How I Met Your Mother - 3x17 - The Goat.hdtv.En

100:00:00,617 --> 00:00:02,099Well, kids, here we are.

200:00:02,199 --> 00:00:04,897We've arrived.My 30th birthday.

300:00:05,312 --> 00:00:06,788The long-awaited story of...

400:00:08,239 --> 00:00:09,399...the goat.

500:00:09,585 --> 00:00:11,158That week startedjust like any other.

600:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,966Barney woke upin some girl's bed.

700:00:17,168 --> 00:00:20,169In my experience,the way this normally goes is,

800:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,111we lie here for a while,

900:00:22,442 --> 00:00:24,688make a little awkward chitchat.

1000:00:26,025 --> 00:00:26,790Check.

1100:00:28,105 --> 00:00:29,692Then I make upsome Cabinet meeting,

1200:00:29,790 --> 00:00:32,229heart surgery, rocket test flightI've got to be at,

1300:00:32,325 --> 00:00:35,187slip out of the apartmentand never call you again.

14

00:00:35,449 --> 00:00:37,800And later at the bar,you tell your good friend Robin

1500:00:37,908 --> 00:00:41,490the story of your latest conquest,and she thinks to herself,

1600:00:41,715 --> 00:00:44,500"Who is this sad,self-loathing idiot

1700:00:44,607 --> 00:00:47,020who climbed into bedwith Barney Stinson?"

1800:00:48,407 --> 00:00:50,590Actually, you usuallysay that out loud.

1900:00:54,157 --> 00:00:54,852So...

2000:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,623I just slept withmy best friend's ex-girlfriend.

2100:01:00,827 --> 00:01:04,170And I just slept withmy ex-boyfriend's really good friend.

2200:01:04,515 --> 00:01:05,211Best friend.

2300:01:08,566 --> 00:01:09,943Okay, here's the deal, Barney.

2400:01:10,048 --> 00:01:12,370The second my feettouch the ground,

2500:01:12,475 --> 00:01:14,962- this never happened.- Okay.

2600:01:15,708 --> 00:01:17,070Wait.

2700:01:17,395 --> 00:01:21,312Right click, save as...Into the .bpeg folder, and okay.

2800:01:22,375 --> 00:01:24,170This never happened.

2900:01:25,136 --> 00:01:26,310It's a good plan.

3000:01:26,567 --> 00:01:29,980Now we go back to exactlythe way things were before.

3100:01:30,067 --> 00:01:31,300- Okay.- Okay.

3200:01:31,400 --> 00:01:31,980Alright.

3300:01:33,735 --> 00:01:34,573So, Robin?

3400:01:35,497 --> 00:01:36,622Yes, Barney?

3500:01:37,068 --> 00:01:39,771Guess who nailed the chick fromMetro News One last night?

3600:01:45,485 --> 00:01:49,161How I Met Your Mother 3x17- The Goat -

3700:01:58,757 --> 00:02:01,271Okay, uh,let me take a shower,

3800:02:01,978 --> 00:02:02,940till June,

3900:02:03,045 --> 00:02:06,062and, since you were never here to beginwith, you won't be here when I get out.

40

00:02:06,245 --> 00:02:07,462- Okay.- Okay.

4100:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,292This never happened.

4200:02:12,857 --> 00:02:14,731Never happened.

4300:02:15,385 --> 00:02:16,843Never... happened.

4400:02:16,946 --> 00:02:19,191But pretending it never happenedwouldn't be that easy.

4500:02:19,297 --> 00:02:21,620So, tell us,what was it like?

4600:02:21,987 --> 00:02:24,200- What?- Penetrating that barrier.

4700:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,141You and I are the first onesto hit it.

4800:02:26,248 --> 00:02:30,143Well, not the first ones, certainly,but the first ones at this table.

4900:02:30,878 --> 00:02:33,592I... I... I...I'm... I'm...

5000:02:33,796 --> 00:02:36,313Although, I'm gonna behitting it pretty soon.

5100:02:36,416 --> 00:02:37,341Yeah, you are.

5200:02:37,446 --> 00:02:39,970Yeah, and when I hit it,I'm going to go nuts.

5300:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,492It's gonna be all night,and I think I want a clown there.

5400:02:43,846 --> 00:02:46,221I'm a little bit scared of clowns,but for you, I'm there.

5500:02:47,235 --> 00:02:48,653What are you taking about?!

5600:02:48,967 --> 00:02:50,290The big three-oh.

