Hamilton Area of Narcotics Anonymous October 2018 Edition 16

Welcome to ConnectionsWelcome to the 15th Edition of Connections Newsletter; recovery writing for the Hamilton Area of Narcotics

Anonymous. We are so grateful to be a part of bringing this to you. We pray we are able to bring a message of hope. In Loving Service, The Connections Team.

Prayer God, so far today I haven’t acted on my

defects, and I haven’t done anything that I would owe an amends for. I’m about to step

out of this bed though, and once that happens, I’m going to need you to take the wheel here so I can continue this way through my day.

Please remind me I don’t run the show. Thank you.

A minute

I have just a single minute,Only sixty seconds in it,

Didn’t make it, didn’t choose it,But I’ll suffer if I loose it.

I have just a little minute,But--- ETERNITY is in it.

Lyn. (Taken from “The Voice of NA” newsletter Volume 1, February 1968)

Like any other meeting or area of NA service, you’ll get the most out of it by

participating!Write your stories! Share your

experience, strength & hope! The writing you see here in this newsletter is

written by NA members just like you! You don’t have to be a ‘great writer’. All you need is your personal experience in recovery, and a willingness to share it! Without it, we don’t have a message to carry. THIS is the NA way! Share as you would at any other meeting. Is there a

topic you’ve enjoyed hearing or sharing about? Are you on a particular step and having some eye-opening experiences? Has there been a recent turning point in

your personal recovery? Share it with your fellow NA members! Send us your

submissions!

On UnityWhat is unity? We talk about it a lot. At every meeting, our “common welfare” is mentioned, but do we really grasp the notion of what it means? I wasn't sure myself, so I looked up the word in the Oxford English Dictionary. The word unity has it's roots in the French language, with their word being unité. It was first used in the 1300's in reference to the holy trinity of the Christian tradition. We've come a long way since then.

The How and Why, in Tradition One, gets right to the point: “One way to look at placing our common welfare first is to say that each of us is equally responsible for NA's well-being.” (p. 125) It also says that “we strengthen our unity by participating in each other's recovery.” (p. 127) That is pretty clearly stated. Unity doesn't just happen, it takes personal effort, personal commitment and responsible action. It means that I return phone calls, that I have a service commitment that I fulfill to the end of the term. It means that I show up at my home group no matter what. I don't just do this for my other home group members, I do it for those people who are still out there, getting ready to go to their first meeting. I want them to arrive at a meeting where they can see love and kindness and care. Beyond that personal desire, I just do it because it needs doing.

I've been a member in a number of different Service Areas, and invariably, unity is always seen as a problem. But is it a problem that needs solving? I don't think so. We already know what is required. It's the responsible action and personal commitment. As an addict who substitutes workaholism for drug addiction, this is easy for me to say. The How and Why tells me that as much as we need to work together, we need to play and celebrate together. Admittedly, I'm not so great at this. A few weeks ago, I went to the 30th year celebration of our area's longest-standing meeting, and it was so amazing to sit down and break bread with people I don't see often, but with whom I share a common bond. There were long-timers and newcomers celebrating together, and it was magic happening in a church basement, just as it always has. I don't want to miss these moments. I want to participate in your recovery, and I hope you will participate in mine.

Love and hugs.Heather J.

Words From An OldtimerWe come to these rooms seeking refuge. "There are those that are morally incapable of being honest with themselves". Love them anyway. Hi! My name is Abdul and I am an addict. I remember coming into Narcotics Anonymous and seeing a whole slew of colorful creatures with amazing stories. I was no different. I shared about embarrassing stories and maybe twisted them to make them even funnier or more exciting than they really were. I guess because of my people pleasing ways, I was looking to be popular and to be loved by the band of misfits that were the merry men to my robin. Speaking of Robin these guys would give Ali Babba and the 40 thieves a run for their money. I appreciate the amazing relationships that I have cultivated over a period a time. If it was not for these people I would be stretching the truth a bit further rather than actually sticking to the facts. Take it from me. It is scary I know, when some of these are survival mechanisms come out; but you really have to take in to context who are you? What do you stand for? I mean recovery is not easy. The context of fear and trying to mold yourself into something is old behavior. "Stand for something or fall for anything". Leaders I believe are not born into it. They arrive from a need. They are forged. They see what needs to be done and they do it. If you are a liar a thief and a cheat I still love you but know that I know what you don't know, and that I pray for you to awaken to bravery for this contest has lost it's context and your life is waiting when you loose the desire to portray something you are not. If you are a psycho, a nerd, a lover, a recluse, a liar, a nerd, a vixen… um we love you!!!! Keep coming back and if you

don't know who you are and who you want to be well, get busy creating. Thank You.-Abdul F

Prioritizing My RecoveryLately I’ve found myself progressively working towards an overloaded schedule. I wonder, am I subconsciously worried about getting through the holidays? I mean, it would make sense being that my last relapse happened just before Christmas. Someone once said that recovery is about having appropriate responses to life’s everyday situations; coming up to the anniversary of a relapse is understandably stressful, and as such it would make sense to be having some sort of defensive reaction – like packing to much ‘stuff’ into my schedule. Don’t most addicts go through this overachiever thing?Don’t most addicts feel the need to constantly do more? Doesn’t our basic text even talk about the notion that addicts often struggle with feeling not good enough? Balance? Seriously? Like what the heck is that? I’m not sure I’ve ever understood that notion. Ok so now that I’ve identified the problem, exactly what the heck am I going to do about it? Well, simple really, all the stuff the basic text and the program of NA has taught me of course. Maybe I can’t figure out ‘balance’, but I do have a set of spiritual principles that teach me all about things like responsibility, self-sufficiency, charitable works, good will, asking for help, sharing and caring. I start off with a gratitude list, what has recovery given me that I am grateful for? My relationships, financial independence, health, love, miraculous recovery, the opportunity to connect with humans. What did recovery teach me about keeping all that good stuff? I can’t do anything without my recovery right? So, prioritize the necessities by matter of importance to me (not necessarily to you or the next guy). 1. Relationships (God, Self, Wife, Friends, Universe), 2. Financial Independence (not to be confused with greed, needs vs. wants here for me). 3. Health4. Joy/Miracles/Divine Inspiration/Connection (oh wait… all this stuff here, ties into the first spot too! Cool! Ok, but let’s leave it here for a minute.)How do I get to keep that stuff? Prioritize. (Like I said, I don’t really understand the concept of balance, but this priority thing works for me.)

1. Prayer2. Sleep3. Food (Healthy Eating, NO BULLSHIT WOMAN!)4. Connections5. Meetings6. Work

Well, I don’t really have options with work, so just set that one in motion and show up when I am scheduled to be there. Sleep isn’t optional; see, I’ve got a damaged addicts brain. What does that mean? It means if I short myself on sleep, I end up in this state of crazy; a left over side effect of far too many nights hanging on a pipe and not sleeping for days. Today, if I go a night or two without enough sleep, my brain kicks into that same place it did high. I end up wide awake for three four even five and six days solid with no sleep. Paranoia kicks in, and I make all kinda bad decisions, big ones, like spending too much money on yarn (don’t judge, this shit is fo real), skipping work, cheating on my wife, I even experience hallucinations from time to time, (no joke man, no dope involved). Ok, so 2/6 done. Schedule those suckers in. What’s next? Well, that’s a tossup between food and prayer for me. So, lets schedule the food, ‘cause it’s methodical and easy to do. Got it? Ok. Now prayer. My wife and I pray together, so that covers once a day (yep ere damn day). I pray with my friends when we are studying N.A. literature and whenever we feel we need it, I pray before I start step work, but for me, that’s not quite enough. I still need to put aside a little hang time with the ‘ole HP; a little one on one to share it all, everything that’s going good, pissing me off, freaking me out, and to ask for guidance in those bigger areas that I don’t quite have figured out. Ok, so when I look at my schedule, there are some times that really work well for that, pencil that shit it. Done. 4/6 down. Meetings and Connection. If I’m really honest, Connection always comes first. Wife time is a must. Honestly, I sacrifice that sometimes, I am slightly

prone to taking her for granted. No worries though, she recently found her voice (right about this time last year), and now tells me exactly how she thinks and feels and takes none of my shit. The wife has learned to just demand what it is she needs. (Addicts can drive even the saintliest saints to their breaking point eh? Hehehehe). My time with my friends, my recovery people is crucial to my recovery. Connection includes hang outs like walking at the Pier, or movie nights, book clubs (no friggen joke, yeah we used to shoot smack… now we be readin’ mo fo!), and don’t forget food and step work (we do a whole big lot of both of those). Sometimes, connection time is out of town meetings or even meeting up for coffee before in town meetings (two birds an’ all that). Connection with self happens in the way of meditation, step work, journaling, whatever I need to stay in tune with me. Now meetings. Two a week minimum. Homegroup whenever I can (work stops me from time to time), and at least one other. Sometimes more, but always two. Out of towners count! Are we good? You bet! See for me, I don’t know that I’ll ever not be just a little crazy. I don’t know that I’ll ever learn to ‘not schedule so much’, but I do know that I am really good at prioritizing and letting all the rest of that shit go. I take care of me first, everything else is cake baby! No worries. I know that with the NA program (which is literally how I learned all of this shit), my HP, and all my incredible supports (people, meetings, literature etc.) I can get through this holiday, and anything else that comes up. Shit, so can you! Together – that’s how we roll.-D

God, grant me mercy I don’t deserve

because no force on earth can save me

pull me back from the gates of hell

guide me towards the light

heal my broken soul

save me from myself

Travis S

Good will is best exemplified in service; proper service is “Doing the right thing for the right reason.” When Good will supports and motivates both the individual and the Fellowship, we are fully whole and wholly free.-Basic Text pg xv

As we become more God-reliant and gain more self-respect, we realize that we don’t need to feel superior or inferior to anyone. Our real value is in being ourselves. Our egos, once so large and dominant, now take the back seat because we are in harmony with a loving God. We find that we lead richer, happier and much fuller lives when we lose self-will.

