Guía Turística de Lancre

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A TOURIST GUIDE TO LANCRE Not only an artistic and breathtaking view of Lancre but also an interesting and informative guide to one of the Discworld's more, er, picturesque kingdoms. Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat Garlick live there. Lancre could hardly be somewhere ordinary, could it? Magic glues the Discworld together and a lot of it ends up in Lancre, principal Kingdom of the Ramtop Mountains. Between Uberwald and Whale Bay, the Octarine Grass Country and the Widdershins Ocean lies the most exciting and dangerous terrain in all Discworld. The Ramtops supply Discworld with most of its witches and wizards. The leaves on the trees in the Ramtops move even when there is no breeze. Rocks go for a stroll in the evening. Even the land, at times, seems alive. The mapp may only be two-dimensional, but watch it very carefully and you might see it jostle about a bit. TERRY PRATCHETT is Britain's most successful author of comic fantasy, probably the hardest- working writer in the business and a generally all-round good chap. STEPHEN BRIGGS is none of these, but knows even more about Discworld than Mr Pratchett which is, when you think about it, very odd. C O V E R I L L U S T R A T I O N BY PAUL KIDBY A TOURIST GUIDE TO ISBN 0-552-14608-0 9 780552'146081 > A D I S C W O R L D ® M A P P Including a Pyctorial Guide to the Lancre Fells and a description of a picturefque and charming walk in thys charming and hospitable country Devised by TERRY PRATCHETT 6 STEPHEN BRIGGS View of Lancre by PAUL KIDBY A TOURIST GUIDE TO LANCRE TERRY PRATCHETT & STEPHEN BRIGGS

description

Guía de Lancre, país del Mundodisco, ubicado en las Montañas del Carnero, escrita por Terry Pratchett con colaboración de Stephen Briggs e ilustraciones de Paul Kidby

Transcript of Guía Turística de Lancre

Page 1: Guía Turística de Lancre

A TOURIST GUIDE TO

LANCRENot only an artistic

and breathtaking view of Lancre but also an interesting and informativeguide to one of the Discworld's more, er, picturesque kingdoms.

Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Magrat Garlick live there. Lancrecould hardly be somewhere ordinary, could it?

Magic glues the Discworld together and a lot of it ends up in Lancre,principal Kingdom of the Ramtop Mountains. Between Uberwald and

Whale Bay, the Octarine Grass Country and the Widdershins Ocean liesthe most exciting and dangerous terrain in all Discworld. The Ramtops

supply Discworld with most of its witches and wizards. The leaves on thetrees in the Ramtops move even when there is no breeze. Rocks go for a

stroll in the evening. Even the land, at times, seems alive.The mapp may only be two-dimensional, but watch it very carefully and

you might see it jostle about a bit.

TERRY PRATCHETTis Britain's most successful author of comic fantasy, probably the hardest-

working writer in the business and a generally all-round good chap.

STEPHEN BRIGGSis none of these, but knows even more about Discworld thanMr Pratchett which is, when you think about it, very odd.

C O V E R I L L U S T R A T I O N B Y P A U L K I D B Y

A T O U R I S T G U I D E TO

I S B N 0-552-14608-0

9 780552 '146081 >

A D I S C W O R L D ® M A P P

Including a Pyctorial Guide to the Lancre Fells anda description of a picturefque and charming walk in thys

charming and hospitable country

Devised by

TERRY PRATCHETT

6 STEPHEN BRIGGS

View of Lancre by PAUL KIDBY

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A T O U R I S T G U I D E TO

Including a Pyctorial Guide

to the Lancre Fells and

a description of a picturefque

and charming walk in thys

charming and hospitable country

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A TOURIST G U I D E TO

Devised by

TERRY PRATCHETT

& STEPHEN BRIGGSView of Lancre by PAUL KIDBY

C O R G I BOOKS

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Introduction by The Editors

This is the third Discworld Map, and there can be nofiner subject than Lancre (pronounced Lanker), thejewel of the Ramtops and centre of its flourishingwitchcraft industry, as chronicled in Equal Rites,Wyrd Sisters, Lords and Ladies and Witches Abroad,

A lot of water has flowed under the Brass Bridgesince we first mapped the great city of Ankh-Morpork. Well, some of it has been water. Even morehas flowed over the Rimfall since we mapped theDiscworld itself. And now, before the metaphor canbe extended to the Lancre River - here is a map ofLancre. Actually, more of a witch's eye view,

We are indebted to Paul Kidby for his mostrealistic depiction of the kingdom, since a meretedious network of contour lines simply would not dojustice to the subject, and to the champion walker EricWheelbrace, whose indefatigable marches 'cross moorand fen were of considerable use in the making of themap.

And it is with great sadness we have to report thatEric is now missing and presumed dead.

He will be remembered by the many that boughthis books on walking as the supreme champion of theright to roam at will, despite all the obstacles - wires,fences, hedges, ravines, mountain ranges - whichselfish landowners placed across those rights of way

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which existed so clearly in Eric's head. He letnothing stand in his way. He reckoned a walk acomplete waste of effort unless he could push over afew fences, march right through someone's parlourand write three letters of complaint afterwards. Old-time walkers will remember how an entire battle inSkund had to he halted so that Eric could walk acrossthe bat t lef ie ld , and his wire-cutters were undoubtedlyforged from t h a t steel from which magic swords aremade. The land belonged to the people, he alwayssaid.

We understand that Eric, dismissing localobjections as mere superstition, insisted there was aright of way across the ancient stone circle known asthe Dancers, in Lancre, and to show that a determinedrambler wi l l laugh with scorn at threats he set offacross i t last Midsummer's Eve.

His boots were found, frozen solid, in a hedge amile away.

It is possible that Eric found out at last to whichpeople the land belongs.

TERRY PRATCHETT AND STEPHEN BRIGGSMay, 1998

Lancre: Gateway to the Ramtopsby Eric Wheelbrace(author of One Hundred Walks In The Ramtops,Rambling In Llamedos, and Seventy Years Behind the Wire-cutters:an autobiography)

The kingdom of Lancre occupies little more than aledge cut into the side of the Ramtop Mountains, butis rich in history and geography. Behind its littlevalleys, towering peaks and dark, winding canyonsclimb to the massive backbone of the central ranges.In front, the land drops to the Sto Plains, as dounwary walkers.

On the Hubward side of the country are glacierlakes and alpine meadows. This end of the kingdom isdominated by Copperhead — by no means the biggestmountain in the Ramtops, but an impressive giantwhose slopes and foothills are home to many dwarfsand trolls and which makes a challenging ascent foreven the most skilled of climbers.

The country has a population of around 500,including humans, dwarfs and trolls, and technically ithas a border some 100 miles in length. The actualacreage of the kingdom is hard to calculate, however,because of its mountainous nature and, in any case, itbacks on to the Ramtops themselves and areas that areclaimed by no man, troll or dwarf.

The kingdom has a number of human habitationsof which its capital, Lancre Town, is the largest.There are many small hamlets dotted around

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wherever there is enough flat ground to put up acouple of houses. There is a right of way throughmost of them, although people seem regretably angrywhen this is calmly pointed out.

One of these small hamlets, Slice, is in a deepf o r e s t e d cleft in the mountains and contains both theoriginal Hock and a Hard Place (where there is aright of way) and the Place Where the Sun Does NotShine, wh ich will be shown to visitors for a small fee(postcards available). Other features of note in theKingdom include the Dancers, a circle of standingstones on a small area of moorland not far from thetown, and the Long Man, an assemblage of one longand two r o u n d barrows, now overgrown. Both ofthese features supposedly contain secret entrances tothe world of the elves and, in the case of the LongMan. also to Lancre Caves. If they do, these almostcertainly c o n s t i t u t e a right of way.

The caves are rumoured to run everywhere in thekingdom; it is widely believed that there is a secretentrance in the castle. But - as any Lancrastian isdelighted to tell the unwary traveller - they are alsoone of those features that are not bound by the lawsof time and space. Travel far enough in the caves, theysay, and you w i l l find mythical kings, asleep withtheir warriors; you will hear the roar of the Minotaurand the sheep of the Cyclops. Walk far enough andyou w i l l meet yourself , coming the other way. Thissort of nonsense cuts no ice with a down-to-earth,experienced traveller like me, I can tell you.

Politically, Lancre is a constitutional monarchy.

The current monarchs are King Verence II and QueenMagrat. They have devoted themselves to the well-being of their subjects, instituting a number of social,agricultural and educational improvements. With thatingratitude so typical of rural people, these are beingdeterminedly resisted.

The Royal Family live in Lancre Castle, whichdominates the town. It is built on an outcrop of rock,leaning vertiginously over the river Lancre andimmediately overlooking the town square. There is aright of way through the dungeons.

A feature of the Castle is the Long Gallery, wherethere are portraits of many of Lancre's past Kings andQueens. Many of these are of dubious artistic value,but some were commissioned from first-class artiststravelling through the kingdom and do thereforewarrant closer inspection.

Best of all is a splendidly impressive portrait ofQueen Ynci the Short-Tempered. I instigated someextensive research on this colourful monarch and wasdelighted to be told that, not only was I distantlyrelated to her but also that, for a modest fee, I wasentitled to use her personal standard on the doors ofmy carnage and on my stationery. This is the sort ofdelightful serendipity that can occur when you takethe time to talk to the servant classes as if they wereyour equals.

ERIC WHEELBRACE

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LANCRE

A G U I D E T O L O C A L S E R V I C E SAs a service to my valued readers, I have beenpleased to include details of local service-providersin Lancre. Or at least, details of those who werek i n d enough to offer a quid pro quo:

General StoresMr & Mrs QuarneyGenera l Provisions, Tack, Hardware,Ironmongery, Strong Liquor

Ladies' & Men's OutfittersObidiah CarpenterTailor & CutterGarments made in any style for any species. Thereis a right of way through the changing room.

BakeryBestiality CarterBread. Cakes, PastriesE v e r y d a y and for that Special Occasion

HairdressingMrs DeaconLadies & Gents'Styling. Shaving, Cutting. Plain home surgeryWeekend Materials

An additional Vue of Lankreby me, G. OggThis is an introduction to Lankre done prop'ly by me, Gytha Ogg.

Lancre is bijou-ly situated athwart I think the word isthe Ramtops with extensive views of the Sto Plainesto the rimward and buger all quite frankly towardsthe hub because of all the mountains. In fact Lanckreris mainly mountains and the valleys only looks likevallies on account of being smaller mountains thanthe larger mountains if you see what I mean.

This spot has bin on this site for a long time. Awizard who went round tappin rocks with an hammersaid the whole place was onse under the sea, and thenit was a mountain and it got scopped out back in theIce Age when a glazier cut it out of the Ramtops, butI spose they have to find these people jobs else theydbe begging in the streets. When you think about iteverywhere has been everywhere for ages or as near asmakes no difference only the contents have shiftedjust like yrs. truly.

Stuff grows well, mainly trees and other stuff thatlikes hot sumer and brasss monkey winters. We'vegot some farmers and lumberjacks and some millsnow but what people mostly do is make ends meetthe best they can.

Population: only a few hundred people though thisnot for want of tryin. A lot of the young peoplepushes off to Ankh-Morpork and and sends moneyhome for their family. Sometimes the king puts a

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guard on the border for the look of the thing, becausehe says you've got to have border guards, but hegnerally lets everyone know when he's doin it so's wecan make other arrangments. There's a fair amount ofmidnight business across the mountains, what with usbeing as I said athwart, although I don't knowanything about this in any way whatsoever.

The whole of the Ramtops in these parts is famousfor producin wizards an witches, it must be somethingin the water.

People down on the plains gets funny ideas aboutthe hole wi t ch business, viz all that stuff about therebeing 13 witches in a coven and dancin around withouty o u r drawers on. I ain't against dancin around withoutyour drawers on in genral princeible but it can getpretty nippie up on the hills even in Summer and thewind blows both high and low I don't think I need tospell it out. And besides, witches gen'rally aren'tdancers. Witches are them that watches the dance.

And anyone who has even knone witches willknow that the chanses of getting 13 of em to agree ona date and a place is somewhat less than me beinQuene of the May. So basicly witches goes it aloneor s o m e t i m e s they goes it alone in company, but wedo meet up at times to sort out stuff to preventquarreling — some chance!!! - over where people'sboundaries are and so forth, althouh usely most ofthe evenin is spent arguing about what the date is.

N e v e t h e l e s s most of the witches in these parts isgood souls deep down and most of the stuff they dois stuff like helpin people into the world and out of it

later on and over obstacles in between. Queen Magrat,Magrat Garlick as was, says witchcraft is basic'ly afertility clut, but I don't see how this is 'cos there'splenty of fertility in these parts, honest, on summernights you have to cough loud before walkin througheven quite a small wood, and speakin as a marriedwoman there are times when fertility is too much ofa good thing I don't have to draw you a pichure I'msure, I've got 15 still livin including two lots of twinsbut it's different for Oggs, some wizard said we'renaturally fecund and no one locked him up so I sposeit's a word you can say. Anyway, I've never bin one toobject to people sewing wild oats but a bit offorthough ensures a crop failure, and when it comesto the ups and downs of married life that's whereknowin a witch is handy too. They do say a littleknowledge is dangerous but it is better than a lot ofignorance and that's where you need someone in apointy hat. Basicly a witch is there to know all thethings people are too busy to know, or haveforgotten. Of course there's the magic too but that isnot all it is cracked up to be.

Esme Weatherwax who is definitly a big witch inthese parts says it's in the blud, and I don't know aboutthat. I ain't arguing, becaus us Oggs have bin witcheson an off ever since people drawed on cave walls. Butthere's a lot of others that've got the talent.

You can see people every day who would've binwitches if only they'd known.

G. OGG

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A extract from

A Pictorial Guide to

The Lancre Fells beingan illustrated account of a study

and exploration of themountains and walkways of the

Lancrastian Ramtops

BY ERIC WHEELBRACE

Advice for Walkers

As always, a walker should go prepared for everyeventuality. Modern city living makes us unpreparedfor the rigours of the outdoor life. The safe anduneventful life lived by the average resident of thecosy streets of, say, the Shades of Ankh-Morporkmakes it doubly hard for him or her to imagine thepotential nastiness of the serene, invitingmountaintops, with their trolls, dwarfs, dragons andpeople who fail to maintain stiles in proper condition.

Lancre has many seasons and once you are well intothe mountains you can often run through them all inthe space of two hours. Preparation is essential. Thereis, of course, the all-volunteer Lancre Fell and DreadMountain Rescue Team which traditionally turns outin all weathers to rescue the unlucky, but theoperative term here is 'unlucky', not 'possessed of abrain the size of a walnut'. The Lancre climate breedsa no-nonsense, pragmatic folk, and if they havebattled through snow for several hours to rescuesomeone who, it turns out, thought that it would befun to go for a walk in carpet slippers with a length ofclothesline for those difficult bits, they may welldrag him further up the mountain and leave himthere. Stupidity kills, they point out, so it's a goodidea that first it kills the stupid.

But almost all tragedies and disasters can beavoided by following these simple guidelines:

As well as a sturdy pair of walking boots with

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stout socks, thorn-proof woollen underwear,trousers, thick-knit sweater (forged by dwarfcraf tsmen) and jaunty bobble hat in some suitablyunnatura l colour, a walker should also carry a stoutwooden Staff and a knapsack containing at leastthe following:

A rain-proof, hooded overgarment (OracOracsson's outfitters in Ohulan Cutash supply thebest waterproof clothing. Most seasoned walkerswould not be seen without their Orac).

A compass (Mr Cmot Dibbler sellsan excellent compass crafted inprecious metal which can be used topay for goods or services if you doget lost. Just ask for one of hissilver compasses. As means offinding your hearings, however,they are tolal ly useless).

A bottle of spring water (thoughanyone from Ankh-Morpork could probably drinkany f lu id they found en route without risking internaltroubles).

A slab of Lancre Mint Cake. This has beendescribed as 'm in t - f l avou red dwarf bread'. Availablefrom Quarney's Stores in Lancre Town. Whileinedible by any normal usage of the term, it can beused to bludgeon trolls to death.

A copy of Dibbler's First Aid for Novicesand one of Mr Dibbler's excellent First Aid Kits(containing a pair of blunt scissors, two feet of gauze,a tube of smeary s t u f f and a safety pin).

A whistle, for annoying people.Wire-cutters, a small saw and a notebook,

the first two for removing illegal obstaclesacross the track, and the last for takingdetails in order to make a formalcomplaint later.

An experienced walker will alsocarry their map in a waterproofpouch on a tape around their neck.This has the dual function ofmaking them look like a lost child but also,should they slip over a ledge, can be relied upon tosnag on an outcrop and throttle them to death, thuspreventing a painful landing on the rocks below.

