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Transcript of From Bosnia With Love First Two Chapters
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Y U|t
j|{ _x~ A Novel ~
Javed Mohammed
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FirstEdition
Copyright2010,JavedMohammedISBNNumber978-0-9701261-5-3LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2010926018
PublishedbyPyramidConnections,Milpitas,CAAdivisionofK2VistaProductionsemail:[email protected]:www.k2vista.com
Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Referencestorealpeople(livingordead),events,establishments,organizations,orlocalesareintendedonlytoprovideasenseofrealismandareusedfictitiously.Allothercharacters,andallincidentsanddialoguearetheauthorsimaginationandshouldnotbeconstruedasreal.
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Authors NoteThisbook isdedicated to thepeopleofBosniaandHerzegovina, Kosovo, and all victims of genocide.Althoughthisisaworkoffiction,manyofthestoriesarebasedoneventsthat tookplaceduringtheBalkanwarsofthe1990s.The stories were horrific. To allow for wider
readership,however,thegraphicviolenceandlanguagein these accounts are minimized without hopefullylosing the context of what happened. This booknarrates this part of history in a way that I hopeinspires people to step up against acts of aggressionandviolenceworldwidebeforetheybecomeafull-scalegenocide.
JavedMohammedMilpitas,CA
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AcknowledgementsI thankGod forhelpingmecompletethisproject.
Writing is a collaborative process and without thepassion and generosity of the following, this projectwouldnotbepossible.Firstandforemost,Iwouldliketo thankArifaChaudhry, aneditorwhowentbeyondthe call of duty to not only edit themanuscript, but
work on it with passion and dedication. The projecttooka lifeof its own inherhandsand for that I amthankful.AlongwithArifa,SouheilaAl-Jadda,whohashelpedmeonmy previousbooks, helped to edit theearlydrafts.ThisprojecthasbeencompletedwiththeeditingofBalqeesMohammed.AmirGanic,RamajanaHidicDemirovicprovidedmesubjectmatterexpertiseaboutBosnia andBashkimBerani forKosovo. I also
received feedback frommanypeople includingGloriaManole, Zabrina AbuBakar, Syed Amin and IrfanRydhan. Thebook layoutwas kindly done by FahimMunshiandcoverbyJuveriaAleem.Itisablessingandhonor to work with such selfless people. May Godreward everyone and make this work a source ofperpetual rewards for all. A sincere thank you toeveryonewhomadethisprojectpossible.
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Chapter 1
The Jewel of HerzegovinaWhosgoingtostopme?Thelightsweredimmed
andall thatcouldbeseenwasasideprofileofamanwith a bushy beard and a protruding nose. A slightsmirkplayedonhis lipsand theobnoxiouspridewas
evidentinhisfirmloudvoicewhenhewentoninhisstrongSlavicaccent:Asifanyonewouldevendaretotry!The interviewer asked about the killingsand rapes
of Bosnian Muslims. Crow, as he was codenamed,didnt deny them. Instead, he turned to the cameraresting sure thathis facewas still hidden in thedark,and said, We will kill every Balija and man their
women ifwemust.Whatever it takes topurifySerbiafromtheirpresence.WhenCrowwas askedwhatmotivated him to do
this, he gave a deep, throaty chuckle and replied,BecauseIcan.Whostostopme?Whocaneventry?Then he grinned and gave a victory salute with twofingersraisedtothehead.Sam tossed and turned in bed, trying to stop
thinking.But invane.Histhoughtscontinued todrifttotheinterviewhesawonTV.WhatwasitthatyoungBosnianwomanhadsaid?ItsbetterthatweBosniansstandupforwhatwe
believein,evenifitmeansstandingalone.Whowasshe?Howdidshedevelopthecourage?A
womantotakeuparmswithhercompatriots?Shehadnofearinhervoice.The lightsweredimandallSamcould remember was that glimpse of her long hair,slenderbody,andarmyfatigues.Shehadafirmgripon
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her AK47, her body and voice tense as though she
expectedanattackassoonasshemadethemistakeoflettingherguarddown.Hedaydreamedaboutwhat itwouldbe liketomeether,gettoknowher,andevenfight alongside her.Ashe finally drifted off to sleep,they were running side by side, a hail of bulletspursuing them through the beautiful yet tragicmountainsofBosnia -her longhairstreamingbehindherastheyran,literallyfortheirlives.Herhandinhis,
heturnedtolookuponherfaceandfrozewithshock.Shebecameoldandbent.Shehadtearsinhereyesasshe turned to look at Sam.He let goof herhand inshock.Helpme!Whereareyoumyson?Helpme!she
cried out, her head nowwrapped in a dirty kerchief.Sambacked awayquickly, shakinghis head, and then
hefelthimselffalling.He awoke in a cold sweat and looked aroundfrantically. He slowly recognized his room, and thewomansshriekbegantofadelikeanechointhepeaceand quiet of the Northern Californian night. Imagesfrom thenightly newshaunted his dreams often, theinjustice of what he saw on television burning inhisheart.His throat parched, Sam reached over for the
glass of water on his night table and drained it. Hesighedashelaybackonhispillows,andwithinminuteshewasasleep,dreamingofdrivingtowork,gettinglost.ThenrealizingwithapanicthathehadatesthedidntknowaboutandanotaclueaboutwhattoanswerItwas summer of 1992, andnewscasters began to
report of rumors of concentration camps and massgraves in many parts of Bosnia. In one interview,
GeneralGoranGruban,theheadofintelligenceforthe
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JNA,shookhisheadandsmiledwhenaskedaboutthe
rumor.Therearenocamps.Showme.Wherearethey?While most of the world and its leaders became
passivewitnessestothehorrorsthatwereunfoldinginBosnia, Sams conscience was bothering him. If theSerbs remained unchecked, theywould annihilate theBosnians. TheYugoslav federation had collapsed andnowtheMuslimsofBosniawerebeingpushedoutoftheirlandsbySerbiaintheeastandCroatiainthewest.Samorrather,SamirMuradhadalwaysrelated
to being an outsider. He grew up listening to hisparents stories of the family being forced of theirancestralhomeinPalestinetheirlandconfiscatedintoa settlement and seeking a home elsewhere in thewideworld, where they could raise their children in
peace and safety. Though he was not a practicingMuslim by anymeans, he still felt a kinshipwith theBosnianMuslims.He sympathizedwith them as theybecame a republic of refugees fighting for their livesand their children. So,hefollowed the conflictday inanddayout,untilitbecameanobsession.Oneday,Samtriedtestingoutthewaters.Hedidnt
know exactlywhat he coulddo to help, but knewhe
would continue towakeup in cold sweats and sleepuneasy if he didnt at least try something. He hadapproached CaptainMcGee, at the ReserveOfficers'Training Corps at UC Berkeley, where Sam was ajunior.Lickingandbitingonhislips,hewasntsureifthe captain would take him seriously or laugh at therequestofthelittledo-gooder.Captain,Ineedyouradvicesir.TheCaptain,atall
burly man looked up and beckoned him on. Samcontinued,IvebeenwatchingthenewsinBosniaand
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Iwanttodosomething.Againhepaused,waitingfora
reaction,butallhegotwasadead-panlook.I just cant sit idle andwatch this.Thisgenocide
overtherecontinue.Samcouldfeelhisheartracing.Henow tookthe longestpause, and looked into theeyesofMcGee. The captain had a steely look tohim, butthere was some warmth in his eyes. Is there anypossibility I could get an assignment to Bosnia? Tohelp the civilian population in some humanitarian
capacity?The captain took a long pause.His chair swiveled
and he looked out of the window. Sam obviouslycaughttheCaptainsattention.Hischairswiveledbackandhelookedupforafewmomentsandthendowntothe fileshe had been going through for theGeneral.Thatsanoblethought,Murad.Hestoppeddeadin
his tracks. But the U.S. wont commit any groundtroopsthere.WastheCaptain trying topasshimoff?Whatwas
he really thinking? Probably, how nave this youngfellowwas.Tothinkthathe,asingleindividualwithnocombat experience, no government backing couldmake a difference.Didnt he realize that thingsweremuchmorecomplicatedthanthat?
I know theU.S.wont Sir. But how about as anindependent volunteer or something? Ive learned somuch throughthisprogram that I knowwecanhelpthe Bosnians. Theyre dying by the thousands overthere.Thismeansalottomesir.Im sure it does, but theres nothing I can do,
McGee said. Then he paused, and stroked his chin,givingSamasmalllightofhope:Unless
Sam froze, wide eyed and could feel a tinglingsensation inhisfeet.Thatawfulbutterflysensation in
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hisstomachhadntgoneaway.Herecomesthezinger
hethought.Unless?Samaskedeagerly,unconsciouslymoving
totheedgeofhisseat.SamcouldntbeartolookattheCaptains face. He zeroed in on his fidgeting hands;surelytheywouldgiveaclue.UnlessyouwentwiththeU.N.U.N.?Samblurted.UnderaspecialstatusfromtheU.S.armedforces,
chimedMcgee.Thestateofsemi-paralysiswasover.Sam,wantedto
jump up, shout with his bursting enthusiasm, but hemanagedtorestrainhimself.SpecialstatusU.N.um,howcanIdothatsir?IllhavetoaskWashington,butitsnotgoingtobe
easy, Murad. McGee leaned back in his chair and
lookedatSam.Idontwantyoutogetyourhopesup.Thesuitsdontwanttocommitanyofourboysonthegroundthere.Theythinkitsbesttojuststayoutofit.Id owe you if you could find something out for
me.IllseewhatIcando.Sam knew that could be a green light. Now he
wanted to hug the captain, but he just cleared his
throat.Sam had always considered CaptainMcGee a fair
manandknewthatiftherewasawayforhimtohelp,hewouldfind it.Thatevening,SamcalledhisparentsinSanJosetotellthemofwhathedaskedMcGee.Areyoucrazy?hismotherFatimaexclaimed.Mom, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. If
McGeecangetmethepermission.
Youcouldgetkilledthere?
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Samtookthephonefromhisearandgaveitalong
stare.Nomom. Itsanopportunity tohelpsavelives.I
knowwhatyouanddadhadtogothrough.One person cant make a difference. You need
Americaswholearmythere,gaspedFatima.Theywilleventually come,but itmaybe too late
by then. We cant just sit back and let it happen,pleadedSam.
Our family didnt survive one tragedy only towatchyouwillinglywalkintoanother!Samsighed.Hefirsthadtowinthebattleathome,
beforehecouldevenhopeforsuccessinBosnia.Later that night, Sams father, Jameel, called Sam,
demanding ananswer to all the nonsense about Samgoingtowar.HehadtriedtosettleFatimascrieswhen
she called him at the car repair shop, but he reallydidnt have the time for that. The onlymechanic ondutywitharosterof threecarson liftsandfivemorewaitingHehadonlyonemorehourbeforeclosing.Hehadlittletimeonhishandsafterabreak-lessday,muchlessthetimetocalmahystericalwifeonthephone.HeassuredherthathewouldgetincontactwithSamthatevening, and so here hewas, honoring that promise.
Samexplainedwhyhedgoneto thecaptainandwhatthe captain had said. He also reminded him of whathadhappenedto theirownfamilyandhowthiswasapersonalmission.Samknewthat ifhecouldconvincehis father, then he would get the moral support hedesperatelyneeded to go throughwithhisplan.Aftermanyconversationsoverthenextfewdays,Samfinallygothis father to agreenot to sayno.Encouragement
wasstilla farwayoff.Overthenext fewweeks,Samcontinuously approached Captain McGee about
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whether hed heard anything yet from Washington.
Eachtime,McGeeshookhishead.Aftermore than amonthofwaiting, Sambecame
irritated.Attheratethekillingisgoingon,therewillbenomoreBosniansleftformetohelp,hemutteredto himself. As if the captain had clearly heard histhoughtsMcgeereplied.Murad,Imdoingmybest.Inyourcaseasitisnotanaturalvirtue,Imorderingyoutobepatient.YesSir.A fewweekslater,thecaptaincalledSamand told
himtocomeseehim.I havesomenews,spokeMcgee inhiscalmand
deliberatetone.Samstoodtoattention.Ohhek,hereitcomes,agazillionreasonswhytheycantsendme.Mcgeecontinued,Ihadtopulla lotof stringson
thisone.ThePentagonisgivingyou specialstatustojoin the U.N. peacekeepers. But you are under strictorders not to engage militarily with any side theBosnians,CroatsorSerbs.Meaning?Youcanonlyhelpwithreliefops.ThatwasthegreenlightSamhadbeenlookingfor.
Sam wanted to jump and say yes, yes, and give a
clenched fist,butagainhehad torestrainhimself.Hebreathedin.ThankyouSir.Ioweyou.Youdontowemeanything;justdontcomeback
inabodybag.Sam looked up at him, but he knew the captain
meantwell.SowhencanIgoSir?
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Assoonasyoucanpack.Youllhavetoflycivilian
toItalyandthentakeaboatovertoCroatia.There,youwilljointheU.N.contingentunderGeneralKlein.Sam couldnt hide his grin any longer. Stifling
himselffromhuggingorkissinghissuperiorinreturn,hemanagedacontrolledvocalreply:Sir,Ireallymeanit;Iwilloweyoufortherestofmylife.Illkeepthatinmind,McGeesaidwryly.Sam got himself ready to leave over the next few
days.Hehadtodealwith thehassleof leavingschoolinthemiddleofasemester,butthatwasnothingnextto leaving his family. Especially his 7-year-old sister,Mariyam who was so attached to him. He busiedhimselfinpreparationtosuppressthegrowingacheinhis heart over leaving all that he knew behind.Whenever feeling himself doubt or question his own
choiceofleaving,hewouldquicklyreprimandhimself.Dont forget the sights of the newscasts and theknowledge of the grave situation over in Bosnia.Rememberingthereasonforhiswishtogo,anydoubtwasquicklywipedaway.It was an overcast, chilly day a week after the
captainhadgivenhimhisgoodnews that Sam stoodnear thedeparturegateat SanFrancisco International
Airport,readytoboardaplanetoRome.Noonespokemuch,hismotherseyesredfromnearconstantcrying,his father stonily looking around at everything excepthisson,andhissisterholdingontoSamshand,lookingmorose.The four sat there in silence until Sam heard a
woman announce that boarding had begun for hisflight.Fatimabrokeinto freshtears,Mariyamheldhis
handmoretightly, andSams fathergrunted. Samgot
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up and turned towardsMariyam. Shewas the first to
breakthesilenceandalsogotup.Goodluck,shewhisperedasshehuggedSamand
turnedabruptlyaway, tearswellingupinhereyes.Begood, said Sam. Sam stiffly shook his fathers handwhilehisfathernoddedgrimly,hislipspencillinethinandfacegrim.MayGodprotectyou,hesaidinachokedvoice.
Besafeoutthereanddonttakeanycrazyrisks.Youhaveafamilyherethatlovesyouandhasbeenthroughthis kind of hell already. Remember this before youthinkofdoinganythingstupid.Samlaughedsoftly.ThanksDad,thatmeansalot
tome.Sam turned last to hismother, who had a tissue
pressedtoherlipsandwouldntcouldnt-lookather
son.Mama, Im sorry,Sam said quietly asheputhisarmsaroundher,wantingtoholdontoherforever,tocapture her loving and protectivemotherly hold. Hetookinawhiffofherlavenderperfumeonelasttime,tryingtoburnalastingandphysicallytangiblememoryof her very essence. They stood there like that for aminute while she shook with silent sobs a minute
whichseemedlikeaneternitybutwasdestinedtoendtooquickly.Hepulledherawayandkissedbothofhertear-stained cheeks and then her forehead in a mosttendergestureofloveandrespect.Pleasekeepmeinyourprayers.She nodded but didnt say anything. Her tongue
would notmove even if she tried towork it. Samsfathergentlypulledheraway, andSamquickly turned
to board theplane, knowinghewould start to cry aswell if he stood there aminute longer.Ashe headed
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intothewalkwaythatwouldtakehimto theplane,he
lookedbackandcaughtonelastglimpseofhisfamily,his mothers head buried in his fathers chest, andMariyamafewstepsawaywithherarmscrossedacrossherchest,poutingandlookingangry.Samwaved,andshewavedback,smilingfaintly.TheflighttoRomewaseventless.Samporedover
the massive U.N. training manual McGee had givenhimbeforeheleft.
General Klein will give you further training andinstructionswhenyougetthere,butreadandknowthisfirst,hehadsaidashegaveSamtheheavybook.Itsnotthesameasyougoing throughtheactualtrainingprogramsthatyoushouldbetaking.Butatleastitwillprepareyouforwhenyougetonthegroundthere.Andremember; dont get caught up in the conflict there.
Yourethereasapeacekeeper,nottotakesides.Donteverforgetthat.Themanualwasdry reading anddidntdiscourage
himfromfallingasleep throughthe long flight.WhenSamfinallylandedinRome,heimmediatelyhadtofindandboardatrainthatwasboundforthecoastalcityofBari, nearly 500 kilometers away. Exhausted by thetimehereached theportcity,hechecked intoahotel
forthenighttorestandrecharge.TheferrytoCroatiawasscheduledtoleavethenextday.Sam calledhis familywhile at the hotel.He could
hearreliefinhismothersvoicethathewassafe.Samtried to explain thathehadntyetstartedthemission,butshehadalreadyhandedthephonetohisfathersoshecouldsitandcryat thekitchentable.Samsighed.Hetoldhisfatherthathewasstillenrouteandwould
callhimassoonashereachedtheU.N.base.
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Samlaybackonhisbedinthetiny,crampedroom,
whichwasallhecouldafford.Hisbodywastensefromallthetravelingandmovementandhetriedstretchingwhilelayingdown,but itwastoopainfulandrequiredeffort.Instead,ashefelthimselfgetpulledtowardtherealm of unconsciousness, he groped inside hisbackpack next to the bed and pulled out his travelalarmclock.Withoutit,heknewhewouldneverstanda chanceofwakingup in time tocatch the ferry.Hedidnt know what time it was in Bari, but insteadcounted out eight hours and set the time. Withinseconds, he was traveling once again, but this timetowardadreamlesssleep.A fewmoments later, or what seemed like it, his
eyespoppedopenandhecouldntunderstandwhatallthe noise was about. He looked around blearily,
wonderingwherehewasandwhyhewasso irritated.Hethenrealizedthesoundwascomingfromunderhispillow.Reachingdown,hepulledouthisalarmclock,stared at it trying to focus, hit a fewbuttonsuntilhegottherightbutton,andfellbacktohispillow.Minuteslater,thealarmscreamed.Andagain,afewmoreminuteslater.Bythefifthround,Samfinallyforcedhimselftosit
upandstretchhislegs.Hegotupanddraggedhisfeetover to the window, stubbing his toe on the cornerbedpost on the way and cursing, to pull back thecurtains.Heflinchedasabrightbluedaygreetedhim.He yawned widely as he limped to the bathroom towashup.Sam checked out anhour later and headed into a
beautiful yet bustling morning in the city by the
Adriatic Sea, stopping in a small caf to get a coffeeandsomebreakfast.Heaskedtheownerfordirections
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to theferryterminal,andwassurprisedwhentheman
toldhimhewaslessthana15-minutewalkaway.Hourslater,Samwasstandingonthedeckofafast
movingferry, feelingthewavesrocktheboatbeneathhisfeet,andthesprayhittinghisface.Hedrunkinthecoolwindandbaskedinthesunshineashestaredoutat thewater, scanning thehorizonforanysignof theUnited States Sixth Fleet. He knew it was makingpractice maneuvers in the Adriatic and keeping its
distancefromthehorrorsonthegroundinBosniaandHerzegovina.The undulations of the water lulled Sam into a
daydream. In imitation of his favorite movie, TopGun,Sambegantoimaginewhathewouldbelikeasafighterpilot.MaybefortheAirForce,noithadtobetheNavy,anddefendtheBosnianpopulationandhelp
endthegenocide.HecouldbeMaverick,theTopGun,totakeontheenemy.Totopitoff,hewouldbeaherobridgingtwodifferentculturesArabandAmerican.AdumbsmilewasonSamsfacewhentheferrycrashedintosomebigwavesandherealizedwitha joltwherehewas.Hewasnt in amovienorwasheahero.Hewas just a stupid college boy going out into the big,unforgivingworld to try todo some good in it. The
U.S. had no intention of getting involved since therewerenostrategicinterests,nooil,ashadbeenthecaseintherecentGulfWar.Atthattime,hiscountryplayedthe defender of all that was good and right in theworld,forcingtheIraqiarmyoutofKuwait.Samknewhewasonhisown, and ifhebecameahero,noonewouldlikelyknowaboutit.Itwasaconflictlargerthanhim.Hisinstinctstoldhimthatitwasalsolargerthan
theUNpeacekeepingforcehewascomingtojoin.Butnothinghadpreparedhimforthefutureshockthatthis
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was turning into something larger even than the US
andNATOforcescombined.Hesatonabenchlookingoverthewater,watching
the endless sea. As the ferry moved closer toDubrovnik, a strange feeling came over Sam. Hestarted remembering his arguments with his parents.Hehatedarguingat all,butwithhisparents, itaddedguilttothestress.Andnow,hewasfeelingdoubt.Didhedotherightthing?Wouldhisparentsforgivehimifsomethinghappenedtohim?Hetriedtotakehismindoffthesethoughtsandinsteadfocusonwhatlayahead.Samhadreadmanybooksandseenfilmsaboutwar,
buthealsoknewtherealitywasfardifferent.Foronething,hewouldlikelywitnesshorrorshewouldbedutyboundnottoprevent.Heknewaboutdeathbutneverhad to face it. Though he felt good that he had
volunteered to help instead of waking up night afternighthauntedbyvisionsofpeoplecryingoutforhelp,hewasalsoangryattheU.S.andEuropeancommunityfor letting the conflict deteriorate into completemadness.Afterwhatfeltlikehours,Samcouldseelandonthe
horizon. Thiswas it. He silently began to panic, hispalmsturningsweaty.Thiswaswherethe rubbermet
theroad.Washereallyuptothistask?Wouldhereturnhomegreetinghisparentsaliveandwellorhisparentsgreetinghiminabodybag?Wouldheevergraduate?Wouldhisparentseverforgivehimandacceptwhathewasdoing?Shouldhejuststayontheferryandrefusetogetoffwhenitdocked?Despitehislongjourney,Samknewhecouldalways
turn around and go back home.Noonewould ever
blame him. Nothing kept him here; no one wouldexpectmore fromhim.And thenhe saw thewoman,
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strandsofherlonghaircaughtinaslightbreeze,alook
ofdefianceonherbeautifulface.Shestoodaloneinameadow, and when Sam looked down, he saw thatinsteadof flowers inherhand, shecarried a rifle.Helookedup and realized the skywas thickwith smokeandhe couldsmellsomethingputrid in theair, likeasweet-sour mixture of rotting apples topped withpickling juice and too-ripe garlic. Littledid he realizethat it was the uncountable rotting human corpses
exposedtotheunrelentingsunanddryingair.The womanwas looking at him, expectantly. She
wastheretoescorthimandbeckonedhimon.AsSamgotcloserhesawheralmondshapedeyesstandoutofherroundface.Sheputherrifledownandopenedherarmstoembracehim.AnotherwavecrashedintotheferryandSamjerked
awake. He didnt realize hed dozed off. He lookedaroundandsaw that theywerenearSplit,where theywere to make a brief stop before weaving throughseveralislandstoreachDubrovnik.Fortherestofthejourney, Sam paced up and down the ferry, keepinghimself awake and walking off the nervous energybuildingupinsidehim.Astheydocked,Samsheadbegan tocleara little.
