Gilmore Girls

“Public Displays”by

T. Alex Miller

T. Alex Miller5916 N. Las Virgenes Rd., #679Calabasas, CA 91302818-880-8761

FADE IN:

EXT-MORNING-SIDEWALK OUTSIDE LUKE’S COFFEE SHOP

LORELAINo, I’m sorry my dear, Lynyrd Skynyrd is NOT a country band.

RORYBut c’mon: Sweet Home Alabama? What could be more country than that?

(affecting Southern accent)“Carry me home ta see ma kin.”

LORELAIOne song about the south does not a country band make. Lynyrd Skynyrd was, and actually still is -- if you discount the fact that most of the band members are dead -- a country rock band, not a country band.

RORYOh, important distinction. Excuse me. It’s like confusing The Cure with The Fixx.

LORELAIExactly. Or Journey with Boston ...

RORYElvis Costello with Joe Jackson ...

LORELAINow hey, big difference there!

RORYThe Cure, The Fixx ...

LORELAIBagels and bialis ...

RORYWhat’s a biali?

LORELAILike a dusty bagel without a hole.

(CONTINUED)

RORYFabulous.

INT-MORNING-LUKE’S

They enter the coffee shop where LUKE is in his morning rush frenzy, compounded by the fact that an ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMAN is taking pictures of him as he works.

LUKE(off their incredulous looks)

Don’t ask.

LORELAII have to ask.

LUKEI’m telling you, don’t ask!

RORYWe must know!

LORELAIC’mon Luke, what’s going on? Who’s Annie Leibowitz over here?

RORYDid you win the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes or something?

JOHN STOCKTON, late 20s, appears behind them.

JOHNYou ladies of Stars Hollow just don’t realize what a treasure you have here in Mr. Danes and his bistro.

LORELAIMr. Danes? Bistro?

JOHNHi, John Stockton, Hartford Courant.

RORYOh, hey, you’re the color feature guy! Cool.

LORELAIThe what?

2.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

RORYColor features. Every Sunday. A different story about something cool or off the beaten track in New England. Great stuff.

(to JOHN)You write with a certain whimsy that’s as stylized as it is lugubrious.

(off Lorelai’s look)Paris’s description.

JOHNAh, an adoring fan, I think. I’m really warming to this town. And this is Mitzi, my partner, my eyes, if you will.

MITZI is adjusting Luke’s baseball cap, fussing over his appearance. He’s tolerating it. She breaks off when introduced.

RORY(shaking Mitzi’s hand)

I will. Nice to meet you.

LORELAI(cooly)

Nice to meet you ... Mitzi.

MITZIUsually it’s a big hassle photographing a guy who refuses to take off his hat, but since Luke wears his backwards, his scruffy cuteness can shine forth, like a beacon.

LORELAIOh, hey, well Beacon Boy, tell us about the PR agent who set this up for you.

LUKENot now Lorelai. Still gotta make the donuts.

And he’s off, with Mitzi in hot pursuit snapping away. Rory follows. Lorelai sits, John joins her.

3.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

JOHNActually, this week’s piece was supposed to be about an old woman in Darien who makes terra cotta lawn gnomes based on Star Wars characters.

LORELAIGood grief.

JOHNBut she broke her hip.

LORELAIOh, sad.

JOHNYeah. So is Luke a friend of yours?

LORELAIYou could say that.

JOHNCould I say we’re friends?

LORELAI(a bit surprised)

You could say I’ve known you for, like, 34 seconds.

JOHN40 now.

LORELAIGoody.

JOHN45

LORELAIStop that. And stop taking notes.

JOHNWhat? It’s my job. By next week, Luke’s business will have tripled.

LORELAII’m not so sure that’s a good thing. But hey, just don’t tell him about the, the lady in Milford with the broken leg and the elves.

4.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

JOHNDarien. Hip. Gnomes.

LORELAIWhatever. Although that wouldn’t be a bad name for a lounge act: The Hip Gnomes.

(off the appearance of JESS)Uh oh.

JOHNWhat?

LORELAINothing.

She GESTURES FRANTICALLY to Rory, who QUICKLY MOVES TO HEAD JESS OFF. She gives him a peck on the cheek.

RORYHey, you, man. Walk, now.

JESSUh, OK, woman. Me go.

Rory leads him out the door.

JOHNWhat was all that about?

LORELAIOh, um, young love or something.

JOHN(suspiciously)

Really?

LORELAIDon’t be deceived, Mr. Lugubrious. This town’s more complex than you think.

(off her empty cup)Must ... have ... coffee!

(off Luke’s preoccupation with Mitzi)

...and the service here stinks. Uh, I mean, not usually, but Luke’s not used to being treated like a swimsuit model.

She rises and crosses to counter with John in tow.

5.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

JOHNPlease don’t call me Mr. Lugubrious.

SMASH CUT TO:

MAIN TITLES

END OF TEASER

6.CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)

ACT ONE

EXT./EST. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE - MORNING

We find RORY and JESS walking

JESSSo what was all that about?

RORYLuke’s being interviewed by the newspaper.

JESSReally? What, is he in trouble or something? Cool.

RORYNo, Jess, he’s not in trouble. It’s a good thing. It’s going to be a story in the Courant about how Luke’s is, y’know, like a hidden gem or something. A place you should visit for coffee while you’re antiquing on the weekend.

JESSI’m not comfortable with “antique” being perverted into a verb.

RORYI don’t like it either. But it is what it is.

JESS(realization sinks in)

Ahhhh ... and you hustled me out of there before I could say something awful and ruin my uncle’s 15 minutes of fame.

RORYGuilty as charged.

JESSYou know, I do have some discretion.

(off her skeptical look)But, OK, it might have been ...

7.CONTINUED:

(MORE)(CONTINUED)

difficult for me to, y’know, not um ...

RORY...make some really biting, sarcastic comments that would make readers of the Hartford Courant think Luke is some kind of fraud and Stars Hollow a hotbed of malcontents?

JESSAlways assuming the worst.

(beat)Why are you here?

RORYWell, Stars Hollow is home, I’m not 18 yet, still love my mom ...

JESSNo, not that. I mean here, with me. The malcontent.

RORYOh. Ah. That question.

JESSYes, that question.

RORYThe ol’ “why do you like me?”

JESSYes.

RORYOr, more to the point, do you like me.

JESSMaybe.

RORYProbably.

JESSWell?

RORYWell what?

JESSDon’t be coy.

8.CONTINUED:

JESS (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)

RORYI must be coy. I’m a girl.

(off his look)OK, I’m sorry.

(deep breath, then quickly)I do like you, Jess. A lot. But I don’t understand why you are like you are. I think I get where your anger comes from with your whole family situation, but I don’t get the, the constant shoulder chip thing, like whoever happens to be around you is somehow partly responsible for whatever, your unhappy childhood or your painful transition to adulthood.

