The Neatest Little Paper Ever Read ®July 16, 2013

67% of the sickness treated are preventable. Accord-ing to the National Institute of Medicine, 50% of the deaths today from the 10 leading causes of death can be traced to lifestyle. Come along with Tidbits as we visit the hospital.

Antics & Anecdotes• On Nov. 9, 1965, a backup relay on one of the

five main transmission lines failed at a station near Toronto. The electrical load shifted to the other four lines, which then became overloaded and shut down. Within minutes, power plants in Canada, New York, and most of New England were out of service, putting 30 million people in the dark. In some areas, power was not restored for more than 12 hours. Nine months later, hos-pitals in the area noted a distinct increase in the number of babies born.

• Janos Pek of Hungary had been confined to a hos-pital bed for 11 years after an accident left him paralyzed and mute. In 1975, he was listening to the opening game of the soccer season on the ra-dio. When the announcer described the tripping of a player of Pek’s favorite team, Pek shouted, “Penalty!” It was the first word he had spoken in over a decade. Though he remained paralyzed, he spoke normally afterwards. Incidentally, Pek’s team won the game.

WEIRD REASONS FOR HOSPITAL TRIPS• Owen Rutherford was an attendant at the Lincoln

Park Zoo. One day he drove to the airport to pick up some snakes being shipped in. It seemed to him that the deadly black mamba snake was dead. So he poked it with his finger. The snake was not dead. Rutherford recovered in a nearby hospital.

• Abie Goldberry was goalie on a Canadian junior ice hockey team in 1930. In the back pocket of his hockey shorts he kept a book of matches and a plastic comb. When a puck from a hard shot

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Strange Hospital Stories

struck his back pocket, the friction caused the matches to ignite, melting the comb and setting his pants on fire. He was rushed to the hospital, and his team lost 2 - 0.

• A 1961 game between the San Francisco Giants and the Philadelphia Phillies did not go well for the Giants, who lost 1-0. The Giant’s manager, Alvin Dark, was so angry at the team’s poor per-formance that he stormed into the clubhouse, grabbed a metal stool, and threw it across the room. Unfortunately, his pinky finger got caught on a rough edge of the metal and the tip of it tore off. He was rushed to the hospital and stitched up, minus the missing tip. His players felt bad, so to make their peace with him they found the tip of his finger, pickled it in alcohol, and presented the jar to him as a gift.

• George Watts of England liked being in the hos-pital. He liked the free room and board, and he especially liked being cared for by sympathetic nurses. So he made a habit of swallowing coins, then admitting himself to various hospitals across the country. He would complain of chest pains, doctors would remove the coins, nurses would care for him, and the government would pick up the tab. When the government figured out his scheme, he was sentenced to a year in jail for ob-taining hospital care by deception.

• Donald Wright was installing a door in Toronto when he fell off the ladder, knocking himself out. When he came to, he found that he had fallen on his electric drill— which was on at the time. The drill was imbedded three inches deep in his skull. He pulled on it but it wouldn’t come out. So he restarted it, reversed the direction, and pulled it out. At the hospital they removed a bone frag-ment from his brain. Afterwards he was fine.

• Police officer Timothy Day of Indianapolis made a trip to the hospital after picking up a bag of co-caine to seize it as evidence, and a gust of wind blew the contents into his face.

MALPRACTICE• In 1970 in Indiana the parents of 15-month-old

Rodney Brown were informed the child suffered from cystic fibrosis and would not live past his mid-teens. For the next decade, Rodney was sub-jected to all manner of medical procedures. In 1975 Rodney was chosen as Indiana’s cystic fibro-sis poster child, and in 1976 he became the nation-al poster child. He even met Pres. Ford. In 1980 the family moved to Maryland and took Rodney to see a new doctor. The new doctor found that Rodney did not have cystic fibrosis after all. He merely suffered from asthma.