5700:02:50,645 --> 00:02:52,412You know,my 30th birthday's this Friday.

5800:02:52,517 --> 00:02:53,541Did you forget?

5900:02:53,645 --> 00:02:55,030What kind of friend is this guy?

6000:02:55,377 --> 00:02:56,833Ha-ha, right.

6100:02:56,937 --> 00:02:59,161A great friend, by the way.The best.

6200:03:00,216 --> 00:03:02,863Is it my imagination,or are these drinks getting smaller?

6300:03:02,966 --> 00:03:05,871If this were a doctor's office,they'd say, "Try again."

6400:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,083How you doing there, Robin?

6500:03:09,288 --> 00:03:10,423I'm good.

6600:03:10,735 --> 00:03:13,333

Oh, so, I made a decision. I'm goingto go through all my old stuff,

6700:03:13,437 --> 00:03:15,973and I'm getting rid of anythingI have no use for anymore.

6800:03:16,077 --> 00:03:17,522Barney, you want my Xbox?

6900:03:18,055 --> 00:03:19,682Ted, she has a name!

7000:03:20,525 --> 00:03:22,430And just whatare you accusing me of?

7100:03:23,067 --> 00:03:24,271Liking video games?

7200:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,133I'm gonna get a drink.

7300:03:26,238 --> 00:03:27,643I'll come with you.

7400:03:28,245 --> 00:03:29,351God, this is awkward.

7500:03:30,298 --> 00:03:32,113- What is?- Being around Ted.

7600:03:32,585 --> 00:03:33,283Why?

7700:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,440Because of our thing.

7800:03:34,985 --> 00:03:35,680What thing?

7900:03:36,075 --> 00:03:37,610You're really gonna pretendthis never happened?

80

00:03:37,716 --> 00:03:39,112What never happened?

8100:03:42,036 --> 00:03:43,202What are you guystalking about?

8200:03:43,407 --> 00:03:44,233Nothing.

8300:03:44,715 --> 00:03:46,961Guys, cut the act.I know.

8400:03:49,316 --> 00:03:52,033I know about the surprise partyyou guys are throwing me.

8500:03:52,136 --> 00:03:54,080Marshall let it slip earlier today.

8600:03:54,615 --> 00:03:57,061Hey, I'll totally act surprisedand everything. Just...

8700:03:57,165 --> 00:03:58,133be sure to invite Stella.

8800:03:58,468 --> 00:04:01,773Stella!You have a serious girlfriend now!

8900:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,622You're over this one.Robin who, right?

9000:04:05,688 --> 00:04:09,161Stella makes this one look like afilthy bag of garbage, am I right?

9100:04:10,775 --> 00:04:12,071Happy birthday, bro.

9200:04:17,207 --> 00:04:18,950- Hello.- Hey, Marshall,

93

00:04:19,056 --> 00:04:20,030I need your help.

9400:04:20,237 --> 00:04:22,531Yeah, I'm kind of real focusedon the job hunt right now.

9500:04:22,735 --> 00:04:24,243I know. I want to hire you.

9600:04:24,817 --> 00:04:27,553For the last time, Barney,I will not be your butler.

9700:04:28,525 --> 00:04:30,753I need a lawyer.I'll pay you.

9800:04:31,897 --> 00:04:32,593How much?

9900:04:33,338 --> 00:04:35,052- A little.- I'll take it.

10000:04:40,076 --> 00:04:41,850So, I'm reading this, and,I got to say,

10100:04:41,955 --> 00:04:43,780this might be a little bitover my head.

10200:04:43,885 --> 00:04:44,910For one thing,

10300:04:45,016 --> 00:04:48,441I'm fairly certain that if thesecontracts aren't executed precisely,

10400:04:48,545 --> 00:04:50,671we will be at warwith Portugal.

10500:04:51,095 --> 00:04:53,670Forget that.That's a Tuesday for me.

10600:04:55,555 --> 00:04:56,430New shredder.

10700:04:56,537 --> 00:04:58,621This baby'll chew upa bicycle in 17 seconds.

10800:05:00,358 --> 00:05:02,281From Sky Mall.It's all from Sky Mall.

10900:05:02,805 --> 00:05:04,120Whenever I get upset,I shop at Sky Mall.

11000:05:04,328 --> 00:05:05,843- Want a hot dog?- Of course.

11100:05:06,797 --> 00:05:08,002Why are you upset?

