Your legacy ofhopeEnding Violence Against Women

‘ Violence against women is never acceptable, never excusable, never tolerable.’ Ban Ki-Moon Former UN Secretary General

I am so glad that you are reading this legacy pack – because it means that you long for a world where women can live free from violence, and from fear of violence.

Violence against women is a travesty of justice on an

international scale. One in four women in the UK is affected

by domestic abuse, but I have also seen the impact of

female infanticide, female genital mutilation, bride

kidnapping and rape in conflict globally.

The problem is enormous but I fully believe that violence

against women is a problem that the church has the

potential, influence and capacity to address.

A third of the world’s population is Christian. Yet many of

us are not aware of violence against women as an issue.

Restored is working hard to change that; training and

equipping Christians to be agents of positive change.

History shows that global injustices rarely end overnight.

It takes prayer, patience, persistence and partnerships

which is why I am truly delighted that you’re considering

leaving a gift to Restored in your Will. You personally

could make such a momentous difference.

Making a Will is a highly personal matter but if you are

considering leaving a legacy to Restored – thank you.

Mandy Marshall

Co-Founder and Co-Director of Restored

Photo credit: Margaret Chandler

Leaving your legacy of hope

I was in Zimbabwe, working at the time for a Christian international

aid agency. I’d just finished speaking in a church when a woman came up

to me and asked to speak to me in private.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. It took all of my

will not to cry at that point but to advise her to try and keep

herself safe in her home and community. The reality was,

the church was the only ‘safe’ space for her but this wasn’t

safe at all. I was angry that the very place a person should

feel safe had become a place of danger and possibly life

threatening due to ignorance, misunderstanding,

misinterpretation of scripture and patriarchal culture.

In the two hour journey back to the city I raged at God.

‘Why have you allowed this to happen? When are you going

to do something about it?’

Never argue with God. You generally don’t win. I heard the

voice coming back to me staying ‘When are you going to do

something about it?’

We went to her house, a mud hut with thatched roof, and

through my translator she started to disclose all this abuse

that her Christian husband was perpetrating on her. It

was awful.

I asked her whether she had informed the Pastor. ‘Yes’, she

said. ‘What did he say?’ I asked. ‘He told me I should pray

more, submit more and stop nagging him.’ I was so angry

at the injustice, but there was worse to come. She added,

‘I’ve done all of that and he still beats me.’ She looked at

me pleadingly and asked, ‘You are the expert, what more

should I do?’

I heard the voice coming back

to me staying

‘When are you going to do

something about it?’

Why was Restored founded?

Restored is an international Christian

alliance to help end violence against

women (VAW) by working

internationally through and with the

church and Christian organisations.

Jesus was a man who modelled service, sacrificial love

and respect for all; women and men. Why have our models

of masculinity got so far away from him? Violence against

women is driven by abuse of power, primarily male power

over women. Men need to be willing to lay down their

power, as Jesus did – to respect women and to challenge

others to do the same.

Action is needed at every level of society – whether that is

persuading policy makers to recognise the importance of

faith in ending violence against women, and holding them

to account, or an individual man challenging the

inappropriate behaviour of another towards a woman.

By leaving a gift to Restored in your Will, you will be

helping us to hasten the end of violence against women.

Our vision and mission

OUR VISION

is of a world where women can

be free from violence and the

fear of violence.

OUR MISSION

is to educate, train and equip

Christians and churches from

all denominations and all parts

of the world to be able to play a

significant part in addressing it.

“Restored helped me to have a Christian perspective on my experience and on how to move forward. and I have become active in my church in trying to wake up the clergy and staff and to get training underway.”

“The Bible does allow for divorce for domestic abuse” article on our website

has been read thousands of times by women around the world. Here is an

email we received from one of them.

“I genuinely appreciate this article... I am in the midst of a

divorce due to my Christian husband’s incessant emotional

abuse that he brings upon me, and now financial neglect.

