100:00:00,440 --> 00:00:02,440oh, my god!200:00:02,510 --> 00:00:03,850i have a tattoo.300:00:03,910 --> 00:00:05,380oh, that's not a tattoo.400:00:05,450 --> 00:00:07,650that, dear boy,is a tramp stamp.500:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,950a tramp stamp.600:00:10,020 --> 00:00:12,390kids, too often in life,700:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,560we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with.800:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,730this is a story about those decisions,900:00:18,790 --> 00:00:22,060and the consequences that follow.1000:00:22,130 --> 00:00:23,730say good-bye, kids,1100:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,570'cause it won't be around much longer.1200:00:26,670 --> 00:00:28,370oh, but ted, if you get rid of the butterfly,1300:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,600how's everyone gonna know1400:00:29,670 --> 00:00:31,670you're a stripper from reno with daddy issues?1500:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,910yes, yes,enjoy these final moments of mockery1600:00:35,980 --> 00:00:39,050because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions,1700:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,350stella is gonna zap that butterfly 1800:00:41,350 --> 00:00:43,250right off the face of my lower back.1900:00:43,350 --> 00:00:45,220-stella? -Dr.stella zinman.2000:00:45,290 --> 00:00:46,220she's the best in the business.2100:00:46,290 --> 00:00:47,620and she's rather cute.2200:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,560in fact... we're going to a movie together tonight.2300:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,590what?2400:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,960i asked her out.2500:00:53,030 --> 00:00:54,400ted, why would you do that?2600:00:54,460 --> 00:00:55,730what's the matter with you?2700:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,760-what?what do you mean? -dude...2800:00:56,830 --> 00:00:59,100don't poop where you eat.2900:00:59,170 --> 00:01:01,340oh, no, this doesn't count.3000:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,710if it's someone you see on a regular basis,3100:01:02,710 --> 00:01:04,810and you can't avoid them...3200:01:04,870 --> 00:01:05,810and in this case,you're paying them...3300:01:05,870 --> 00:01:06,710then yes, it counts.3400:01:06,810 --> 00:01:08,040ted,3500:01:08,140 --> 00:01:09,810you've heard of the golden rule, right?3600:01:09,910 --> 00:01:10,910"love thy neighbor?"3700:01:10,980 --> 00:01:11,950uh, actually,it's "do unto others 3800:01:11,950 --> 00:01:13,950as you would have them do unto you."3900:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,650it's from the bible.4000:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,320damn it, ted, i've worked out this whole thing4100:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,020where the golden rule is"love thy neighbor,"4200:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,730now, the golden rule is"love thy neighbor."4300:01:24,790 --> 00:01:27,430but there's one rule above it:4400:01:27,530 --> 00:01:29,260the platinum rule:4500:01:29,330 --> 00:01:34,100"never ever, ever, ever,love thy neighbor."4600:01:34,170 --> 00:01:35,470well, that's cute.4700:01:35,540 --> 00:01:37,810but she's not my neighbor;she's my doctor.4800:01:37,870 --> 00:01:38,610-so if you'll exse me... -wait, ted,4900:01:38,710 --> 00:01:39,470barney has a point.5000:01:39,540 --> 00:01:42,580remember what happened with me and curt down at the station?5100:01:42,640 --> 00:01:43,850oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us5200:01:43,910 --> 00:01:44,580and the gerards across the hall?5300:01:44,650 --> 00:01:45,810need i remind you5400:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,450about me and wendy the waitress?5500:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,150yeah, i don't have time for this.5600:01:49,250 --> 00:01:51,350i'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair.5700:01:51,450 --> 00:01:53,190good, then we've got a solid half hour.5800:01:53,390 --> 00:01:56,590and in that time,we will convince you5900:01:56,690 --> 00:01:58,460not to set foot out that door.6000:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,630it's a story older than time, my friend,6100:02:00,730 --> 00:02:03,630and it always plays out in the same eight steps.6200:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,630step 1: attraction.6300:02:05,700 --> 00:02:08,370it's true.6400:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,400that's not even possible.6500:02:09,470 --> 00:02:10,610-12 of them. -there's no way.6600:02:12,010 --> 00:02:13,610-here's your gin and tonic. -thanks.6700:02:13,710 --> 00:02:14,710oh, gosh.6800:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,410look at that.6900:02:22,550 --> 00:02:23,620you must be our new neighbors.7000:02:23,690 --> 00:02:24,850-i'm michael. -and i'm laura.7100:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,090oh, hi, welcome to the building. yeah.7200:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,390do you guys know any good brunch places around here?7300:02:29,460 --> 00:02:31,260we love brunch!7400:02:35,430 --> 00:02:36,530you must be robin.7500:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,000curt "the iron man" irons.7600:02:40,070 --> 00:02:41,340i'm gonna be doing sports.7700:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,410oh. welcome.7800:02:44,510 --> 00:02:45,410you look really familiar.7900:02:45,470 --> 00:02:46,810are you a former athlete?8000:02:46,870 --> 00:02:47,980hockey.8100:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,480the attraction is instant and undeniable.8200:02:51,550 --> 00:02:52,950but you know better.8300:02:53,050 --> 00:02:56,450you've seen your friends make the same mistakes before.8400:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,090you've laughed smugly at them.8500:02:58,190 --> 00:02:59,950idiots.8600:03:00,020 --> 00:03:02,060but still, you think,8700:03:02,060 --> 00:03:06,060"this is different.the platinum rule doesn't apply to me."8800:03:06,130 --> 00:03:07,660and that's step 2.8900:03:07,730 --> 00:03:08,660bargaining.9000:03:08,730 --> 00:03:13,430-i think i've got a little crush on our sports guy. -no.9100:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,400-no, don't do it. -no, no.9200:03:14,470 --> 00:03:16,000i know, i know.9300:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,010but he used to play hockey,and i'm a canadian.9400:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,040i can't help it.9500:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,080if he were missing some teeth,9600:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,410i probably would've already hit that.9700:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,550robin, it's a mistake.9800:03:24,610 --> 00:03:26,880remember what happened with me and marshall?9900:03:26,950 --> 00:03:28,380the gerards across the hall?10000:03:28,450 --> 00:03:29,550michael and laura.10100:03:29,620 --> 00:03:31,490they're awesome!10200:03:31,590 --> 00:03:33,120we're gonna invite them over for dinner.10300:03:33,190 --> 00:03:34,120-no! no!really? -are you insane?10400:03:34,190 --> 00:03:35,490guys, guys, guys,10500:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,990this is new york city.10600:03:37,060 --> 00:03:38,090you don't get close to the neighbors.10700:03:38,390 --> 00:03:40,230you nod at them politely in the hall.10800:03:40,330 --> 00:03:42,200you call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while10900:03:42,260 --> 00:03:45,270and you smell something funny, and that is it.11000:03:45,330 --> 00:03:46,430we're not gonna date them.11100:03:46,500 --> 00:03:47,540we're just gonna be friends with them.11200:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,500that's the couples version of dating.11300:03:49,570 --> 00:03:51,470and you've got the couples version of the hots for them.11400:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,510you want to browse at pottery barn with them.11500:03:55,580 --> 00:03:56,680you want to go antiquing with them, don't you?11600:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,390you want to antique the crap out of them.11700:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,520need i remind you11800:04:02,590 --> 00:04:06,360what happened with me and wendy the waitress?11900:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,130i've decided to seduce wendy the waitress.12000:04:08,230 --> 00:04:09,160no!12100:04:09,230 --> 00:04:10,160-don't do it! -request denied!12200:04:10,230 --> 00:04:12,600what rule is there12300:04:12,660 --> 00:04:14,300that says i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar?12400:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,100i don't know. i'd expect you to have one already.12500:04:17,170 --> 00:04:18,740yeah, with some sort of catchy name.12600:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,140well, i don't.12700:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,410i don't have one and i never will be12800:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,770because it's a great idea.12900:04:23,870 --> 00:04:24,880come on, guys.13000:04:24,940 --> 00:04:26,340she's gullible.i'm bored.13100:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,840we're perfect for each other.13200:04:27,910 --> 00:04:28,780barney.13300:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,210we love this bar.13400:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,280if you screw over wendy the waitress,13500:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,080you're going to kill the bar.13600:04:34,150 --> 00:04:36,690-bar-killer. -don't kill the bar, dude.13700:04:36,750 --> 00:04:40,290yeah, well...i think it'll be okay.13800:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,290and it was a huge mistake.13900:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,830yeah, well, i think it'll be okay.14000:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,100and it was a huge mistake.14100:04:48,170 --> 00:04:52,170yeah, well...i think it'll be okay.14200:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,400and it was a huge mistake.14300:04:54,470 --> 00:04:58,040yeah, well...i think it'll be okay.14400:04:58,040 --> 00:05:04,34014500:05:04,340 --> 00:05:10,74014600:05:11,740 --> 00:05:13,010ted,trust me14700:05:13,110 --> 00:05:15,080you don't want to do this.14800:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,710look, stella and i are both adults.14900:05:16,780 --> 00:05:18,580we're both smart, mature people15000:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,150capable of making good decisions.15100:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,220you have a butterfly tramp stamp.15200:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,220we're just seeing a