HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling

30 Proven Ways To Become a Master Of Mediocrity

Foreword by Elgin

SubwaysurferBolling

Recently, while speaking with some artist friends, the subject came up , as it always does, about "how business was ". as usual my ears were bombarded with the usual answers, " people just aren't buying," "this isn't the season" "its not what you know, its who you know" etc. etc. I mentioned a few things that had been working for me lately, and was met by polite smiles and nods of the head, only to have people return to the same chorus of "Why Business Is Bad"....It occurred to me that perhaps I am doing things all wrong. In fact, maybe there's something wrong with ME!

Conventional wisdom seems to suggest that some Artists actually LIKE the title of "starving artist" why else would they fight so hard to live up to it? Armed with that new revelation, I set out to write the definitive guide on the subject. I mean, If you’re going to be a failure anyway, why not be a successful one? Following are 30 proven methods for becoming the best Starving Artist that you can possibly be. It takes 30 days to form a habit, so its best to incorporate a principle a day into your life so that a new habit will be formed.

I've made this book absolutely FREE so it can be within reach of anyone's budget. After all, if

you’re a starving Artist, how would you have money to pay

for it right?

Why This Book Was Written

1.YOUR FRIENDS OPINIONS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT

Your friends who never lie to you. That's why they're called friends. You're friends after all because your opinions are the same. Refuse to listen to another point of view on matters regarding your

work and your career. Listen to your friends ALWAYS. they are ALWAYS right. That's why they're your friends.

2. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BED.The Early Bird catches the worm is a dumb saying. Who wants to eat worms for breakfast anyway? Life is really stressful. Especially when

you are an artist. You need all the sleep you can. Your bed is the only place where you can find rest and peace. Don't just settle for sleeping

at night, take a couple of naps during the day! Your work can wait.

3. WAIT FOR THE MOOD TO HIT YOU TO WORK

It’s all about mood. You work best when you are happy. What's the point of working when you feel sad, frustrated, or

when your favorite sitcom is on? Work is one of life's constants. Its always going to be here, and there is always

going to be more, not less of it. Since Work is already waiting to be done anyway, why not wait until the right MOOD hits

you to do it then you can just breeze through it. Anyone who says otherwise is just a workaholic.

4. ALWAYS WORK AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE

Think about it, if someone put a gun to your head and said run the 100 yard dash in 2 seconds, you'd probably do it in one second. Pressure is GOOD for you. It energizes you. it makes you decide

quickly what to do. that's how ALL the professionals work, regardless of what they TELL you.

5. WHY READ IF YOU AREN'T IN SCHOOL?

If you've gone from kindergarten to college, you've already done a lifetime of reading. Trust me, there aint nothing new in those books anyway, so why waste time reading? All the

author wants to do is get rich off of you, and give you useless advice. Leave the research to the professors. It's

their JOB to read, after all....

6.FORGET "PRACTICE“

Practice is something beginners need to do. You are a professional, therefore, you don't NEED it. You're not in art school

, no one is grading you, so you don't need practice EVER. .Practice is for people who don't know what they are doing.

7. LEAVE THAT "TECHIE" STUFF TO THE GEEKS

Computer technology is for geeks. Leave that stuff to the techies. You're an artist. No need to learn this stuff anyway. If something

breaks down you can just call someone to fix it.

8. THE SUPERMARKET is The ONLY MARKETING YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Marketing involves unpleasant things like Math, Research, testing.... all of those annoying left brain activities that will just jam up your creativity. Marketers are all soul less business drones in suits. Never sell out and be one of them! always know WHO you

are! An ARTIST!

9. STAY IN YOUR COMFORT ZONEITS COZY THERE.

Why do you THINK it's called a "comfort zone?" It's COMFORTABLE! Duh!!! Lets be logical here, if someone asked you to trade in your nice comfy bed and mattress, for a bed of

nails, what would you say? Yeah. I THOUGHT SO!

10. STOP LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD

We don't live in our imagination, we live in reality. The reality is that things are tough. You were dealt a certain "deck "in life, and NO amount of

dreaming, affirming, or wishing will ever change that. Anyone who believes otherwise is fooling themselves.

11. PROCRASTINATION IS THE NATION YOU LIVE IN

Your national anthem is the song, "Tomorrow" (it's always a day away )live by that! Since Tomorrow is

always coming, there’s just no logical sense in working hard today, is there? You know the answer to that question!

12. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG.make him know that at every opportunity, in subtle and direct ways.

Clients need to know who the professional is, and understand who is in charge, at all times.

13. "DONE" IS BETTER THAN "PERFECT”Since NO ONE is perfect, or can ever BE perfect, why even strive for

such an unrealistic, unattainable goal? Stop setting yourself up for inevitable failure. The fact is, your job doesn't have to be your best. It just has to be SOMETHING TANGIBLE. Your client will never know

the difference, anyway.

14. DEADLINES ARE RELATIVE

Never let anyone bully you into finishing an assignment until you are good and ready. Clients who push for

deadlines are trying to take away your power. Never give away your power, they never give it back.

•

15.FORGET ABOUT CALENDARS

Calendars and-appointment books are for morons with bad memories. Whatever you can't

remember in your head, you can always scribble onto random slips of paper envelopes napkins

whenever you can make a mark .

16. FORGET ABOUT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS

You don't need to form good business relationships you're not going to marry these

people so what is the point? Just get their money, and go on to the next person. This isn't about

romance! This s business! If you're swimming with the sharks you gotta keep it moving.

