From Exquisite Corpse

8/8/2019 From Exquisite Corpse

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From Exquisite Corpse, December 18, 2010 (http://www.corpse.org/)

Contemplating 2010by Janine Canan

I Should be Dead

Fortunately I should be deadby the time there is no longerany ice at all on the Alps.

As a girl, in the desert of the Angels,Heidi was a book of pure magicchalets, cows, fresh cream, and snowy peaks.

Its all gone nowa whole civilization melting.

I can see a piece of paper with these wordsfloating downstream into the Ocean.

ABlessed Life

All complaints aside,I cant believe how blessedI have been in this life.

First, I was given a human body.You might say, doesnt that mean

an awful lot of suffering,

but I say, Would you reallyrather be a cow ora lizard?

Then I was born in the richest countryon earth where I would wantfor nothing materially

and receive the best educationavailableand wiselyI appreciated it.

As a result, I became one of the firstfree women in the worldin thousands of years.

Freely I wandered, observed,studied and pondered,


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enjoying the greatest thinkers and artists.

Sure, I was insulted, mugged, raped,beaten and glared at homicidally,but it was worth it!

I sang my poems, wove my stories,elaborated my essays, as I sought outthe supreme spiritual masters

who taught me to open my mind and heart,meditate and pray. I am still learning,becoming ever more childlike and candid.

Yes, I have suffered, I cannot count the ways.But even I cannot imagine the good Fortunethat granted me this blessed life.

Lunch at the Depot Hotel

I love this crazy world and I am notwithout hope.

Sonoma lettuces, Sicilian olive oil, a fewremaining shrimp, bread from the grasses, inventedby women eons ago, Dubonnet from the red vine of the French,lovers who honor the Blood, coffee from beans of the South

this soulful feast inspires me to share with you,while provincial voices on money and strangers risein the next room amid laughter and heavy home-grown wine,

to share with you that no matter how much change,no matter how fast, no matter the winds, spreading viruses,unexpected explosions, rapings of women and babies, grand upheavalsof the Earthno matter how annoyed Mother Earth becomes,

Life does survive, oh inexpressibly beautiful, that makes dahlias maroonand huge open their faces to us withwhat else can we call it?Love.

And if there is a better word, let us use that.

Love flowers no matter what,rest assured.


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that toured the worldand toured the heartyet no one breathed a wordto sergeant MacIntire about this

ALONE

you're alone / my country / withoutthe comrades you lock up and destroy / you hearthem slowly being emptied of the lovethey have left / they loosen their grip

on their turn to die / dream they're being dreamed / quieted /they'll never see other faces growing /leaning out / continued / in this sun /some day in the sun of justice

SAINT THERESA

and with many birds and their songs in the /highest part of the mind or head / and rumblingsin it like the sea / or laments /or winds or movements / suns

that clash / go out / then burn again / or powerslike thousands of animals that trackup the suburbs of the soul / suffering

terrible ordeals i mean / even so

the soul goes on whole in its quiet state /or desire / or clear light untouchedby sorrow / scorn / misery /suffering or ruin / so

what is this peace without vengeance / or memoryof a future heaven / or tendernesscoming down from your hands / spring waterwhere birds in the highest part of the mind

rally to drink / sing sweetly / or are silentlike light issuing from you / wingflying softly above war and fatiguelike the flight of passion itself?


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31 Poems (Katrina Series)by Bill Lavender

1

Im relieved to discover that even in this extremisI still like what I like in normal times,a little winesome pot after dinner

2

writing this by candlelightlast night3 a.m.the stars so brightabove the city& in the bedroomthe utter dark

3

sleeping in this heatinconceivable buthow quickly we get used to it

4

I love water;Im from cuba!he yells then splashing arounddiving & back up spitting

out a little stream

5

wake up sweatingthe sheet soaked& move to the floorin front of the door


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6

helicopters workthrough the night

without lights

one passingso close Ifeel the windfrom the rotor

7

cuba comes to the door

& wants me to rescuesome guy with a babyI take the rowboataround the corner.the guy is terrifiedand the three year old also

because of him.cuba offers me a slugfrom his pint of cheap

bourbon &I take it

8

white joe losesalmost everythingin his basement apartment.

black joe, above him,and having less to start with,loses nothing

9

hard to believethis is only the second night

10


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lying in bed

we hear the frogs singingjust like on the river

11

at the paramedic stationthey dont want to give uptheir generator. thomas sayspeople are dying at the hospital& the other says thingsare tough all over

12

we row across the bayouand a family on theirfront porch hails us.were gonna diethey say.I tell them they will be OK,and besides, theres no placeto be rescued to

13

they are movingthe old lady across the streetto a higher apartment next door.cuba & black joe float herover on an air-bed. 4 of useach take a corner of the sheetand carry her up the stairsand put her on a mattress on the floor

in the empty apartment.ohhh my leg, my leg she says.

