Hitch Ebglish Subtitle
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100:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,300Basic principles.
200:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,300No woman wakes up saying.
300:00:51,620 --> 00:00:54,501"God, I hope I don't getswept off my feet today."
400:00:57,301 --> 00:01:01,621Now, she might say,"This is a really bad time for me."
500:01:03,781 --> 00:01:07,782Or something like, "I just need some space."
600:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,782Or my personal favorite.
700:01:12,022 --> 00:01:14,502"I'm really into my career right now."
800:01:17,622 --> 00:01:20,023You believe that? Neither does she.
900:01:20,102 --> 00:01:23,903You know why?Because she's lying to you, that's why.
10
00:01:24,503 --> 00:01:26,983You understand me? Lying.
1100:01:27,783 --> 00:01:31,384It's not a bad time for her.She doesn't need any space.
1200:01:31,504 --> 00:01:33,304She may be into her career...
1300:01:33,383 --> 00:01:36,904but what she's really saying is,"Get away from me now."
1400:01:37,304 --> 00:01:39,785Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."
1500:01:42,704 --> 00:01:44,425Well, which one is it?
1600:01:44,504 --> 00:01:48,58560%% of all human communicationis nonverbal.
1700:01:48,905 --> 00:01:50,305Body language.
1800:01:50,505 --> 00:01:52,42530%% is your tone.
1900:01:52,905 --> 00:01:56,505So that means that90%% of what you're saying...
2000:01:56,705 --> 00:01:58,985ain't coming out of your mouth.
2100:02:01,786 --> 00:02:02,906Toby!
2200:02:04,426 --> 00:02:05,386Shit!
2300:02:05,506 --> 00:02:06,706Of course she'll lie to you.
2400:02:06,907 --> 00:02:09,507She's a nice person,she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.
2500:02:09,627 --> 00:02:12,107What else is she gonna say?She doesn't even know you.
2600:02:12,307 --> 00:02:13,307Yet.
2700:02:15,987 --> 00:02:18,707Luckily, the fact isthat just like the rest of us...
2800:02:18,907 --> 00:02:23,107even a beautiful woman doesn't knowwhat she wants until she sees it.
2900:02:23,308 --> 00:02:24,907And that's where I come in.
3000:02:24,988 --> 00:02:27,108My job is to open her eyes.
3100:02:29,508 --> 00:02:30,828Oh, my God!3200:02:34,908 --> 00:02:36,828Is this what you're looking for?
3300:02:36,909 --> 00:02:40,709Basic principles: No matter what,no matter when, no matter who...
3400:02:40,829 --> 00:02:44,109any man has a chanceto sweep any woman off her feet.
3500:02:44,509 --> 00:02:46,309Just needs the right broom.
3600:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,510You cannot use what you do not have.
3700:02:57,630 --> 00:03:00,510So if you're shy, be shy.If you're outgoing, be outgoing.
3800:03:00,591 --> 00:03:02,990- I'm not outgoing.- That's okay.
39
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:06,431She may not want the whole truth,but she does want the real you.
4000:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,711She may not want to see it all at once,but she does want to see it.
4100:03:09,911 --> 00:03:14,511So tonight, when you're wondering whatto say, how you look, or if she likes you...
4200:03:14,591 --> 00:03:17,392just remember, she is already out with you.
4300:03:17,712 --> 00:03:21,712That means she said yeswhen she could have said no.
4400:03:21,912 --> 00:03:25,712That means she made a planwhen she could have just blown you off.
4500:03:25,912 --> 00:03:29,712So that means it is no longer your jobto try to make her like you.
4600:03:29,913 --> 00:03:32,713It is your job not to mess it up.
47
00:03:35,913 --> 00:03:38,313The shoes are hot.You went to the place I told you?
4800:03:38,433 --> 00:03:42,833Yeah, but I don't think they're really me.
4900:03:43,233 --> 00:03:46,513"You" is a very fluid concept right now.
5000:03:46,513 --> 00:03:50,034You bought the shoes.You look great in the shoes.
5100:03:50,114 --> 00:03:51,794That's the you I'm talking about.
5200:03:54,514 --> 00:03:57,235The key tonight is hang back.
5300:03:58,195 --> 00:04:00,115Give her plenty of space.
5400:04:00,835 --> 00:04:03,636If she lingers at a photograph, move on.
5500:04:05,516 --> 00:04:07,515But maintain the visual.
5600:04:11,236 --> 00:04:15,796It's supposed to be 64 and clear tonight.
So when you leave the club, walk a little.
5700:04:15,916 --> 00:04:18,117Ask her what she thought about the show...
5800:04:18,196 --> 00:04:20,916what was her favorite photograph,why that one.
5900:04:20,916 --> 00:04:24,196And when she answers,don't be looking at her mouth.
6000:04:24,317 --> 00:04:26,917Don't be wonderingwhat she looks like naked.
6100:04:26,997 --> 00:04:30,318Listen to what she is saying and respond.
6200:04:30,717 --> 00:04:33,117Listen and respond.
6300:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,518That way, when it's your turn to talk...
6400:04:35,638 --> 00:04:38,398you'll have something better to say than,"I like your mouth."
65
00:04:38,518 --> 00:04:40,718What was your favorite one?
6600:04:41,518 --> 00:04:43,518The elephant, definitely.
6700:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,199And all of a sudden,we're on date number two.
6800:04:49,919 --> 00:04:50,999Ready.
6900:04:56,719 --> 00:04:57,919No way.
7000:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,520We're going back in there.You have to smile.
7100:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,200In case you didn't go to high school,hitting is a good thing.
7200:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,720So how does it happen, great love?
7300:05:08,920 --> 00:05:09,921Are you okay?
7400:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,640- Nobody knows.- I'm good.
7500:05:11,721 --> 00:05:14,921Let me get a Bomb Popand a Screwball for the lady.
7600:05:15,001 --> 00:05:19,121But what I can tell you,is that it happens in the blink of an eye.
7700:05:21,401 --> 00:05:23,841One moment, you're enjoying your life.
7800:05:23,921 --> 00:05:27,921And the next, you're wonderinghow you ever lived without them.
7900:05:29,122 --> 00:05:31,122Three dates is all I need.
8000:05:31,722 --> 00:05:35,522Three dates, and I'll get you here,to the high-stakes medal round...
8100:05:35,642 --> 00:05:38,523where eight out of 10 womenbelieve that the first kiss...
8200:05:38,602 --> 00:05:42,323will tell them everything they need to knowabout the relationship.
83
00:06:10,605 --> 00:06:12,925After that, you're on your own.
8400:06:13,525 --> 00:06:15,325But always remember...
8500:06:15,725 --> 00:06:18,526life is not the amount of breaths you take.
8600:06:20,125 --> 00:06:23,006It's the moments that take your breath away.
8700:06:27,246 --> 00:06:29,406Did I call it or did I call it?
8800:06:29,647 --> 00:06:31,646I mean, what did I say, six months?
8900:06:31,807 --> 00:06:33,406And when was her first date?
9000:06:33,647 --> 00:06:36,447So five-and-a-half?God, I hate it when I'm right.
9100:06:36,607 --> 00:06:40,127What is it about guys that makes themwant to screw anything that walks...
9200:06:40,127 --> 00:06:43,328
even when they're going out withsomeone as awesome as Allegra Cole?
9300:06:43,527 --> 00:06:46,127She's only the most fabulous thingwalking around New York.
9400:06:46,208 --> 00:06:47,328Thanks, Young.
9500:06:47,328 --> 00:06:49,648Are you kidding?Of course I'm gonna run it.
9600:06:49,728 --> 00:06:52,928Why should she waste her hearton some Swedish aristo-brat?
9700:06:53,128 --> 00:06:55,009Even if he is gorgeous.
9800:06:55,328 --> 00:06:56,728If he's stupid enough to cheat...
9900:06:56,848 --> 00:06:59,249the world should knowhe's dumb enough to get caught.
10000:06:59,329 --> 00:07:01,649Exactly. I'm in the elevator.See you in a minute.
101
00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:03,809Good morning, how are you?
10200:07:04,129 --> 00:07:05,929Bitter, party of one.
10300:07:07,249 --> 00:07:08,449You should try it sometime.
10400:07:08,530 --> 00:07:11,650Barbados by myself?I wouldn't last five minutes.
10500:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,410It was just what the doctor ordered.
10600:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,930I slept in, I did my yoga,I read a couple of books...
10700:07:17,010 --> 00:07:18,610flirted with my scuba instructor.
10800:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,731- And apparently never left the office.- I know, isn't that great?
10900:07:21,810 --> 00:07:23,810You should've taken someone with you.
11000:07:24,051 --> 00:07:26,051Who am I gonna take with me?
11100:07:26,130 --> 00:07:28,331This is where a boyfriend comes in handy.
11200:07:28,450 --> 00:07:32,731- I don't have time for a boyfriend.- You said that two years ago.
11300:07:32,851 --> 00:07:35,731Yes, and it's as true today as it was then.
11400:07:36,052 --> 00:07:37,651I thought you were on vacation.
11500:07:37,732 --> 00:07:40,932See if these are in focusand have them in my desk in an hour.
11600:07:41,132 --> 00:07:45,332Besides, relationships are for peoplewaiting for something better to come along.
11700:07:45,413 --> 00:07:47,652Spoken like a true cynic.
11800:07:47,932 --> 00:07:49,732I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist.
11900:07:49,933 --> 00:07:54,133You are a realist masquerading as a cynic
who is secretly an optimist.
12000:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,733What are you doing here?What is she doing here?
12100:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,333She works here, remember?
12200:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,014No, she doesn't. Not for another four days.
12300:08:01,134 --> 00:08:02,934- This couldn't wait.- It could.
12400:08:03,013 --> 00:08:04,854What are you doing? Go back to the beach.
12500:08:04,934 --> 00:08:07,654- I don't want you here.- No, really, you do.
12600:08:07,734 --> 00:08:10,614You are becominga sick, workaholic lunatic...
12700:08:10,734 --> 00:08:12,334and this is exactly...
12800:08:12,535 --> 00:08:16,455the kind of nervous, overwrought behaviorthat leads to...
12900:08:16,615 --> 00:08:19,335Pictures of Sebby with a busty brunette.
13000:08:19,655 --> 00:08:22,215A very big raise.
13100:08:22,455 --> 00:08:25,735Jesus. You could find dirt in a snowstorm.
13200:08:26,216 --> 00:08:27,655Comes with the job.
13300:08:27,736 --> 00:08:32,216You know, kiddo, there is more to lifethan watching other people live it.
13400:08:32,856 --> 00:08:35,016Can I help he was cheating on my beach?
13500:08:35,136 --> 00:08:37,536I think it's greatthat you're so good at your job.
13600:08:37,736 --> 00:08:40,217I'm just a little worried as to why.
13700:08:41,656 --> 00:08:43,536Let me worry about that.
13800:08:43,936 --> 00:08:46,857Okay. I want that column on my deskby lunch.
13900:08:46,937 --> 00:08:48,217So you'll pay for my hotel?
14000:08:48,337 --> 00:08:51,657For you to sip mai tais?I don't think so. Get out.
14100:09:03,659 --> 00:09:04,938- Come on.- What?
14200:09:05,139 --> 00:09:06,458- That's good, right?- No.
14300:09:06,538 --> 00:09:08,139No, it was in and it freaked out.
14400:09:08,139 --> 00:09:12,059You know what your problem is, Hitch?You're all about the short game.
14500:09:13,659 --> 00:09:16,739You pick your shotsbased on what you see first...
14600:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,340not what's necessarily best for you...
14700:09:21,420 --> 00:09:22,940in the long run.
14800:09:23,740 --> 00:09:27,940All of us are not married to the womanof our dreams and about to have a baby.
14900:09:28,060 --> 00:09:31,420You know, I'm very happy for you.Just not meant for everybody.
15000:09:31,540 --> 00:09:34,341So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty...
15100:09:34,461 --> 00:09:37,541totally varied, wildly experimentalshort game.
15200:09:38,460 --> 00:09:41,541- I was talking about pool, but whatever.- Yeah, okay.
15300:09:41,742 --> 00:09:44,342Honestly, I just hope one dayyou're able to experience...
15400:09:44,462 --> 00:09:47,941the unconditional love, trust,and openness...
155
00:09:48,142 --> 00:09:49,942that I share with Grace every single day.
15600:09:50,062 --> 00:09:53,542- Is this really barroom talk?- You need to listen to me. I'm serious.
15700:09:53,663 --> 00:09:56,222Because when you get to a placewith a woman like that...
15800:09:56,342 --> 00:09:58,143it's so beyond anything physical that...
15900:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,743when I think back towhen I used to run around with you...
16000:10:00,942 --> 00:10:03,743and chase all these really gorgeousbut shallow women...
16100:10:03,823 --> 00:10:08,623I don't know, it's kind of ridiculousand vaguely pathetic.
16200:10:15,424 --> 00:10:18,344Yeah, I see what you mean. That's pathetic.
163
00:10:22,624 --> 00:10:23,944So, how'd you meet him?
16400:10:24,144 --> 00:10:26,945I was in La Perlajust buying some weekend thongs.
16500:10:27,065 --> 00:10:29,424- And he was doing likewise?- No.
16600:10:29,945 --> 00:10:32,745Actually, he said he was buying somethingfor his mom.
16700:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,066His mom?
16800:10:34,346 --> 00:10:36,946Casey, who buys high-priced lingeriefor their mother?
16900:10:36,946 --> 00:10:39,226Well, maybe he was looking for a robe.
17000:10:39,546 --> 00:10:43,746Casey, he was hitting on you whilehe was buying lingerie for another woman.
17100:10:44,626 --> 00:10:48,146- I prefer the mother story.
- I know you do, but that's not the point.
17200:10:48,346 --> 00:10:51,427No, the point is I'm not gonna start outassuming the guy's a liar.
17300:10:51,547 --> 00:10:54,067- Why not?- Because that's how you wind up...
17400:10:55,347 --> 00:10:57,227Like me? Is that what you were gonna say?
17500:10:57,347 --> 00:10:59,747No. I was gonna say, "Like you."
17600:11:00,147 --> 00:11:01,947- What's his name?- Why?
17700:11:02,467 --> 00:11:04,748- I'm gonna Google him.- No. Google your own guy.
17800:11:04,868 --> 00:11:06,748Let's just see if his mother's still alive.
17900:11:06,868 --> 00:11:09,668- So when is Grace due again?- Soon.
180
00:11:10,148 --> 00:11:12,548- You excited?- What'd you say?
18100:11:12,868 --> 00:11:15,348Do you want me to go get themand bring them over here?
18200:11:15,429 --> 00:11:16,548No, don't do that.
18300:11:16,629 --> 00:11:20,548Are you saying you don't wanna talk to thembecause you can't go home with them?
18400:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,749I'm just trying to keep my head above water.
18500:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,549- Have you heard of the Date Doctor?- Urban myth.
18600:11:25,669 --> 00:11:26,869- Really?- Absolutely.
18700:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,469I was hoping he also helped women.
18800:11:28,629 --> 00:11:31,550Casey, you're not sick. You're single.
18900:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,070You just have to relax and enjoy the ride.
19000:11:34,150 --> 00:11:36,230I haven't been ridden in months.
19100:11:39,271 --> 00:11:43,950On that happy note, I'm gonna go seeif anybody interesting came in tonight.
19200:11:44,151 --> 00:11:46,231- You mean, besides me.- Right.
19300:11:46,871 --> 00:11:47,751Bye.
19400:11:47,831 --> 00:11:50,151I'll go get those girls,bring them over here...
19500:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,471and we'll have a conversationlike human beings.
19600:11:52,551 --> 00:11:56,151Then you're gonna home,and I'll take them back to my apartment.
19700:11:56,151 --> 00:12:00,472
Well, that sounds like fun for me.But you might want to get in line, pal.
19800:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,352- Hey, girl.- Hey, how are you?
19900:12:05,033 --> 00:12:09,153Hey, baby, can I get a couple Coronasat the pool table, please? Thanks.
20000:12:09,273 --> 00:12:10,552Excuse me.
20100:12:13,152 --> 00:12:14,873Lime wedges in the bottle's fine.
20200:12:14,953 --> 00:12:17,273Hey, asshole, I don't work here.
20300:12:21,353 --> 00:12:26,153I'm sorry. The paramedics will have to cometo get my foot out of my mouth, sweetheart.
20400:12:26,234 --> 00:12:28,473Just don't let it happen again.
20500:12:28,554 --> 00:12:30,954- I knew you didn't work here.- You did?
20600:12:31,154 --> 00:12:34,475How else was I supposed to get you awayfrom all those guys?
20700:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,355Why would you want to do that?
20800:12:37,755 --> 00:12:41,035Some guys naturally develop a comfortwith the opposite sex.
20900:12:41,275 --> 00:12:44,955They like women, women like them.Everything flows naturally.
21000:12:45,755 --> 00:12:49,156Back in college, I was just not one of them.
21100:12:53,436 --> 00:12:56,236I seemed to lack the basic understanding...
21200:12:56,356 --> 00:12:58,756that my peers just intuitively grasped.
21300:12:58,956 --> 00:13:03,276But like any late bloomer,I was eager to make up for lost time.
21400:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,957
Her name was Cressida Baylor.
21500:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,958Can you tell mewhere the registration building is?
21600:13:16,358 --> 00:13:18,637And my life would never be the same.
21700:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,158- I'm Alex.- Cressida.
21800:13:24,359 --> 00:13:26,558What we had was beautiful.
21900:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,559I love you.
22000:13:36,159 --> 00:13:37,839I love you so much.
22100:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,640I love you, too, Alex.
22200:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,680I know you don't love meas much as I love you.
22300:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,440But that's okay.I'm just glad you love me at all.
224
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,761In retrospect,I guess I may have come on a little strong.
22500:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,161But the experience taught me a lot.
22600:14:03,281 --> 00:14:04,482Cressida!
22700:14:08,162 --> 00:14:09,762What are you doing?
22800:14:09,962 --> 00:14:11,282I'm sorry, Alex.
22900:14:11,361 --> 00:14:15,562But I love you. What did I do wrong?Just tell me what I did wrong.
23000:14:15,762 --> 00:14:17,763You're doing it right now.
23100:14:18,762 --> 00:14:20,243Alex, I'm sorry.
23200:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,763And it's an educationI feel obliged to pass on to my fellow men.
23300:14:31,443 --> 00:14:35,444
Because with no guile and no game,there's no girl.
23400:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,364If ever a man born was without game...
23500:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,844it was Albert Brennaman.
23600:15:06,366 --> 00:15:10,966My business is 100%% referraland, thus far, untraceable.
23700:15:11,047 --> 00:15:12,766And if there's one thing I've learned...
23800:15:12,967 --> 00:15:16,487when you orchestrate, coordinate,and otherwise mess with fate...
23900:15:16,566 --> 00:15:18,967it's best to fly under the radar.
24000:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,770I hope she's single'cause I don't do break-ups.
24100:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,770Hi. Thank you for seeing me.
24200:15:59,851 --> 00:16:03,170Yeah, no.
I mean, she just got out of a relationship.
24300:16:03,691 --> 00:16:06,570Is that a problem?Because if it is, that's fine.
24400:16:06,651 --> 00:16:08,891I'm a little uncomfortable with this anyway.
24500:16:08,971 --> 00:16:13,051Definitely been hurt a lot.I had a lot of bad experiences.
24600:16:13,171 --> 00:16:16,491Some good ones.But definitely a lot of bad ones.
24700:16:17,171 --> 00:16:21,052I'm desperate, basically.I mean, not in general, you understand?
24800:16:21,172 --> 00:16:24,772You know, not just for anybody.But, man, for her... Yeah.
24900:16:25,172 --> 00:16:27,452Why don't you tell me about her?
25000:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,572Let's see, what can I say?
25100:16:30,972 --> 00:16:34,493
My company handles her finances.I'm her tax consultant.
25200:16:34,973 --> 00:16:38,173Well, I'm one of them.I'm the junior man on the account.
25300:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,573- So does she know you're interested?- No.
25400:16:44,573 --> 00:16:45,694Alive?
25500:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,174I lent her my pen once.
25600:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,774Shoot. Does anyone have a pen?
25700:16:50,974 --> 00:16:54,254- Here, take mine.- Albert, you're crushing my arm.
25800:16:54,375 --> 00:16:56,774Sorry about that. Here you go, Allegra.
25900:16:59,855 --> 00:17:02,495Allegra? As in Allegra Cole?
26000:17:02,575 --> 00:17:05,295
Yeah, I realize that I'm not her usual type.
26100:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,975Well, her last boyfriend owned Swedenor something.
26200:17:09,176 --> 00:17:10,776And that guy was a bum.
26300:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,776He didn't seem likea very nice person to me.
26400:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,776You swing for the fence.
26500:17:16,976 --> 00:17:20,176Look, you don't think I triedtalking myself out of this?
26600:17:20,257 --> 00:17:23,976I mean, you don't think I knowhow ridiculous this is? I know, okay?
26700:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,377I just thought that maybe with your help...
26800:17:29,377 --> 00:17:33,177You know what?I'm really sorry I wasted your time.
269
00:17:44,178 --> 00:17:46,178Hold on a second, Albert.
27000:17:48,579 --> 00:17:52,499You know what it's likegetting up every morning feeling hopeless?
27100:17:52,659 --> 00:17:56,099Feeling like the love of your lifeis waking up with the wrong man?
27200:17:56,179 --> 00:18:00,859But at the same time,hoping that she still finds happiness...
27300:18:01,379 --> 00:18:04,100even if it's never gonna be with you?
27400:18:05,380 --> 00:18:08,100You are flat-out...
27500:18:08,860 --> 00:18:11,980out of your mind. You know that?
27600:18:15,701 --> 00:18:17,061That's good.
27700:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,301It is?
27800:18:20,181 --> 00:18:22,501
You ever heard of Michelangelo?
27900:18:22,581 --> 00:18:24,662Heard of the Sistine Chapel?
28000:18:26,181 --> 00:18:27,581Michelangelo.
28100:18:28,501 --> 00:18:29,982Sistine Chapel.
28200:18:30,181 --> 00:18:31,862You saying you can do this?
28300:18:31,982 --> 00:18:35,382My name is Alex Hitchens.Let's go paint that ceiling.
28400:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,065Take it easy.
28500:19:06,384 --> 00:19:07,785Oh, my God!
28600:19:51,788 --> 00:19:54,188Well, it looks like I'm still rich.
28700:19:57,708 --> 00:20:01,869But what I would really like,and what I was wondering is...
28800:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,989if I could have $500,000to invest on my own.
28900:20:08,989 --> 00:20:12,870And what were you thinkingof investing in, Allegra?
29000:20:14,269 --> 00:20:18,790Well, it's somethingthat I really have a passion for.
29100:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,791Daydreams are for private time.
29200:20:27,191 --> 00:20:29,391When you're in the room, be in the room.
29300:20:29,391 --> 00:20:32,871Concentrate. Focus.Women respond when you respond to them.
29400:20:33,071 --> 00:20:35,791My friend Maggie is a talented designer.
29500:20:36,191 --> 00:20:40,392I've seen the business planand the samples look fantastic.
29600:20:41,391 --> 00:20:45,312And I would really like to get involved.
29700:20:49,792 --> 00:20:51,392I'll tell you what.
298
00:20:51,513 --> 00:20:55,993Let us come up with a range of investmentsthat we think you might be interested in...
29900:20:56,113 --> 00:20:59,594and next month,we'll run the whole lot of them by you.
30000:21:02,513 --> 00:21:03,513Okay.
30100:21:03,593 --> 00:21:05,994Fine. Thank you. All right, gentlemen.
30200:21:06,514 --> 00:21:08,994Let's go over this one more time.What is the objective?
30300:21:09,073 --> 00:21:10,514Shock and awe.
30400:21:10,594 --> 00:21:13,394That was shockingly awful.What is the objective?
30500:21:13,514 --> 00:21:14,594Shock and awe.
30600:21:14,675 --> 00:21:16,995What is the objective?
307
00:21:17,795 --> 00:21:20,395- Excuse me, sir.- Yes, Albert?
30800:21:27,796 --> 00:21:30,875I don't really agree with that.
30900:21:30,995 --> 00:21:33,396You don't really agree with what?
31000:21:39,796 --> 00:21:43,076I think if you want to invest $500,000in your friend's business...
31100:21:43,196 --> 00:21:44,596that's exactly what you should do.
31200:21:44,677 --> 00:21:47,397You don't need us to tell you what to do.
31300:21:47,517 --> 00:21:50,397We're a board of advisers,not your kindergarten teachers.
31400:21:50,597 --> 00:21:52,677If you want to be taken seriouslyas an adult...
31500:21:52,797 --> 00:21:55,078then start taking yourself seriouslyas an adult...
31600:21:55,198 --> 00:21:57,997instead of asking for permissionto invest your own money...
31700:21:58,198 --> 00:22:00,678from a boardroomfull of your daddy's golf buddies.
31800:22:00,918 --> 00:22:02,518- That's quite enough!- I'm not finished.
31900:22:02,598 --> 00:22:06,678I'd like to see anybody in this roomhandle the attention and publicity...
32000:22:06,798 --> 00:22:10,279that she's had to deal with her whole life,with half her class.
32100:22:12,599 --> 00:22:16,519We should be taking advice from you,Miss Cole. Not the other way around.
32200:22:16,599 --> 00:22:19,200- Sit down...- No! You know what? I quit!
32300:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,520Oh, my God.
32400:22:40,201 --> 00:22:42,801Just breathe. How'd it go?
32500:22:43,001 --> 00:22:46,401I yelled at her. I screamed at my boss!I quit my job!
32600:22:46,921 --> 00:22:48,602- What?- You said...
32700:22:48,922 --> 00:22:51,401- I gotta go back.- No, I didn't tell you to quit.
32800:22:51,482 --> 00:22:53,202Relax. Okay, listen, we're fine.
32900:22:53,321 --> 00:22:55,602- Would you let me go?- Albert, no!
33000:22:57,003 --> 00:22:59,723Just relax! Okay?
33100:23:00,202 --> 00:23:03,403- Just let it marinate for a second. Trust me.- No!
33200:23:13,404 --> 00:23:15,324Relax.
333
00:23:15,403 --> 00:23:17,484- It's Allegra Cole.- Answer it.
33400:23:17,604 --> 00:23:21,004- Could I speak to you a second?- Answer the door, Albert.
33500:23:25,205 --> 00:23:26,404Yes. Hi.
33600:23:27,204 --> 00:23:28,605What's up?
33700:23:28,925 --> 00:23:30,685Listen, Albert, right?
33800:23:31,485 --> 00:23:36,205- People don't usually talk to me like that.- Close your mouth, man.
33900:23:36,285 --> 00:23:38,805Let me rephrase that.
34000:23:39,005 --> 00:23:41,725People never talk to me like that.
34100:23:43,205 --> 00:23:44,406Stand up.
34200:23:44,406 --> 00:23:47,086I guess it's kind of scary for them.
34300:23:47,886 --> 00:23:51,606But that's why I really appreciatewhat you did in there.
34400:23:53,007 --> 00:23:54,807But I was wondering...
34500:23:54,927 --> 00:23:58,927do you think that you and I couldget together sometime this week?
34600:24:00,927 --> 00:24:03,487You know, to go over things.
34700:24:04,408 --> 00:24:06,127Financial things.
34800:24:06,207 --> 00:24:10,208I'd like to see the areaswhere I can afford to take some risks.
34900:24:10,288 --> 00:24:12,608- Check your schedule.- I'll check my schedule.
35000:24:12,608 --> 00:24:15,888Great. Let me give you my number.Do you have a pen?
35100:24:16,208 --> 00:24:18,209I don't think I have one.
35200:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,609- Yes, I do.- Great.
35300:24:36,290 --> 00:24:38,010And call me Allegra.
35400:24:40,410 --> 00:24:43,090- You're done.- Goodbye.
35500:24:46,691 --> 00:24:47,890Good job.
35600:24:50,691 --> 00:24:51,731Oh, damn.
35700:25:12,292 --> 00:25:16,533She's some kind of newspaper columnist.Comes in here once in a while. Great tipper.
35800:25:16,612 --> 00:25:17,613What's her drink?
35900:25:17,733 --> 00:25:20,933Usually beer.Tonight, Grey Goose martini, dirty.
36000:25:30,814 --> 00:25:31,814Hi.
361
00:25:33,614 --> 00:25:35,215I noticed your glass was getting low...
36200:25:35,414 --> 00:25:38,215so I took the libertyof bringing you another apple martini.
36300:25:38,294 --> 00:25:39,215Thank you.
36400:25:39,335 --> 00:25:43,215And I couldn't help but noticeyou look a lot like my next girlfriend.
36500:25:43,815 --> 00:25:46,135- What's your name?- They call me Chip.
36600:25:46,295 --> 00:25:48,415You can't get them to stop?
36700:25:49,495 --> 00:25:50,615That was funny.
36800:25:50,816 --> 00:25:54,136Listen, I understand the courage it takesto walk across a room...
36900:25:54,216 --> 00:25:56,615and try to generate a relationshipout of thin air.
37000:25:56,696 --> 00:26:00,416- So don't take the following personally.- You have fantastic eyes.
37100:26:01,736 --> 00:26:03,616Thanks. Try to listen.
37200:26:03,737 --> 00:26:07,497This is no reflection on you.I'm just not interested.
37300:26:07,817 --> 00:26:10,217But thank you for the complimentof coming over.
37400:26:10,297 --> 00:26:13,017You're welcome.So do you like Cuban food?
37500:26:13,817 --> 00:26:17,497Chip, seriously, that was not code for,"I wish you'd try harder."
37600:26:17,737 --> 00:26:21,618Are you always so shut-down and afraidthat the right man might make you...
37700:26:21,738 --> 00:26:23,738Feel like a natural woman?