JESSWow. You’ve thought about this. This is like “a topic” for you.

RORYWell, yeah. I’m dating you and I care about you and I don’t understand you and I don’t exactly understand why I like you but I do and I think you like me and so here I am just babbling away hoping somehow this makes some kind of sense.

JESSIt does. I think. I’ll bet I’m a little tougher than Dean to figure out.

RORYWell, there is the theory long held by women that all men are nuts.

JESSOn the guy side, there’s some thinking along those lines about women. So ... about Dean?

RORYWhat about Dean?

JESSAre you over him?

RORYOh, that one.

9.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

JESSWhy do you make it sound like you’ve been in several hundred relationships before?

RORYI have. Just vicariously through books, TV and movies. And my mom.

JESSOh, so it’s all old hat. You’re the pro, the ol’ salty dog of relationships.

RORYThat’s me!

JESSSo answer the question, o wise and salty one.

RORYI’m with you now. Dean’s in the past.

JESSSo you’re not over him.

RORYThat’s not what I said.

JESSIt’s what you meant.

RORYSo you say. Is that what you want to hear, that I’m not over Dean?

JESSYou’re not.

RORY(beat)

OK, I’m not. Not entirely. It hasn’t been that long, we were together for a while ...

JESSI knew it.

RORYBut Jess, that doesn’t mean, it doesn’t mean we can’t ...

10.CONTINUED: (3)

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

aaagghh! Words not working! Book learning useless!

JESSIt’s OK. I get it. I get it just fine. Hard to compete with the boy scout.

Jess storms off, leaving Rory open-mouthed, standing in the middle of the square.

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE MANSION-NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory are being admitted by the MAID.

LORELAIHi, we’re the daughter and grand ... hey, you look familiar!

MAIDYes. Mrs. Gilmore, she’s giving me another chance. She says I’m (quoting) “the least inept servant she’s had in years.” Even though I used the wrong wood polish on the 16h century escritoire.

RORYWell, who needs a perfectly burnished escritoire anyway?

LORELAIWho needs an escritoire? Didn’t they go out with chamber pots?

EMILY enters

EMILYLorelai! Rory! Don’t stand there chattering with the help, come on to dinner!

She turns on her heel and disappears.

LORELAI(to maid)

Well, welcome back. We’re pulling for you, if this is what you want.

11.CONTINUED: (4)

RORY (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)

RORYThey probably have odds on you on the board in Vegas by now.

MAIDThanks. I like a challenge.

LORELAIGod bless you, my child.

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE MANSION DINING ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

Lorelai, Rory, Emily and Richard are seated at the table eating.

EMILYSo, Rory, how are things at Chilton?

RORYOK, if you put aside the fact that I’ll never fit in until I play field hockey.

RICHARDGood god, field hockey. Never a lady’s sport, in my opinion.

LORELAIWell, neither is luge or rugby or masonry.

EMILYMasonry?

RICHARDI don’t get your point.

LORELAIMe neither.

RICHARD(confused)

Well, fitting in, that’s something we all deal with at, at different times in our lives.

RORYTrue dat.

12.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

EMILYYes, Richard is still trying to figure out how to fill up his days.

RICHARDIsn’t it amazing, us humans, always needing to be entertained, to be busy. Would that I were a house cat or a springer spaniel, happy to go from food bowl to nap and back to food bowl.

LORELAIWith perhaps a quick toilet slurp thrown in to liven things up.

RICHARDWell, your scatological reference notwithstanding, the metaphor is apt.

LORELAI(elated)

Yay! I made a metaphor!

RICHARDI need some toilets to slurp.

EMILYOh, Richard!

LORELAIGod I wish I’d had a tape recorder on when you said that!

RICHARD(switching gears)

Rory, have you read D.H. Lawrence’s account of his time in Italy?

RORYNope. Just “Sons and Lovers” so far. Why?

RICHARDOh, no reason. I was just thinking of Italy lately. Seems like it’d be a good place to retire, where no one expects anything of you.

(in reverie)

13.CONTINUED:

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

Nap to food bowl and back again, amongst the olive trees. Motoring to the market once a day on an ancient Ducati, Vivaldi on an equally ancient phonograph. Flies buzzing lazily against the window ...

LORELAIHo-kay. Earth to Dad?

RICHARD(snapping out of it)

Oh! Excuse me a moment.

Richard ABRUPTLY EXITS. The women look at each other.

EMILYThis is what I’ve been dealing with now. He’s gone from being depressed about not working anymore to these, these flights of fancy. Retiring in Italy! Imagine getting good help there! Then he wanders off without a word.

LORELAII believe he did excuse himself.

RORYI thought it was kind of cool. Very poetic, romantic.

EMILYAt your grandfather’s age? Poetry and romance are for the young.

LORELAIYes, must not deviate from counting the silverware and perfecting those hospital corners.

EMILYOh, you know what I mean.

(beat)Lorelai...?

LORELAINo. A thousand times no.

EMILYBut I haven’t even ...

14.CONTINUED: (2)

RICHARD (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAI...asked me to take Dad on a field trip or to have him be my shadow again? I’m still recovering from the last time. And so is Michel.

EMILYI’m not asking you to take him. I’d just like you to do a little research.

RORYResearch?

EMILYYes. Rory, you can help. Find out what other dignified, wealthy retired men do to find meaning in their lives.

LORELAIAnd stay out of their wealthy, dignified wives’ hair.

EMILYYes, that too!

RORYWell, I think it’d be a fun challenge, but I’m kinda swamped at school.

LORELAII’m way busy too, mom.

(off her look)But I’ll see what I can do.

EMILYExcellent! Thank you.

LORELAIYeah, well, this is gonna cost you.

EMILYOh?

LORELAIYou have to keep the new maid around for at least a month.

RORYYes grandma. She’s really nice.

15.CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)

EMILYWhy the sudden interest in my help?

LORELAIOh, just hate to see the trail of tears leading away from here all the time. Plus, she’s very very sorry about the escritoire.

EMILYThe escritoire! How did you know about that?

RORYOh, it’s all over town.

LORELAII came across it on the bored-rich-ladies-and-their-downtrodden-servants-dot-com Web site.

EMILYWell, have your sport if you must, but you’ve no idea what goes into running a house like this.

LORELAITrue, I only run an inn with hundreds of guest a month. What would I know about running a house with only two people in it?

EMILY(About to be angry)

Lorelai ...(remembers her request)

I’ll see what I can do. I suppose it would be nice not always to be in training mode around here.

LORELAIThen it’s settled. We find something for dad to do and you and you have to be nice to the servants.