11200:05:08,785 --> 00:05:09,780Marshall,

11300:05:09,885 --> 00:05:11,300I'm about to tell you a secret

11400:05:11,405 --> 00:05:15,540that you can't tell anyone...not Ted, not Robin, not Lily.

11500:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,330No. No, no, no,I don't want any more secrets,

11600:05:18,437 --> 00:05:21,642especially now that I know what you guysdid to the drinking water in Lisbon.

11700:05:21,925 --> 00:05:24,240You are hearingthis secret, Marshall.

11800:05:24,345 --> 00:05:26,100- I... I slept...- Lala-bo da-boh

11900:05:26,207 --> 00:05:28,050- Stop... Stop doing that.- La la la, la la!

12000:05:29,417 --> 00:05:31,601- I slept...- Laba-da bay-doh

12100:05:31,985 --> 00:05:33,771Hicka-ba-ta-bo...

12200:05:33,875 --> 00:05:34,940I slept with Robin.

12300:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,321You slept with Robin?

12400:05:47,117 --> 00:05:48,160Are you mad at me?

12500:05:49,125 --> 00:05:50,241I don't know.

12600:05:51,447 --> 00:05:53,752- How's the hot dog?- It's helping.

12700:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,803You slept with Robin?!

12800:05:55,905 --> 00:05:57,291I cannot keep that secret.

12900:05:57,396 --> 00:05:59,273I mean, you knowI at least have to tell Lily.

13000:05:59,376 --> 00:06:01,640You can't. You can't tell anyone.Attorney-client privilege.

13100:06:02,517 --> 00:06:03,891Why are you doing this to me?!

13200:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,631

Because I need you, Marshall,as my lawyer,

13300:06:06,737 --> 00:06:08,352to prove thatI didn't do anything wrong.

13400:06:08,557 --> 00:06:10,391How can I help youas your lawyer?

13500:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,783You didn't breakany laws, did you?

13600:06:13,838 --> 00:06:15,560Robin knows you slept with her,doesn't she?

13700:06:17,597 --> 00:06:20,030I didn't break any stateor federal laws,

13800:06:20,555 --> 00:06:23,441but I think I broke a much,much higher law.

13900:06:24,958 --> 00:06:26,122The Bro Code.

14000:06:27,786 --> 00:06:30,312For many years, we had heardBarney quote the Bro Code,

14100:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,871a list of do's anddon'ts for all bros.

14200:06:33,606 --> 00:06:34,650Some were basic.

14300:06:34,756 --> 00:06:37,380Bro Code article one:"Bros before hoes."

14400:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,412Some wereunbelievably complicated.

14500:06:40,510 --> 00:06:44,489Bro Code article 89:"The mom of a bro is always off limits,

14600:06:44,585 --> 00:06:48,657"but the stepmom of a brois fair game if she initiates it,

14700:06:48,759 --> 00:06:52,391"and/or is wearing at leastone article of leopard print clothing."

14800:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,662And some were justplain disturbing.

14900:06:54,766 --> 00:06:57,063Bro Code article 34:

15000:06:57,168 --> 00:07:00,732"Bros cannot make eye contactduring a devil's three-way."

15100:07:02,377 --> 00:07:03,112Two dudes.

15200:07:05,367 --> 00:07:08,873This is not a legal document.This is just something you wrote.

15300:07:09,076 --> 00:07:10,322You think I wrote that?

15400:07:10,958 --> 00:07:12,401Oh, Marshall,

15500:07:12,605 --> 00:07:17,293don't you know the glorioushistory of the Bro Code?

15600:07:17,596 --> 00:07:19,852The year was 1776.

15700:07:19,957 --> 00:07:21,673The place: Philadelphia.

15800:07:21,777 --> 00:07:24,210Benjamin Franklin and George Washingtonwere having a drink.

15900:07:24,706 --> 00:07:28,783But, bro, seriously,I called dibs on that wench.

16000:07:29,107 --> 00:07:31,273You codpiece blocked me.

16100:07:31,636 --> 00:07:34,143So what if I did?There's no rule against it.

16200:07:34,406 --> 00:07:35,512Well, there should be.

16300:07:35,615 --> 00:07:37,790There should be a set of rulesthat govern the way bros

16400:07:37,897 --> 00:07:39,771comport themselvesamong other bros.

16500:07:40,607 --> 00:07:42,382But who shall write such a document?

16600:07:42,485 --> 00:07:45,611I have to go to Me, D.C.,and pose for the dollar bill.

