v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

B y A l i a h U d d i n

Her Demise

iii

Copyright © 2012 Aliah UddinAll rights reserved.

ISBN-10: 1477460519EAN-13: 9781477460511

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012908738CreateSpace, North Charleston, SC

Cover Image Photographer: Ottice JamaalCover Model: Shailey U. Vallejo

To all men and women. This doesn’t have to be you.

iii

Copyright © 2012 Aliah UddinAll rights reserved.

ISBN-10: 1477460519EAN-13: 9781477460511

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012908738CreateSpace, North Charleston, SC

Cover Image Photographer: Ottice JamaalCover Model: Shailey U. Vallejo

To all men and women. This doesn’t have to be you.

v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

vii

What Keeps Us There?

What keeps us there?Here… in love.Is it the gentle caress of a hand? That sly look you catch

out of the corner of your eye? The security that’s offered? That blanket of warmth that is your lover’s body?

Perhaps love is the drug and the significant other your dealer. Always giving the good stuff, taking it away, and giv-ing it back again. You get so deep and lost in that someone that you become a different person. A junkie for their love. Suddenly—and you’re not sure how you got there—this person becomes your world and your everything; you can’t imagine life without your other. Life is perfect. And when things go wrong and you’re going through withdrawals, your world has ended. You are like a fiend for their good side, and you’re only given something small. Just a taste—whether a look, a hug, an “I’m sorry,” or an “I love you.” It’s enough to suppress the pain. Like a junkie, you spend your days chasing that first high. That first taste of love’s goodness from your dealer, your lover…

And there she lay on a soft bed…Feeling suffocated by pain, she gripped the goose down

blanket tightly as the man she loved ripped her in two.What keeps her there?

v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

ix

Prologue

She sat alone in the kitchen, staring at the wall. A full cup of tea cooling on the table beside her. Arms wrapped loosely around her now empty belly.

She missed her.Her little baby. Swimming around in her belly. Pressing

against her stomach, her ribs, crushing her bladder, pushing things around so she could make more comfy room for herself.

They told her she was five pounds and eleven ounces. Eighteen inches long.

Death unknown.“Sometimes these things happen,” they told her.But this wasn’t one of those times when things “just hap-

pen.” It wasn’t an accident. Preston had been at her. He grew more and more aggressive the closer they got to her due date. She, Naima, was due two weeks after Preston’s birthday. A little summer baby. She had only been eight months along when this all happened.

If only she had shown him what she was hiding. If she had just told him he had nothing to worry about. If she would have just listened to him instead of walking away. Maybe she’d be in my arms right now, Sariah thought sadly.

1

H e r D e m i s e

x

Her breasts were sore. She was dying to squeeze out just a little of her milk. They say the baby is hungry when your breasts hurt. But the nurses sorrowfully told her not to touch them. To let them hurt, let them get hard, and let them dry up. She had to walk with the constant reminder that there wasn’t a child to latch onto her aching, milk-filled bosom.

And she had an incision on her lower abdomen. Bikini cut. It was always painful to stand up. Painful to walk. And nothing to show for it. They cut her open while she was unconscious, removed her baby, and didn’t even let her see her, hold her, kiss her goodbye.

God, she missed her.Preston said she was beautiful. Told her that the doctor let

him see her and she was precious and looked just like them. Her eyes were shut tight, so he couldn’t see their color. She had dimples, he said. His dimples.

He said he was sorry. That he didn’t mean any of it. And…I forgive him, but…I hate him I hate him I hate him! She began to sob hard and quietly. How could he take my baby? She was mine. She was mine she was mine she was mine. She rubbed vigorously at her eyes, trying to stop the tears, and for just a moment, she thought, I wish I never stopped to talk to him that day. I wish I’d never said anything.

She grabbed her mug and took a small sip, the past slowly playing through her mind.

The Past

1

H e r D e m i s e

x

Her breasts were sore. She was dying to squeeze out just a little of her milk. They say the baby is hungry when your breasts hurt. But the nurses sorrowfully told her not to touch them. To let them hurt, let them get hard, and let them dry up. She had to walk with the constant reminder that there wasn’t a child to latch onto her aching, milk-filled bosom.

