My older brother Steve was my idol growing up. He played bass, tennis, and knew all about music that you would never hear on Casey’s Top 40 or fi nd in the lyrics published in Tiger Beat. While I was listening to Andy Gibb and the Bee Gees, he was playing the Ramones on his portable record player. Steve was into skateboarding and BMX well before the X Games. So, it came as no surprise to my parents when I insisted on emulating my big brother and competing in the girls’ division of a BMX race. Off we went—a brother and sister on a mission. Steve—experienced and confi dent; Monica—determined and a little impertinent.

My parents never said that I wasn’t allowed. They encouraged me. I never questioned that I could do it or at least I never let on that I might have been a bit nervous. Steve loaned me his bike and my parents made sure I wore his protective gear. As a parent, I can only imagine that they were nervous and may have questioned themselves as race time drew near. When I rounded the fi nal dusty turn, I remember how confi dent I felt. I could do it; I had just proved it to myself. I never raced BMX again.

By Monica M. Gillespie, Ph.D., Head of School

HEADLINES

A newsletter for Saint Mary’s School Parents

SAINT MARY’S

FEATURESVol. 1, No. 1

October 2015

Educating Girls

From Pipe Dream to Reality

Tips for Parents

Saint Mary’s Guiding Principles

Upcoming Events “There is freedom waiting for you,On the breezes of the sky,And you ask, “What if I fall?”Oh but my darling,What if you fl y?” ~ Erin Hanson

Educating Girls

What if you fl y?

What if you fl y? continued from fi rst page

I did not realize at the time that by letting me race my parents had given me more than permission to take on a new challenge, they had given me a gift, one that their 12-year-old daughter did not fully appreciate at the time. They allowed me to lead my own life.

At Saint Mary’s School, we believe in girls leading their own lives. We know that when girls are empowered to see their value and worth, they create robust visions of themselves. When a 9th grader has the opportunity to build her knowledge about a contemporary topic in World Voices and formulate her own opinion, she is drawing upon her value and worth. Partnering with a local nonprofi t in community service, a 10th grader draws her strength from knowing her value and worth and begins to shape a vision for her life. Standing behind the podium delivering a speech, a junior demonstrates the power of her voice and her convictions as a refl ection of her value and worth in a community where we respect the worth and dignity of all. Nearing the end of their journey at Saint Mary’s, seniors serve as role models as they consider how their lives will take shape in the years following high school.

As educators and as parents, we support girls leading their own lives by helping them to develop their problem-solving and decision-making skills; to see beyond their short-term goals and consider a much longer viewpoint of their lives; and to believe that they are capable of leading their own lives. By allowing a girl to make her own decisions, work through diffi cult problems, and grow from experiencing setbacks, we foster her personal agency, independence, and autonomy. She develops the skills needed to manage her own life, cultivating a sense of self and the confi dence to take appropriate risks without fear of failure.

We are guides on a girl’s journey to adulthood. Jeannie Norris, author of Parenting Great Girls: Giving Our Daughters the Courage to Live Authentic and Confi dent Lives and expert on girls’ development, reminds us of our role through the lens of parenting: “It is our job as parents to have the longer view. We can ask questions to guide a girl’s thinking, cheer her on, and be understanding. But we must let her work through the diffi culty until she has fi gured out the solution. Only then will she have learned the skills that she can apply to the next problem and the next. Only then can she feel the kind of genuine happiness that comes from being self-suffi cient. I urge you not to deprive your daughter the opportunity to feel accomplished, strong, and mature.”

For our girls to lead their own lives, it is essential that we fulfi ll our role as adults—educators and parents—with confi dence and commitment. We have to provide the opportunities for a girl, your daughter, to learn and grow as she creates her own defi nition of success. Perhaps, she will draw upon her experience as a one-time-only BMX racer to serve young women as they learn to lead their own lives. I was encouraged to create a life of my own making and want to ensure that all girls have the same opportunity. At Saint Mary’s School, we make this possible. What a gift for our girls.

Offering words of support and asking the right questions are important when helping girls learn to navigate their own lives. The following are sample comments and questions, excerpted from Parenting Great Girls: Giving Our Daughters the Courage to Live Authentic and Confi dent Lives by Jennie Norris.

Sample Supportive Comments1. I can hear how upset you are.

2. Sounds like you’ve had a bad day.

3. I’m sorry that you’re feeling so low.

4. I can see why you’re feeling sad.

Sample Questions When There’s a Problem1) Can you tell me more about this?

2) What ideas are running through your mind?

3) What steps have you taken to make this situation better?

4) What support do you need to work through this?

5) Have you spoken to your teacher/advisor/coach/roommate?

6) Any ideas on what a fi rst step might be in solving this?

7) Have you written down how you’re feeling right now?

8) Does it make sense for you to think about a plan for solving this and then we can talk tomorrow at this time?

9) Who else have you told about this?

10) If you could redo this situation, what might you do differently?

Sample Questions When There is No Problem1) What’s happened since we last spoke?

2) What has been a positive surprise about this week/experience/new friendship?

3) You sound confi dent. Any insights into what you’ve learned about yourself recently?

4) Anything funny happen this week?

5) You sound confi dent. Was there some diffi culty that you worked through on your own this week?

6) I know how important honesty [or any other value] is to you. Any stories to tell about how you have “walked the talk” of honesty?

7) You sound confi dent. How did you reach out to take advantage of opportunities in a way that you might not have a couple of years ago?

8) If you were giving advice to a younger girl about how to be more confi dent, what would you say?

TIPS FOR PARENTS

3

The transformation of a girl’s pipe dream to a girl’s reality is at the heart of educating girls. Every day and in every way, Saint Mary’s faculty and staff provide opportunities and fulfi ll our mission to “prepare girls for college and life.” With 174 years of experience as an institution dedicated to the growth and development of girls, we can safely say, we know girls—we know what they need to become young women of intellect and integrity, empowered to navigate their own lives.

Recently, our Student Experience Taskforce crafted a series of belief statements we call our Guiding Principles. Informed by our mission to prepare girls for their futures, these principles are a lens through which Saint Mary’s measures every aspect of a student’s experience. These principles, currently 12 in number, help ensure that we are fulfi lling our mission and doing what is best for girls. This September, faculty and staff met to share examples of how the Guiding Principles inform their work with girls.

“I try to help each girl learn to value learning in a way that excites her, intrigues her, and leaves her hungry for more. It is a major breakthrough to move from seeing academics as being about others to seeing academics as being about oneself.”

“As an advisor, I have conversations with students about their future goals… I want my advisees to get to the place where they fear NOT taking risks, rather than fear failing if they take a risk.”

“[We strive] to make intellectual accomplishment….something that students will feel they have the capacity to undertake on their own by teaching skills and showing that what may appear to be diffi cult can be mastered.”

“The arts draw out a girl’s sense of individuality and encourage a deeper connection with her identity, and help each girl to become her ‘best self.’”

“[The girls] are reminded that they have to make mistakes before they will have success. They are humbled by all there is to learn, and exhilarated by their steady progress.”

“[In prefect training] girls lead one another as they share stories and experiences. They are given the tools they need to face problems on their own…”

“My work as chaplain creates opportunities that allow girls to consider themselves, our community, and the world from different perspectives. Hearing how other community members make sense of their own lives informs and enlightens the girls…[allowing them to] continually consider and evaluate who they are in the process of becoming and what it means to them to succeed at this critical juncture in their lives.”

“[By capitalizing] on our urban setting, we [utilize] all that Raleigh has to offer so that our girls partake in new experiences, live out their authentic selves, and prepare for life after Saint Mary’s.”

The power of these Guiding Principles and the many ways they inform a student’s experience at Saint Mary’s School are best summed up by Tara Elise ’15, when she shared, “I have grown to become a young woman who is strong, independent, and motivated…I know I am capable of impacting the greater community and taking the world by storm.”

From Pipe Dream to RealityBy Laura Novia, Director or Marketing and Communications

As an advisor, I have conversations with students about their future goals. One of my advisees shared that she would like to work with National Geographic as a photographer. Last year, she said this was “a pipe dream,” but this year she's looking for internships with professional fi eld photographers so she can take a step toward this goal.

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900 Hillsborough StreetRaleigh, North Carolina27603-1689

SCHOOLCOURAGE

HEADLINES

See online calendar for details | www.sms.edu

EVENTS

We believe when girls are empowered to see their value and worth, they create robust visions for their future and lives of their own making.

We believe girls learn best when they invest in their own intellectual growth and in lifelong learning.

We believe girls thrive in an environment where they are physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe.

We believe girls can and should build their own definition of success.

We believe girls need an environment where they are inspired to explore and to discover their authentic selves, and where their uniqueness is accepted and celebrated.

We believe in the worth and dignity of all.

Saint Mary’s Guiding PrinciplesWe believe girls are eager to engage with the world around them when they expand their boundaries, embrace failure, and recover from setback.

We believe girls learning to serve and shape their world begins with developing and practicing the skills required to manage their own lives.

We believe the development of self-reliance and resilience is an essential aspect of maturation and preparation for adulthood.

We believe in girls dedicating time and resources to cultivating an inner sense of self.

We believe girls value peer relationships and learn about themselves through healthy interaction with others.

We believe girls need wise, resilient, caring, intelligent, honest, and authentic adults who model boundary setting, healthy relationships, and appropriate risk taking as they guide girls on their journey to adulthood.

OCTOBER 31 Exploration Day

NOVEMBER 3 COMPASS Day

NOVEMBER 4 Granddaughters Club Inductions

NOVEMBER 6-7 “Pride and Prejudice” 7 p.m. Preview performance Nov. 5

NOVEMBER 11 Parents Night Out 7 p.m. Mia Francesca at North Hills

NOVEMBER 12 Fall Sports Assembly 11:20 a.m. Pittman Auditorium

NOVEMBER 14 Woodberry Forest/Episcopal High School Football Game

NOVEMBER 15 11th Grade College Kick-off 1-3 p.m. Pittman Auditorium

Junior Ring Banquet 5:30-8 p.m. Dining Hall, Chan-Poyner Hall

NOVEMBER 18 Fall Student Recital 4:30 p.m. Smedes-Emory Parlor

NOVEMBER 21-30 Thanksgiving Break