GRRRL ASYLUM #4
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Transcript of GRRRL ASYLUM #4
GRRRL ASYLUM
Issue #4
Note From The Editor:
1
A note from the Editor:
As many of you can see, we have been on hiatus for
about two months. I am the sole person currently
running this zine and sometimes unfortunately my day
to day life gets a little too full and I don’t always find
time to get to what really makes me happy.
In order to keep this from happening again. I am looking
to build a staff to help run things when I can’t get to
them so quickly. If you are interested in helping keep
this zine running smoothly, please email me at
Thank you to all who were patient with me and have
stuck with us since day one. You have given me the
drive to make time because what we are doing
together is so important. When you share your voice,
your words, your stories, your art with our readers, you
incite change. You build community. You connect with
your fellow woman.
This issue focuses on our bodies. The good, the bad,
rants, raves and recovery.
*Some content in this issue may be triggering to some
due to: diet talk, eating disorders, body shaming, and
self-harm.
Happy reading GRRRLS!
-K
2
Maddi Montero Amezaga
3
I almost unfollowed all of my thinspo blogs
today.
By Emily
My father once told me that he had high hopes for me
And if I could just lose a little weight,
I wouldn’t end up like my sister.
And I’d find a good man
To love me.
My mother once told me
That she didn’t want me to hug her today
Because she felt too big.
Too much of her existed
To be touched
And to be loved.
And so my body became the monster
That hid under my bed
And in my closet at night.
The road to loving myself is painful and there are days
where there are comments
and there are memories
and there are triggers
and there are looks
and plates of food and family dinners
and nights out with friends
that amplify the voice of the demon that clings to my
back
and sinks its teeth into my neck
and in the worst kinds of whispers say
“because you have more,
you are less.
you will always be less.”
I still look in the mirror and see numbers
and words.
150 today.
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0 tomorrow.
100 the day after.
Problem areas.
Not as small as her.
He will not love me for much longer
unless i get down to 105.
Shame.
Melancholy.
i’ve wasted 10 years of my life
thinking i would start living tomorrow.
but when I look into my eyes now
I see a spirit that understands
and forgives
but doesn’t know how to live life
the way it was intended.
and I have shaved the follicles that sprout from my
beautiful skull
and i’ve wept.
And i see the full scowl my eyebrows hold
and the flesh on my knuckles are white.
I am a something different now.
I must touch my belly
And tell it that it is loved.
I must hold my arms
And say they are mine.
I must cup my breasts
And tell them they are enough.
i must look at my stretch marks
and in my mind,
kiss them.
you are enough.
I must look at myself in the mirror now
and say
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I’m sorry
For taking out my anguish
On you.
the truth spills from my heart.
If I’m ready to fight this world,
If I’m ready to fight for other girls,
I need to fight this.
I need to fight myself.
6
“Fun In The Sun” - Cait
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"No Flowers from a Stranger" By: Eliz Ozden Portland, OR
My mother, she was called a whore By every man she tried to touch
With her tiny hands and skin so pale A heartbeat like a ladybug’s
Her mother said, don't be yourself Just wear orange, never black
Be exactly who you're not Then those men will love you back
So she grabbed a stranger’s dying tulips Left her home in Istanbul Set herself next to a ghost
Each year passing, twice as cruel My mother took the saddest bits
and made them have some meaning When everyone said otherwise,
her heart was ever gleaming "Only you can hope endanger
be yourself despite the madness, and take no flowers from a stranger."
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Home Grown
Sarah Byerley
February 26, 2014
My feet have never touched the land
that my grandmother came from
but I helped her work,
learned her lessons,
heard her stories,
and they all flow through my veins,
a part of who I am.
My mother never claimed to know everything
but she knew what was best for us,
how to care for us,
to worry for us,
taught us to be our best,
and her love flows through my veins,
a part of who I am.
I do not yet know who I am
but when I feel alone I close my eyes
and see the rows and rows of crops
growing tall and strong,
beside my grandmother’s house.
Crops to feed the hungry mouths,
crops to feed the hungry heart,
crops to feed the hungry soul,
stationed in the dirt turned by her hands,
turned by my mother’s hands,
turned by my sister’s hands,
and by mine.
