classes of employees are treated very differently. There are those that are treated well, the Ladder Climbers that get the promotions, the raises, the money, the cushy

jobs and the easy projects. And then there are the rest.

The Peons that do the day-to-day work, get paid badly and are seen as disposable. They may be

the best at what they do and are the ones that make the projects succeed. They work weekends

and nights, getting the work done and making the projects really happen, but other than a small

reward, like a $100 gift certificate to some local restaurant, they never get what they deserve.

Why? Because they are thought of as Peons. The belief is that these people dont have what it takes to move up the corporate ladder and take the next step. They are treated as though they are

less valuable and can be replaced.

The good news is that even if you have been pigeonholed into this category you can get out.

There are plenty of Ladder Climbers that started off as dedicated Peons. Then, for whatever

reason, their lives changed. Maybe they were passed over one time too many. Maybe there was

an unexpected child in the family and they need the money. Maybe they just want more job

security. Whatever it is, it is possible and even easy to change from Peon to Ladder Climber.

Do You Have What It Takes?

Maybe youre feeling a twinge of conscience. Maybe you think its wrong, or even mean to do play games like these at work just to get ahead.

Think again.

If your boss received an email tomorrow that said he needed to fire you, do you think hed put his job on the line and tell his boss to go screw himself?

Of course not.

Any boss would fire you. If he is a Politician, he will go as far as to spin it to make it look like it

was his idea in the first place. He would brag it was a great cost-saving measure and youd be gone that day.

That happens every day in the corporate world. Every layoff that you hear about wasn't an

accident. It was made by an individual who thought it would be better for himself or the company if those people were gone. Your Horrible Boss is one of these people.

And why would he do anything else? Most people stay at a job between two and three years.

Thats it. Do you really think that someone youve only known for a year is going to put his job on the line to keep your around? Why would they? After all, they don't expect you to stay that

long anyway. No matter what he says, he doesnt have your back. Theres no reason for you to have his.

You know he would be willing to cut you to do his job. Do you realize he will also cut you to get

more money, a promotion or a bonus? Plenty of Horrible Bosses use layoffs as an excuse to

reduce their department, reduce their budget and get themselves a nice bonus. It happens every

day.

So now, if you want to get ahead, you have to be willing to make the hard decision. Right now, you have a Horrible Boss and hes standing in your way. If he were in your shoes, he would have you out in a heartbeat. So, why are you hesitating?

Then again, if you dont have the stomach for this, you probably arent ready for management anyway.

Always, Keep Your Mouth Shut!

You may think this goes without saying but youd be surprised. Once you decide youre going to move forward and become a Ladder Climber, never, and I mean NEVER tell anyone. Never

mention that you are going to oust your Horrible Boss, never tell anyone youre manipulating the system and never tell anyone gunning for your bosss job.

But wait, you say. My good buddy Scooter would never say anything.

Yeah? Your good buddy Scooter may come into a position where he has to make a choice

between his friendship with you and that nice fat promotion. Im sorry, but you wont even be a blip on his radar if that happens. Scooter wants to keep his house, his car, and his wife.

Therefore, keep this piece of information to yourself, at least for now. If word gets around that

you read this book or plan to become a Ladder Climber, there will be one person who will use it

against you. Thats your Horrible Boss. What do you think he would do if word gets back to him?

That also means you shouldnt say anything when people lie to you. Its going to be hard. In the coming chapters Im going to let you in on some secrets about how your company is manipulating you.

When your Horrible Boss tells you one of these lies, when the Senior Leaders give the troops a

pep talk and you know the techniques theyre using, youre going to want to say something. Youll want to call them out, tell everyone you know whats really going on, that its all a tissue of lies. Dont do it.

First of all, no one will believe you. Remember, people want to believe their bosses are good

people. They consider themselves perceptive, clever, intelligent and possessing perfect judgment.

If they were, the corporate lies wouldnt work. But you cant tell them. Theyll just be angry and that wont further your career.

