Hacking the Human InterfaceSamantha Quiñones

Laracon US August, 2015

Samantha Quiñones

(human)

@ieatkillerbees

I am not an expert.

Specifically, I am not...

> a psychologist

> a therapist

> a philosopher

> a sociologist

> an anthropologist

I am human.

I want to help.

Fair Warning: I will talk about some

uncomfortable stuff. I’m sorry.

I was an insufferable ass.

“Dog Walker” © by Anthony Arrigo licensed under (CC BY 2.0)

© 2007 Leetcan, CC BY 2.0

Hacking The Human Interface

Key Topics

> Leadership

> Empathy

> Listening

> Conflict

> Identity

People Are Individually Complex

> Biases

> Identities

> Experiences

> Philosophies

Human Interaction

> Complex web of relationships, defined by our makeup

> Constant negotiation of hierarchy and ideas

> Shifting power structures based on authority

Sources of Authority

> Bureaucratic authority (managers, political leaders)

> Traditional (cultural) authority

> Charismatic authority

An individual’s authority within a community lies at the

intersection of these attributes.

Leadership

> Good leaders have earned charismatic authority.

> Requires a willingness to take others where they need to be.

> Leaders are not always people with traditional or bureaucratic authority.

–Ken Kesey

“You don’t lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and

making a case.”

Leadership is a means to authority, not an end of

authority.

> Leaders think before they act.

> Leaders take responsibility for their actions.

> Leaders work tirelessly for the success of others.

> Leaders work tirelessly to understand others.

Empathy: The Key to Understanding

Four Attributes of Empathy (According to Theresa Wiseman)

> The ability to take another person’s perspective.

> The ability to understand another person’s feelings.

> The ability to communicate that understanding.

> The ability to do the above without passing judgment.

–Brené Brown

“Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.”

Sympathy is . . .

> a choice to dismiss another person’s pain

> solving rather than listening

Empathy is . . .

> a skill, which can be learned and improved

> a choice to share another person’s pain

Empathy is the choice to be vulnerable for each other.

To be vulnerable is to replace fear with trust.

That even if you are . . .

> judged

> rejected

> ridiculed

> ignored

You will survive.

You will learn who really matters.

We hide many of our worst problems.

We are taught . . .

> to fear sharing our hardships

> that emotions are inappropriate

> that real men don’t cry

> that women who cry won’t be taken seriously

1 in 5 American adults are suffering with a mental illness.

NIMH

At least 1 in 6 American women &

At least 1 in 33 American men have been the victim of sexual assault

Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network

2-5% of American students have a learning disability.

WETA

Up to 65% of inmates meet the DSM criteria for

substance abuse & addiction.

CASA

Empathy is Vital

> It’s hard to hate someone whose story you know.

> Expressing vulnerability builds trust.

> Personal connections overcome grouping & labels

Empathy Emphasizes the Why

> Sarah blew up at Abby. Why?

> Frank work quality is plummeting. Why?

> Samantha is chronically late. Why?

© Disney*ABC Domestic Television. All rights reserved.

Our Brains Love Patterns

> We hear voices in static

> We see faces in cement

Instead of Listening. . .

> We speculate about our partner’s agenda

> We try to remember that amazing article that refutes our partner’s argument

> We think about about our own problems

> We think about that time (times?) that our partner was a jerk

Slow Down Ignore That Voice Inside You

(it’s an a**hole)

© Ben Gray, CC-BY-SA 2.0

Ask Questions (it’s OK)

Questions

> Is my understanding correct?

> Would you like my advice?

Proceed When. . .

> You understand the topic your partner is trying to address.

> You understand your partner’s key points.

> You understand what your partner expects from the interaction.

Don’t Split Your Attention

> I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now. Can I call you at 2?

> I can talk, but let me quickly finish this one thing.

Listening

> It’s OK to suck.

> Never be afraid of asking questions.

> Reschedule when you don’t have time (but always honor your commitments)

© Chiltepinster licensed under (CC BY-SA 3.0)

Expressing Anger

> Passive Aggression

> Aggressive Aggression

> Manipulation

© Paul Downey, CC BY 2.0

Photo by Josh Plueger USAF, public domain

Photo © Carsten ten Brink, licensed under (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Productive Arguments

> Have a topic and a goal

> Allow all interested parties equal time to make a case

> Have a neutral referee

Stick to your main points. Explain your reasoning.

Be attentive. Listen to comprehend.

Don’t let it be personal. You are not your ideas.

Focus on the end, not the means.

It’s not about winning or losing.

I don’t mean to be prescriptive. What’s important? Building Trust.

Boricua

Ashkenazi Jew

Woman Feminist

Queer

Latina

Me

#nomakeup

Identity

> Complex

> Composite

> Personal

> Fluid

> Performative

Diversity is about identity.

Shared Identity is Comfortable

> Same gender

> Same philosophy

> Same culture

> Same language

Diversity is uncomfortable

> People of other (sometimes non-binary) genders.

> Differing culture.

> Differing language.

> Differing philosophy.

Diversity is powerful.

Diversity of Education

> Teams with mixed educational backgrounds have a broader base of knowledge to rely on.

> Self-taught individuals often have unique perspectives.

Diversity of Work History

> Former security engineers understand vulnerabilities.

> Former financial services workers understand audits/PCI/FISMA

> Former medical IT workers understand privacy/HIPPA

Diversity of Language & Culture

> Native fluency in more customers’ native language means better communication.

> Forces better internationalization and string handling.

Diversity of Gender & Sexual Identity

> Different perspectives & acculturation.

> Welcoming environment that attracts more talent.

> Broader understanding of the needs of customers.

It all comes back to empathy.

Empathy is the key to the puzzle of human behavior.

Empathy lets us . . .

> Understand that our political “enemies” are often operating in good faith.

> Recognize when people are in crisis.

> See that much of the anger and violence in the world from from a painful place.

Empathy binds us to one another.

Empathy is a choice to . . .

> Accept, not judge

> Share a burden, not comment on it

> Assume the best, not the worst

> See a person, not a problem

Empathy is the choice to help.

We can all do more to help each other.

Important Resources

> Open Sourcing Mental Illness - http://funkatron.com/osmi.html

> Prompt - http://mhprompt.org/

> Mental Health First Aid - http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/

> Brené Brown on Empathy - http://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

> Contact Me - http://www.samanthaquinones.com OR @ieatkillerbees