• A psychic suffering from persistent head-aches had a CT-scan. The dye they used, she said, made her feel like her head was going to explode. Afterwards she found her psychic powers had evaporated. She sued the hospital. Although the jury awarded her nearly $1 million, the judge threw out

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the verdict.• In 1984 a 305-pound man in Virginia underwent

a stomach-stapling operation to lose weight. He was still in the hospital two days later when he spied a refrigerator. He ate so much he popped the staples and required emergency surgery. He later tried to sue the hospital, saying they were negligent in allowing him near the fridge.

MENTAL PATIENTS• Nathaniel Lee was an author who suffered from

bouts of insanity and was confined to Bedlam Hospital. A friend once visited him there. Lee showed him around, giving him a tour of the hospital. His conversation was so rational that the friend hoped that Lee might have recov-ered his sanity. His hopes were dashed, however, when they reached the roof of the building. “Let us achieve immortality by leaping down off this roof!” exclaimed Lee. Coolly, the friend replied, “Any man can leap DOWN off a building and there is no immortality in that. True immortal-ity would be achieved by going to the pavement below and leaping UP!” Lee rushed quickly down the stairs to see if he could indeed achieve im-mortality this way.

• Catherine Yasinchuk came to the U.S. before World War I at the age of 15. She spoke only her native Ukrainian. She married, had a child— and was devastated when they both died. She wan-dered the streets weeping. The police found her, but she only babbled incoherently. The police sent her to a mental hospital. She was 23 at the time. She lived there for the next 48 years, where eve-ryone assumed she was insane because she was unable to communicate. In 1968 a new direc-tor reviewed her case. An employee who spoke Ukrainian discovered she could communicate after all. She was released from the institute and went to live with the daughter of the woman in the personnel department. She died in 1983, hav-ing spent half her life in an institute because she spoke a different language.

THE FINAL FACTAt the prison in McAlester, Oklahoma, death row

inmate Robert Brecheen overdosed the day be-fore he was to be executed. He was rushed to the hospital where his stomach was pumped. Then he was taken back to the prison and promptly ex-ecuted.

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Women in HistoryDOROTHEA DIX

• Dorothea Dix was born in Maine in 1802 and moved to Boston as a child. As a young woman, she opened a school for girls and found that she loved teaching.

• Her appetite for knowl-edge was insatiable. She attended lectures and read widely. She stud-ied literature, history and the natural scienc-es with a special em-phasis on botany and astronomy. She had an aptitude for writing and produced a number of successful books.

• In 1841 she began teaching Sunday school at a women’s prison in Massachusetts, where she was horrified by the appalling treatment the prisoners were sub-jected to – especially the inmates who suffered from mental illnesses. It upset her that the mentally ill were housed alongside felons, which she felt was unfair. The prison had no heat and she immediately went to court in order to secure heat for the prison. This kicked off a life-long devotion to social reform.

• Following this experience, she set about to conduct a statewide examination of how the state of Mas-sachusetts cared for poor people who were also in-sane. Most towns simply hired local individuals to care for people with mental disorders. Because the system was unregulated and underfunded, there was widespread abuse. Dorothea presented a scath-ing report to the state legislature, pointing to nu-merous instances where people had been chained, beaten, and starved. As a result of her lobbying, the mental hospital in Worcester, MA was expanded.

• Next Dorothea traveled to other states, working tirelessly to instigate social reform for the mentally ill. She documented conditions, published papers, met with politicians, and worked with committees to draft new laws. (Cont’d next page)

DOROTHEA DIX (cont’d)• Illinois opened their first mental asylum as a direct

result of her efforts. The institute that was built in Raleigh, North Carolina was named in her honor. Pennsylvania followed suit shortly afterwards and opened an asylum in Harrisburg.

• In 1854 she guided the Bill for the Benefit of the In-digent Insane through the United States Congress, which provided funds to build more asylums across the country. Although it was passed with broad sup-port from both houses of Congress, the bill was ve-toed by President Franklin Pierce, who felt that the

federal government should not be involved in social welfare, which was the responsibility of the states.