Dont blame them. Its just human nature. If they cant blame themselves and or their leaders, whos left? Thats right. You. Theyll say youre just bitter and dont understand the business world.

You cant tell the liar either. Thats self-evident and while it may drive you nuts when you hear the lies they spew, just remember, youre going to beat them at their own game. Youre going to use their lies against them and take their jobs. This is the time for discretion. Keep your eye on

the prize you want their jobs, not three minutes of satisfaction.

So keep your mouth shut. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't tell anyone youve read this book.

The 8 Things You Probably Think Are True, But Arent

One of the reasons its hard to advance in large corporations is because people are basing their decisions on false information. The lies are pervasive to the point of propaganda. The Senior

Leaders say them, the managers repeat them and the employees believe them.

The problem with these lies is that they are almost universally believed, from the Peons through

the management chain. Only after you get to the upper echelon of a company do you realize just

how ridiculous some of these beliefs actually are, and by then, you dont need to be told they are lies. You might not think this makes sense, so let me give you an example that may help clarify

things.

Remember when you were a little kid and thought that your dog went to live on a farm when he

got old? How long did that belief persist? How old were you before you realized the truth? I had

a friend who was in his late 20s when it finally hit him Spot hadnt gone to a farm at all! So why didnt he realize it earlier? Hes a bright guy it should have been obvious.

The reason was he heard the lie when he was young and no one ever challenged it. So he

continued on his merry way, happy that Spot was living a full and rich existence someplace in

the countryside of Massachusetts. When the truth was revealed (accidentally by his brother), he

was crushed and felt like an utter fool. So it is with the corporate lies. Youre told them the day you start and unless someone challenges you, you just believe them.

So why do they lie? Is there a purpose? Sure. If youre a little child whose dog has died, your parents want to protect you. They hope they can shield you from pain and by the time you realize

the truth, youll be old enough to handle it. Corporations do not have these altruistic intentions.

One of the main reasons the lies exist is to make you work harder. When people believe they

have control of their careers, that if they apply themselves enough, theyll advance, they work like slaves. Think about it do you come in early and leave late so you can stay in the same position for 10 years? Of course not, that would be absurd. You work hard because you think

that you will be noticed and that your hard work will be rewarded.

The problem is, your goals dont further the companys aims. This may seem counterintuitive, but bear with me.

There is only one reason for the company to exist and thats to make money. Let me repeat this for emphasis.

THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON YOUR COMPANY EXISTS AND THATS TO MAKE MONEY.

How does promoting the work force make the company more money? Think about it for a

second. If every single employee stagnated and stayed in the same job for 20 years, taking all the

training courses, becoming more and more skilled, the company would be wildly successful.

However, as soon as someone gets a promotion, their work output slows down.

Since theyre in a new position, they cant possibly be as successful in it as they were in their old one they just dont have the same level of experience. Plus, now someone has to be trained to fill the old position. From a strictly fiscal perspective, its cheaper to hire from outside and just train one person.

Now, expand this out a bit and youll realize the stock holders and board of directors dont care how satisfied, happy, and secure their employees are, except in how it affects their productivity.

Anything that a business does to help its employees MUST be done because it is more profitable

than the alternative replacing the employee. However, when employees talk about companies they often mention how great a company is to work for, how much they care about their employees etc. This doesnt mean these things are real. If a company needs to lay off 100,000 employees, they do it. If they need to cut salaries, they cut them. If they need to fire

troublemakers, they fire them.

Once you look at your company like this, the lies become much more obvious. Each lie is told to

make you work harder and the company more profitable. They work because there are small

elements of truth in each of them. As a result, everyone takes these lies as truth and no Ladder

Climber will ever reveal the truth for fear of the companys wrath.

Some of these youll already know and some will surprise you, but theres no point in avoiding talking about them any longer. Its time to learn where Spot went

Corporate Lie #1

You Are Being Groomed for a Promotion

This is probably the biggest corporate lie ever. Its used every day and everyone believes it, including the employees and even more pathetically, your Horrible Boss. It doesnt matter how many people earnestly tell you its true. Theyre wrong. Its always a lie. You may think it happens, you may hear people say it happens, you may even think it has happened to you. But, it

hasnt.