EMILYI never said anything about being nice. I will let her hang around for a month, though, provided she doesn’t ruin anything else.

16.CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIDeal. I suppose you can’t expect China to clean up its human rights record overnight.

EMILYChina?

(to Rory)China?

Rory SHRUGS as we

FADE TO:

END OF ACT ONE

17.CONTINUED: (5)

(CONTINUED)

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-MORNING

Lorelai and Michel are at the front desk. She is on the PHONE.

LORELAI(into phone)

No, I don’t want sundried apricots or currants or peaches. It’s sundried tomatoes.

(to MICHEL)God, where is Sookie to deal with this stuff?

MICHELShe is off doing the romantic thing with the usual sundried tomato guy.

LORELAI(into phone)

Thank you. Yes, 5 pounds.

MICHELAnd here I thought sundried tomatoes were passé, like pesto and Abba.

LORELAI(hanging up)

Well, they’ve got them but they won’t deliver. And we’ve got to pick up 30 pounds of tater tots for the bus full of old people tomorrow.

MICHELMy god, blue hairs by the busload! I quit!

LORELAI(sweetly)

Michel, can you please ...

MICHELMy place is here, at the command center. I will watch over it well while you are errand girl. Now go!

18.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LORELAISo gallantry is dead.

MICHELNo, just on life support.

LORELAIOK, I’ll go but only if you do something for me.

MICHELProbably not, but what is it?

LORELAIMy father, I need you to make some calls to, I dunno, retirement homes or the AARP or something. Find out what we can have my dad do so he doesn’t drive my mother crazy and move to Italy to ride old motorcycles and write bad poetry.

MICHELYour father? In Italy! On a motorcycle?

(laughs heartily)That’s very touching, but I couldn’t possibly. Very busy.

LORELAI(leaving)

If you don’t, I’ll have my father spend a week here teaching you good customer service.

MICHELI will have a list by this afternoon. Devil woman!

LORELAII prefer “Sundried Tomato Queen.”

Lorelai EXITS out the door as we

CUT TO:

INT-MORNING-LUKE’S

Lorelai enters, looks around. It’s just LUKE and JESS, who’s assiduously CLEANING THE STOVE.

LORELAIWhat, no adoring press today?

19.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LUKENo, they got all they needed. They were in a hurry to get back and do the story. Some kind of deadline.

LORELAIWell, when the gnomes let you down, you’ve got to hustle.

LUKEHuh?

LORELAIHey, place looks dead. Wanna drive with me to get some sundried tomatoes?

LUKEI don’t use sundried tomatoes.

LORELAIWell, duh. But I could use the company.

LUKEAlright. Jess, you’re in charge.

LORELAIDon’t get drunk with all the power, Jess.

(off LUKE’s look)He could get crazy and offer people sprouts or something.

CUT TO:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-MOMENTS LATER

Michel is ON THE PHONE

MICHELYes, he is an old, rich and annoying American with nothing to do. What does your retirement villa offer?

(writing)Shuffleboard, I don’t know what this is but OK. Bridge club, god help us all. Auto repair class? No, I don’t think this is a good fit. Good luck renting to the trailer people.

20.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

He HANGS UP.

CUT TO:

INT-LORELAI’S CAR-MOMENTS LATER

LORELAIWhat’s with Jess? The moping I get, but cleaning the stove?

LUKEHe’s confused about women. It helps him somehow. I can’t argue with it.

LORELAIConfused about women would mean confused about Rory, right?

LUKEI guess. He doesn’t say much to me.

LORELAIHe doesn’t have to. Cleaning the stove -- the poor little heartless wretch is in love!

LUKEWhatever.

LORELAIAnd he’s jealous.

LUKELet me guess: Dean?

LORELAIBingo. Somehow I don’t think Jess is the type to take interlopers of any kind very well.

LUKESo Rory’s not talking to you either?

LORELAII just got the basic outline. He thinks she’s not over Dean yet.

LUKEHow could she be? It hasn’t been that long.

21.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIExactly! And that’s what you, as a guy, need to tell your nephew.

LUKEOh, no! Leave me out of this.

LORELAIHe needs like a father-son chat, Luke.

LUKEListen Lorelai, I don’t know that I’m ...

He is interrupted by the figure of TAYLOR, SPRAWLING OVER THE HOOD OF THE CAR as they stop at a stop sign.

LORELAITaylor! Good god, you’re the last person I’d expect to be car-jacked by!

Taylor crosses to Lorelai’s window

TAYLORLorelai! Luke! You’ve got to see it! It’s HORRIBLE!

LORELAIWhat?

LUKEWhat’s horrible?

TAYLORThe art, the, the, the sculpture. The thing we commissioned and spent $15,000 on!

LORELAIOh, right. The angel of Star’s Hollow or something, right?

TAYLORIt’s supposed to be installed in the square this week, but it’s HORRIBLE!

LORELAIOh, Taylor, it can’t be that bad.

22.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

TAYLOROh yes it can! It’s nothing like what the sketches looked like. This artist, this charlatan, his work will be the ruin of Stars Hollow.

LUKEThis I gotta see. What, is the angel wearing a thong or something?

TAYLORI wish! Underwear would be an improvement!

LORELAI(to LUKE)

I’m amazed Taylor knows a thong is underwear.

TAYLORYou two, you must come to our emergency session tonight. 7 o’clock. Our future rests on it!

We see him scurry off and ACCOST ANOTHER CAR behind them.

LORELAISuddenly, leaving town seems like a good thing.

LUKEDo we have to come back?

LORELAII guess it depends how long we can live on 5 pounds of sundried tomatoes and 30 pounds of tater tots.

CUT TO:

INT-INDEPENDENCE INN-AFTERNOON

Michel, looking very uncomfortable, is interviewing MRS. DOHERTY, a frumpy middle-aged woman, in the living room.

MRS. DOHERTYSo this Mr. Gilmore, what are his interests?

23.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

MICHELI don’t know. Money. Big houses. J. Press I suppose. He likes sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong.

MRS. DOHERTYAnd he’s rich, you say?

MICHELFilthy.

MRS. DOHERTYWell, he certainly doesn’t sound like a candidate for a retirement home like Sunnyville, Mr. Gerard.

MICHELI know that. I was just wondering if you might have some ideas about what retired people do to, to fill out their days before they die. And no shuffleboard!

MRS. DOHERTYMr. Gerard, retired people are not horses to be put out to pasture, or numbers on a page waiting just to die!

MICHELOh, but they are! This is why I hope to die young. To spare myself the existential dread of having outlived my usefulness. It’s all so horrible.

MRS. DOHERTY(rising)

Mr. Gerard, that was an excellent cup of tea, but you are a truly horrible young man. You should come by Sunnyville sometime and see that it’s not just “God’s waiting room.” Good day.

She EXITS

MICHELGod’s waiting room. That’s a good one.

CUT TO:

24.CONTINUED:

INT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN HALL-EVENING

Taylor is standing before a capacity crowd. In front is a large item covered with sheets. Next to it stands the artist, CHESTERFIELD. He is a study in stereotype: beret, pointy goatee, black clothes, wire-rimmed glasses. Late 20s. Lorelai, Rory and Luke sit in the audience.

LORELAIThat’s the artist?

RORYHe’s cute. In a slightly hilarious way.

LORELAIIt looks like he went into a uniform store and asked for the artist’s ensemble.

RORYYes. Um, I’d like to see your impressionist package ...

TAYLORGood evening and thank you for coming at the last minute to this extremely important meeting. We’re here tonight to talk about Mr. Chesterfield and his $15,000 boondoggle.

CHESTERFIELD(softly)

It’s not “Mr. Chesterfield.” Just “Chesterfield.”

(mostly to himself)One name, one vision.

TAYLOR(not hearing this, gesturing to drawings on an easel. They show a winged angel in flowing robes)

As you know, we commissioned a work from Mr. Chesterfield to put in the town square. He delivered these sketches of the “Forgiving Angel” to us and we approved the project based on what we saw, WHAT WE LIKED. Now ...

LUKEHere we go ...

25.

(CONTINUED)

TAYLOR...today, Mr. Chesterfield delivers this to us.

In one motion, Taylor WHISKS THE COVERING OFF THE STATUE. It is beautiful, very much like the drawing except for one thing: The angel’s LEFT BREAST IS EXPOSED. A voluminous MURMUR of appreciation and mild shock ripples through the audience. After a moment, the townsfolk weigh in in rapid fire succession.

MAN IN BACKAppalling!

BABETTEIt’s beautiful!

MRS. KIMDisgusting! Pornographic!

MISS PATTYI love it! It reminds me of my own youth!

Amid more general hubbub and commentary, we suddenly hear JESS at the back of the room.

JESSWhy’d he cover up one of them? I think they should both be set free.

Among those snapping around to see who said this is Rory, who makes EYE CONTACT with Jess, then quickly TURNS BACK AROUND. She chooses this moment to join the discussion. CHESTERFIELD at this point is cowering sort of behind his sculpture.

RORY(speaking loudly to gain attention)

Excuse me! Excuse me! This man has made a beautiful work of art for our town for a very small amount of money ...

TAYLORNow Rory, $15,000 is a heck of a lot of money to pay someone to just make a sculpture ...

RORYJust? Just make a sculpture? Chesterfield, how long have you been working on the Forgiving Angel?

26.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

CHESTERFIELDAbout eight months.

RORYAny other projects?

CHESTERFIELDNo. I’ve been working on this exclusively.

RORYAnd how much of the $15,000 has the town paid you so far?

CHESTERFIELD$5,000. I get the rest ... well, I was supposed to get the rest today when I delivered it.

RORYSo this man has been working for the past eight months exclusively on the Forgiving Angel for Stars Hollow, for the grand total of $15,000, only a third of which he’s been paid so far.

TAYLORBut that’s not the point. What about the nudity?

RORYThis sculpture was rendered in a classical style, and many classical art works show the human form in the buff, or partial buff. Has anyone seen Michelangelo's “David?”

MISS PATTYI have! Well, the one in Vegas, anyway. Hoo mama!

RORYRodin’s “The Thinker,” the Venus di Milo, Ruben’s nudes ...

JESSDegas’ bathers, Michelangelo's ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, the works of T.R. Braithwaite ...

RORYThanks. Good examples.

27.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

JESSPlayboy, Oui, Juggs, Hustler ...

RORYUm, NOT good examples.

TAYLORYou see?! Lump them all together and what have you got? Just shameless, prurient trash. The tourists will drop dead when they see this.

LORELAITaylor, given that most of our tourists are from big cities, I don’t think they’ll be that appalled. They’ll think she’s over-dressed.

RORYAnd you have to take it in context. Chesterfield’s angel isn’t in a suggestive pose of any kind.

LORELAIYeah. Even guys can’t get that excited about a body part carved from alabaster.

LUKE(to Lorelai)

Well, speak for yourself. I’m on fire for her!

Suddenly, LANE bursts in and rushes to Rory

LANERory! You’ve got to come quick. Dean’s been taken to the emergency room. His appendix or something.

Rory flings Lorelai a FRANTIC LOOK

LORELAIGo! Go! I’ll defend the cause here.

As she and Lane exit, Rory CATCHES THE EYE of Jess. She opens her mouth to speak, can’t think of anything to say and runs out the door.

28.CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)

End of Act Two

29.CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)

Act Three

INT-COUNTY HOSPITAL-NIGHT

Rory and Lane are in the WAITING ROOM

LANEWhat the heck is an appendix anyway?

RORYIt’s part of our digestive tract. No one’s quite sure what it’s supposed to be for.

LANEWell, that’s handy.

RORYScientists used to think it was a functionless part of our intestines left over from an earlier time. Like when we ate more grass or something.

LANEI hate grass.

RORYYou’ve had grass?

LANEWell, when I was a kid.

RORYAnyway, they think now that the appendix has a bigger role, especially in fetuses and in people our age. Something to do with the immune system, I think.

LANESo if they take Dean’s out, he’ll get more colds?

RORYUh, why don’t you ask the nurse. Here he comes.

A MALE NURSE in scrubs approaches

30.CONTINUED: (5)

(CONTINUED)

NURSEAre you ladies waiting to find out about our appendectomy case tonight?

RORYYes! How is he?

NURSEHe’s fine. His folks are in with him now. He’ll feel like he’s been hit by a truck for a few days, but he’ll be up and around in no time.

RORYPhewww!

LANECan we go see him?

NURSESure. Follow me.

CUT TO:

INT-HOSPITAL ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

A groggy DEAN lies in the bed with Rory over him and Lane in the background.

RORYHey.

DEANHey.

RORYYou look ... awful.

DEANThank you. You too.

RORYThanks. I was crying. Never a good look for a girl.

DEANTears for me? I’m amazed.

RORYDon’t be.

31.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

DEAN(after an awkward silence)

You don’t have to be here, Rory. I’m OK. But thanks.

RORYDean ...

DEANIt’s OK. Lane, thanks for coming. On your way out, could you send my mom back in?

LANESure, Dean. Feel better.

RORYYes, feel better.

Not quite knowing what to do, Rory TOUCHES Dean briefly on the leg, gives a weak smile and EXITS with Lane.

