fundie fashion

Fundie Blogger Fundie Blogger Fashion ShowFashion Show

Fundie Blogger Fundie Blogger Fashion ShowFashion Show

(with rankings by SBM (with rankings by SBM contributors)contributors)

Our First Contestant Is…Our First Contestant Is…Our First Contestant Is…Our First Contestant Is…

Simply Stork!Simply Stork!

o -2 points for skirt and blouse instead of a dress o +5 points for the skirt +5 points for the skirt being solid black being solid black o -10,000 points for short -10,000 points for short hairhair

TOTAL: -9997 points TOTAL: -9997 points

o -2 skirt/top combo o +2 points for the fact that she tried to cover +2 points for the fact that she tried to cover her anklesher ankleso -3 for the fact that you can clearly see that -3 for the fact that you can clearly see that she is the proud owner of breasts she is the proud owner of breasts o +3 for the solid colors +3 for the solid colors o +2 for the denim skirt +2 for the denim skirt o -1 for shoes with a heel (you can't really see -1 for shoes with a heel (you can't really see them in this picture, but she has others posted) them in this picture, but she has others posted) o +3 for the very dainty pose on the stairs +3 for the very dainty pose on the stairs

Simply Stork's cumulative score is currently at Simply Stork's cumulative score is currently at -9993-9993. She's moving up in the world, but unless . She's moving up in the world, but unless her hair magically grows by the end of the her hair magically grows by the end of the week, she's still just a worldly ho. week, she's still just a worldly ho.

o +5 for the ankle length skirt, but she kills herself again with o-2 for the skirt/top combo -2 for the skirt/top combo o +5 for the muted colors +5 for the muted colors o +2 for the denim skirt +2 for the denim skirt o no points for the shoes. those are just so no points for the shoes. those are just so damn ugly damn ugly o +1 for trying to cut off her head +1 for trying to cut off her head o and she's already been docked for her and she's already been docked for her hair. hair. o Oh, I'm feeling generous. +5 for the Oh, I'm feeling generous. +5 for the complete shapelessness of her outfit. complete shapelessness of her outfit.

Bringing Simply Stork's total score to: Bringing Simply Stork's total score to: -9978.-9978. She's got a long ways to go. She's got a long ways to go.

Our Next Contestant Our Next Contestant Is…Is…


Tammy!Tammy!

o -2 points for skirt/top combo o +5 points for the solid colors +5 points for the solid colors o +2 points for the denim skirt +2 points for the denim skirt

o -5 points for smiling at the -5 points for smiling at the

cameracamera

TOTAL: 0 pointsTOTAL: 0 points

o -2 for the skirt/top combo again (shame shame, you little harlot!) o +5 for solid colors...but +5 for solid colors...but o -10 for the red shirt -10 for the red shirt o -1 (I'm pretty sure those shoes -1 (I'm pretty sure those shoes have a heel) have a heel)

o -5 for smiling at the camera-5 for smiling at the camera

TOTAL: -13 pointsTOTAL: -13 points

Exciting development in the competition. Exciting development in the competition. Tammy has made a radical departure in Tammy has made a radical departure in presentation. presentation.

Tammy claims she just plain Tammy claims she just plain forgot forgot to snatch a picture before she to snatch a picture before she

changed into her (no doubt changed into her (no doubt totally totally hot) jammies. Points hot) jammies. Points gained for being too busy of a housewife gained for being too busy of a housewife serving her manchild and arrows? Or serving her manchild and arrows? Or points lost for not being on task with points lost for not being on task with sharing the Godly ways of modest dress? sharing the Godly ways of modest dress? o +2 points: Dress length is below the +2 points: Dress length is below the knees knees o --2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a 2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. dress. o +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la Candy (NO HEAD PRESENT)Candy (NO HEAD PRESENT)

TOTAL: TOTAL: 1 pt - without input on bodiless 1 pt - without input on bodiless presentation. presentation.