37800:26:24,538 --> 00:26:27,618
Sorry I'm late, honey.I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?
37900:26:27,738 --> 00:26:31,219Well, there was a beginning,a middle, and an end.
38000:26:31,619 --> 00:26:33,498Nice to meet you, Chip.
38100:26:38,619 --> 00:26:39,900You, too.
38200:26:42,819 --> 00:26:45,419On the one hand,it is very difficult for a man...
38300:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,139to even speak to someonewho looks like you.
38400:26:48,220 --> 00:26:51,340But on the other hand,should that be your problem?
38500:26:51,420 --> 00:26:53,820So life's kind of hard all around.
38600:26:54,421 --> 00:26:56,701Not if you pay attention.
38700:26:58,420 --> 00:27:00,301You're sending all the right signals:
38800:27:00,421 --> 00:27:03,742No earrings, heels under two inches,your hair is pulled back...
38900:27:03,901 --> 00:27:07,422wearing reading glasses with no book,drinking a Grey Goose martini...
39000:27:07,422 --> 00:27:10,621which means you had a hell of a weekand a beer just wouldn't do it.
39100:27:10,702 --> 00:27:12,022If that wasrt clear enough...
39200:27:12,141 --> 00:27:16,022there's always the "fuck off"that you have stamped on your forehead.
39300:27:16,222 --> 00:27:20,303Who'd believe there's a man out therethat can sit by a woman he doesn't know...
39400:27:20,423 --> 00:27:24,423and genuinely be interested in who she is,what she does, without his own agenda?
39500:27:24,423 --> 00:27:27,343I wouldn't even know
what that would look like.
39600:27:27,423 --> 00:27:29,343So what would a guy like that say?
39700:27:29,503 --> 00:27:32,703He'd say, "My name is Alex Hitchensand I'm a consultant."
39800:27:32,943 --> 00:27:34,623But she wouldn't be interested in that...
39900:27:34,824 --> 00:27:37,104because she'd be counting the secondsuntil he left.
40000:27:37,223 --> 00:27:39,624Thinking he was like every other guy.
40100:27:39,824 --> 00:27:42,824Which, life experience has taught her,is a virtual certainty.
40200:27:43,024 --> 00:27:45,624But then he'd ask her nameand what she did for a living...
40300:27:45,744 --> 00:27:47,825and she might blow him off.
404
00:27:48,024 --> 00:27:49,824Or she might say...
40500:27:54,145 --> 00:27:57,825I'm Sara Melas.I run the gossip column at the Standard.
40600:27:58,025 --> 00:28:00,826And then he'd askall these penetrating questions about her...
40700:28:00,945 --> 00:28:04,025because he was sincerely,if atypically, interested.
40800:28:04,146 --> 00:28:05,226No.
40900:28:05,506 --> 00:28:07,826- No?- He'd be interested.
41000:28:09,227 --> 00:28:11,226But he'd see that there was no way...
41100:28:11,426 --> 00:28:15,026he could possibly make her realizethat he was for real.
41200:28:15,107 --> 00:28:20,027Well, he could be funny and charmingand refreshingly original.
41300:28:20,947 --> 00:28:22,307Wouldrt help.
41400:28:22,427 --> 00:28:25,427- Don't you hate it when that happens?- Not really.
41500:28:25,508 --> 00:28:29,028They'd both probably go onto lead the lives they were headed toward.
41600:28:29,228 --> 00:28:31,908My guess is they'd do just fine.
41700:28:33,908 --> 00:28:36,828It's a pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas.
41800:28:41,748 --> 00:28:45,029Grey Goose martinifrom the gentleman who just left.
41900:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,749Is that for me?
42000:28:54,430 --> 00:28:55,429What?
42100:29:10,151 --> 00:29:12,231Vance Munson. Sorry I'm late.
422
00:29:13,231 --> 00:29:16,031No, not a problem.
42300:29:17,231 --> 00:29:18,952Wow, you're the...
42400:29:19,831 --> 00:29:23,432- Can I get you something to drink, Mr...- No, I'm fine, thank you.
42500:29:23,511 --> 00:29:25,352So, tell me about her.
42600:29:27,632 --> 00:29:29,353Have you ever met someone...
42700:29:29,432 --> 00:29:32,032and you knew right awayshe was gonna be important to you?
42800:29:32,233 --> 00:29:35,432Not just because of her looks,but that X factor.
42900:29:36,433 --> 00:29:37,913How'd you meet her?
43000:29:38,033 --> 00:29:41,353Actually, I was in a shopbuying pajamas for my mom.
43100:29:41,433 --> 00:29:43,233And by that, of course, you mean...
43200:29:43,353 --> 00:29:46,153you were buying lingeriefor another woman.
43300:29:47,434 --> 00:29:50,954Yes. You can't helpwhere you meet somebody.
43400:29:51,634 --> 00:29:54,034And the lingerie is for a womanI'm no longer seeing.
43500:29:54,234 --> 00:29:56,954But anyway, the girl I met,the one I was talking about...
43600:29:57,035 --> 00:29:59,635she's so sweet, funny, Southern.
43700:29:59,834 --> 00:30:02,635She gives me her number.Now she won't return my phone calls.
43800:30:02,835 --> 00:30:06,315I don't know what it is about her.I just can't get her out of my mind.
43900:30:06,435 --> 00:30:10,316You know, food has lost its taste.Colors, they seem dull.
440
00:30:10,436 --> 00:30:14,035Things that used to matter...I don't know, they just no longer do.
44100:30:14,236 --> 00:30:17,036I think things aren't gonna snap backunless I...
44200:30:18,836 --> 00:30:20,556Unless I bang her.
44300:30:22,637 --> 00:30:23,916Excuse me?
44400:30:25,637 --> 00:30:28,957You know, bang her. Clear my head.Get in, get off, get out.
44500:30:31,637 --> 00:30:34,718I think you may have misunderstoodwhat I do exactly.
44600:30:34,838 --> 00:30:37,438No, I was told you help guys get in there.
44700:30:37,517 --> 00:30:39,438Right. But, see, here's the thing.
44800:30:39,517 --> 00:30:42,838My clients actually like women.
449
00:30:45,438 --> 00:30:47,758Hit it and quit it is not my thing.
45000:30:47,838 --> 00:30:51,639Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi.I need professional help.
45100:30:51,758 --> 00:30:54,439Well, that is for damn certain.
45200:30:54,839 --> 00:30:59,240And I'm glad you can admit itbecause generally that's the hardest part.
45300:31:02,039 --> 00:31:05,039You see what I'm doing?This is what I'm about.
45400:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,040Power suit, power tie, power steering.
45500:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,040People can wince, cry, beg,but eventually they do what I want.
45600:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,921So that's, like, a metaphor.
45700:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,121Well, I'm more of a literal kind of guy.
458
00:31:21,241 --> 00:31:22,961So when I do this...
45900:31:24,961 --> 00:31:29,041this is more like me sayingthat I will literally break your shit off...
46000:31:29,121 --> 00:31:31,842if you ever touch me again. Okay, pumpkin?
46100:31:31,922 --> 00:31:33,122Got it.
46200:31:40,842 --> 00:31:42,722No.
46300:31:42,842 --> 00:31:46,963Pablo, I can't just mention your restaurant.Somebody has to eat there.
46400:31:47,043 --> 00:31:49,843No, somebody famous. You know that.
46500:31:50,163 --> 00:31:51,763- Sara Melas?- No.
46600:31:52,643 --> 00:31:54,164Okay. Bye.
46700:31:56,163 --> 00:31:57,844I need your signature.
46800:32:11,444 --> 00:32:15,925I hate it when a guy calls a girlwho did not give him her number.
46900:32:16,165 --> 00:32:18,445So this is me not calling. Over.
47000:32:18,565 --> 00:32:21,445Yes, you're right.This is much less invasive.
47100:32:21,526 --> 00:32:24,246I've been thinking aboutthat sign on your forehead.
47200:32:24,446 --> 00:32:28,246And I was wondering if you'd mindtaking it down for dinner Friday night. Over.
47300:32:28,646 --> 00:32:31,847I can't. I have a couple of partiesI have to hit.
47400:32:32,446 --> 00:32:34,046Gossip never sleeps.
47500:32:34,567 --> 00:32:36,447Not till about 4:00 a.m.
47600:32:36,966 --> 00:32:38,166Saturday.
47700:32:41,047 --> 00:32:42,447I have a date.
47800:32:43,927 --> 00:32:46,727Do you know the definitionof "perseverance," Miss Melas?
47900:32:46,847 --> 00:32:48,847An excuse to be obnoxious?
48000:32:49,048 --> 00:32:50,968Continuing in a course of action...
48100:32:51,047 --> 00:32:55,128without regard to discouragement,opposition or previous failure. Over.
48200:32:55,448 --> 00:32:57,528Okay, Webster, how do I get rid of you?
48300:32:57,648 --> 00:33:00,449Breakfast, Sunday.And you can barely even call that a date.
48400:33:00,648 --> 00:33:04,249You do that with out-of-town relativesthat you don't even like. Over.
48500:33:08,169 --> 00:33:09,369Come on.
48600:33:11,769 --> 00:33:14,049Okay, I guess I could do Sunday.
48700:33:14,570 --> 00:33:16,850You forgot to say "over." Over.
48800:33:17,250 --> 00:33:20,250This conversatiors overas soon as you tell me when and where.
48900:33:20,330 --> 00:33:23,1307:00 a.m., North Cove Marina. Over and out.
49000:33:23,650 --> 00:33:27,3707:00 a.m.? Are you crazy?I don't do 7:00 a.m.
49100:33:29,251 --> 00:33:30,571- Hello?- Sign here.
49200:33:30,971 --> 00:33:32,571- What?- You said Sunday, right?
49300:33:32,651 --> 00:33:33,651Yeah.
49400:33:36,571 --> 00:33:38,972What if I would have said Friday?
495
00:33:39,051 --> 00:33:40,251Sunday.
49600:33:44,252 --> 00:33:46,852So I guess you're not going to church.
49700:33:59,133 --> 00:34:01,773Do you really expect me to wear this?
49800:34:03,253 --> 00:34:05,654Lt'll be awful cold out there without it.
49900:34:05,773 --> 00:34:08,733- Good morning.- "Good" would have been at 10:00.
50000:34:12,974 --> 00:34:15,135You're a lot taller than I remember.
50100:34:15,374 --> 00:34:17,134You ever ride one of these?
50200:34:17,254 --> 00:34:18,854Not on the Hudson.
50300:34:19,054 --> 00:34:21,855So, what do you wanna do?Race me around the Statue of Liberty?
50400:34:22,055 --> 00:34:23,535
If there's time.
50500:34:23,934 --> 00:34:26,455- But you might need these.- All right.
50600:34:26,655 --> 00:34:27,935- Bam.- Wow.
50700:34:29,055 --> 00:34:30,575How do I look?
50800:34:31,775 --> 00:34:33,056Fabulous.
50900:34:34,736 --> 00:34:36,456All right, I give.
51000:34:37,256 --> 00:34:38,736Where do I change?
51100:34:39,656 --> 00:34:44,056So we'll go past the wall, then take a left.It's pretty much a straight shot from there.
51200:34:44,256 --> 00:34:47,376- Straight shot to where?- That's for me to know and you to find out.
51300:34:47,457 --> 00:34:49,057What you do with these babies is...
51400:34:49,257 --> 00:34:52,257Yeah, what I do with this babyis kick your ass.
51500:36:00,582 --> 00:36:03,863- What happened? You change your mind?- It just died.
51600:36:04,983 --> 00:36:06,463Did you put gas in it?
51700:36:07,063 --> 00:36:10,863No. You know, I think it must havesucked up a diaper or something.
51800:36:10,983 --> 00:36:13,263Gross. Try it again.
51900:36:16,983 --> 00:36:18,463You want me to call AAA?
52000:36:18,583 --> 00:36:20,984Come on aroundand let me hop on with you.
52100:36:21,063 --> 00:36:24,664I don't know. What if you break mine, too?Then we'll both be sitting ducks.
52200:36:24,745 --> 00:36:28,265- I didn't break it. It just died.
- Yeah, yeah.
52300:36:28,464 --> 00:36:30,384All right, hop on.
52400:36:31,865 --> 00:36:34,585- Scoot back.- Hitch, I'm already here.
52500:36:35,065 --> 00:36:36,745But you don't know where we're going.
52600:36:36,985 --> 00:36:39,465Why don't you tell me?Then we'll both know.
52700:36:42,266 --> 00:36:43,786Man, male egos.
52800:36:43,866 --> 00:36:46,586I don't know how you guysmake it through the day with them.
52900:36:46,666 --> 00:36:48,746What? It is not my ego.
53000:36:48,865 --> 00:36:51,466I just don't want to ruin the surprise.
53100:37:01,147 --> 00:37:03,788I'm sorry. Are you all right?
532
00:37:05,867 --> 00:37:08,668There. I always keep a few of those around.
53300:37:08,747 --> 00:37:09,788Thank you.
53400:37:09,867 --> 00:37:13,667I have lower back trouble.I just shove the ice packs right down there.
53500:37:14,268 --> 00:37:16,068No. That's a fresh one.
53600:37:17,868 --> 00:37:19,468So, Ellis Island.
53700:37:19,669 --> 00:37:23,668I have to admit, I have lived in New Yorkmy whole life and I've never been here.
53800:37:23,869 --> 00:37:25,269I figured that. Most people haven't.
53900:37:25,468 --> 00:37:27,869So I got my man Larry hereto set us up a private tour.
54000:37:27,949 --> 00:37:29,869- Great!- Anything for Hitch.
541
00:37:31,469 --> 00:37:34,590It was originally known as Oyster Island.
54200:37:34,669 --> 00:37:37,270The island was expandedto its present size...
54300:37:37,470 --> 00:37:41,390with dirt removed during the constructionof the New York subway system.
54400:37:42,070 --> 00:37:43,670- Are you serious?- Yes.
54500:37:43,670 --> 00:37:46,870- Did you know this?- Yeah. That's why I brought you here.
54600:37:46,870 --> 00:37:51,470In fact, over 100 million Americanscan trace their ancestry...
54700:37:51,671 --> 00:37:55,471back to a single man, woman, or childon the ship's manifest...
54800:37:55,671 --> 00:37:57,551to an inspector's ledger.
54900:37:58,152 --> 00:38:02,871
By 1910, 75%% of the residents of New York...
55000:38:03,072 --> 00:38:06,152Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, and Boston...
55100:38:06,271 --> 00:38:08,992were immigrants,or the children of immigrants.
55200:38:09,072 --> 00:38:12,472They generally livedin the poorest sections of the cities...
55300:38:12,673 --> 00:38:16,593in Little Italys, Chinatownsand other ethnic enclaves.
55400:38:16,993 --> 00:38:19,073It's called The Kissing Post.
55500:38:19,552 --> 00:38:23,794The plaque explains how different cultureskiss after long absences.
55600:38:24,673 --> 00:38:27,793Now, what exactly would qualifyas a long absence?