Basic Text pg 105

A Poem To The Addict that Resides Inside.As I write this poem about you I feel a stream of dark intense emotions pulsing through me;

None of them feeling pleasant from a light I once knew but from pure pain and darkness, compounded by shameful and guilt ridden memories;

For 15 years you sneakily tricked me into believing you were my truest friend in times of need;

You fed my ego such a false sense of hope from excitement to escapism ...

The roots of my addiction were being planted...being planted was your Sick-seed

You are a liar; You are a cheat;

You are cunning and yet still full of charm, yet disastrous never-ending deceit'

You created within me an ego-centered miniature monster; a version of all I am NOT.

You portray sweet mystery with each sip n shot but all you truly crave is to take lives away and repeatedly get away with identity fraud'

It has taken me years to find the strength to stop the madness in my mind I let build up down deep inside;

You won't win

No longer will I play the fool

Addiction...I have news for you...

I rule my life

Not you...

The battle is ON. I am finally STRONG.

With the guidance of my higher power I have chosen to surrender and end this life threatening life cycle of abuse;

All you seem to do is chew me up and spit me out;

For you I have zero tolerance left;

For you I have lost total use for you.

As I walk along my path I now choose to wear my shoes;

I now take care of my soles that were once beaten' broken and bruised.

The dark tunnel of my addiction does still linger inside of me;

It may cause great challenges' much sorrow at times sadness and strife;

It is however my choice to choose to take a new approach toward my path in recovery with an attitude of gratitude to be thankful for the opportunity to rebuild myself anew joy filled life.

If it doesn't challenge you.

It doesn't change you.

Self Pity And AppraiseAre you kidding me?Are you freaking kidding me?You’ve got to be kidding me!Yet another rock bottom, even worse than the last bottom and the ones before it. Why does the crap storm always seem to hail on yours truly?Why me? Why? Do I deserve this?I’m a hopeless drug addict. I pay room and board at a homeless shelter, leaving me with $69/month from social assistance. Hence, why I’m unemployed. I’m distanced from my family, those that love me most.I moved here for a reason.If only I hadn’t flunked out of that recovery home. It’s their fault. They really jumped the gun on that one!I blame society. I blame my parents. I blame my teachers and students in school. Or do I?I can’t possibly be responsible for the creation of my situation. Can I?Let me have a look here.I choose to do drugs. I choose to spend my rent money on dope instead of putting a roof over my head a few months back. I’m employable but too damn lazy to hand out resumes. I guess I could pick up a phone more often and call my folks. Who knows? Maybe even go for a visit. I’ve lied and abused two wonderful women away and left them single mothers. I think I’m starting to see a trend.Perhaps my current state of being is a direct result of the poor choices I can make.Life definitely has its twists and turns and can throw stones from time to time. I believe I am starting to see things clearly now. I think I know in my heart and head what changes and choices will turn things around. Now it’s time to make them.No more blaming, stop playing the victim, be proactive. Volunteer more of my time and start going to meetings again. Open mic… I haven’t been in over a month. I need to find more time to socialize. Write more and start exercising. I’ve enough fat to convert to muscle. What I’m thinking is that I can try harder. I’m not beating myself up, I’m just not going to lie to myself anymore. This town has enough to offer so there’s no need to run. I just need to buckle down. I am the only one who can make the choices. I’m going to start making the right ones.So, this is it! A curving point and the beginning of a lifestyle change. Not all at once, but baby steps. I’m going to be sure I don’t get down and out when something goes wrong. I want to get back to being me. I want to enjoy life again. I want to BE!Who am I kidding, it ca take a village. But I sure as heck want to be part of it.

-Jesse M

Is your sponsor suggesting service?---GREAT! Here are committees that need support!

Activities NO CLEAN TIME REQUIREMENT! The activities committee is responsible for setting up Narcotics Anonymous events in our area, such as dances and campouts. What a great way to encourage unity in the Hamilton area! They meet the 1st Wednesday of each month at 705 Main street East (Back to Basics group location) at 6:00pm

Newsletter NO CLEAN TIME REQUIREMENT! WE NEED YOUR HELP! Do you have an article, poem or some art work you would like to share? Or maybe you would like to tell how you have applied spiritual principles in your life? Would you like to get involved in service, and connect with other recovering addicts from around the world? Join us or send your submissions to connectionsna@gmail.com

Hospitals & Institutions/Public Relations- 6months+ Clean Time Requirement We are always looking for people that want to help share their experience, strength and hope in the Jails and in the Detox. It’s 6 months clean time requirement for the detox and 2 years clean and clear of the system for the jails.

PHONE LINE The phone line really needs help! You can directly help the still suffering addict. 6 months clean time required. A very satisfying way to get involved with the area. We only keep what we have by giving it away. Why not help with the phone line?

ARTICLES AND SUBMISSIONS IN THIS NEWSLETTER MAY CONTAIN PERSONAL INTERPRETATION AND ARE NOT THE OPINION OR ENDORSEMENT OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS OR THE CONNECTIONS NEWSLETTER.To subscribe or submit an article, event, or creative piece, please e-mail: connectionsna@gmail.com .