Homestead Refuge!Homestead Refuge!

o -2 points for skirt/top combo -2 points for skirt/top combo (C'mon ladies, what's wrong with (C'mon ladies, what's wrong with all of you?) all of you?) o -5 for a pink t-shirt -5 for a pink t-shirt o +2 points for the denim skirt +2 points for the denim skirt o +5 (Ok, I'm totally making up a +5 (Ok, I'm totally making up a new one) for the fact that she new one) for the fact that she made her skirt out of a old pair of made her skirt out of a old pair of jeans jeans o +1 for cutting off the head +1 for cutting off the head

TOTAL: 1 pointTOTAL: 1 point

o -2 skirt/top combo -2 skirt/top combo o +5 for solid colors +5 for solid colors o +2 for denim +2 for denim o +3 for tennis shoes +3 for tennis shoes

o +1 for cutting head off+1 for cutting head off

TOTAL: 10 points!TOTAL: 10 points!

o +5 for the skirt covering the ankles, +5 for the skirt covering the ankles, but.... but.... o -2 for the skirt/top combo -2 for the skirt/top combo o +5 for the drab solid colors+5 for the drab solid colorso no points for shoes, as she's just no points for shoes, as she's just wearing flip-flops. Lame! wearing flip-flops. Lame! o +1 for posing with the kiddo +1 for posing with the kiddo o -5 because part of kiddo's tummy is -5 because part of kiddo's tummy is showing (she's raising a whore!) showing (she's raising a whore!) o +1 for the hair, not waist length, but still +1 for the hair, not waist length, but still quite long and flowing. quite long and flowing.

Rashel's score is up to Rashel's score is up to 15!15! Not the Not the highest, but certainly not damning her to highest, but certainly not damning her to hell....yet. hell....yet.



Page!Page!

o +5 Dress length is to the ankles o +1 for the pattern on the +1 for the pattern on the dress dress o +2 for the jumper +2 for the jumper o -5 for smiling at the -5 for smiling at the camera camera

TOTAL: 3 points TOTAL: 3 points

o +5 for the dress being to the ankles o +1 for the floral pattern +1 for the floral pattern o +2 for the jumper +2 for the jumper o +5 for being barefoot +5 for being barefoot o +3 for the constipated grimace +3 for the constipated grimace

Well, with no negative points for Well, with no negative points for Page, she's now up to Page, she's now up to 19 points!19 points! Page is currently our leader! Page is currently our leader! Great job, Page! Great job, Page!



Quiverfull!Quiverfull!

o -2 for skirt/shirt -2 for skirt/shirt o +2 for below the knee (not quite to +2 for below the knee (not quite to the ankle, tsk tsk) the ankle, tsk tsk) o +2 for denim +2 for denim o +2 for the gray and denim combo +2 for the gray and denim combo o +5 points for incredibly ugly tennis +5 points for incredibly ugly tennis shoes. I want to give a bonus point or shoes. I want to give a bonus point or two here for how ugly those socks two here for how ugly those socks are, and also how they're so tall that are, and also how they're so tall that not even an inch of shin is exposed. not even an inch of shin is exposed. o +1 for the baby +1 for the baby

TOTAL: 10 points!TOTAL: 10 points!

o -2 points for the skirt/top combo -2 points for the skirt/top combo o +1 for the freakishly ugly pattern on the +1 for the freakishly ugly pattern on the skirt skirt o No points for shoes, as we can't see No points for shoes, as we can't see them. them. o -5 for smiling at the camera (Don't you -5 for smiling at the camera (Don't you know that now you'll have strange men know that now you'll have strange men beating down your door? Shame!) beating down your door? Shame!) o +1 for posing with baby +1 for posing with baby o +2 for that oh-so-hot hairdo +2 for that oh-so-hot hairdo

When you add Christi's 10 points from When you add Christi's 10 points from yesterday, we have a grand total of yesterday, we have a grand total of 7 7 points!points!



