How to Live in ParadiseAdvice for Prospective, New, and Disgruntled Professors

David Evanswww.cs.virginia.edu/evans/paradise

USENIX Security PhD Forum13 August 2015

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014 2015

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014 2015

San Diego

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014 2015

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014 2015

San Diego Washington

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014 2015

2014 2015

San Diego

March 2015

Encore, Reprise, or Retread?

2014

San Diego Washington

Yesterday

2014 2015

San Diego Washington

2014 2015

San Diego Washington

15 years of wisdom

2014 2015

San Diego Washington

15 years 15 + 1 years

Almost everyone hates their dissertation by the time they’re done with it. The process inherently tends to produce an unpleasant result, like a cake made out of whole wheat flour and baked for twelve hours. Few dissertations are read with pleasure, especially by their authors.

And aside from that, grad school is close to paradise. Many people remember it as the happiest time of their lives. And nearly all the rest, including me, remember it as a period that would have been, if they hadn't had to write a dissertation.

Paul Graham, Undergraduation

Grad Student = Paradise – dissertation

Professor’s Paradasical Paradox

And aside from that, grad school is close to paradise. Many people remember it as the happiest time of their lives. And nearly all the rest, including me, remember it as a period that would have been, if they hadn't had to write a dissertation. Paul Graham

+ dissertation + dissertation __________ _________________ Professor = Paradise

Professor “Real Job”

Work with whomever you want Work with obnoxious, incompetent people

Work on whatever you want Work on what your boss/customers want

Work whenever you want Work when your employer wants

Own your own work Employer owns you

Say what you want Say what your employer wants

Fail without consequences Failing gets you fired

If you get bored, can go do something else for a year Maybe you get 2 weeks vacation

If a professor’s position is such

paradise, why are so many professors

miserable?

Professor’s Paradasical Paradox

My meta-meta-advice: read/listen to lots of the second type, but ignore most of it

“Committee” Advice Individual Advice

Probably correct (lots of people agree on it)

Probably wrong (just one arrogant person’s opinion)

Generally agreeable (lots of people agree on it)

Usually disagreeable (everyone’s experience is different)

Always uninteresting (lots of people agree)

Often interesting (someone was motivated enough to write it)

Quiz!

Committee or Individual?

The truth is that no ideal strategy has yet been found, and that every approach has strengths and weaknesses. Given the current state of the art in this area, we are convinced that no one-size-fits-all approach will succeed at all institutions. Because introductory programs differ so dramatically in their goals, structure, resources, and intended audience, we need a range of strategies that have been validated by practice.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

ACM Computing Curricula 2001, Recommendations of the Joint ACM/IEEE Task Force on Computing Curricula

Edsger W. Dijkstra, How do we tell truths that might hurt?, 1975

Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Me

I’ve been extremely luckyI started my career back when everything was fun and easyI had no major responsibilities until well after tenure

plug book

dori-mic.orgA Tragicomic Tale of Combinatorics and Computability for Curious Children of All Ages

The BEST babies' book about computational universality I've read.Scott Aaronson

Reasons Why You Might Listen to Me

Reason #1

I’ve taught over half a million students, learned something from many of them, and many have gone on to do amazing things.

Reason #2I managed to become a tenured full professor without the ignominy of a single journal paper.

Reason #3

I believe enough in what I’m saying that I’m willing to buy anyone who wants more support/details/etc. a ridiculously expensive coffee to discuss it.

How to Spend

Your Time

time = values

How much should you Work?

Goal: no more than 10 hours per year

Goal: no more than 10 hours per year

Tenure-Track Dilemma

Things that Matter

Personally FulfillingIntellectually Satisfying

Socially Gratifying

Tenure-Track Dilemma

Things that Matter

Personally FulfillingIntellectually Satisfying

Socially Gratifying

Things that

“Count”

Things that Matter

Personally FulfillingIntellectually Satisfying

Socially Gratifying

The Real Situation

Things that

“Count”

Typical Grad Student’s Schedule

Typical New Professor’s Schedule

Typical New Professor’s Schedule

Block out time for family, exercise, sleep, funSchedule time for doing things that matter

Long, uninterrupted blocksTake real vacations!

Myth of Linear Payoff

Energy

Value

Real Payoff Curve

Energy

Value

“Trough of Mediocrity”

Energy

Value

Abyss of Embarrassment

Pinnacle of “Extraordinariness”

Trough of Mediocrity

How to Be an Extraordinary Teacher

Two Simple Steps!

1. Respect your student’s time

2. Focus on how you want to impact students five years from now, not on what they can do in 2.5 hours at the end of the semester

Aspire to do Better

What to Aspire To

Teaching != Grading

It is not your job to help employers filter students.

Picture: tru.ca

My Grading Scale

Gold Star – Excellent Work Green Star – Got most things I wantedSilver Star – Some serious problems

Average:

It is not your job to help employers filter students.

Unbounded Expectations!

- exceptional work- better than I thought possible- breakthrough! - deserve a Turing Award!

Raising Funds

21st October 1941

Dear Prime Minister,

Some weeks ago you paid us the honour of a visit, and we believe that you regard our work as important. … it seems to us that we have met with unnecessary impediments. …The cumulative effect, however, has been to drive us to the conviction that the importance of the work is not being impressed with sufficient force upon those outside authorities with whom we have to deal.

A.M. Turing (+ 3 others)Winston Churchill

ACTIONTHIS DAY Alan Turing

http://www.cs.virginia.edu/evans/paradise/turing/

Target Your Audiences

Your proposal should be appealing to both thorough, competent reviewers and lazy, grumpy ones!

Write Fewer Proposals

Ask for feedback – early enough to be useful

Don’t write proposals because of pressure from administrators, desire to appear “productive”

slide fro

m my USENIX 2004 talk!

Get the least restrictive, lowest management, funding you can (NSF, industry gifts)

Don’t Diversify

Be Open

Follow Norms, Buck Conventions

www.cs.virginia.edu/evans/paradiseevans@virginia.edu