14

I keep walking into rooms &flipping up the light switch


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15

the stuff in the fridgestarting to thaw, nanc

cooks a pork loin in the skillet& we have it with a spinach and

blue cheese saladon the front porch whilethe filthy watersswirl around us

16

wednesday morning the level

only went up a quarter inchin the night, though ithad been rising about a half inchper hour

17

the dogs are so welltrained they wont peeon paper in the houseeven when I show them how

18

the one radio stationairs only talk radiowhat did you think was going to happen?did you not hear the evacuation order?

19

the apartments acrossthe bayou what a vileatmosphere, debris &oil and gasoline floating in the fetid

water where the pool used to be,yuppies & vagrants


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together in the soup,stolen boats, everyone

wanting out even thoughthe building is tall andrelatively safe.

while in our neighborhoodeveryone is calmand friendly andin much more danger

20

flood water has now, theysay, equalized with the lakefluctuations Im seeing

on my rulerare the ebb and flow of the tide

21

what sort of managementis requiredfor this situation?management oflaws or people?

22

what sense of selfdid my mother have

who lived throughthe depression &the flood of 27?she who never once broke down

23

when we finally hearthat it will take at least a monthto drain the city

we make our decisionand leavein less than an hour


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vi" we leave all ourperishable foodand some booze

with frank whos notleaving because

hes heard they dontlet you drink at the dome

24

rowing down saint philipthat I have driven so oftenpeople on their porcheshow you makin out?not bad, not bad

25

when we turn ontobroad we startto plot our coursecarefully people loading

boats & tubsis there a sale today?yeah, its the hurricane give-away.

26

junkiesfloating down canalin a kiddie poolshooting up in a kiddie poolhow cool

27

the only policeare FISH AND WILDLIFEsome sortof joke?

28


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no one makes usdo anything specificthough sometimes they giveorders just out of habit

or feargo that waygo to theconvention center...

29

under the freewayon saint charles

a thousand unopenedcartons of chocolateand white milk

30

crazy man fishingin a puddleon st charleshookers on doorstepshow ya doin?awright...and on prytaniasome guy trying to hotwire a car

but he doesnt know how

31

driving out so ridiculously easyi was videoing the empty road

down tchoupitoulas up the bridge ramp and acrossall we saw were a few people walking and one guyfixing a flat and then on the expressway on the west

bank there was a cluster of cop cars and one of themheading the wrong way down our side lightflashing and i saw her there out in frontmaybe eighteen years old this beautiful black girl


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dressed in white running gear and running alonglike a nike commercial or something she lookedso perfect leaping along in front of the car and him

behind her with the blue light like he was pullingher over for speeding except he was just

idling along and looking kind of bored and sherunning for all she was worth glancing backthe fear in her eyes but we kept going what else

were we to do? and even way out on highway 90the traffic lights not working but traffic starting to pick

be a little careful but made it over the 310and up to the freeway again and headed north up 55

toward ponchatoula but when we got therethe exit was blocked and the town dark just like

new orleans so we hit the I-12 toward baton rougetrying to call will or deb or anyone on the cellbut it kept saying all circuits were busy and i knew wecould stay with skip in lafayette but we were exhaustedand didnt want to go that far but finally i called him andset it up and he sounded excited to have us and it startedto sound good even though it meant another two hoursin the car and we were almost through baton rouge whenmy cell rings and it is will finally getting through anddeb gets on the phone and very carefully like she isconcentrating for all shes worth gives me directionsto her friend wallys house so I call skip back & haveto tell him we wont be coming after all and im sorryto get him psyched and then not come through

but its all we can do and then there are will and ben in thefront yard to wave us down and we pull in the drivewayand charlie drops his head to the wheel and weall three of us and the two dogs and the two cats in theircages begin to extricate ourselves from the little VWand everyone comes out and were hugging helloand everyone crying and not really knowing why

but glad to be there and going in and sitting aroundthe table on the deck the house one of those big ranchstyles so common in baton rouge and wallys verysweet to us and theres wine to drink and we sit around andswap stories into the wee hours and then go to bedand deb tells us that wally doesnt let animals in her houseso we have to leave the dogs and even the cats outside