Thehardeststepof all totakewouldbehis firstone.Whatmotivatedhimtowalkofftheferryandintothechaos on the ground was his overwhelmingdeterminationnottoremainaspectatorandwatchtheruinof anationand themassacreof apeopleunfoldevery night on a television set somewhere safe in hisownlittlebubble.Allheknewhecouldandwouldeverdoatthispointwasmoveforward.SoSamgotinline
andwhenhe steppedoff theboat, he heaved a greatsigh.Itfeltgoodtobeonsolidground.
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Dubrovnikwasanold fortress town that dated to
the14thcentury. Itwasbuiltonahugerockthat jutsout into the sea at a 37-meter elevation. It was anaturallyprotected, a fortressfrominvadingarmiesaswellasthieves.AssoonasSamset foot inCroatia,he felt likehe
hadenteredadifferentworldfromhisownCalifornia.Dubrovnikwasbuiltfromstonewithhillstothenorthand the warm clearwaters of the Adriatic and smallislands to the south. It had been a major touristattraction before the war, but the tourists had sincechosenothersafervenues.Onceuponatime,theplacewaseven considered romantic, but therewasno loveleftamong the inhabitantsasneighborhad turnedonneighborandwarmeanttherewerefewerprovisionstogoaround.
Amandressedinpeacekeeperfatiguesstoodonthedock,holding a card thathadSamsnameon it. Samwalkeduptohim.Hi,ImMurad,hesaid.Themanheldouthishand,Hi.ImFranz.Imto
takeyoutothegeneralimmediately.Leadtheway,Samsaid.Franz toldSaminthe jeepthat that theU.N.high
commander,GeneralAndreKlein,was fromBelgiumandhadrisenuptheranksratherquickly.Howdidhedothat?Samhadasked.Itshispersonality.Hesaforcefulmanwhoknows
exactlywhathesdoing.Hesaleaderworthfollowinganditsbestyoudojustthat,followorders.A half hour later, Sam reported to duty. He was
surprisedtoseethatKleinwasatall,thinandgraceful
man.Samrealizedthathewasexpectingsomeonelikeabulldog, from Franzs descriptions of his personality.
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Klein shook Sams hand andwelcomed him into his
command.You will be joining a convoy that leaves in two
daysforMostar,Kleinsaid.Hisvoicewassmoothandhespokecarefullyandinaneventone.Hedidntrushhis words and Sam automatically found himselflisteningattentively.Thankyousir,Samsaid.I trustyour commanding officer in theAmericas
gaveyouamanualtostudyandunderstandbeforeyoucame?Yessir.AndIvereadittwicealready.Theresnotimeforatest.Yourexperienceonthe
groundwillbethegreatesttest.Youwillhavetoproveyourself.Ihopeyoudontdisappointus.Nosir.Iwillnot.
Franz, Klein called out. Franz came into theroom.Takehim tohisunitandshowhimwherehewillbestayingfornow.FranznoddedandmotionedforSamtofollow.Your unit is made up of Dutch peacekeepers,
Franz told Samas theywalked. Somecanbe a littledifficult togetalongwith.You look slightlydifferentfromanyEuropean,andmanyEuropeansarewaryof
immigrants in their own countries, especially Arabs.Butyouprobablyknowthat.Thanks for the heads up, Sam said wondering
what was in store. In all his doubts and worries, henever considered how his fellow peacekeeperswouldtreathimorperceivehim.Samwas6feettallandgoodlookingandhadafaircomplexion.Perhapsitwouldbethe short jet-black wavy hair that would make him
standout.
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Here comes the American, Sam heard one
peacekeeper say to his friends as the two menapproachedagroupsittingatatable.Thats Rik Van Dijk, Franz murmured to Sam.
Rik had a small red stubble and had a lit cigarettecomingout fromthesideofhismouth.He, took thecigaretteoutwithtwofingers,keepingaconstantgazeonSam.He tiltedhisheadupandafterabriefpauseblewoutthesmoke.Well, look who we have here. The lone ranger
fromAmerica,anotherpeacekeepersaid.AndthatsPetrusMeijer,Franzmurmuredagain.Leave the poor guy alone, said a third man,
getting up to greet Sam as he approached. Of equalheighttohispeers,hehadroundwire-rimmedglassesandawarmsmile.
Hi,ImJohannusKlaas,hesaid,offeringSamhishand. Dont mind these men. Their mothers nevertaughtthemmanners.Oneofthemenwhistledandanotherchuckledand
saidsomethinginadifferentlanguage.JohannussmiledasheshookSamshand.Its good to meet you, Sam said. Im Sam
Murad.
ThoughSamneverhadanissueabouthisheight,hefeltlikehehadyettogrowashestoodnexttothetallblondeDutchman.Greetings,SamsaidasheturnedtoRikandheld
outhishand.IfImtheLoneRanger,youmustbemyfaithfulpartnerTonto.Youre funny, very funny? Rik chimed as he
returned a firmhandshakeand looked over at Petrus
withasmirk.Sorrytodisappointyou,Samsaid.
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Where are the rest of your people? Still doing
acrobaticswiththeF-15s?askedRik.Imhereandthatsastart,Samsaidashereached
toshakeeachofthemenshands.You know all the action is here on the ground,
Rik said as he leaned back and narrowed his eyeslookingatSam.Klaas, do you mind showing him to his bunk?
Franzasked.
Johannusnodded.Franz turned toSamandshookhishandonceagain.Goodluck.Thankyou,Samsaid.Johannustookhimtoanearbybuilding.Letmeknowifyouneedanything,hesaidashe
showed him to his bunk. And dontmind themen.Theyreallyaregoodatheart.
Noproblem,Samsaidwithasmile.Butwhenhewas alone, he thought aboutwhat Rik had said. Samfelt like he had to defend the U.S. even though hedidntagreewithitswatch-and-waitstrategy.Samknewit was being an American rather than an Arab thatwouldhaunthimnow.Butthatwasachallengehewaswillingtoface.HecouldneverchangethefactthathewasanArab,butbeinganactiveandhelpfulAmerican,
well,noonecouldsayallAmericansturnedablindeyetotheBalkanconflict.Twodayslater,Samjoinedtherestofhisnewunit
injeepsthatwouldtakethemfromCroatiatoBosnia.Aftertheirfirst exchange,themenwerenicertoSamand welcomed him into their group. Johannus gaveSamapracticalcrashcourseonpeacekeeping, forcingSam to remember what hed read in the training
manual.Hefeltliketoomuchwasbeingforcedinhis
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mind, and he didnt know how to decide what was
importantandwhatwasnt.The unit drove inland, stopping every few
kilometers at checkpoints. Rik told Sam that thesecheckpointswerecontrolledbyCroats, but that thosefarther inland would be manned by Serbs. As theirconvoyapproachedMostar,Samnoticedthatmoreandmoreshell-damagedhomesdottedthelandscape.Oncebeautifulhomeswithwhitewashedwallsandred clay-tile roofs were now deserted and pockmarked withholes from gunfire. Many had windows that werebroken or missing altogether. Some may have beenoccupiedbysquattersorgypsies,butthedamagealongwiththeunkempt gardensmadeSam thinktheywereghosttowns,hauntedbythememoriesofabettertime.Whowerethesepeople?Wheredidtheygo?Would
they ever return?Sam realized that thiswas only thebeginningof a long journey into the shattering realityof war. He had no idea what to expect when theywouldeventuallygotoareasmoreheavilyimpactedbythewar.IfSarajevowastheprizeofBosnia,thenMostarwas
the jewel of Herzegovina. Located in southwesternBosnia about 50 kilometers inland from the Adriatic
Sea,MostarwasdividedbytheNeretvaRiver.Theeastside was the old town, called Stari Grad, and waspredominantly Muslim. The west side was the newtown, called Novi Grad, and had a religiously andethnically mixed population. However, the MuslimswerecutoffbySerbartilleryandtanksfromthemajorMuslim strongholds in the east. So when the U.N.convoyarrived, itpulled inand settled in theMuslim
part,wherethemosturgenthelpwasneeded.
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The food convoy and all the aid agencies that
operated under its umbrella were vital for the dailysurvivalofthepeoplelivingthere.TheU.N.couldstilltravel through west Mostar into Croatia to bring inmuchneededhumanitariansupplies.Sam felt a sense of authority and security as he
traveled in white armored vehicles and four-by-fourtrucks with bold, black U.N. letters painted on thesides. His blue helmet would allow him freedom to
movearoundwithoutthefearofbeingawalkingtarget.But Johannuswarned him that therewere reports inthese areasofU.N.vehiclesbeing targetedbybombsandthepeacekeepersbysnipers.Whowerethesnipers?Samasked.Dependingon
whatpartof townyouwerein, Johannushadreplied,they couldbeSerbsorCroats.Their commonenemy
wastheBosnianMuslimsandanyonewhotriedtohelpthem.Although this was no vacation, Sam loved seeing
Mostar from its riverside restaurants.The hills in thebackground remindedhimof theBerkeley foothills goldenbrowninthesummerwithpatchesof lusciousgreen.Itfeltgoodtosometimesimaginebeinginmorefamiliarsurroundings.
The aqua-coloredNeretva River coollymeanderedthrough the city accompanied by lush green trees oneitherside.Onthewesternside,smokecouldbeseenrising from the Cevapcici stands, whichmade grilledground meat patties, a mouth-watering Bosnianspecialty. It was hard for Sam to believe that thispreviousparadisehad turned into a living hell for itsresidents.
Inthefollowingdays,asSamstartedtoseeMostarupcloseandpersonal, its initialpostcard imagebegan
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togivewaytoamoregrimreality.Insomeareas,what
were once lively neighborhoods now were merelyscatteredskeletonsofhomesbarelystandingupontheirbattle-scarred remains. Roofswere blownaway, wallshad gaping holes from artillery fire, windows werebroken and bullet holes sprinkled everything likeconfetti. The charred remains of mosques whoseminaretshadoncestood toattention lay scatteredonthe ground. He would often hear the rat-tat-tat ofgunfireindifferentpartsofthecity,butonthewhole,majorfightingseemedtohavehalted,fornow.There were cemeteries everywhere. Freshly dug
graveswithtombstoneaftertombstoneshowingnamesthatSamcouldnotrecognize,butitwasthebirthdates1973,1975,1976thatshockedhim.Someofthesewerepeoplewhowere around Samsown age. Even
more horrifying were the graves of little children,obviousby their smaller size in length, if not by thedates on the scattered tombstones and home-mademarkers.What had possessed neighbors who had lived for
morethan400yearstogethertoturnoneachotherlikethis? Sam wondered. What created such vile hatred,thatonehumanwouldwillinglydevouranother?Could
somethinglikethishappenbackhome?Samshudderedatthethought.Impossiblehehoped.Eachday,Samwasthankfulthathewasborninthe
U.S. theothersideof thisworld andwasable tolivewithoutparalyzingfearoranall-consuminghatredtowardhiscultureorreligion.Sam also discovered that the Bosnians he helped
were a very hospitable people, despite their
circumstancesandsurroundings.Itdidnttakelongfor
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him to befriend local residents, like the Halilovic
family.Sadik and Hana Halilovic were a thirty-something
couplewithtwochildren.Sadikwasabakerwhocamefromasmallvillageand,at21,marriedHana,whohadbeenonly17.Withtheirfamiliesencouragement,theybegantheirlifelikemosttraditionalcouples.Sadikwasliterally thebreadwinner, supportingnotonlyhiswifeand children, but also his own parents and younger
siblings.HeworkedinthebakeryandHanahelpedoutthere as well as running the household as a wife,motheranddaughter-in-law.The first time Sam met the family, he had been
distributingU.N.reliefsupplies.Awomancameuptohim. She looked like most other people who soughtsupplies. She had a medium build and wore a blue
kerchief around her short hair. Worry lines alreadybeganto creasewhatwasstillabeautiful,young face.ButitwasherhandsthatcaughtSamsattention.Theylookedliketheybelongedtoanelderlywoman.Hallo, Mr. Amer, she said softly in heavily
accentedEnglish.Sam pausedwhat hewasdoing and looked up in
surprise.HowdoyouknowImAmerican?
Thewayyoutalk,thewayyouwalk.Wow. Is it that obvious? he mused, and then
extendedhishand. MynameisSamMurad,youcancallmeSam.Not accustomed to touching unrelated men, she
tilted her head in confusion. Murad? Thats notAmericanname.No.Itisnt.ImanArab-American.
WhatkindofArab?Palestinian.
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So you knowwhat its like tobe a refugee. You
knowwhatwegothrough.I was born in America, but my parents and
grandparents have told me stories about what theywent through. Thats one reason why Ive come toBosnia.My husband is a baker, she said, abruptly
switching thesubject.Ifyougiveusmore rationsofflourandoil,hecanbakebreadformanyfamilies.Foryourcompanionsaswell.Sorry, Sam said with an apologetic smile. We
have strict orders. I cant give you more than yourquota.Shefrownedslightlybutsaidnomore.Samgaveher
oneshareoftherationandaskedherwherethebakerywas.Shepointedtoaskeletonofabuildingnearby.
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Amer, she saidsimplyandleft.Rik leaned over. Whats the ragheads problem?
heasked.Excuseme?Samsaidwithdisbelief.Thewoman.What did shewant?You twowere
talkingforabitandnowshelooksangry.Whatyousaytostirherup?
Samshookhisheadandmuttered, Nothing.Hecheckedabitterreproachandgreetedthenextpersonin line. Rik shrugged and went back to his work.Although Sam and his family had sometimes facedsubtlediscriminationwhilehewasgrowingup,stilltheywere rarely called such ugly namesbecauseNorthernCaliforniawasmadeupofmanydiversepeople.A couple of days later, Samvisited thedilapidated
bakerylateintheevening,carryingasackofflourasagift. Although there was a light on upstairs, no one
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cametothedoorwhenSamknocked.Hetappedonit
alittlelouder.Afterafewmoreminutes,justashegaveupandturnedtoleave,thedooropenedandatallmanstoodthere,awarylookinhiseyes.Merhaba, Sam said, having heard it usedwidely
amongtheBosnians.Withahesitantandconfusedlook,themanreplied
withaheavySlavicaccent,Merhaba.My name is Sam. U.N. peacekeeper but I have
comeheretooffermypersonalhelp.Unofficially.Hegesturedtothesackofflournexttohim.Oh,reliefandrecognitionspreadacrossthemans
face. Thank you. My wife told me about you. Myname is Sadik. Welcome. And he opened the doorwidertoletSamin.SamputthebagdownonatableasSadikclosedthe
door and bolted it shut. The Bosnian looked at theflourandsaid,Thiswillhelpusprovidemorebreadtoneighborhood.ThatswhyIbroughtit.Imhopingyoucouldgive
it to themostneedy,Sam said. Im sorry theU.N.canonlysupplybasicrations.No,no, thank you. I will definitely do that. It is
difficulthere in thebakery,but Ihaveneighborswho
arehungry,theirchildrencryatnight.Thankyou.Hana then walked into the room. She looked at
Sam,thenSadikandfinallytothebagofflour.Mr.Amer,shesaidinhersoftvoice.Thankyou.
Thankyou.Please,come,sitdown.Sam looked around at themodest shop front and
realized that the family livedupstairs.As theywalkedthrough the shop, Sam noticed the empty and dusty
shelves. It seemed that Sadik sold out everynight onwhatever bread he made. They passed through the
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doorHanahad comefrom,which led to thekitchen.
Samcouldstillsmellyeastthoughtheovenwasntonandthekitchenwascold.Hewassuretheovenhadntbeenturnedonatallthatday.Samshivered.Insteadofthe sweet smell of warm bread at the bakeries heremembered in California, there was an uninvitingdarknesstothisroom.Theyheadedupasmall,shabbystaircase at the far end of the kitchen to the secondfloor,whichhousedatwo-bedroomapartment.Itwascompletelydifferent fromthekitchen.Here,
there was light and it waswarmer. They entered thelivingroomwhereayoungteenagersatatatable,doingwhatlookedlikehomework.ThisismysonAbdullah,Sadiksaidproudly.Merhaba,Samsaidofferinghishandtothegangly
boy.Howoldareyou?
Thirteen, Abdullah answered, shaking Samshand. His handswere dry, his nails chipped and theskin around his cuticles were peeling. AbdullahremindedSamofhimself,insomeways,oftheshyteenheoncewas.Agirlraninto the room, and stopped shortwhen
she saw Sam and stared at him and his peacekeeperfatigues.
Andthis ismydaughterSelma,Sadiksaid,goingovertohisyoungest.Sheisonly5butshethinkssheistheoldest.Samsmiledandheldouthishandto thecutelittle
girlwho reminded him verymuchof his ownsister,Mariyam. She looked at the hand confusedly, then atherfather.Henoddedencouragingly,butshewouldntputoutherhand.Insteadshewentovertoherbrother
andstoodnexttohim,notoncetakinghereyesoffthe
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strangemaninfatiguesstandingawkwardlyinherliving
room.You have beautiful children, Sadik, Sam said,
puttinghishanddown.Heknewitwouldtakea littlelongertowinSelmaover.Thankyou,Sadiksaid.Heturnedtohischildren.
ThisisSam.HeisanAmerwiththeU.N.What do you want to be when you grow up,
Abdullah?Samasked.
A fighter, Abdullah said without hesitation anddefiantly.Sam wasnt surprised by the boys career choice.
Whydoyouwanttofight?Iwanttoprotectmyfamilyandfriends.Iwantto
killalltheSerbs.Being a fighter is good, Sam said. If you can
protectyourfamilyandfriendsthatisgood.Butmakesureyoudontdoitforrevenge.Why?askedAbdullahdefiantly,withhishandson
hiships.There isanoldsaying, If youseek revenge,then
digtwograves.Abdullahlookedpuzzled.Ifyougo toget revenge,thenitsvery likelyyou
will not only kill the bad guy, but you may also bekilled.Thenwewillbeeven,Abdullahsaidwithasmirk.
Iwillbeamartyrandtheywillgotohell.Samwas taken abackbyAbdullahs intensity. The
warhadcreatedachildsoldier.Hedecideditwouldbewiser to drop the subject for now. Sam turned toSelma.
So,Selma,whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?
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Thelittlegirlquicklywenttohermotherassoonas
SamspoketoherandhidherfacebehindHana.Shesafraidofstrangers,Hanaexplained.Im sorry, Sam said, feeling guilty that he had
terrifiedthelittlegirl.Hana whispered to Selma, who whispered back.
Selmasaysshewantstobeashopkeeper,Hanasaid.Thats great, Sam said smiling encouragingly,
hopingnottoscarethegirlagain.Likeyourfather?Selmanoddedbeforewhispering something in her
momsear.Justlikepapasoshecangiveoutfreefoodandbreadtothepoorpeople.Samwassurprisedathowconcernedthesechildren
wereaboutpeoplearoundthem.Inboththechildren,SamsawhowthetragedybroughtoutthebestandtheworstAbdullahsangerandSelmasfears.Thefamily
did not have much, but their concern and closenessreallytouchedSam.Sadik offered Sam someBosnian coffee and small
colorfulbaklava.Wow, this is awesome, Sam said, savoring the
treatandlickinghisfingersinsearchofeverylastsweetdrop,whichremindedhimofhome.Thankyou.Hanaisaverygoodcook,Sadiksaid.
Sadik,mayIaskyouaquestion?Samaskedaftertwomorehelpingsofthebaklava.Heknewthefamilywas poor, but Hana insisted he take more, and hisweaknessforsweetsmadehimveryobliging.Ofcourse,Sadiksaid.YouallspeakgoodEnglish,Iamsurprised?You know Sarajevo hosted Winter Olympics in
1984?Sadikasked.Samnodded.Wecanspeakalittle
of several languages, especially English and some
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ItalianandGerman.Touristsusedtocomeherebefore
thewar,sowelearntheirlanguages.Thatmakessense,Samsaid,embarrassedthatall
he knew was English and some broken Arabic. Hedrained his coffee a few moments later and tookpermission to leave. Thank you for your hospitalityandforbeingsonicetome.Sadik nodded and said, Thank you for the flour.
Comeanytime,Allahimanet.Thisisyourhome.
Allah imanet, Sam replied, repeating the ArabicphraseforPutyourtrustinGod.Sadikwalkedhimdown to the front of the bakery shop and bade Samfarewell. As Sam walked in the darkness toward theU.N.compoundnottoofaraway,hecouldhearSadikreboltingthedoorsecurely.Rik, JohannusandPetruswereplayingcardswhen
Samwalkedin.Hows it going with your local friends? Petrusaskedasheconsideredhishand.Cool,Samsaidnonchalantly.You should beware of the locals,Rik said ashe
putacarddown.Why?Becauseyoucouldgetscrewed,Riksaidsolemnly.
Butthatsnotabadthing.Andhelaughed.Thankyou,Samsaidwithasmile.Icantakecare
ofmyself.Sureyoucan!Petrussaidasthemenlaughed,Sam
joiningin tomaskhisirritation. Johannusputanothercarddownandtheothertwogroaned.Notagain,Rikmoaned.Sam left the roomquickly,maskinghis annoyance
asJohannusorderedtheothertwotohandover their
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cigarettes.He feltlikehewastheonlyonewhoreally
caredaboutthepeoplewhomhesworetoprotect.Asthedaysworeon,Sambecamemoreattachedto
the people of Mostar. Sam found himself treatingthose who approached him for the flour ration asfriends insteadof strangers.Andmanypeoplestartedcoming for the rations only when he was there todistribute. In this way, he learned more about thecultureandhistoryof Bosnia, and throughsmall talk,hebegantolearnthelanguageaswell.Sam discovered that althoughmost Bosnians had
not been practicing Muslims under the communistdictates of Tito, the current calamity forced them torethinktheiridentityasYugoslavs,thenasBosniansand lastlyasMuslims.AlthoughtheSerbscreated theperception that Muslims were ethnically Turkish and
different, theywere really the one and sameSlavicpeople.ManyoftheyoungerBosnianswouldaskSamabout
Islam, and though he didnt knowmuch himself, heanswered their questions according to what his ownparents taught him growing up. On one visit to theHalilovics,Samaskedthechildren,Ifyoucouldhaveanything,whatwoulditbe?
Tohissurprise,Abdullahanswered,IwouldlikeaQuranwithBosniantranslation,onethathasbeautifulArabiccalligraphy,andaTurkishprayerrug.Why?Iwant toknowIslam.TheycallusMozlembutI
dontknowwhatthatmeans.SamwastakenabackbyhowdeeplyAbdullahwas
curiousaboutreligion.Healsoknewaboutthepolitical
situationandhisownrole in it.Samneverconsideredhimselfreligious.SureheknewhowtoreadtheQuran;
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itwasoneofthebasicthingshethoughteveryMuslim
childwasexpectedtoknow.Butasanadult,heprayedonly occasionally, especially before exams and the bi-annualEidholidayprayers.Sam felt ashamedthat hisownfamilyhadsomanyprayerrugsandcopiesoftheQuranat home but didnt use themmuch.And herewasachild,thousandsofmilesaway,whoneverhadachancetousethem,butdesiredthemaboveallelse.Sam thenturned toSelma,whobynowwasmore
comfortablewithMr.Amer.Before he asked her thequestion,shepipedup,Iwantchocolate!Sam laughed. Her answer was along the lines of
whathehadexpected.Icanprobablyfindsome!She beamed, giving Sam a high-five. Sam didnt
intendtoaskHana,butsheturnedtohimandasked,Arentyougoingtoaskme?
Oh,hestammered.Right,of course,pleasetellme,whatwouldyoulikemostofall?YoureaU.N.peacekeeper,right?Yes.YouareAmer,right?Yes.YouareMuslim,right?Yes, he said, starting to wonder what she was
gettingat.Will you promise me that if something bad
happens,youwontleaveus?Samwasstartled.He thoughtfor a littlewhile.He
wasunder strictorders not to interfere or take sides.Buthewasalsohereunderahumanitarianmission.Iwill do whatever I can, he said in a non-committaltone
Promise?
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I cant promise.Nothing is inmy control. Im a
soldierunderorders.Pleaseunderstand.Sheshruggedandturnedherheadaway, angerand
disappointmentshowingclearlyonherface.Sam regretted askingwhat he initially thoughtwas
aninnocentand friendlyquestion.He tried to changethetopic.Thatsanicebackpackyouhave,Selma,hesaid,
pointingtoapink,butrathershabbylookingbag.Itshersurvivalbackpack,Sadiksaid.Wemadeit
forherincasesomethinghappenstous.Ithaswater,biscuits, her birth certificate and a letter ofintroduction.SamneverrealizedthattheHalilovicswereprepared
fortheworst,thoughnowthatSadiktoldhim,itonlyseemed logical that any family would be prepared to
fleeatamomentsnotice.Imsorry thingshavecome to thislevel. Iwish Icould domore to help you.What newsdo youhavefromthefront?Samasked.Bad. They say our defenses will not last, Sadik
replied.He lit a cigarette, then continued.TheSerbshaveheavy artillery allaround;wearesandwichedbyour enemies. We only have light guns. With arms
embargo, itishardtogetgunsandbullets.TheSerbsorCroatscouldbreakourlineanytime.I am sorry, Sam said, finding that he was
constantly apologizing that night for everything. ButyouregonnabeOK, InshAllah.Heknew theywereemptywords,buthedidntknowwhatelsetosay.Can you help my wife and children get out of
Bosnia? Sadik asked quietly. The U.N. must offer
protection.
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InshAllah, God willing, I will do what I can.
Believeme.But youmustunderstand that I am hereunderU.N.jurisdiction,therearemanythingsIwouldlike to do, but they are not in my control. Samdesperately wanted his friends, who had become likefamilytohim,tounderstandwhyhecouldnotdowhattheywantedfromhim.Samtookhishandout.Sadik nodded and put his hand in Sams.,with a
firmgrip.I trustyou.ThiswasonehandshakeSam
wantedtopullhishandawayfrom.Sam was miserable as he walked back to the
compoundthatnight,feelinghelplessandimpotenttodoanythingthatwouldhelpsavelives.Hefelt likehewasfailinginthemissionhehadsetforthonwhenhebeganhisjourneytoBosnia.Thatweek, the intensity of shelling and automatic
fire increased. As the attacks continued, the U.N.decided to begin airdropping thesupplieswhensomeofthelandroutesitusedwereclosed.Gentlemen,KleinsaidtoSam,Rik,Johannusand
Petrus one evening at mealtime. There will be anairdropof foodandsuppliesatzerohundredhours.Iwilltellyoutheexactlocationclosertothetime.Theypickedagreattime,Rikmutteredunderhis
breathtoSam,butKleinheardhim.IsthereaproblemVanDijk?Pastyourbedtime?Nosir.Then work as a team. You have to get to the
airdrop locationat theexactmoment,openthecratesand load the boxes onto your supply trucks and getback.Sir, Rik said, There are only four of us.What
abouttherestoftheteam?
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Thats allweneed.Murad, you partnerwithVan
Dijk.Meijer, yourewithKlaas.And onemore thing,the Serbsandmaybe theCroatswill try toget to thesuppliesfirst.Soworkfastandefficiently.Yessir,allfourmensaidinunison.Thirty minutes before midnight, the group was
ready to leave. Sam and Rik were in one truck, andPetrusandJohannuswereintheother.Astheyleftthecompound,SamcouldheartheItalianG-222transportplane. The planeappeared to be circling and lookingforabeacontodropitspayload.The trucks made their way northwest toward the
Croatianborder.Samlookedupandsawthefirstsignsofthedrop.Look, here they come, he said toRik. Its like
MannaandSalwafromtheheavens.
Rik looked over, disgust on his face. You areligiousnutorsomething?Ididntmeanitinabiblicalsense.Good,hesaid,returninghisattentionbacktothe
road.Idontbelieveindivineintervention.Sam had to force himself not to roll his eyes and
react.Astheygotclosertothefieldwherethefirstdrops
fell,SamdecidedtoprobeRikslogic.SoyoudoordontbelieveinGod?heasked.Hellno.Lookatall thiskillinghere;itsall inthe
nameofGod.Everyonesclaiminghim.Sure religion is a factor, but so is politics and
greed,Samsaid.Rikshrugged.Whatever.Godwouldntletsomany
peopledieand let all thishappen.Where isHewhenpeoplecryoutforHim?
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Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Rik
cuthimoff.Werehere.They jumpedout of the truck and ran toward the
first crate. Sam, using a sheath knife, cut off theparachutecordsand opened up thenet that held thepackagestogether.Inside were brown boxes marked with bold blue
writing and the insignia of the World FoodProgramme.
Iwillgetintothetruck,Samsaid,Youcanpassthemtome.No,lwillgetintothetruckandyoupassthemto
me,retortedRikWhatever, Sam said, heaving out a sigh while
rollinghiseyes,irritatedbytheuselessargument.The second truck hadpulled up by this time,and
JohannusandPetrusbeganworkingonanothercrate.A half hour later, the two pairs had packed up thecontents of eight crates and were returning to theirbase.Wellthatwaseasy,Samsaidastheyheadeddown
thedarkdirtroad, and thenimmediately regrettedhiswords.Theyhadonlygone200metersbeforetheyhadtostop.
Whatthehellisthat?Riksaidloudly,pointingtoa fallen tree across the road. Where the hell did itcome from?His knuckleswerewhite as he grippedthesteeringwheelandbegantocurseunderhisbreath.Soldierscameout fromeithersidewiththeirweaponsdrawn.Shit!exclaimedSam.Kleinwasright.Illradioin
forhelp.
Samcalledbaseandquicklyexplainedthesituationasthemendrewclosertothetruck.
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Do not fire unless you are fired upon, Klein
urgently toldhim. Show themyourU.N. credentials.If the situation gets hot, cooperate. Do not riskconfrontation.Butsir--ThatsanorderMurad.The soldiers ordered all fourmen out and forced
themtoopenthebackdoorsoftheirtrucks.Theythenmotionedforthemtounloadthecargo.Someminivansappeared and the officer in charge barked orders.Within a fewminutes, the fourmenhadunloadedallthecontentsofthetrucks.Samcouldnttellwhosesidethemenwereon.They
could have been Serb or Croat. Bosnian maybe, butSamthoughtthatwasunlikely.Have a nice day, the officer in charge said in
brokenEnglish.Thesoldiersallgotintotheirvansanddisappearedintothenight,asquicklyastheycame.Thefourstoodtheredumbfounded,lookingatone
another.Howarewegoingtoexplainthis?Petrusasked.Dontworryabout it,Samreplied.Kleinknows
thesituation.Ialreadyradioedhim.Together, theypushedat the treeblockingtheway
tocleartheroad.Whentheyfinallyreturnedtocamp,Klein was not angry about the loss. He was visiblypleased that hismenwere safe. Therewasonemoreairdrop in thenext fewdays thoughsmaller.But itwassafelybroughttotheU.N.warehouse.Besides visiting the Halilovics, Sam tried to make
thebestofhistimeandthesituationbyexploringmoreof the city. He would walk down themain street in
Stari Grad, and Sam would often wonder how theTurksbuilttheStariMostBridgeoutofstone500years
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ago?Mostof thebuildingswerebuiltof charcoalgrey
limestone. Tall, shapely and yet bland, the buildingswere interspersedwithplasteredwallsofvarioushuesofredandbeigeAlthough food was sparse in the Muslim sector,
SamenjoyedTurkishpizza,whichhecouldonlygetbycrossing over to the Serbianside.Thepizza doughwith groundmeat flavoredwith somespices wasasimple,lowcostandfillingmeal.OntheBosnian-Croat
side,thoughthefightingwasjustafewhundredmetersaway,Samwouldwalkpast themosquesandheartheAzancalltoprayer.Hedfeelsomethingpullinghimto go inside, but he never did. Most mosques weretargetsfor snipersandhadalsobeendamagedby theshelling. Five times a day, worshippers provided anidealtargetforsnipersandtherewerecasualtiesallthe
time.Butwhen Sam spokewith theMuslims,he foundthemoptimistic.If I am going to die, then what better way?