Planning The Route

Don't forget to tell someone where you are going orleave a note pinned to your horse. Oh, and don't forgetto tell whoever it was you told in the first sentencewhen you've got back. That can save you from someembarrassment when you do eventually arrive homeand find them and their friends auctioning offyour valuables.

Make sure that your proposed walk is well withinthe limitations of the least agile member of yourgroup. Not everyone has your skill and grace. Checkwith locals when sunset is and make sure you're backby then (you should remember that in some of thedeeper valleys in Lancre sunset can technically be

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around noon). In Uberwald, of course, walking afterdark can often involve encounters with vampires andwerewolves, which should be treated as illegalobstacles on the path. Having your wire-cuttersblessed by a local holy man is a useful precautionhere. Remember, the land is there for the enjoymentof everybody.

The First WalkAscent From Lancre Town To the Dancers via the Long Man

This is a walk for those who like to see grand rockscenery at close quarters but who also like to enjoythe flora and fauna of a district along the way and toexplore archeological sites of special interest. Bobble-hat folk, in fact.

En RouteWatch out for some of the indigenous species: theLappet-Faced Worrier (a type of hawk that may beused for hun t ing by royal females), the LancreSuicide Thrush, The Lancre Reciprocating Fox andthe Lancre Crowhawk. In farming areas you may alsosee good examples of the Lancre Saddleback, one ofthe f ines t pig breeds on the Disc.

I a lways s tar t this walk with a pint of ale from theGoat and Bush in Lancre Town. The moreadven tu rous may care to try a thimble of scumble,w h i c h should contain at least one of the area's best-

known varieties of scumble apple - the LancreBlackheart, the Golden Disagreeable, or the GreenBillet. The locals may counsel you against this, butthey are simple folk.

Follow the main road out of Lancre Town, withthe castle behind you. If you have partaken unwiselyat the Goat and Bush, you may see several roads, andmy advice in this case is to take the one in themiddle. If the castle is far above you, it would appearthat you have mistakenly stepped into Lancre Gorge,and I can only suggest that you take this usefulopportunity to study the rather curious rock strata onthe way down.

Another local feature to watch out for if you havepartaken of scumble is large, slavering many-headedcreatures blocking your path. Strike them smartlywith your stick. It is probably just the scumble atwork and, if not, creatures like this should in any casebe discouraged and were probably put there tofrighten the faint-hearted walker.

Notice that, once we strike woodland, you can seemarkers on every tenth tree along the roads. This is aquaint local custom, to help Lancrastians to find theirway at times of deep snow or after the inn has shut,when the paths cannot be seen. We don't want to stickto the main routes, however, so at the firstopportunity, turn right onto a wooded path where awooden barrier indicates that the route is not to beused by wheeled transport. Knock it down. It isillegal to place barriers in the way of thehonest rambler.

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If you walk softly, you may be lucky, even thisclose to the town, to see a Lancre Reciprocating Fox.Little is known of this creature except that it appearsto act like a warrior about to go into battle. In myexperience as an officer of the Duke of Eorle's MostHonorable Caterers, this probably means that itdrinks a lot and makes love as often as possible. Thefox has a reddish-brown coat, with golden markingsaround its snout. It is about the size of a largedomestic cat and is recognisable in particular by itscry, which sounds like a lone walker falling off acliff. For this reason it is not popular with walkers,many of whom have died of exposure on the Lancrefells because their cries have been mistaken by theresidents. At least, this is what the locals say.

This part of the walk is pleasant and undemandingand lakes us, by a picturesque and charming route, tosome fields leading down to the banks of the Lancreriver. The river is here approaching the Lancre Force(waterfal l ) and is shallow and fast-moving. There arestepping stones, but these must be used with cautionbecause (a) they are wet and slippery, (b) they can bepartly or f u l l y submerged when the river is engorgedand (c) they can turn out to be small trolls who canturn very sa rcas t i c indeed at being trodden on by theu n w a r y traveller.

We cross the river here. The more timid travellermay w a l k the quarter mile or so upstream to a stonebridge, retracing their steps to rejoin us at thestepping stones. We now bear slightly to the left,following the path through some water meadows past

Cabb's Well. This is the subject of an interestinglegend, which I shall now recount.

Cabb was the farmer who had this well dug,although his house has long since become one withthe clay.

He noticed, however, that occasionally small,strangely marked coins of various denominationswould turn up around the well and, once or twice, heeven saw them break the surface of the water and landon the stones.