The concept of being groomed for a new position or a promotion is simple. The groom-ee is supposed to be getting the skills and experience necessary so that he or she can immediately

move into the position when it opens up. There are two fundamental suppositions at work here.

1. There is a position that will be open soon.

2. The person grooming you has the ability to put you in that position.

Your Horrible Boss is the one who tells you the first part of the lie. In many cases, the position

that the Horrible Boss is grooming you for is his own because he thinks hes going to be promoted soon.

This is flawed on many levels. To begin, the Horrible Boss cant promote you. The only way you can get his job is if he moves directly up and takes HIS bosss job. Youre counting on your lazy incompetent boss to pull it together long enough to get a promotion. If you know hes an idiot, dont you think his boss knows it too?

Next, to get the promotion, you have to start doing some of his work under the guise of

learning. Thats right, hes going to offload his work onto your shoulders and make you happy to have it! Now, youre working harder and doing his job with the promise of a position he cant grant.

Hey, lets say something does open up after youve been busting your ass, being groomed. Maybe your boss takes a new job outside the company or another position opens up. Since

youve had management support, youd expect to get it, right?

Wrong. By definition, if youre being groomed, youre not ready for the position. If you were ready, you wouldnt need grooming, right? So when a position opens up why would they give it to you?

It makes more sense to fill the position with someone who already knows what theyre doing, not a partially trained but eager low-level manager. And thats not unfair you already think youre not good enough to do the job.

So to sum up, you are working for a job your Horrible Boss cant give you while doing his work in the meantime. Of course, your Horrible Boss is grooming you.

This lie is easy to believe because we think we see it happen all the time. Weve all seen someone promoted who we heard was being groomed. But what did we really see? Lets look a little closer.

Lets say that Im a Horrible Roadblock of a Boss and I have an obvious Ladder Climber working for me. I have to protect my reputation and position, right? Im watching my Ladder Climber growing his skillset, building relationships with Senior Leaders, getting to know my

Peers and leading his Coworkers. I know hes going to get promoted soon and I need to retain control. So, what do I do? I groom him.

Its as simple as that. When someone is already an up-and-coming Ladder Climber, everyone wants to take credit for his success. As the old saying goes, Success has many fathers, while failure is an orphan.

But just because your Horrible Boss wants to take credit for someone elses success doesnt mean he can. You have to give him credit for trying through. It really is the perfect answer.

He gets to claim that whatever the Ladder Climber has accomplished is because of his expert

tutelage and mentoring. By claiming to be responsible for the Ladder Climbers success, he gives the Peons false hope. Now theyll work even harder, thinking the same thing can happen to them.

The thing is, a Ladder Climber can get promoted with or without his bosss help. He knows it and his boss knows it too. But the Horrible Boss cant admit that. He wants to look good in front of the Senior Management Team. So when the inevitable occurs and the Ladder Climber on his

team gets pulled to head another project, the only option left is to figure out a way to take the

credit.

He tells everyone who will listen that he was able to recognize talent and cultivate it, that his

tutoring and mentoring really paid off for the company. The Ladder Climber goes along with it

and never says otherwise. Why would he? His career doesnt advance by starting a feud with his old boss. Let the Horrible Boss continue in his delusion.

Of course, there is an obvious reaction from the Peons left behind. They just saw someone

promoted! What do you think theyll do next? Theyll clamor for the Horrible Boss to help them too! This is a great boon to any manager. Once his team believes he can groom them then he has just done a few things:

Your Horrible Boss has identified the Peons as people who cant make the leap without his help.

Your Horrible Boss can tell his boss and his peers that he is mentoring the Peons,

making any success they have his.

He establishes himself as better than the Peons, making it much more difficult for any

of them to be promoted to his peer.

