How To Keep Both Feet On The Ground & Out of Your Mouth

Presenter - Monica Swallop

Tides Of ChangeMarch 6 & 7, 2007

Co-presenters:• Mary Guertler

• Michele Haines

• Barbarann Lichtewalner

• Cheryl Breitfeller

• Sharon Karpiszin

•Nancy Rehrig

•Marty Landis

•Linda Kerschner

•Kitti Berkheimer

•Susan Stimpfle

Co-presenters

• Maureen Foster• Audrey Hammen• Linda Lee Iezzi• Diane Millman• Jane Wentz• Sandy Mink• Diane Carfara

• Robin German• Linda Andreas• Tammy Boom• Sue Supenia• Karen Jackson• Sharon Mitchell

Relativity

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change”

~Wayne Dyer

Turn it around...

• Look at a situation from all angles

• Look at the other person’s point of view

• Put yourself in their place

• Bring together different viewpoints

Take Charge of Your Emotions• Live lightly

• Respond rather than react

• Avoid going to extremes

• Bypass bickering

Think Nice

• Set the tone

• Smile…people can hear

• Please

• Thank you

• Sincere compliments

Think Twice

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

–Mark Twain

Give the Benefit of the Doubt• Assumptions are often false

• Don’t make a movie out of a situation

Avoid Judgement

• Put your mind in gear before your mouth

• Best time to say nothing is when you have the most to say

Five Rule • Think of 5 good points about the

person

- Nice smile

- Loves animals

- Great hair cut

- Kind

- Bakes a good cake

Five Rule• Think of 5 reasons why

person may be acting the way they are:

- Their shoes are too tight

- They are hungry

- They don’t feel well

- They were called to task

- Fight with spouse

Find the good...

“Everyone has good in

them…you just have to look

harder with some people.”

~St. Theresa

Gossip – Drama Llama

• How would you feel if someone said the same thing about you?

• If you can’t answer “I would like that”, don’t say it or repeat it.

• Is this being said for a constructive purpose?

• Is it being exaggerated in order to add drama/excitement?

Recognize the Power of Words• Once you recognize the power

of words, you are well on your way to speaking words that uplift rather than tear down

• Awareness is half the battle

• Think before you speak

“I have never been hurt by anything I did not say.”

~ Calvin Coolidge

Tactful PhrasesWhen you disagree:

• It seems to me that the problem…

• While I don’t agree with your conclusion...

• Would it be possible for you to recheck...

Tactful Phrases When situation gets heated:

• Obviously you are too upset to discuss this now, I will talk to you later.

• We don’t have to agree, but is there any reason we can’t be civil to each other?

• You have every right to feel that way if that were the case.

Tactful Phrases

• I understand you have a

problem with that, but I

expect to be treated with

courtesy and

professionalism

Tactful Phrases When you are being pressured:

• I don’t feel totally comfortable with that…

• Don’t you think it would be a good idea to hold off until...

Tactful Phrases When clarification is needed…

- I’d appreciate your help understanding this…

- Perhaps I misunderstood…

- It looks like we got our signals crossed…

- Perhaps I did not explain myself clearly…

Tactful Phrases

• With all due respect….

Tactful Phrases

When you want to express anger:

- I feel I was treated unfairly...

- I was upset when I realized…

Anger

• Anger is one letter short of danger

• Walk away

• Evaluate the situation

It’s all in how you say it... Avoid

• You have to…(controlling)

• I can not..

• But….

• I am sorry

Alternative

• Are you willing to…

• I will try…

• End the sentence; try however

• I apologize (use the person’s name in sentence form).

Humor

• Lightens up a situation

• Breaks down barriers

• Laughter is underestimated in the work environment

• Create your own

Body Language

• Negative - “I don’t believe anything you are saying - and I am bored.”

• Positive - “ I am really interested in what you are saying.”

Body Language

• Avoid ‘closed’ body posture

- Arms folded across chest

- Hiding your hands and palms

Body Language

• Avoid touching face when speaking.

– Rubbing nose, eyes, ears, head, or neck shows doubt in what you are saying or hearing

• Blink normally and nod your head to show agreement

Avoid Extraneous Movements• Finger drumming

• Scratching

• Twitching

• Darting eyes around the room

Positive Expectations

“This is a waste of time!”

“They’ll never agree to this.”

• If you don’t believe it, what makes you think they will?

• Talk yourself into a state of optimism

• Go in with courage of your convictions

Being Proactive

Evaluate the Situation

• Is this trivial?

• Can I let this roll off my back?

• Take time to think about what it is you want

• Do not react from emotions

• Be honest with yourself; empathic with the other side

History of the Situation

• Is it someone/something you deal with everyday?

• Is the behavior intentional or innocent?

• Is it temporary?

• Will it change?

Let’s Talk• Get the facts, or the facts will get you

• Be prepared to present in a confident manner

• Use words or terms you are familiar with

• Keep it simple

• Know what it is that you want

• Focus

5 Second Confidence Fix• Use ‘proud me’ posture - Your

mother probably taught it to you!

• Sit up straight

• Pull your shoulders up and back

• Automatically pulls your head up

• You will feel more optimistic & things will literally be looking up

Greeting

• Make eye contact

• Smile

• Shake hands if you are comfortable doing so and if appropriate

• Make it personal, use names

Express Your Intent• Start with person’s name

• Use that cooperative attitude

• Speak slowly and clearly

• Avoid words that you might stumble over

• If you do stumble, replace the word with another one

• Show the proper respect

Stand on Principles

• Avoid trying to outwit the other person

• Stand tall but don’t knock down

• Get your point across by presenting with a cooperative attitude

Listen Attentively• Let them know you are hearing

their concerns by repeating them and asking questions

• Maintain eye contact

• Avoid unblinking stare…let them know you are interested & still alive

Summary• Relativity - look at the whole picture

• Take charge of your emotions - live lightly

• Think nice - think twice

• Give the benefit of the doubt

• Five Rules

• Recognize the power of words

Be Confident - Be Proactive“Why not go out on a limb? That is where the fruit is.”

~ Will Rogers