Healthy families

More on marriages in crises!

(or only mostly in crises)

A quick review of last week’s fifth symptom

5. -Escalation-when in a discussion, one or both partners begin to escalate the conversation to hostile levels.

James 1:20) For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.

Some new scriptures:

Proverbs 14:17

A quick-tempered man = acts foolishly,

And a man of wicked intentions = is hated.

Proverbs 16:32

He who is slow to anger = is better than the mighty,

And he who rules his spirit = than he who takes a city.

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry,

For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Prov 14:29) The one who is slow to anger has great understanding, but the one who has a quick temper exalts folly.

Anger is always used to bully, to control, to frighten to submission.

Angry people will use anger;

-to get their way.

-to frighten people who stand in their way.

-to control people to adopt their way

Angry people are fearful people. If you drill down far enough, you will find fear of some kind.

Col 3:8) But now, put off all such things as anger, rage, malice, slander, abusive language from your mouth.

Somehow all these go hand in hand, however, angry people usually feel the need to release a barrage of un-colorful language in their tirade.

Why?These next 3 deal with unity within marriages.

Many couples struggle with these very important issues, that were not settled before they were married. Or changed during the marriage. Still though, they are hot buttons!!!

6. Not handling disagreements as a team

7. Difference in beliefs about important issues.

8. Not practicing faith/spirituality together.

Ps 133

BEHOLD, how good and how pleasant it is For brethren to dwell together in unity!

Phil 1:27) Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, … that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel,

2 Cor 6:14) (You) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?

And what communion has light with darkness?

15) And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

BE UNITED ON ALL THE BATTLE FRONTS!

7. Some differences in beliefs about important issues.

1. Raising and disciplining children

2. Handling Money

3. Husband wife roles (dominance/submission)

4. Sex

5. Extended family relations

8. Not practicing faith/spirituality together.

This one has to be unified!

Examples of this:

1. One spouse goes to church the other does not.

2. One spouse walks in the Spirit the other is carnal/fleshy.

3. Some doctrinal issues are make or break issues.

4. Going to different churches.

This obviously has to be examined on a case by case level.

The principle remains, you cannot be divided on 6,7,8.

These last two go hand in hand because one can create the other.

9. Unrealistic beliefs about marriage.10. A low level of commitment to one another

(infidelity, no long-term goals, etc.)We have the commands of God as to how we

are suppose to treat each other but beyond that, we must remember that in this life nothing is perfect.

Hollywood’s version of love and marriage, is exposed by the fact of their ridiculously high divorce rate and their rampant infidelity.

Rom 8:22) For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.

23) Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.

2 Corinthians 5:2

For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven,

2 Corinthians 5:4

For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.

If those who have the Spirit groan, that means there is something horribly wrong! So be careful what you expect and remember GRACE in marriage!

Eph 4:32) And be kind to one another, (be) tenderhearted, (to one another)forgiving one another,

even as God in Christ forgave you.1 Cor 10:24) Let no one seek his own, but

each one the other’s well-being.Eph 5:25) Husbands, love your wives, just as

Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, Tell me, if you are practicing these last three scriptures…

Are you going to have a low level of commitment to one another?

Are you going to cheat on one another?

Are you going to be divided from one another?

Are you in it for the long haul? Or are you going to move on when you find someone better?

Next week: The man’s role as father and grandpa.