55700:38:28,274 --> 00:38:29,674I mean...
55800:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,754
- That count?- No.
55900:38:36,274 --> 00:38:40,274I actually had a relative come through here.
56000:38:40,875 --> 00:38:42,395- Really?- Yeah.
56100:38:44,475 --> 00:38:45,555What?
56200:38:46,395 --> 00:38:49,475- What?- What was that thing?
56300:38:50,595 --> 00:38:53,876No. You know, I was just thinking...
56400:38:54,276 --> 00:38:58,076you can't really know where you're goinguntil you know where you've been.
56500:38:58,076 --> 00:39:00,876- Ain't that right, Larry?- Amen, brother.
56600:39:01,076 --> 00:39:04,477That's kind of deep for a first date,don't you think?
56700:39:07,877 --> 00:39:09,277What is that?
56800:39:27,078 --> 00:39:28,758Oh, my God!
56900:39:35,078 --> 00:39:39,479That's my great-great-grandfather.That's his signature.
57000:39:39,679 --> 00:39:41,559Jesus, it's right here!
57100:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,480How did you know?
57200:39:47,399 --> 00:39:50,280Hitch did the search. I just found the page.
57300:40:13,001 --> 00:40:14,282I'm sorry.
57400:40:23,162 --> 00:40:26,282I saw that going differently in my mind.
57500:40:28,683 --> 00:40:32,883So my family never saw him again.Well, except for on the Wanted posters.
57600:40:33,283 --> 00:40:35,483
Look, I'm really sorry.
57700:40:35,964 --> 00:40:39,804When I saw it on the computer,it said, "the Butcher of Cádiz."
57800:40:41,483 --> 00:40:46,084I thought it was a profession,not a headline.
57900:40:47,404 --> 00:40:51,885It's just one of those horrible family legacieswe've all tried to forget.
58000:40:52,685 --> 00:40:53,885But thank you.
58100:40:54,084 --> 00:40:55,405No, it was...
58200:40:55,485 --> 00:40:57,485- A train wreck.- No.
58300:40:57,565 --> 00:40:59,006Let me get you a cab.
58400:41:03,565 --> 00:41:04,766Thanks.
58500:41:07,086 --> 00:41:08,885- Bye.- Bye-bye.
586
00:41:18,287 --> 00:41:19,287Taxi!
58700:41:22,887 --> 00:41:25,407Poor guy.Sounds like he went to a lot of trouble.
58800:41:25,487 --> 00:41:30,088It was fun. In a disastrous kind of way.I mean, this isn't exactly a hickey.
58900:41:31,168 --> 00:41:34,168At least you got a good storyout of it, right?
59000:41:36,488 --> 00:41:37,568Right?
59100:41:37,688 --> 00:41:41,088- You should try mine, it's great.- Wait. You're seeing him again?
59200:41:42,608 --> 00:41:46,168Well, look, you said thatI'm always expecting men...
59300:41:46,288 --> 00:41:49,289to let me down, right?Assuming that they're gonna fail?
59400:41:49,289 --> 00:41:50,689Which he did.
59500:41:51,489 --> 00:41:54,409Yeah, but he did it with flair.
59600:41:56,609 --> 00:41:59,290I mean, Case, he really tanked.
59700:41:59,410 --> 00:42:01,489And that's a desirable trait?
59800:42:02,290 --> 00:42:04,890Yeah. Weird, huh?
59900:42:07,410 --> 00:42:09,890Now, just keep it simple.Just like we practiced.
60000:42:09,971 --> 00:42:11,411We're just leaving a message.
60100:42:11,490 --> 00:42:14,611Women like Allegra Coledon't pick up numbers they don't recognize.
60200:42:17,971 --> 00:42:19,091Hello?
60300:42:19,692 --> 00:42:21,411She's on the phone!
60400:42:23,892 --> 00:42:25,812- Yes. Hello, Miss Cole?- Yeah.
605
00:42:25,891 --> 00:42:27,892Hi, I have Albert Brennaman for you.
60600:42:27,972 --> 00:42:30,412- One moment, please.- No. Tell her I'm at lunch.
60700:42:30,492 --> 00:42:33,292We called her to tell her you're at lunch?
60800:42:37,692 --> 00:42:41,573Allegra. Hi, it's Albert Brennaman.
60900:42:42,693 --> 00:42:44,293Hi, how are you?
61000:42:44,494 --> 00:42:46,613Good. I'm doing good.
61100:42:47,013 --> 00:42:49,893The reason I'm callingis about our appointment this Wednesday.
61200:42:50,614 --> 00:42:52,294Not gonna be able to make it.
61300:42:53,413 --> 00:42:55,414Well, when can you make it?
61400:42:55,974 --> 00:42:57,414When can I do it?
61500:43:00,694 --> 00:43:03,895I don't even know,because my whole next week is slammed.
61600:43:04,615 --> 00:43:07,095Right. But it's all good.
61700:43:09,495 --> 00:43:11,975No, we're gonna make it happen though,that's for sure.
61800:43:12,615 --> 00:43:14,415We're going to make it happen. Yes.
61900:43:22,776 --> 00:43:24,176What's going on over there?
62000:43:24,296 --> 00:43:26,616Just moving some things around.
62100:43:28,616 --> 00:43:29,817Sky Studios.
62200:43:29,897 --> 00:43:33,177Tonight I'm actually goingto this fashion thing at Sky Studios.
62300:43:33,297 --> 00:43:34,497Designer friend.
624
00:43:34,617 --> 00:43:38,497I just thought it might be somethingyour designer friend would be interested in.
62500:43:38,697 --> 00:43:39,897Yeah, definitely.
62600:43:40,098 --> 00:43:43,697Well, great.Then I will put you back on with my...
62700:44:01,499 --> 00:44:03,699- Allegra, over here, please.- Miss Cole, this way.
62800:44:03,820 --> 00:44:05,099Great. One more.
62900:44:05,180 --> 00:44:08,219- Hi, there.- This was a fantastic idea.
63000:44:08,499 --> 00:44:10,699I suppose. Hey, where's Maggie?
63100:44:11,300 --> 00:44:12,700Late as usual.
63200:44:14,781 --> 00:44:18,380Tonight I want you to meditateon the image of an iceberg.
63300:44:18,780 --> 00:44:20,501
Do you know why I want you to do that?
63400:44:20,781 --> 00:44:22,381Because I'm cool?
63500:44:22,501 --> 00:44:24,301- No.- I know, I'm not.
63600:44:25,021 --> 00:44:26,781I'm saying that you are an iceberg...
63700:44:26,901 --> 00:44:30,782in that over 90%% of your massis below the surface.
63800:44:31,501 --> 00:44:33,502I know I'm heavy. I am.
63900:44:33,581 --> 00:44:36,902I'm talking about who you are.It's a metaphor.
64000:44:37,022 --> 00:44:38,302Accounting, business...
64100:44:38,382 --> 00:44:42,782all of that is just a small partof a much deeper, richer Albert.
64200:44:43,982 --> 00:44:45,183One more.
643
00:44:46,503 --> 00:44:47,822It's gonna be loud in there...
64400:44:47,903 --> 00:44:50,383so this is our opportunityto break the touch barrier...
64500:44:50,503 --> 00:44:51,703in a non-sleazy way.
64600:44:51,903 --> 00:44:54,703So get to where it's loudest.Ask her if she'd like a drink.
64700:44:54,904 --> 00:44:57,183Lean in, place your handon the small of her back...
64800:44:57,303 --> 00:44:59,024and say it in her ear like a secret.
64900:44:59,104 --> 00:45:02,384Watch your hand placement.Too high says, "I just wanna be friends."
65000:45:02,504 --> 00:45:04,784Too low says, "I just wanna grab some ass."
65100:45:05,824 --> 00:45:08,304Friends. Ass. Me.
65200:45:13,424 --> 00:45:15,825
Special issues: Allegra Cole is a celebrity...
65300:45:15,904 --> 00:45:19,306which means that when people talk to her,they'll ignore you completely.
65400:45:19,425 --> 00:45:21,105She's classy, so she'll introduce you.
65500:45:21,185 --> 00:45:24,626When she does, shake hands hardand speak up. Let them know you're there.
65600:45:24,705 --> 00:45:26,506Show her you can handle being her escort.
65700:45:26,626 --> 00:45:29,585- Egon, this is Albert.- How you doing?
65800:45:29,826 --> 00:45:31,986- Albert, this is Zak.- Nice to see you.
65900:45:32,386 --> 00:45:34,227These guys are friends with Maggie.
66000:45:34,386 --> 00:45:37,306- Been to that new Brazilian restaurant?
- No, but I am...
66100:45:37,507 --> 00:45:39,906It's disgusting.I'm writing an article about it.
66200:45:41,106 --> 00:45:43,107Did you see the new installation at MOMA?
66300:45:43,307 --> 00:45:45,907- Yes, did you think...- Disgusting.
66400:45:47,508 --> 00:45:50,628Women can always tellwhen you're not being real with them.
66500:45:50,908 --> 00:45:54,228Worst thing you can do is try to fake it,because you are a great guy.
66600:45:54,628 --> 00:45:57,828And you do have somethingto offer Allegra that no other man does.
66700:45:58,708 --> 00:46:00,108What was your name? Eggnog?
66800:46:01,828 --> 00:46:02,908Egon.
66900:46:03,428 --> 00:46:07,189
What do you think of the design of the Jets'new football stadium on the West Side?
67000:46:07,709 --> 00:46:09,909Let me guess. Disgusting?
67100:46:10,709 --> 00:46:12,629Think it over. We'll be back.
67200:46:14,910 --> 00:46:17,910Thank you. I can't stand those guys.
67300:46:17,989 --> 00:46:20,110Really? I kind of liked them.
67400:46:20,310 --> 00:46:21,990But when all is said and done...
67500:46:22,230 --> 00:46:24,710tonight is not about Allegra.
67600:46:25,510 --> 00:46:27,990- It's not?- No. Tonight is about Maggie.
67700:46:28,390 --> 00:46:32,230A womars best friend has to sign offon all big relationship decisions.
67800:46:32,311 --> 00:46:33,990So you can't afford to mess this up.
67900:46:34,110 --> 00:46:36,511Albert, I want you to meetmy friend, Maggie.
68000:46:37,031 --> 00:46:39,712Hi, Maggie.It's an absolute pleasure to meet you.
68100:46:39,831 --> 00:46:41,111I'm Maggie.
68200:46:41,991 --> 00:46:45,032- No, you're not.- Actually, I am.
68300:46:45,511 --> 00:46:48,792Magnus Forester.Thank you so much for inviting us.
68400:46:50,912 --> 00:46:53,032- You have very soft hands.- Thank you.
68500:46:55,193 --> 00:46:57,513- Wow. So do you.- Thank you.
68600:46:57,593 --> 00:47:01,433So tonight, you focus on one thingand one thing only.
68700:47:01,713 --> 00:47:02,633
Maggie.
68800:47:02,713 --> 00:47:06,113- Where does your inspiration come from?- Oh, my God.
68900:47:07,033 --> 00:47:08,513Anything I see.
69000:47:08,913 --> 00:47:12,514Something in a magazine,out on the street...
69100:47:13,114 --> 00:47:14,113in an old movie.
69200:47:15,114 --> 00:47:18,514The receptive nature of the creative facilityjust astounds me.
69300:47:19,315 --> 00:47:20,795Anybody want any spring rolls?
69400:47:20,915 --> 00:47:24,114That's a beautiful tie, by the way.This whole thing, it just works.
69500:47:24,394 --> 00:47:25,715Thank you.
69600:47:27,315 --> 00:47:29,995- Is he gay?- I don't think so.
69700:47:31,595 --> 00:47:32,515I like him.
69800:47:32,716 --> 00:47:37,196About the deejay.Generally, I have a firm no-dancing policy.
69900:47:37,316 --> 00:47:40,116But if she asks, you cannot say no.
70000:47:40,236 --> 00:47:42,916I'm not worried about dancing.But if there are people there...
70100:47:43,036 --> 00:47:47,316I'm sorry, I hate to be a stickler,but I need to be thorough.
70200:47:48,516 --> 00:47:50,917Show me what you meanby you're not worried about it.
70300:47:51,037 --> 00:47:53,117Trust me. You know what I'm gonna do.
70400:47:56,117 --> 00:47:58,117That's what it's all about, right there.
70500:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,118See how it gets bigger?
70600:48:03,197 --> 00:48:04,718Now I'm gonna start the fire.
70700:48:05,038 --> 00:48:08,718But the feet are going.I start the fire, I make the pizza.
70800:48:09,038 --> 00:48:10,238Hips are always going.
70900:48:11,838 --> 00:48:13,038Can't get enough hip.
71000:48:13,318 --> 00:48:15,599From there, the Q-Tip.
71100:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,839Q-Tip. Throw it away.
71200:48:20,519 --> 00:48:22,519That's not working, hit them with this.
71300:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,520Don't ever...
71400:48:34,400 --> 00:48:35,520do that again.
71500:48:37,121 --> 00:48:38,240Do you hear me?
71600:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,801- Just expressing myself.
- No.
71700:48:42,321 --> 00:48:45,321Not like that, you're not, all right?
71800:48:48,241 --> 00:48:49,601This is where you live.
71900:48:50,402 --> 00:48:51,841Right here.
72000:48:51,922 --> 00:48:54,721You live right here, okay? This is home.
72100:48:55,442 --> 00:48:56,321None of this.
72200:48:57,042 --> 00:48:58,522I don't wanna see none of that.
72300:48:58,722 --> 00:49:00,722Don't need no pizza. They got food there.
72400:49:08,522 --> 00:49:11,522Elbows, 6 inches from the waist,90-degree angles.
72500:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,243Don't you bite your lip. Stop it.
72600:49:33,125 --> 00:49:36,005
Women relate dancing to sex, all right?
72700:49:36,125 --> 00:49:39,045Even a great dancer can lose itwith one of these.
72800:49:40,005 --> 00:49:42,525Okay, now that's what I need to be learning.
72900:49:53,126 --> 00:49:54,406Can't stop it.
73000:49:55,126 --> 00:49:56,806You cannot stop it.
73100:49:59,206 --> 00:50:00,326Next subject.
73200:50:02,327 --> 00:50:03,327Get out.
73300:50:08,247 --> 00:50:09,448Thanks.
73400:50:09,848 --> 00:50:11,847So, are you a Knicks fan?
73500:50:13,848 --> 00:50:15,448When they're good.
73600:50:21,728 --> 00:50:23,728- I'm really sorry.- Oh, God. Why?
73700:50:25,049 --> 00:50:27,329- She was there?- I left you a bunch of messages.
73800:50:27,729 --> 00:50:29,329My phone fell in the Hudson.
73900:50:29,529 --> 00:50:30,729Yeah, well, it gets worse.
74000:50:34,530 --> 00:50:35,529I don't believe this.
74100:50:35,730 --> 00:50:39,450- I thought he was a bodyguard.- I'm the only one who will need protection.
74200:50:39,850 --> 00:50:42,130- Max is gonna...- Gonna be really irritated.