Glorify Him!Glorify Him!

o +2 points, below the knee +2 points, below the knee o -2 for skirt/top combo (awww she -2 for skirt/top combo (awww she says it's because she's nursing, says it's because she's nursing, boohoo) boohoo) o +1: Headless +1: Headless o +1 (my rule) for having camera IN +1 (my rule) for having camera IN the picture the picture o +5 for solids - white and brownish +5 for solids - white and brownish burgundy? burgundy?

Given the other baby-point levels, I've Given the other baby-point levels, I've gotta give her +4 for dressing her baby, gotta give her +4 for dressing her baby, but I immediately rescind that because as but I immediately rescind that because as far as I can see, her baby's wearing far as I can see, her baby's wearing PANTS! -4.PANTS! -4.

Total score, if generous with the white Total score, if generous with the white skirt: 7!!!!!skirt: 7!!!!!

WHOA! WHOA! o -5 for that satanic pink! -5 for that satanic pink! o -2 for the skirt/top again -2 for the skirt/top again o -1 (my rule) DAMN that's a very suggestive -1 (my rule) DAMN that's a very suggestive neckline! Obviously causing men to stumble! neckline! Obviously causing men to stumble! o +1: Headless +1: Headless o Can't tell what the hemline or shoes are, no Can't tell what the hemline or shoes are, no pointspoints

A total of A total of -7-7 going into the baby round. Sorry, going into the baby round. Sorry, GlorifyHim GlorifyHim

Ultrafeminine. +4? Ultrafeminine. +4?

As of Tuesday, I’d say she gets As of Tuesday, I’d say she gets four points, , yeah? Surprisingly, the baby clothes are quite yeah? Surprisingly, the baby clothes are quite normal and actually really adorable. Kid ain’t normal and actually really adorable. Kid ain’t got a chance, though, even if they have sane got a chance, though, even if they have sane relatives sending them clothes. Poor lil thing. relatives sending them clothes. Poor lil thing.

o -2 points for the skirt/top combo (Why is -2 points for the skirt/top combo (Why is this so popular? Don't these ladies know they're this so popular? Don't these ladies know they're damning themselves to hell with this combo?) damning themselves to hell with this combo?)

o -3 for the bright green (and dangerously -3 for the bright green (and dangerously low-cut) top low-cut) top

o +2 for the denim skirt +2 for the denim skirt

o +5 for being barefoot +5 for being barefoot

o +1 for beheading herself +1 for beheading herself

Marie, step right up as we tally your score! Marie, step right up as we tally your score! (insert cheesy game-show music here) (insert cheesy game-show music here)

Adding on to Marie's 4 points, her score is now Adding on to Marie's 4 points, her score is now up to up to 7 points7 points! Congratulations Marie, you're ! Congratulations Marie, you're not quite on your way to hell yet! not quite on your way to hell yet!



Heather!Heather!

SO HOT. SO HOT. o +2, but a mere two, for below the knee. +2, but a mere two, for below the knee. o HEADCOVERING! +5! HEADCOVERING! +5! o +1 Floral pattern+1 Floral patterno Oh, damn! She had to go and smile at Oh, damn! She had to go and smile at the camera! -5. the camera! -5. o I think I see the heel of a tennis shoe. I think I see the heel of a tennis shoe. What's the scoring for tights and tennis What's the scoring for tights and tennis shoe combo? shoe combo?

Well, Well, 33 for now. Her prideful smile reveals for now. Her prideful smile reveals the false modesty of her headcovering. the false modesty of her headcovering. PHARISEE! PHARISEE!