• Angry over the rejection of the bill, Dorothea traveled to Scotland and then to Nova Scotia where she continued her work. She mercilessly exposed the enormous disparity between public and private hospitals. After visiting with Pope Pius IX, he was

moved to order the construction of a new hospital for the mentally ill.• Dix returned to the United States in 1856. When the Civil War broke out in 1861, she volunteered her services and was named superintendent of nurses. She was responsible for setting up field hospitals and first-aid stations, recruit-ing nurses, managing supplies, and set-ting up training programs.• In 1881, Dix moved into the New Jersey State Hospital, which she had founded 40 years earlier. The state leg-islature designated a suite for her pri-vate use as long as she lived. She died on July 17, 1887. • All in

all, her tireless efforts over the course of 40 years directly led to the construction of 32 institutions for the care of the men-tally ill in the U.S. and resulted in a ma-jor change in the way the mentally ill are treated.

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With Tom & Devon

“The Supreme Court has ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Here in West Hollywood, the gay community was out in the streets kissing each other, they went dancing, they closed up traffic. And then they heard about the ruling.” –Bill Maher

“Not everyone is taking advantage of the new law. John McCain and Lindsay Graham announced today that they’re going to continue living secret lives of quiet desperation.” –Bill Maher

“It’s been a bit of a week for the Supreme Court. Yesterday they ruled that it’s okay for gay peo-ple to get married. Today, they ruled it’s okay for straight people to rollerblade.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, de-mocracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here – so try it some-where else.” –Jay Leno

“The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. The Girl Scouts are $347 million in debt so in addition to teaching girls about camping it also is preparing them for careers in government.” –Jay Leno

“NSA leaker Edward Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their information. Now where is he? He’s in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million Americans, the only one the government wasn’t watching was him?” –Jay Leno

More Funny Stuff!Police have been called to an accident involving

an ice cream van. A spokesman said, “We may have to cone off the area!”

------------------------------------------------------The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace

and asked, “What kinds of ice cream do you have?”

“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed un-able to continue.

“Do you have laryngitis?” the young man asked sympathetically.

“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.”

------------------------------------------------------FUNNY QUOTES

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. “ - Lana Turner

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary - it’s the stu-pid ones that need the advice.” Bill Cosby

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” - Steve Martin

“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.” - George Bernard Shaw

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two items: take it or leave it.” - Buddy Hackett

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance of those of who do.” Isaac Asimov

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” - Mitch Hedbert

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“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” - Lily Tomlin

“I found out there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” - Rodney Danger-field

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except people who have them.” - P.J. O’Rourke

“You can lead a man to Congress but you can’t make him think.” - Milton Berle

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” - George Burns

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Tidbits of Greeley, Centerra & LovelandPage 6 To advertise call 970.475.4829

¥ It was President Abraham Lincoln who made the following sage observation: “The man who is incapable of making a mistake is incapable of anything.”

¥ Researchers at Harvard University once de-cided to test several varieties of Coca-Cola to determine their effectiveness, if any, as a sper-micide. The results? Diet Coke was the most effective, while New Coke was the least. Upon hearing of the tests, a representative for the com-pany issued the following statement: “We do not promote Coca-Cola for medical purposes. It is a soft drink.”

¥ The minnow has teeth, but they’re not in its mouth; they’re found in the throat.

¥ Ever wonder where we get the term “blurb” to indicate a short summary or promotional piece accompanying a creative work? At a trade association dinner in 1907, author Gelett Bur-gess presented attendees with a limited edition of one of his books. It was customary to have a brief summary included on the dust jacket of such books, along with a picture of an attractive woman. Burgess followed this custom Ð with a twist. On the cover of his piece was an image of a woman with her hand held to her mouth, as if shouting. The caption for this image was “Belin-da Blurb, in the act of blurbing,” and bold letters at the top of the dust jacket declared, “Yes, this is a Blurb!” The name stuck.

¥ On an average day in the United States, there will be 10 reported UFO sightings.

¥ It seems that artist Leonardo da Vinci pio-neered the paint-by-numbers style of art. He would sketch a piece, then number certain sec-tions for his assistants to paint. ***Thought for the Day: “People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.” -- Soren Kierkegaard (c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.

By Samantha Weaver

Answers on back page!