74300:50:42,730 --> 00:50:46,130When I got the train this morning,I thought it was gonna be a good day.
74400:50:47,050 --> 00:50:49,451Who the hell is Albert Brennaman?
74500:50:49,930 --> 00:50:52,930- Tell me how this happened.
- What? There were some photographers.
74600:50:53,131 --> 00:50:55,131Does this even look like dancing to you?
74700:50:55,531 --> 00:50:57,331That's just a little bit of me being me.
74800:50:57,451 --> 00:51:01,851No, that's you being a lot of somethingyou don't need to ever be again.
74900:51:02,131 --> 00:51:03,611- It's just one dance.- No.
75000:51:04,252 --> 00:51:08,531One dance, one look, one kiss.That's all we get, Albert.
75100:51:08,732 --> 00:51:11,332Just one shot to make the difference...
75200:51:11,452 --> 00:51:13,853between happily ever after and:
75300:51:14,012 --> 00:51:17,533"Oh, he's just some guyI went to some thing with once."
75400:51:18,412 --> 00:51:19,453
All right?
75500:51:24,814 --> 00:51:27,534- What?- You said "kiss."
75600:51:30,134 --> 00:51:31,533Is that a problem?
75700:51:32,334 --> 00:51:34,934It's not a problem, but this is Allegra Cole.
75800:51:35,054 --> 00:51:37,214Eight out of 10 women believethat the first kiss...
75900:51:37,334 --> 00:51:40,254will tell them everything they need to knowabout a relationship.
76000:51:40,334 --> 00:51:43,614And believe me,she has definitely thought about it.
76100:51:44,134 --> 00:51:46,334- She has?- Of course.
76200:51:46,415 --> 00:51:49,935Not that she's gonna act on it.So it's no real big deal.
76300:51:50,135 --> 00:51:53,055
- All right, it's no big deal then.- It's a very big deal!
76400:51:53,135 --> 00:51:54,536- Huge.- Monumental!
76500:51:54,656 --> 00:51:56,536You are not listening...
76600:51:57,936 --> 00:51:59,936I need you to wrap your head around this.
76700:52:00,016 --> 00:52:02,736Tomorrow night, Allegra Cole...
76800:52:03,136 --> 00:52:06,536could have her last first kiss.
76900:52:17,137 --> 00:52:19,338All right, come on,just show me what you got.
77000:52:20,138 --> 00:52:22,738- What do you mean?- Just show me how you would kiss me.
77100:52:23,457 --> 00:52:24,538I wouldn't kiss you.
77200:52:25,058 --> 00:52:26,337I'm not me, I'm Allegra.
773
00:52:29,138 --> 00:52:30,738But you're really not, so...
77400:52:30,738 --> 00:52:34,539Okay, Albert, end of the night,you're dropping me off at home.
77500:52:34,738 --> 00:52:37,219- Show me the magic.- I'm not comfortable with this.
77600:52:37,339 --> 00:52:40,739God, Albert,I had such a wonderful time with you.
77700:52:40,819 --> 00:52:42,539Yeah, how about those Knicks?
77800:52:43,459 --> 00:52:47,859You see what I'm doing?This is a signal. I'm fiddling with my keys.
77900:52:47,940 --> 00:52:49,460A woman that doesn't want a kiss...
78000:52:49,540 --> 00:52:52,340takes her keys out, puts them in the door,goes in the house.
78100:52:52,340 --> 00:52:54,420A woman that wants to kiss, she fiddles.
78200:52:55,740 --> 00:52:56,940I'm fiddling.
78300:52:57,141 --> 00:52:58,940Okay, you have a good night now...
78400:53:00,141 --> 00:53:02,341- You see what I'm doing?- Robbing me?
78500:53:02,421 --> 00:53:03,460No.
78600:53:03,740 --> 00:53:06,421This is what most guys do.They rush in to take the kiss.
78700:53:06,741 --> 00:53:08,261But you're not most guys.
78800:53:09,061 --> 00:53:12,941See, the secret to a kissis to go 90%% of the way...
78900:53:14,021 --> 00:53:15,141and then hold.
79000:53:19,942 --> 00:53:22,022- For how long?- As long as it takes...
79100:53:22,662 --> 00:53:24,342for her to come the other 10%% .
79200:53:24,543 --> 00:53:26,262Okay, 90%% -10%% . Got it.
79300:53:26,423 --> 00:53:29,543Okay, come on. Shake it off. It's your turn.
79400:53:33,143 --> 00:53:35,463I had a really nice time tonight, Albert.
79500:53:37,944 --> 00:53:41,064I had a great time tonight, too, Allegra...
79600:53:42,943 --> 00:53:44,344with a beard.
79700:54:16,426 --> 00:54:17,346What's up?
79800:54:18,266 --> 00:54:20,947- I'm not feeling it.- What do you mean? I came 90%% .
79900:54:21,146 --> 00:54:23,066I'm not feeling like you want it.
80000:54:23,147 --> 00:54:27,467Look, I'm Allegra Cole,the woman of your dreams.
80100:54:27,547 --> 00:54:31,147
The woman whose green eyesare limpid pools of desire.
80200:54:31,228 --> 00:54:33,467Now, show me the magic, Albert.
80300:54:33,948 --> 00:54:36,268- What the hell was that?- I'm showing you the magic!
80400:54:36,347 --> 00:54:38,348No, I said come 90%% and then I come 10%%!
80500:54:38,428 --> 00:54:39,948You don't go the whole 100%%!
80600:54:40,028 --> 00:54:43,468My mouth was open, Albert.You overeager son of a...
80700:54:46,829 --> 00:54:48,268Other than that, how was it?
80800:54:49,228 --> 00:54:52,269They came together, they danced together,and they left together.
80900:54:52,749 --> 00:54:55,149He's cute, in a sheepdog kind of way.
81000:54:55,230 --> 00:54:57,150For all I know, he's adorable.
81100:54:57,550 --> 00:54:59,629But him dating her is...
81200:54:59,870 --> 00:55:01,350You seem stressed.
81300:55:01,470 --> 00:55:03,069You and I had an understanding.
81400:55:03,150 --> 00:55:05,550If you invite Allegra,you're supposed to call me.
81500:55:05,750 --> 00:55:07,151I didn't invite her.
81600:55:07,350 --> 00:55:09,871Honestly, sweetie,I thought she was still in Europe.
81700:55:09,950 --> 00:55:12,150- So you invited Albert?- No.
81800:55:12,751 --> 00:55:16,671Look, it says here the ticketswent to some guy named Alex Hitchens.
81900:55:16,751 --> 00:55:17,751What?
82000:55:28,752 --> 00:55:29,952
Machine.
82100:55:33,152 --> 00:55:34,752Hi, it's Sara.
82200:55:37,953 --> 00:55:40,752I just wanted to say thank you...
82300:55:40,833 --> 00:55:45,353for an unforgettable experience...
82400:55:45,633 --> 00:55:46,754the other day.
82500:55:48,273 --> 00:55:50,554And if you ever want to seeyour shirt again...
82600:55:50,674 --> 00:55:54,354you can come bythe Fulton Fish Market tonight, around 8:00.
82700:55:54,754 --> 00:55:56,674Okay, bye.
82800:56:00,035 --> 00:56:02,355- Do you think he'll show?- Yeah.
82900:56:02,674 --> 00:56:05,355He's too much of a playerto have a bad date on his record.
83000:56:05,635 --> 00:56:08,355Is this a source or a date?
83100:56:09,555 --> 00:56:10,755A source.
83200:56:11,755 --> 00:56:13,355Well, it sounded like a date.
83300:56:14,355 --> 00:56:15,756Well, it was supposed to.
83400:56:18,756 --> 00:56:21,876So it looks like a dateand it sounds like a date...
83500:56:22,276 --> 00:56:25,236- but it's not a date.- Yeah. Right.
83600:56:26,356 --> 00:56:27,557Just checking.
83700:56:46,838 --> 00:56:49,478Hi. I wasrt sure you got my message.
83800:56:49,638 --> 00:56:53,958I wasrt sure you called the right guy.You must be a glutton for punishment.
83900:56:54,438 --> 00:56:56,958
Either that or I really wanna pay you back.
84000:56:57,358 --> 00:56:59,159I think this is yours.
84100:57:00,039 --> 00:57:03,239Thank you.I'm gonna frame this for my wall of shame.
84200:57:03,759 --> 00:57:05,759Really? There's a whole wall?
84300:57:05,759 --> 00:57:07,359So what are we getting into?
84400:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,559Ever been to a food rave before?
84500:57:11,640 --> 00:57:15,480Happens once a month, all around the city.Different chefs, different venues.
84600:57:15,640 --> 00:57:16,761You any good in the kitchen?
84700:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,081I can stand the heat,if that's what you mean.
84800:57:19,160 --> 00:57:22,840Good. Because that's my bossand his wife right over there.
84900:57:23,080 --> 00:57:24,440Interesting.
85000:57:24,761 --> 00:57:28,441Well, here's a concept:We're paying to cook our own food.
85100:57:28,561 --> 00:57:31,561Here's another concept:Shut up. It's an evening out.
85200:57:31,641 --> 00:57:33,882The longer you're married,the less you go out.
85300:57:33,961 --> 00:57:38,042In a couple of years, we're gonna end upbricked into our apartment like a Poe story.
85400:57:38,961 --> 00:57:41,562So, Louise, are youin the newspaper business, also?
85500:57:41,762 --> 00:57:42,962No, I'm a psychiatrist.
85600:57:44,442 --> 00:57:47,563Well, that's the last thingI'm gonna say tonight.
85700:57:48,363 --> 00:57:51,763
So, Sara, you never told me.
85800:57:51,963 --> 00:57:55,643How was the Sky Studio fashion thingyou went to the other night?
85900:57:55,883 --> 00:57:58,963Did you meet anyone won'th mentioning?
86000:57:59,364 --> 00:58:00,363No.
86100:58:02,044 --> 00:58:05,564Really? I find that very odd.
86200:58:06,044 --> 00:58:08,284- Max.- I think you're being odd.
86300:58:08,444 --> 00:58:11,764Well, I'm always odd.It's why you married me.
86400:58:11,884 --> 00:58:13,964And it's why I married you.
86500:58:15,085 --> 00:58:16,565Speaking of which, Hitch...
86600:58:16,685 --> 00:58:20,365what exactly are your intentionsfor the lovely Sara?
867
00:58:20,445 --> 00:58:23,565Wait, you know what?Actually, there was someone.
86800:58:25,965 --> 00:58:28,565I think I met your friends Albert and Allegra.
86900:58:29,366 --> 00:58:31,966- My friends who and who?- Allegra Cole?
87000:58:32,166 --> 00:58:34,166Really? How do you know her?
87100:58:35,566 --> 00:58:37,766- I don't.- So you know Albert?
87200:58:39,166 --> 00:58:41,166- Knew.- He had your tickets.
87300:58:41,247 --> 00:58:44,567I mean, how well do you reallyknow your accountant?
87400:58:45,767 --> 00:58:49,488April 15, and then you don't see him againtill April 15.
87500:58:50,848 --> 00:58:52,167Ladies and gentlemen...
87600:58:52,287 --> 00:58:55,368
a coquille St. Jacqueswith a lemon butter reduction.
87700:58:55,567 --> 00:58:57,568- Compliments of our chef.- Thank you.
87800:58:57,648 --> 00:58:59,568I'm sure you're really gonna enjoy this.
87900:59:07,249 --> 00:59:08,568That's really good.
88000:59:09,569 --> 00:59:11,568I'm very impressed.
88100:59:12,769 --> 00:59:13,649Why is that?
88200:59:14,769 --> 00:59:19,169Around these two, people usually can't waitto name-drop and dish their friends...
88300:59:19,370 --> 00:59:20,769and you're being all discreet.
88400:59:20,850 --> 00:59:22,970Yeah, it's quite endearing.
88500:59:23,089 --> 00:59:25,770Actually, it is.So why don't we change the subject?
88600:59:28,050 --> 00:59:30,971- Are you all right?- Yeah. No, I'm fine.
88700:59:31,770 --> 00:59:35,570So Sara tells methat you're a consultant, Hitch.
88800:59:36,051 --> 00:59:40,691Yeah, mostly marketing, little advertising,brand management.
88900:59:41,651 --> 00:59:43,892I have no idea what that means.
89000:59:43,971 --> 00:59:46,691No one does.That's why I get to charge so much.
89100:59:50,772 --> 00:59:52,452Are you sure you're all right?
89200:59:53,172 --> 00:59:57,092Yeah, I'm fine.Is it itchy in here or is it just me?
89300:59:57,772 --> 01:00:00,693- I know what's happening.- No.
89401:00:01,172 --> 01:00:02,973
You think that I'm in a stressful state...
89501:00:03,092 --> 01:00:05,173because I'm trying to makea good impression...
89601:00:05,253 --> 01:00:08,293while also dealingwith my commitment issues...
89701:00:09,573 --> 01:00:12,374trying to avoidall these awkward conversations.
89801:00:12,973 --> 01:00:15,494No, I think you have food allergies.
89901:00:18,774 --> 01:00:20,174- Wow.- What?
90001:00:22,574 --> 01:00:24,695- Benadryl. Where's the Benadryl?- Aisle 2.
90101:00:24,774 --> 01:00:27,375- Which one's Aisle 2?- The one with the big 2 over it.
90201:00:27,494 --> 01:00:28,974Sara, I'm fine.
903
01:00:29,095 --> 01:00:31,175- You sure it's in Aisle 2?- No.
90401:00:31,255 --> 01:00:33,175Really, it is not that serious.
90501:00:37,176 --> 01:00:38,376Benadryl.
90601:00:39,376 --> 01:00:42,456- A lot of Benadryl. A lot.- What? Are you...
90701:00:56,376 --> 01:00:58,977Coquille St. Jacques. Death on a leaf!
90801:01:03,257 --> 01:01:04,377Come on!
90901:01:15,178 --> 01:01:16,859Okay, we're doing fine.
91001:01:16,978 --> 01:01:19,379Just a couple more blocksand you get to lie down.
91101:01:27,899 --> 01:01:29,659Wait, who sings that song again?
91201:01:29,780 --> 01:01:31,579Oh, girl. Earth, Wind & Fire.
913
01:01:31,660 --> 01:01:33,499You should let them sing it.
91401:01:36,980 --> 01:01:40,581I bet this would be great on the rocks.It's good, right?
91501:01:42,980 --> 01:01:45,781I bet I can ask youjust about anything right now.
91601:01:46,061 --> 01:01:46,981No.
91701:01:47,581 --> 01:01:49,581I'm a vault, baby. Locked down.
91801:01:51,381 --> 01:01:54,582What is an heiress doing with a CPA?
91901:01:55,102 --> 01:01:56,782They're going to the Knicks game.
92001:01:57,381 --> 01:01:59,261Yep, Fort Knox.
92101:02:01,102 --> 01:02:03,582He loves her so much!
92201:02:04,062 --> 01:02:05,582I'm sure he does.
