By Katharina Bishop

Elias's stcry is one oi'perseverance againstall odds. L.r December 2006, I rvas diagnased* ith a malignant brain tumour {Gracie I\r medul-loblastoma). I r,r'as eight weeks pregnatrt at thetime. Afier undergoing several cperations, andextensive r-adiotherapy treattnent, I went intoremission in Apdl 2007. Iluring treatment, I hadlost my pregnancy, and felt a deep sense ofyearning to be given an*ther chance. .loytuily" ifound out I was pregnant again, in Febmarl2008.

I had my first sotl" Kiran" in a hospitatr in Ger-many in 200?. Altho*gh drug-iiee, and vaginal,iris birth was !er]'far removed fiom how I hadenvisioned and hoped that it rvould be. It was avery stressfui and traunatic event tbr tne, and Isuffured tion.r birth trar.rma which took years toresolve.

I knew immediately that I wanted to have ahome n aterbirrh if I had a complication-fieepregnanc-v. I decided to meet with my locai NHSmidwife ibr a prellnrinary chat tc flnd out abouther attitudes towards homebirth. \&'hen I metJulie at my house lbr rny initial eiglit rveek"trooking in" appointtnent. I irninediately knervthat i could trust her. Julie and I shaled a beliefin the inherent knowledge andrvisdom inwomen's bodies.

l had read all the classics on tlaturai birth. M3'research had gir.en me all the theoretical knowl-edge and an int*llectual helief in th* ability' cf awoman's body to give birth naturall-v, gentiy andeasil.v. But, rvith the tralrmalic events of Kiran'sbirlh still lingering in every ceil i:I my bod"v, Iknerv that I'd have to go beyond an intellectunibeli el and understanding of the Lrirt&ing process."I'n this end, I orderetl tirc l{ypBir-th home stutiycourse. lVhen I was 18 weeks pregnant, I starledlistening to the cds every day. I also rvatehed thedvds, and was greatl-!- encouraged by the fiirnclips of w*rnen in late latraur. without any signsof pain or distress. giving bitrhir:yt'uli-v. I faith-fully did the iessons, iistening to the cds andpraciising the tecliniques aimost erer-v- day forthe rest of my pregnancy.

The day al1er my due date, I woke up to abloody show. I knew that losing m5'mucous plugmeant that my cervix was r:pening, which gaveme hope. Wilh Kiran, my cervix had stayeciclosed and 0% el'taced, right tlp to the inductionwhen he rvas a week overdue. On Thursda,v af-tem{}on {6ti'}Jovember, 2008). I felt a rush ofdetermination" and had an intemal chat with thebabS'. I said: "Right, bab-v, I'm ready to meetyou. The next school run, I'm doing t'ith you inm.\ arf i i . rrot irr nry hcl ly.- '

About 5pm the contractions seemed to becoming n:rore regularly. I decided to bounce cniny irirtldng ball, and iio a llw yoga poses to helpnry body along. At nround 6.30i:rn the contrac-tions rvere coming regtilarly, at eighl minuiesapart. I decided to phone rny husband, Cliarlie, atwor"k. When he rvalkqd in the door, I u'as in-

credibly relieved to see hirl, and suddenlf ii .that er,erything was going to be alrigtrit. Just t:

-'m1''ml1fii phoned f?ilm Genrrany. We have :. :'-on the phone every night. i told her that the r -

tractions were now coming legularly at eigl:;minutes apart, but that I still didn't think tha: .was really in labour. :\ smali part of me n a. .:holding on to the belief that m,v bod-v didn'tknow how to go into trabr:ur on its own. She : -sisted that I cali my midr.vife and ask her to ; , *

or.er. i finally gave itr anci called Julie.Julie rvas having her dinner, and asked ir .

