Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine July 2013

Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE!

FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

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2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013

BIZ by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK by MARK PARISI CAPTION CONTEST

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Nancy Matthews, 66, of Camden, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “What’s he scared of? We just needed a door for our

cave!” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: [email protected] and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the

winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Spring is a great time to get out and support our local businesses,run by our neighbors and friends.

They depend on us for our business and we depend on them.They are the backbone of a vital, sustainable local economy.

Shop & Dine Local

Shop Thoughtfully. Shop Locally.

2013

Chris & Heather [email protected] | [email protected]

www.funnies-extra-maine.com

91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921

(Chris) 207.557.3251 (Heather) 207.557.3261

Deadlines: Thurs during prior week of Wed circulationOffice Hours: Monday - Friday, 9-5 Eastern Time

FUNNIES EXTRA!, LLC6822 22nd Avenue North, #134, St. Petersburg, FL 33710

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[email protected]

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© 2012 Funnies Extra!, LLC. All rights reserved.

The views and opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher, advertisers or employees of NachoTree Print & Digital Design. NachoTree Print & Digital Design is not responsible for any advertising errors beyond the first printing of any Display Ad. Additional contributor informa-tion can be found on the website URL’s above. Contents of this publication may not be reproduced or copied without permission from Funnies Extra, LLC.

print & digital design

VOL 2 ED 5 - JULY 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3

BC by MASTROIANNI AND HART

TUNDRA by CHAD CARPENTER

EEK! by SCOTT NICKEL

MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM by MIKE PETERS


Country Styles

161 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks

207.722.3551

FAMILY HAIR CARE

FACT OR FICTION?

*Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason. *Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head. *Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct

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© 2011 Brian Martin / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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FRANK AND STEINWAY by WIL PANGANIBAN

FUNNY PAPER by DANIEL COLLINS

AGAINST THE GRAIN by RON THERIEN


© 2011 Daniel Collins / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

© 2011 Wil Panganiban / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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*Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under his cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings. *Almonds are a member of the peach family.

* All porcupines fl oat in water.

FACT OR FICTION?

PLANNING A WEDDING, PARTY, REUNION OR CORPORATE EVENT?

The sky's the limit and we will help you make some History, at Fort Knox and the Observatory.

Now Booking for 2013

PHONE 207-469-6553, EMAIL [email protected] SITE: FORTKNOX.MAINEGUIDE.COM

©2011 Mia Vonne / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Visit funnies-extra-maine.comClick the ‘Read Online’ link.

143 High Street, Belfast, ME 04915

207.338.3500 x121 (office) 207.322.3392 (mobile)

207.338.0192 (fax) 800.860.0528 (toll free)

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JUDY BROSSMERJUDY [email protected]

WORD FIND Funny ComicsBY MIA VONNE


CRANKY GIRL by CRYSTAL JONES

SQUID ROW by BRIDGETT SPICER


FUNNIES EXTRA IS PRINTED IN MAINE,KEEPING MONEY IN THE STATE


FACEBOOK: /NachoTreeTWITTER: /NachoTreeDesign

Garden Celebratingthe people

who grow stuff and the stuff they grow.

© 2011 Campbell & Schotsch / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

FUTURE SHOCK by JIM & PAT McGREAL

THAT MONKEY TUNE by MICHAEL KANDALAFT

DINGERS by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH




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12 Purple Heart Highway, Brooks

722-3236

Discover why we receivedawards in 6 categories inBangor Metro Magazine

photo by Georges Nashan

James A. Oshetski, DDS, DICOI | General, Implant and Sedation Dentistry

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WIZARD OF ID by PARKER & MASTROIANNI & HART

HOLY MOLÉ by RICK HOTTON

DOGS OF C-KENNEL by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI

HALF BAKED by RICK ELLISDistributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC


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NachoTree Print and Funnies ExtrHeather Quimby | Sales207.557.3261 | heather@


THE OTHER COAST by ADRIAN RAESIDE

RALF THE DESTROYER by SCOTT LINCOLN

SUNSHINE STATE by GRAHAM NOLAN

PICKLES by BRIAN CRANED

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s of copies consumed monthlyy full-color advertisingve ratesssional ad designders

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(This column was originally written in 2006.)