923
01:02:06,182 --> 01:02:10,303I'm telling you, people searchtheir whole lives trying to find the...
92401:02:10,382 --> 01:02:13,183Reasons that we're here
92501:02:14,383 --> 01:02:15,583I wouldn't know.
92601:02:16,463 --> 01:02:17,903You would if you saw it.
92701:02:18,303 --> 01:02:21,664Sometimes it's really hardto see the forest through the sleaze.
92801:02:22,863 --> 01:02:25,104What about you? You ever been in love?
92901:02:30,184 --> 01:02:31,264Yep.
93001:02:35,385 --> 01:02:37,104But you're never gonna know that.
93101:02:40,705 --> 01:02:43,585Okay, I think you've had enoughof the juice box.
93201:02:46,185 --> 01:02:47,385Let's go.
93301:02:54,066 --> 01:02:55,786This is some place.
93401:02:57,106 --> 01:02:58,306You live here alone?
93501:03:00,067 --> 01:03:04,466Yeah. I actually prefer it that way.What about you?
93601:03:05,107 --> 01:03:09,187I haven't had a roommate since college,and he upped and married my sister.
93701:03:09,388 --> 01:03:11,907- Really?- Yeah, they're gonna have a baby soon.
93801:03:12,388 --> 01:03:13,787Uncle Hitch.
93901:03:15,388 --> 01:03:16,708Thank you.
94001:03:22,468 --> 01:03:25,269- So, how do you feel?- Good.
94101:03:26,588 --> 01:03:27,788Relaxed.
94201:03:29,268 --> 01:03:30,869So what about you? Any siblings?
94301:03:33,189 --> 01:03:36,869Sister. Maria. Lives in D.C.
94401:03:39,110 --> 01:03:40,590Younger, right?
94501:03:43,190 --> 01:03:44,710I could hear it in your voice.
94601:03:46,190 --> 01:03:49,590Sort of an innate protective thing.
94701:03:51,910 --> 01:03:53,270Yeah, I guess.
94801:03:58,990 --> 01:03:59,911What?
94901:04:03,111 --> 01:04:04,391She almost died once.
95001:04:09,271 --> 01:04:10,392I was 10.
95101:04:18,992 --> 01:04:21,592We were skating on the pondbehind our house...
95201:04:22,073 --> 01:04:23,593
and she fell through the ice.
95301:04:25,993 --> 01:04:27,393My dad pulled her out.
95401:04:31,513 --> 01:04:32,873Gave her mouth-to-mouth.
95501:04:36,474 --> 01:04:38,874Longest three minutes of my life.
95601:04:40,714 --> 01:04:42,194Yeah, I'm sure.
95701:04:48,194 --> 01:04:50,595I don't think I've ever really gotten over it.
95801:04:54,195 --> 01:04:57,275Kind of defines you, doesn't it?
95901:05:02,076 --> 01:05:06,476You know like,one moment you're gliding along...
96001:05:07,796 --> 01:05:11,596the next moment you're standing in the rainwatching your life fall apart.
96101:05:13,597 --> 01:05:14,877Except it was snow.
962
01:05:16,997 --> 01:05:19,398Yeah. That's what I said, "snow."
96301:05:21,597 --> 01:05:22,717You said "rain."
96401:05:24,797 --> 01:05:26,998Some kind of precipitation.
96501:05:31,678 --> 01:05:33,198Is that what happened to you?
96601:05:37,518 --> 01:05:40,719Nothing as dramaticas falling through the ice.
96701:05:44,599 --> 01:05:46,199You know...
96801:05:47,519 --> 01:05:48,999it definitely...
96901:05:52,599 --> 01:05:54,000Left a scar?
97001:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,200Yeah.
97101:06:09,401 --> 01:06:12,801I guess it's best just not to love at all, right?
97201:06:16,882 --> 01:06:18,201Or skate.
97301:06:45,124 --> 01:06:46,484Are you here?
97401:06:55,204 --> 01:07:00,085Sara, you're such an idiot! You moron!What the hell did you think?
97501:07:00,205 --> 01:07:03,205You're so stupid! You gotta learn, Sara.
97601:07:03,285 --> 01:07:05,805- When are you gonna learn...- Should I come back later?
97701:07:07,925 --> 01:07:11,205Hi. I thought you left.
97801:07:11,526 --> 01:07:15,926Well, I did,but then I came back with breakfast.
97901:07:16,807 --> 01:07:19,807I figured it was the least that I could do.
98001:07:21,406 --> 01:07:23,806I didn't know what you were drinking...
98101:07:24,207 --> 01:07:28,727so I got a grande cap, a latte,an Earl Grey tea...
98201:07:29,007 --> 01:07:31,007and something with "chai" in the title.
98301:07:33,007 --> 01:07:34,087Tea for me.
98401:07:34,208 --> 01:07:36,808Tea. Yes! I was hoping you'd say that.
98501:07:39,687 --> 01:07:42,808Oh, God.You're a morning person, aren't you?
98601:07:44,008 --> 01:07:47,128Well, like I always tell my clients:
98701:07:47,209 --> 01:07:50,008Begin each day as if it were on purpose.
98801:07:57,529 --> 01:07:59,530- Wow. Beautiful day.- Yeah.
98901:08:01,129 --> 01:08:03,409- Beautiful girl.- Thank you.
99001:08:05,290 --> 01:08:07,130Well, I'm this way.
991
01:08:07,610 --> 01:08:09,811I'm that way.
99201:08:11,130 --> 01:08:13,211Give me a ring sometime.
99301:08:15,011 --> 01:08:16,731I mean, on the phone.
99401:08:19,211 --> 01:08:21,811No, I definitely will.
99501:08:24,332 --> 01:08:25,412Good.
99601:08:53,533 --> 01:08:55,213I gotta go to work.
99701:09:04,615 --> 01:09:05,614Bye.
99801:09:08,135 --> 01:09:09,294Goodbye.
99901:09:33,136 --> 01:09:36,217Can you believe what a beautiful day it is...
100001:09:36,817 --> 01:09:38,017not?
100101:09:38,137 --> 01:09:41,137- What's wrong, pumpkin?- I'm so stupid.
100201:09:41,697 --> 01:09:43,938I ignored your advice. I went on that date.
100301:09:44,017 --> 01:09:45,018With who?
100401:09:45,938 --> 01:09:47,417Not the lingerie guy.
100501:09:47,618 --> 01:09:50,818Vance Munson. And you're right,there's no way he ever had a mother.
100601:09:50,898 --> 01:09:52,218That bad?
100701:09:52,498 --> 01:09:56,498He took me to Scalinatella,and he was affectionate and sweet.
100801:09:57,018 --> 01:10:00,219He told me all these intimate things,like how he can't taste food...
100901:10:00,339 --> 01:10:01,699and he wants three kids.
101001:10:01,939 --> 01:10:03,138So you slept with him.
101101:10:04,419 --> 01:10:06,219
I never seen anybody get dressed that fast.
101201:10:06,419 --> 01:10:08,019Case, I'm so sorry.
101301:10:09,820 --> 01:10:13,139- Maybe I'll just die alone after all.- No, you won't.
101401:10:13,220 --> 01:10:17,420You'll meet a great guy with a great smileand you'll travel the world together.
101501:10:17,540 --> 01:10:19,620Who are you? Where's my best friend?
101601:10:19,700 --> 01:10:22,821It's true. He just hasn't found you yet.But he will.
101701:10:22,900 --> 01:10:26,420Just as he's leaving, guess what he says:"Date Doctor, my ass."
101801:10:26,621 --> 01:10:29,300- What does that mean?- It means he's really out there.
101901:10:29,421 --> 01:10:33,141
And if I ever meet him, the only datehe's gonna need is with a real doctor.
102001:10:45,302 --> 01:10:46,342That's him.
102101:10:46,823 --> 01:10:48,822Vance, is that you?
102201:10:49,423 --> 01:10:52,223Yeah, hey there, beautiful.
102301:10:52,423 --> 01:10:53,822Sara Melas, from the Standard.
102401:10:53,943 --> 01:10:56,223I'd like to discussthe dating consultant you hired...
102501:10:56,422 --> 01:10:58,423before you went out with Casey Sedgewick.
102601:11:01,823 --> 01:11:05,144You don't wanna talk, that's fine.I'm going to write this anyway.
102701:11:05,223 --> 01:11:07,824You just earned yourself a photowith a boldface caption.
102801:11:08,024 --> 01:11:09,424
What? Nice.
102901:11:09,544 --> 01:11:13,144I can only imagine how the tradingfloor guys will react when they see this.
103001:11:13,224 --> 01:11:14,824You have no proof, no facts.
103101:11:14,905 --> 01:11:17,625Vance, I'm a gossip columnist, not the DA.
103201:11:17,625 --> 01:11:20,345Okay, how much will it cost meto stay out of this?
103301:11:20,425 --> 01:11:22,225I don't want money. I want a name.
103401:11:22,345 --> 01:11:24,505- I don't know his name.- Well, what do you know?
103501:11:27,305 --> 01:11:28,625I know this.
103601:11:34,826 --> 01:11:36,826All this for a lousy lay.
103701:11:37,226 --> 01:11:38,506Are we satisfied?
103801:11:40,227 --> 01:11:41,307Almost.
103901:11:45,027 --> 01:11:47,827No, you... You got to be...
104001:11:53,427 --> 01:11:54,707Is this really necessary?
104101:11:55,428 --> 01:11:56,828Have you seen your back?
104201:11:56,828 --> 01:12:00,508No, but I see my front and maybewe should be starting with some sit-ups.
104301:12:01,308 --> 01:12:02,828God! Mother of Troy!
104401:12:06,228 --> 01:12:07,428Hello?
104501:12:08,829 --> 01:12:12,429That's crazy.Just hearing your voice makes me smile.
104601:12:12,509 --> 01:12:13,828How are you?
104701:12:13,949 --> 01:12:16,029I'm good, I think.
104801:12:16,229 --> 01:12:19,629No, actually, you know what?I feel a little strange.
104901:12:21,710 --> 01:12:23,029I'm good.
105001:12:24,350 --> 01:12:25,629Sweet Georgia Brown!
105101:12:25,830 --> 01:12:26,830What was that?
105201:12:26,910 --> 01:12:29,950No, that's just some guy screaming.
105301:12:31,030 --> 01:12:32,831Listen, is there any context...
105401:12:32,831 --> 01:12:37,830under which you'd consider facial edemaand pharmaceutical intervention a date?
105501:12:39,030 --> 01:12:40,431Probably not.
105601:12:40,511 --> 01:12:41,711How about a do-over?
105701:12:41,831 --> 01:12:44,632- What do you have in mind?- Dinner, my place.
105801:12:44,831 --> 01:12:48,351Because obviously going anywhere publicwith you is out of the question.
105901:12:49,232 --> 01:12:51,832God! That's it. I don't like you very much.
106001:12:52,032 --> 01:12:53,312What is that?
106101:12:53,432 --> 01:12:54,632Wait, I'm getting up.
106201:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,233It's like one of those makeover shows.
106301:12:57,312 --> 01:12:59,312- That's a makeover show?- It's Danish.
106401:12:59,433 --> 01:13:01,033Almost done!
106501:13:02,033 --> 01:13:03,233Friday?
106601:13:03,432 --> 01:13:08,033Can't. I told a friend I'd go speed dating.You know, for moral support.
1067
01:13:08,233 --> 01:13:09,714But tomorrow I'm free.
106801:13:11,033 --> 01:13:12,913Great. All right, 8:00?
106901:13:13,234 --> 01:13:14,153Great.
107001:13:14,234 --> 01:13:16,914- All right. Bye-bye.- Bye.
107101:13:22,035 --> 01:13:25,155- See, it wasrt so bad, was it?- God!
107201:13:29,314 --> 01:13:31,835Ball is back in playafter a 20-second timeout.
107301:13:31,955 --> 01:13:35,835Knicks lead the Grizzlies, 12-6,here early in the first quarter.
107401:13:45,316 --> 01:13:47,716- So this is what this feels like?- "This" being?
107501:13:48,436 --> 01:13:50,436Great seats, great game.
107601:13:51,956 --> 01:13:53,716Great date.
1077
01:13:55,837 --> 01:13:57,437I mean, sort of.
107801:13:58,037 --> 01:14:00,237To me, it feels like a...
107901:14:00,837 --> 01:14:02,837- Date?- Yeah.
108001:14:08,438 --> 01:14:10,158Look at her. She looks so happy.
108101:14:10,918 --> 01:14:13,438How does a guy like that end upwith a girl like her?
108201:14:19,238 --> 01:14:22,358I am so jealous.I've always wanted to be able to do that.
108301:14:22,639 --> 01:14:25,639Really? Tonight is your lucky night.Let's see what you got.
108401:14:25,719 --> 01:14:27,319Okay. You ready?
108501:14:30,159 --> 01:14:33,240- Oh, God. I'm sorry.- It's fine.
108601:14:33,319 --> 01:14:35,440Knicks off to a great start...
108701:14:35,560 --> 01:14:36,920All right, here's how it works.
108801:14:37,040 --> 01:14:41,160Central Park Zoo, tomorrow, noon,by the sea lions.
108901:14:42,360 --> 01:14:43,840No, don't worry. I'll find you.
109001:14:44,440 --> 01:14:46,160All right. Thank you.
109101:15:03,962 --> 01:15:06,162It's all right. I'm sorry.
109201:15:06,522 --> 01:15:07,842Damn me.
109301:15:12,043 --> 01:15:14,443That was it! You got it. Do it again.
109401:15:16,042 --> 01:15:17,323Look how cute they are.
109501:15:47,445 --> 01:15:48,525Thanks.
109601:16:04,247 --> 01:16:06,247I had a great time tonight, Albert.
109701:16:07,447 --> 01:16:10,047I had a great time, too, Allegra.
109801:16:29,849 --> 01:16:31,248Good night.
109901:16:31,729 --> 01:16:33,048Good night, Albert.
110001:16:46,169 --> 01:16:48,250- Allegra.- Yes?
110101:16:52,250 --> 01:16:53,450Hold on.
110201:17:14,732 --> 01:17:16,372I like your lips.
110301:17:20,253 --> 01:17:21,972They seem to like you, too.
110401:17:30,053 --> 01:17:31,453Good night.
110501:17:32,054 --> 01:17:33,333Good night.
110601:18:08,056 --> 01:18:10,176- Anything?- Not yet.
110701:18:10,936 --> 01:18:13,336But I got some great shots
of you biting your nails.
110801:18:13,736 --> 01:18:15,057Well, it's a big story.
110901:18:16,937 --> 01:18:18,457- Incoming.- Really?
111001:18:18,537 --> 01:18:19,737Yep. They're shaking hands.
111101:18:19,977 --> 01:18:22,177This is so great. I can't wait to nail this guy.
111201:18:22,257 --> 01:18:24,177Make sure you get a good shot of his face.
111301:18:24,258 --> 01:18:26,657- What's he look like?- Tall, dark, and handsome.
