HOUSE OF LIES

"Who's the Client?"

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HOUSE OF LIES“Who’s the Client?”

FADE IN:

INT. MARTY’S BATHROOM. - MORNING

SERIES OF SHOTS - Marty dresses/rehearses in the mirror.

MARTY...and that’s why it’s with profound gratitude and appreciation I submit...

(take two)So, put your hands together and make some noise for Evelyn!

(take three)So here’s to Evelyn. Yeah, I fucked her!

CUT TO:

INT. MARTY’S APARTMENT

Marty jets from the bathroom and heads for the door.

MARTYRoscoe!

Roscoe is in mid-glide on his skateboard, meeting him at the front door.

CUT TO:

INT. MARTY’S CAR - DAY

Marty thumbs through his email behind the wheel.

ROSCOEWhy don’t you get that heads up display where it shows your email on the windshield? Devorah’s dad has it in his Lexus and that thing is sick.

Marty focuses on an email alert.

ON THE SCREENCRITICAL PACKAGE IN LEFT DESK DRAWER.

MARTY(half listening)

Who’s Devorah?

ROSCOEShe’s from New York, and will not shut up about New York.

(noting Marty)“Smallish tits. Decent voice. Smells pretty good. She drives me crazy.”

MARTY(realizing)

Ah, Sixteen Candles.

ROSCOEJohn Hughes is my new addiction.

MARTYJesus.

ROSCOEThat was your generation right?

MARTYRight. I was on the tail, tail end of that mess.

A CHIME RINGS as Roscoe has opened the passenger door.

MARTY (CONT’D)What the fuck?

ROSCOESlow to 30, Dad.

MARTYWhat are you talking about?

ROSCOELaunch me.

MARTYWatch you what?

ROSCOENo, Dad. LAUNCH ME.

MARTYGet in the car! I’m serious. ROSCOE!

2.

Too late. Roscoe is outside riding his skateboard while hanging on to the door. Marty panics then instinctively brings the car to 30.

ROSCOESee you tonight!

The DOOR SLAMS as Roscoe peels off and careens up toward the school.

Marty recovers and processes what just happened. In a very irresponsible way ... that was actually pretty cool.

CUT TO:

INT. GALWEATHER OFFICE - DAY

Doug Guggenheim struggles to keep up with the work load as Hoover slams another stack of papers on his desk.

HOOVERMore financials for the STG model.

DOUGPaper? No Excel files?

HOOVERThey’re dinosaurs, Doug. That’s why they need us.

DOUGCan’t we at least get the interns to input this?

HOOVERCan’t have any mistakes. That’s why we need you.

Doug hears his email alert:

ON THE SCREENCRITICAL PACKAGE IN LEFT DESK DRAWER

DOUGSay, when am I going back out on the road?

Doug opens his drawer and notices a white envelope. He opens it and looks inside.

3.

HOOVERJulianne’s just sending the rainmakers out. We’re numbers guys, Doug. We don’t need to travel.

CUT TO:

EXT. AMSTERDAM RED LIGHT DISTRICT - EVENING

Jeannie is in a heated phone conversation as a woman dances in a window behind her.

JEANNIESlow down. You’re breaking up. No, I’m in Amsterdam. AMSTERDAM.

(pauses)Yes, I’m in that very spot. How did you know?

CUT TO:

INT. PLANE BATHROOM - MORNING

Clyde holds a white Tyvek envelope.

CLYDEI just know. But what the fuck, Jeannie? What the fuck?

A KNOCK is heard.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT(offscreen)

Sir, we’ve closed the cabin door, you’ll have to return to your seat.

CLYDEJust a sec! Jesus. Are you sure you haven’t heard anything?

INTERCUT BETWEEN CLYDE AND JEANNIE

JEANNIEAn envelope?

CLYDEYes, a white, Tyvek envelope!

JEANNIENo idea. And frankly, I don’t give a shit. I’m - Clyde, hold on.

4.

At that moment a Bike Courrier approaches Jeannie.

COURRIERMiss Jeannie Van Der Hooven?

JEANNIE(puzzled)

Yes?

COURRIERFor you.

He hands her a white envelope. As Clyde and the Flight Attendant argue on the phone, she slowly opens its contents.

