Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the ...
Transcript of Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the ...
Handling Difficult Personalities and Behaviors in the
WorkplacePresented By:
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mail: P.O. Box 509 Eau Claire, WI 54702-0509 • telephone: 866-352-9539 • fax: 715-833-3953email: [email protected] • website: www.lorman.com • seminar id: 399266
Deena B. Pargman, Ph.D.DB Pargman Consulting LLC
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mail: P.O. Box 509 Eau Claire, WI 54702-0509 • telephone: 866-352-9539 • fax: 715-833-3953email: [email protected] • website: www.lorman.com • seminar id: 399266
Prepared By:Deena B. Pargman, Ph.D.
DB Pargman Consulting LLC
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Today’s Agenda:
• Defining Respectful Communication
• Understand the Conflict Formula
• Know Your Best Professional Self
• Acknowledge Your Colored Glasses
• Respect Different Personalities
• Recognize Ourselves at our Worse
• Take Five Steps to Better Communication
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
Defining Respectful Communication
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What Does Respectful Communication Look
Like• People feel as if they
have been
• seen
• heard, and
• valued
What Does Disrespectful Communication Look Like
• People feel unnoticed, devalued, insignificant
• People feel misunderstood
• People feel disconnected
• People feel powerless to change other person or that changing the other person requires too much effort
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+
Sometimes, they work in combination
+
Know Your
Best Professional Selftm
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
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•Be your
Best ProfessionalSelfTM
1. Self Monitor
2. Assess Situation
3. Assess People
To Be Your Best Professional Selftm:
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Self Monitor
• only 10% of your message is verbal
• be particularly attuned to your body language when you are:
• rushed
• preoccupied
• anxious
• disappointed
• angry
• Trouble Comes in the “Yellow Zone”
Assess Situation & People
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• giving bad news
• performance reviews
• working late
• travel
• trade shows
• parties and dinners
Situations
•People going through
• a loss
• relationship change
• health issue
• spouse lost job
• other personal stress
People
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Acknowledge
Your Colored Glasses
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
So . . . How do I See Things?
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. . . and we React differently
Respect
Different Personalities
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
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The Birkman Method®
*
Behavioral Dimensions
Usual BehaviorStress Behavior
The Birkman Method®
Motivational Dimensions
NeedsInterests
Usual Behavior Stress Behavior
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Hippocrates:
“You can put all the people in the world into one of four categories and generally describe how they will behave.”
The Birkman Method®
DirectCommunication
IndirectCommunication
PeopleFocused
TaskFocused
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The Birkman Method®
Direct
Indirect
PeopleTask
Work with rules Work with mind
Work with relationshipsWork with hands
Administrators
Doers Communicators
Thinkers
The Birkman Method®
Direct
Indirect
PeopleTask
Work with rules Work with mind
Work with relationshipsWork with hands
Administrators
Doers Communicators
Thinkers
Solve issues through actionWork with concrete problemsSee finished product, results
Hands on
Solve issues through policyWork with systems, processes
Analyzing numbers, dataTracking progress
Solve issues through peopleUse verbal persuasion
Helping othersDebate
Solve issues through plansWork with ideas, theory
Encourage new approachesVisual, written messages
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Recognize
Ourselves at our Worst
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
PeopleBy: Stephen R.
Covey
Crucial ConversationsTools for Talking When
Stakes are HighBy: Patterson, Grenny,
McMillan, Switzler
Getting to YesNegotiating
Agreement Without Giving In
By: Roger Fisher and William Ury
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Think of . . .
• Two people with whom you are having a challenge
• one Personal
• one Professional
When it matters most . . .we are at our worst
• disengage
• harden our positions
• fail to see other perspectives
• fail to see our role in the problem
• sugarcoat or soften
• don’t say what we meanI Don’t Want to Talk About It
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• What Does Fight Look Like For You?
• What Does Flight Look Like For You?
How do we face the challenge respectfully?
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Take
Five Steps to Better Communication
Respectful Communication & Conflict Resolution
Step 1: Create & Maintain Safety
Find the Right Time and
1.Mutual Respect
2.Shared Purpose
Create a Safe Zone:
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Mutual RespectEntitled to be treated in a civil manner
Entitled to honest information
Friendship, love or admiration not required
Resolve the Issue
Maintain, Build or Re-Envision the Relationship
Shared Purpose
Step 2: Describe the Core Issue
Easy to talk all around it,
but what’s the Core Issue?
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Step 3: Recognize you have “A Story”
How to Let it Go
1.Set The Story aside in your mind
2.Ask “Why would a rational and reasonable person behave this way?”
3.Acknowledge your role in the problem
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Step 4: Don’t Shut Down and Don’t Get Mean
Don’t Shut DownNod and agree disingenuouslySwitch topic to something safe but irrelevantEmotionally detach
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Don’t Get Mean
ExaggerationSarcasmHurtful Comparison
DataFeelings
Information that addresses the Core Issue
Step 5: Contribute to Problem Solving
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Share1.Start with the Facts
“In yesterday’s team meeting you interrupted me as I was about to report our numbers. Time ran out, the meeting adjourned, and I didn’t get a chance to complete my report.”
2.Then share the Feelings
“When you interrupt me in our meetings, I feel as if you don’t recognize the importance of the numbers side and don’t respect the work of my team.”
Offer positive supportThank them for listeningThank them for sharing
Step 6: Express Thanks
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Review
• Identify the right time and create a Safety Zone by establishing Mutual Respect and Shared Purpose
• Describe the Core Issue
• Let Go of your Story; be open to Theirs
• Avoid Shutting Down or Getting Mean, if it occurs step out of content and Apologize
• Problem Solve by sharing Facts and then Feelings
• Express Thanks.
Thank You.Deena B. Pargman, [email protected]
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