Goldilocks and the 3 little Pigs

Characters:

NarratorGoldilocksPapa BearMama BearBaby BearLittle Red Riding HoodGrannyPig 1Pig 2Pig 3Wolf

Scene 1Narrator

Once upon a time there was 2 little girls named Little Red Riding Hood and Goldilocks. They were best friends.

(Little Red/Goldilocks Enter)

Little Red/GoldilocksBFF for life!!

NarratorThey were both on their way to see their Granny who was sick in bed.

GrannyCough Cough. I’m sick (falls to the ground)

NarratorBut the 2 girls couldn’t agree on which path to take to Granny’s

GoldilocksLook, I know which way is the fastest. So we need to go this way… over the river and through

the woods to grandmother’s house we go oh!

Little RedSeriously? No…. I have my GPS system. I keyed in her address and its taking us down I-75. It’s

faster.

Goldilocks

Fine. You go your way and I’ll go mine and we’ll see who gets there first!

Little RedDone and done! Ready set go!

(Little Red and Goldilocks run into each other and fall. They exit)

Scene 2Narrator

As Little Red and Goldilocks left, The Bear Family was getting ready to leave their house to go to the mall.

PapabearMamabear we need to hurry! I do NOT want to get a bad parking spot! You know how much I

hate parking there!

MamabearI know, I know. I’m trying to get dinner in the crockpot!

BabybearMama? Can I go to the Disney store and get me some Toy Story 3 stuff?

MamabearMaybe Babybear. We will see how you behave. You’re still in trouble from that incident the

other day at the park.

BabybearMommy I told you I thought that those humans were playing tag. They started running from me

so I chased them…I thought I was it…. oops.

PapabearCan we leave now please?

MamabearI don’t want to leave the pot on… but FINE! We will have Cold Porage for dinner! AGAIN! UGH!

(Papabear, Mamabear, Babybear Exit)

Scene 3Narrator

On their way to the mall, The Bear Family passed the 3 little pigs on their way to build their new houses.

(Pig 1,2,3 Enter)

Pig 2I told you Home Depot was better!

Pig 1I never said it wasn’t!

Pig 3I did! I think the prices are better at Lowes!

Pig 2Anyways, we need to hurry back and build our houses before the storm hits! It’s getting bad

outside.

Pig 3Well I don’t see how your house is going to stand up in Straw!

Pig 1Um… hello! It’s 3.50 a bail! It’ll be fine! And cheap.. Not to mention comfortable! I can throw a sheet over it and poof! It’s a bed! At least it’s not twigs.. Have you ever tried to sleep on that?

Pig 2First of all, it’s free! Second of all it stands up better than straw! Tie them together and you’ve got quite a dandy little house! Hey… at least we don’t have to drag around those messy bricks!

(Pig 1 Pig 2 laugh)

Pig 3Laugh all you want but when your begging to come into my house because all ya’ll’s houses got

blown away.. I won’t let you! Cause you ain’t as smart as me!

Pig 1Let’s just hurry back home. We need to get this done ASAP!

(Pig 1,2,3 Exit)

Scene 4Narrator

So the pigs went back to their area to build their houses. The wolf, who had been watching all of this take place was trying to figure out the best path to take and who to get.

Wolf(Reading down a list) Ok.. Today’s To-Do list. I’ve got to seduce Little Red, Eat Granny, Blow down the Piggies Houses, get a pedicure, mail those bills, tan and go to Yoga. Ugh Life is so

rough sometimes! Well I guess I’ll make my rounds. OO I’ll stop by Starbucks and get my non-fat decaf caramel frappiccino vanilla latte.

NarratorSo The Wolf headed out on his day-o-fun while the Bear Family was at the mall and the 3 little pigs were building their houses. Little Red and Goldilocks started on their path to Granny’s not

knowing what was in front of them. As for Little Red…

(Granny interrupts the Narrator)

GrannyHi! I am the Granny! I’m sick and in bed waiting on my grandchildren. I just wanted to say hello

because I haven’t been introduced yet. Buh Bye! Buh Bye! Buh Bye!

(Granny Exits)

NarratorAnyways, before I was rudely interupted… Little Red Riding Hood was using her GPS system and

needed to get some food because she was hungry.

(Little Red Enters)

Little RedHere’s the deal. I’m a pretty hungry and my GPS system just told me there is this house that has

food. So far it smells delicious and I can’t wait to taste it! I hope they are nice people… It’s called The Bears!

NarratorAs Little Red entered the house, she noticed a pot of porage on the stove but no one around.

She waited to be seated and be waited on but then finally made her own plate.

Little RedI wonder what’s good here! This Porage looks tasty! I guess I’ll leave my money on the table.

NarratorAfter she ate, she felt the need to take a nap. So she went to the Bear’s Inn which was right

above the restaurant to take a quick nap.

Little RedOoo! Comfy Beds! I should take a short (she falls and starts to snore)

Scene 5Narrator

While Little Red was sleeping, Goldilocks had a very unexpected run into the wolf.

(Goldilocks and Wolf enter)

GoldilocksOh thank the lord! Where on earth did you find the Starbucks?! I have been looking for one

around here forever!! I really need my iced sweetened decaf passion tea!

WolfWell hello there little girl! Mmm.. you look familiar. Only thing is…. You’re not wearing red…

GoldilocksUgh I hate red! It clashes with my skin complexion.

WolfBut honey! You have great skin… although you should maybe stay in the sun sometimes you’re

kind of pale...I mean say it with me.. Sunlight!

GoldilocksRude! I just have very sensitive skin. Anways.. if you’ll excuse me I have to keep going. I’m on

my way to my Granny’s house. She’s sick and wants starbucks.

WolfWhy do I feel that I know Granny? And I have totally heard that excuse before…. Wait

starbucks?!

GoldilocksWell I need to get going. The weather is looking really bad. Bye!

WolfIt always does! You’re in a haunted forest! Wait a second…. Granny’s house… Starbucks… hmm

that gives me an idea!

Scene 6Narrator

So the wolf followed Goldilocks on her way to Granny’s. Passing them was the Bear family on their way home from the mall.

PapabearThat is the LAST time I take you there on a Saturday!

MamabearOh dear it wasn’t that bad… of course that sale at Macy’s was amazing!

Babybear

I’m hungry! Can we go to Chucky Cheeses for dinner?

MamabearNo babybear. I cooked remember?

BabybearI know…. Can we go to Chucky Cheeses for dinner?

Papabear/MamabearNO!

Scene 7Narrator

When the Bear Family got home, they saw that all of the porage was gone! Unknowing to them that Little Red had eaten the porage and that she was taking a nap upstairs

MamabearAwww heck no!! I did NOT slave away in MY kitchen all day to have my porage missing!

BabybearMommy Daddy? I think someone is upstairs!

PapabearHow do you know son?

BabybearBecause that man just told us!

NarratorWhat?! Me? Wait.. I’m not in this story… I’m just telling you what’s going on.. like a sports

announcer!

MamabearWell then you better tell that girl who is in our house that she better run! Because now she

done now messed with the wrong Mamabear!

(Little Red enters)

Little RedUm…. hi…

Papabear, Mamabear, BabybearGET HER!

(Little Red, Papabear, Mamabear, Babybear exit)

NarratorSo they all followed Little Red to her Granny’s house passing the 3 Little pigs. As the Bear Family

ran past the Pigs houses, the first house blew over leaving no trace or it at all.

Pig 1You’ve got to be kidding me!!! Aight they gunna pay for this!

Pig 2Ha ha ha ha ha! Told ya so! I knew your house wasn’t going to stand up to anything!

NarratorJust then a crash of lightning hit Pig 2’s house and it instantly burned to the ground.

Pig 2Oh My Gosh! Really? Really?

Pig 1(Mocking Pig 2) Told ya so! I knew your house wasn’t going to stand up to anything!

Pig 2Aight your dead! Come here you!

(Pig 1 and Pig 2 run around Pig 3 who is still building his house)

Pig 3Hey guys stop! You’re going to make me ruin my house! The mold hasn’t finished hardening

yet!

NarratorJust then, Pig 1 and Pig 2 ran into Pig 3 which made him fall into his own house tearing down

the entire thing.

Pig 3You pigs!! How could you do this to me?! My beautiful house!

Pig 2He pushed me into it!

Pig 1Well you made fun of my house!

Narrator

Hey piggies! Why don’t you just follow the Little Red because she was the one that caused the whole thing!

Pig 1,2,3Follow that Girl!!!

(Pig 1,2,3 exit)

NarratorBy this point, everyone was on their way to Granny’s house unbeknownced of what lay ahead

for them!Scene 8

NarratorGranny look! Who are all these people in your front yard?

GrannyIt better not be those Avon people again!

(All barge in)

Little Red/GoldilocksGranny!

GrannyOh my babies! Come give grandma a big kiss!

WolfGranny!

GrannyTouch me and face the wrath of my foot!

WolfOk looks like Granny will be checked off the list for today

GrannyWhat, who are all of these people?

GoldilocksWell this wolf started following me because I was showing him the way to starbucks!

WolfI was thirsty…

Little RedWell… I kind of was hungry and I stopped at this little off the road diner

MamabearThat was no diner! That was my Hizouse! Look, this little red head bimbo ate our dinner and

slept in our brand new sheets!

Little RedWell mam, if you’re the cook? It really wasn’t that good…

MamabearOH NO YOU DIDN’T!

PapabearOh no she didn’t!

BabybearNo she kind of did! Yea.. she went there!

HunterHold up! So how did you 3 get here?

Pig 1They knocked down our houses!

Pig 3No duffess, you knocked down mine!

Pig 2Actually, you fell on your’s so that’s kind of your problem. Not ours.

Pig 3Do NOT go there with me!

Pig 2Oh I will..

Pig 1And he/she just did!

(All starts arguing to each other)

Narrator

STOP ARGUING! What is going on here? So your houses got blown down. And your food got eaten. Can’t we all just get together and have world peace?

GrannyNo Miss America! We can’t have world peace! It’s not the way society works!

MamabearSo what am I supposed to do about my food?

BabybearAnd my bed?

Pig 1,2,3And our houses?

WolfAnd my list?

GrannyWell here is a thought. Bear family. Can’t you wash sheets and cook again?

Papabear, Mamabear, BabybearYea

GrannyAnd Piggies. Can’t you just rebuild your houses?

Pig 1,2,3Yea I guess so.

GrannyWolf. Can’t you just not eat people anymore?

WolfYes I’ve actually been needing to go on the weight watchers. You’d actually be considered 27

points and I’m only allowed 30 in a day

GrannyOk. Didn’t need to know that but we will work with it.

NarratorThen it’s settled and we all are happy?

All

Sure!

GrannyGood! Then since everyone is here, why don’t we have a partay!

Little RedPump that music on Granny!

GoldilocksYa. Time to get crunk!

NarratorAnd they all lived happily ever after

AllWord! (Strike a hip hop pose)

THE END