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YOUR WEEKLY

“Stop whining - most of your life is up to you.” Ron Ross

KICK IN THE PANTS!By Ron Ross

Weld County Sheri�John Cooke

To report tips call 970.304.6565any time or CRIME STOPPERS - 800.222.TIPS. Email a tip to Warrants@WeldSheri�.com, or text CRIMES(274637) and begin tip with the letters “WCSO”.For more information visit WeldSheri�.com.

Gallegos, Elias ManuelBIRTH: 1992/03/29GENDER: MALEHEIGHT: 6’03”WEIGHT: 180 Lbs.HAIR: BLACKEYES: HAZEL

Wanted for Felony Menacing,Probation Violation

Dr. Ross is the publisher of Tidbits of Greeley. Dr. Ross is also the Voice of Tidbits Radio on 1310KFKA Every Saturday Noon - 1pm. He is available to speak at your service club or other event. Dr. Ross posts this blog each week onRonRosstToady.com. To contact him email: RonRoss@TrustTidbits.com or call 970.475.4829.

One of the best football coaches in history said, “The dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Work is the key to success, and hard work can help you accomplish anything.” The coach was Vince Lombardi, best known as the head coach of the Green Bay Packers during the 1960s, where he led the team to three straight and five total league cham-pionships in seven years, including winning the first two Super Bowls following the 1966 and 1967 NFL seasons. He was enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1971.

If you want to be enshrined in any Hall of Fame, you might want to consider Coach Lombardi’s quote and consider work one the most significant keys to your personal success.

An acquaintance of mine worked for 19 year build-ing his plumbing business in the Denver area. He took it from a one-truck, one-man business to a 37 truck, 100 man business. When he was 47-years-old he sold the business for several million dollars and retired with the sole intention of indulging in his favorite sport – golf.

Three years later he was back in the plumbing business. This time he started with three trucks and 6 men, but he was back at work again. I asked him why he decided to go back into the plumbing business. His answer was, “Ron, you can only play so much golf and pretty soon it becomes boring. I had to work again and I knew how to make money in the plumbing busi-ness so here I am. And one more thing, Ron.”

I said, “Yes, what’s that?”“I’m done with golf.”You may be thinking, “What was this guy’s prob-

What Could Possibly Go Right?

lem? He had the bucks in the bank and he was free to do anything he wanted to do.” Yes, he was free to do anything he wanted to do and he wanted to work.

Where does mankind’s need to work come from? It comes from his Creator. The Bible says, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” (Genesis 2:15). It does not say, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Gar-den of Eden to play golf!”

So Coach Lombardi and the Lord God both un-derstood the principle of work: work is good for the soul; work yields profit.

If you’ve been complaining because all you do is work, you’re much better off than the person who has no work to do. Writer Victor Hugo said, “Idleness is the heaviest of all oppressions.”

While it’s true that hard work does not always equal profit or result in success, it is true that nothing sig-nificant is ever accomplished without hard work. So if you want your life to mean something and you want to move yourself from poverty to prosperity, here’s your Kick in the Pants: Get to work. Find a job.

You say, “Ya, but there ain’t no good paying jobs out there.” I didn’t say, “Get a good paying job. I said, get to work.” Work could mean something as simple as clearing your front yard of junk or mowing the grass or volunteering your services.

Don’t wait for the perfect job to come to you. Go out and create the perfect job for you by being willing to start at the bottom and work your way up. To have a low-level job is not an embarrassment. Idleness and laziness is.

Don’t shirk, get to work.

Don’t Shirk, Get to Work

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Tidbits of Greeley & West Weld CountyPublished by Handshake Publishing

Ron & Amy RossAll inquiries: 970.475.4829 or 720.934.7677

4025 Temple Gulch Circle - Loveland CO 80538www.TrustTidbits.com - RonRoss@TrustTidbits.com

Harry JohnstonIt’s time for YOU to stop in at the all new Loveland Ford & Lincoln. Lots of changes have been made but one thing stays the same...those wonder-ful made-in-America Fords and Lincolns. Stop by today and see for yourself.

General Manager