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but renny starts to go a little crazy because hes neverspent the night outside in his life so after everyone goesto bed i go out and sneak renny and gracie into our roomand they lie down on either side of the bed and ifigure ill get up early and get them out before anyone

even knows i cant sleep anyway so i get up about dawnto take them but of course they turn the wrong wayand go straight into wallys room where her husband

whom we havent even met yet is putting on his tie andhes looking down at these two nutty happy dogs huffingaround his legs all big grins and slobberlike he cant believe his eyes and i have to go in & grabthem saying im so sorry im so sorry and get them outon the deck and give them a biscuit and some waterand then i see that the cats cage is standing open and i

go back in and wake nanc up saying jesus babykitterz is gone i cant believe it i cant believe it and shejust turns over and starts sobbing into the pillow and theni go around getting everyone up and were all runningaround the neighborhood saying kitty kitty and shakingher food box and silly shit like that for about an houruntil i realize there is nothing to be done shes either gonnacome back or not so we go inside and wally is fixing a

big breakfast and we all sit around the dining table with herfine china and after that i go back out and i look at the cageand the house and the carport and the plants around thehouse in the front yard and i try to think like a cat wouldthink like how she would be in a strange place and stayin the shadows and close like between the bushes and the houseand away from the dogs on the deck and i walk slowly aroundthe house watching the bushes and then on the very far cornerthere she is under the bush so calm and seeming boreddoesnt even bother to run or anything just looks at meand i just say come on and she walks right outand then its good-byes all around as theyre heading forarkansas and us to florida to take gracie and the car

and the cat back to alex and kat and charlie is headingto his brothers place in alexandria and our plan is todrop him at the bus station but were watching the newsand it is saying there are 200,000 people in downtown

baton rouge trying to get out and we know we cant dothat were gonna have to take him all the way up thereanyway it isnt all that far and we take off but first we


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stop at a clinic for shots and a check up from this ER doctorfriend of debs and he looks at us looks at our throats looksat the cut on my finger asks me how i did it and i tell himhow i was getting in the boat and fell and caught that fingerunder a strut and scraped it all up and maybe even broke it

and immersed it in the flood water so he gives me an antibioticand nothing for nanc since the throat cultures come up negativeand while hes looking at us hes telling us about the hospitaldowntown and how theyre to the point of triage now like ifsomeone has turned septic theyre not giving them ventilators

because there are only so many ventilators to go aroundand he knows when he tells the nurse that this one or that isgoing to die but there is nothing to be done and i tell him

well in new orleans most of the hospitals lost all power andthere was sewage backing up in the lower floors and

the patients and even the nurses and doctors dyingthere waiting for rescue and then were out and heading toalexandria we make it quick about 90 minutesto charlies brothers house and saying good-byeto charlie we break down and nanc is practically bawlingand im crying too hugging him and then were back in thecar me and nanc and the two dogs and cats and headingacross on the state road to florida we have to stay far northto avoid the washed out roads near the coast drivingthrough big pine trees snapped in the middlelike toothpicks and all laying down pointing the same directionlike metal filings pointing to a magnet or compass needlesand they are even pointing north we got intoshalimar about ten that night after twelve hours on the roadand kissing hello to alex and kat and rich who is kats dadhe has a beach house on a bayou there with a dry dockand rich says how about a beer and i say great and do

you have some bourbon and after a couple of boilermakerskat and i are skinny dipping in the bay but nanc wont come in

because she says the water is black like the water was inthe streets and richs place so big and lovely and go to bed

that night pleasantly drunk but wake up about 4 and goin to the bathroom to pee and while im in there startingto cry and cant stop and back in the bed nanc saying

what is it baby and then she just starts crying tooand next day we go shopping to get some clothesand we all get bathing suits at wal-mart and i geta snorkel and fins too but nanc cant find a suit


