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78 f ym w
f ym w 79
FUCK YEAH MENSWEAR’S
ELEVEN* ESSENTIALS
*Exactly one essential better than your average “Ten Essentials List.”
f ym w 81
f lipping through my father’s old yearbooks, drinking in his
youth as he had drunk in mine, the wind was knocked out
of me. Here was a young chap, with much more hair than he
has now, with his entire life ahead of him. Before he broke his leg in
the championship game. Before he knocked up my mother. Before
he got sued for sexual harassment while working in the coal mines.
Before the bitter divorce. Before he started to
drink the pain away. This was a boy
whose face was fresh with youth. A
boy on the cusp of manhood. Here was
someone whom I had never known.
Someone I wished to meet. w ith his
collar buttoned down, his sleeves
rolled up, and the edges frayed, he was
me. And I was him. I called out. No
response. I called again. And again, no
response. I exhaled just before tucking
away the broken dreams of a broken
man as I do an unruly shirttail.
No . 1
Oxford Cloth Button-Down
f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS
f ym w 91
SATs. Perfect score. Secret Society. Initiated. Graduation.
Summa cum laude. Job interview. Stock options. f irst
date. f ucked her. f ucked her twice. meet the parents.
Glowing reviews. Sit down and have a serious discussion about
having children. Triplets. Open house. Escrow.
mounting pressures. Handled like a
mature adult. Rumors of layoffs.
Bonus. Coaching Little League.
Championship. Kids growing
up before your eyes. Cry,
but manly. Back nine. 5
handicap. Retire. Palm
Beach. Grandchildren.
Rhodes Scholars. Die
a painless natural
death. Buried in my
navy sportcoat.
No . 6
Navy Sportcoat
f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS
f ym w 93
w hile I started smoking at thirteen, my Ray-Bans have
been my signature of cool since I was old enough to
walk. They hid my tears when Charlene broke up with
me in the 5th grade. They hid my tears just as well when Charlene
broke up with me again in the 6th grade. And they hid my tears once
again, years later, when Charlene delivered the heartbreaking news
that my dear grandfather was mauled to death by a cougar while out
traversing the Sierra madres. Not just for blocking emotion, but for
blocking the cruel rays from above, my w ayfarers have accompanied
me everywhere the light shines on my adventures. Just remember, a
gentleman only wears his sunglasses inside if he’s crying.
No . 7
Ray-Bans
f UCK y EAH m ENSw EAR’S ELEVEN ESSENTIALS