InshAllah,theywouldsay.Manyhopedthatoncethefighting stopped, the mosques would be rebuilt.Thoughmanyhadnevergonetoamosquebeforethewar, the fighting and unrest had a religious effecton
thepeople.Though seeing a pockmarked mosque was
discouraging,whatbotheredSammostwasseeingatallminaretdownandcrumbledlikeafallensoldier.Anoldman in a thin overcoat prostrated in prayer.As hedpassthemosque,Samwouldthinktohimself, Comeon soldier, stand up, stand tall, stand and call thepeople to prayer, again.Day after day, hedpass the
silent, fallen soldier in this graveyard of religioussymbols
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Although the Bosnians Sam knew put up a brave
face,hecouldseethatthingswereslowlydeteriorating.Selma and Abdullah had problems sleeping at night.Selmawouldoftenwakeupinterror,livinginconstantfearofthestraybulletsandmortarshellsfallingaroundthemintheirneighborhood.Asthesituationinthecityspiraleddownward,Sam
decidedtoatleasttrytofulfillthechildrenswishes.Hehad enough contacts through his U.N. supply tripsthroughtheWesterncorridorofMostarintoCroatiatobe able to request special favors. One evening, hedroppedbytheHalilovicswithhisusualbagofflour.I havesomething special for you today, he sang
out to thechildrenashewalked in.Selma jumpedupand ran to him,Abdullah looked over, interested buttryingnottoshowit.
SampulledoutaQuranwithArabicscriptinblackandgoldink.HereachedoverandgaveittoAbdullah.I used to read theQuranwhen Iwasyourage.
Sampaused.Itisatreasurechestofwisdom,butyouhave to read it to find the gold and diamonds. Youhave to reflect on it and actupon it.Thatswhatmymomusedtotellme.Abdullah was speechless as he took the Quran,
staring at the cover and tracing over the goldenletteringgentlywithhisfingers.Pray foryourfamily,Samcontinuedsolemnlyas
Selmastoodbyhim,impatientlyshiftingfromonefoottothenext.Andpleaseprayforme.Ihaventbeenaverygoodpersontoo.Abdullahlookedup.Iwill.Heextendedhishand
toSam,whoshookit.
SamturnedtoSelma.Areyoureadyforyourpresent?
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Yes! she burst out, now hopping up and down.
Isitchocolate?Samsmiled.Ofcourse,butIalsohaveanothergift
for you. She looked as he pulled a doll out. Selmashrieked and grabbed the rag doll, hugging it beforerunningtoshowhermother.YouknowIhaveasisterjustlikeyoubackhome,
Samsaid.Whatishername?
Mariyam.Howoldisshe?Shesseven,andverycutejustlikeyou.Sinceshes
nothere,willyoubemylittlesister?Selma hugged the doll and nodded. Wheresmy
chocolate?Sam laughedand shookhisheadashetookouta
HersheybarandaToblerone.Selmaseyeslitupagainand shehugged Samandgrabbed a bar. SamofferedthesecondbartoAbdullah,whowassmilingDonteat it all atonce,Samsaid,buthiswords
weredrownedout by the soundof the tearing candywrapperWith increased tensions, Sam and the Halilovics
relied on eachother for support.ForSam, theywere
hisextendedfamily.FortheHalilovics,Samwastheironlyhopeshouldthingstakeabadturn.Samheardthat theSerbshad fortifiedtheir troops
andweregettingreadyforthefinalpushonMostar.ItwasonlyamatteroftimebeforetheBosniansranoutoftheirlightmunitions.TheCroatshadsignedanon-aggressionpactwith theMuslims,but itsoonbecameclear that theyhadothermotives.TheCroatswanted
MostartobeapartofgreaterCroatia.
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Thenoneday, theCroatsfiredmortarshellsat the
StariMostBridgeuntilitcollapsed,stonebystone,intotheNeretvaRiverbelow.BuiltbytheOttomansinthe16thcentury, thebridgehadeventuallybecomeoneofthe regionsmostpopularand favorite sights.But theheartless shelling erased 500 years of Muslim historyandtraditioninlessthan50minutes.As soon as Sam heard the news, he ran to the
Halilovics.Didyouhear?Thebridgeisdown.Sadik nodded but didnt say anything, a frownon
hisface.Itsgone,Samexclaimed.Youhavetofindaway
out!Theresnowheretogo,Sadiksaidquietly,looking
at his wife. The Croats have closed the border to
Muslimsandontheeasternside,therearetheSerbs.Butifyouwaithere,youresittingducks,Samsaidimpatiently.Canyou takeusunder yourprotection?You can
getoutthroughtheSerblines,Sadiksaid.IwishIcould.JusttakeHanaandthechildren.Samshookhishead.
Justthechildren?Samsighedandshookhisheadagain.Thenhowdidyouexpectmetoescape?Ihaveno
otheroptions,Sadiksaidexasperated.Im sorry, Sam said miserably and helplessly,
turning to leave. Everyone should be fleeing soon,therehastobeawayout.Ijustwantedyoutoknow.
***
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AtdawnonMay18,1993,theCroatsfromMostar
turned their backson the standing truceandattackedtheirMuslim neighbors. TheMuslims,with their fewmunitions,werenomatchfor thestrongerCroatsandtheirdefensesonthewestsidecrumbled.Byevening,itwasallover.Homeswereransacked, thewomenraped, themen
slaughtered, the children and elderly were the onlyremainingwitnesses.Youngmenandboysof fighting
agewhohadntbeenkilledinthemassacreweresenttointernmentcamps.ItwasacruelformulaeffectivelyusedbytheSerbs
against the Croats andMuslims.Now the Serbs andCroats teamed together and used it against theMuslims.GeneralKleindecidedtopullhistroopsoutofthe
area.Samwaslivid.ButSir,wearepeacekeepers.Whatisthepointofusbeinghereifwedonttrytoenforceapeace?Johannus chimed in, Sir I second that.We cant
justbespectators.That is not our mandate, Klein said irritated.
Our objectivewas only to providehumanitarian aidwhile it was safe for our men to do so. Because
conditions no longer allow this, we must pull out.Anyways, as peacekeepers, therehas to be a level ofpeacetokeep.Now,withthis,thereisnolongereventhat.Itstimeforustogetout,ifwestillcan.Is headquarters not going to do anything about
this?Wecantjustwatchthedramaplayout.Thesearerealpeople,Sampersisted.Are you responsible for thepoliciesof theU.S?
Kleinasked,turningtowardSam.Samshookhishead.
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Kleinwentoninatoneofmoredefinitiveauthority
inordertotrytodissuadeSamfrompesteringhimanymoreaboutit.IamnotresponsiblefortheEuropeanCommunityortheU.N.Wedowhatwecan,givenourconstraints.Nowmove!Idontwanttohearanymoreofthis.SamscowledatthegroundandJohannuswasstone-
faced as the two filed out of the generals room andwenttopacktheirbelongings.Samwasworriedaboutthe Halilovics and all the other friends hed madeduringhisstay, feeling likehedbetrayed thembynotdoingmore tohelp.WereallMuslims,hethought.TheonlydifferenceisthatIhaveabluehelmetandamanAmerican.Thatslikedivineprotection.WilltheHalilovicslivethroughtheviolence?Will theCroats orthe Serbs spareSelma, AbdullahandHana?
As soon as he had a chance, Sam asked aroundamong the few locals he met near the compoundwhether they had seen the Halilovics, the bakersfamily. All he could find out was the terrifying non-definitivenewsthattheshophadbeenhitandsomeofthefamilyhadescaped.TheconvoycampedoutsideMostarthatnight,but
Samonlytossedandturned,notabletosleepforfear
andworryoverhisadopted family. If Sadikhadbeenkilled,SamatleastowedhimaMuslimburial.ButifhereturnedtoMostar,hewouldbedisobeyingordersandcouldgetintobigtrouble,letaloneriskbeingshotandkilled.Afteranhourormoreofunsuccessfulattemptsat
sleep, he decided to take the risk, consequences bedamned.He needed to see the shop for himself one
lasttimeandfindoutifanyonewasdeadorhurtintherubble.Samgotupandcreptoutsidetheencampment.
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He took a few steps before hearing rustling behind
him.HewhirledaroundandwasfacetofacewithRik.Dontdoanythingstupid,Murad,Rikhissed.Samputhisfingertohislips.Shhh.Ijusthaveto
seewhathappenedtomyfriend.Iwontbelong.Rik narrowed his eyes and looked at Sam before
shrugging. Its your ass, notmine. Be back quickly.Were heading to Sarajevo first thing in themorning,withorwithoutyou.
Sam nodded while exhaling a sigh of relief Willdo.Hisheartracedfasterthanhislegsashesilentlyran
throughthe encampment andbackdownthe road toMostar.Ifhewascaughtbyanyofthefighters,noneofthe blue helmets in theworld could help him at thatlatehour.Heranuntilhewasoutofbreathbeforehe
slowed toawalk along thesideof theroad,going asquietlyashecould.Ashenearedthecity,heveeredoffthe pavement, dodging into side streets, beforereaching the many roadblocks leading into it. Thestenchof deadbodieshung in the air andmadehimgag.Homeswerestillsmolderingfromartilleryattacks.Everything was unnaturally still and quiet as Samcarefullymadehisway, assilently ashe could, to the
Halilovicbakery.Whenhegot to thebuilding,hewasshocked to see the second floor gone. All thatremainedwerecharredwoodenjoists.Perhapsamortarshell had triggered the explosion of the gas canistersSadikusedinthebakery.Samtriedtosilentlymovesomeoftherubbletosee
if he could find any bodies. He pointed his smallflashlighthereandthere,seeingdebriseverywhere,but
nobodies.Timewasrunningout andSamhad tobebackatthecampbeforedawn.Ahalfhourlater,justas
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hewasabouttogiveupthesearch,hesawwhatlooked
likefingersbehindafallencabinet.Hisheartpoundedin his throat ashe stood rooted to the spot, all of asudden notwanting to take a closer look. He alwayshatedgoing to funeralsbecause thedeadbodywouldmakehisskincrawl.Stupid,didyoucomeallthiswayinthedeadofthenightonlyto turnawayatthe firstsignofabody?He mentally prepared himself, and then took out ahandkerchief and tied it around his nose andmouthbeforegoingtoliftthecabinet.Aftersomeheavingandpushing, hewas finally able to slide it away and sawSadiks broken body beneath. Sadik had been facedown, dried blood pooled around him. Sam saw awound on the neck, whichmeant that his old frienddidntjustdie fromamortarortankshell.Therehadbeen a fight in thisshop.Everything in the old shop
was charred, and Sam realized that the cabinetmusthaveprotectedSadiksbodyfromburningaswell.Sam could barely lift only the upper torso of his
friends body, so he dragged it, as respectfully as hecould, to thebackyard,andthenstoodthere,pantingandwonderingwhattodonext.HeknewthatMuslimswererequiredtowashtheirdeadbeforewrappingthemin a white cotton cloth and burying the body. Sam
didnthavemuch in theway ofwater or cleanwhitecotton towrap thebody. Instead,hegrabbedaspadefromthesideof thebuildingandslowly,asquietlyashecouldmanage,begandiggingahole.Afterwhatfeltlikehoursofconstantdigging,Samhadaholebiganddeep enough to bury his friend in. He grabbed theanklesanddraggedthebodyover,tryingnottoletthebodyfallasheloweredhisfrienddown.Theweightof
thecorpsenearlytookSamdownintotheholeaswell.
