How to Engage Children's Cooperation

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A Book Review Nurkholis Ainunnajib Jakarta, Indonesia

Transcript of How to Engage Children's Cooperation

Page 1: How to Engage Children's Cooperation

A Book ReviewNurkholis Ainunnajib

Jakarta, Indonesia

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Contents

Helping Children Deal with

Their Feeling Engaging

Cooperation

Alternatives to

Punishment Encouragi

ng Autonomy

Praise

Freeing Children

from Playing Roles

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Engaging Cooperation

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Typical responses from parents (or teachers)

“Your dirty fingerprints are on

the door again! Why do you

always do that? The trouble with you is you never

listen!

“You are supposed to write three

sentences using adverbs of

manner; not irregular verbs. How dumb can

you get?

“If you don’t spit that gum out this minute, I’m going

to open your mouth and take it

out!

Blaming & Accusing Name-calling Threats

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Typical responses from parents (or teachers)

“You still didn’t do the instruction? What are you

waiting for? Do it NOW!”

“Why can’t you be more like your

friend? He always gets his work done

ahead of time!”

“Just keep on being selfish.

You’ll see, no one is ever gonna play

with you. You’ll have no friends.”

Commands Comparisons Threats

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Is there any alternative for those statements?

1.Describe. Describe what you see, or describe the problem.

2.Give information3.Say it with a word4.Talk about your feelings5.Write a note

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Let’s compare these examples!

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Let’s compare these examples!

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Let’s compare these examples!

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Some considerations to think about:- When you start to change, there might be a transition

period. Be ready for unpleasant responses from your children or students.

- When you’ve reminded them for the second or third time and no reaction from them, stop. Instead, find out from him if you’ve been heard.

- Reply “Sure, I will do it later” with “ When is that?”- Choose the strategies that suit their age. Or combine

the strategies.- Some teenagers prefer “The One Word Statement” to

your lecture.- Yet, they don’t like their name to be “The One Word

Statement” - Try to change your “NO”

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And Some Alternatives to “NO”

Give information (and leave out the “No”)

Describe the problem

Give yourself time to think

Accept feelings

When possible, change it into a “Yes”

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Let’s be Reflective!•Have you ever done or said something unpleasant to your kids to engage their cooperation? What was that?• If you were given a second chance, what would you do/say to your kids?

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People have asked us, “If I use these skills appropriately, will my children always respond?” our answer is: We would hope not. Children aren’t robots. Besides, our purpose is not to set forth a series of techniques to manipulate behavior so that

the children always respond.

Our purpose is to speak to what is best in our children—their intelligence, their initiative, their sense of responsibility, their sense of humor, their ability to be sensitive to the needs of

others.

We want to demonstrate the kind of respectful communication that we hope our children will use with us—now, during their adolescent years, and ultimately as our

adult friends.

--- Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish ---