Handling High Expectations & Regulating Through

StressJessica Cortez, LMSW

Child & Adolescent Therapist

ABOUT JESSICA CORTEZ

Licensed clinical social worker Private practice

Troy Farmington Hills Brighton

Specializes in children & teens Individual therapy

CBT- thinking errors DBT- emotion regulation

Family therapy Conflict resolution & communication

Addressing the Overwhelmed Tween What does stress look like What creates a stressed child Learning to have healthy expectations When is anxiety a problem vs a good trait Tips on how to control the stress Coping strategies for pre-teens Q & A

Symptoms of Stress

Psychosomatic complaints Stomachaches Headaches

Avoidance/Isolation Lack of sleep or appetite Depressed mood Constant fears of failures

Stress from the Outside World Behavioral

Family/self expectations Hyper-focused

Environmental Family stressors High stress events Social media

Emotion Regulation

Identify & manage feelings in a productive way Feelings ebb and flow Being dysregulated creates various negative behaviors

Panic Depression Anger

Emotion regulation is a skill that can be practiced! Paired with resilient mentality

Recent Surveys of College Students

“In 2013 the American College Health Association surveyed college students….over the past 12 months:

84.3% felt overwhelmed by all they had to do at college51.3% overwhelming anxiety”

Article: ‘Kids of Helicopter Parents are Sputtering Out’ by Julie Lythcott-Haims

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2015/07/helicopter_parenting_is_increasingly_correlated_with_college_age_depression.html

The importance of healthy expectations A high bar for most college-bound children

UofM= GPA 3.9MSU= GPA 3.7

Identify real expectations & goals How many mini goals are needed to reach them? What road blocks would you expect?

Ask your child about personal goals What are your expectations of them- Do they match?

If not, what advice or feedback can you give? Are their ways to achieve goals?

Good Anxiety VS. Too Much!

PRO Alert to

surroundings/themselves Aware of what needs to be

done Heightened sense of urgency

CON Irritability Forgetful of other

responsibilities Overwhelmed= shut-down

• The brain learns best when stress hormones are mildly elevated• Primitive flight vs fight response activates in many settings• ADHD students don’t have enough anxiety to activate or motivate

Key Strategies for De-Escalating Stress Stay Calm!

Take 5 before reacting Mad, frustrated, anxious

Scuba Breathing 5/10 breathing lower heart rate/ blood pressure

Handling your own stressors effectively Model your coping skills

Small praise Sporadic rewards and praise when things are accomplished

Parents Encouraging Hands-Free Allow them to problem solve for themselves

Support and give advice Sit down and actively listen

Islands of Competency Dr. Robert Brooks Strengths to focus on

Firm limits Taking breaks Bedtime/Screen time

Good, Balanced Routine Sleep

8 hours to avoid losing 1/3 of cognitive functioning Appetite

Protein and carbs Balanced meals & snacks

Leisure Stress-relief! Mandalas to meditate Exercise to release endorphins

Activities Extracurricular Clubs/Groups

When Anxiety Sets InTo de-escalate a panic-stricken teen

1. Validate feelings of anxiety2. Remind them of self-talk statements

“You’ve gotten through things before”3. Help them find their safe spot and breathe4. Give them space if you feel stressed or things escalate5. Remind them to brainstorm ways to problem solve 6. If asking for your help, prompt them to make the first step7. Support & step back!

Supports & Strategies

Individual therapyCoping skills, distress tolerance

Support at school504 Plans

Family therapyCommunication/problem solving from a distance

Mandalas/WorkbooksSelf-help options

MedicationSSRI

Q & A

Don’t forget to take a copy of the Book Recommendations

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THANK YOU!