It fuels me and it feeds me,
coursing through my veins,
giving me strength,
giving me comfort
to know that we are all home grown.
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panteha.tumblr.com
10
Transgender: The Neuromatrix and the Sense of Self.
Ashley Ryan
One of the most frequent things I hear cisgender
people say when the topic of transgender people enters a
conversation is their refusal and/or inability to
understand how anyone could actually feel out of place
in their own body. Something called the neuromatrix,
which is a configuration of neurons in the brain that
generate patterns and process information and produces
patterns that give you the experience of your entire body,
can explain why this happens (Foley & Matlin, 2010).
Before I relate the neuromatrix to being
transgender, let me first relate this concept to the
phenomena of phantom limbs. People who have a limb
amputated often report still feeling as if they have a limb
there, despite the fact the limb has been removed. The
neuromatrix theory suggests that because neurons in
your brain create a map of your body, your brain will
still feel as though there is a limb there. The brain
continues to represent that missing limb because the
neural connections and patterns in the brain still exist.
The removal of an arm or a leg does not physically affect
the individual’s brain. This phenomenon isn’t limited to
amputees; people who are born without limbs often
experience phantom limbs as well. In addition to
phantom limbs there have also been reports of phantom
organs, phantom breasts and phantom penises. For
example, men who’ve had their penis amputated, usually
due to cancer, often report the existence of a phantom
penis.
This now leads us to being transgender.
Transgender people often report that they feel trapped in
the body of the wrong gender. The concept of the
neuromatrix can explain this. What has essentially
happened is their neuromatrix is inconsistent with their
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entire body. Scientists Ramachanran and McGeoch
tested their idea by hypothesizing that transgender folks
should be less likely than men with penis cancer to
report having a phantom penis after male-to-female
gender reassignment surgery (Foley & Matlin, 2010)..
Their data supported their hypothesis! So basically,
when a cisgender man with cancer has their penis
amputated, they report having a phantom penis because
their neuromatrix matches their body. When a
transgender individual (male-to-female gender
reassignment) has their penis removed, they do NOT
report having a phantom penis because their neuromatrix
doesn’t include male genitalia!
I believe that some cisgender people’s negative
reactions to transgender people are due to their total
ignorance on the topic and their complete lack of
understanding. People often fear what they don’t know
or what they don’t understand. This fear and inability to
understand makes it hard for them to empathize. Fear
and lack of empathy tend to be the primary emotions
behind discriminatory, rude and even hateful feelings,
behaviors, and attitudes toward transgender folks. I
believe if cisgender people were to understand the
science behind being transgender they would gain
empathy, understanding and insight. If you can place
yourself in someone else’s shoes, you’d be more likely
to be open-minded and accepting rather than hateful or
judgmental.
Citation: Foley, H., & Matlin, M. (2010) Sensation and
Perception. Boston: Pearson Education Inc.
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Feminism and Recovery by Eden Robinson
I'm proud to call myself a body-positive feminist.
It took a long time for me to see how the two are related. When I finally saw the connection, feminism became my lifesaver. I clung to it, and slowly began to climb back out of the quicksand pit of anorexia, binge eating disorder, and body hatred. I'm still in the healing process, and maintaining the "body positive" part often feels like a struggle.
As I recently thought about the relationship between feminist values and appreciating one's own body, I realized how much of feminism is essentially about body ownership. A huge part of feminism is believing that a woman always has complete ownership of her own body.
Most of what we fight against as feminists is essentially a belief that a woman's body can become someone else's property. We believe that a woman's ownership of her body cannot be transferred to a boyfriend, husband, or fetus. It cannot be transferred to a culture, society, or other women. It cannot be transferred to someone who finds the woman attractive, including her "nice guy" friend. It cannot be transferred to someone else who sees a panty line, skin blemish, or wrinkle. A woman's ownership of her body is not affected by what she is or isn't wearing. This ownership cannot be transferred to an industry
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that views certain body types as "acceptable" and others as "unacceptable". This helped me realize how body positivity is one of the ultimate acts of feminist defiance. It is feeling pride and love where misogyny expects us to feel shame and hatred. It is truly claiming one's body as one's own. I am still learning how to replace shame with love. I am still letting go of this cannibalistic obsession that devours time and energy. I am still realizing that my body is no one's but my own, and that how I feel in it is all that matters. My ultimate goal is to heal completely and then help other women find more moments of positivity in their own bodies.