And she had an incision on her lower abdomen. Bikini cut. It was always painful to stand up. Painful to walk. And nothing to show for it. They cut her open while she was unconscious, removed her baby, and didn’t even let her see her, hold her, kiss her goodbye.

God, she missed her.Preston said she was beautiful. Told her that the doctor let

him see her and she was precious and looked just like them. Her eyes were shut tight, so he couldn’t see their color. She had dimples, he said. His dimples.

He said he was sorry. That he didn’t mean any of it. And…I forgive him, but…I hate him I hate him I hate him! She began to sob hard and quietly. How could he take my baby? She was mine. She was mine she was mine she was mine. She rubbed vigorously at her eyes, trying to stop the tears, and for just a moment, she thought, I wish I never stopped to talk to him that day. I wish I’d never said anything.

She grabbed her mug and took a small sip, the past slowly playing through her mind.

The Past

v

Acknowledgements

My Husband, Kamal. I love you! My babies, Chunker, Tobi, and Saadi, Mommy loves you the most!

Mom, where would I be without you? Not only a great mom, but an awesome friend. You read this book so many times and, no matter what, and in so many ways, you have always been encouraging and supportive.

Dad, in many ways, you have shown me what makes a man a man.

My brothers, Pupo, Isaiah, and Manny: there are so many wonderful things to say about you guys. You three always put a smile on my face; My sister, Kristel: always with open ears; Dawn, you have always been very encouraging. And you are always there when I really need a friend; Shailey, my sister and comai. You were there for a big part of this; for a big part of me. I love you.

Papyn, I love you. You have always been encouraging and extremely supportive, especially when it came to this. LOL Thanks for reading it so many times.

And Rachael Dunlop. Thank you for steering me in the right direction.

To all my friends and family.

3

Sariah

It was chilly and gloomy. In her haste, she left her purse behind, metro card snug in its little compart-ment, her umbrella lying right next to it. She tugged the sides of her cardigan closer together, placing one side over the other, her arms crossed tightly against her chest.

The sky was gray and the streets were pretty empty, compared to usual. It was going to rain, and she hoped she’d make it home before it started because she didn’t feel like rushing. She strolled through the park on Union Square almost feeling sorry for herself. She’d just broken up with Kevin. They’d been going together for a few months now. It didn’t take long for her to decide that they weren’t doing anything more for each other than just filling a void. He wanted sex and she needed a Mr. Right Now. The routine had got-ten old, and now the left side of her bed was cold.

“Excuse me.”She was startled from her thoughts by a baritone

voice. She looked to her left and then her right, smiled at the fella who caught her attention, and kept walking.

“Can I speak to you for a minute?”

H e r D e m i s e

4 5

A l i A H U D D i n

She turned back and decided to listen to what he wanted to say. She learned early on that it was polite to smile at other men if they smiled at you and to say hello if they said hello. That or get cursed out loud enough for the whole block to hear.

She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous habit.

“My name is Preston.”She smiled, amused. “Hi, Preston.”“This is going to sound like such a line, but I have

to tell you anyway that I think you’re too beautiful to walk around with such a sad look on your face. I would love it if you would come with me over there,” he pointed to the Starbucks across the street, “and talk for a little while.”

“And why would I do that, Preston?” He was so quick to the point. It was a bit intimidating. She liked it.

“Because,” he smiled, “I promise you,” he began jokingly, “whatever has you looking so sad will be for-gotten after some coffee with me.”

She hesitated a bit.“Tea?”She bit her lip.“Okay, hot chocolate?”At his persistence, and more importantly, at the

idea of such a fine man walking away, she agreed. After all, he might be the one to keep that spot warm later on. “How about a frap?” She looked up at him. “I’m Sariah, by the way.”

She knew it was probably a bad idea going with him. She needed to break old habits. She really wanted

a boyfriend, not a fuck-buddy or Mr. Right Now, and here she was again, jumping on the first opportunity. Maybe this one last time. He is fine!