“When I became pregnant he became even more

controlling. I reached out to his pastor about what my

husband was doing to me for two years, and also said that

he had cheated on me. The pastor took out his Christian

divorce checklist and said ‘If you do not know if he cheated

on you through fornication then you cannot divorce and you

cannot remarry.’ As if the abuse was not enough.

But I have an excellent relationship with the Lord and He

has given me wisdom to know it is time to walk away. I

stumbled upon this article and it has reassured me greatly

and makes so much sense. Thank you very much.”

“But I have an excellent

relationship with the LORD and

He has given me the wisdom to

know it is time to walk away.”

What do survivors say?

On the night that he attacked me, I was strangled to unconsciousness. My

friend came around and saw my burst blood vessels in my face and I was still

in shock. She took me to the vicarage and I was asked ‘So did you have an

argument then?’ The response simply did not correspond to the gravity of the situation.

I started to support them on social media. In my mind, I

hadn’t really suffered from domestic abuse, or violence.

I started to recognise patterns of abusive behaviour that

I had experienced over numerous years. I added it up in

my head – up to 10 different times of abuse or assault,

including rape and sexual assault. I rarely spoke of the

issues I’d faced, or the effects I was still experiencing, and

especially not in church. I began to realise that the silence,

shame and stigma very much applied to me.

We might like to think that the 1 in 4 women are ‘out there’

– not sat next to us. The chances are that there are women

in your church who, like I did, desperately need to feel that

the church is a safe space to be as a survivor. Through

Restored I have been given the opportunity to talk about

my experience of domestic abuse in the church. The constant

belief in me displayed by the Restored team has given me

belief in myself. I know that sharing my experience, and

the Restored resources, have helped at least one friend

to leave an abusive relationship. There is a long road still

ahead for me, like many women, but I wouldn’t even have

started on the journey of healing without Restored.

The following Sunday, the bruising around my eyes had

come up. No-one at church asked me what had happened

or if I was okay. It was unnerving that I could stand there,

quite obviously having been attacked, and no-one cared

to ask.

The denial was twofold, firstly there was the fact that I

had not acknowledged the abuse myself. Secondly, other

people within the church and my own Christian family

knew about the abuse but remained silent. When I did

speak to people, the response was disheartening, often

dismissed as normal marital ups and downs. In public, he

was the typically charming man; well-spoken and always

the good father and so when I did decide to leave, rumours

spread around church that I was leaving because I had

an affair.

Like many women who experience an abusive relationship,

I ended up in two further abusive relationships. It wasn’t

my fault that over the course of around 25 years I was

financially, emotionally, physically and sexually abused by

men who decided to erode every drop of self-esteem, my

sense of identity and my sense of purpose. My ex-husband

constantly undermined my parenting and made me feel

like a bad mother. That is what abuse does, it makes you

second guess yourself constantly and feel that you’re not

‘good enough’.

“We want to break the silence, shame and stigma

surrounding domestic abuse” – it was that line that drew

me in. I first heard about Restored at Spring Harvest and

If you choose to leave a legacy to Restored,

you will be helping many more churches to

respond appropriately to women like Gwen,

so that they can get the help they need.

Gwen’sstory

We believe that violence against women is a human

issue – not a women’s issue. It is all of our responsibility

to combat violence and our First Man Standing (FMS)

campaign is the only Christian mens’ campaign fighting

violence against women.

1,000 men have signed up to our First Man Standing

campaign, dedicated to respecting women, challenging

attitudes and behaviours in themselves and other men that

perpetuate violence against women.

In the UK, we have trained leaders of more than 5,000

churches. We are, now, scaling up the number of churches

we can impact: having trained the Church Child Protection

Advisory Service (CCPAS) to train the extensive network

of churches they serve. This has included a wide array of

denominations such as Roman Catholic, Anglican,

Methodist, Baptist and Pentecostal.

Our international work has included training churches and

Christian organisations in countries including Argentina,

Brazil, Ecuador, India, Kenya, Peru, Zambia and Zimbabwe.

We have distributed over 13,000 copies of our Church Pack

and it has been translated into many languages including

Spanish, Russian, Hindu, French and Polish. This has

allowed us to expand our global reach and contextualise

to different cultures.

Since we were founded in 2010, with the help of our supporters like

you, we have:

“Through talking with the

archdeacon, he saw the benefit

and the opportunities with

Restored, and it is now part of the

training within their safeguarding

training for the Diocese.

So… it’s beginning to have a

much wider impact.”

A UK church leader, following Restored training.

“The challenge for me is how do

I live as a First Man Standing?

Am I prepared to actually lift my

head above the parapet and say

‘enough is enough’?”

A First Man Standing campaign member.

WORKED WITH MEN ESTABLISHED A SURVIVORS’ NETWORK

Our key impacts

RAISED AWARENESS AND ADVOCATED FOR CHANGE

SURVIVORS’NETWORK

“…I commend the work

that Restored and its

partners are doing,

highlighting

gender-based violence

in our society, and

seeking to tackle it

through positive,

practical measures…

Through the continuing

work of Restored and

other organisations,

it is now our responsibility

as people of faith to

speak out and end it.”

The Most Reverend Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury

We have lobbied the UK government and the UN to have

violence against women recognised as an issue, ensuring

that faith is included in the response and holding

policy-makers accountable. We have, also, spoken at

the Church of England General Synod on a motion to end

Gender Based Violence, which was passed.

By attending Christian festivals and events, we have been

able to inform thousands of Christians in the UK about

domestic abuse. We have, also, delivered over 100

interviews and articles for different media including TV,

radio, print, websites and social media.

Restored’s online survivors’ network has grown rapidly,

with now over 70 women in the network. The network

provides resources to the women, helping them to gain

strength and confidence. The network has also extended to

an online forum which allows the women to share stories,

support and encourage one another directly. In addition,

we are developing a survivors’ manual to give practical

advice such as how to parallel parent or manage

mortgage payments.

Our key impactscontinued

Suzie Flashman-Jarvis

“I am so grateful for the work of Restored. Restored is

continually putting on the light. The wonderful resources

that Restored produces (not least the fabulous pack for

churches) is like giving people a torch which allows them to

dare to look into the dark places, and enables others to speak

of their brokenness, trusting that it will be met by the love

and light of Christ.”

The Right Rev’d Rachel Treweek, Bishop of Gloucester

We are honoured to have four Restored Ambassadors.

Alan Storkey Elaine Storkey The Right Rev’d Rachel Treweek Bishop of Gloucester

Making a will can seem confusing and scary but it can give you peace of mind

and ensure that your possessions will be distributed in accordance with your

wishes. Leaving a gift means you can continue to do good by making a lasting

gift to the world that reflects the values you have held dear during your life.

4 Once you have made a Will, it is important to review

it regularly. Changes in personal, family or economic

circumstances may mean you need to change your

Will accordingly.

It is fairly straightforward to do and need not be expensive!

1 Do use a solicitor

Whilst online templates and commercial packages exist

to enable you to write your own Will, they may not provide

sufficient flexibility. Wills are also important legal documents

and professional advice should always be sought.

If you live in the UK, you can find one through the

following links:

n The Law Society

http://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

n The Lawyers Christian Fellowship

www.lawcf.org/lawyer-search

n If you live outside the UK, the Society of Trust and

Estate Practitioners may be able to help

www.step.org

2 Before visiting your solicitor, complete the Will

Checklist featured as it may help with your thinking

and could save you money.

3 It is important to look after family and friends first, and

then to consider what you might leave to charity. The

next page details the different kinds of legacies you

might leave to charity.

Top tips for making a will

1 RESIDUARY

2 PECUNIARY

3 SPECIFIC

There are several different types of legacies:

This is a share or percentage of the remaining estate after all debt and other legacies have been paid.

We suggest the following wording for a Residuary Legacy to Restored:

This is a fixed amount of money. It can be index-linked to secure its future value.