Sometimes I feel like a moron, but people tell me I’m fi ne. Sometimes I feel fi ne, but people tell me I’m a moron. I’m not sure whose opinion I should trust. I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life re-searching this important topic. I began collecting data this morning and the early score is: MORON: 1 NOT MORON: 0 I know I shouldn’t be too alarmed. This contest has just begun, but you should know that I am quite concerned that, if the season ended today, I would be scientifi cally clas-sifi ed as a moron, putting to rest any chance of not being a moron, which is what I would prefer. Perhaps I should explain how moron jumped to an early lead: I was in my bedroom doing

pushups when the mother of one of my daughter’s friends arrived to drop off her daugh-ter. I came out to get a drink of water while she spoke to my wife in the living room. Now, just to clarify, archi-tects often refer to the living room as the great room, but I think that’s moronic. I don’t think they should be able to make value judgments about various rooms. In fact, my liv-ing room is not that great at all. If I were going to call anything a “great room” it would be my bedroom. Truthfully, my bed-room is nothing to write home about, but my bed is in it. I sleep in my bed. Sleeping is wonderful. I did a bunch of it just last night, but, as you will soon learn, perhaps not quite enough. The woman speaking to my wife looked in my direction, referred to me by name, gave her name and said that it was nice to meet me. I have been forcing myself of late, when meeting others, to look them in the eyes and give them a fi rm handshake. I immediately made my way

towards her to charm her with my calculated people skills. When I was only six inches from this woman, while look-ing her in the eyes and with my right hand fully extended into classic handshaking form, my big toe on my bare right foot gripped the carpet, folded up under my foot and sent me immediately to the ground. My eyes that were previ-ously directed at hers were now pointed to the ground, which was now much closer to my head than it was just one second before. My hand that was just extended into impres-sive handshaking shape now grabbed onto my big, idiot toe. When I dared to look up, my wife had her hand over her mouth, possibly to express sympathy after my accident, but probably just to suppress her laughter. The lady I was attempting to impress seemed overwhelmed by the situation. How do you prepare yourself for something like this? What’s the correct thing to say? I quickly got back up, said, “Now let’s try this again.” I hid my pain behind a smiling face

and shook her hand as I told her that it was nice to meet her. I have learned in standup com-edy that if you have a strong opening and conclusion that people usually forget the stuff in the middle. Unfortunately, this was not standup comedy. It wasn’t even standing up. And just to express how seriously screwed up my mind has become of late, I need to tell you that my ultimate con-cern was not whether my toe was broken or with my dorky attempt at hospitality. I was relieved to have fi nally found a topic for this humor column. If my readers are to learn anything from this embarrass-ing situation it is that each one of you should start writ-ing your own humor column. Then, whenever you do some-thing moronic, you will imme-diately benefi t from it. Plus, I can read about it and feel better about the stupid things that I do. Hey! That’s a pretty great idea! MORON: 1 NOT MORON: 1

Am I A Moron?

by Chris Quimby

Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at [email protected] or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

A Message from the Publisher Guy

Swanville, ME(207)338-4586

www.mooressepticinc.com

“Great news! You don’t have to worryabout the solvency of social security!”

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HOXWINDER HALL by DANIEL BORIS

15 MINUTES by ROBERT DUCKETT


© 2011 Robert Duckett / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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*Ben and Jerry’s send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one fl avor: Mint Oreo. *Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

*”Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt.”

FACT OR FICTION?

207.217.2534cdcomputerroom.com | [email protected]

Repair/TroubleshootingVirus/Spyware Removal

Software InstallationHardware Installation

Wireless/Wired NetworkingTraining/Tutoring

System Upgrades/UpdatesData Backup

Data RecoveryRemote Support

More experience. Less expensive.

Professional Repair

iPhone | iPod | iPad

CRIME-QUIZ by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN THIN LINES by Randy Glasbergen


© 2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Contact Funnies Extra Headquartersfor information on starting your own lucrativeFunnies Extra! publishing business. Hurry!

Limited licensing opportunities availablein select territories across the U.S. and Canada.

For details, go to: www.funnies-extra.com.

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No problem!