Subsequent research revealed that he had dug hiswell on an area of dimensional uncertainty and it wastechnically on the underside of a wishing well set insome other universe. Cabb moved away very shortlyafterwards, having got it into hishead that by taking the money hemight be held legallyresponsible for honouringthe wishes.

Just past Cabb's Well wefollow the path close to

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the Floove, a tributary of the Lancre river, and headfor the Dancers. Here the going gets a little tougherand you may wish to pause for a moment to have adrink of water and a long look at your Lancre MintCake. The path here becomes more overgrown,although here and there intriguing little footpathslead to isolated hamlets with romantic names such asSlippery Hollow, a collection of cottages nowinevitably connected in the traveller's mind with thelegend of the headless horse rider. No-one knowswhy the horse is headless, or to what the reins areattached, although there is thought to be someconnection with organised crime (although there canbe none worse than the conspiracy to keep honestwalkers from their rightful enjoyment of thecountryside).

The river widens slightly and the path and itssurroundings become a little more marshy. We walkthrough the rushy, treed valley up a slight rise to theDancers.

These arc an ancient stone circle. There are eightof them, in a circle wide enough to throw a stoneacross. They are reddish, about man-height and barelythicker than man as well. Local legend has it thatt h e y are a gateway into the kingdom of the elves butthe t r u t h is l ikely to be much more prosaic. They aretypical of a style of silicon chronograph constructedin the dawn of time by our ignorant forebears.Basically, they arc an underused resource and I for oneplan to organise a Lancre Music and Dance Festivalnext y e a r , based around the stones, which are in a

perfect location for that sort of activity. It is mybelief that the stories are put about by the locals inorder to keep people away, but we shall not bedeterred. The land belongs to the people after all(except, of course, to the people who own it, whodon't count and should be ashamed in any case).

Standing at the Dancers, with one's back to theRiver Floove, strike out over the path ahead of you,leading down the slope. Take care here with thepathway, which can be treacherous in wet weather, andalso beware of falling dwarfs. Saw through any fencesyou see, by the way. Keeping cattle enclosed is not asufficient reason for erecting them across time-honoured paths. And be sure to complain in a firm,clear voice to any people you meet.

The path is very indistinct along this part of theroute, but you should proceed up the far slope and

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over the brow of the hill. From the top you can secthe Standing Stone, on the crest of the moor. Inwinter, the ground around the stone is always clear ofsnow. Local legend has it that no-one has eversuccessfully counted the Standing Stone. Localpeople, eh? Pass by the stone and proceed down thevery precipitous and zig-zag path which leads tothe valley of the Long Man. In fact, this is probablythe best view of this remarkable burial site, nowon the other side of the Lancre River to us.

There are some interesting rare species of gorsebush along this part of the route, some of which youmay see at close quarters if you miss your footing.

The Long Man is a collection of three burialmounds - two round mounds at the foot of a longone. There are some very vulgar and inappropriatesouvenirs for sale in Lancre Town which allegedlydepict the Long Man and some of the legendsattached to it. At the foot of the long mound threelarge irregular stones form the entrance to a cave -another of these supposed entrances to the kingdomof the elves. It does, however, make a useful spot to

rest and eat those sandwiches which I hope youremembered to bring with you. I recommend cheesewithout onion, as better for the digestion.

The return route is much simpler. We just followthe Lancre River as far as the bridge near Cabb's Welland from there back to Lancre Town and a welcominghalf of shandy at the Goat and Bush. It is a good ideato take a moment now to write your letters ofcomplaint, and then relax in the knowledge of a goodday well spent.

ERIC WHEELBRACE

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Folk Lore of LancreHello it is me again yrs. truly G. Ogg.

A lady from the Ankh-Morpork Folk Dance andSong Society come up here one summer and came tosee me about what old folk customs and fertilityrituals and similar that we might have in Lancre.Well there's only one fertility ritual that I knows ofand that's the one that comes nat'raly but she says, no,there's got to be load of folk stuff hanging on becauseI am writin a book and I will give you this handsomesilver dollar my good woman.