movie.15300:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,420if it seems at all weird,i'll back off.15400:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,420that's what everyone thinks.15500:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,160and then along comes step 3:15600:05:31,260 --> 00:05:33,090submission.15700:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,030night.15800:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,870hey, barney.15900:05:36,930 --> 00:05:39,100carl had to take off.you mind giving me a hand?16000:05:39,170 --> 00:05:42,100not at all.16100:05:43,740 --> 00:05:45,270robin.16200:05:45,340 --> 00:05:46,310i got two tickets to the rangers.16300:05:46,370 --> 00:05:47,380center ice.16400:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,180want to go?16500:05:50,980 --> 00:05:53,210and then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes.16600:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,920we don't have a single pot or pan.16700:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,120guess we're ordering take-out.16800:05:56,180 --> 00:06:00,160want to have dinner with us tonight?16900:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,150-i love them. -me, too.17000:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,060that was an interesting use of the beverage gun.17100:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,160club soda can get anything off.17200:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,400it finally happened.17300:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,170all this time,17400:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,640every drink i brought you...17500:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,240i always felt there was this unspoken connection between us.17600:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,510and i was right.17700:06:52,570 --> 00:06:56,380hey, can i get a gin and tonic?17800:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,710see, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic.17900:06:58,780 --> 00:07:01,720oh, i paid for it.18000:07:01,780 --> 00:07:03,150but you got to admit,there is an upside18100:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,220to breaking the platinum rule.18200:07:04,290 --> 00:07:05,520like maybe as her boyfriend,18300:07:05,590 --> 00:07:07,090i could get a discount on treatments.18400:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,190oh, ted.18500:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,490of course there's an upside.18600:07:10,090 --> 00:07:11,060at first.18700:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,160that's step 4.18800:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,560perks.18900:07:13,630 --> 00:07:15,700we can split a cab to work together.19000:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,130we always have a standing lunch date.19100:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,670and last night,at the hockey game,19200:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,100curt got us into the locker room,19300:07:21,170 --> 00:07:24,140and i met mason raymond.19400:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,070left wing for the vancouver canucks.19500:07:27,310 --> 00:07:29,080what's the opposite of name-dropping?19600:07:29,140 --> 00:07:31,210damn it, you guys.19700:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,250be psyched.19800:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,650yes, we see each other every day,19900:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,380but i think it's going really well.20000:07:35,450 --> 00:07:37,020that's what we thought.20100:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,090and it's so convenient.20200:07:39,190 --> 00:07:40,260they're right across the hall.20300:07:40,320 --> 00:07:41,920say it's sunday,20400:07:42,020 --> 00:07:44,290and we want to have a brunch double date with someone?20500:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,590we just go across the hall.20600:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,030and say we want to have a dinner party20700:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,760exploring the wine and cuisine20800:07:49,860 --> 00:07:51,600of france's loire valley?20900:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,470we just go across the hall.21000:07:53,570 --> 00:07:55,270say we want to play a game of charades...21100:08:04,950 --> 00:08:06,080you just go across the hall?21200:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,320come on, people.get excited for us.21300:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,890we've got a great thing going here.21400:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,490that's what i thought.21500:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,820-dude, you got to flick it. -you don't...21600:08:15,890 --> 00:08:17,130hi, sweetie.21700:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,160i had the kitchen whip these up, no charge.21800:08:21,130 --> 00:08:23,060okay.21900:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,370bye.22000:08:25,430 --> 00:08:27,040i mean, not bye. i'm not leaving.22100:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,670i'll be over there.22200:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,340okay.22300:08:35,110 --> 00:08:37,150come on, guys.free nachos.22400:08:38,580 --> 00:08:39,280what?22500:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,120we