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WhenSadikwassafely in thehole, Sam stoodup,
wiping his sweaty forehead and panting harder thanever.PerhapsthiswasthewaySadikwassupposedtobeburied,hethoughtandhoped.Hewouldhavebeenamartyrwhofelldefendinghishome,his family andhispeople. Perhapsone day,maybewhen thiswholemessywarwas over, Sadiks family could give him aproperburial, if theywerestill alive. ItwastoomuchforSamtohopefor.
SamstoodbythegraveandmadeasilentprayerforSadik and his family. Maypeace be on you brother,and may you gain the reward of a martyr and enterparadise. May God forgive you your sins and havemercyonyourfamily.Ithankyouforthekindnessyoushowedtothiswretchedsoul.Sam quickly and quietly filled the hole, his tears
mixing in with the dirt. He could feel the weight ofeachshovelofdirtfallonhisowngrievingheart.Itwas stillanhourbeforedawnwhenSam finally
returnedtocamp.Hemanagedtoslidebackinsidehistent,hisheartpoundingandclothessmelling.Rikandtheothermenwerestillasleep.Hequietlychangedhisclothesandclimbedintobed, stillunable tosleepbutfeelinglikehedidallhecould,thoughhecouldnthelp
thefamilytosafety.Returning,evenifonlytoburythedead,gavehimtheclosureheneededto leaveMostarbehind.Eventhoughitwasanincompleteclosure,heknewthatitwasalltheclosurehecouldpossiblygetatthistime.
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Chapter 2
The Siege
The road from Mostar to Sarajevo was full ofpotholes, abandoned cars, armored carriers and anoccasional tank. Like most roads in Bosnia, it wasscatteredwithcheckpoints.
And each needed its own diplomacy, payoff orstandoff.At the very first checkpoint, Serbsoldiers ordered
allthepeacekeepersoutoftheirvehiclesandaskedforIDs.A soldier took a long look at Sams ID beforeasking him whether he was Muslim. Sam wouldntanswer,mainlybecausehedidntknowwhethertotellthetruth,lieorprotestthequestionitself.Hemotioned
Samawayfromthegroup.The soldier repeatedhis question, this timea little
louder.ImUNpeacekeeper,Samfinallysaid,settlingon
anevasion.The soldier shook his head, getting irritated. The
Dutch peacekeeperswere alsoonedge, ready to stepin.
YouMuslim? the soldier repeated for the thirdtime,nowmuchlouderandwithhishandonhisgun.I am a United Nations peacekeeper and that is
that,Samsaid,keepinghisfacesmoothashefoughtpanic from creeping into his voice.Why did henowhavetorememberthestoriesofwhatsoldiershaddonetoMuslimpeacekeepers?Heknewhiscolleagueswould
defendhim if hewasattacked, but hedidntwant torisktheirlivesaswell.SamopenedhispalmtoRikandthegroup,motioningthemtobepatient.
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As the now scowling soldieropenedhismouthto
speak again, a Serb officer walked over and Saminwardlygroaned.Thegiantofamanwasstockyandhad a bushybeard, but thedeadliest thing about himwasthe4Sinsigniastitchedonhisblackwoolencap.Only troops controlled by the ruthless RadovanKaradzicworethat.TheofficerlookedatSamsIDandthenat Sam, slowly lookinghimupanddown,sizinghim, andmakinghim feel small and insignificant. He
then spoke in broken English. For a moment, Samthought the officers voice sounded familiar, butcouldntimaginewherehedhearditbefore.Whatisproblem?Samopenedhismouthtospeak,butGeneralKlein
nowpushedhiswaythroughtomeetrank.Hecamebyand spoke loudly, protesting the holdup.The officer
looked at Klein and then back at Sam, hesitatingslightlybeforehandingSamhisID.Before turning toleave, he pointed two fingers at Sam and mimickedshootingagun.Seeyoulater,hesaidwithawickedsmile.Sam looked at Klein, who stared after the officer
beforeturningaroundandorderinghismenbackintothevehicles.
The convoy traveled throughwhat probably wereonce picturesque scenes. Winding roads cuttingthroughlushvegetationandmountainpasses.Sporadicredtileroofedhomesdottingthelandscape.Every time the convoy was stopped, the
peacekeepers asked the samequestions.Whats goingon? Whos holding us up? How long will it take?Although the trip fromMostar to Sarajevowas only
100km, ittookthepeacekeepersalmostthreedaystomakethejourney.
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Whentheyfinallyarrived,Samwasspeechlessover
Sarajevosbeauty.Thecity laynestledinapicturesquevalleysurroundedbymountains,includingthemajesticMount Trebevic. TheMiljacka River cut through thecity from east to west with most of the importantlandmarksdotting itsbanks.Onits southwesternsidewere the Bosnia River and the airport. Tallminaretsand church steeples adorned the landscape, and tiledroofs covered whitewashed homes with patches ofgreenvegetation scattered about. Localssaid Sarajevowasevengreener before thewar,but theshortageofheatingoil forcedresidentsto cutdowntreesanduseanythingelsetheycouldfindforfuel.LikeMostar,SarajevowasamixofEastandWest.
Old and new. Cobblestone and asphalt roads.McDonalds restaurants and Turkish coffee shops.
Although the majestic city played host to the 1984WinterOlympics, it couldno longerhidethe realitiesof war. Sarajevo was now held hostage by its ownminority Serbpopulation,whichhad heavy assistancefromborderingSerbia.The Serbs controlled themountains and the exits
and entrances to the valleys with tanks, artillery andsnipers.Holesdecoratedbuildingsandpavements,and
flowers were scattered here and there hastymemorialswhereaninnocentsoulleftthisworld.General Klein stationed the U.N. convoy at the
Holiday Inn. Like the rest of Sarajevo, the yellow,rectangularbuildingcouldnothideitsbruisesfromthewarandbulletholesornamented theexternalwalls tothe 10th floor.Despite the obviousdamage, Sam stilladmiredthebuildingsdesign.Ratherthanarectangular
building, itwasas if thedesignerwas inspired touseLegoblocksandaccidentallyleftsomeout.Itwasalso
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a haven for the many journalists who gathered to
document the war. Perhaps thats what made it theSerbsfavoritetargetpractice.Before checking in, Klein gathered his men and
pointedoutafewbasicsafetyconcerns.Alwaystravel inpairs,hesaidlookingateachof
them. This is the frontline. Dont ever walk alonehere, anddont fireunlessyoure firedupon. Alwayscarry a first-aid kit. As the weather gets colder, you
must also carry an emergency foil-blanket and flareswithyou.SarajevoisnotMostar.As Klein spoke, Sam quickly glanced around and
saw Rik listening with rapt attention, Petrus offeringthegeneralhisusualindifferentlookandJohannuswaswell, itwashard to readhim.His facebetrayednoemotion.
Although staying at aHoliday Inndid not at firstseemtobeahugeprivilege,Samsoonfoundthat therates the U.N. and the journalists were payingamounted to what the current Bosnian made in oneyear.Priceshadtripled,quadrupledand,insomecases,evenrisentenfold.Cigarettes,food,fuelandgunswerevaluable trading commodities. The more middlementherewere, thegreaterthemultiplicationfactor.Prices
forAmericanMarlboroswentup to asmuch as500DeutscheMarksacarton,fromwhathadbeenamere50DMbefore thewar.Basic foodstuff suchasflour,oilandeggswasliterallypaidforingold,diamondsandsemi-precious jewels as people traded in their jewelryandothervaluablestosurvive.Sams responsibilities in Sarajevo were not much
different from those he had in Mostar. Deliver and
distributethemeagerfoodandsupplies,andreportanyviolations of the fragile truce. Each morning Sam
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would help distribute flour, oil and other basic
essentials the convoy brought. Anytime he met afriendly face, he would ask if the person knew of amotherand twochildrenfromMostar.Eachtimethereplywas,Idontknow.Although Sam saw parallels between Sarajevo and
Mostar,hefoundthatwhatmadeSarajevodistinctwasthe stranglehold the Serbs held on the city.Militarily,height was an advantage; this gave the Serbs totalcontrol.Eachdaytheywouldshellandshoot into thecity.EachdaySamwouldhearnewsabouthowmanypeople were killed or maimed. It reminded him ofOaklandandEastPaloAlto;eachcityhadatonetimebeenthemurdercapitaloftheU.S.SamfeltlikeBosniamustbethemurdercapitaloftheworld.Eachtimeheheard the news, he would wonder why people killed
one another.Whatmotivated them to killwhatwereformerlytheirownbrethren?ThesiegeonthecityhadbegunApril5,1992,and
everyday,men,womenandchildrenwerekilled,mostofthemtragicvictimsintheirattemptatlivingnormalcivilianlives.TheonlytimetheBosniandefenseforcescould strike back was at night, when the Serbsweremorelikelytobedrunk.
As thedayswentby, Samcontinued to search forthe Halilovic family. Although he had built a certainrapport with his colleagues, he was hesitant aboutopeningupto themaboutwhathewasdoingoutsidehis assigned responsibilities. At the Holiday Inn, hestarted by asking the front desk staff, the bellman,anyonewhohethoughtcouldhelphimgetsomewherein his search. Thebartender suggested he try various
aidagenciesinthearea.
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Sam visited the Red Cross down the street and
described the Halilovic family to the first worker hemet.SinceSamhadonlytheirnamesandbasicfamilydescriptions, the worker said it would be nearlyimpossible to find them. Next, he tried the IslamicReliefaidagencyacrosstown,butstillcameupempty.Sam started becoming disheartened. One evening,
after another day of fruitless searching, he satdespondentlyatthehotelbarwithaPepsiinhand.
Youlooklike,youcouldusesomecompany.CanIjoinyou?Sam looked up. A tall, well-built, 30-something
Bosnian stood looking curiously at him. He wore ablackpoloshirtandcamouflagepants.HewasMehmetLatifovic, aBosnianmilitary leadermanyof the localshadtoldhimabout.
Sure,Samsaidsurprised.Mehmetsmiledandsatdown.Just water please, he told the bartender before
turningtoSam.ImMehmet,hesaidholdingouthishand.You
mustbewiththeU.N.Samnodded.ImSamMurad.Youweredeepinthought.Issomethingtroubling
you?ImlookingforafamilythatfledfromMostar,but
Ihaventhadanyluckfindingthem.Youvisitedtheaidagencies?Yes,andtheU.N.,ofcourse,andaskedthelocals,
but.This is a large city andwehavemany refugees,
Mehmetsaid.Youhavetobepatientandlucky.
Canyouhelp?Itsreallyimportant.Whatisfamilyname?
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Halilovic.WhenMostarfell,Sadik,thefather,was
killed.ButIthinkthemother,sonanddaughtermighthavesurvivedandcomehere.Andmaybenot,Idontknow.Mehmettookalongdrinkfromhisglass,thinkinga
little.Illaskaround,hesaidthoughtfully.Thankyou,Samsaidgratefully.Illoweyou.Ill see what I can do. Now let me guess, you
Canadian?Close. Youre not that far off. Actually Im
AmericanAmerican!TherearenoAmericansontheground
here.YouCIA?No,No,justpoorcollegestudent,nowwithUN.