Short-Haired Harlot!Short-Haired Harlot!

o +2 points: Denim oWay to go! Oh, but wait!

o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. No exception made for nursing mothers o Can she recover? Her shirt is floral. o +1 point: Fabric has a floral pattern o But then she has to be the Whore of But then she has to be the Whore of Babylon with the cardi. Babylon with the cardi. o -10 points: fabric is red o And there's no recovering from that man-do. o -10,000 points: short hair

o When will you learn woman, WEAR A DRESS! o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. No exception made for nursing mothers o Then again, you have managed to make yourself into a monolith of bland. o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no decoration navy blue with no decoration o Then you go and fuck it all up with your Then you go and fuck it all up with your Jezebel gaze. Jezebel gaze. o -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera o There's no entrance into Candy's Kingdom with that feminazi hairdo of yours. o -10,000 points: short hair

o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. No exception made for nursing mothers o She is making a dent against that Dyke Cut with the following:o +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles o +2 points: Denim +2 points: Denim o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no black, or navy blue with no decorationdecoration

12 more points!12 more points!



Jessica!Jessica!

o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no decoration

o +2 points: Dress length is below the knees

o -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera o -5 points: Painted whore (sorry, too much make-up!) o -5 points: Your Bloomers are Showing (this slut is wearing underthings that can be seen by ANYONE)

SUBTOTAL: -3pts SUBTOTAL: -3pts

Can she recover?Can she recover?

o +2 points: Dress length is below the knees +2 points: Dress length is below the knees

o +3 points: Orthopedic sandals!

o +5 points: Unflattering, yet sufficiently dour pattern o +10 points: Sufficiently style-less home decor (with +10 points: Sufficiently style-less home decor (with flowered apron, natch) flowered apron, natch) o +2 points: Engaging in domestic activity o -5 points: Showing her entire calf! (whore) -5 points: Showing her entire calf! (whore) o -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera

SUBTOTAL: 9 ptsSUBTOTAL: 9 pts

Can this be? Does she really have a chance? Can this be? Does she really have a chance?

This might just be it. This may be the outfit that This might just be it. This may be the outfit that renders her truly unfuckable by anyone's renders her truly unfuckable by anyone's standards. Let's look at the scoreboard. standards. Let's look at the scoreboard.

o +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no decoration o +2 points: Posing in front of refrigerator +2 points: Posing in front of refrigerator o -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera o +2 points: Wearing a Godly muted kaka pink +2 points: Wearing a Godly muted kaka pink

TOTAL: 9 PTS!!!! TOTAL: 9 PTS!!!!

Rashel, watch out, girl! There's a new Godly Rashel, watch out, girl! There's a new Godly unfuckable Christian blogger in town! unfuckable Christian blogger in town!



Candy!Candy!(the mother of us all)(the mother of us all)

o No points for hemline, as we can't see No points for hemline, as we can't see it (c'mon, Candy, can't you show us a little it (c'mon, Candy, can't you show us a little leg or something?) leg or something?)

o +1 for the floral pattern +1 for the floral pattern

o +1 for cutting off her own head +1 for cutting off her own head

o +3 for the etching picture

o -5 for smiling in the etched picture

o +5 for actually being Candy

o Again, no points for hemline Again, no points for hemline o -1 for the polka dots. Polka -1 for the polka dots. Polka dots draw attention. dots draw attention. o +4 for the cut off head and +4 for the cut off head and etching etching o and no additional points for and no additional points for being Candy. That’s a one-time being Candy. That’s a one-time score. score.

Candy's own rating is: Candy's own rating is: 8 8 points!points! She's nowhere near the She's nowhere near the lead! She does still have a few lead! She does still have a few days to redeem herself, and she days to redeem herself, and she doesn't have a negative score, doesn't have a negative score, so her ticket to hell is still on so her ticket to hell is still on hold for the time being. hold for the time being.

[more on next slide][more on next slide]

Addendum:Addendum:I say give her a point for the I say give her a point for the wrist-scrunchie.wrist-scrunchie.

I'm down with that, in fact I'll I'm down with that, in fact I'll even give her 2 points for the even give her 2 points for the scrunchie. That brings Candy up scrunchie. That brings Candy up to 10 points. Still not close to to 10 points. Still not close to the lead though. Go Candy, go!the lead though. Go Candy, go!