was ckay if sire f-inished it before coming t i .:told her: "fJf course. You'11 probably just tc -

l'rn hallucinating anyway, and that. I'nt no-'-, i , ,near having this baby!-' I was convinced :1-,::rvas maybe two centimetres diiated at the t:: - ,and that I certainly ra'asn't going to have tL:baby any time soon. Julie seemed to think ; ,'ently, however" because she finished her ci,:.:.:-in recorcl time and arived at my house at7.4*pm. Ey now the contractions were collt-: .ever,v five minutes. llhariie rvas bilsy filiin: . .pool. I{e had two water cookers plus four s:, *: ,pans with boiling water on the gc at all iin;,The pool was big and took a iong tirne to tl .. : -\rre were sioivl-v getting there. Julie asked r-.wanted an examination. I knew that I shoul:really get into the pooi until I rvas six or Si,:-centimetres dilated, in order not to slou' dc-''r: ."early labour. The lvater looked very invitir,:. ,-I wanted to know holv much longer I'd har. .rvait until i could get in.

www. themothermagazine.co.uk TM33 March/April2009

=,-lfi';,:: During treatment, rccted energloutside of myself,

i.: ga\.e rre a I had lOSt my felt painfut and:,:-. :ncouraging

- intrusive. My

.:- ie. and said: prggnanCy senses were

:1.::i:'1': t' and felt a deep sense of yearning heightened' I was

-,r tnor. ina I

J u compietelyfo-r;r" f-avourabl" tO bg giVen cusedwithin, anclr.r.rlion. You're ^ -^ - r r- ^ ,^ -r- felt a tremendous. a r: o effaced, another chance. surge of power. Ir;... I'd say was in transition.,:,".ut six to I was on mv.ei en centimetres dilated." I couldn't quite take: u at first. I'd never even dilated halfa centi-

:::tre with Kiran. I was exuberant. My body::.,iid really do this! I was doing this!

i kept repeating the affirmations from the1r-pBirth course in my mind: "Your body ig*'.iii€ ta da thi,s. Just let .vour hody tttke charge.j. tirh theflow. Relax. Trust in the body'.s in--;retr +ri,sdotn. " Every time a contraction came,-'l gentlv sway, breathe deeply, and 1et the sen-.:iions wash over me, without any resistance or::;r. Every contraction was bringing me closer:-. :rolding my baby. histead of resisting them, I;;lcomed each one. It was now 8.30pm, ther:llri u as filled. and the contractions were three:,: llve minutes apaft. I r.vas still laughing and. :,<ins with Julie and Charlie, and wasn't experi-;ir'rng an! pain. I had put Kiran to bed before";he arrived, but he heard us laughing and chat-,,rg in the kitchen, and carne downstairs to see;'::t al1 the fuss rvas about. He reaiised that the::iv rvas on its way, and ire insisted that he;" -rnted to stay and obserye the birth. He had'i :tched many dvds of home births and water:rhs u.ith me, and was incredibly excited. I had::sisted going into the pool because I didn't want:- . io* down a labour that was progressing so; el1. but at around 8.45pm, with the contractions

-:":ring forcefully and frequently, I finally un-::essed and got into the soothing warm water. Atirst. I was floating between the contractions,:;r ins fun and laughing a lot with the others. Iti as dark outside, we had lit some candles, and-:e halogen heater was radiating a sofl, golden-.jat. There rvas a lovely, intimate, protective.:l::osphere in the room. I was floating in the;;rm water, and enjoying myself. Around: -:[Fm, the contractions started to pick up pace.

- i:r seemed to be coming almost without a:reak. I had a few very strong ones. Every time. Ili came, I flipped over onto my belly, held on::.the side ofthe pool, and had a good stretch.1hs position felt the most comfortable to me.a'' ery time I was floating on my back or sitting,.:'; contractions felt more intense, so I soon.rcni all m)'time floating on my beliy, holding. n to the side of the pool for support. At 9.45pm::l contractions were coming one on top of the- L:er. and I could hardly catch my breath. I was.--i.ting to feel overwhelmed and highly sensi-:,r e. I didn't rvant to be touched or spoken to. I; eat completely inside myself, deep down, and;:s locused on the sensations in my body" I felt: seat urge to focus and concentrate. All my::entai and physical energy llras directed at myi rrmb. When I told Julie that I felt the ruge to:.:sh. she quickly called the second midwife,i ro was scheduled to help her deliver the baby.