And the worst part of all is since the Peons believe that he is a carrot dangling in front

of their nose they work harder for him!

Your Horrible Boss has now established that the Peons need his help, anything good they do is

because of him, moreover, his hard-working team makes him look good to his bosses.

If your Horrible Boss can pull this off, its a huge win.

As an added benefit, the Boss gets the full attention of the Peons. They now see him as their best

chance for career advancement and dont have time to work on the things that actually make

them promotable. Theyll labor under a false assumption and work diligently to get the promotion the Horrible Boss cant provide.

This happened to a friend of mine. He told me he was being groomed for the Directors position by a VP and expected hed get the promotion within six months. I was skeptical he was pretty new and the VP was well-known for promising things he couldnt deliver.

Somehow, every time an opportunity came, my buddy was passed over. There was always a

good excuse and other people were promoted around him while he remained a hard-working,

dedicated Peon. It took him a few years of working 70 hour weeks before he finally realized it

was never going to happen. Hed given everything he had to the job, neglected his wife and children and when the truth hit him, he shut down.

It wasnt long before he was shuffled off into a non-management position and finally downsized.

The reason this story is so awful is what happened a few months later. I was in a meeting with

the VP and heard him say that my friend had never been a serious candidate, that he was a good

worker but just didnt have the leadership ability.

Employees are used like this all the time. The road to the top is littered with the bodies of people

who thought they were being groomed when the right word would have be used.

Thats why this is the #1 corporate lie.

Corporate Lie #2

Management Classes / Degrees / Certifications Are Necessary To Get

Promoted!

Unless your field has a certification requirement (like passing the bar if you are a lawyer) all the

training classes in the world wont get you promoted. Sorry.

When companies promote someone, they want the employees to think it has been done fairly,

without bias. We have a very strong sense of whats fair and just. If a job opened up in your division and it was filled without anyone internally being given a chance, wouldnt you resent the hiring manager as well as the person they hired? After all, theyve been telling you for your whole career that your development is critical to the success of the company. Was that all a lie?

The thing you need to understand is that all the certifications and degrees in the world wont get you a job if the Senior Leadership team doesnt want you to have it. In addition, if they DO want you to have a job, the lack of certifications and degrees wont stop them from giving it to you.

But My Boss Says I Need It

Well, if your boss says you need the certification, then I guess you should probably get it No wait, its still a lie.

If your Horrible Boss doesnt want you promoted, its the perfect excuse. Its in keeping with the corporate culture of training the employees, shows you that you have a career path, gives you

something you can work toward and can delay you for years.

For a few years I worked as a project manager, a job that usually required a PMP Certificate

(Project Management Professional). I was in charge of rolling out billing software to Central and

South America for the largest international shipping company in the world. It was a tough

deployment with a ton of visibility and risk. Youd think the bosses would have required anyone in such a responsible position to have this ultra-critical certification, right? Wrong.

I never had one and no one ever asked me to get it. On the other hand, anyone inside who wanted

to join the project was told they had to have one. Why? We didnt want them. It was as simple as that. Even if theyd had their PMPs, they still wouldnt have been hired, but the lack of certification was an easy way to turn them down without a fight.

But It Says on the Job Description

Of course, if the job description says that you need a particular requirement, well then no its still not true.

Lets say some senior manager decides he wants Bob, his golfing buddy to get a position in the company. He cant just say, I like working with Bob and Im hiring him deal with it. That would be considered unethical and there would be a revolt. To keep the Peons happy, he has to

outwardly justify his decision. Granted, the Ladder Climbers already know about Bob and expect

him to get the job so they arent surprised.

Therefore, the Senior Leader has to write the job requirement so that the only person who could

possibly qualify is Bob. Lets say some hard working Peon with a Ph.D. and extensive qualifications is applying for the job and Bob didnt even graduate college. Well, guess what? A Ph.D. wont be required for the job. However, Bob speaks a bit of Russian and suddenly thats the deciding factor. Why? The Peons cant fight it. Its fair.

