Get Out Of Your Own Way at Work
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Transcript of Get Out Of Your Own Way at Work
Get Out of Your Own Way at Work
and Help Others Do the Samewith
Dr. Mark Goulston
©2005 Mark Goulston
Warren Buffett’s Key to Success
Everybody here has the ability to do anything I do and much beyond. Some of you will and some of you won’t. For those who won’t, it will be because you GET IN YOUR OWN WAY not because the world doesn’t allow you.
- Warren Buffett
Speaking at the University of Washington
How do you get in your own way?
By engaging in actions that derail you from achieving your goals
Those actions are Self-Defeating Behaviors (SDB)
Take the that’s me or someone I work with quiz…(a.k.a. 7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People)
That’s Me Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______
Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________% attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
Take the “That’s me or someone I work with” quiz…(okay, you get to be a blamer, but just for a moment)
That’s someone I work with Yes Procrastinating ______ Getting Defensive ______ Wasting Time ______ Quitting too soon ______ Being unprepared ______ Not listening ______ Not learning from mistakes ______
Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________% attendees (in each category): Zero ___________ 1-3 ____________ 4 or more ___________
Take the “If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDB’s” big payoff quiz
If I and someone I work with stopped and overcame our SDB’s:
Productivity would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________
Job satisfaction would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________
______ Self-esteem would increase: Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________ % attendees (in each category): Not at all _________ Somewhat ________ Greatly __________
What do…
Bob Eckert, CEO of Mattel Leonard Kleinrock, creator of the Internet Jim Sinegal, CEO of Costco
Have in common?
They each achieved enormous success because…
They learned how to get out of their own way:
Bob Eckert learned to NOT panic
What Bob Eckert learned…
USABLE INSIGHT: When you focus on what needs to be done today and then just do it, you stop being afraid of what might happen tomorrow.
They each achieved enormous success because…
They learned how to get out of their own way:
Leonard Kleinrock learned to NOT set his expectations too low
What Leonard Kleinrock learned…
USABLE INSIGHT: Set your expectations high early in your career or job. If you reach them, you’ll become more confident; if you don’t, you’ll become stronger.
They each achieved enormous success because…
They learned how to get out of their own way:
Jim Sinegal learned to listen instead of rebel
=
What Jim Sinegal learned…
USABLE INSIGHT: Don’t confuse someone trying to help you with someone trying to control you.
Why do you engage in SDB’s?
It’s a distress reliever Do you know the difference between stress and
distress?
- Stress challenges you
- Distress overwhelms you
SDB’s relieve Distress
You reach for relief
But you let go of your goals
SDB is more damaging than you could imagine
Competitors without SDB’s pass you by
Promotions and pay raises pass you by
Team members get angry at you
You get angry at you
How do you develop SDB?
All through life you step into the unknown– When it goes well you feel
powerful and invincible
Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts
2 steps forward, 1 step back
Birth First Breath Awake Sleep Through Night Crawling First Step Stay at Home First Day of Pre-School Elementary School Middle School Middle School High School
High School College College Career
Where Self-Defeating Behavior Starts
When you fall, you feel helpless and you look back to your support system– Development psychologists call it
“rapprochement” (French for looking back and connecting)
What do you see when you look back?
Coddling – You’re bailed out.
Criticism – You’re belittled.
Neglect – You’re ignored.
How Self-Defeating Behavior DevelopsCoddling Parent
CODDLED
tantrums
(“Do it for me”)
Spoiled
Compulsions
Y O U R A D U L T L I F E
LOST
How Self-Defeating Behavior DevelopsCritical Parent
CRITICISED
hurt/anger
(“I’ll show you”)
Hostile
Blaming
Y O U R A D U L T L I F E
BITTER
How Self-Defeating Behavior DevelopsNeglectful Parent
NEGLECTED fear
(“It’ll never work”)
Defeatist
Avoidance
Y O U R A D U L T L I F E
EMPTY
What would your life turn out to be…
if you internalized your parents’ Coddling, Critical or Neglectful response to you
into your personality?
W A S T E D
But what if you looked back and …
Instead of being Coddled, Criticized or Neglected
You received…
S U P P O R T
How Successful Behavior DevelopsSupportive Parent
SUPPORTED
confidence
(“I can do it”)
Motivated
Determination
Y O U R A D U L T L I F E
SATISFIED
And if you felt satisfied…
Instead of your life being WASTED
It would be…
FULFILLED
It’s never too late to stop and overcome SDB
R e a d y
A i m
O v e r c o m e
Next time you mess up…
Take out an index card and write down:– “If I had this to do over again, instead of what
I did, I would have done ______.– If I had done ________, it would have
prevented these negative consequences because ___________.
– The best way to catch myself before I engage in this SDB and then try this alternate behavior would be to ______________.”
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 1: Pick out people you want to help
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 2: Tell them you’re trying to change.
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 3: Pick 1- 2 SDB’s to overcome
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 4: Get “buy in”
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both see
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 6: Follow up
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 7: Invite them to overcome their SDB’s
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 8: Select additional SDB’s to overcome
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 9: Celebrate success
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 10: Spread the word
Eight Steps to Help Others Get Out of Their Own Way
Step 1: Pick out people you want to helpStep 2: Tell them you’re trying to changeStep 3: Pick 1-2 SDB’s to overcomeStep 4: Get “buy in”Step 5: Make new behavior something you can both seeStep 6: Follow upStep 7: Invite them to overcome their SDB’sStep 8: Select additional SDB’s to overcomeStep 9: Celebrate successStep 10: Spread the word
And PERSEVERE because…
It takes a month for a change in behavior to become a habit
and a minimum of 6 months for that habit to become part of your personality—YOUR new successful personality.
How would you like follow-up from Mark?
Yes, I would like an executive summary of today’s presentation
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