INT-COUNTY HOSPITAL-MOMENTS LATER

Rory and Lane are exiting the building

RORYWell, that could’ve gone better.

LANEWhat did you expect? Just because he’s sick doesn’t mean he forgot you dumped him.

RORYI didn’t dump him. That’s such a rotten word.

LANEOh, OK. You “traded him in.” You “exchanged” him. Whatever you want to call it.

RORYLane, please don’t ... I’ve got my current boyfriend AND my ex-boyfriend thinking I’m a heel. The only way it could get worse is if you turn on me too.

LANEActually, there’s one other way it could get worse.

32.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

RORYHow?

LANELook who’s standing vigil outside.

We follow their gaze OUTSIDE, where Jess is leaned against a post. The two girls approach him.

LANE (CONT’D)Hi Jess.

JESSSo, Rory Nightingale. How’s young Dean-o?

RORYYou could at least acknowledge Lane’s hello.

JESSYou could at least not spend all your time mooning over and visiting your ex-boyfriend. “EX” being the operative prefix.

RORYI never figured you for a stalker.

JESSI never figured you for a ...

RORYFor a what?

JESSNever mind.

RORYWell, in that case, good night.

LANE(merrily)

Good night Jess!

Jess SCOWLS as we

CUT TO:

INT-GILMORE HOUSE-LATER

Lorelai is on the PHONE

33.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LORELAI...and so visiting hours tomorrow start at 10? OK. But, so he’s stable and fine and everything? Great. Thank you.

She HANGS UP, checks her watch, sits down and picks up a magazine.

SFX: DOOR BELL

Lorelai goes to the door to find an agitated MICHEL

LORELAI (CONT’D)Michel!

MICHELYou must let me in!

LORELAISure Michel, but what ... I, wow ...

MICHELWhat?

LORELAIYou’re at my home. You’re just so out of context! It’s weird, it’s like you’re a visitor from another dimension.

MICHELI am a visitor from another dimension, the dimension known as “retirement for rich white people.”

LORELAIOh, cool! Sit down. Can I offer you a drink? I’ve got water, milk ...

MICHELOh, right, like I would have a glass of milk. Perhaps with some Nilla Wafers.

LORELAII could mix up some Kool Aid.

MICHELI would rather chew on a sock.

34.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIWell, OK, no drink then. Just tell me: what did you find out?

MICHELIt’s really quite simple: All the places and activities available out there for old people are for the ones who are not rich.

(he digs in his bag for brochures)

This place, Shadyview Farms, you live on fish sticks and shuffleboard, with an occasional bridge tournament.

LORELAIEwww ...

MICHELThis one is called Mount Restive and it features its own miniature golf course and senior field day every April. One of the featured daily actitivites is making potholders.

LORELAIOh dear ...

MICHELWhen I spoke to this woman who says she is a retirement consultant, she told me most rich people travel during their autumn years, clogging up the roads with their recreational vehicles or taking up good beach spaces on the Riviera.

LORELAIYeah, except my dad says he’s sick of traveling from his job. He wants to relax.

MICHELWell, I don’t know how you relax and keep from being bored, but I do have one important thing to ask you.

LORELAIWhat’s that?

35.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

MICHELHas what I’ve done so far been enough to keep you from having your father spend more time at the inn?

LORELAIBoy, I don’t know Michel ...

MICHELPlease! You cannot do this to me! I will go mad if he spends his days critiquing my guest service skills. The guests love me as I am!

LORELAIThey do seem to appreciate your snottiness and superiority.

MICHELIt is what makes them believe they are in a top-rated inn.

LORELAIIt IS a top-rated inn!

MICHELYes, because of my awful attitude.

(off her look)And, of course, your exceptional management skills.

LORELAIOK, Michel, you’re off the hook. Go run home and dry your eyes and practice being snotty.

MICHEL(happily)

Oh, I don’t have to practice in front of the mirror anymore like I used to. It flows naturally from me, like the voice of Pavarotti.

LORELAISpare me. And thanks for doing that research. I never realized money could be such a handicap when it comes to retirement.

Rory ENTERS as Michel EXITS. They exchange PUZZLED GLANCES.

36.CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAI (CONT’D)Hey! How’s Dean? I called over there after the meeting but they said visiting hours were over, so I’m going to go tomorrow.

Rory flops on the couch. Lorelai sits next to her.

RORYI’m not so sure that’s a great idea. You might be tarred with the same brush.

LORELAIUh-oh. He didn’t swoon with glee when he saw you, huh?

RORYNo. He acted like he wished I would just disappear or something. And then Jess was waiting outside the hospital ...

LORELAIBig uh-oh. And let me guess, he wasn’t holding a bouquet of roses.

RORYFar from it. He’s all mad that I went to see Dean.

LORELAICan you blame him?

RORYWhat’s this? Sticking up for Jess, the devil child?

LORELAII’m not sticking up for him Rory. I’m just ... try to see it from his perspective. People don’t like their significant others having anything to do with their exes.

RORYBut geez mom, he was in the hospital!

37.CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAII know, I know. And I don’t think you did the wrong thing paying him a visit. Or maybe you did. This is a tough one.

RORY“Go, go!” That’s what you told me.

LORELAIAmazing though this may sound, I’m not always right.

RORYIt’s just so frustrating. I feel like I’m in trouble for something I didn’t really do.

LORELAIReally? You made the decision to break up with Dean and be with Jess.

RORYYes, but ...

LORELAIDecisions like that come with consequences. However you rationalize your actions, it’s still going to look like a betrayal to Dean. He lost a beautiful, intelligent and wonderful girlfriend, and it wasn’t because he did anything wrong.

RORYMom ...

LORELAIHang on. And it’s not that you did anything wrong, either, Rory. You didn’t cheat on him, you told him how things were, and that’s just life. Some day, I’m sorry to say, some guy will dump you and you’ll know what it feels like. It sucks. It never seems to make sense. It hurts, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

38.CONTINUED: (5)

(CONTINUED)

RORYI didn’t want to hurt him.

LORELAIOf course you didn’t. But you have to realize and accept that you did, and that Dean’s never going to look at you the way he used to. The dumpee can’t ever trust the dumper once the dumping has occurred. And it’s hard for him to see you.

RORYThis ... is a hard lesson.

LORELAIIt is. You loved Dean, you may still love him. Emotions like that aren’t like light switches you can just flip on and off. You can’t help the way you feel, but you can try to manage those feelings.

RORYManage them?

LORELAITalk to Jess. Tell him the truth, that, yes, you still have feelings for Dean, but that you’re with him now and you will make him your first priority. Admit you made a mistake.

RORYOK, now you’re confusing me. I thought you hated Jess.