Have you ever seen a job description that lists ridiculously specific requirements? You know the

type; they say you need to have particular classes, years of experience, and more. By now, you

know what that means

It means youre not going to get the job.

The hiring manager already has someone in mind.

However, if it is more general, but still outlandish, then the Hiring Manager may just want to cull

the herd a bit. Specifically, he probably put some things on the job req. that eliminate anyone

internal from being qualified. Remember, corporations love to tell the Peons they promote from within and unless they want a revolution, they need to have an excuse. Keep your ears and eyes open for this sort of trickery it may not result in a promotion but it is always good information to have.

Corporate Lie #3

Human Resources Exists to Help You!

If you thought someone had cheated you and wanted to sue them, would you use their lawyer?

Of course not. Youd see it as a clear conflict of interest and rightly guess their loyalty was to the person signing their paycheck, not you.

So why do you trust HR to act in your best interests?

They have one function, and ONLY one function. They exist to protect the company from

lawsuits. Oh, they position themselves as employee advocates but dont be fooled.

HR is great if you want to get someone who works for you fired. Theyre horrible if you want to file a complaint or if youre an employee who needs help.

Ive used HR time and time again to get rid of someone. Theyre really good at it. They make sure all your Ts are crossed and all your Is are dotted so the person youre firing wont have a leg to stand on.

Before you write someone up, you go to HR and theyll tell you exactly what to say, how to phrase it so it has the most effect and minimizes the companys risk. Theyll help you build the case against your employee until its perfect. By the time the employee complains about you, and they will, its too late. Their credibility will be shot and youll look like the good guy.

Now, Im sure some of you are saying, No way! HR was great! My boss was being a jerk and they totally took care of me!

Fantastic. Thats an example of winning a battle and losing the war. HR can get involved to resolve a problem and from the employees point of view, everything went great. Theyll consider the matter closed and wont hear anything further.

This is not the same thing as going well. The damage you do to your career and your standing in the company is usually far worse than any minor matter youve resolved.

No One Gets Fired from an HR Complaint UNLESS

Here is an interesting test. Can you guess which of these employees got fired after being taken

to HR?

The Southern Racist: This woman grew up in the Deep South and every once in a

while something from her youth would pop out. She was in a meeting with a couple of

Coworkers, one of whom was black and was talking about how worried she was about

winning a contract. Not thinking at all, she said, Im sweating like a n****r on election day. The whole room froze and she realized what shed said. Her hand flew to her mouth and she started babbling apologies like crazy.

The Drunk Boss We were out at a bar after work, throwing back a few and our boss

was three sheets to the wind. He was complaining about how hard wed been working and said: Damn boy, until I started working here, I thought Manual Labor was a Mexican! His words met with some nervous laughter from most of the team and complete silence from our Hispanic team member.

The Explicit Boyfriend: The company discovered that an employee had sent sexually suggestive emails to his girlfriend using company email. He wrote things like, I want to put my disk in your computer and other relatively harmless things like that.

These three people were in very different situations and two wound up dealing with HR. Two of

them remained at work and one was walked out the door. Can you guess which one?

Heres what happened:

The Southern Racist - They sent her to sensitivity training and that was it.

The Drunk Boss - There were no repercussions of any kind

The Explicit Boyfriend Fired on the spot and walked to the door by security.

These arent hypothetical situations. I personally witnessed all three.

The moral of this story is if they want to fire you, any excuse will do. The guy that was fired had

actually sent the email nearly a full year earlier, but after a surprise email audit, he was gone.

The fact is, they could have ignored it or given him a slap on the wrist, but they wanted him out

and this was the perfect excuse. Had he been a Ladder Climber, he probably could have sent that

same note to one of his own employees and only received a verbal warning. Unfortunately he

was just a Peon and no one cared he was gone.

People seem to think that the best way to steal your bosss job is to destroy him using HR complaints.

This is 100% wrong.

