fromThe Nuts and Bolts of College Writing

by Michael Harvey (Not OURS)

What is Concision?Concision is “leanness of words”

Why do we need “CONCISION? Wordiness—common in student writing Concision—Adds GRACE to prose Makes our ideas easier to understand Your topic, audience, reader MIGHT

REQUIRE IT!

“Clutter is the disease of American writing. We are a society strangling in unnecessary words, circular constructions, pompous frills and meaningless jargon.”

What’s WRONG with WORDS? Are we afraid? Will it leave us exposed? Do we know what we are talking about? Are we hiding behind our words? Will our ideas and insights appear puny

when stripped on inessential◦ Words◦ Phrases◦ Sentences?

If we cut out the FAT, will anything be left behind?

◦Big words◦Self-important phrasing◦Flat tone◦Gobs of prepositional phrases◦Nouns galore◦Abuse of passive voice Be verbs + past tense verbs Get verbs + past tense verbs Has verbs + past tense verbs

AT WORK …

Prospero is faced with the necessity of deciding whether to attempt forgiveness of the actions of his brother or remain in a state of hostility.

The role of women in households in medieval Europe was arrayed across a number of possibilities of increasing or decreasing activity and independence, depending on variables such as status, wealth, religion, or region.

Cut out “collegiate pompous style” HOW? Process of elimination

◦Watch what we say◦Ask ourselves – Is it essential to

meaning?◦Eliminate what is not

“Writing is hard work. A clear sentence is no accident. Very few sentences come out right the first time, or even the third time. Remember this as a consolation in moments of despair. If you find that writing is hard, it’s because it IS hard. It’s one of the hardest things people do.”

Any investigation, inquiry, hearing, or examination which the Board is empowered by law to hold or undertake may be held or undertaken by or before the majority of the members of the Board or its secretary, and the finding or order of members of the Board or the representative, when concurred in by the majority of the members of the Board, shall have the same force and effect as the finding or order of the whole Board.

(Article 56, Section 497, Maryland’s Annotated Code of Law)

77 words

SAME LAW: The state decided to revise:

A majority of the members then serving on he Board is a quorum.

(Article 56, Section 497, Maryland’s Annotated Code of Law)

13 words; 83 % reduction in length

To ensure that the new system being developed, or the existing system being modified, will provide users with the timely, accurate, and complete information the rewire to properly perform their functions and responsibilities, it is necessary to assure that the new or modified system will cover all necessary aspects of the present automated or manual systems being replaced, to gain this assurance, it is essential that documentation to be made of the entities of the present systems which will be modified or eliminated.

Technical manual for programmers of a corporate computer system

(82 words)

SAME PASSAGE:Make sure to document all planned changes so any mistakes you make can be corrected.

15 words; 80 % reduction in length

Before Concision After Concision

1. To satisfy her hunger for nutrition, she ate the bread.

2. It was discussed in this reading that

3. The scene is very important because it helps the audience understand Cleopatra early on in the play.

1. She felt hungry, so she ate the bread.

2. Tannen argues that

3. This early scene helps the audience understand Cleopatra.

Before Concision After Concision

The film and video industry category can specifically be broken down into subsequent industries of motion picture and videotape production, motion picture and videotape distribution, movie house, and cable and other pay-television services.

The film and video industry category consists of production, distribution, movie houses, and cable and other pay-television services.

Before Concision After Concision

Some of AOL Time Warner’s major media competitors include News Corporation Ltd., which is a global media and entertainment media power located I n Australia, and Viacom inc., which is based in the United States and is one of the world’s leading media companies.

AOL Time Warner’s major Global media competitors include Australia-based News Corporation Ltd and US-based Viacom Inc.

Some of the structural changes made: Stronger Verbs

Fewer Linking/Be Verbs Fewer Passive Voice Verbs Fewer Phrasal Verbs (bring about, serve to, caught up in)

See also http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/phrasal-verbs/a.html

More Active Verbs in the Active Voice Adjective Phrases and Clauses

Pushed into short adjectives that PRECEDE nouns Adverbs: Some have been cut Repetitive words and phrases have been squeezed

together with parallelism

“A redundant word is an unnecessary word. Considering the high price of newsprint and book stock, we ought to watch for redundancies and pluck them from our writing as if we were plucking ticks off a dog’s back. Redundancies, like ticks, suck the blood from our prose.”

They create a CONCISE,

VERB-CENTERED STYLE THAT IS CLEARER and

EASIER to READ!

Most writers produce wordy first drafts. Concision represents a careful, patient process

of revision … ◦ We weigh words and phrases and think hard about

how we can better develop, organize, articulate, and refine our ideas.

◦ Good writers realize that sad fact. They are willing to spend time tightening their prose.

Concision takes practice. Concision is more a sign of perspiration than

inspiration. As Pascal wrote in 1656: “This letter is long

because I didn’t have the time to make it shorter.”

“Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something—anything—down on paper. A friend of mine says the first draft is the down draft…you just get it down. The second draft is the up draft…you fix it up. You try to say what you have to say more accurately. And the third draft is the dental draft, where you check every tooth, to see if it’s loose or cramped or decayed, or even, God help us, healthy.”

CUT THE FAT!!

“Re-examine each sentence that you put on paper. Is every word doing new work? Can any thought be expressed with more economy? Is anything pompous or pretentious or faddish? Are you hanging onto something useless just because you ‘think’ it’s beautiful? Simplify, simplify.”