LORELAII don’t hate Jess. I don’t hate anyone, Rory. I don’t think he’s ... how do I phrase this? ... a very good people person. And I’m still really angry with him about the whole bracelet incident. But I respect you if you say there’s something in him you want to know, and regardless of whether it’s Jess or whoever down the road, these are issues you need to figure out.

39.CONTINUED: (6)

(CONTINUED)

RORYI’ll give it a try.How did you get so wise, O mother of mine?

They EMBRACE

LORELAIOh, thank you, but sweetie these are just words to try to help you. The real direction comes from your heart. And you have a great heart. I know you’ll do the right thing.

RORYOh, hey, what happened with Chesterfield’s angel?

LORELAIWell, in large part due to your spirited defense of artistic expression, the town council agreed to a trial period. One too many complaints about naked angel boobs and she’s outta there.

RORYYay! I wish I could’ve seen the look on Taylor’s face.

LORELAITaylor exploded. Literally. Pieces everywhere. They’ll be mopping up for weeks.

CUT TO:

EXT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE-MORNING

CHESTERFIELD is fussing around the sculpture. KIRK arrives with a big SIGN reading: NO PORN IN STARS HOLLOW. He begins PACING up and down as Rory and Lorelai pass on their way to LUKE’S.

LORELAIOh, hey, Kirk. Top of the morning to you.

KIRKDon’t mock me, Lorelai.

LORELAIHow is saying “top of the morning to you” mocking you?

40.CONTINUED: (7)

(CONTINUED)

KIRKYou never say “top of the morning” to anyone. Your inflection, the look on your face, all tell me you don’t approve of my actions.

RORYNo, Kirk, we fully support your expressing your opinion in accordance with the first amendment.

LORELAIYes, we wouldn’t have it any other way. I actually think you look rather sexy with that sign.

RORYYes! You’re a man to be reckoned with. Chicks dig that.

KIRKReally?

LORELAINo, Kirk, not really.

They continue WALKING

RORYWay to go, Chesterfield!

LORELAIWoo-hoo! Down with censorship! Up with bare angel breasts!

KIRKYou just wait until the rest of my posse shows up! Decency will prevail.

RORYSince when does Kirk care about decency?

LORELAISince he learned Taylor’s explanation of it. Kirk figures he better toe the company line if he wants to keep his job with Taylor Inc.

41.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

They ENTER LUKE’S. Jess takes one look at Rory and DISAPPEARS into the back.

LUKEThat’s some effect you have on Jess, Rory. And I thought only my classic rock station could get him moving so fast in the opposite direction.

LORELAIAh, well, you know Luke, the travails of young love.

LUKETravails or not, I’ve got too many customers to do without him. Be right back.

CUT TO:

INT-LUKE’S BACK ROOM-MOMENTS LATER

LUKEJess, I need you out front.

JESSNo, you don’t.

LUKEUh, yes, I do.

JESSI’m OK back here.

LUKEJess, look, I know you’re having some kind of fight with Rory but ...

JESSWhat? There’s no fight. Just stay out of it.

LUKEOK, I’ll stay out of it if you get back in it. Get your butt out there and bus some tables.

Luke turns to leave, then turns back

LUKE (CONT’D)And hey, Jess? Cut Rory some slack. She’s just a kid.

42.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

JESSWay to stay out of it.

LUKEYeah, well, sometimes you gotta have these heart-to-heart talks with your annoying nephews.

JESSI’m touched.

Luke returns to the FRONT, as does Jess, who works hard to be as far away from Rory as possible.

LUKE (CONT’D)(pouring coffee)

Sorry about that. I hope you guys can patch things up soon Rory. Your presence is really impacting my table bussing.

RORYSorry. Just need my coffee and I’ll be out of the way. See ya!

LORELAIBye! Write if you find work!

(to Luke)I need big coffee, big pancakes, I’m making a big phone call.

LUKEWho’s the lucky guy?

LORELAIMy dad. I’m going to try to talk to him about the meaning of life after a career of corporate skullduggery.

LUKESounds heavy. Good luck. Pancakes on the way.

LORELAIThanks! Oh, hey, did you have that heart-to-heart with Jess.

LUKEYeah.

LORELAIHow’d it go?

43.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LUKEWe talked. We cried. We hugged. We split a pint of ice cream and it’s all better now.

LORELAIHey, never mock the healing powers of ice cream!

She SITS, picks up PHONE and DIALS

LORELAI (CONT’D)Hi, it’s Lorelai Gilmore. May I speak with my father please? Thanks. Dad? Hi. It’s me, your favorite daughter.

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARDLorelai!? To what do I owe the honor of this unexpected call?

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LORELAIOh, just wanted to see how you’re doing and all that, what you’re up to. I was just wondering, y’know, what you’re doing to fill your days.

(she winces at this phrase)

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARDOh, nothing much Lorelai. Right now I’m reading the paper. In a little while I’ll probably go for a walk. I’ll kill some time until lunch, then maybe head over to the club. It’s all pretty mundane, even frightfully boring. But don’t worry, I’m not poking my nose in your mother’s business anymore, if that’s what this call is about.

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LORELAIOh, no, not at all. I just, I worry about you, Dad, and I did a little ... research for you.

44.CONTINUED: (2)

(MORE)(CONTINUED)

Yes, looking into what people typically do with themselves when they retire. Unfortunately, I don’t think much of it applies to you. It’s mostly shuffleboard and bridge clubs and pot-luck dinners at 4 in the afternoon and that sort of thing.

INT-RICHARDS’S STUDY-SIMULTANEOUS

RICHARDLorelai, thank you for your concern, but I’m reasonably sure I can be bored to tears without any more input from you and your mother, maneuvering behind the scenes. I may be irrelevant, but I’m not a fool, and I resent being treated like one. Good bye.

He HANGS UP

INT-LUKE’S-SIMULTANEOUS

LUKE(off her look)

That didn’t go well?

LORELAINo, it did not. If it’s possible, I’ve just made my father’s life even more miserable. God, why can’t my mother just leave the poor guy alone?

LUKEWomen can’t leave poor guys alone. If I were retired, I’d be happy to just chill out. Your dad’s a smart guy. Something’ll come to him.

LORELAII was just trying to help. Why does life have to be so complicated?

LUKEBecause it involves humans.

LORELAII need some good news.

45.CONTINUED:

LORELAI (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)

LUKEPancakes are almost ready.

LORELAIYippee! Anything else?

LUKEI’ve got some stale jelly doughnuts you can throw at Kirk if you want.

LORELAI No, you. I haven’t got the energy.

Luke shrugs, STEPS TO THE DOOR, opens it and THROWS A DOUGHNUT.

LORELAI (CONT’D)Did you get him?

LUKENo, but I was close enough that he was able to stoop down and start eating it.