No matter what youve heard, convincing HR that your Horrible Boss is sexist, racist, or homophobic wont get him fired. People believe this because were told its true. By HR, no less.

Youve probably been in the class on sexual harassment where youre told theres a zero tolerance policy on sexual harassment.

Yeah. Not true.

Its used to keep the Peons in line, but everyone else knows its a crock. If they like you, unless you get in a fist fight at work or run around naked shouting I HATE THE JEWS, all theyll do is send you to a class on sensitivity.

The only exceptions are where criminal charges could be brought. So, for example, if they catch

you stealing $100,000, it doesnt matter how popular youll be gone immediately, but thats not an HR issue, thats a Police issue.

Bearing this in mind, believe me when I say, HR is not your friend. In all my years in corporate

America and in countless discussions with endless numbers of senior managers, the same

conclusion is drawn. HR is not the Employees advocates. They dont care if things are fair. They exist for one thing and one thing only to make sure the company doesnt get sued.

Have you ever noticed that -

People who bring complaints to HR seem to get let go in the next layoff

its not just where you work.

7 Reasons Why a Ladder Climber NEVER Goes to HR

People think if they take their Horrible Boss to HR they are safe. Not true. Every action has a

response and going to HR is no different. Every Ladder Climber will tell you to stay as far away

from HR as possible for 7 reasons:

1. You are a problem and HR doesnt want to deal with problems. Lets face it, anyone going to HR was unable to handle the issue alone and is bringing in outside help. Youre creating additional work and who wants that? Even worse, the workers in HR know if the

issue is mishandled, the company runs the risk of being sued.

When you walk in the door to HR, you arent an employee who has been unfairly treated, youre a potential lawsuit. Sure, the person who youre complaining could be a jerk, but YOU are the risk. You are the one who could sue them, you are the one who could report

them, and you are the one who is the trouble maker. Is this fair? Is this in the corporate

handbook? The answer is no to both questions and if youre going to climb the ladder of success, you need to know this.

2. People will think youre a pain to work with. Problems with your Horrible Boss dont just reflect on your Horrible Boss. They also reflect on you. Many people have bosses

they dont like ok, MOST people have bosses they dont like, but they dont go running to HR every time they have a problem. Even if you have a real claim, the fact that you

werent able to manage the situation yourself will reflect poorly on you.

3. Your issue makes your bosss boss look bad. This might be counterintuitive, but stay with me. Lets say you have a problem with your boss and decide the only answer is to go to HR. Theyre going to go to HIS boss and will want to know why HE didnt solve the problem before it got to them. Is he a poor manager? Is he so unapproachable that one

of the people on his team couldnt go to him with a problem? Is he so disconnected from his team that he didnt even know about it? Now consider this How do you think he will feel about YOU after a meeting like that with HR? Do you think youll come across as someone he wants around?

4. HR is never private. Your boss, your bosss boss, and maybe even HIS boss are going to know about the problem. Its a simple issue of risk. If someone three levels below you had a problem that could lead to the company being sued, youd want to know, right? So now youve taken your problem to HR, theyve escalated up the chain and someone four levels above you is learning your name for the first time. Is this the way to get

ahead? Of course not. Do you really want your name associated with HR complaints?

The reasons may be forgotten but no one will want you around.

5. Your work environment is about to get vastly more hostile. Once people find out you

went to HR, their perception of you will change. You may find that your Bosss boss is more formal, other peers alienate you and management is less friendly. You have to

expect this. You turned in one of their own. You ratted someone out.

This means that you are loose cannon who will you attempt to destroy next with your lies? Will they fall into your crosshairs? Youre no longer someone they can trust. Sure, its not fair, but thats not what this book is about. If you want fair, every county has one. Theres at least one a year. They have cows.

6. Going to HR wont get you your bosss job. Even if he is fired for his offences, the powers wont promote you into his old position. It would be seen as a conflict of interest. Otherwise, theyd be flooded with false accusations.

7. It opens you up to being laid off. When a