16700:07:45,896 --> 00:07:48,453And I have to do somekite-flying or something.

16800:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,610I shall write this set of rules.

16900:07:50,717 --> 00:07:53,583And I shall inscribe iton the back of the Constitution.

17000:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,300To save paper.

17100:07:56,286 --> 00:07:57,401It's resolved!

17200:07:57,505 --> 00:07:59,581Barnabas Stinson shall write...

17300:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,753the Bro Code.

17400:08:02,135 --> 00:08:03,843And I shall include a provision

17500:08:03,945 --> 00:08:07,013that stateth no eye contactin a devil's three-way.

17600:08:07,378 --> 00:08:09,130- Seconded.- Seconded.

17700:08:11,816 --> 00:08:13,261Listen, what do you want me for?

17800:08:13,365 --> 00:08:15,321I've just been losingmy mind lately,

17900:08:15,426 --> 00:08:16,742and do you knowwhy I feel so bad?

18000:08:16,848 --> 00:08:18,443Yeah, becauseyou slept with Robin.

18100:08:18,545 --> 00:08:19,961No, that was awesome.

18200:08:20,465 --> 00:08:21,802I feel bad

18300:08:21,905 --> 00:08:26,081because the Bro Code clearly states"No sex with your bro's ex."

18400:08:26,795 --> 00:08:28,971

But if you, my lawyer,

18500:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,452can find a loophole somewhere,then that bad feeling will go bye-bye.

18600:08:33,686 --> 00:08:34,911And you would pay me for that?

18700:08:35,158 --> 00:08:37,393No, I'll just be the oneshredding your paperwork.

18800:08:37,498 --> 00:08:40,161Technically, you'll be paidby a toy factory in Pyongyang.

18900:08:40,576 --> 00:08:42,411Barney, I'm no shrink, okay,

19000:08:42,516 --> 00:08:45,523but don't you see that this is justa desperate way for you to avoid

19100:08:45,627 --> 00:08:47,841an unpleasantconfrontation with Ted?

19200:08:48,097 --> 00:08:50,353If I wanteda psychological evaluation,

19300:08:50,455 --> 00:08:53,092I'd hire the guy we payto hypnotize us before depositions.

19400:08:53,315 --> 00:08:54,800Now, get cracking!

19500:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,813While Marshall examinedthe Bro Code,

19600:08:56,918 --> 00:08:59,563Lily's kindergarten classwelcomed a special guest.

197

00:08:59,666 --> 00:09:01,803And with a little luck,in a few days,

19800:09:01,905 --> 00:09:04,001Farmer Frank's coldwill be all gone.

19900:09:04,107 --> 00:09:07,533And that's why Farmer Frank'sbreath smells like medicine.

20000:09:08,126 --> 00:09:10,821- Right, Farmer Frank?- You got it, toots.

20100:09:11,738 --> 00:09:13,872Any last questionsfor Farmer Frank? Yes.

20200:09:14,175 --> 00:09:16,621Will we ever get to seeMissy the Goat again?

20300:09:16,828 --> 00:09:18,601Ah, isn't that sweet!

20400:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,050Well, you know, honey,right after this,

20500:09:21,158 --> 00:09:23,461I'm gonna drop old Missy offat the butcher shop.

20600:09:24,068 --> 00:09:26,521And they're going to takea great big knife...

20700:09:26,625 --> 00:09:29,172And Frank went on to traumatizeLily's entire class

20800:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,721with a graphic explanationof where meat comes from.

20900:09:31,926 --> 00:09:35,761

So not one little scrapof Missy goes to waste.

21000:09:36,097 --> 00:09:39,692Ms. Aldrin,please don't let them eat Missy.

21100:09:48,316 --> 00:09:51,493I know, I know.I already called an animal rescue,

21200:09:51,696 --> 00:09:53,862and they're going to comeget her on Monday.

21300:09:54,207 --> 00:09:58,160Monday?! Where's she going to sleepand eat and go to the bathroom?!

21400:10:00,718 --> 00:10:02,962Okay, where's she goingto sleep and eat?

21500:10:03,665 --> 00:10:05,672I-I guess I'll keep herup on the roof.

21600:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,890Look, call me crazy. I just...

21700:10:07,995 --> 00:10:11,021I don't think having a goatin the apartment is a good idea.

21800:10:11,127 --> 00:10:12,843And, boy, was I right,

21900:10:12,947 --> 00:10:17,211because what Missy the Goat would goon to do in that bathroom was so...