like this bar.22600:08:41,180 --> 00:08:42,420don't kill the bar, dude.22700:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,090nay, we love this bar.don't kill the bar, dude.22800:08:44,150 --> 00:08:45,950this bar is like home to us.22900:08:46,020 --> 00:08:48,060-don't kill the bar, dude. -you're killing the bar.23000:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,130i am not killing the bar.23100:08:50,190 --> 00:08:51,330wendy the waitress23200:08:51,390 --> 00:08:53,230has seen how i operate in this place.23300:08:53,290 --> 00:08:54,100it is perfectly clear23400:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,660to everyone involved23500:08:55,730 --> 00:08:58,670that this is nothing more than a temporary fling.23600:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,140it's fine.23700:09:06,210 --> 00:09:07,640but it wasn't.23800:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,110it's fine.23900:09:09,180 --> 00:09:11,050but it wasn't.24000:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,310it's fine.24100:09:13,380 --> 00:09:16,080but it wasn't.24200:09:16,150 --> 00:09:17,750which brings us to step 5:THE TIPPING POINT24300:09:17,820 --> 00:09:20,520...but he should be back on the mound24400:09:20,590 --> 00:09:21,660by spring training.24500:09:21,720 --> 00:09:22,760and that's sports.24600:09:22,820 --> 00:09:23,960back to you, robin.24700:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,290thanks,iron man.24800:09:25,360 --> 00:09:26,230we'll be right back.24900:09:26,290 --> 00:09:28,300and clear.25000:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,200so want to do something later?25100:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,100oh, so you're talking to me now?25200:09:32,170 --> 00:09:35,070what are you talking about?25300:09:35,140 --> 00:09:37,470i'm talking about last night.25400:09:37,540 --> 00:09:39,440you said you'd call and you didn't.25500:09:39,510 --> 00:09:41,180i missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call.25600:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,780that really hurt.25700:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,780um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot.25800:09:48,850 --> 00:09:50,490i'm sorry, sweetie.25900:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,450i don't want to fight tonight.26000:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,360it's our first weekiversary.26100:09:57,090 --> 00:09:59,160on my suggestion,you...26200:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,100hey, wendy, uh,do me a favor26300:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,530and send a glass of champagne26400:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,300to that pretty young thing over there.26500:10:06,370 --> 00:10:07,170what?26600:10:10,340 --> 00:10:12,170over there.26700:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,540you.26800:10:14,610 --> 00:10:17,250you're the pretty young thing...26900:10:17,310 --> 00:10:19,150is what i meant.27000:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,420champagne? would you? on me.27100:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,220oh. okay.27200:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,620thanks, sweetie.27300:10:25,690 --> 00:10:27,990okay.27400:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,360all right.27500:10:33,230 --> 00:10:35,230hey, neighbors.27600:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,100we bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta.27700:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,370um, well, we actually have tickets...27800:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,140and no fiesta would be complete without...27900:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,470dude, actually,we made other plans, so...28000:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,110okay. one word.28100:10:46,170 --> 00:10:47,880two syllables.sounds like...28200:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,380..."parade."charades.28300:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,080charades.28400:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,180what do you say?28500:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,830-oh, no.-oh, no.-oh, no.28600:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,160which brings to step 6.28700:11:12,230 --> 00:11:13,460yeah, listen,i'm leaving.28800:11:13,530 --> 00:11:14,830so if you want to write the rest of these down,28900:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,200i will read it tomorrow.29000:11:17,270 --> 00:11:18,270don't do this, ted.29100:11:18,330 --> 00:11:19,400you want to get out of the way?29200:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,200-don't do this, ted. -all right.29300:11:21,270 --> 00:11:22,370don't.29400:11:22,470 --> 00:11:24,470dude! gah!29500:11:24,540 --> 00:11:25,480it was perfect!29600:11:25,580 --> 00:11:27,410you're such a jerk.29700:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,180which brings us to step 6.29800:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,010you finally realize you've made a huge mistake29900:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,480and now you have to live with it.30000:11:33,550 --> 00:11:36,120step 6 is called purg...wait for it.30100:11:36,190 --> 00:11:38,150keep waiting...30200:11:38,220 --> 00:11:40,490keep waiting for all