Well of course a dollar is not to be sneezed up sonext morning I was able to give her as much folkloreas she could carry away. Of course I dint tell hermuch of the real stuff like the Dark Morris 'cos shewouldn't get it right, and anyway the Obbyoss ain'tbeen seen for years although sometimes the hunterssay they hears it afar off in the woods, but all thesame it's amazing what you can remember after acouple of pints, such as:

The Lancre OozerThe Oozer, attended by people dressed up as hisSqueasers, dances from house to house in everyvillage on Old Hogswatch Eve until people givesthem money to go somewhere else. It is said that anymaiden kissed by the Oozer is sure to be pregnantbefore the year is out but this is an odds-on bet inthese parts anyway.

The Slice Mummers PlayThis is performed on the first Saturday after MarlingDay, when the characters of Old Hogfather, Death,Merry Hood and the White Knight perform an ageold ritual tellin' of the death and resurrection ofreally bad acting. This is the high spot of the SliceFair and Revels. There is not a Jot to do in Slice.Well, not that isn't mostly banned everywhere else.

The Scouring of the Long ManThis takes place about every twenty years in earlyMay, when the men and the married women go up tothe Long Man and cut away all the bracken andseedlings what have grown up since the last Scouring.Unmarried girls ain't allowed to join in but it'samazin what a good view you can get from up a treeand if you ain't got brothers you can get an educationright there and then which will prevent surprises laterin life. Someone who knows about this stuff said theLong Man is just some old burial mounds, and I ain'targuing, har har.

When it's decently dark there's a pig roast and asing song and then people wander off and make theirown entertainment.

The Witch TrialsThis ain't strictly a Lancre custom because it movesaround the Ramtops, but basic'ly it's once a year when

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all the witches for miles around gets together for ahit of a rendes-vou to exchange gossip and see who'sdead. Then there's a friendly competition to show offlittle tricks and skills picked up durin' the year, ofcourse when I say 'friendly' I mean in the witch sense,'cos a witch is the kind of person who'd play Snapwith kiddies for ha'pennies and play to win. There'sno prize or cup or anythin' like that 'cos all a witchneeds is for other witches to know she's won.Generally the point is to see whose going to come2nd to Esme Weatherwax. There's also sideshows anda tug o' war and a bit of a fair and in the evenin' there'sdancing, music and making your own entertainment.And of course there's a big bonfire. It wouldn't be aproper witch trial without a big bonfire afterwards.There's fireworks, but that's usually the witchesarguing over who came 2nd.

The Lancre Seven-year FlitchThis is an old custom datin back to oneMiscegenation Carter, who left some money in hiswill to set it up to provide a flitch of bacon for thedeservin poor. It is held every five years. It is open toany man who has been married for more than sevenyears to appear before the Flitch Court, whichconsists of six old married couples, an swear that inthat t ime he has never had a cross word with his wifeor regretted bein married. If he does, he is then beatennear senseless with the flitch for lying, but broughtround with strong drink and the rest of the day is a

fair. So far no man has ever convinced the Court anthe flitch is the original one which is hard as oaknow.

That is about all I can recall for one dollar.

G. OGG.

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Key to the Places on the Map123456789101112131415161718192021222324252627282930313233

High TopsCopperheadBroken MountainMad WolfInkcapHangdogSliceCrack PeakTo UberwaldBlackglassThe Place Where the Sun Does Not ShinePowderknifeEntrance to Lancre CavesBear MountainDrumlins FellRazorbackSkundA Rock and a Hard PlaceSlippery HollowStanding StoneThe Long ManCreel SpringsLancre CastleMoorlandsBad AssGranny Weatherwax's CottageThe DancersBlasted OakLancre TownLancre RiverCabb's WellLancre GorgeMagrat's Cottage

34 Mad Stoat35 Lancre River36 Lancre Bridge37 Lancre River38 Floove River

Lancre Town1 Nanny Ogg's Cottage2 The Old Forge3 The Goat 6 Bush4 Jason Ogg's Cottage5 Shawn Ogg's Cottage6 Quarney's General Stores7 Mrs Deacon's Ladies' & Gents' Hairdressing8 Market Pentangle9 Bestiality Carter - Bakery10 Feed Merchants11 Obidiah Carpenter - Tailor & Cutter12 Lodging House

Lancre Castle1 Keep2 Long Gallery3 Walled Garden4 Stables5 Mews (Stable Yard)6 Widdershins Tower7 Hubward Tower8 Cloisters9 Kitchens10 Granary11 Turnwise Tower12 Rimward Tower