22000:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,371No, you know what?I'm getting ahead of myself.

22100:10:19,475 --> 00:10:20,431We'll get there.

22200:10:21,307 --> 00:10:22,563- Hey, Ted.- Hey.

22300:10:22,666 --> 00:10:24,430You ready to, um...

22400:10:25,126 --> 00:10:26,402Where'd the goat turd come from?

22500:10:26,656 --> 00:10:28,121How'd you knowthat was a goat turd?

22600:10:28,227 --> 00:10:31,213Well, it was either that,or a musk ox turd, and I figured,

22700:10:31,318 --> 00:10:33,783what the hell woulda musk ox be doing in here?

22800:10:35,336 --> 00:10:36,662Guess what your wifebrought home.

22900:10:36,865 --> 00:10:38,931Attorney-client privilege.I can't talk about it.

23000:10:39,188 --> 00:10:40,251Talk about what?

23100:10:40,566 --> 00:10:42,322Nothing.How was your day?

23200:10:42,426 --> 00:10:44,620Oh, goat turd on the floor, I see.Is that new?

23300:10:47,525 --> 00:10:49,602How does everyone knowthat's a goat turd?

23400:10:53,616 --> 00:10:54,393Barney told you.

23500:10:54,496 --> 00:10:56,301I don't know whatyou're talking about, madam.

23600:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,171Marshall, you can't lookme in the eye,

23700:10:58,278 --> 00:11:00,892you're blushing, coughing,and your hands are shaking.

23800:11:00,996 --> 00:11:02,613Hey, Robin, come here.

23900:11:03,567 --> 00:11:06,153Ted is never finding out about this,you understand?

24000:11:06,257 --> 00:11:08,622Because it never happened,none of us are saying anything.

24100:11:08,728 --> 00:11:13,090And don't even think about opening thatcan until I'm out of the splash zone.

24200:11:26,105 --> 00:11:28,101Oh, fantastic, you're here.

24300:11:28,205 --> 00:11:29,460Give me the good news.

24400:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,083I'm sorry. You did too goodof a job writing this thing.

24500:11:32,188 --> 00:11:33,632It's-it's iron-clad.

24600:11:34,207 --> 00:11:36,513No!Bad lawyer!

24700:11:37,188 --> 00:11:38,681I need a loophole!

24800:11:38,785 --> 00:11:42,312I want to feel better, Marshall!I can't keep buying things!

24900:11:42,617 --> 00:11:46,181I have six self-cleaning litterboxesand I don't even have a kid.

25000:11:46,286 --> 00:11:48,780Wait...How about this?

25100:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,720Ted's probably brokenthis thing himself, right?

25200:11:50,826 --> 00:11:53,733And if he's broken the Bro Code,then I'm off the hook.

25300:11:53,938 --> 00:11:56,511I thought about that.And I gotta say,

25400:11:56,617 --> 00:11:59,813Ted has upheld this thingtime and time again.

25500:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,963For example, article 87:

25600:12:02,068 --> 00:12:04,583"A bro shall at all times say yes."

25700:12:05,357 --> 00:12:07,282So he saved youfrom an avalanche?

25800:12:07,386 --> 00:12:08,081Yes.

25900:12:08,497 --> 00:12:12,171And he carried you six milesto safety on his broken leg?

26000:12:12,615 --> 00:12:13,322

Yes.

26100:12:13,428 --> 00:12:16,190And you're a pre-op transsexualnightclub singer

26200:12:16,295 --> 00:12:18,300who used to be a memberof the Russian Mob?

26300:12:22,688 --> 00:12:23,382Da.

26400:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,030Article 29:

26500:12:26,138 --> 00:12:30,600"A bro will in a timely manner alert hisbro to the existence of a girl fight."

26600:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,460Dude, two girls are fightingat MacLaren's.

26700:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,291What?!

26800:12:38,446 --> 00:12:41,680Yeah, yeah. It was crazy.This one girl was like...

26900:12:44,687 --> 00:12:46,012Article 53:

27000:12:46,115 --> 00:12:50,211"A bro will, whenever possible,provide his bro with protection."

27100:12:50,947 --> 00:12:53,483- That feels nice.- Good.

27200:13:00,615 --> 00:13:02,410I just wishwe had some wine.

27300:13:02,668 --> 00:13:03,482

Yeah.

27400:13:04,028 --> 00:13:05,601I wish we hadsome wine, too.

27500:13:12,126 --> 00:13:13,211Damn it, Marshall.