CUT TO:

INT. KAAN & ASSOC. BUILDING LOBBY - DAY

Quiet as a grave. Marty stands outside the doors to the firm that bears his name. He takes a moment then walks in.

INT. KAAN & ASSOC.

A flurry of noise and activity erupts as Marty enters. Carmen, Marty’s secretary approaches with purpose.

CARMENThey’re waiting for you in the boardroom.

MARTYOK...

CARMENThe limo’s here at 11 so you’ll get to the Beverly Wilshire by 11:45 for sound check. I sent them your speech for the prompter and there’s a backup on your tablet.

MARTYHow’s my afternoon?

CARMENClear.

Marty is puzzled by this.

CARMEN (CONT’D)You said keep it open for Dr. Kaysitch. Afterwards?

5.

MARTYOh yeah.

(realizing)Hey just a second.

As they near the boardroom, Marty pivots toward his office .

CARMENThey’re waiting.

MARTYLet’em wait.

CUT TO:

INT. MARTY’S OFFICE

Marty turns ashen staring intently at the contents of a white envelope. He slams the left drawer and stuffs the envelope into his briefcase.

INT. BOARDROOM

Marty sits at the head of the table with the firm officers, struggling to stay engaged.

CARMENFirst order of business is new business. Newton Packaging?

They wait for Marty but he says nothing. Dave jumps in.

DAVEwe’re resolving two minor clauses in the agreement and it should be signed by end of day. The only sticking point...

Marty stares into space.

MARTY(to himself)

Who did this?

INT. GALWEATHER OFFICE

Doug reads a page from the envelope.

DOUGTomorrow night...

6.

INT. AIRPLANE

Clyde stews, reading.

CLYDE10 o’clock...

EXT. AMSTERDAM CAFE

Jeannie reads in disbelief.

JEANNIEKaan & Associates boardroom...

ALLMARTY, YOU ASSHOLE!

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP OF EASEL SIGN

ON THE SIGNCALIFORNIA GREEN BUSINESS AWARDDr. EVELYN KAYSITCH

MARTY(Voice offscreen)

…and so I’ll finish with Evelyn’s own words:

INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE BALLROOM - DAY

From the dais, ignoring the prompters flanking him, Marty addresses the crowd, occasionally looking back at the seasoned businesswoman (think Patricia Clarkson) sitting next to him.

MARTY“The fundamental goal of any business is to become a monopoly. To vanquish all competitors, neutralize all entrants, subjugate suppliers and employees and drive customers to your door at your price point WITH the knowledge that the universe itself will fight you on every front.” She’s one of the keenest strategic minds I know and a valued mentor. I’m honored to introduce Dr. Evelyn Kaysitch.

7.

The audience erupts in APPLAUSE as Evelyn stands.

CUT TO:

INT. AMSTERDAM AIRPORT - NIGHT

A luggage-wielding Jeannie hands her ticket and passport to airport security.

SECURITY AGENTYou are leaving early?

JEANNIESomething came up.

INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE HOTEL ROOM - DAY

On the other side of the world, Marty and Evelyn lie in bed, sharing a joint.

EVELYNAnd the record still stands. Even today, your study group was the only one to break the simulator.

MARTYWasn’t me, that was Chernyevski. The guy was a math savant.

EVELYNWho recruited Chernyevski?

MARTYMe. He didn’t want to, but I found the porn stash on his laptop...

EVELYNDoesn’t matter how you do it. As long as you do it. And you do it, Marty. God do you do it.

MARTYSo what do you do now? Are you just going to run out the clock in the classroom?

EVELYNNo, I got something.

Marty takes a hit.

8.

MARTY(appreciating)

Yes you do. This is some seriously good shit.

EVELYNHey, I’m a Humboldt county girl.

MARTYCan you hook a brother up?

EVELYNI most certainly can.

Marty settles in, contented.

CUT TO:

INT. WAR CLUB - DAY

Clyde and Monica attempt to engage the Dushkin brothers, one of whom swings from the ceiling on a lighting cable.

MONICANo amount of cashish is worth this bullshit.

CLYDE(yelling)

Hey guys, what’s say we bring it in. Your investors are about to arrive.

MONICAI’m out of here.

CLYDEWait, we’ve got Carlson this afternoon.

MONICAAll yours, stud.

Clyde stares at the mayhem.

CUT TO:

INT. BEVERLY WILSHIRE HOTEL ROOM - LATER

Marty and Evelyn get dressed.

9.

EVELYNSuppose you’re heading back. Galweather was very foolish to let you go.

MARTYYes they were.

EVELYNI occasionally cross paths, or should I say, swords with Julianne Hotschrager. I hear she’s looking to join us in the waste pile of academia.

MARTYYeah, I pissed her off pretty good.I pissed a lot of people off.

(thinking)She wouldn’t. She’s not - how vindictive is she?

EVELYN(icy)

She is harmless.

Evelyn stares directly into Marty’s eyes.

MARTYYou know something about this, don’t you?

EVELYNAbout what?

MARTYThis morning I got a cryptic email.

EVELYNDon’t worry about it, Marty.

MARTYWhy the fuck not?

EVELYNIt’s insurance. Hell, it’s a goddam Chernyevski. You’ll thank me.

MARTYHow do you figure that?

10.

EVELYNYou’re a victim just like the rest of your team. An unwilling participant.

MARTYParticipant in what?

EVELYNYou’ll find out tomorrow night.

CUT TO:

INT. KAAN & ASSOC. - NIGHT

A middle aged Cleaning Woman shuffles through the office emptying garbage cans as a light glows from the board room.

INT. KAAN BOARDROOM

Three white envelopes lay on the table. One more is slid in as Marty contributes his to the collection. Clyde, Doug, Jeannie and Marty face each other.

MARTYSee. I’m in the same boat as you guys!

CLYDENot buying it.

JEANNIEThen prove it.

MARTYWhat are you talking about?

JEANNIEShow it.

CLYDEYeah.

DOUGIt’s the only fair thing.

Marty ponders this.

MARTYOK, I will.

(pauses)If you will.

11.

ALLHey, Wait a minute! No, that’s not cool! What are you up to?

MARTYI’ll lay it out if you lay it out. Come on.

JEANNIEOK, I want to see this.

MARTYOpen’em up.

They all grab their envelopes and open them, facing off.

MARTY (CONT’D)And dump’em out.

CLYDEOK, on three. One ...

ALLTWO ... THREE.

They stand motionless. The Cleaning Woman casually enters the room with a metal waste basket. Her dull, workaday eyes brighten as she smiles and takes Jeannie’s envelope first.

CLEANING WOMANLets burn these, shall we?

CUT TO:

INT. KAAN & ASSOC. LOBBY - NIGHT

FLAMES lick the sides of the waste bin as the envelopes disintegrate in the fire. The group stands around the can.

CLYDE(to Doug)

So how’s Galweather?

DOUGSucks. Kinsley?

CLYDETriple sucks.

JEANNIEWell at least you have something to complain about. I’m in limbo.

12.

MARTYAint all roses here either.

JEANNIEOh please. My heart bleeds for you, Marty.

MARTYHey, I never wanted it to be like this. You all bailed.

JEANNIEWell maybe if you hadn’t been such an asshole!

MARTYWhat are you talking about?

JEANNIEOh come on...

MARTYHey, you laid on some personal shit at a very bad time.

CLYDEHow about Pinkus? You pissed all over that deal with Carlson.

MARTYHe was a mother fucking psycho! And the Douche brothers? I’ll take a dinosaur like Pinkus any day of the week! How’s it going with them now?

CLYDE(beat)

It’s ... pretty much a nightmare.

At that moment, the Cleaning Woman reemerges pushing a cart with four cases.

CLEANING WOMANGentlemen and lady, In each case you’ll find a phone and a laptop. Go ahead and open them now.

The team grabs the cases and pulls out their equipment. Marty holds up a metal key.

MARTYOld school keys?

13.

CLEANING WOMANFor a room in the basement dedicated to the project. Can’t be tracked.

DOUGWhat is this, like a skunkworks deal?

CLYDEWhat the hell. Is this military?

JEANNIEMarty, how can you not know about this?

MARTYI don’t.

CLYDE‘Cause good luck getting my ass a military clearance.

JEANNIE(to the Cleaning Woman)

And who are you?

CLEANING WOMANYou will tender your resignations with two week’s notice at your respective firms and meet at 6pm in the war room on the 4th of the month.

JEANNIEHey, I didn’t say I was going to do this.

CLEANING WOMANYou burned copies this evening. The originals will be destroyed upon the completion of your engagement.

JEANNIEWhat the hell is going on?

Doug and Clyde eye each other, intrigued.

CLYDEWhat’s the pay?

CLEANING WOMANVery generous on the front end. Even more so on the back.

14.

MARTYMore important. Who is the client?

CLEANING WOMAN(sticking to the script)

Reassemble in two weeks.

She begins to wheel the cart away.

CLEANING WOMAN (CONT’D)Oh, and Mr. Guggenheim.

DOUGYes?

CLEANING WOMANYou’ll want to remove the tracking software your wife has installed on your personal cell phone.

The others react to this.

CUT TO:

INT. DOUG’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

DOUGSARAH, WHAT THE HELL!!

SARAHI worry! What if something happened to you? How would I find you?

DOUGI would call you! Why don’t you trust me?

SARAHIt’s different now. Doug, I’m pregnant.

DOUGWhat?

SARAHThat’s right. There’s another little Guggenheim on the way.

DOUGThat’s so amazing. I’m so happy!

15.

They hug as the gears in Doug’s mind grind together.

CUT TO:

INT. MARTY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jeremiah sits at the table as Roscoe shows his friend Devorah the Breakfast Club dance, and Marty paces as he sends a text:

ON THE SCREEN Who is the client?

JEREMIAHCan you please liberate yourself from that phone so we can eat?

MARTYThat phone puts this food on this table and this roof over your graying head.

He puts the phone in his pocket as they all sit down.

MARTY (CONT’D)So Devorah, Roscoe says you’re from New York? What brings you to LA?

DEVORAHMy Dad says divine punishment.

ROSCOEOh blow me.

JEREMIAHNow.

Marty’s phone BUZZES and he grabs it. The DOOR KNOCKS.

DEVORAHHe has a portfolio of high net worth individuals out here who -

MARTYExcuse me honey. Roscoe, the door.

ROSCOEI got it.

Marty reads the text.

ON THE SCREENTomorrow at 8am. Wear hiking shoes.

16.

He opens the door to reveal a fuming Monica.

ROSCOEHey, mom.

MONICATextbook Marty, ignore my messages so I have to come to you.

MARTYHow lovely to see you, Monica.

MONICAI don’t know how you did it. How you turned that goddam turncoat into a double turncoat, but I’m going to find out.

MARTYYou mean Clyde?

MONICAYou fucking well know who I mean. And now he’s gone, I’m in charge of his ADD Aspbergers Vegas psycho freakshow.

MARTYHey Devorah, what was it your dad said brought you all to LA?

DEVORAHDivine retribution?

MARTY(grinning)

Yeah. Divine retribution.

MONICAWell get ready for divine payback, prick.

MARTYGive my love to the Dushkins. And

(sniffs)Do I detect a faint whiff of - could that be SNATCH?

MONICAFu-

Marty shuts the door and returns toward the table.

17.

ROSCOEBye mom!

(to Devorah)You get used to it after a while.

EXT. MALIBU HIKING TRAIL - MORNING

The sun rises as Marty shows up and approaches a female figure obscured by the morning glare.

MARTYEvvy?

Coming closer he realizes it’s JEANNIE.

JEANNIEWho’s Evvy?

MARTYNobody. How did you get here?

Jeannie holds up the phone. On cue, it vibrates with a new text.

JEANNIE(reading)

Take a walk. Work it out.

Jeannie shoots him an inquiring look.

MARTYFar be it from me to argue with the phone.

They start out on the trail.

CUT TO:

LATER

JEANNIEYou know what? Fuck it. I meant what I said. You can minimize it. Call it a “school girl crush,” but that doesn’t change how I felt.

MARTYFelt ... or feel?

18.

JEANNIEHell if I know. But who were you to judge me, Marty? When’s the last successful relationship you had?

MARTYHey.

JEANNIELook, you are just as messed up as I am.

Stops.

JEANNIE (CONT’D)But I thought we appreciated each other. And there was something there too. And I put myself out there to you.

MARTYThe timing sucked.

JEANNIEThere is no good time for you, Marty.

(catches herself)And now I understand that. You are who you are. You’re not trying to hurt anybody. And I know you like me. And I know you miss me.

MARTYI really, really do miss you.

JEANNIEI miss you too.

MARTYBut I like you way too much to -

JEANNIEI get it. I get it.

They hug until it almost becomes uncomfortable.

MARTYAww, Jeannie Beannie.

Emerging from the moment, she focuses on the phone.

JEANNIESo what the hell?

19.

MARTYI’m just rolling with it.

JEANNIEBullshit. You’re way too zen about all this. What’s the whole story?

He breaks.

MARTYOK, come on... here’s what I know.

They hike off down the trail.

INT. KAAN & ASSOC. - DAY

Doug and Clyde set up their office.

CLYDEYou are married to a psycho!

DOUGTake it back. That woman is carrying the future paterfamilias of the Guggenheim family.

CLYDEJesus, she’s knocked up already? You sure she’s not making it up?

DOUGNo.

CLYDELike she made up your engagement? Dude! Get a urine sample, test it and pray she’s lying. Then run like hell!

CUT TO:

INT. DOUG’S APARTMENT BATHROOM

Doug has laid three pregnancy strips on the counter as he grimaces and reaches into the toilet.

DOUG(calling out)

It’s alright, I think I can fix it.

SARAH (O.S.)Let me try.

20.

DOUGIt’s alright I got it.

He puts the chain back on the plunger handle and then reaches down into the bowl.

SARAH (O.S.)Why don’t you just call a plumber? It’s those damn low flow toilets. My father knows a guy who can get us a vintage Kohler...

Doug pulls out a urine-soaked, plastic-covered rag and puts it into the drug store shopping bag, then holds up the strips, examining them closely, his eyes widening.

INT. SECRET WAR ROOM - DAY

The team is seated around the table as the screen comes down and the projector comes up. It’s a video conference and EVELYN APPEARS ON THE SCREEN. Jeannie and Marty are prepared for this. Doug is puzzled. Clyde recognizes her.

CLYDEEvelyn Kaysitch.

DOUGThe “Kaysitch protocol” Evelyn Kaysitch?

CLYDE(to Marty)

Evelyn Kaysitch?

EVELYNNow that we all know each other, I’m going to have to make this brief. I have one word for you.

They listen intently.

EVELYN (CONT’D)Sorghum.

Whispers. Even Marty is puzzled at this. Doug and Clyde start Googling furiously.

MARTYSorghum?

21.

EVELYNI need you to break it down, conduct a full analysis, and put together the strategic plan for one company to corner the sorghum market.

CLYDEWhat species?

EVELYNAll major species.

MARTYWhat company? Who’s the client?

EVELYNNew entrant.

DOUGFor what application? Food, sweetener, biofuels...

EVELYNAll three. Start with a standard Porter model for all applications,

MARTYJesus, that’s a big job.

EVELYNI know.

JEANNIEHow soon?

EVELYN12 hours.

They react to this.

CLYDEThat’s impossible.

EVELYNDo your best. See you in the morning.

With that the screen goes dark. The team stares at one another.

CLYDEMarty, what the fuck?

22.

DOUG(reading)

Chair for Strategic Studies, Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkely.

CLYDEMarty what the fucking fuck? You were in on this from the beginning!

MARTYNo I wasn’t.

CLYDEThis was just a bullshit dance to get us back.

JEANNIEI don’t think it’s that simple.

CLYDEReally. What do you know that I don’t know?

DOUG(eye of the tiger)

I think I can do the linear regressions and the projections if you guys can handle the-

CLYDEI’m out of here.

MARTYClyde, on my son’s life, I’m not in on this. I mean, I knew something was up, but my nuts were in that envelope. And yes, I know Evelyn, but this is something beyond me, beyond all of us.

CLYDESorghum? Since when did we become the Farmer’s Almanac?

JEANNIEI think this is a test. She’s a teacher. This is a test.

DOUGYou mean it’s not sorghum?

23.

JEANNIEI don’t know, but we’re not going to find out unless we do what she asks.

CLYDEAsks? Or demands?

JEANNIEDon’t you want to find out?