LORELAIWell, that’s a victory of sorts.

LUKEHope it cheered you up.

LORELAIYou always cheer me up. Well, almost always.

LUKEThanks. You better go manage that inn while I spread more cheer.

KIRK pops his head in, holding a HALF-EATEN DOUGHNUT

KIRKLuke! This doughnut you gave me is totally stale.

LUKEThen why’d you eat half of it?

LORELAIAnd he threw it at you, Kirk, he didn’t give it to you. There’s a subtle message in there, when people hurl stale bakery products at you.

46.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

KIRKWell, it’s still more than anyone’s done for me lately.

LUKESee what I mean? Humans.

LORELAIWe’re a messy bunch.

KIRKWhat?

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

47.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

ACT FOUR

EXT-STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE-AFTERNOON

A CROWD is gathered around the Forgiving Angel sculpture. There’s a bit of a festival atmosphere: KIRK still paces with his SIGN, MISS PATTY is playing music and dancing with any MEN who come near, JACKSON and SOOKIE are holding hands looking up at the sculpture, and TAYLOR is talking to a well-heeled older couple from Manhattan.

TAYLORDisgusting, isn’t it?

MAN FROM CITYWhat?

TAYLORThis “artwork.” This abomination!

WOMAN FROM CITYWhatever do you mean, sir? I can’t recall ever seeing such a nice piece of public art in such a small town.

TAYLORReally? Well, what do you know?

MAN FROM CITYWell, we’ve been on the board at the Whitney for years. Laura here has her PhD in art history from Princeton.

TAYLORSo ... you’re tourists, just visiting?

MAN FROM CITYYes.

TAYLORAnd you’re not offended by the nudity?

WOMAN FROM CITYHeavens no! In fact, a few more pieces of this quality will put Stars Hollow on the list we compile for museum donors who mix art-spotting with their weekend antiquing.

48.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

TAYLORReally? Excuse me a moment.

Taylor sidles up to Kirk

TAYLOR (CONT’D)OK, Kirk, fun’s over.

KIRKWhat?

TAYLORIx-nay on the ign-say!

KIRKHuh?

TAYLORFor god’s sakes Kirk, put the damn sign down!

KIRKBut what about my first amendment rights?

TAYLORLook Kirk, I put you out here, now I’m ordering you to stand down.

KIRKBut this is the most attention I’ve ever gotten! I’m like a hero around here now.

Taylor whips out a 20 and presses it into KIRK’s HAND

TAYLORHere, go buy yourself a cape, hero.

Kirk POCKETS the 20 but continues pacing. Taylor finally just GRABS THE SIGN, BREAKS IT AND THROWS IT TO THE GROUND amid cheering from the crowd.

49.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

TAYLOR (CONT’D)Thank you! Thank you everyone! I think Kirk has made his point, but it’s time for all of us to move on and recognize that, even if we don’t all agree with the, er, artistic merit of Mr. Chesterfield’s work, there’s still room in our fair berg for different kinds of, er, expression.

ANGLE ON RORY and LANE, standing near the back

LANEThat’s weird. What could’ve possibly made Taylor change his mind about the sculpture?

RORYMoney. That’s the only thing that motivates Taylor on anything. He probably talked to some tourists who liked Chesterfield’s piece.

LANEIt’s not that bad. Plus, I like it because my mom hates it.

We HEAR Jess before we see him

JESSA woman after my own heart.

LANEOh, hi Jess.

JESS(pointedly)

Hello Lane. Hello Rory.

RORYJess.

LANEWell, I’m going to go stand closer to the sculpture. People are saying she has magical powers to help you forgive, and if I’m going to ever get ungrounded, I’ll need all the help I can get.

50.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

RORYOK. See you later.

(to JESS)Thank you.

JESSFor what?

RORYFor recognizing Lane’s existence, for being so exceedingly civil as to say “hello.” It was a big step for you.

JESSI have a bigger one.

RORYReally? You’re not going all soft on me are you? Not sure I could handle that.

JESSI’m sorry.

RORYWhat? Why are you sorry? I’m the one who messed up. I’m sorry. I really am.

JESSYou didn’t do anything wrong. Dean’s not a bad guy, he was in the hospital, you went to see him. No big deal.

RORYThere’s more to it than that. I should’ve checked with you first.

JESSOK. Yeah, that would’ve been nice. And I could’ve reacted differently. Storming off, it’s sort of a trademark of mine.

RORYSo, truce?

JESSOh, we can do better than truce.

He plants a BIG KISS on her lips as Luke and Lorelai approach.

51.CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)

LUKEOh, thank god. The sulking will drop back down to Level 3.

LORELAIThat Level 5 stuff was killing you, eh?

LUKEHe made Achilles look like a good sport.

LORELAIOoh, fancy literary allusion.

LUKEThe Iliad was the ONE book I did read in high school.

LORELAIWell, looks like you two have made up.

RORYJust don’t say anything about “love birds” or our movie date tonight is off!

LORELAIOK, OK, no love bird references. But look, Luke, aren’t they just like a little Romeo and Juliet ... without the double suicide ending, of course.

RORYThat’s it, you’re on your own tonight.

LORELAIOh, I am slain! So what happened to Kirk? No sign, no pacing, he looks even more disgruntled than usual.

RORYThe real story lies with Taylor. I was just getting ready to investigate.

LORELAICool. I’ll join you.

52.CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)

LUKEI’ve got to go clean my griddle.

JESSI’ll help.

Luke and Jess EXIT

LORELAIThat’s guy-speak for “we’d rather have our fingernails pulled out with pliers than be anywhere near Kirk and Taylor.”

RORYOh, thanks for the translation.

ANGLE ON TAYLOR in front of the sculpture. CHESTERFIELD regards him warily.

TAYLORWell, Mr. Chesterfield, it looks like you’re satisfied now, eh?

CHESTERFIELDOh, yes, thank you Mr. Taylor. I’m very happy.

TAYLORIt’s not “Mr. Taylor,” it’s just Taylor.

CHESTERFIELDYes, kind of like I’m just “Chesterfield,” not “Mr. Chesterfield.”

TAYLORI see. OK, OK, I’m sorry ... Chesterfield. I see your point.

Taylor looks up at the ANGEL. We see a CLOSE-UP of its eyes. They seem to affect Taylor.

TAYLOR (CONT’D)And Chesterfield, I just want to, um, I want to apologize for knocking your sculpture. It’s really very, uh, beautiful, even with the um, the ... oh, you know.

Lorelai and Rory approach from behind

53.CONTINUED: (5)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIBetcha still wish you could strap a tube-top on the old girl, don’t you Taylor?

RORYOr maybe a nice winter coat over her shoulders.

TAYLORWhat can I do for you ladies?