Gift Certificates & Layaway Always AvailableOpen Mon-Sat 9:30 - 5; Sun 9:30-4 6 miles from Belfast

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Patriots touch lamps $29.95New selection of fishing rods, reels, lures, line, flies,

poppers, and other accessories now available.New smoking accessories.

Blue Seal Feeds and Pine shavings always available

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For answers, visitfunnies-extra.com/puzzles.php

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Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC in North America only.


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LAST MONTH’S ANSWERS

© 2011 Sheila Anderson / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

CHUCK DOWNS Cartoonist

Haikus amuse meBut sometimes can confuse me

Refrigerator

I always fi nd random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.

Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fi ghts crime. Now that he is old-er, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a ham-string. He often “misuses” quota-tion marks, and likes to frequently split his infi nitives.

Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short bio. For submission guidelines and information,go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a PDF fi le along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: [email protected] and type “Spotlight” in the subject line.Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited)

HOLLYWEIRD by MARK SIMON



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MARK SIMON Producer/Director/Cartoonist

Mark Simon is 25-year fi lm & TV veteran amassing over 3,000 production credits includ-ing animation producer on Larry the Cable Guy’s latest movie, Tooth Fairy 2. His storyboard and animation companies, www.Storyboards-East.com, have included clients such as Disney, Universal, Viacom, Sony, HBO, Nickelodeon, FOX, Steven Spielberg, USA Networks, ABC Television and many others. His experience selling original TV series led to his founding www.SellYourTvConceptNow.com to mentor other creators. He is also the author of ten popular industry texts, and lectures around the world at major conferences, entertainment trade schools and universities.

POCKET LINT by CHUCK DOWNS

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THE DEEP END by TYSON COLESPECTICKLES by BILL ABBOTT


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135 WALDO AVENUE, BELFAST, ME 04915 | (207)338-5160 FAX: (207)338-6129222 COLLEGE AVENUE, WATERVILLE, ME 04901 | (207)872-5602 FAX: (207)872-5776

www.kswfcu.org

© 2011 Bill Abbott / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC


Answers to last month’s crossword

ACROSS1. Daisy like bloom6. Bygone era10. Doing nothing14. Rental agreement15. Matured16. Mangle17. Collection of maps18. Formally surrender19. Rumple20. Shield22. Initial wager23. Bran source24. Shabby26. In a forward direction30. Sudden burst32. Crystal-lined rock33. A guest cabin37. Space38. Without company39. Hawkeye State40. Gift 42. Stares43. Poverty-stricken44. Assault sexually45. Extraterrestrial47. Average48. Blockhead49. Astounded56. Hindu princess57. Razzes58. France’s longest river59. Chocolate cookie60. Stringed instrument61. Move forward suddenly62. Small slender gull63. Hearing organs64. Eagerness

DOWN1. Wings2. Collections3. Aft er-bath powder4. Brother of Jacob5. Repair6. Luxury boat7. Curved molding8. Start over

CROSSWORD by Mirror Eyes

9. Without teeth10. Extraneous11. Intimidate12. Vigorously passionate13. If not 21. Knave25. Consumed food26. Monster27. A noble gas28. Comes from trees29. Rebuke30. Obdurate31. Breathe hard33. Sleigh34. Exude35. Is endebted to36. Spar38. Willing to comply 41. Tiny42. Big ape44. Adult male45. Cognizant46. A protective covering47. Models48. Gait faster than a walk50. Kind of bean51. Unit of pressure52. Not sweet53. Posterior54. Th erefore55. Bambi was one

We empower boys and girls from grade school through the teen

years and from various backgrounds with the truth that centers on

the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our summer camp staff works with all

campers on their level in discussing important issues of life in cabin

devotional times and our high quality guest speakers encourage

and motivate our young people during chapel sessions happening

daily. We challenge the young people from Maine and beyond who

enter our doors as summer campers to become spiritually, socially,

mentally, and physically healthy and to become responsible leaders,

with creative thinking, self-motivation, and healthy relationships.

F A I R H A V E N C A M P S81 W. FAIR HAVEN L ANE - BRO OKS, ME 04921 - (207)722-3456 | [email protected]

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Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine July 2013

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