We suggest the following wording for a Pecuniary Legacy to Restored:

This is a specific asset or item such as property, shares or jewellery.

We suggest the following wording for leaving a Specific Legacy to Restored:

I give ___% of the residue of my estate to Restored, Registered Charity No. 1136774 of 100 Church Road,

Teddington TW11 8QE, for its charitable purposes. I further direct that the receipt of the Honorary Treasurer or

other proper officer of Restored for the time being shall be a full and final sufficient discharge for the said legacy.

I give to Restored, Registered Charity No. 1136774 of 100 Church Road, Teddington TW11 8QE the sum of

£ ________ for its charitable purposes. I further direct that the receipt of the Honorary Treasurer or other proper

officer of Restored for the time being shall be a full and final sufficient discharge for the said legacy.

I give to Restored, Registered Charity No. 1136774 of 100 Church Road, Teddington TW11 8QE ________________

(name of specific asset(s) or item(s)) for its charitable purposes. I further direct that the receipt of the Honorary

Treasurer or other proper officer of Restored for the time being shall be a full and final sufficient discharge for the

said legacy.

Your gift

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Being prepared before you visit a Solicitor may help you to organise your

thoughts. Here’s what they are likely to find useful:

1 A list of assets and liabilities (see next page).

2 A note of any money owed to you and by whom.

3 List of legacies to family, friends and charity of pecuniary, residuary and specific gifts (see definitions on previous page).

4 A note of any property or possessions held jointly with someone else.

5 The name and addresses of the people you would like to be your executors.

6 The name and addresses of the people you would like to be the guardians of your children, if applicable.

7 The arrangements you would like to be made for the care of your dependent relative(s).

8 Details of your preferred funeral arrangements with information and instructions for your relatives/executor(s).

9 Your previous Will (if applicable) and any other documents which may be helpful.

10 A list of questions you may have.

If I leave a gift to Restored, can I have a say in how it’s used?

It is most helpful for us to use you gift where it is needed most but please give us a call and we can discuss this with you.

Do I have to tell you if I have included, or am thinking of including, Restored in my will?

Please don’t feel you have to tell us, we respect your privacy. But if you do choose to let us know, it gives us an opportunity

to thank you, and to answer any questions you might have. You might like to meet us in person, come and look round the of-

fice and meet the team. We can ensure you’re invited to special events. And we can also ensure you are kept updated on the

progress we and our alliance members are making in helping to end violence against women, so that you can feel confident

that you have made the right decision in leaving a legacy to us.

If you’d like to receive regular updates from Restored about our projects and other relevant news, you can sign up online –

visit www.restoredrelationships.org/subscribe

I’d like to include Restored in my Will, but how will my family feel about it?

We understand that family and friends come first. All we ask is that you consider leaving us a share of whatever is left in

your estate once all your specific wishes have been carried out.

What if I have other questions?

Please contact us and we will be happy to help, where we can.

Please do get in touch with us at info@restoredrelationships.org

Willchecklist

Assets (everything you own):

Liabilities (everything you owe):

Your home (present value) £

Land or other property £

Car £

Furniture £

Other household effects £

Jewellery £

Estimated amount in Bank and Building society account(s) £

National Savings certificates and Premium Bonds £

Stocks, shares, bonds and unit and investment trusts £

Life assurance policies (including mortgage protection) £

Pension death benefits £

Death in service benefits (if you are working and it applies) £

Other savings and cash £

Money owed to you £

Anything else of value £

Total Assets (sum of the above) £

Mortgage (current outstanding balance) £

Bank loan £

Hire purchase agreements £

Credit card and store card debts £

Other debts £

Tax due £

Any other liabilities £

Total Liabilities (sum of the above) £

Total assets less total liabilities = estimated value of estate £

Ending Violence Against Women

PO Box 447TeddingtonMiddlesexTW11 1AY

+44 (0)20 3906 3922info@restoredrelationships.orgwww.restoredrelationships.orgRegistered Charity No. 1136774