111401:18:26,737 --> 01:18:28,257Basic principles:
111501:18:28,458 --> 01:18:30,658No matter what, no matter who,no matter when.
111601:18:30,857 --> 01:18:32,458This is killing me.
111701:18:32,538 --> 01:18:34,178
Geoff is managing to play it straight.
111801:18:34,378 --> 01:18:36,058How long have you been in love with her?
111901:18:36,178 --> 01:18:39,658Her? About two-and-a-half years.
112001:18:42,259 --> 01:18:43,339Take a look.
112101:18:51,179 --> 01:18:54,179- How'd you get my card?- Albert Brennaman.
112201:18:54,260 --> 01:18:56,179- Great guy, isn't he?- Excellent guy.
112301:18:58,460 --> 01:18:59,860What? Sara.
112401:19:05,861 --> 01:19:09,060- Pleasure to meet you, Geoff.- Hey, what...
112501:19:13,461 --> 01:19:16,862- How'd you get my card?- Albert Brennaman.
112601:19:17,061 --> 01:19:19,182- Great guy, isn't he?- Excellent guy.
112701:19:21,462 --> 01:19:22,862You sure you want to do this?
112801:19:23,662 --> 01:19:24,662Why wouldn't I?
112901:19:27,982 --> 01:19:32,262Louise made an interesting observationon the way home the other night.
113001:19:33,342 --> 01:19:36,663She said people who are guardedare afraid...
113101:19:37,663 --> 01:19:39,583that you can see right through them.
113201:19:39,663 --> 01:19:43,743That's why they hide behindlayers of secrecy or humor.
113301:19:43,984 --> 01:19:47,183He'll have to hide behind a lot morethan that once this hits the fan.
113401:19:47,863 --> 01:19:49,063She meant you.
113501:19:54,184 --> 01:19:55,584What do you want me to say?
113601:19:57,064 --> 01:20:01,065That I like the guy?Yeah, sure, I liked the guy.
113701:20:02,665 --> 01:20:05,065Well, here's his shirt.
113801:20:07,065 --> 01:20:10,865- Why don't you think about it? Call me.- Thanks.
113901:20:22,187 --> 01:20:24,267Papi, Sara Melas is here to see you.
114001:20:25,747 --> 01:20:28,666Thanks a lot, Raoul. Send her up.And stop calling me papi.
114101:20:39,988 --> 01:20:43,188Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.
114201:20:44,468 --> 01:20:46,468I believe this belongs to you.
114301:20:50,468 --> 01:20:53,068Yeah, this thing is like a bad penny.
114401:20:53,188 --> 01:20:54,269Wow!
114501:20:55,269 --> 01:20:56,749So this is it.
114601:20:57,469 --> 01:20:59,069Yeah, this is it.
114701:21:00,749 --> 01:21:02,669Business must be good.
114801:21:03,270 --> 01:21:05,669Well, it has its rewards.
114901:21:07,470 --> 01:21:08,750I'll bet.
115001:21:10,190 --> 01:21:11,470Tough day?
115101:21:12,471 --> 01:21:13,670You could say that.
115201:21:15,191 --> 01:21:18,191Well, you know what?You can just sit back and relax.
115301:21:18,270 --> 01:21:19,991I got this all covered.
115401:21:23,071 --> 01:21:25,471Spanish wine!
115501:21:27,191 --> 01:21:29,671How thoughtful are we?
115601:21:29,752 --> 01:21:32,552- Here, let me pour that for you.- No, that's okay.
115701:21:33,191 --> 01:21:35,752- You want some?- Sure.
115801:21:37,472 --> 01:21:39,473So, Hitch.
115901:21:40,192 --> 01:21:43,472Is that a noun or a verb?
116001:21:45,993 --> 01:21:47,273I guess it depends.
116101:21:49,673 --> 01:21:53,353Let's see, what should we toast to?
116201:21:56,473 --> 01:21:59,194Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink.
116301:22:00,194 --> 01:22:03,274But if you must lie,lie in the arms of the one you love.
116401:22:04,074 --> 01:22:06,954If you must steal,steal away from bad company.
116501:22:07,074 --> 01:22:09,674If you must cheat, cheat death.
116601:22:10,555 --> 01:22:11,875And if you must drink...
116701:22:12,475 --> 01:22:15,475drink in the momentsthat take your breath away.
116801:22:17,675 --> 01:22:19,196Did you just make that up?
116901:22:31,076 --> 01:22:32,477Make yourself at home.
117001:22:33,076 --> 01:22:35,276I'm gonna check on the risotto.
117101:22:36,957 --> 01:22:40,077Look at this! Which one's the music?
117201:22:47,077 --> 01:22:48,878It does lights, too?
117301:22:50,877 --> 01:22:53,278Let me help you out with that.
117401:22:53,478 --> 01:22:55,998Now, this is nifty.
117501:22:57,598 --> 01:22:58,759What are you doing?
117601:22:59,278 --> 01:23:01,278
How does it work, exactly?
117701:23:02,879 --> 01:23:07,599Well, usually you have dinner,then you have dessert.
117801:23:08,399 --> 01:23:11,599No, I mean your thriving business.
117901:23:15,880 --> 01:23:17,200I don't do interviews.
118001:23:19,079 --> 01:23:22,680But if you'd like to get back to the evening,I'd be happy to sit and talk.
118101:23:22,761 --> 01:23:24,560Great idea. You start.
118201:23:25,881 --> 01:23:30,200Well, maybe I would if you werert snarling.
118301:23:36,481 --> 01:23:38,401What if I told you...
118401:23:38,482 --> 01:23:43,282that I know exactly what you doand how you do it?
118501:23:43,362 --> 01:23:45,202And I think it's despicable!
1186
01:23:45,282 --> 01:23:48,002You know what?We might need to go out to dinner.
118701:23:48,082 --> 01:23:51,602There's a great seafood restaurantI'd love to take you to.
118801:23:53,482 --> 01:23:55,603How about you just get a cleaver, butcher?
118901:23:56,082 --> 01:23:58,883- Maybe I will!- What the hell is wrong with you?
119001:23:59,082 --> 01:24:00,763Nothing a front-page story can't cure.
119101:24:00,883 --> 01:24:02,283So that's what this is all about?
119201:24:02,403 --> 01:24:05,084Albert and Allegraon the front of your crap-ass newspaper?
119301:24:05,204 --> 01:24:06,884- You put them there!- No, you did!
119401:24:07,083 --> 01:24:09,604
No, he did! The minute he called you!
119501:24:36,085 --> 01:24:38,006Dr. Hitch. Listen to me, papi.
119601:24:38,086 --> 01:24:42,006I need to bring my partner, Amir,somewhere amazing for our anniversary.
119701:24:42,566 --> 01:24:45,367Maybe it's not your thing, but maybe it is.
119801:24:45,487 --> 01:24:47,367What the hell are you talking about, Raoul?
119901:24:47,487 --> 01:24:48,887It's you, no?
120001:25:08,568 --> 01:25:12,408So, my friend, how was she? Pretty good?
120101:25:16,409 --> 01:25:18,769How was she? I'll tell you! She was great!
120201:25:32,690 --> 01:25:33,890Isn't that the Date Doctor?
120301:25:34,011 --> 01:25:36,970- I'm telling you, that's him.
- He doesn't look anything like him.
120401:25:37,090 --> 01:25:39,611- Excuse me. Do you know him?- No.
120501:25:40,091 --> 01:25:43,491I want you to look me in the eyeand tell me that he did not hire you.
120601:25:43,691 --> 01:25:47,292Ma'am, I have never seen this manbefore in my life.
120701:25:47,371 --> 01:25:48,411See you later, Tony.
120801:25:48,491 --> 01:25:50,972Tony? You have gotsome serious explaining to do.
120901:25:51,092 --> 01:25:52,972Albert. Hitch. You all right?
121001:25:53,091 --> 01:25:55,772I can't really talk right now.I'm kind of tied up.
121101:25:55,892 --> 01:25:57,772One, two. On three.
121201:26:05,493 --> 01:26:07,293Women will remain seated.
121301:26:07,373 --> 01:26:10,493Men will rotate to the left at the buzzer.
121401:26:10,693 --> 01:26:12,693You get two minutes each,four minutes total.
121501:26:12,774 --> 01:26:16,213So trade your talk time when you hear...
121601:26:18,413 --> 01:26:19,614the gong.
121701:26:19,694 --> 01:26:21,494If it's mutual, you get numbers.
121801:26:21,693 --> 01:26:24,975If not, better luck next time, okay?
121901:26:25,894 --> 01:26:28,214Ladies, take your seats.
122001:26:29,495 --> 01:26:34,015Case, you are a living testimonialto the triumph of hope over experience.
122101:26:34,095 --> 01:26:35,295Thanks for coming.
1222
01:26:35,375 --> 01:26:38,495I know it's lame. I'm sure it's the last thingyou feel like doing.
122301:26:38,695 --> 01:26:42,496I really prefer Rachmaninoffto the heavier romantic composers.
122401:26:42,695 --> 01:26:45,616But despite the pan-Germanicanti-Semitism...
122501:26:45,695 --> 01:26:48,696I'd still have to say my favorite is Wagner.
122601:26:50,896 --> 01:26:53,296- Nice talking to you.- Thank you. Bye.
122701:26:53,496 --> 01:26:54,496Bye.
122801:26:56,297 --> 01:26:57,496Excuse me.
122901:26:58,016 --> 01:26:59,617That's my seat, man.
123001:27:01,617 --> 01:27:03,497My name is Ron. I'm 28.
123101:27:03,697 --> 01:27:06,097
Albert Brennaman is a good man.
123201:27:06,217 --> 01:27:08,898In fact, Albert Brennaman is a great man.
123301:27:08,977 --> 01:27:11,618I just got out of a five-year relationship.
123401:27:11,697 --> 01:27:14,498I'm a lot of fun at parties. I like dogs...
123501:27:14,577 --> 01:27:17,098And then you're mad at mefor what I do for a living?
123601:27:17,218 --> 01:27:18,498I've already got your number...
123701:27:18,698 --> 01:27:21,099so why don't you goconsult your conscience?
123801:27:21,218 --> 01:27:23,898- Albert is in love with her.- Just like Sebastian?
123901:27:24,019 --> 01:27:25,899- Is there a problem?- No, just one sec.
124001:27:26,019 --> 01:27:28,579
- What do you have against Allegra anyway?- Nothing.
124101:27:28,699 --> 01:27:31,699My interest is protecting womenfrom assholes like you.
124201:27:31,779 --> 01:27:33,379I did ice climbing once.
124301:27:33,499 --> 01:27:35,699- You don't even know me.- And whose fault is that?
124401:27:35,900 --> 01:27:38,500...the sun comes up,the ice really starts to fall apart.
124501:27:38,699 --> 01:27:39,780I bet. I'm sorry.
124601:27:39,900 --> 01:27:41,900- Do you know this guy?- Apparently not.
124701:27:42,100 --> 01:27:43,620You're in my seat.
124801:27:43,700 --> 01:27:47,100You really...I'm doing you a favor, believe me.
124901:27:47,220 --> 01:27:51,221Basically, I like outdoor sports.
But indoor sports have their place, too.
125001:27:51,300 --> 01:27:53,901There are certain aspects of my jobthat are secretive.
125101:27:54,021 --> 01:27:56,021And my job is to try to find the truth.
125201:27:56,101 --> 01:27:59,622The truth? You wouldn't know the truthif it kicked you in the head.
125301:27:59,701 --> 01:28:02,182If Albert Brennaman has to take a fall for it,so be it.
125401:28:02,301 --> 01:28:04,502Why don't you saywhat's really pissing you off?
125501:28:04,581 --> 01:28:06,022I've been waiting to talk to her...
125601:28:06,102 --> 01:28:08,502- You want to sit down? Here you go. Gong!- Thank you.
125701:28:08,582 --> 01:28:09,622Excuse me.
125801:28:09,702 --> 01:28:12,702Hi. Actually, you're not supposed to move.
125901:28:12,822 --> 01:28:15,383I'm Alex Hitchens. No, it's okay. Go.
126001:28:15,503 --> 01:28:16,983- I'm Casey.- Hi, Casey.
126101:28:17,223 --> 01:28:20,023I work for a small publishing housein the press department...
126201:28:20,103 --> 01:28:23,103which isn't actually where I want to be.But it's a good house...
126301:28:23,223 --> 01:28:25,623You handled me. You manipulated me.
126401:28:25,703 --> 01:28:29,224You researched me and you showed memy great-grandfather's signature.
126501:28:29,304 --> 01:28:31,384Wait. You're Ellis Island?
1266
01:28:31,504 --> 01:28:33,304- I thought that was real sweet.- Thank you.
126701:28:33,384 --> 01:28:34,985Case, you're not helping.
126801:28:35,104 --> 01:28:36,704Excuse me, I'm on a date.
126901:28:37,904 --> 01:28:41,505Does it ever occur to womenthat maybe a guy might like to have a plan...
127001:28:41,625 --> 01:28:42,985because he's nervous?
127101:28:43,104 --> 01:28:46,905He's not sure that he could justwalk up to you and you'd respond if he said:
127201:28:46,985 --> 01:28:48,425"I like you."
127301:28:52,705 --> 01:28:55,626- That sounds good to me.- True, you can't tell them you like them.
127401:28:55,705 --> 01:28:58,826- I tried that. It didn't go well.- I've crashed and burned on that.
1275
01:28:58,906 --> 01:29:01,506That is what you did, and I did like you!
127601:29:01,626 --> 01:29:04,506I just didn't know I was being worked overby some professional.
127701:29:04,586 --> 01:29:05,907He doesn't have a badge.
127801:29:06,587 --> 01:29:08,507The only time he was sincereor spontaneous...
127901:29:08,706 --> 01:29:12,307was when everything was going wrongor when you were stoned out of your head.
128001:29:12,427 --> 01:29:15,627- I'm sorry to interrupt. Do I know you?- No, I don't think so.
128101:29:15,707 --> 01:29:18,508- You wanna see me be spontaneous?- Sure, you want a Benadryl?
128201:29:18,587 --> 01:29:22,908This is really kind of distracting.And I haven't gotten laid in a year!
1283
01:29:29,108 --> 01:29:31,789We're sorry.Why don't you guys get back to your date?
128401:29:32,588 --> 01:29:34,909Or go somewhere.
128501:29:35,909 --> 01:29:37,109Maybe from the bank?
128601:29:37,709 --> 01:29:41,309If this doesn't work out, call him.He might hook you up with Paris Hilton.
128701:29:41,389 --> 01:29:44,589Wait, that's it. You're the Date Doctor, right?
128801:29:48,989 --> 01:29:51,910- You're the Date Doctor?- Do we have a problem here?
128901:29:51,910 --> 01:29:56,430Yeah, a big one!What the hell did I ever do to you?
129001:29:58,310 --> 01:29:59,631Am I missing something?
129101:30:00,110 --> 01:30:02,111Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
129201:30:02,311 --> 01:30:04,911Why don't you go hit a titty barwith your buddy Vance?
129301:30:10,511 --> 01:30:11,512Wow.