17. GIGS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN

The word "GIG", means Get Income (that's)Greater!

Always take a better gig over your current gig, especially if it's more money! After-all

that's all about the Benjamin's and your client understands this. Even if they don't admit it.

18. CONTRACTS ARE FOR MOBSTERS AND HIT MEN

People are basically honest. A simple head nod, and handshake is enough to seal any deal. Your clients always

have your best interests at heart.

19. YOU'RE NOT A FASHION MODEL.STOP DRESSING LIKE ONE.

Dress up is a pretend girlie game, and you need to act like an adult. “Dress for Success” is nonsense. It’s just a clever tagline made by a guy who wanted to sell a book. Dress for comfort.

You're only doing art, you’re not on the runway.

20. REPEAT THIS AFFIRMATION AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.

IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!

Say it long enough and you'll definitely believe it, and most of all, live it! Say it to your friends, your family, even your other artist friends. With any luck, they'll join in the chorus, and you all can

happily warm yourselves By the garbage can fire, as you collectively wonder where your next meal is coming from.

Congratulations on achieving your goal! You worked hard to achieve it!





21. ALWAYS KEEP IT "REAL“

Complain loud long and often! it's good to vent your feelings, especially when you’re depressed, frustrated, worried, angry, confused, or annoyed with your client. It’s so freeing letting people know exactly how you feel so there's no guesswork

involved. Behaving otherwise, is not "self control" or "discipline" or even "maturity". Those are just fancy words for BEING FAKE. Just keep it REAL. You and your client will be happier. If they get angry, hurt, or scared, it’s because they have grown accustomed to hearing lies. Break them out of

that habit, and they will thank you for it.

22. NEVER NEGOTIATE EVER

There’s only ONE way for a project to be done, YOUR way. Period, end, dot. If your client was so smart and knew what e was doing, then why would he come to you

anyway? Again, this is just another lame tactic they use to take away your power. Secretly they want you to take control. It shows them you are confident. Even

if they won't admit it.

23. DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOESAlways look at what everyone else is doing and do that too. This is a sure path to success, and you will also be perceived as "cool", Remember that image is

everything! ask any high school cheerleader! Besides, if everyone else weren't doing it then it wouldn't be popular, and you would just look like a fool

doing something different by yourself! Remember High School? It's a metaphor for life. All the so called "innovators "and "visionaries" of the world were all just

uncool losers who got lucky. Yeah, I said it!

24. OVERTIME IS FOR IDIOTSWork your standard 8 hours and take your butt home. Work is always going to be there, so why keep at something you'll never finish anyway? Ask any fool who works overtime if they enjoy it. If they tell you they do, go on and

ask the NEXT person for a TRUTHFUL answer.

25. DON'T DO BUSINESS WITH EVERYONE.

Don't do business with Arabs, Asians, Blacks Whites, Christians, Jews, Democrats, Republicans, Gays, Lesbians, or people you don't

know. They just can't be trusted. Everyone knows that.

26. NITCH rhymes with ITCH FOR A REASON

Doesn’t scratch an itch, or you'll eventually bleed. You don't need to find a nitch group. To do so would limit your options and alienate you from people who could possibly buy from you. Better to be a jack of all trades, a chameleon who can

service everyone, rather than a select few.

27. BECOME GOOD AT GUESSING

If you don't know the answer to a clients question about something, then guess! You MIGHT be right! Your client will

never know, if he KNEW he wouldn't be asking YOU. Searching for the right answer s too time consuming

and stressful. He's not paying you THAT much to know everything, anyway.

28. NEVER EVER DO MORE THAN REQUIRED

Going the proverbial “extra mile” for a customer will only leave you with tired feet, and empty pockets. They don’t

deserve more. EVER. Time is money. YOUR time, THEIR money. If anyone wants more than they paid for, they are stealing from you. Who wants to do business with a thief?

29. BECOME A MAN/WOMAN OF MYSTERY

Limit the amount of time you communicate with clients via phone, in person, or email. The artist is supposed to have an

aura of mystery. If the client is allowed to peek behind the curtain, the illusion is over. Besides, once they feel

comfortable with you, they will tell you more to do, and then you will have to work harder when all you wanted to do was

a little picture thing and go home.

30. ALWAYS CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE THE BEST ARTIST IN THE WORLD!

PERIOD. END. DOT!

And DONT be afraid to let EVERYONE know it at every opportunity. Some people need a lot of reminding. Some

may call this arrogance, or bragging. I call it confidence. If others want to put themselves down and lower their self esteem in the process, let them live in the basement with the rest of the losers. People ALWAYS want to hire the

best. That's why they LOVE the YANKEES. You don't see them calling THEMSELVES losers, do you?

About The Author/Artist

Don’t Let Elgin’s lack of commitment to these Starving Artists Principles keep you from reaching YOUR lowest potential! Feel free to shoot for the basement of mediocrity! Elgin wont mind one bit! If you’d like to correspond with Elgin he can be reached at

Elgin Subwaysurfer Bollingis a total Hypocrite

He practices none of the principles, so passionately penned in this periodical. He is a NYC Creative Caricature Marketing Consultant, Ebook author, and sought after Live Caricature Entertainer. (that’s him drawing at Sardi’s Restaurant Incidentally.

[email protected]://www.subwaysurfer.blogspot.com

mailto:[email protected]

HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling

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