I felt an overwhelming urge to bear down.I'ir body knew exactly what to do. My conscious:rld rvas witnessing events as an external ob-.:n'er. This was a primal, physical process. Any.::erference, touch, speech, anything that di-

TM33 Marc(April2009

knees, holding on to the wall of the pool forsuppofi. In this position, I started to bear down.The urge to push became overwhelming. Mybreath came in short, quick gasps. Julie keptreminding me to "slow down, push gently". Atthis moment, gentie and siow seemed completelyimpossible. I f'elt a huge, all-encompassing rushof energy shooting through my body. I boredown again, trying to breathe as slowly as Icould. Suddenly, I felt a gush ofwater shootingfrom my body at high pressure. My waters hadbroken. It was a liberating sensation. With thenext intense contraction, I again felt a strongurge to bear down, andjust when the contractionbegan ebbing arvay. I fblt an opening, then arelease, and an absence ofpressure. My son'shead had been bom. I heard gasps of amazement,surprise and joy. Charlie anci Kiran were at theside ofthe pool, facing my back. They had thetrest view of their son and brother emerging intothe world. Julie was by my head, encouragingme, and telling me rvhat r,vas going on, as Icouldn't see for myself. There seemed to be along pause, a quiescence of time in which every-thing was suspended. I waited for another con-traction to come and carry my son's body outinto the wamr water, and into this world. Alterabout 30 seconds ofcomplete stillness, I feitanother rush of energy, and a fbrceful ripplervent through my body. The contraction buiit upslowly, and I witnessed it building up and hnallyrushing over me, expelling my son's body.9.50pm: Elias entered the world.

We decided to name him Elias ConstantinRaphael. His middle names reflect the attributesand the jourrey we had been on in order to u'el-come him into our family. Constantin relbrs to

the virtue of constancy. Raphae I means "God hashealed". Elias, and the joumey to get him here,have manifested healing in our lives.

Kiran later told me that Eiias came out with apeaceful expression on his face, eyes closed,justfloating in the warm water, suspended in time.Then he flipped a somersault under water andwas picked up by his father. Stunned, I slowlybegan to realise what had just happened. Mybaby was here. I could finally hold him, see him,smell him, touch hirn. He was placed on mychest, umtriiical cord still attached, and I gazedat him in *'onderment. I couidn't believe he washere. Everything had happened so quickly. I fbltpeaceful, joyful, serene and deeply gratefui. Tenminutes afler the birth, I felt another contraction,and bithed the placenta. I was still sitting in thepool with Eiias snuggled against rny chest. I hadbithed the baby, Charlie had caught the baby,and I felt that Julie should now cut the cord. Thatr.vay, a circle was created that included all threeofus in the birthing process. I felt that Julie'shelp, encouragement and belief in me had beenan essential element in this blissful birth.

Elias weighed in at 44609 (9lbs 13oz). I wentup to the bedroom, had a quick shorver, and laydown in my o\,'n bed. Elias was brought to me,and we cuddled. and he had his first feed. Hekneq'' what to do straight away. It r.vas bliss to bein my own home, in my own bed, cradling mybeautiful newbom boy.

Kiran came in and joined us for a cuddle.When I asked him what he thought of the birth,he said: "Mama, that was SO COOL." He was abit u.orried by my bleeding, initially, but *'henhe saw rne completely at ease with it, he had aquick think and then said: "Blood is life. It'sfine." The midwives left at 1 1.30prn, and all fourofus had a cuddle and then drifted offto sleeptogether.

FIias's birth was an amazing. empowcringand inspiring experience, which tiils me with thegreatestjoy and the deepest gratitude.

The Mother magazirre www.themothermagazine.co.uk