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Why it’s Okay NOT to Love Your Body Sometimes
By Maria Hanophy
A friend of mine once told another friend that I
would probably have trouble getting through a recent
breakup because I wasn’t a strong person, and because
I didn’t have a high opinion of myself. I was not angry
because she called me weak, but rather because she
had judged my character based on how I viewed my
body. I did feel like a weak person at the time, but not
for the reasons she thought. Not once in my
relationship had I ever believed the boy when he called
me fat, ugly, or stupid. I knew I was beautiful. I knew I
was smart. My friends would constantly coo over me
and tell me how wrong he was, and how I should never
think less of myself because of him, but I didn’t. I
brushed off the comments about my physical
appearance. I told him to stop when he drummed on
my stomach and nicknamed me “Chubs.” I didn’t let him
get to me. But I sometimes let myself get to me.
My friend isn’t completely wrong. I don’t have a
very high opinion of myself. There are days when I think
I look like a hideous beast, and there are days when I
think I look like a fairytale princess. I don’t take
compliments well, and I never have. I think I could stand
to lose a few pounds. There are parts of my body that I
hate, and there are parts that I really like. But my
personal body image does not determine my strength.
The way I see it, you don’t have to love your body in
order to be a strong person. You are a strong person if
you make it out the door every morning. You are a
strong person if you think you look like a creature from
the bowels of hell without makeup, but you don’t wear
makeup today because you didn’t feel like putting it on.
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You are a strong person if you wear a dress you love
that exposes the thighs you hate. You are a strong
person if you are self-conscious but don’t let that stop
you from living. I have heard so many people, including
my friends, complain about self-conscious people and
how they are depressing and not fun to be around. But I
think there is nothing better than someone who
questions the social repercussions of everything he or
she does and still manages to do things. In my opinion,
the strongest people are those who continue on
although it’s difficult. Having low self-esteem or a poor
body image does not make a person weak; a person’s
strength comes from his or her determination to keep
going.
We live in a world dominated by people telling
us to diet, wear makeup, and do all kinds of things to
change how we look. Loving ourselves is incredibly
important, but it can also be difficult. No one should
ever feel bad for having low self-esteem, because that is
not what defines a person. I believe a person is defined
by what he or she puts out into the world and how he
or she impacts others. People who struggle with body
image issues but continue to get up every morning and
live their lives inspire me to do the same. I have friends
who are incredibly confident and happy even though
they don’t love their bodies, and through their
determination and passion, they remind me that I don’t
have to love what I see in the mirror, because I am
more than just a body.
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ARTIST INFO:
Leslie Borozck – Cover Photo: “ Haruko + Setsuna”, Page 14:
“Faces”, Page 17: “Snapshots”
TUMBLR: http://lb-lb-lb.tumblr.com
Maddi Montero Amezaga – Photo submission, page 2
TUMBLR: http://maddimontero.tumblr.com
Emily –“ I Almost Unfollowed All of My Thinspo Blogs Today”
TUMBLR: http://dumpsterhands.tumblr.com
Cait – Photo Submission : Fun In the Sun Page 6
TUMBLR: http://dare-i-be-free.tumblr.com
Eliz Oden –“No Flowers From A Stranger”
Sarah Byerly –“Homegrown”
TUMBLR: http://fem-for-thought.tumblr.com
Ashley – Trangender: The Neuromatrix and The Sense of Self
Eden Robinson – Feminism And Recovery
Maria Hanophy- Why Its Okay NOT To Love Your Body
Sometimes
TUMBLR: http://stronginsideandout.tumblr.com
NEXT MONTH’S THEMES: ADDICTION, CREATION
SEND SUBMISSIONS TO:
ALL SUBMISSIONS MUST BE IN BY 5/15/14
FIND US AT
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