She started heading toward the Starbucks, and he turned to join her. Once inside, she grabbed the first table she saw, and he got on line.

While he ordered her grande caramel frap, she contemplated whether she should stay awhile or make it a quick chat. When he wasn’t looking, she checked him out, giving him a quick once-over. He was quite the package, standing well over six feet, he had to be at least 230 pounds of muscle. Not muscles that were overdone and bulky, but just enough for his body type—wide shoulders, his back shaped like a V. He had small, light brown, Asian eyes, a mocha complex-ion, and, she noticed when he placed her cup in front of her, big, strong hands. She briefly imagined those hands caressing her breasts and her thighs while he planted his soft, pouty lips on her neck.

“Thanks.”“Sure.”“I’m sorry, but you are huge. How tall are you?”He chuckled and leaned back in his seat. “Six-five.”“Wow! So what do you do? Play basketball?”He laughed a little. “Why does everyone say that?

I actually work at an architectural firm. I don’t design or anything. I do more of the deal catching, you know. Stuff like that.”

“Sounds exciting,” she said sarcastically, with amusement in her tone.

“Nice and boring with lots of details.”She fell in love with his dimples.

H e r D e m i s e

4 5

A l i A H U D D i n

She turned back and decided to listen to what he wanted to say. She learned early on that it was polite to smile at other men if they smiled at you and to say hello if they said hello. That or get cursed out loud enough for the whole block to hear.

She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous habit.

“My name is Preston.”She smiled, amused. “Hi, Preston.”“This is going to sound like such a line, but I have

to tell you anyway that I think you’re too beautiful to walk around with such a sad look on your face. I would love it if you would come with me over there,” he pointed to the Starbucks across the street, “and talk for a little while.”

“And why would I do that, Preston?” He was so quick to the point. It was a bit intimidating. She liked it.

“Because,” he smiled, “I promise you,” he began jokingly, “whatever has you looking so sad will be for-gotten after some coffee with me.”

She hesitated a bit.“Tea?”She bit her lip.“Okay, hot chocolate?”At his persistence, and more importantly, at the

idea of such a fine man walking away, she agreed. After all, he might be the one to keep that spot warm later on. “How about a frap?” She looked up at him. “I’m Sariah, by the way.”

She knew it was probably a bad idea going with him. She needed to break old habits. She really wanted

a boyfriend, not a fuck-buddy or Mr. Right Now, and here she was again, jumping on the first opportunity. Maybe this one last time. He is fine!

She started heading toward the Starbucks, and he turned to join her. Once inside, she grabbed the first table she saw, and he got on line.

While he ordered her grande caramel frap, she contemplated whether she should stay awhile or make it a quick chat. When he wasn’t looking, she checked him out, giving him a quick once-over. He was quite the package, standing well over six feet, he had to be at least 230 pounds of muscle. Not muscles that were overdone and bulky, but just enough for his body type—wide shoulders, his back shaped like a V. He had small, light brown, Asian eyes, a mocha complex-ion, and, she noticed when he placed her cup in front of her, big, strong hands. She briefly imagined those hands caressing her breasts and her thighs while he planted his soft, pouty lips on her neck.

“Thanks.”“Sure.”“I’m sorry, but you are huge. How tall are you?”He chuckled and leaned back in his seat. “Six-five.”“Wow! So what do you do? Play basketball?”He laughed a little. “Why does everyone say that?

I actually work at an architectural firm. I don’t design or anything. I do more of the deal catching, you know. Stuff like that.”

“Sounds exciting,” she said sarcastically, with amusement in her tone.

“Nice and boring with lots of details.”She fell in love with his dimples.

H e r D e m i s e

6 7

A l i A H U D D i n

“What about you?”She crossed her legs. “I actually just graduated

from Hunter. I just started working full time at a non-profit company. Basically inputting loan information, I do the closings.”

“Sounds just as exciting as my job.”They laughed.“Where are you from?”“I’m from here. My mom’s black; my dad is from

India.” She thought she’d kill two birds with one stone. Usually, when people asked her where she was from, she’d say “New York,” and then they’d ask where her parents were from, wanting to know her ethnicity.

“Ah, I thought you looked Indian. Something around the eyes, which are amazing, by the way.” Her father always told her that she had her grandmother’s gray eyes. They were long and cat-like, slanted with the inner corners turned down.

“Thanks. What about you?”“My mom is actually Japanese. My dad’s African

American.”Before she knew it, two hours had gone by and

she was starving. She didn’t know if things would go beyond their little corner in Starbucks, but she hoped he wanted more. He was so…nice. And sweet. And charming. He didn’t look the type to settle down. And though that normally wouldn’t be a problem, she wasn’t so sure she could just sleep with him and forget about him the next day.

They mostly talked about work, friends, the things they liked to do, and what they had in common. She

felt she could call him a friend, but who wants a friend as fine as him?

He checked his watch. Her face showed disappoint-ment for just a moment. This must be the end of their coffee break.

“Wow! It’s dark out.” She wanted to be the first to leave. “I didn’t even notice.” She pulled at the sweater. “I guess I’d better be getting home.” She stood up to leave.

“Actually,” he touched her hand, “I’m starving. I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to dinner.”

She pushed that irritating loose strand behind her ear. A sweet smile. “I’d like that. I forgot to eat lunch. I’m starving.”

“No salad for you then?”He put his hand on the small of her back and led

her out the door. “No, no rabbit food for me.”Over dinner, they discussed more of their personal

lives. She explained that she was basically the product of an affair. Her mother gave birth to a set of twins when she was seventeen and was forced to marry the boyfriend. He basically wanted her to be a housewife, but her mother had bigger plans and went to college where she met the man who would “change her life forever.” Sariah spoke of it as if it were a fairytale. They had an affair for six months before her mother’s hus-band found out. He left her, and she was pregnant. Filled with relief, her mother divorced her husband shortly after and married her boyfriend, Aman. Three months later, she gave birth to Sariah and died from hemorrhage. When Sariah was two, her father, Aman, remarried. At first, and for several years, Sariah told

H e r D e m i s e

6 7

A l i A H U D D i n

“What about you?”She crossed her legs. “I actually just graduated

from Hunter. I just started working full time at a non-profit company. Basically inputting loan information, I do the closings.”

“Sounds just as exciting as my job.”They laughed.“Where are you from?”“I’m from here. My mom’s black; my dad is from

India.” She thought she’d kill two birds with one stone. Usually, when people asked her where she was from, she’d say “New York,” and then they’d ask where her parents were from, wanting to know her ethnicity.

“Ah, I thought you looked Indian. Something around the eyes, which are amazing, by the way.” Her father always told her that she had her grandmother’s gray eyes. They were long and cat-like, slanted with the inner corners turned down.

“Thanks. What about you?”“My mom is actually Japanese. My dad’s African

American.”Before she knew it, two hours had gone by and

she was starving. She didn’t know if things would go beyond their little corner in Starbucks, but she hoped he wanted more. He was so…nice. And sweet. And charming. He didn’t look the type to settle down. And though that normally wouldn’t be a problem, she wasn’t so sure she could just sleep with him and forget about him the next day.

They mostly talked about work, friends, the things they liked to do, and what they had in common. She

felt she could call him a friend, but who wants a friend as fine as him?

He checked his watch. Her face showed disappoint-ment for just a moment. This must be the end of their coffee break.

“Wow! It’s dark out.” She wanted to be the first to leave. “I didn’t even notice.” She pulled at the sweater. “I guess I’d better be getting home.” She stood up to leave.

“Actually,” he touched her hand, “I’m starving. I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to dinner.”

She pushed that irritating loose strand behind her ear. A sweet smile. “I’d like that. I forgot to eat lunch. I’m starving.”