eternity30300:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,130only to discover there's no escape-- atory.30400:11:43,190 --> 00:11:45,160god, i'm such30500:11:45,230 --> 00:11:46,530an idiot.30600:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,160yeah.30700:11:48,230 --> 00:11:50,870curt "the iron man" irons30800:11:50,930 --> 00:11:52,770keeps leaving me love notes on post-its.30900:11:52,870 --> 00:11:54,540on the teleprompter,on my desk,31000:11:55,070 --> 00:11:56,640on the coffee-maker,31100:11:56,740 --> 00:12:00,780on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker.31200:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,810"here's some sugar for my sugar."31300:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,150the iron man.31400:12:06,180 --> 00:12:09,120i remember that.31500:12:09,190 --> 00:12:10,650god, we are such idiots.31600:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,020yup.31700:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,190every time we step out the door,31800:12:13,260 --> 00:12:15,060they're out there waiting for us.31900:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,990sometimes, we'll send ted out first as a scout.32000:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,630nobody's there.32100:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,330then we'll go out one second later, and there they are.32200:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,600it's freakin' supernatural.32300:12:24,670 --> 00:12:26,740are they ghosts?can only we see them?32400:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,570"hey, neighbor.""hey, neighbor.""hey, neighbor."32500:12:31,110 --> 00:12:32,810hmm, i remember that.32600:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,080how could you guys let me date wendy the waitress?32700:12:35,180 --> 00:12:36,650-oh, you are kidding me. -what?!32800:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,580-don't kill the bar, dude. -we said, "don't do it."32900:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,490my own bar.33000:12:50,590 --> 00:12:54,130i can't hit on women in my own bar.33100:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,330remember the old barney?33200:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,700he was a lion,the king of the jungle,33300:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,900stalking whatever prey he chose,33400:13:00,970 --> 00:13:03,210going in for the kill.33500:13:03,270 --> 00:13:04,470you've got a whole meat locker at home33600:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,110full of corpses,don't you?33700:13:06,180 --> 00:13:07,210now look at me.33800:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,710clawed. neutered.33900:13:09,780 --> 00:13:11,380what was once34000:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,080my jungle is now my zoo.34100:13:13,150 --> 00:13:17,150and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness34200:13:17,220 --> 00:13:20,220again and again and again,34300:13:20,290 --> 00:13:22,290while families pay to watch.34400:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,330yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart.34500:13:25,400 --> 00:13:30,270put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly, kids,34600:13:30,330 --> 00:13:34,470for i am just a docile housecat now.34700:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,810meow.34800:13:37,870 --> 00:13:39,640well, we love this bar.34900:13:39,710 --> 00:13:41,080you can't dump her.35000:13:41,180 --> 00:13:43,110marry her if you have to.35100:13:43,180 --> 00:13:45,820wendy the waitress hyphen stinson.35200:13:45,920 --> 00:13:47,120don't kill the bar, dude.35300:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,360and so, inevitably,you have to do the thing35400:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,390you've been dreading all along.35500:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,660now, a relationship-ectomy35600:13:57,730 --> 00:14:00,060is a delicate surgery as it is,35700:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,170but in the case of the platinum rule,35800:14:02,270 --> 00:14:06,340it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's35900:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,140step 7: confrontation.36000:14:12,680 --> 00:14:16,180curt, we need to talk.36100:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,750i like you...36200:14:18,820 --> 00:14:20,420guys, we like you a lot...36300:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,450i don't like you.36400:14:23,150 --> 00:14:26,190we're pretending this works,but it doesn't.36500:14:26,260 --> 00:14:28,760and i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade.36600:14:28,830 --> 00:14:30,330we're getting a little sick of charades.36700:14:30,390 --> 00:14:32,230i mean, i don't like you that way.36800:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,000i used to like you that way.36900:14:34,060 --> 00:14:35,300but now that i've seen everything37000:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,930there is to see, i don't know,37100:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,100i kind of want to see those same parts37200:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,200just on other girls.37300:14:41,270 --> 00:14:45,140so maybe, we could go back to just being coworkers.37400:14:46,410 --> 00:14:48,980maybe we should just go back to being neighbors.37500:14:50,010 --> 00:14:51,050other girls and you,37600:14:51,110 --> 00:14:52,420if you're into that.37700:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,180but the other girls have to be there, too.37800:14:55,250 --> 00:14:57,220that's the important part.37900:14:57,290 --> 00:15:00,920gosh, you're just terrified38000:15:00,990 --> 00:15:03,730of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you?38100:15:03,790 --> 00:15:05,190Or that.38200:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,130Let's say it's that.38300:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,370So can i get a gin and tonic?38400:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,670And in any other relationship,38500:15:12,740 --> 00:15:13,570that would be it.38600:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,470End of story.38700:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,070But because you have to see this person again,38800:15:17,170 --> 00:15:20,310there's a step 8: fallout.38900:15:20,380 --> 00:15:22,080And now, here's39000:15:22,150 --> 00:15:25,210Curt "the iron man" irons with sports.39100:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,680Curt?39200:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,190Curt?39300:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,860Well, the knicks lost.39400:15:38,930 --> 00:15:41,030It's sad, really.39500:15:41,100 --> 00:15:43,100they had a real shot.39600:15:43,170 --> 00:15:46,940Then, out of nowhere, game over.39700:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,110And why?39800:15:49,170 --> 00:15:50,270Why, Robin?39900:15:51,470 --> 00:15:54,040Uh, well, their perimeter shooting40000:15:54,110 --> 00:15:56,150has been a little bit off this season...40100:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,110The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt.40200:15:58,180 --> 00:15:59,820So they didn't even try.40300:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,150Well, you know what I think?40400:16:01,220 --> 00:16:03,590I think40500:16:03,650 --> 00:16:06,120the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with.40600:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,020The knicks suck.40700:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,170And that's sports.40800:16:16,230 --> 00:16:18,570Do you see anything?40900:16:18,630 --> 00:16:19,770I think we're clear.41000:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,170Okay, go, go, go!41100:16:29,210 --> 00:16:31,150That was close.41200:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,180Too close.41300:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,480You've got to be kidding me.41400:16:34,580 --> 00:16:35,250What do we do?41500:16:35,350 --> 00:16:37,350I have no idea.41600:16:39,390 --> 00:16:40,760Guys, are you there?41700:16:40,820 --> 00:16:42,090I forgot my keys. can you open up?41800:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,160It's just ted.41900:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,960Wait!42000:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,260Hello?42100:16:48,330 --> 00:16:50,170Guys?42200:16:57,740 --> 00:17:01,110Baby, we only have one choice.42300:17:01,180 --> 00:17:02,780Okay, hurry! michael and laura are probably...42400:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,720Hey, neighbors.42500:17:08,550 --> 00:17:12,060Barney, I just want you to know, I have no hard feelings.42600:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,560It wasn't the best idea42700:17:13,620 --> 00:17:14,660for us to get involved.42800:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,130I hope we can still be friends.42900:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,490Thanks, Wendy.43000:17:18,560 --> 00:17:19,830Of course we can.43100:17:19,900 --> 00:17:20,830If you need anything else, let me know.43200:17:24,430 --> 00:17:26,170I've got to hand it to wendy the waitress43300:17:26,270 --> 00:17:27,240that was very mature of her.43400:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,170She's gonna try to kill me.43500:17:30,670 --> 00:17:32,140This is poisoned.43600:17:32,210 --> 00:17:33,480What? You're being ridiculous.43700:17:33,580 --> 00:17:35,040Yours is poisoned, too.43800:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,680She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me.43900:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,280-What are you talking about? -Ted!44000:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,220Look at the facts I dump her.44100:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,120And she says, "no hard feelings."44200:17:43,290 --> 00:17:44,320She's a psycho!44300:17:44,390 --> 00:17:45,790What other explanation is there?44400:17:45,860 --> 00:17:48,560Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy44500:17:48,620 --> 00:17:50,690So you don't have to face the far more likely possibility44600:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,160that she doesn't want to date you either?44700:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,130Where did marshall44800:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,200get that hamburger?44900:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,500I don't know, I guess45000:17:57,570 --> 00:17:59,300Wendy the Waitress brought it to him. 45100:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,900Noooooo! 45200:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,150Dude.45300:18:10,210 --> 00:18:12,220You're welcome. 45400:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,180Wait a second.45500:18:13,250 --> 00:18:14,780You've been sitting here, 45600:18:14,850 --> 00:18:18,190pretending to be the expert on all this, 45700:18:18,250 --> 00:18:20,460but the truth is, the was no real fallout 45800:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,720from your breakup at all? 45900:18:21,790 --> 00:18:23,160Yet. 46000:18:23,230 --> 00:18:24,660You're an idiot.46100:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,130Alright, I'm taking off.46200:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,630-What?! -I have a date.46300:18:30,270 --> 00:18:32,400-Wha...? -You are such a jerk!46400:18:32,470 --> 00:18:35,270Ted, have you not been listening? 46500:18:35,340 --> 00:18:36,970attraction, bargaining, submission,46600:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,080perks, tipping point,46700:18:39,140 --> 00:18:40,840purgatory, confrontation, fallout!46800:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,180these things will all happen to you46900:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,950as surely as they happened to all of us!47000:18:44,010 --> 00:18:45,210it's a rule of nature!47100:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,550well, i'm sick of all the rules!47200:18:47,650 --> 00:18:48,850there's too many of them!47300:18:48,920 --> 00:18:49,950the hot/crazy scale, the lemon law,47400:18:50,020 --> 00:18:51,750the platinum rule...47500:18:51,820 --> 00:18:52,920if everyone in the world47600:18:52,990 --> 00:18:54,160followed every one of your rules,47700:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,590the human race would cease to exist.47800:18:56,660 --> 00:18:58,800yes, chances are47900:18:58,860 --> 00:19:00,060stella and i are not48000:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,400going to live happily ever after.48100:19:01,460 --> 00:19:03,870the overwhelming odds have it ending badly.48200:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,400and when that happens,48300:19:05,470 --> 00:19:07,600it'll be for one of a million possible reasons.48400:19:07,670 --> 00:19:09,170but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try.48500:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,170and when it does fail,48600:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,180so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule.48700:19:15,710 --> 00:19:18,280p.s.48800:19:18,350 --> 00:19:21,550you just made my hair look awesome.48900:19:21,620 --> 00:19:22,920good night.49000:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,390so stella and i went on our date.49100:19:27,460 --> 00:19:29,360but here's the funny thing:49200:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,160turns out, it wasn't actually a date.49300:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,230so what do you mean "it wasn't a date"?49400:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,270she thought we were seeing a movie just as friends.49500:19:36,330 --> 00:19:38,100why would she think that?49600:19:38,170 --> 00:19:39,300did she see your tattoo49700:19:39,370 --> 00:19:41,140and assume you were gay?49800:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,140apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date stella.49900:19:44,210 --> 00:19:46,280exactly: the platinum rule.50000:19:46,340 --> 00:19:47,840stella reads my blog.50100:19:47,940 --> 00:19:50,110no, this rule comes from the american medical association.50200:19:50,180 --> 00:19:53,180doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients.50300:19:53,250 --> 00:19:55,050oh, sorry, ted.50400:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,150eh, it's okay.50500:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,450what are you guys watching?50600:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,120so that was the end of the story50700:20:00,190 --> 00:20:03,160between me and stella, at least for the time being.50800:20:03,230 --> 00:20:05,800but i don't know, looking back on the platinum rule,50900:20:05,860 --> 00:20:07,130i think there's a ninth step.51000:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,130we'll call it coexistence.51100:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,530it's the moment you realize that all that anger51200:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,570and resentment just isn't useful.51300:20:13,640 --> 00:20:14,740thanks for watching.51400:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,840good night.51500:20:17,910 --> 00:20:20,080and you start to let go of it.51600:20:20,140 --> 00:20:21,410hey, guys.51700:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,110so what do you guys have going on tonight?51800:20:24,180 --> 00:20:25,780we're going to have a few friends over.51900:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,150gonna play some charades.52000:20:27,220 --> 00:20:28,750have fun.52100:20:32,290 --> 00:20:33,790and move on with your life.52200:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,660it just takes a while.52300:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,030on the house.52400:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,100thanks.52500:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,00052600:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000000:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00www.tvsubtitles.net