I think at least 2 points for the I think at least 2 points for the puff sleeves, which always puff sleeves, which always imply that one may well be imply that one may well be trudging uphill bearing a couple trudging uphill bearing a couple of buckets suspended from a of buckets suspended from a yoke. yoke.

Geez, it's almost as though you Geez, it's almost as though you guys *want* Candy to win. Ok, I guys *want* Candy to win. Ok, I guess that brings Crazee Candy guess that brings Crazee Candy up to 12 points. up to 12 points.

On the other hand, that row of On the other hand, that row of buttons seems to stop rather buttons seems to stop rather whorishly above the knee. whorishly above the knee.

Alright, we'll dock 3 points for Alright, we'll dock 3 points for the skanky non-buttoned the skanky non-buttoned section. Candy's down to 9 section. Candy's down to 9 points! points!

Candy can't win til she shows Candy can't win til she shows her boots-socks-tights combo (if her boots-socks-tights combo (if she dares to reveal her leg to she dares to reveal her leg to us). Do it, Candy!!! us). Do it, Candy!!!

o +2 points: Dress length is below +2 points: Dress length is below the knees the knees o +5 points: Dress length is to the +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles ankles o +1 point: Fabric has a floral +1 point: Fabric has a floral pattern pattern o -2 points: skirt and blouse -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. instead of a dress. o +2 points: Denim +2 points: Denim o +1 point: cutting off head in +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la Candy picture a la Candy o +3 points: "etching" picture a la +3 points: "etching" picture a la Candy Candy o -5 points: Smiling directly at the -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera camera o +5 points: Completely +5 points: Completely unfuckable, dirty disgusting unfuckable, dirty disgusting slippers slippers

Judges need to weigh in on these: Judges need to weigh in on these: o +5 points: posing in front of +5 points: posing in front of diarrhea colored fridge. diarrhea colored fridge. o +5 points: hair blanket +5 points: hair blanket

o +2 points: Dress length is +2 points: Dress length is below the knees below the knees o +1 point: Fabric has a floral +1 point: Fabric has a floral pattern pattern o +1 point: cutting off head in +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la Candy picture a la Candy

o +3 points: "etching" picture +3 points: "etching" picture a la Candy a la Candy o -5 points: Smiling directly at -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera the camera

o +2 points: Dress length +2 points: Dress length is below the knees is below the knees o +5 point: Fabric has a +5 point: Fabric has a floral pattern so ugly floral pattern so ugly unGodly retinas detach unGodly retinas detach o +1 point: cutting off +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la head in picture a la Candy Candy +3 points: "etching" +3 points: "etching" picture a la Candy picture a la Candy o -5 points: Smiling -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera directly at the camera o -2 points: Harlot color -2 points: Harlot color palette palette

This next one is her FAVORITE that hubby brought home.

o +2 points: Dress length is below +2 points: Dress length is below the knees the knees o +5 point: Fabric has a floral +5 point: Fabric has a floral pattern so ugly unGodly retinas pattern so ugly unGodly retinas detach detach o +1 point: cutting off head in +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la Candy picture a la Candy +3 points: "etching" picture a la +3 points: "etching" picture a la Candy Candy o -5 points: Smiling directly at the -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera camera

Holy shit, outfit #4 looks like it Holy shit, outfit #4 looks like it has some corset-like boob-has some corset-like boob-hydraulics. Naughty naughty hydraulics. Naughty naughty Candy! Candy!

Candy will not be stopped. Even Candy will not be stopped. Even though she posted four of her though she posted four of her dresses late yesterday, she's back dresses late yesterday, she's back up with a Thursday selection. up with a Thursday selection.