“No salad for you then?”He put his hand on the small of her back and led

her out the door. “No, no rabbit food for me.”Over dinner, they discussed more of their personal

lives. She explained that she was basically the product of an affair. Her mother gave birth to a set of twins when she was seventeen and was forced to marry the boyfriend. He basically wanted her to be a housewife, but her mother had bigger plans and went to college where she met the man who would “change her life forever.” Sariah spoke of it as if it were a fairytale. They had an affair for six months before her mother’s hus-band found out. He left her, and she was pregnant. Filled with relief, her mother divorced her husband shortly after and married her boyfriend, Aman. Three months later, she gave birth to Sariah and died from hemorrhage. When Sariah was two, her father, Aman, remarried. At first, and for several years, Sariah told

H e r D e m i s e

8 9

A l i A H U D D i n

Preston, her relationship with Anjali, her stepmother, was great, but one day it changed. She was okay with it and had come to terms with the whole situation with her stepmother. Her twin sisters never liked her because they were taught that she broke up the fam-ily. She didn’t have much of a family, but she had few friends whom she loved dearly.

Preston listened closely and responded very little.After some time he pulled out his phone. “Hey, let

me get your number.”She hesitated for a moment, but then decided,

what the hell. You never know.She pulled out her cell and handed it to him. “Give

me yours.”They exchanged numbers, talked for a few more

minutes, and then he offered to walk her home. She didn’t live too far away. Her father had been paying for an apartment for her on Fourteenth and Avenue A.

“Umm, actually, that’s all right.”“Why not?”“Because…” She put on her sweater. “Maybe next

time.”He hailed her a cab. “It’s late. If you won’t let me

walk you home, take a cab.”“No, it’s cool. I actually left my purse. I’ve only got

five bucks on me.”“Did I say anything about you paying?” he asked

matter-of-factly, but sweetly. “It’s on me. I don’t mind.”He put her in the cab and handed her a twenty.“It was really nice meeting you, Sariah. I’ll call you.”She smiled her beautiful smile, feeling a little

bummed out. She knew he probably wouldn’t call. As

he said, he’s not into relationships, and she told him she wasn’t looking to fool around.

“I had a great time. Thank you for keeping your promise. I have to say, you made my day.”

“Glad I could be of service,” he said jokingly.He leaned into the cab and gave her a kiss on the

cheek.“Later.”He stepped back just as the cab pulled off. She was

so excited. It was so hard not to invite him over to her apartment. Who knows, she thought. I might be the one to turn him back into the relationship kind.

H e r D e m i s e

8 9

A l i A H U D D i n

Preston, her relationship with Anjali, her stepmother, was great, but one day it changed. She was okay with it and had come to terms with the whole situation with her stepmother. Her twin sisters never liked her because they were taught that she broke up the fam-ily. She didn’t have much of a family, but she had few friends whom she loved dearly.

Preston listened closely and responded very little.After some time he pulled out his phone. “Hey, let

me get your number.”She hesitated for a moment, but then decided,

what the hell. You never know.She pulled out her cell and handed it to him. “Give

me yours.”They exchanged numbers, talked for a few more

minutes, and then he offered to walk her home. She didn’t live too far away. Her father had been paying for an apartment for her on Fourteenth and Avenue A.

“Umm, actually, that’s all right.”“Why not?”“Because…” She put on her sweater. “Maybe next

time.”He hailed her a cab. “It’s late. If you won’t let me

walk you home, take a cab.”“No, it’s cool. I actually left my purse. I’ve only got

five bucks on me.”“Did I say anything about you paying?” he asked

matter-of-factly, but sweetly. “It’s on me. I don’t mind.”He put her in the cab and handed her a twenty.“It was really nice meeting you, Sariah. I’ll call you.”She smiled her beautiful smile, feeling a little

bummed out. She knew he probably wouldn’t call. As

he said, he’s not into relationships, and she told him she wasn’t looking to fool around.

“I had a great time. Thank you for keeping your promise. I have to say, you made my day.”

“Glad I could be of service,” he said jokingly.He leaned into the cab and gave her a kiss on the

cheek.“Later.”He stepped back just as the cab pulled off. She was

so excited. It was so hard not to invite him over to her apartment. Who knows, she thought. I might be the one to turn him back into the relationship kind.