129401:30:13,391 --> 01:30:14,512I don't believe this.
129501:30:18,032 --> 01:30:19,312That's your source?
129601:30:20,193 --> 01:30:21,712You buried yourself, Alex.
129701:30:22,312 --> 01:30:23,912Then you werert listening.
129801:30:24,033 --> 01:30:26,112I heard every word.
129901:30:26,593 --> 01:30:28,193You're a scam artist.
130001:30:28,312 --> 01:30:31,713- You trick women into getting...- Into getting out of their own way...
130101:30:31,793 --> 01:30:35,114so great guys like Albert Brennamanhave a fighting chance.
130201:30:35,234 --> 01:30:38,593No, I want everybodyto take a good look at this right now.
130301:30:38,713 --> 01:30:40,114Because this right here...
130401:30:40,314 --> 01:30:44,114this is exactly why falling in loveis so goddamn hard.
130501:30:45,514 --> 01:30:47,315Sir, let's go. Now.
130601:30:50,315 --> 01:30:52,595And Vance Munson is a pig!
130701:30:52,714 --> 01:30:54,915And I refused to work with him.
130801:30:55,635 --> 01:30:57,315You need to get your facts right.
130901:30:59,516 --> 01:31:02,516It's because of jerks like himthat I even have a job.
131001:31:05,396 --> 01:31:06,716Had a job.
131101:31:18,996 --> 01:31:20,317Can you believe that guy?
1312
01:31:21,517 --> 01:31:24,117Actually, I do.
131301:31:44,598 --> 01:31:45,799You...
131401:31:47,399 --> 01:31:49,119complete me.
131501:31:50,599 --> 01:31:52,920- I might just have...- Shut up.
131601:31:53,519 --> 01:31:55,000Just shut up.
131701:31:55,920 --> 01:31:57,800You had me at "hello."
131801:32:24,842 --> 01:32:26,121No comment.
131901:32:30,522 --> 01:32:34,323This is off the record.
132001:32:39,402 --> 01:32:41,123I came to apologize.
132101:32:41,323 --> 01:32:43,723I made some assumptions about you...
132201:32:43,923 --> 01:32:46,604based on nothing, it turns out.
132301:32:49,324 --> 01:32:53,004- I guess Casey's right. My best friend...- Don't worry about it. We're straight.
132401:32:54,324 --> 01:32:58,124I should've asked you.But sometimes you're so guarded.
132501:32:58,324 --> 01:33:01,525I just don't wanna be another reasonfor you to...
132601:33:02,525 --> 01:33:06,524I'm not someone who likes to get involvedpast a certain point.
132701:33:06,725 --> 01:33:10,325And that point was about a week ago.
132801:33:16,125 --> 01:33:20,526Well, I just want to say I'm really sorry...
132901:33:22,046 --> 01:33:23,526and I didn't mean to hurt you.
133001:33:26,046 --> 01:33:27,327You didn't.
133101:33:31,326 --> 01:33:32,527
That's a relief.
133201:34:00,449 --> 01:34:03,249- Hey, fella.- Yeah, good. You?
133301:34:05,729 --> 01:34:06,930What you got there?
133401:34:07,010 --> 01:34:11,530This? I figured maybe if my heartstops beating, it wouldn't hurt so much.
133501:34:13,010 --> 01:34:14,210She hasn't called back?
133601:34:18,531 --> 01:34:19,811You want some coffee?
133701:34:25,011 --> 01:34:26,131I want you to fix it.
133801:34:30,612 --> 01:34:31,812I got nothing, Albert.
133901:34:33,811 --> 01:34:36,131You wanna do something?We should get out tonight.
134001:34:36,212 --> 01:34:39,132Honestly, I never knew I could feel like this.
1341
01:34:39,332 --> 01:34:41,732I swear I'm going out of my mind.
134201:34:43,252 --> 01:34:45,533I wanna throw myself offof every building in New York.
134301:34:45,732 --> 01:34:50,053I see a cab and I wanna dive in front of it,because then I'll stop thinking about her.
134401:34:50,133 --> 01:34:52,733Look, you will. Just give it time.
134501:34:52,853 --> 01:34:55,134That's just it. I don't want to.
134601:34:55,534 --> 01:34:58,534I've waited my whole lifeto feel this miserable.
134701:34:58,733 --> 01:35:01,254If this is the only wayI can stay connected with her...
134801:35:01,333 --> 01:35:02,854then this is who I have to be.
134901:35:03,014 --> 01:35:06,935No, you don't.You can change, you can adapt.
135001:35:07,534 --> 01:35:10,134
You can make itso you don't ever have to feel like this.
135101:35:10,215 --> 01:35:11,135Ever again.
135201:35:21,255 --> 01:35:23,336Oh, my God. You just don't get it, do you?
135301:35:24,336 --> 01:35:25,536I get it.
135401:35:26,936 --> 01:35:28,335Let me get this straight.
135501:35:28,455 --> 01:35:31,656You're selling this stuff,but you don't believe in your own product.
135601:35:31,936 --> 01:35:34,536- Love is my life.- No. Love is your job.
135701:35:47,817 --> 01:35:50,218You wanna jump out a planewithout a chute, be my guest.
135801:35:50,338 --> 01:35:52,338But forgive me if I don't join you.
135901:35:53,537 --> 01:35:55,658
This isn't about love for you at all, is it?
136001:35:59,138 --> 01:36:01,138This whole time, I thought I was the coward.
136101:36:06,059 --> 01:36:08,058- Where you going?- Skydiving.
136201:36:37,941 --> 01:36:39,021Taxi!
136301:37:11,343 --> 01:37:12,624Mr. Hitchens.
136401:37:13,663 --> 01:37:15,824Miss Cole,thank you very much for seeing me.
136501:37:15,944 --> 01:37:18,064You said it was a matter of life and death.
136601:37:19,424 --> 01:37:22,545That man would've sold his soulto make you happy.
136701:37:22,945 --> 01:37:25,545So what does that make you, the devil?
136801:37:27,825 --> 01:37:32,465
My job is not to deceive, Miss Cole.It's to create opportunities.
136901:37:33,746 --> 01:37:34,866Like the boardroom.
137001:37:35,666 --> 01:37:37,546- Would you have noticed him otherwise?- Yes.
137101:37:37,746 --> 01:37:39,826- Really?- Eventually.
137201:37:44,226 --> 01:37:45,266Maybe.
137301:37:48,867 --> 01:37:50,946How did you know all that stuff about me?
137401:37:53,427 --> 01:37:55,147Well, you really did your homework.
137501:37:57,147 --> 01:38:00,748Like at boarding school when everyoneused to tease me because I couldn't whistle.
137601:38:01,268 --> 01:38:04,548And having him dance like a buffoon
knowing that I can't dance, either.
137701:38:05,148 --> 01:38:08,948Then telling him to drop mustardon his shirt, so I'd feel less like a dork.
137801:38:12,468 --> 01:38:14,469That was all you, right?
137901:38:15,029 --> 01:38:17,349No. Hell, no.
138001:38:17,669 --> 01:38:18,629That was him?
138101:38:19,148 --> 01:38:21,149That's got Albert written all over it.
138201:38:22,949 --> 01:38:24,629Did you put him up to the inaler?
138301:38:25,150 --> 01:38:27,269Stop it. He did not show you that.
138401:38:28,550 --> 01:38:30,550He chucked it right before he kissed me.
138501:38:31,150 --> 01:38:32,350So, wait...
138601:38:33,150 --> 01:38:35,150that stuff worked for you?
138701:38:37,150 --> 01:38:38,551It was adorable.
138801:38:45,951 --> 01:38:47,271What did you do?
138901:38:49,552 --> 01:38:50,752Nothing.
139001:38:55,832 --> 01:38:57,552Absolutely nothing.
139101:38:59,672 --> 01:39:00,752That's good.
139201:39:02,752 --> 01:39:05,153- This was your plan the whole time?- Albert.
139301:39:05,273 --> 01:39:07,353You sail off into the sunset with my girl?
139401:39:11,953 --> 01:39:15,753You were like a brother to me!
139501:39:16,633 --> 01:39:19,353- He came here for you.- Who?
139601:39:19,353 --> 01:39:20,634The guy you're choking.
139701:39:31,835 --> 01:39:33,834- I love you.- I love you.
139801:39:33,954 --> 01:39:35,754I really love you.
139901:39:39,155 --> 01:39:42,075- I love you more.- I love you more. I really do.
140001:39:44,635 --> 01:39:46,076I got somewhere I gotta go.
140101:40:16,158 --> 01:40:18,358- Yeah, who is it?- Hitch.
140201:40:19,839 --> 01:40:20,958Can I talk to you?
140301:40:29,039 --> 01:40:29,959What?
140401:40:32,359 --> 01:40:33,439You almost hit me.
140501:40:37,760 --> 01:40:41,960Look, I just wanted to stop by, basically.
1406
01:40:43,560 --> 01:40:44,760See, this is the thing.
140701:40:50,881 --> 01:40:53,761This is weird.I don't have me behind the door, you know.
140801:40:54,881 --> 01:40:55,961Close your mouth.
140901:40:59,161 --> 01:41:02,241Because I knew at some point I'd be...
141001:41:03,841 --> 01:41:07,362right here. But I thought that...
141101:41:12,163 --> 01:41:14,962everything would come out, but it's like...
141201:41:16,562 --> 01:41:17,763That's throwing me off.
141301:41:23,163 --> 01:41:25,363- Can we close the door?- What?
141401:41:25,444 --> 01:41:28,763I'm sorry. Just, can we... I just need...
141501:41:28,964 --> 01:41:31,764- Are you serious?- No, just like this.
141601:41:35,684 --> 01:41:37,284What do you want, Hitch?
141701:41:39,364 --> 01:41:40,245You.
141801:41:43,284 --> 01:41:46,965For a whole lot of reasonsthat don't make any sense to me.
141901:41:48,165 --> 01:41:51,365I mean, what, we've been on three dates?
142001:41:52,166 --> 01:41:54,086See, that's what's crazy.
142101:41:54,245 --> 01:41:56,885That's what's crazy, because I know.
142201:41:57,166 --> 01:41:58,485I know deep...
142301:41:58,566 --> 01:42:03,286like just down, just in this area...
142401:42:03,966 --> 01:42:05,966that I just know...
142501:42:07,446 --> 01:42:08,967that I want...
142601:42:09,687 --> 01:42:13,567I want to be miserable.
142701:42:13,686 --> 01:42:16,367Like, really miserable.
142801:42:16,887 --> 01:42:17,967Because, hey...
142901:42:18,087 --> 01:42:22,487if that's what it takesfor me to be happy then...
143001:42:24,647 --> 01:42:26,368Wait, that didn't come out right.
143101:42:26,488 --> 01:42:28,768What the hell is wrong with you?
143201:42:28,768 --> 01:42:31,568- Nothing!- No, not you.
143301:42:33,168 --> 01:42:34,968I'm talking to me.
143401:42:55,290 --> 01:42:57,170Alex Hitchens, Tom Reda.
143501:43:01,571 --> 01:43:02,971I'll just put this in the car.
143601:43:16,652 --> 01:43:18,252
Maybe it's like what you said.
143701:43:18,491 --> 01:43:22,372We should just both go our separate waysand then we'll do just fine.
143801:43:33,693 --> 01:43:35,293What if fine isn't good enough?
143901:43:40,374 --> 01:43:41,974What if I want extraordinary?
144001:43:43,173 --> 01:43:44,374No such thing.
144101:43:56,375 --> 01:43:58,375I'm just as scared as you are, Sara.
144201:43:59,055 --> 01:44:02,095But I'm right here, and our time is right now.
144301:44:02,495 --> 01:44:03,975Well, what about before?
144401:44:03,975 --> 01:44:07,176I am a guy. Since whendo we get anything right the first time?
144501:44:07,295 --> 01:44:09,696I'm a realist,and I know what love does to people.
144601:44:10,176 --> 01:44:11,696- No, you don't.- Keys.
144701:44:13,776 --> 01:44:16,176There you go. Right here.
144801:44:19,176 --> 01:44:21,857I don't know who this is, and I don't care.
144901:44:22,577 --> 01:44:26,777What I do know is he'll never feel about youthe way that I do.
145001:44:29,177 --> 01:44:31,778- You know how to drive a stick?- Both of you, shut up!
145101:44:38,378 --> 01:44:40,778- You okay?- Yeah. No, I'm fine.
145201:44:41,779 --> 01:44:43,778You'll never be fine, and neither will I!
145301:44:47,179 --> 01:44:48,378Maybe I should drive.
145401:44:49,458 --> 01:44:51,459Are you trying to get yourself killed?
145501:44:51,699 --> 01:44:53,059If that's what it takes.
145601:44:53,179 --> 01:44:54,500Sara, what happened?
145701:44:54,579 --> 01:44:56,980- He jumped on the car.- Why?
145801:44:57,780 --> 01:44:59,300Because that's what people do.
145901:45:00,179 --> 01:45:03,380They leap and hope to God they can fly.
146001:45:08,980 --> 01:45:10,180Because otherwise...
146101:45:11,300 --> 01:45:13,700we just drop like a rock...
146201:45:14,381 --> 01:45:16,101wondering the whole way down:
146301:45:16,981 --> 01:45:20,381"Why in the hell did I jump?"
146401:45:22,101 --> 01:45:25,582But here I am, Sara, falling.
146501:45:26,581 --> 01:45:30,502And there's only one person
that makes me feel like I can fly.
146601:45:32,782 --> 01:45:33,862That's you.
146701:45:39,062 --> 01:45:41,583So, you kind of like me?
146801:45:42,583 --> 01:45:43,703No.
146901:45:44,783 --> 01:45:45,863I love you.
147001:45:47,183 --> 01:45:49,463I love you, and I knew it from the first...
147101:45:59,705 --> 01:46:02,185If I say it back now, it'll sound so stupid.
147201:46:05,305 --> 01:46:09,305This is the guy I was telling you about.Hitch, that's my sister, Maria.
147301:46:09,385 --> 01:46:11,185And that's her husband, Tom.
147401:46:15,466 --> 01:46:16,666Her husband.
147501:46:56,789 --> 01:46:58,189Where's your date?
147601:46:58,788 --> 01:47:00,189Don't have one.
147701:47:05,789 --> 01:47:07,469I know. Shocking, huh?
147801:47:10,910 --> 01:47:13,470Oh, my God!
147901:47:20,190 --> 01:47:21,390Are you all right?
148001:47:22,991 --> 01:47:24,391Grandma, what happened?
148101:47:24,911 --> 01:47:27,991This young lady just saved my life.
148201:47:32,592 --> 01:47:34,591
Ask her to dance.
148301:47:35,791 --> 01:47:37,872Well, if you insist.
148401:47:38,992 --> 01:47:41,872- I'm Casey.- Charles Wellington.
148501:47:43,072 --> 01:47:46,112- And this...- Forget it. Just go.
148601:47:59,193 --> 01:48:00,794Basic principles:
148701:48:02,194 --> 01:48:03,313There are none.