27600:13:13,317 --> 00:13:16,260I'm not paying you to tell mewhat a saint Ted is! You're my lawyer!

27700:13:16,366 --> 00:13:18,152The answer is in there!Find it!

27800:13:18,357 --> 00:13:20,263Okay, this isn't about the Bro Code,and you know it.

27900:13:20,365 --> 00:13:23,513The reason that you're upsetis because what you did was wrong.

28000:13:23,617 --> 00:13:25,543And the only way you're evergonna feel any better about it

28100:13:25,648 --> 00:13:27,282is if you tell Ted what you did.

28200:13:27,687 --> 00:13:29,701What if he never wantsto talk to me again?

28300:13:30,445 --> 00:13:32,793Well, I guess that's just a chanceyou're gonna have to take.

28400:13:33,566 --> 00:13:36,243Which brings usto April 25, 2008.

28500:13:36,347 --> 00:13:37,871My 30th birthday,

286

00:13:37,975 --> 00:13:40,900or as it would cometo be referred to in later years:

28700:13:41,006 --> 00:13:43,000The Day of the Goat.

28800:13:43,106 --> 00:13:44,021Hey, where are you?

28900:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,893I'm in the limo, right outsideof Ted's office.

29000:13:45,996 --> 00:13:48,402Great. Well, everyone's here.Stella just arrived

29100:13:48,505 --> 00:13:50,892and there is something hereso awesome,

29200:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,602I'm not going to tell you what it is,but you won't believe...

29300:13:53,826 --> 00:13:55,982- Goat in a party hat?- Damn it!

29400:13:56,328 --> 00:13:58,101Well, you still gotta see it.

29500:13:58,227 --> 00:14:00,611It's so much funhaving a goat at a party!

29600:14:01,215 --> 00:14:04,211In a few short hours,Lily would come to regret those words.

29700:14:05,106 --> 00:14:06,630But we'll get there.

29800:14:06,735 --> 00:14:08,053Uh, gotta go.Here he comes.

29800:14:08,135 --> 00:14:08,800Okay, bye.

29900:14:08,906 --> 00:14:10,202- Hey.- Hey.

29900:14:10,606 --> 00:14:12,602Whoa, you guys went all out.

30000:14:12,836 --> 00:14:15,731Okay, everyone, Ted's in the limo,five-minute warning!

30100:14:15,837 --> 00:14:17,213Everyone get ready!

30200:14:17,317 --> 00:14:19,642Oh, Missy, are you excited?

30300:14:21,578 --> 00:14:22,883Yes, you are!

30400:14:25,276 --> 00:14:26,980Whoa, we're leaving the city

30500:14:27,087 --> 00:14:28,850where the hell is this party?

30600:14:28,958 --> 00:14:29,742Vegas.

30700:14:35,236 --> 00:14:37,050Vegas? I thoughtthe party was on the rooftop.

30800:14:37,155 --> 00:14:39,142Surprise!Just a decoy, my friend.

30900:14:39,247 --> 00:14:40,371So there's no roof party?

31000:14:40,476 --> 00:14:42,531Oh, no. There is.We're just not going.

31100:14:42,636 --> 00:14:43,932This is how good a friend I am.

31200:14:44,037 --> 00:14:47,010They want you to spend your 30thstanding around drinking flat beer

31300:14:47,118 --> 00:14:50,022ten feet above your living room.But not me, bro.

31400:14:50,127 --> 00:14:51,770I pulled out all the stops.

31500:14:51,876 --> 00:14:55,292Private jet,Valderrama suite at the Bellagio.

31600:14:55,398 --> 00:14:58,483Steaks at BOA,scotch at Ghostbar,

31700:14:58,587 --> 00:15:01,571then two ringside seatsto watch Floyd Mayweather

31800:15:01,678 --> 00:15:03,790go ten rounds with,wait for it...

31900:15:03,897 --> 00:15:06,040a grizzly bear!

32000:15:06,516 --> 00:15:08,443- Take me home, Barney.- No!

32100:15:08,548 --> 00:15:10,331We have to go to Vegas.

32200:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,352Look, Ted, I didn't wantto say this, but...

32300:15:15,365 --> 00:15:17,642there's something that I have

to tell you, and I wanted you to be

32400:15:17,748 --> 00:15:19,841in the best possible frame of mindbefore you heard it.

32500:15:19,947 --> 00:15:21,500You slept with Robin.

