Happy, fulfilling long term relationships
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21-Oct-2014 -
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Transcript of Happy, fulfilling long term relationships
Things to do to improve your relationship
Don't take your relationship for granted:
● it can be taken away from you at any time,
● cherish your partner and the time you have together
and make the best of every day you have together,
● don't let yourself become complacent,
● realize that your partner being with you is a choice they
make every day,
● appreciate that they've chosen to share their time/life with
you.
Maintain yourself like you are single:
● don't let yourself get lazy about your appearance
or your objectives in life,
● people who get lazy tend to not feel good about
themselves, thereby causing problems in the relationship
(jealousy and insecurity),
● you need separate hobbies and interests,
● don't let your relationship become your whole entire world
- maintain your friendships as you normally would, you
never know what could happen,
● give your partner some free time,
● you want to continue to be the person your partner
fell in love with,
Every evening go for a walk in the neighborhood:
● hold hands,
● pay attention to each other,
● leave phones at home,
● appreciate what you observe,
● buy a dog,
● if it's raining find another activity or use an umbrella :)
Follow these rules:
1. You don't have to always be right.
2. If you do the small things that make her/him happy then you'll be happy.
3. Don't hold things in.
4. Put yourself in your SO's shoes and it becomes much easier to find compromise.
Note: These all require equal participation.
● take a communication class, read Fighting for Your
Marriage (or else), or make your own rules.
5. Be quick to forgive and truly forget.
6. Drama is not romantic.
7. Find someone who is easy to be with. Make yourself that
someone for them.
8. Being able to laugh together trumps how hot they are in
the sack over the long run. Looks fade, humor never will.
9. Don't look for the person who "completes" you.
Be complete yourself. Then find the person
who understands you and will give you room to grow.
Remember:
● your partner is supposed to be your
favorite person in the world.
Treat them like that when you speak, even when angry,
● be willing to give 100% and expect 0%, but trust the other
to do the same,
● true love isn't what you can do to keep your own temporal
emotion riding high - it's a daily commitment to make
the other person the best person they can be at the
sacrifice of yourself,
● after so many years together, you'll eventually do something stupid. If its not relationship breaking, let it go.
Its not worth holding onto that baggage,● don't lie, be honest,
if you feel like you have to lie in your relationship and you can't be open about things, then what is the point?
● don't put the other person in a situation that you wouldn't want to be put in - treat others how you would
want to be treated,
● learn to understand when words are useless. Sometimes he/she just want you not to try anything, not to talk
and ask for explanations,
● do what you did in the beginning of the relationship, and
there won't be an end,
● kiss and hug more often
● give yourselves compliments,
● surprise your partner - sneak a cute note into their
lunch, randomly flip them over and give them a massage
or go to the store and buy them their favourite treat,
● be opened about your sexual needs,
● ask your partner if she/he is happy, frequently
● don't compare your relationship to anyone else's -
especially your past ones,
● be physically affectionate - sex is one of the great
pleasures in life and it keeps you connected,
● get one night a week to get away from your kids (a date)
or your kids and each other,
● do not tally up who loves the most and just love
completely - every affection is different and we express
love differently,
● assume nothing - you aren't in a predetermined fairy
tale, nothing is set in stone. Don't assume your
relationship is going to form the way relationships
"usually" do,
● always try new things - say yes to do something when
you would normally say no,
● if the relationship changes then grow, learn, and change
with it,
● value your partner’s priorities - that doesn't mean you
always agree with them, but try to understand what they
value and try to work with it,
● enjoy yourself and let loose. Just be yourself. It's great
to be silly and completely open with someone,
● never try to force commitment before both of you are
committed without really trying to be,
● divorce is not an option - when both of you agree that
this is a life long thing you have to work together to to
make it an amazing experience,
● while it's important to be flexible about your
expectations of a relationship given the other person's
capabilities, it is also OK to have your own needs and
ask that person to reach those goals,
● don't compare your SO/spouse to somebody else's and
just because another person's SO/spouse did something,
don't assume that yours will,
● never make fun of them - teasing them is okay, but
never make fun of them,
● if you're not sure what your partner wants, ask.
● understand that you are two entirely different people
and you won't see eye to eye on everything
● for the women: Always compliment him whenever he
does anything to help you out,
● for both: Never, ever lie to one another about financial
matters. It is hard to do, but when fighting try not to bring
up stuff that happened five years ago,
● for men: Compliment her about how she looks and how
she makes everyone feel. Pinch her butt. Hold hands with
her. Set aside some time every day to listen to her. Tell her
over and over how lucky you are to have snagged her,
● have a sense of humor about each other,
● try to make their day a little easier when possible,
● never make fun of them - teasing them is okay, but
never make fun of them,
● they've heard "I love you" a thousand times,
try something else:
"You are special" - "You are the best" - "You amaze me"- "You
mean the world to me" etc,
● look for the best qualities in your partner and
celebrate those rather than hammering on the negatives,
● keep a positive attitude since positive vibes appear
contagious,
● give the love you wish to receive. If you want back
rubs, you have to give them out too,
● stop being selfish,
● celebrate accomplishments together and push each other
to become better people,
● recognize when a relationship is bad.
If it's going nowhere, if someone is abusive, if your life goals
don't match and one of you will always be unhappy, get
out.
● don't watch porn :)
● don't be afraid of talking about the limits of monogamy -
discuss the moments when one or both of you feel drawn
toward sex or intimacy with other people,
● your happiness is your responsibility, not theirs,
● pick a random day every month and treat that day like
valentines day,
● find someone who wants you to become the person you
want to be, and you should want them to be who they
dream to become,
● don't be afraid of anything,
● keep your toenails trimmed,
● make them breakfast or a snack,
● have a silly tradition,
● make time for each other,
● you will never change the other person but
changing yourself is easy,
● you must have similar long term goals, meaning that
you should want the same things out of life,
● you have to like each other :)
● try and stay out of money trouble,
● when words fail, a hug will do,
● if you are not a stable human being, it's never gonna
happen,
● take 5lovelanguages.com test. Have your partner take
it too,
● eat meals together with no interference,
● give full attention when communicating,
● remind yourself every so often how and why you fell in
love with them in the first place,
● find songs to send to each other to remind of your
love,
● do not swear in front of each other,
● be with the right person, and everything else will come
naturally,
● never criticize,
● never belittle feelings,
● the first thing to work out is whether or not you are
committed. A commitment means you stop looking for
someone better, or comparing your partner to others. You
also must be willing to work things out, and consider
leaving to be a last resort,
● deal with it or LEAVE.
● respect their strengths and support their weaknesses,
● always try to impress your SO like you would a first
date,
● don't get hung up on the past - whether it's your past
with this person or with other people, let it go,
Thank for little things:
● everyone likes feeling appreciated,
● show/speak gratitude! Saying you are grateful for
something, whether it was a simple task or if it was their
chore, say thank you!
● studies show that expressing gratitude increases happiness :)
● and if you are getting yourself something get your partner something as well.
Argue often, but don't fight:
● if something small is bugging you sleep on it,
and if you still think it's a big deal in the morning, bring it up
when you're feeling rested,
● don't wake up angry - roll over, give a hug, and proceed
calmly.
● pick your battles,
● don't ever threaten to dump your partner,
● if a fight breaks out give each other space - it is better to
be separated then to say something you don't mean,
● don’t fear to argue, from time to time it’s healthy for your
relationship,
● if you and your partner can argue through something,
without the argument becoming an actual fight,
you learn a lot about the person,
● it teaches the two of you how to rationally work through
any disputes or problems,
● don’t corner your partner when working through
something with: "You always..." "You never....." - use "I do
not like when you...." or "I would like you to consider..."
● remember that your spouse is your teammate,
not your opposition,
● never raise your voice at one another,
● take each other seriously - don't just write off their
concerns as "stupid”,
● stand up for yourself if it’s necessary - don’t be a victim,
● don't keep score, if you are keeping score in your
relationship you have already lost,
● when things get tough, always assume incompetence
rather than malice - if she/he did
something to upset you, you're allowed to be upset... but if
they didn't mean it
then believe them and try to move on,
● unkind thoughts you may have, leave them unsaid.
They cannot be unheard.
● be patient with one another,
● either put your partner on a pedestal or sugarcoat who you
are,
● don't bitch to others about your relationship
problems, especially in front of your partner,
● set boundaries - you want to make this person happy,
but you want to be happy too. Do not let the other person
step all over you, but do learn to compromise. And stick
to it!
● don't let your pride keep you from saying you're sorry,
or even seeing that you were in the wrong,
● communicate, and
● NEVER FORGET THAT YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS.
Advices from:
Redditors in happy, fulfilling long-term relationships: What are some things we can do to improve our relationships?
Reddit.com
Made by:
Melololon2014
Good luck! :)