Candy really gains some traction with this sexless sleeping bag.

o +2 points: Dress length is below +2 points: Dress length is below the knees the knees o +5 points: Dress length is to the +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles ankles o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no black, or navy blue with no decoration decoration o +1 point: cutting off head in +1 point: cutting off head in picture a la Candy picture a la Candy o +3 points: "etching" picture a la +3 points: "etching" picture a la Candy Candy o+2 points: Ever present +2 points: Ever present scrunchie scrunchie o -5 points: Smiling directly at the -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera camera

TOTAL: 13 pts TOTAL: 13 pts



Amy!Amy!

o +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles o +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or +5 points: fabric is solid grey, black, or navy blue with no decoration navy blue with no decoration o -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera o +5 points: hair is covered +5 points: hair is covered o +5 points: Face eczema (it adds a little +5 points: Face eczema (it adds a little je ne sais quoi to the homely fundie je ne sais quoi to the homely fundie woman) woman) o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. dress.

Subtotal: Subtotal: 3 pts 3 pts

o +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. a dress. o +1 point: Fabric has disgusting, +1 point: Fabric has disgusting, quilted pattern for extra fug quilted pattern for extra fug o -2 points: Smiling directly at the -2 points: Smiling directly at the camera (I am only taking 3 points off camera (I am only taking 3 points off of this because the glare of her of this because the glare of her glasses has modestly averted her glasses has modestly averted her gaze, so she is not making direct eye gaze, so she is not making direct eye contact. She is still smiling which is contact. She is still smiling which is sure to harden penises everywhere, sure to harden penises everywhere, though.) though.) o +5 points: hair is covered +5 points: hair is covered

Subtotal: Subtotal: 7 pts 7 pts

o -5 points: fabric is aquamarine or hot pink o -5 points: Smiling directly at the -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera camera o +5 points: hair is covered +5 points: hair is covered o -5 points: form fitting top showing -5 points: form fitting top showing hint of waistline hint of waistline o -5 points: entirely too much arm -5 points: entirely too much arm showing showing

Subtotal: -15Subtotal: -15

TOTAL: -5TOTAL: -5

Don't count her out of the race. Any Don't count her out of the race. Any one who spends their entire day one who spends their entire day indoors and still covers her sinful hair indoors and still covers her sinful hair with a doily is sure to pull through.with a doily is sure to pull through.



Amanda!Amanda!

o +2 points: Dress length is below the +2 points: Dress length is below the knees knees o -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a -2 points: skirt and blouse instead of a dress. dress. o +2 points: solid, subdued colors +2 points: solid, subdued colors o -7 points: wearing tight shirt that -7 points: wearing tight shirt that emphasizes existance of breasts. Those emphasizes existance of breasts. Those belong to your husband and your babies, belong to your husband and your babies, and not you and the world, you little and not you and the world, you little tramp! tramp! o +1 point: Looking away from camera in +1 point: Looking away from camera in demure manner demure manner o +2 points: posing in kitchen +2 points: posing in kitchen o +5 points: hair is covered +5 points: hair is covered o +2 points: no makeup, nail polish, or +2 points: no makeup, nail polish, or jewelry jewelry

Total modesty score: 4 pointsTotal modesty score: 4 points

Amanda has certainly improved in Amanda has certainly improved in godliness since her last try! godliness since her last try!



Jeannie!Jeannie!

o +5 points: Dress length is to the +5 points: Dress length is to the ankles ankles o +2 points: Dress length is below +2 points: Dress length is below the knees the knees o +1 point: Fabric has a floral pattern +1 point: Fabric has a floral pattern o +5 points: Barefoot in the kitchen +5 points: Barefoot in the kitchen o +1 point: Farmers’ tan +1 point: Farmers’ tan o +5 points: Shapeless sack with +5 points: Shapeless sack with horizontal stripes horizontal stripes o -20 points: Exposed shoulders -20 points: Exposed shoulders o -5 points: Smiling directly at the -5 points: Smiling directly at the camera camera o -2 points: Wasteful spending on -2 points: Wasteful spending on fresh produce fresh produce

TOTAL: -8 points TOTAL: -8 points

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