StupidlyhopedthatIcouldhelpbringpeace.American on the ground? said Mehmet, still in
disbelief and lit a cigarette. Thats first! Morecoming?IhopethatImthefirstofmany.Samwantedto
change the subject away from himself. How aboutyou?Whatsyourdeal?Samasked.I was with the U.N. until a few months ago,
Mehmetsaidlookingintohisglassandtakinganotherpuffofhiscigarette.
Andthen?Samprompted.Mehmetsighed.LetsjustsaytheU.N.andme,we
dontgetalong.So,Iquit.Why?WhydidyoujointheU.N.?Mehmetaskedinstead.Sam again felt hot under the collar. Because.
BecauseIcouldntjuststandwatchingitonTV.Ihadto be on the ground, so here I am, handing out
supplies.
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There are others who can handle the job better
than you,Mehmet said. Sam lookedMehmet in theeye,whatwashetryingtosay?Butwe need something farmore important than
justfood.Whichis?Samprompted.Mehmet lookedup.If I tellyou, Illhavetohow
doyousay,killyou!helaughed. I havetogonow.MaybeIwillshowyouwhat remainsof ourbeautiful
citysometime.I would love that. Any chance we can do it
tomorrowmorning?Iwillseeyouat7.Sam sipped his Pepsi, which was flat by now,
amazedattheturnofevents.HedjustmetthepopularMehmet. Many highly educated people had left
Sarajevowhen the fighting first broke out; somehadbeen captured or executed. But people like Mehmetstayedbehind,theysurvivedandbecameleadersoftheresistance. Mehmet was a key logistician and it wasbecause of his skills that the U.N. had asked him tohelpcoordinateanddistributehumanitarianaid. Thensuddenly,hecut tieswiththeU.N.,butnooneknewwhy.Somepeopleexudeconfidenceanditappearsthis
Mehmetcouldpullstringsanywhere.If therewasoneman who could help finding the Halilovics, it wasMehmet.Sam awoke early the next morning. Although the
suns rays shimmered off the remnants of brokenwindowpanes, Samcould feel the early chill seep intohisbones.Anhourlater,stillcoldandtired,SammadehiswaytothefrontofthehotelwherehesawMehmet
standinginthebrightsunshine.MerhabaSam,Mehmetgreeted.
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Merhaba,Samsaid,discreetlystiflingayawn.
Lets go, Mehmet said turning and immediatelysetting off. They walked through Sarajevo, downMarshallTitoStreet,themainthoroughfareparallelingtheMiljackaRiver.See those signs, Pazi Snajper? Mehmet asked
pointingtosomesignspostedalongthestreet.Yes.Itreads,BewareofSnipers.SniperAlley, GeneralKlein told us towatchout
foritSamsaid.Well, when youre in your armored personnel
carriersoruniforms,youmaybeOK.Butdresslikeacivilianandyourejustanothertarget,Mehmetsaid.Thankyou.Thanksforthewarning,Samsaid.They walked on in silence. After a while, Sam
decidedtoaskwhatwasonhismind.SoIheardthatyoutransportguns.Isthattrue?Where did you hear that, asked Mehmet
uncomfortablewithSamsdirectness.Ihavemysources.Soyouretraffickingweapons?Mehmeteyesdarted towardsSamand then looked
away.Ihelptodefendourfrontlines.HedidntsayanymoreandSamdecidednottopushit.
As they approached a large mosque, Mehmetpointedto its top.Seetheminaretanddome?ThatstheGaziHusrefBeg.ItwasbuiltbyMuslimsin1530andisoneofthekeysymbolsofOttomanhistory.Theinscriptionthereisworthreading,Mehmetsaid.Butbecareful.Youreinthelineofsight.Samloweredhisheadandwalkedcautiouslytoward
theplaque.Hereadaloud.HusrefBegwasovertaken
bydarknessinastatewhichwasnotsleep.Whatdoyouthink?Mehmetasked.
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Thats deep. I dont know what the whole line
means but I guess they forecast the future, Sammused.Youreathinker.Nowletsmoveon.MehmettookSamtowardtheoldestpartofthecity.
Although itwasntmore than a few city blocks awayfromthehotel,thetwohadtotakeacircuitousroutetokeep away from the line of fire. It was more of anenergy-draininghikeforSamthanarelaxedsite-seeing
excursion.After a little while, they came to a place where
hundredsofsmallshopsandstallswerespreadbeforethem. This is Bascarsija, Mehmet said. The oldTurkish Bazaar,or rather,whats left of it.Some ofthestallswereoccupied,somederelict.Thetramsthathadonceprovidedthecityspublictransportationwere
nowscatteredaroundwithnotrackstorunon.Mehmet pointed to one side of the market. Seethatcorneroverthere?Samnodded.There was a peace march there on April 5th.
Hundreds of thousands of Bosnians gathered tocelebrate and demand our independence, and thatswherethefirstmartyrdied.
Whowashe?Samasked.It wasshe.ShewasaCroatian.SuadaDilberovic.
Youmustrememberherlastwords.Whatdidshesay?Oh please do not tell me this is happening in
Sarajevo.AsSamcontemplated the saying, therewasa loud
thudandthesoundofamortarshellexploding.
SamandMehmetquicklyducked.
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Quick,Mehmetsaidurgently.Wehavetomove
fast.Theresgoingtobeanotheronecoming.Therewasa burst of gunfire asbothmen ran for
cover.Dontruninastraightline,MehmetyelledatSam,whohadhisarmsheldoverhishead.Youdontwanttobecomepredictable.
Easy for you to say, Sam thought bitterly. Theystoppedatadjacentdoorwaysoftwosmallstorefronts,Sams heart was racing. Mehmet peered out, lookingforaclearrun.Remember thesewisewords,hemuttered as he
looked around, if you cansee the hills, the hills cansee you.He turned to Sam. Are you ready? Samnodded,nottrustinghimselftospeak.Astheytorefromstreettostreet,MehmetledSam
deeperintoareasofthecitythathadbeendamagedthe
most. Sam saw pieces of clothing, shoes and othertributes to life strewn carelessly along the streets.Rotting garbagefilled some areas. Inother places, hesaw what looked like blood stains. Mehmet stoppedrunningwhenhecametotheremainsofanold,multi-storiedbuildingwitharchesandcolumnssupportingadome.Can you guess what this used to be? Mehmet
askedastheywentin.Hard to say, Sampanted, clutchinghis side and
tryingtocatchhisbreath.ThiswastheCentralLibrary.Samseyesbulged.Theresnothingleft!Mehmetsmiled sadly and looked around. It once
housedmorethanamillionvolumes,somedatingbackhundredsofyears.Whenthey firebombed it,wewere
only able to save some books, but the rest are lostforever.Hesighed.
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They sat down for a while.Gunfire intermittently
soundedoutsideandseemedfarawaytoSam.Mehmetbrokethesilencefirst.Doyouwanttosee
someaction?What?On the frontlines. Do you want to meet our
soldiers?Sam hesitated. If hewent, it would violate all the
ruleshewassworntofollowwhilehere.Hecouldnot
takesidesorbecomeinvolved.Hesatthere,helplesslysheltering from theSerbsin theshellof a library.Nonot a library, a graveyard of knowledge. He realizedthathehadlefthispeacekeepingstatusbehindwithhisuniform in the hotel. Out here, he was like anyBosnian,anddressedasacivilian,hewasfairgametoSerbianartillery.Hereandnow,hecould finallyreally
understand how it felt to live everyday in fear, awalkingtarget.Sure,hefinallysaid.Good.After a while, the two men left the library and
carefullymadetheirwaytonondescriptbuildingsattheedge of the city. Mehmet began pointing out theBosnianoutposts.Someofthesoldiersweredressedin
allblackor inBosnianarmyfatigues.Butsurprisingly,mostweredressedasciviliansandnotallhadweapons.Stophere,Mehmetcommandedat onebuilding.
IwillrunacrossandwhenIgiveyouall-clear,runlikeyourlifedependsonit.Becauseitdoes.Samnodded.AshewatchedMehmetspeedtoward
anoutpost,hewasterrifiedandexcitedallatonce.Hewatched Mehmet reach the other side, look around,
noddedtosomeone,andthenwavedhishandstowardSam.
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Samlookedaround.Itwashisturn.Takingadeep
breath,hesprinted,fast,staringonlyatMehmetandhisdestination, which, like in bad dreams, now seemedfartherawaythefasterSamtriedtoreachit.AssoonashereachedMehmet,hedoubledoverpanting;thefearandthesprintbothtookhisbreathaway.Mehmet slappedSamon theback. If youwant a
tasteofBosnia,youvegottoseeitfromoureyelevel.Sam recovered shortly andMehmet tookhim into
theoutpost,showinghimaround.ThemajorityofourarmyisBosnianMuslim,Mehmetexplained,butwehave Bosnian Croats and even a few Bosnian Serbsfightingforustoo.Wow,IthoughtalltheSerbswerefightingonthe
otherside,Samsaid.Mosthavelosttheirsanitybutnoteveryone.
Samsawthelonghairofafemalesoldier.Womenfightingtoo?Samasked.We need every able-bodied civilian we can get.
Andthewomenallhavevolunteered.Weturnnooneaway.IsawawomansoldieronTVathome,Samsaid,
remembering.Actually,more than 10%of ourarmy is female,
Mehmetsaid.Someofourbestwomenfightershavebeen recognized as Zlatni Ljiljani, the highestrecognitionforBosnianarmysoldiers.Thatsquiteanhonor.ThisonewomanIsawon
television,shelookedawesome.I can introduce you to many beautiful women,
MehmetchuckledSamblushed.No,Imnotlookingforthat.
Sure,Mehmetsaid, smilingand lookingat Samsredears.Whateveryousay.
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As they toured the outpost, Mehmet introduced
Sam to several of the soldiers. After a while, Samchecked hiswatch. Its getting late. I need to headback.Sure.Theyheadedbackto thehotel,zigzagging through
thestreetsonanunpredictablepath.Sowhat are the girls likeinCalifornia?Mehmet
askedastheywalked.
Um,whatdoyoumean?AretheyalllikeBayWatchgirls?No,not that Im awareof.Theremight bemore
women likethat inSouthernCalifornia,but Im fromthenorth,and there aremanykindsofwomen there,fromallovertheworld.Afterthisblastedwar,maybeyouandIcangotoL.A.andcheckthemouttogether,
Samlaughed.Mehmetsmiled.Youhavegirlfriend?Mehmetasked.No. Feeling a little hot around the collar, Sam
changedthetopic.Sowhatsyourstory?BeforewarIwasacivilengineer.Andthen?Then,IworkedwiththeU.N.,andnowIendup
here.
Nowife,kids?Mehmet remained silent, not making any eye
contact.IguessIlltakethatforano,chimedSam.The two reached the hotel. You want to get a
beer?Mehmetasked.Samlookedathiminsurprise.Thoughhewasnta
practicingMuslim,heneverdrankalcohol,whichwas
forbid