32600:15:24,718 --> 00:15:27,191- Ranjit!- You slept with Robin?

32700:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,230Barney! That is Ted's ex-girlfriend!

32800:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,302When did you find out?

32900:15:40,185 --> 00:15:41,731Hey, Robin. Come here!

33000:15:42,535 --> 00:15:43,370What's up?

33100:15:43,478 --> 00:15:45,720I was, uh, just going throughsome old stuff and I...

33200:15:45,825 --> 00:15:47,341Oh, crap!

33300:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,443Anyway, uh,I came across this.

33400:15:53,946 --> 00:15:56,983Oh, wow.From our vacation in Vermont.

33500:15:57,378 --> 00:15:59,171I don't know if you'd even want it,but if you do, it's yours.

33600:15:59,278 --> 00:16:00,443I slept with Barney!

33700:16:01,075 --> 00:16:01,771What?

33800:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,623It was just one time, it wa...

33900:16:04,728 --> 00:16:08,630it was the night that Simon dumped meand I was in a really vulnerable place

34000:16:08,737 --> 00:16:11,643I wanted to just pretend like itnever happened, but

34100:16:11,745 --> 00:16:14,083I couldn't, and... I can't.

34200:16:14,897 --> 00:16:17,500I just, I had to tell you.

34300:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,832I just hope thatwe can still be friends.

34400:16:23,318 --> 00:16:24,633Of course we can still be friends.

34500:16:25,238 --> 00:16:26,343So you're not mad?

34600:16:27,258 --> 00:16:28,411Well, I'm...

34700:16:28,518 --> 00:16:30,801it's a little weird, but, um...

34800:16:31,687 --> 00:16:32,973No, I'm not mad.

34900:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,480So you're not mad?

35000:16:39,678 --> 00:16:41,432No, I'm not mad.

351

00:16:41,805 --> 00:16:44,013I mean, Robin and Ibroke up a year ago.

35200:16:44,116 --> 00:16:46,292We've both datedlots of people since then.

35300:16:46,395 --> 00:16:47,871I'm with Stella now.

35400:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,401Seriously,I... I'm fine with this.

35500:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,803I'm so relievedto hear you say that.

35600:16:53,907 --> 00:16:55,350Yeah. Yeah.

35700:16:55,456 --> 00:16:58,553Oh, hey, I just remembered, um,my mom is coming into town next month.

35800:16:58,656 --> 00:17:01,292Maybe you'd liketo nail her, too!

35900:17:01,905 --> 00:17:04,061Where are they?!I'm getting a cramp.

36000:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,492Marshall, can we keep the goat?

36100:17:06,596 --> 00:17:07,550No.

36200:17:07,805 --> 00:17:09,983But she's so cute and furry and soft.

36300:17:10,088 --> 00:17:12,652Yeah, and she also sheds,eats out of the garbage and

364

00:17:12,756 --> 00:17:15,291can't control her bowels. Why don'twe just call Duluth Mental Hospital

36500:17:15,398 --> 00:17:16,851and say my Uncle Linuscan live with us?

36600:17:17,157 --> 00:17:19,790Yeah, Lily, that may seem likea good idea after a couple of drinks

36700:17:19,897 --> 00:17:22,233but tomorrow morning you're goingto want this thing out of your house.

36800:17:22,435 --> 00:17:24,641Oh, you should talk.You slept with Barney.

36900:17:24,748 --> 00:17:26,343- Marshall!- I'm sorry!

37000:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,852I couldn't take it anymore.

37100:17:27,955 --> 00:17:31,512I can't believe you did that.That's so gross.

37200:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,780Was it amazing?

37300:17:32,985 --> 00:17:36,782What? I... Lily, really don't wantto talk about this.

37400:17:36,987 --> 00:17:41,620I know, but it's Barney.It's just hard not to be curious.

37500:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,770Did he have like devices and stuff?

37600:17:43,876 --> 00:17:44,710Lily, come on.

37700:17:44,816 --> 00:17:46,232- Hot wax?- Stop it.

37800:17:46,337 --> 00:17:48,031- Did he tie you to anything?- That's enough.

37900:17:48,135 --> 00:17:50,341- What's wrong with you?- I'm sorry.

38000:17:54,225 --> 00:17:56,150Is he all smooth down there?

38100:17:57,597 --> 00:18:01,411Three billion women on the planet!Three billion!

38200:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,813And you have to sleep with the onethat I dated for a year!

38300:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,970Are you kidding me?Are you kidding me?!