LORELAIOh, nothing. We’re just here to witness the amazing powers of the Forgiving Angel ...

RORYAnd her breast of contrition.

TAYLORAmazing powers had nothing to do with it. I simply felt Mr., er, Chesterfield, just Chesterfield here deserved some praise from the mayor himself.

LORELAIAt least until some more tourists weigh in on Miss Mono Boob, eh?

TAYLORNever you mind, Lorelai! Indeed, what would someone who runs an inn care what the tourists think of our town.

Taylor LEAVES in a huff

LORELAINice job, Chesterfield. You got your sculpture in place AND managed to embarrass the snot out of Taylor.

CHESTERFIELDThank you, although that wasn’t my intent.

Lorelai is AMAZED to see RICHARD APPROACHING

LORELAIDad?!

54.CONTINUED: (6)

(CONTINUED)

RICHARDHello Lorelai, Rory.

LORELAIDad, what brings you up to Stars Hollow?

RICHARDIs it so amazing that I should visit the home of my daughter and granddaughter?

LORELAIWell, no, but ...

RICHARDActually Lorelai, I came to apologize ...

MEANINGFUL LOOKS are exchanged vis-a-vis the ANGEL

RICHARD (CONT’D)...for getting so upset with you on the phone this morning. I know you mean well. It’s just that ...

LORELAIYou don’t have to explain dad. I know. And I’m sorry too.

More MEANINGFUL LOOKS

LORELAI (CONT’D)I promise I’ll stay out of your retirement.

RICHARDThank you, Lorelai.

(noticing the Angel)Good god! What’s this?

RORYIt’s our new artwork, the Forgiving Angel. What do you think?

RICHARDThis is, this is unbelievable! What a marvelous sculpture. And here in Stars Hollow?

LORELAIYeah, usually we just have the figurines carved out of Velveeta.

55.CONTINUED: (7)

(CONTINUED)

RICHARDWhere did you ... who created this chef d’oevre?

LORELAIChesterfield!

RORYChesterfield!

CHESTERFIELDThat’s me.

RICHARDWell, young man, you are to be commended. Why, just the other day I was talking to a friend at the club, and we discussed the terrible state of American art, particular in regard to sculpture. Good stone sculptors are just about extinct in this country, and look here, right in our backyard we have a budding master.

CHESTERFIELDThank you! Thank you very much.

RICHARDHave you done many works of this size?

CHESTERFIELDActually, this is my first big piece. I’ve been doing table-top up until now.

RICHARDSo, what’s your next commission?

CHESTERFIELDUm, I don’t have one.

RICHARDYou don’t have one! Young man, you have got to follow up on this with something immediately. Immediately!

CHESTERFIELDYes, sir.

56.CONTINUED: (8)

(CONTINUED)

RICHARDWe’ve got to get you out there, your work must be known. Do you have an agent?

CHESTERFIELDNo, sir.

RICHARDWell, you must get an agent immediately. An agent can find you work, take care of the business end of things. You need someone with strong connections to the art world, strong connections to money, to people and institutions that can finance your work and pay you what it’s worth.

CHESTERFIELDYes, sir. It’s just hard. I work all day in a photo lab, and a I sculpt at night.

RICHARDLorelai, did you hear that? Works in a photo lab! It’s like Melville in the patent office all over again.

LORELAIHuh?

RICHARD We’ve got to get this young man some exposure!

(beat)I tell you what: I will be his agent!

LORELAIWhat?!

RICHARDYes, I shall represent Chesterfield. I’ve got the contacts, I’ve got the time, I’ve got a great love of art.

57.CONTINUED: (9)

(CONTINUED)

RORYI think that’s wonderful, grandpa. But I think you should ask Chesterfield first.

RICHARDOh, yes, of course. Chesterfield, I’ve got a proposition for you ...

RICHARD and CHESTERFIELD walk off

Rory and Lorelai LOOK UP at the ANGEL

LORELAIDo you think this thing could help me win the lottery?

RORYI could use some help with physics.

LORELAISo, OK, we’ll have Chesterfield’s agent have him do a Powerball and physics angel next.

RORYSounds good. Although as long as there are men around, you can’t have too many Forgiving Angels, in my opinion.

LORELAIAmen to that, sister.

CUT TO:

INT-LUKE’S-THE NEXT MORNING

Lorelai and Rory ENTER. Lorelai is holding the NEWSPAPER. Luke sees them coming.

LUKEOh no. Give me strength!

LORELAIHey,

(consulting paper)“Griddle Wizard.” What’s shakin’?

LUKEGive me a break.

58.CONTINUED: (10)

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIGee, that doesn’t sound like the “gruffly congenial service proffered by Luke Danes” we read about in the paper.

LUKEDon’t believe everything you read in the paper.

RORY(also looking at paper)

Well, at least he’s the “hirsute, avuncular presence that helps make Luke’s a decided step up from Denny’s.”

LUKEDenny’s!? What’s hirsute?

Jess ENTERS from back

JESSIt means “hairy.” I told you to shave your back, Luke.

LUKEYou, in the back. Peel another bushel of potatoes. With your teeth.

RORYCan I help?

JESSOnly if you don’t give away any of my tuber-peeling secrets.

(he makes a sort-of beaver motion with his teeth)

Jess and Rory exit

LORELAIC’mon Luke, don’t look so down. What’s a little teasing in the face of this kind of publicity?

LUKEI don’t want publicity, I don’t need publicity. I don’t know why I agreed to let them do this story. I mean, look at me in this picture. I look like some kind of felon.

59.CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)

LORELAIWell, a felon with a cute grimace, anyway.

LUKEWell, at least I can send it to my mom. She’ll love it.

LORELAIOh, c’mon Luke. Why can’t you just admit that it’s neat to be written up in the paper? It won’t kill you. And they didn’t say anything really stupid or cheesy.

LUKENo?

LORELAIWell, except for this line about how your pancakes are “lighter than your wallet after a trip to Disneyland.”

LUKEThat’s good, right?

LORELAIYes! You’ve built a great place here, Luke. This article really sums up what’s cool about Luke’s.

LUKEIt does?

LORELAIYes!

LUKEOK, then ... just OK. I won’t gripe about it anymore.

LORELAIGood.

LUKEYou know, I’ve uh, I’ve built a decent place here ....

LORELAIGood, making progress ....

60.CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)

LUKEAnd I like what I do. I like seeing everyone and hearing what’s going on, and I like that people like you are dependent on me for coffee and pancakes.

LORELAISee?

LUKE(looking around)

It’s a small world, but it’s MY small world.

LORELAIYep.

She puts her arm around his SHOULDER, he reciprocates, and they look around at all the contented diners as we

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF SHOW

61.CONTINUED: (3)