PowerPoint Show by Andrew

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going.

Never have children, only grandchildren.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe kids should be given homework.

Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your kids.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.

As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.

A person soon learns how little she knows when a child begins to ask questions.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Teenagers complain there’s nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.

The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn’t getting enough sleep.

When you have brought up kids, there are memories you store directly in your tear ducts.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher.