HELPING THE CHALLENGING

CHILD & FAMILY: LEARNING TOOLS TO

IMPACT CHANGE

By Holly Schneider, LCSWChild and Family TherapistAffiliated Clinical Services

hollys@affiliatedclinical.com

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCEEI involves the ability to perceive accurately, manage,

and express emotion; the ability to access and generate feelings

when they facilitate thought, the ability to understand emotion and

thought; the ability to regulate emotion and promote emotional and

intellectual growth

EI involves:

1) knowing one’s emotions

2) managing emotions

3) motivating oneself

4) recognizing emotions in others (empathy)

5) handling relationships smoothly

*emotional security affects learning and memory

WELLNESS MODEL: SKILLS FOCUS

PHYSICAL NEEDS

INTERNAL (thoughts &

emotions)

SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT &

SKILLS

SPIRITUAL LIFE

EMOTIONAL DISORDERS

Adjustment Disorders ODD ADHD Depression/Mood Disorders Anxiety Disorders (Separation,

Phobias, GAD; SAD, OCD, PTSD) Autism Spectrum Psychotic Disorders

THE SENSITIVE CHILD Large emotional range, empathy Highly anxious behaviors Poor concentration/focus Learning and memory Fluctuates between extremes Overly sensitive to others (fight/flight) Somatic issues/strong body awareness Negative or intense thoughts Self critical/critical of others

THE BEHAVIORALLY CHALLENGED Lacks empathy /entitlement Easily frustrated, reacts quickly Impulsive Oppositional/argumentative Stirs up trouble Shows disrespect to authority/others Lies to get out of trouble Charming/manipulative Inconsistent Stubborn

THE TRAUMATIZED CHILD Frequent somatic issues and illness Misses school often Preoccupied/distracted, less likely defiant Zones out/misses valuable pieces of

information Lacks coping skills/appears to be in distress Waivers between extreme sensitivity and

detachment/shuts down Systemic warning signs: unexplained

marks; vague answers; inconsistent accounts between parent/child

UNDERSTANDING THE BRAIN Prefrontal cortex vs. amygdala Cortisol: The stress hormone Adrenal system The hippocampus Basil ganglia Serotonin, dopamine

THE BRAIN’S ADRENALINE CYCLE

CALM COACHING SKILLS Being in aware of the child’s emotion Recognizing emotion as an opportunity for closeness and teaching Listening empathetically and validating feelings

(LUV technique) before shifting focus Helping the child find words to talk about the

emotion (I feel…..because.. I need….) Teaching emotional tools to calming down (fuse

box) Setting limits, giving choices, consistent follow

through, and finding simple solutions for resolve Paying attention/growing virtues and Christian

character

TEACHING VALUES AND VIRTUES Being responsible/reliable Having courage Showing respect Being truthful Being compassionate/loving Having empathy for others Forgiving others Showing restraint Fruits of the Spirit Taking Initiative

ASSESSING NEEDS Assess for abuse and trauma: ask

questions/pay attention to risk factors Identify needs and tools that the child

needs to gain to be reinforced at home Teaching soothing skills/mindfulness to

children and parents motivational and study skills

Social skills goals, groups, diads, 1:1 Same page check-ins for

updates/progress Helping parents focus on health, not

happiness (teaching boundaries)

SKILLS FOR CHANGING BEHAVIOR THINKING SKILLS: ANTs, Core Christian

Compass, Plan B, Memory words

EMOTIONAL SKILLS: calming(sensorial) tools, working through feelings, letting go (buckets, lanes, box)

BEHAVIORAL SKILLS: writing down goals or plans for change, prayer journal, asking for help, routine, saying I’m sorry, resolve plan

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Motivational skills Mindfulness Plan B thinking Nurturing brain balance (left vs. right) Disengaging emotionally from the negative

behavior/frustration Giving consequences in a loving

temperature Tying boundaries to values Having an emotional skills corner (feelings,

ANTs, ER skills, Cool down chair, fidgets, inside age chart, imagery tools, etc)

STRATEGIES IN THE CLASSROOM ANTs: Anxious Negative Thoughts poster Stop light Decision buckets: problem solving model PLAN B thinking and cause/effect Emotional toolbox drawing Cool down center (sensorial experience/soothing) Skill building exercises-role plays/practicing Inside age chart Resolving conflict-communication styles The fidget for focus Post it thinking (gratitude wall) Art and music learning tools Accountability Corner Memory or imagery words (LEGO)

APPLICATION MOMENTS Bullying situations: overt/covert Child refusing to listen Helicopter parent Parent overly identifies with needs of

child The angry parent/child The sexually acting out child The overly indulged child The “I don’t fit in” child The explosive child The extremely shy or passive child

RESOURCES

Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence by Bahman & Maffini

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Goleman The Brain and Emotional Intelligence:New Insights by

Goleman Emotional Development & Emotional Intelligence:

Educational Implications by Salovey & Sluyter Boundaries with Kids (Teens) by Cloud & Townsend Parenting with Scripture by Durbin The Heart of Anger by Priolo The Strong Willed Child and Dare to Discipline by Dobson When Love is Not Enough by Thomas

I Peter 3:8-9,15-16 Live in harmony with one another; be

sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult.

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason

for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.