Clyde stares at Jeannie and Marty as Doug continues to feverishly pull up data.

CLYDEJesus. OK, I got the Market analysis.

JEANNIEI got the Porter models.

MARTYOK, rain man here has the financials

(eyeing Doug)I’ll consolidate and set up the protocol.

CUT TO:

A SERIES OF SHOTS

7:00PM on the clock

Doug coaxes a trend line through a scatter plot graph

Jeannie renders and tapes diagrams on the walls

Clyde churns out a series of charts

Marty leans over the team and reviews their work

9:00PM

A knock on the door reveals a box of deli and coffee containers.

2:00AM

Clyde folds one of the graphs into a paper hat and puts it on Doug.

24.

The sun rises as more coffee arrives. Marty consolidates the report on his laptop, proud of his team.

5:57AM

Marty SENDS the final Powerpoint deck.

End series

CUT TO:

INT. WAR ROOM - MORNING

The team is spent, but triumphant as they await Evelyn on the screen.

But AS THE SCREEN ACTIVATES this time it’s a man and Marty instantly recognizes him.

MARTYSasha Nicholai mother fucking Czernyevsky.

CZERNYEVSKYMarty Kaan. Payback is a bitch.

MARTYI don’t believe it.

CZERNYEVSKYWhat’s sauce for the goose, Marty.

MARTYStop talking like Mitt Romney, what is this? Where’s Evelyn?

CZERNYEVSKYRelax, Marty.

MARTYWe worked our asses off. We have it. We’ve got the plan. I sent it.

CZERNYEVSKYI know you did.

MARTYWe can walk you through it.

The team stands together.

CZERNYEVSKYDelete it.

25.

DOUGWhat?!

Pandemonium erupts.

CLYDEWhat the fuck is this?

Jeannie smiles knowingly.

MARTYA dress rehearsal. Right?

CZERNYEVSKYRight.

JEANNIESee, it was a test.

At that moment, the door opens and a driver stands by.

CZERNYEVSKYThis is your driver. You follow him.

(to MartyMarty?

MARTYWhat?

CZERNYEVSKYIs this your team?

MARTYI guess it’s up to them.

(to the group)What do you say guys?

CUT TO:

EXT. KAAN & ASSOC. BLDG - MORNING

The team climbs into the limo and drives through the still, early morning streets of Los Angeles.

EXT. US BANK TOWER - LATER

The team exits the limo and enters the high rise.

26.

INT. EXPRESS ELEVATOR

An attendant pushes #73.

LATER

As the door opens, they are ushered to a door that leads outside.

EXT. US BANK TOWER HELIPAD

They emerge to the whining blades of the helicopter. They quickly board and fly off toward the coast.

CUT TO:

EXT. EMMA MAERSK II CARGO SHIP

Evelyn and Sasha wait with a small contingent on the helipad as the helicopter arrives.

Marty steps out and approaches Evelyn, shaking his head.

MARTYSorghum.

EVELYNCome on.

INT. SHIP CORRIDOR

Evylyn leads them on a brisk walk down the long hallway.

EVELYNWe are two miles outside of international waters on a retrofitted Finnish cargo vessel.

CLYDERetrofitted for what?

EVELYNResearch.

MARTYEvelyn, WHO IS THE CLIENT?

27.

EVELYNThere is no client. No ONE client, but rather a consortium of clients all of whom are making a major bet on an epic market disruption.

DOUGEnergy? Nanotechnology?

CLYDEGenetics? What?

They approach a large door. Marty has an inkling.

MARTYWhy are we in international waters?

As the doors are opened, the group stares out into a vast

HYDROPONIC MARIJUANA FIELD

CLYDEJesus, it’s the SS Chronic...

EVELYNThink of all the businesses impacted by the impending legalization and THOSE ARE YOUR CLIENTS.

MARTYAgribusiness, tobacco, pharmaceuticals...

JEANNIEAlcohol, entertainment,

CLYDElaw enforcement and encarceration...

DOUGPizza Hut.

EVELYNAnd much, much more. So let’s get to work.

DOUGEpic is the word.

She moves closer to Marty.

28.

EVELYNSo what do you say, Marty. Did I hook a brother up?

MARTYYou sure did. Straight up Humboldt County.

FADE OUT.

29.