38400:18:06,077 --> 00:18:08,433- Robin?!- You think I'm proud of this?!

38500:18:08,536 --> 00:18:12,043- I'm horrified that this happened.- How did it happen? Huh?

38600:18:12,146 --> 00:18:15,110Barney, I want to know.Tell me exactly how it happened.

38700:18:16,307 --> 00:18:17,461You mean...

38800:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,082what position?

38900:18:19,248 --> 00:18:22,993Okay.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it.

39000:18:23,187 --> 00:18:24,901- Hit him! Hit him, Ted!- Stop!

39100:18:25,008 --> 00:18:26,860- Hit him! Hit him!- Stop!

39200:18:26,968 --> 00:18:29,902Okay. Okay.Yore pissed.

39300:18:30,007 --> 00:18:32,091You deserve to be.Fine. You know what?

39400:18:32,196 --> 00:18:35,931One free shot. On me.Anywhere but the face.

39500:18:40,177 --> 00:18:43,023Who punchessomeone in the groin?

39600:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,292Okay. Okay.I deserved that.

39700:18:48,688 --> 00:18:50,130I deserved that.

39800:18:50,628 --> 00:18:52,830But what's important now is...

39900:18:53,285 --> 00:18:55,531we're passed this wholeRobin thing now, right?

40000:18:55,638 --> 00:18:58,121You think that this isjust about Robin?

40100:18:58,227 --> 00:18:59,663This is about...

402

00:19:01,018 --> 00:19:03,003You know, I've seen youdo some bad stuff.

40300:19:03,107 --> 00:19:07,100I mean some really terrible stuffto a lot of different people.

40400:19:07,207 --> 00:19:08,801I just always thoughtthere had to be a limit.

40500:19:08,907 --> 00:19:11,372I always thought I was the limit.

40600:19:11,658 --> 00:19:14,750You're always spouting offthese rules for bros.

40700:19:15,128 --> 00:19:18,103Isn't one of them,"don't do this"?

40800:19:18,297 --> 00:19:21,770Yeah. And I broke it.I'm sorry.

40900:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,500But, Ted...

41000:19:25,225 --> 00:19:27,293seriously, this suiteat the Bellagio...

41100:19:27,395 --> 00:19:29,732I am not goingto Vegas with you!

41200:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,961I'm not going to blow offmy friends and my girlfriend,

41300:19:33,067 --> 00:19:35,721and spend my 30th birthdayin a strip club.

41400:19:35,825 --> 00:19:37,662The fact that you think I would...

41500:19:39,378 --> 00:19:42,200You know, Barney, earlier this weekI started putting things in a box

41600:19:42,308 --> 00:19:45,660and that box was labeled"stuff I have no use for anymore."

41700:19:46,558 --> 00:19:47,793What does that mean?

41800:19:48,197 --> 00:19:49,601It means...

41900:19:49,886 --> 00:19:51,933maybe you belong in that box.

42000:19:53,748 --> 00:19:56,073Are you saying you don't wantto be bros anymore?

42100:19:56,447 --> 00:19:59,312I'm saying I don't wantto be friends anymore.

42200:20:00,725 --> 00:20:03,521Okay, I'm going tostop you right there,

42300:20:03,797 --> 00:20:05,621because it seems like you'reabout to say something

42400:20:05,725 --> 00:20:07,282that's going to pretty muchruin Vegas.

42500:20:07,385 --> 00:20:08,903Ranjit, stop the car.

42600:20:10,515 --> 00:20:11,923I'm getting a cab.

42700:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,982Surprise!

42800:20:58,756 --> 00:20:59,913Oh, right, the goat.

42900:21:00,016 --> 00:21:01,850So funny.You're going to love this.

43000:21:01,957 --> 00:21:04,741So later that night, the goat lockedhimself in the bathroom and

43100:21:04,948 --> 00:21:08,021was eating one of Robin's washclothsand.. wait, hold on.

43200:21:08,125 --> 00:21:10,400Robin wasn't living hereon my 30th birthday.

43300:21:10,507 --> 00:21:11,713When did this happen?

43400:21:11,957 --> 00:21:14,813Oh, wait, the goat was thereon my 31st birthday.

43500:21:15,196 --> 00:21:16,960Sorry, I totally got that wrong.

999900:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00www.tvsubtitles.net

How I Met Your Mother - 3x17 - The Goat.hdtv.En

Documents

Transcript of How I Met Your Mother - 3x17 - The Goat.hdtv.En