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she likes and we end up going to three other storestill she finds one she can live with and then wego back to richs place and he wants to take usfor a boat ride but nanc isnt feeling well enoughto go so i go with rich and alex and kat and we stop

out on a sandbar and i snorkel a bit and there isthis big boat anchored by us and girls in bikinisdancing to pop songs on the boom boxup on the flying bridge and im staring at themtheres something about it i just cant get i cantunderstand why anyone would do that cantunderstand what it means and driving backi go and sit on the bow so no one can see my faceand cry into the wind as we speed across the

blue florida water and that night rich asks me and

alex to come with him to break down his sistersart show in fort walton so we do because richis being really nice to us it is an arts and crafts fairat a condo and commercial complex on the beachand his sister is so happy she has sold many paintingsand made a ton of contacts so we help her

break down the tent and load the paintings and gearinto the SUV and as we head down to her apartmentrich is telling us how painting has been such a boonfor his sister because she really needed somethingafter her husband died a few years ago and this

was a great gig like those big horizontal canvasesshe pays about a hundred bucks for the canvasand paint and paints the thing in about two hoursand then sells one for 1800 not bad especiallyif she starts developing steady customers and thisshow tonight is like a first step in that directionso hes really happy for her and next day nancs brother jaycalls and tells us theyre driving two cars downto atlanta from richmond tomorrow one for his wifesmom and one for us if we want to borrow it and nanc says

sure hell yes we want it thanks so much and webuy a ticket to fly to atlanta on tuesday and whilewere reserving the flight im watching the TVout of the corner of my eye and i have to yell

jesus look its the can its the fucking canand all of us go over crowd around the TVto see the helicopter landing on top of the apartments


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we call the can because it used to be the americancan factory and its right down the streetfrom our house and were looking at peoplerunning around on the roof do we know them? who is that?is that brett and jonathan? are they getting everyone?

but we cant tell anything its just a video bit onCNN and then I start to really get worried about brett

because if they take them out in copters they probablygo to the convention center and he will have to leavehis dogs and i wake up that night thinking about itand once again i cant stop crying and the next dayi send out all kinds of emails worrying about brettand call randy in atlanta and tell him well be therefor one night tuesday can we stay with them? andhe says yes of course and im looking forward to

seeing john and randy and tracy and also mikeand kim are staying in atlanta at some relativeshouse so we decide well go see them too while wereup there and then i get an email from jennifer

with a forward from someone announcing that FEMAis looking for people with construction experienceto help rebuild new Orleans & Im thinking this is whatI want to do I want to go back and help to do somethingso i email a quick resume with my construction experienceon it and about five minutes later my cell rings and itis the guy from this firm called AICS saying that imqualified to be a construction manager 2 and i ask whenthey will need me and he says yesterday and i say what

would i be doing and he says i have no idea and isay how much would it pay and he says a cm2starts out at 46 bucks an hour plus per diem andlodging expense and car and cell phone all totalid be knocking down about 18 grand a month

but working 7 12 hour days per weekand i start to think that might be ok it would be goodto feel like i was doing something and then make

some money besides i mean at that rate whatdifference would it make if insurance coveredmy truck sitting under water on st. philip streeti could just buy a new one and make a littlemoney besides to fix up the camp or whateverand when tuesday rolls around weget on the plane at egland and the stewardess


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finds out were from new orleans and tells some otherpeople on the flight and they all want to know

what it was like and at one point the stewardess asksme if we need any money and i say no but thank you

we are fine we lost hardly anything were in great shape

compared to lots of others and when we get off theplane in atlanta the stewardess heather was her namehugs us goodbye and randy picks us up outside baggageclaim and takes us by jays friends house to pick upthe car and then to decatur for a burger and beerand then to their place and then nanc goes to bedcause shes beat and john and i take some hitsoff his bong and start to jam in his office upstairshe has all these new effects boxes for his guitarsand he has just bought a new five string bass

and randy and tracy come up and read somepoems to the noise and we drink beer and tokeon the bong and thrash the guitars till after 3and then i crawl into bed with nanc and in whatseems like a couple of hours get up and pack upand leave just leaving them a note because weeven forgot to talk about when we were leavingthen we call mike and kim and head up to theirplace by buckhead for breakfast its on provincialoak circle which is off of provincial oak lane which isoff of provincial oak road in provincial oaks subdivision and the house is enormous mikessisters place they are hawaii at the momenttheres a picture of george and laura bush on the fridgesigned thanks and kim is saying how she doesnt thinktheyll be back for a long time their house was floodedto the second floor but anyway she kind of likes it hereshes saying hey i got here and theres a gym and apool down the street and im thinking hey i couldget used to this and nanc says yeah it looks like a lotof people wont be coming back and kim says yeah

i guess that might be one of the you know sort of goodthings that happens that some people well you knowsome that wed just as soon see gone wont be coming

back and then we have to go again and get in the jeepSUV that jay has loaned us and head back down toflorida and we only stay one more night at richs

because we want to get home or least home to our


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camp in ponchatoula and have some time to ourselvesso we pack up renny and the cat and our little bit ofstuff and kiss good bye again and nanc is sayinggoodbye to gracie and she breaks down which no oneunderstands because who would break down saying

goodbye to a friends dog but gracie had been through itwith us and shell always be special to us after thatdriving back to louisiana weve got gas cans strappedto the top of the gas guzzling SUV and some placesthe gas is over three bucks a gallon and some placesthere simply isnt any gas and once again wehave to move north on the little roads to avoidthe beach highways and halfway through mississippi

we start to really worry about gas and then outsidepicayune there is a station open with national guard

troops standing guard on the line and we get in itthe guards are kids maybe 20 years old in fatigueswith machine guns and they are just directing trafficand we get our gas and head on down through

bogalusa which it turns out is utterly trashedtrees smashed through houses and rubble all overthe road none of the traffic lights working like somesort of ghost town cops riding around on four

wheelers and we take a wrong turn somewhereand wind up in sun and as we pull up to the onlyintersection there i say to nanc which way nowand she says oh i fucked up and i look at the mapand weve doubled back gone way out of the wayand she says sorry and i say if id been reading the mapit wouldnt have happened and she says ok just fuckingleave me here ok and she gets out and starts walking downthe highway and i pull up beside her and say come onim sorry get in so she gets in looking resigned and defeatedand starts to cry and says im sorry i fucked up but whydo you have to be so mean? and i say i dont know icant help it im fucked up too and shes sitting there bawling

and saying i just want to go home i want to go home andsee my friends and they arent there there isnt anyonethere any more and i drive on and we make it to the campin about another hour and its a little more of a wreck than

we thought it would be with four or five big trees downall around it and the driveway blocked by another oneand worst of all the electrical service laying on the ground


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taken out by a big limb and i set to work to see if i can fixit but its too much of a mess the weatherhead all brokenand the feeder pipe ripped off the meter pan but i take itapart and get the meter pan and the panel mounted backon the house and call tanya our neighbor up river and ask

her to recommend an electrician and i call him and hell comeout the next day and i find a long piece of romex and run itto the neighbors house and steal power from his panelto run our pump and the fridge for the night though the fridgeis a wreck wed left a little bit of meat in the freezer and thesmell is the stench of death so we decide to sleep on thescreen porch which turns out to be lovely anyway withthe owls and water birds cackling through the nightand i can listen to them because i cant sleep anywayand the next day i fire up the chain saw and start to hack

at the trees which lay all around the house and just getit so we can walk around and drive in the drivewayand i have to go in to ponchatoula and buy some toolsat one point and there is a woman in the hardware storegetting a key made and shes telling the attendantthat she needs the key because theyve never lockedtheir house before but theyve heard that all this riff-rafffrom new orleans is moving in now and now they aregoing to have to start locking their doorsand the electrician comes out in the afternoon and startsto work on the service a young kid about 20 but i watchhim and he is smart and careful and he wont reinstallthe old feeders because the insulation is crackedand i like him being careful like that and he likestalking to me and doesnt seem to mind me lookingover his shoulder because he sees i know what heis doing and sees i appreciate it and while were standingout there the love bugs are swarming ive neverseen them so thick theyre everywhere in our eyesand mouth and hair and hes saying so you live innew orleans and i say yeah i used to have a house

in new orleans and a camp in ponchatoula and now i havea house in ponchatoula and a camp in new orleansand he says i dont get it how anyone could live down therei mean up here you know everyone who is your neighbor

and if anyone who comes around who shouldnt be thereits no problem because everyone knows and like no


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one locks their doors or anything but i tell you what imlocking my doors now and jesus the fucking love bugsmost worthless thing on gods green earth love bugsand i say but it could be worse they could be mosquitosand he says yeah but you know even mosquitos have

a purpose you know its like they live to bite you and makeyou miserable but love bugs they dont do nothingthey dont bite they dont sting theyre just therein your eyes and mouth and hair and all over your

windshield splattered on your car and every fucking wheremillions and millions of them

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